Warnings for this chapter: Language, OOC-Characters, bits of romance, biased accusations, Title based on the songs Zero by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, This is me by Dream, Say I Ain't Right by Donnie Klang, Pages by There for Tomorrow, So Close, So Far by Hoobastank, and A whisper and a clamor by Anberlin!!This clarifying their point of views on each other, love, sex and relationships. This IS chapter 16, not 19.
I Don't Own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy VII Characters, or anything mentioned, or the title to this Fanfic! Enjoy!
DEDICATION: CartoonistManiac666, MusicManiac45, Brinkmess, Buka2000 and scorpiosgirl. Thank you so far for supporting this, in my opinion, crappy story for as long as it has been standing! I also like to thank the readers, who have read it and got it over 1,000 hits! : D I have gratitude for that. So, here is the last of the journal entries and then we go into November next chapter.
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Entry 200
This is me
Dear Diary, Journal- whatever this thing that I'm writing in is called:
Loz just doesn't fucking get it anymore. L He really doesn't the point or where this relationship is going. I'm getting so fucking fed up with his childish bullshit and his incapability of keeping his priorities high in our relationship that seems to be draining. Being compelled in drug binges; drinking, getting high when I'm around; acting like a fucking douche bag in front of MY friends!!! Like, come on. That's stupidity right there and he knows that very well know, since Axel embarrassed the living shit out of him the other day, when he fucked him up in the parking lot of the school. Loz needs a reality check, as of now and Axel kicking his ass doesn't seem to have been much help. As for me, more drama seems to be unfolding in my piteous life, as you know. Cloud and Reno had another major argument when I was attempting to study for this test and if you haven't guessed- about, Rufus. We all know that they are going behind their lover's backs and what not, so why can't they fess up to sneaking around seeing each other in clandestine? We all know they keep seeing each other. But Diary-thingy, if I write this accusation, promise not to peep a word to anyone that might consider reading my cruddy writing. I mean it, too! (He's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.)
I think baby Liam may have not been fathered by Cloudy-putty. I sorta figured that out when I came home from school on a sunny afternoon on a fucking Monday and there was Rufus, laying on the couch with Reno on top of him and his eyes glistering with mercurial and he was panting, as if they were doing something out of a porno. They definitely had sex before we got there and…I SAT ON THAT COUCH! Ewwwww…That's just repulsive and putrid. Reno's a hoe and we all KNOW that! Reno's lying to everyone's face and he's cheating on Cloud right underneath his nose. I think Cloud knows, but he doesn't give a hell about the situation because- just like the rest of the Baalastine household- he fed up with his whiny, bitchy and grumbling ass. Because, I know I'm fed up with his overloading shithead self!!
But on other topics- Saïx de Basco- that bitch fucker. He has taken my twin brother away from me and I don't appreciate that.
I WANT MARLY BACK! -Begins to cry tears that turns into waterfalls- It sucks because he spending more time with him than he does with me all-of-a-sudden. Well actually, it's a good thing that he's been out more because I'm plotting with the notorious pranksters- Larxene and Demyx Cunningham, their scandalous-bartender of-a-cousin Inez Valentinia, as well as Zex Zex, Axel, and Kaj to set Marluxia and Vexen together. Isn't that, like, the coolest?! I think it is. It's awesome brilliance, in my book! It's quite obvious that they desire the other. Well…Vexen doesn't, but Marluxia announces to the whole world that he wants Vexen more than anyone in the school, but how he ended up with the poster child of STD spreading love, I don't even fucking know nor do I want to get why. I hate that slick-haired indigo-bitch. He stole Marluxia away from underneath our noses and screwed -up our plans for Vexen and him to start dating! Grrrr, this pisses me off. I'm ending here, before I chew this paper up.
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Say I Ain't Right
Entry 87:
Ionez Baalastine. His compassionate side to him when he is not acting childish makes me yearn for him more and more as the days pass by and a new month prospers for people to try contemporary ideas. Every time I'm with Ionez, my heart leaps for joy, just wanting to have a taste of his succulent skin, to hear him moaning and panting as he scratches my back when we have sex…damn, that's a scary thought right there. Why would I try to get with my youngest brother's best friend? He would hate me if I broke his heart. So, the weirdest way to catch 'Nez and his attention would be…A) Flirting with him subconsciously
B) Get him drunk
C) Confess love
D) Tell him my dreams and bullshit like that. Girls fall for that and so do Gay boys.
E) Bring him Chocolate.
F) Do something weird, flip over the desk he's sitting in and have sex with him during class. Okay…scratch that idea out!
I know it sounds ridiculous, but growing up in a residence where the only parent present inside of the home was a religious and very homophobic. That's how my life almost ended.
-Shin Nagasaki.
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Pages:
Entry 720:
Diary,
Life sucks and we all knew that was going to be the first thing I write in here. Demyx is still not interested in me- even when I came in today with a tight metallic black shirt on that reached to my torso; tight crimson skinny jeans that toned my legs; a different lip piercing and my hair styled bed head-like, with the rockerish twist to it. Demyx is still gawking at Axel. It's always: axel, Axel, Axel! What can I do? I can't compete with effeminate hips or the other guys/girls he stares at for a past time. I know I have Lexaeus now. He's a very kind and well-mannered, but…I don't have eyes for him, like I do for Demyx. I am acutely confused on the position I put myself into. I actually believe I might have fallen in love with Demyx. I just love him! I said it…I can't believe I said that about my own best friend. Am I that…how would you say, ohhh, pathetic? I feel imprudent for falling s hard for my best friend, I mean he keeps on staring at Axel all the time and NEVER pays any attention to me. That bitch! I mean, what is so fucking "great" about Axel Baalastine? Is it because of his graceful looks and the way he sways his androgynous hips of his? Is it because of his personality towards him- flirtatious, mellifluous and aesthetic and as well as his bombastic attitude. How the hell does he think he is?!
I'm not going to get into the whole he-said-she-said BS, because I don't have time for that today. Nope, neither this evening nor later on I can talk about people; it's not a penchant of mine. On other news, I'm going to be at Kingdom Hearts; stripping as usual- to pay the usual bills and to feed myself- you know the drill already. Since it's Saturday night and the strip club is usually crowded, I have the only and only: Marluxia Baalastine as my partner and I know we are going to spice things up! He sizzles as he walks and I sizzle when I do splits. Any who, I need stop writing because my personal privacy is being sporadic because of his dumb box-head self! He's a fucking meathead. Good news: Ionez is dropping me off, so now I don't raise suspicion. (: - Zexion Yami
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Entry: 107 in Journal Lovington
A Whisper and a Clamor
Damn, these days seems to be cluttered with being deathly ill and regurgitating in the porcelain toilet a lot. I hate how things are being rotary and messing up my moods I'm facing, because they need to face the facts- I'm not in any type of way capable of controlling how I feel at this point. In other words, if I get mad and slam you against the wall, it's your own fucking fault.
-Sighs- Now, I hate life. I cannot fathom the reality I'm facing at this point. Mother says I'm too lenient on people manhandling me and their misinterpretations of the "real" me. Yeah, in other words: I'm confusing to all. Even to the one enamored and has the key to unlock my lodged in emotions I haven't poured out to anyone, especially not after my failed relationship with Rae Evington, before I found out he's was actually a she. That was the scariest shit alive, especially when she revealed she has a penis. Okay…being off topic now, I'm in love, and not with a person everyone suspects, either.
Here goes nothing, Journal….
I'm in love with Ionez Ikeda-Baalastine; my best friend and the only person who knows what happened that night I had my one-night-stand with that mysterious and alluring fine piece-of-work. Mmmm, scrumptious, La La!
Yes, I'm a very confusing person. But, I would like to see that guy and say: Touch my Tralalal! (1) He would literally run away and think I'm insane. That's be the day where I see him and confront him about what he put into my drink, because gaining weight though you've been throwing up? Really, he must have put something inside of my drink. Health class be teaching you things, but knowing me, I fell asleep in class so many times and I don't even know what my reproductive organs are…sad, isn't it?
Any who, I going to stop writing, I need some beauty sleep. Desperately before I collapse on the floor again. And it's only 2 in the afternoon here in fucking shit-hole-my-ass-county. Bye!
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Entry 241:
So Far, So Close
I'm generally confused. I believe I heard my sister talk to one of those bitchy friends of hers about someone liking me, yet, she will not enlighten me on whom. Larxene said it was disclosed information for her own ears to heed. She can act like a major bitch sometimes. I think she should have told me because it does deal with me, but I don't care anymore. What I do care about is finding out who likes me- yippee! Someone is crushing on me and from how Larxene was emphasizing it; they must REALLY like me to be head-over-heels in love with me! Tehehe, I presume I'm special!
I'm worried about Zexion- lately he has been more distant with me! I mean, come on! I'm his best friend; yet, we have been keeping secrets from each other, especially Zexion. I'm starting to wonder if he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. I love Sexy Zexy to death, but lately, he tries to hinder seeing me or avoids me…. Which isn't like him at all. He usually stops, waves weakly and smiled an unexplainable expression that makes me laugh. But now, I'm feeling less and less important to him- he hasn't been hanging around me since Axel has; he's been less affable to others and he just…. isn't in his normal character. Its like he's been warped or something. I'm starting to believe things are changing…but, I don't want us to drift apart like most of my friends and I have done in the past. This is starting to kill me as it is affecting my emotions.
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(1) That's a song my friend sings and that's pretty much what the guy sings. Touch-My-Tralalal!