After he'd visited MAGES. and Tekken to pick up the chainsaw he'd left behind, Jack was pleasantly surprised to find that MAGES. was heading off to Planeptune for a few days once more, during which time he would be staying with Compa anyway. So, since Tekken was busy running the shop, Jack and MAGES. decided to go and get lunch before he headed out for some Guild work. The café they'd chosen was fairly average; Outdoor seating options weren't a popular choice for any business in Lowee, so instead, the wizard and shooter decided to sit at the very back of the rather empty café.
And, for the first time in a while, Jack took off his bandolier, and removed his green overshirt and body armour, placing them on the back of his chair and leaving him with just his black t-shirt. MAGES. raised her eyebrow in what seemed to be curiosity. "I haven't seen you without that equipment before," she noted as Jack sat back down, clicking his back slightly to alleviate the pain. "Is there a particular reason why you've opted to take off your upper body equipment?"
"Outside of it gettin' more annoyin' the longer I wear it?" he asked. MAGES. nodded. "Then nah, no reason. I've worn it non-stop for the past few weeks." Briefly, he paused, and looked at his frayed, burned, and blood-stained shirt. "Fuck, I might need a new one of these soon." MAGES. nodded quietly, reclining in her chair slightly as she removed her hat and placed it on the table. Then, she removed her coat, leaving just her black shirt and red tie. Jack raised a brow. "Any reason you're strippin' off?" he asked as his companion placed her coat on the back of her chair, similar to how he did.
"Outside of it being warmer in here?" she asked. Jack nodded. "Then no, there is no reason." Jack tilted his head understandingly.
"Fair enough..." he whistled, drumming the table with his fingertips and reclining slightly. "Anyway, cheers for holdin' onto the Universal Communicator whilst I was away."
"Universal Communicator?" MAGES. repeated, looking at him in confusion.
Jack thought for a minute. "The Ash Williams Special?"
"...no, I'm unclear."
"Groovy?"
"You're not making any sense."
"The Obscure Movie Reference?" Jack groaned, gesturing slightly. MAGES. just slowly shook her head. Sighing again, Jack lifted his head up. "Chainsaw." MAGES. nodded in understanding.
"Of course...you could have said that."
"You could have understood the names for it..." he muttered huffily. MAGES. shrugged, and sipped her coffee.
"Well, there doesn't happen to be names for it. That mostly stems from the fact nobody has ever bothered to try and use it as a method of attacking an opponent." Jack was surprised.
"Really? It's literally the most iconic weapon from any horror or action franchise, not counting miniguns or meat cleavers." His blue-haired friend paused with her cup in front of her mouth, raising a brow.
"A minigun is the one with the rotating barrels, correct?" she asked, gesturing with her left finger. Jack gave a nod, so MAGES. raised a thumb and had some more of her drink. When she had finished, neither spoke for some reason. Perhaps it had been a waste of time to go to the café...?
Just then, Jack's phone chirped, prompting him to look at his pocket. MAGES., just as unsure as Jack was, looked as well. "I thought I threw this piece of shit away when I was in Leanbox?" he said confusedly, pulling out the pink object. "Whatever, I'm not complainin'." After a moment, of looking at the screen, he chuckled, then turned the screen to show MAGES. the message that had come through.
ChikaHakozaki commented on your Nepchat post!
' TheTwatWithTheGats thats it im going to fucking rape you and then kill you for that you little shit sleep with a fucking eye open or ill make the rape hurt more than the killing'
MAGES. studied this for a moment, frowning. "Is...Chika Hakozaki not the Oracle of Leanbox?" she asked. Jack nodded, smirking and turning his phone back to face him. "She has quite the mouth," she murmured, scratching her chin. "To be frank, I'm quite surprised." She paused, and looked at him. "If I may ask, what did you post?" Jack smiled, then tapped onto his story.
"This was my Nepchat story from yesterday," he explained, showing her the phone. MAGES. leaned forward with a studying expression as he tapped through the pictures.
First, there was a photograph of the four CPUs around a table, with Jack and Neptune taking a cheerful selfie whilst everyone else looked frustratedly at them. The caption through the center read 'sick bants w/ the lads'.
Next, there was a brief video. It displayed Vert and Blanc next to each other, seemingly having the meeting. Neptune's voice could be heard off screen, but barely.
"...and so that means I can only hope that our development projects don't fall flatter than Blanc's chest."
The small CPU next to Vert grit her teeth. Vert herself, though, smirked, and chuckling could be heard behind camera.
"It would take a frankly COLOSSAL failure to become that flat," replied Vert. The video ended as Blanc opened her mouth and began screaming "YOU COW-TITTED FUCKING-", accompanied by laughter and the caption 'vert drops some solid banter'.
After that came a super-zoomed in picture of Oracle Nishizawa with a less than flattering expression, likely due to her being in the process of speaking, captioned as 'bare clapped'.
Following on, Jack had taken the liberty of photographing what she assumed was all of the guards in the basilicom in a long series of photos, each captioned as 'absolute butters'.
Moving on, there was a clip of a first person view of Jack walking steadily up to an angry Elemental Dragon and one-handedly firing a pistol at it. To her surprise, the shakily recorded video showed the Dragon not only reacting to the shots, but staggering back in pain and seeming to be in the process of beginning to fall over and die when the clip ended. The caption simply read 'step the fuck up or get smashed the fuck up, son'. It was at this point she noticed just how many people were looking at his Nepchat; The Dragon post alone had over 100,000 Nepu Points, and 40,000 Comments. The top comment was from someone called TinyBookFairy, and it told Jack to "wipe those fuckers off the face of Gamindustri! ;D". For some reason, she felt like the person behind that comment was not like that outside of the internet, and was just saying that because they were almost anonymous.
How was this garbage getting positive feedback?
Her frown intensified as the posts continued. Such content included:
- A video of Jack and two other individuals she hadn't seen before sat on a balcony, before the camera panned to Mr. Hillman, who had two massive bullets dangling from his nose. Caption: 'he knows what he's doing, i swear'.Top comment was from ChazzaThePilot, and said "pretty sure he's welsh, he can't know what he's doing".
- Several pictures of Blanc reading what looked like a novel in a room full of books. The tears in her eyes gave away that it was likely at a sad part. Caption: 'when ur readin ur shitty romance novels and u realize that a fictional character has bigger boobs than u'. The top comment was from OfficialBlannyBlannyBii, and said "I swear, one day, I'm going to hit your head with a hammer so hard that it'll come out of your ass."
- A cute photo of the CPU candidate for Lastation, sleeping on a sofa in front of a TV whilst spooning a massive machine gun that was about the same size as her. Caption: 'Uni a cute'. The top comment was from StopCallingMePikey, and said "shame that your still a bellend m8".
- A picture of a blonde man with glasses sat at a table talking to CPU Black Heart, both with glasses of champagne. The blonde man was showing Black Heart something in a fashion magazine, and both were laughing. Caption: 'not gonna lie but one of these two is pretty fucken gay'. Top comment came from PuddingAndPlasters, saying "i swear you find these weird looking cunts in the fucking street, mr lunnydunny".
- A selfie of Jack being hugged from behind by Lady Vert, with Jack in the foreground looking rather scared. Caption: 'pls no'. The top comment was already the one from ChikaHakozaki, with the one beneath from OfficialLadyGreenHeart saying " TheTwatWithTheGats It's OK...you know you secretly enjoyed the warmth. We can hug any time!"
Shaking her head and wondering why she was doing it, MAGES. withdrew her own phone.
"What's your Nepchat name?"
A few hours later...
As per the usual, the dinner table was fairly quiet. That was almost expected. Allegedly, that was just how politics went; No matter how well a meeting had gone, or how many lives you'd saved or deals you'd made, by the end of it, you were already sick of speaking to the other parties for the day. Since the CPUs had been talking to each other since nine in the morning, it was understandable that none of them were speaking to each other, instead opting to just silently eat what Jack assumed was some unusual type of pasta. Jack sniffed, shovelling some of the food into his mouth. Whilst he wasn't one to like pasta (Or pizza, or lasagne, or meatballs, or Bolognese...), he decided that it was probably in his best options. Whilst he was with MAGES., they'd only picked up a sandwich each, and to put his size into consideration, that was hardly filling for him.
All things considered, he hadn't eaten a proper meal for about three or four days, mostly just eating every so often and inbetween Quest work.
Speaking of work, he raised his head up. "You guys thinkin' that us lads ought to find proper jobs?" he asked, turning his head up to the end of the table that the CPUs resided at. Most of the eyes present turned to him, as well as a pilot's visor. Neptune shrugged.
"I dunno. Why the ask?" she replied, swinging on her chair slightly. "You runnin' low on funds, Lundy?"
"Not particularly," he said calmly, scratching his chin. "Still bankin' in at about six hundred thousand credits from Guild work and the sh..." He glanced over at Mina and James, who were both poised and ready to cover Rom and Ram's ears. "...ugar...that monsters drop. Those freaks drop about a ffffffff...udgin'...thousand credits each time." Noire, Blanc, Neptune, Luke, Josh, James, Vert, Uni, and Mina all chuckled at the fact Jack genuinely looked pained whilst trying not to swear. Whilst the others around the table contemplated exactly how terrifying it was for a near-psychotic individual like Jack to have access to such funds, Vert looked at him in an assessing manner, twirling her fork around her finger whilst resting her chin on the back of her hand.
"Well, you seem to be pretty well-off," she noted, before gesturing to the other humans. "Much better off than the other boys, at least. Goodness knows what Chaz does with his money." The pilot swiftly raised his hand.
"One time, I sent money to Piers Morgan and told him to buy a rope and kill himself." Noire frowned at the comment, and looked at him.
"Well...did he?"
"Unfortunately not," Josh sighed. "But good on you for trying, Chaz." The airman shrugged, and leaned back in his chair, somehow remaining perfectly balanced whilst sitting cross-legged.
"Still sucks that I basically sent him a fiver, though..."
"Anyway, that being said," Vert continued, "What are you going to do with your money? As mentioned, we would be more than happy to host you in the Leanbox basilicom so long as you pulled your weight around the country. You seem comfortable enough doing that, and we all like you enough, so I see no reason why you should stop staying with us for now." Jack glanced over at Noire, who was looking at him in a way that suggested she was thinking of something else. Jack swallowed hard, and glanced at Luke, Josh, James, and Chaz.
"A-Actually, Lady Vert..." he interrupted. The CPUs turned and looked at him, Noire with a smile on her face. "Do...do you happen to know the going rate of the average house in Gamindustri?" A small rustle went through the room. The CPUs, however, suddenly seemed more tense.
"...and where might it be that you want to...settle?" Noire asked carefully. She looked pained from the rather creepy grin that had set in across her face. Jack scratched the back of his head.
"I, uh, don't particularly mind," he whistled, "Just needs to be big enough to house five large individuals." He looked at James, Luke, Josh, and Chaz, smirking. James was quick to clear his throat.
"Uh...I appreciate the offer," he began, "But I'd rather just help around 'ere, to be honest. Oracle Nishizawa could probably do with an extra set of 'ands, and all." Following in James' footsteps, Josh and Luke quickly thought of an excuse.
"W-Well, yeah, same here," Luke stuttered, "But, uh, we can probably get the...um, like, scientist blokes to send us a caravan, or...something. It's a cool offer, though...trust." Jack rolled his eyes, and looked at Chaz.
"Lemme guess, you live in a private jet."
"Nah," Chaz whistled through his mask, which was miraculously clear of any of the meal he had somehow eaten whilst wearing the face mask. "If we both pay half the bills each, then I'd be alright with it." Jack grinned, and nodded, then turned to the CPUs.
"So...where could I get a two bedroom house for a decent price, including gas and electricity?" Noire's hand quickly shot up.
"Lastation has both of those free for all citizens," she replied in an uncharacteristically excited tone, "So you could totally move into one of the houses opposite the basilicom that you can see from my office balcony!" For a moment, she realized what she'd just said, and cleared her throat, taking on a more serious facial expression that was tainted with the crimson glow of embarrassment which seemingly everyone except Jack noticed. "Y-You know, because those are reasonably priced houses! An-And I'll be able to contact you easily if any emergencies come up! That's all!" The green-shirted bloke smiled at the offer, thinking it over.
"How much's the cheapest?" Jack asked.
"The going price for one of them was about...uh, four hundred thousand credits." Jack gave a casual nod.
"Fair," he murmured, scratching his chin. "Leaves about two hundred grand to buy furniture and stuff. I say we buy gunsmithing equipment."
"I see no problems with the legality of that," Chaz shrugged.
Neptune simply smiled at Noire, looking between her and Jack. "Aww, now you two lovebirds don't have to be apart from each other!" Noire blushed furiously as everyone began laughing, and Jack said nothing, instead glaring ahead with the Thousand-Yard London Stare Of Utter Disappointment With Society™ that he had perfected so well over the course of the months before. Josh smiled, and looked over to Neptune.
"You have a point, those two seem to be inseparable after that argument!" he laughed. Jack laughed along, pointing at him with a wagging finger.
"Oh, you!" he chortled, before suddenly his face became deathly serious. "I think you should start sleepin' with a weapon." Josh just folded his arms and raised a brow.
"Ohhh, scary," he replied mockingly. "What're you gonna do? Kill me?" Jack grinned, and looked at Mina and James.
"Cover Rom and Ram's ears," he ordered. When he was certain that the kids couldn't hear (Uni had put her headphones in by this point, since she valued her pure maiden mind), Jack looked at the CPUs' end of the table. "If you ladies don't mind, I'm just gonna vent for a bit. Might make some of you uncomfortable, so if you don't like graphic descriptions, you'll probably wanna leave." Neptune made a 'pfft' noise, before reclining and placing both her feet on the table and hands behind her head.
"Nah, I think we can take it," she whistled, giving the universal 'go for it' gesture. "We're all CPUs, we can take a little gore." Jack paused, shrugged, and turned to Josh.
"Alright, posh boy. Here's exactly what I'm gonna do about that smug little comment. One night, the night you'll least expect, I'm gonna go into your room, and I'm gonna carve an intricate pattern into your tongue, before ripping it out. After I ram a copious amount of glass shards into your anal cavity, I'll sew your disembodied tongue into your raw, bloodied, and gapin' arsehole so you forever get to feel it squirmin' and tryin' to scream." Jack's face remained alarmingly pleasant as he stared at Josh. "After that, I'll peel off all of your skin with a rusty scalpel, then use the flesh as fabric with which I'll make a nice pair of gloves, usin' your veins and tendons as thread whilst it's all still attached to your body. With those gloves, I'll begin snappin' all your bones individually, as slowly and painfully as I can, before finishin' by takin' a power drill to your teeth and grindin' a letter of my name into each individual tooth. Finally, I'll rip out those teeth with a wrench and string them together as a nice little necklace to hang around your neck, so that people can see the author's name as they view the work." Jack paused, thinking for a moment, before looking back at Josh. "Then I'll let you die."
By the time he was done, the room had fallen into dead silence. Most of the room's Gamindustrian residents, excluding Noire, Rom, Ram, and Uni, had gone pale white. Noire just sighed, and rubbed her forehead. "Mr. Lovebun," she groaned, "When was the last time you slept?"
"Properly? As in, for more than an hour?" he asked. She nodded, prompting him to think for a minute. "...I can't remember when I got choked out by Cave, so that might have been longer than hour." Vert raised a hand, regaining some composure.
"That was still only a few hours," she noted. Her face was still a pale grey. "I don't think you've slept longer than that in the entire time you've been here." Jack raised his brows, twirling his fork between his fingers. Mina and James had returned to their seats, and Uni had removed her headphones to listen to the conversation.
"You have a point," Blanc nodded. "Even Mr. Hillman sleeps for a regular amount of time. You seem to power nap and then continue."
"Maybe that's why you've been so emotional lately..." Noire suggested, prompting a loud snort of disapproval from Jack.
"And you're someone to tell someone else about them being 'emotional'?" he asked snarkily, folding his arms. The other CPUs giggled slightly as Noire looked back at him with a rather upset expression.
"Hey, remember what we agreed upon yesterday?" she whined. Jack paused, then nodded understandingly, raising his hand apologetically.
"Right...sorry."
Neptune just grinned, leaning on the table with a smug expression on her face. "Did you two agree that you were...?"
"NO." came Noire's angry response.
"For the love of GODDESS, NEPTUNE!" yelled Jack irritatedly. The lavender-haired teenager grinned and leaned back in her seat, checking her nails.
"I think we all know which Goddess you love..." she chirped. Noire was sat, blushing furiously in her chair with a huffy expression.
"CPU or not, I'll bash your head open if you keep this up," snapped the man. "And yes, I support the CPUs, but as a Lastation citizen, part of my citizenship documents specify that I need to place belief in Lady Noire, who actually does great things for Lastation. So in that sense, yes, I 'love' Noire." Before the conversation could take an intelligent turn, during which politics, Shares, and the next day's activities would be discussed, Neptune fell from her seat, giggling loudly.
"HE SAID IT!" she screeched, clutching her stomach and waving her legs around. "HE ACTUALLY SAID IT! THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN! I KNEW HE HAD A THING FOR NO-FRIENDS NOIRE!"
Jack groaned, and rubbed his face with both hands. "Bloody hell..." he muttered. Just then, there was a tugging on his arm, prompting him to look. "Hi, Uni."
Staring back was his favourite person ever, Uni. She had a small smile on her face, almost bashful in nature. "M-Mr. Lovebun...Do...do you really love my sister?" she asked, before suddenly perking up. "Are you gonna become my older brother?!" The excitement was noticeable in her voice. "Th-That'd be great! I'd have an older sister, and an older brother, and I'd be like the luckiest person in the whole of Gamindustri!"
Jack wasn't particularly sure how he could weasel out of this conversation without upsetting the girl who he felt was basically his little sister, considering how much he hung out with her. So...in the event that somehow he did end up marrying Noire (God forbid), would Uni be his little sister? Like...sister in-law, or something?
He wasn't sure how that stuff worked.
Ignoring the brief mental image of Noire in a skimpy wedding dress that flashed through his mind, Jack offered Uni a smile, and nothing else. It seemed to satisfy her, as she sat in her seat, completely elated by the thought of having two older siblings. Then, he put phase two of his brilliant plan into action. "SOOOOOOO!" he began, rubbing his hands together and looking back at the CPUs. "All that aside, why were you askin' how long I'd slept for normally? Is that a big deal? Can we discuss this in more detail to avoid the previous conversation?" Vert giggled lightly, then nodded.
"Of course, Mr. Glovebox," she smiled. "It's worrying that you haven't slept properly in such a long time. Normally, I stay up for days at a time whilst I..." She paused. "...file papers..., but I'll normally balance it out by sleeping for about half a day, or taking a day off to go out and relax."
"No." Jack said flatly.
"No? Whatever do you mean?"
"No. I'm not relaxin' for a whole day. You can sod that."
"Don't tell us you have had bad experiences with relaxing." Blanc interjected. Briefly, there was an interruption from Luke.
"Uh, Ladies?" he asked, raising a hand. "Are we needed here? This is a bit boring, I'll be honest with you."
"Have you been sleeping properly?" Vert asked. Luke nodded.
"In the Challenger, six to eight hours a night. Why?"
"Then you're free to go." Luke raised his brows, and got up to leave, gesturing to the other guys to follow. Along with them, Mina guided Rom and Ram from the table. It was, after all, their bedtime. Whilst they all shuffled away, Jack folded his arms again and leaned onto the table.
"So...was that last question about havin' bad experiences relaxin'?" Jack asked. Blanc looked back at him, nodding slightly, which prompted the large gunman to scratch his chin. For some reason, he looked rather troubled. "Last time I did anythin' that was meant to be 'relaxin'', I went to a spa in Planeptune, and I got told the spa would be empty for the night, and then I was naked, and then Cave came in, and she was naked too, and I started panickin' because I don't like bein' naked around other people! Especially girls!" His voice gradually increased in intensity as he spoke, suggesting that it was a rather sensitive topic. Vert forced a smile, and cleared her throat.
"If you don't mind me asking, Mr. Glovebox, when..." she began, eyeing him up and down. "...when was the last time you cleaned yourself?" He raised a brow.
"What're you gettin' at, Lady Vert? I smell like shite and dead things, again?"
"And human blood," Noire added calmly, raising a hand. Jack gave a gesture towards her.
"Yeah, and that. Do I smell dodgy?" Pausing, he lifted his shirt slightly, and looked at what little flesh he could see beneath an armour carrier. Caked across the skin beneath the ballistic vest was a layer of crackled, dry blood, some areas darker than others. It all seemed to originate from beneath his vest, but he hadn't noticed any pain...
What the hell?
He raised his brows in surprise. "Christ, that doesn't look good, now you mention it," he said finally, whistling through his teeth and gesturing to his chest, letting his shirt go back to where it was as he did. "Lotta blood under there. I should probably take care of that." Most of the CPUs (excluding Neptune, since she hardly gave two shits) looked concernedly at him.
"Would you like me to give you some Reflex?" Blanc suggested. Jack shook his head.
"Nah, you're alright, Lady Blanc," came the expected dismissive but polite reply. "I trained for a year to deal with this sort of shite. I could stitch myself back together with some vines and a pen, if I wanted to. And I didn't want to, so the trainers made me do it, once." Jack hesitated suddenly, looking at the scar on his inner right forearm and flexing his hand. "That shit really did hurt." Blanc nodded in understanding, but still had some concern for his wellbeing. "Anyway, why's sleepin' even a concern to me? I've managed to get by on an hour of sleep every three days. Feels like if I bugger up that cycle, I might never be able to do that again."
"But sleeping for only one hour's not a good thing, Mr. Lovebun," Noire interjected. "Even if I'm up doing paperwork for three or four days at a time, I take time off every day to get rest. You're working yourself to the bone, and for...what? Why're you working so hard?"
Jack looked at her, seemingly confused. "Well, because...you all told me to when this all started?" Blank stares were his response.
"We never said that you needed to work ALL day and ALL night!" Neptune exclaimed, throwing her arms wide. "I mean, Histoire absolutely loved that you did everything she asked when you were in Planeptune. I think she even framed a photo of you in her room that says "The Only One Who Understands Me", or something. You're like her favourite person ever, maybe second to an audio book she seems fond of listening to...but whatever."
"You said I need to pull my weight around Gamindustri," Jack replied. "Plus, you said you have a monster problem, and I want to help solve it."
"They spawn infinitely," Blanc interrupted, raising a small hand. "You're just wasting your time."
Jack thought for a moment. "Well, maybe they do spawn infinitely. Frankly, I'm glad, because it means I won't get credited with forcin' a mass extinction of several species."
"I think wiping them out would make you quite famous, though," Vert explained. "Leanbox still has the legendary Expert Commander, an experimental cyborg who single-handedly defeated an alliance of monsters that had been burning Leanbox towns because of a 'religion' they all believed in, or something. He's quite famous, though I think his recent escapades have been a bit difficult to support since he began reporting to a different General. Additionally, he's been looking a lot less youthful under all the armour due to the stress."
"Your point bein', Lady Vert?"
"My point is that whilst doing such a feat as destroying a hostile species would make you an instant celebrity, your body will start struggling if you don't slow down a little."
"I don't like slowin' down. I've never chosen to move slow, since I'm capable of movin' so fast."
"It's not like we want you to keep looking young and handsome or anything," Noire responded sharply, almost glaring at him, "But even from over here I can see the areas under your eyes are absorbing light, they're so dark. Plus, recently, you've been a bit..." She paused, searching for the right word. "...emotional."
Jack glared sharply at her, gritting his teeth. "No, I've fuckin' well no-!"
"Really?" Blanc cut in. "I heard you started crying the other day and fell to your knees."
Neptune nodded. "Yep! And then we all walked in on you and Noire!~~"
"Shut up." came the unanimous reply of two individuals.
"And then, of course, we have countless other actions that point to you starting to go a bit looney," Vert added, "For example, I remember that you so coldly kneecapped Mr. Chaz, threatened Mr. Monoplie in such a way that this story probably just ended up on an NSA watchlist, broke Mr. Black's nose on a table for making a joke, stabbed a man through the face, cut through someone else's jugular vein with a machete, gunned down four others, punched an Ancient Dragon to death and recorded it, and you've been considerably more irritable as your time her has progressed, just to name a few things."
Jack just looked frustratedly back at her, then folded his arms, huffing angrily. Uni looked at this quite worriedly. In the silence that followed, Vert moved seats, to sit in front of him, then extended a hand. Jack looked cautiously at it, then at Vert's smile that carried a genuine, almost maternal warmth.
"Please," said the CPU in an incredibly calming manner, "For your sake, and our sakes, please, Mr. Glovebox...calm it down a bit, OK? Just take the next few days off. That's all I ask." After a moment of consideration in which he assessed Vert's intentions but found no ulterior motives, Jack sighed, rubbed his face, then leaned forward, shaking her hand. Once again, his hand dwarfed hers, and she felt a strange sense of panic.
'Where's my hand gone?! He's crushed it!'
"Alright..." Jack muttered, releasing his grip and leaning back again. Vert sat back down in the seat, continuing to smile at him. The other CPUs did the same. It was almost unnerving. He glanced at each of them, then shook his head. "...what'm I...uh...meant to be doin', then...?" Vert gestured in a rather open way.
"Whatever it is that you do to relax, Mr. Glovebox."
Jack thought for a minute.
Then a bit longer.
Shit...he didn't know how to relax.
Maybe...huh.
He frowned, then looked up at Vert, who remained with the same, pleasant expression she had a moment before. "I can't remember how to relax," he said flatly.
Vert facepalmed. "Goodness me..." she groaned.
"Do...you suggest I go and fight a-?"
"No, you're not going out to fight monsters," Noire snapped, "You're going to spend the next few days relaxing." Jack stared blankly at her. "As in, doing no work." More blank staring. "No fighting." Slowly, Jack began to shake his head.
"I don't...I don't get the joke..." he murmured, scratching his head. Noire stared flatly at him, with her look of You're a Fucking Idiot™.
"Just go to bed."
"No."
"Mr. Lovebun, we've already said you're probably very tired-"
"I ain't."
Noire glared at him, gripping the table. "You either go to bed, or I'm gonna..." She paused. Dammit. They were friends now. What could she do? Sighing, she sat down again just as Uni raised a hand.
"Lady Blanc, is the fireplace in that guest room still lit?" she asked. Blanc nodded, which summoned a smile from the CPU candidate, who stood and began tugging at Jack's arm. "Hey! Mr. Lovebun! Come on, I know where we'll be able to sleep together!"
As the younger Lastation sister dragged the hulking man out of the room, Neptune, Noire, Vert, and Blanc all stared in absolute disbelief at what the younger girl had just suggested. After a moment, Neptune placed a hand on Noire's shoulder. "Well, that's definitely a bump in you and Mr. Loondumb's relationsh-"
"NEPTUNE. SHUT. THE HELL. UP."