Can I Keep You: Doubt
Chapter 21
Doubt
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THIS IS THE SECOND CHAPTER I UPDATED TODAY, SO IF THIS IS THE FIRST ONE YOU'RE READING, THEN PLEASE GO BACK AND READ THE ONE BEFORE THIS CHAPTER!
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"Seriously?!" Sango said, a look of amusement on her beautiful face. "Kikyo crushed that poor horse under her weight?!"
Kagome nodded.
"And she got thrown off another horse? You had an interesting day, too, then."
Kagome raised an eyebrow and sat up a bit, leaning on her elbows.
They were in Sango's room laying on Sango's bed talking about the day's events.
"Are you sure your knee is okay?" Kagome asked.
Sango nodded.
"I've felt similar pain before," she said quietly. "I can endure this."
Kagome smiled slightly. She knew about Sango's feelings for Miroku, of course. Sango had tried to deny it so many times, but Kagome still knew. Since she knew her cousin so well, it was pretty obvious.
Sango had come with Kagome to help her, sure, but Kagome had always known Sango's other reason, the one she'd never mentioned but never really needed to.
Sango was also there with her to see Miroku. Her friend had wanted to see Miroku for so long and now was her chance.
Rumors about Miroku had also reached their ears in the eastern lands and Sango was anxious to see what he was like.
Apparently the fact that Miroku was a big flirt and a total lecher at times did nothing to diminish her love.
Kagome swept a few stray strands of hair back behind Sango's ear and laid back on the bed again before sighing.
"I think I shall go to the library," Kagome said as she sat right back up. "I haven't been able to get near as much reading done as I've wanted to. Do you wish to come?"
Sango shook her head.
"You go ahead," she told her as she looked toward the open window. "I'm tired. I desire to stay here and rest."
Kagome nodded before leaving the room. The look on Sango's face was one she'd seen many times before. It was the look she always had when she was thinking about Miroku.
Kagome entered the library and smiled at the many books that awaited her. She'd always enjoyed reading. She'd done it in her spare time when she wasn't practicing horseback riding or archery or the things that her parents wanted her to do.
She'd led a rather busy life so far, but she knew that it would get even busier in the future since it sure was pretty busy right now!
She selected a book off of a shelf and made her way over to a table. What she didn't notice, however, was the silver haired prince who was sitting at the table across from hers.
He looked at her over the top of his glasses and cleared his throat.
She looked up from her book and noticed him there. She groaned.
"Prince InuYasha," she said as she closed her book. "You…wear glasses?"
He snorted before yanking them off his face. "Much to my dislike, but yes," he admitted.
Kagome tried to stop herself, she did her best to, in fact, yet she still ended up giggling. And then that little giggle turned into quite an amused laugh.
"You…" InuYasha said incredulously. "You're laughing at me?!"
Kagome tried to calm herself down, but as soon as she saw the look on his face, she laughed harder.
She finally calmed herself down and cleared her throat.
"Don't fret," she said as she picked up her own glasses. "I do, too, and I must say that I dislike them, as well."
He lifted an eyebrow, making an amused face.
"You know, nobody outside of my family has ever had the nerve to laugh at me before."
"I apologize," she said as she looked back down at her book.
"But I kind of like it," he finished. She looked back up at him and looked away quickly. "So what are you reading?"
She held up the book and he saw that it was about archery and swordsmanship.
"So I can beat you up even better the next time we face off," she told him as she continued to read.
"Yeah right!" he said with a scoff. "As if you could."
"Are you mocking me?!"
'Calm down Kagome,' she thought to herself. 'You must keep your cool.'
"No woman can get the better of me," he said confidently as he put his glasses back on.
Kagome stood up and went over to his table, sitting on the edge of it and looking down at him.
"I'm sorry sir, but if my memory serves me right, I already have," she said with a smirk.
He narrowed his eyes before laughing it off.
"You find it funny? What would you do if the young ladies who wrote you all of those love letters, which I always delivered to your room, found out that you were bested by a female such as myself?"
"You know, I could have you put in jail for speaking to me like you do."
"But you won't," she said confidently. "You enjoy the fact that I have the courage to speak as such. Do you deny that?"
He remained silent.
There certainly was truth behind that statement of hers. She was different, so different from anybody he'd ever met.
As much as he hated to admit it, the first time they fought, she'd gotten the better of him. He'd been trained by the best for such a long time. She was mysterious. Where did she learn all that she knew?
He found himself thinking about her more and more often lately.
'Why am I being like this with him?' she asked herself. 'I shouldn't be chatting with him as such. In fact, in some strange way, I might even be…flirting?'
She shook her head and he watched her with interest.
So what was the prince doing there anyway? She looked down at him only to see that he was reading documents containing the latest complaints of the people of the kingdom.
She raised her eyebrows.
"May I ask why you are reading those?"
"Hmm?" he asked. "Oh, these? I am the prince. As such, it is my responsibility to care about what's going on within the kingdom. Damn, responsibility or not, I actually do want to."
She removed herself from the top of the table and sat down across from him, instead.
'I know not why I am sitting here with him…But I just can't stop myself…'
"It's true that you are going to rule this kingdom and not Sesshomaru, correct?"
He nodded. "I shall. Sesshomaru should be ruling the kingdom since he is the first-born. But Kagura is the only heir to the throne of her kingdom. It is her responsibility to take over and she needs Sesshomaru to be by her side. They will rule together."
"I see," Kagome said as she picked up the glasses he'd taken off again and put them on her own face.
'I'm just way too comfortable around him. I know not why I am acting this way. I detest him, right? I shouldn't be here like this…'
This was what her mind was saying. However, her heart was speaking differently.
And besides, he'd helped her when her ankle was injured. He'd seemed so concerned and he'd really been of assistance.
She sighed. The least she could do was to at least try to be civil where he was concerned…sometimes.
And then a thought crossed her mind, a question that she was dying to ask. Before she could stop and talk herself out of it, she went ahead and said it.
"And you? I heard that you are engaged, correct?"
He sighed in a frustrated way.
"Almost since birth, I have been engaged to the princess of the eastern kingdom."
She frowned and she was growling on the inside at the way he said it.
"You speak as if you really detest her," Kagome commented.
"We never got along. Damn, it was all her fault I was forced to attend fi..fi…finishing school!"
Kagome glared at him but changed her expression as he looked at her.
"And what of her? Surely she did not escape punishment."
"I don't know, I don't care. All I know is that being forced into marriage with somebody you are barely acquainted with sure as hell isn't satisfactory."
"I agree," Kagome said quietly as she brought her hands up underneath her chin. "And what if…what if you were better acquainted with her? What would come of that?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes, careful not to poke them with his claws.
"I'm not sure," he told her. "But how would you feel if your father insisted upon your marrying somebody before you did get that opportunity?"
Kagome looked away from him and out the window. It had started to rain even though the sky had been so clear earlier.
"I'd….I'd do anything I could to stop it, to remove myself from the situation."
"Desperation?"
She nodded.
"When you put it that way...yes, desperation."
When he put it that way, she realized that what she was doing…it was something desperate. For as long as she could remember, she'd wanted to experience true love.
Based on her previous encounters with InuYasha, she'd doubted that she could ever experience that with him. And with all the nasty rumors she'd heard, she'd become sure of that. After all, she didn't want to be with somebody who would not be faithful and true.
But rumors…Rumors weren't really something good to go one, right? People said all sorts of things that weren't necessarily true, right? So what if…what if she'd misjudged him?
She shook her head. 'I can't start doubting it all now. I can't allow for that to occur…'
But as she looked up at him, the look in his eyes…Those brilliant amber orbs that she'd never really had the opportunity to look into before…
He didn't want to get married to her, that she could see. He felt the same way that she had for so long.
"And what of all of the rumors? They're floating all around town. I've heard many unappealing things about you."
He sighed.
"The occasional rumor may be true, but the majority will be garbage," he told her.
"Oh," she whispered as she looked down at her hands, which were in her lap, and tried to focus on them.
She's spent so long believing all of those rumors. Could she really allow herself to doubt them, now? The things that had reached her ears in the eastern kingdom, they were horrible. She'd been so enraged that she didn't think twice about doing whatever she could to get out of this marriage.
She'd never given him the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty, right? She'd never given him that.
She went over to the couch by the window and sat on her knees, watching as the rain rolled down the glass. She opened the window slightly and reached her hand out, letting the cool drops of water hit her skin.
She could feel his eyes on her and for some reason that made her feel strangely happy.
'Why do I feel this way? It's like…The first chance I truly get to exchange words with him…my resolve wavers…'
She sighed.
"Please forgive me for asking you such personal questions," she said as she closed the window. "I know that I have no right. You are the prince, the future ruler of this kingdom, and I am merely hired help."
It was his turn to sigh.
"If I didn't want to tell you what I told you, then I wouldn't have done it. I probably would've told you to go to hell like I do most people."
"Really?" she asked as she looked at him. He didn't look away. "Come to think of it, what happened to that short temper of yours, that fiery attitude?"
"It's on vacation," he joked.
"You seem so different today," she commented.
He shrugged.
"As do you," he told her.
She was getting ready to say something else when the doors opened and Kikyo came rushing in.
"InuYasha!" she said as she hurried over to him and threw her arms around him. "I've been looking everywhere for you! At last, I finally found you!"
'Of course she wouldn't expect the library. I doubt she truly even knows what a library is…' Kagome thought bitterly.
InuYasha freed himself from her chokehold and gathered the things he'd brought with him.
"You're expected to meet with your father at once," she told him as she tried to get her slimy paws on him once again.
He sidestepped her and sighed.
Kagome was strangely amused by this. It seemed that today, he really didn't want her near him. What was wrong with him? He wasn't himself right now. He seemed so down in the dumps…sad…
"It was a pleasure speaking to you, but now I must go," he told her as Kikyo grabbed his arm and led him out of the room.
Before they left, however, Kikyo looked back at her with an of territorial, jealous, and hateful look on her face.
Kagome rolled her eyes as soon as Kikyo left and thought about InuYasha.
He really wasn't himself. He spoke to her in such a civilized way. He wasn't his normal rude self. Against her will, she was worrying about him.
Who knew. Maybe there was a gentleman with manners hidden behind that rude demeanor. She shrugged as she looked at the stray documents he'd left behind in his hurry.
Maybe he really did care about the kingdom. And from the way he talked…maybe those rumors were only rumors. If that were the case, she was more confused than ever.
She shook her head.
She put the stuff he'd left behind back where it was supposed to be. She returned to her room and laid on her bed. It was unusually quiet so she knocked on Sango's door.
"Sango?" she said as she continued to knock. "Are you in there?"
She opened the door that joined the two rooms and saw that her friend wasn't there.
'I wonder where she could have disappeared to…'
She was all alone in her big room with absolutely nothing to do. She sat around for what seemed like forever.
She wanted to rub her eyes, so she took off the glasses and sat them on her lap. When she looked down at them, however, and saw her glasses in the pocket of her dress, she realized that she'd taken InuYasha's with her by mistake.
It was funny how they had the exact same prescription. She supposed that she'd have to return them to him the next time she saw him.
She was bored, bored to death. She decided to sit by the window and look out at the rain since she loved the weather so much.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him there. She saw InuYasha standing in the rain. He looked so sad, as if his best friend had just died. She didn't know if he was crying or not since he was so far away and it was raining.
Then again, guys didn't usually cry, did they? But even if she couldn't see the expression on his face, the way is shoulders were drooping, his very aura…she could feel his unhappiness…and that made her feel unhappy, too.
Kagome had skipped dinner and Sango still hadn't returned by the time she went to sleep. She looked out the window before she climbed into her bed.
InuYasha was long gone, but she'd sat there for what seemed like hours, watching him in the rain. And even after he'd disappeared from her sight, his grief had stayed with her.
She sighed.
What if she'd misjudged him this whole time? What if Prince InuYasha wasn't all that she'd convinced herself all this time?
Or maybe she was just thinking this way because he was so sad about something? Maybe she was pitying him because she had a heart? She didn't know. All she did know was that she had to figure many things out and she had to do it soon.
Some time in the night, she'd woken up to the sound of a door opening and then closing. She sighed as she yawned. Sango had finally returned. The clock told her that it was after midnight.
As much as she'd love to barge into Sango's room and question her about her whereabouts, she resisted the temptation and rolled onto her stomach before drifting back to sleep.
Sango was grown, right? If she wanted to stay gone all day and then come back during the late hours of night, who was she to get in her business? Well, she was her cousin and best friend and the princess of their kingdom…
She didn't know what Sango was up to, but her friend would tell her when she wanted to, right? She trusted Sango, so she wasn't really worried.
As she did fall asleep, the image of InuYasha in the rain came to mind. She could see it as if it were being projected onto the screen of her shut eyelids.
The memories of their conversation earlier assailed her.
Today had confused her. She wasn't sure what to think now. All she knew was that she didn't have too much time left.
She had to find out the truth and find it out soon. Her mission was not yet complete. She'd come here to investigate her fiancé and, if she could, find suitable evidence to get her out of this marriage.
After all, she agreed with InuYasha. Marrying somebody she didn't love was not something that she wanted to do. And she definitely didn't want to marry somebody who might betray her trust.
She'd come there to free herself from InuYasha, to finally be rid of him, the burden that she'd had to endure since infancy. But as she continued to think about it more and more, she began to wonder if that was really the right thing to do.