Chapter 21

Finn was the first to enter the room where the little girl sat with her back faced to the door "Ava?" he piped up in a gentle tone trying not to startle her, she turned around in disbelief "daddy?" her eyes were puffy and her face flushed "we need to talk" he pulled the cowering Rachel from behind him and sat her next to him on the bed so the was a girl on both sides. "Are you angry?" she murmered trying to look uninterested "no... but you shouldn't have talked to mom bad" he used a stern yet delicate tone "I know" she looked down to her shoes "is there something you'd like to say to her?" the little girl jumped of the bed and stood infront of Rachel "I'm sorry for talking bad mommy" everytime she called her mommy her heart would instantly heal "that's ok baby, but don't do it again" she pulled the girl inbetween then so she half sat on her knee.

"So what else do you want to talk about?" she seemed nervous and bit the edge of her lip "a few things... firstly about me and dad" Rachel explained getting comfortable for the long conversation ahead "do we have to? I'll stop asking" she fiddled with her hands "yes we do" Finn interfered "I-I know you really want us to be together but it's really complicated Ava and it's going to take time before anything happens so you have to be patient and be happy with the way things are instead of waiting all the time" Rachel had begun to smooth the little girls hair that fell down her back "ok" was all she said looking to Finn who nodded. "And I want to talk about Shelby?" she felt her daughter stiffen slightly "do you not like her?" Finn asked "no! I like her and I like Beth too" she assured "so why don't you act like you do?" Rachel added "I-I... she scares me" her voice was so timid and shaky that it broke her mothers heart "why are you scared?" Rachel pulled her daughter closer.

"I don't know..." she knew but didn't want to tell "you can say anything you know that" Finn nudged her playfully "you told me she was never there for you and you always wished she was..." she shook her head lost for words "... you weren't here, and I ALWAYS wanted you, I needed you I still do like you need your mom but it's confusing because she must be bad if she was never here... you came back" they were completely lost for words after her explanation scarily it made perfect sense.

"Ava my mom couldn't have been there for me, it was under special circumstances..." "yah but she came back when you were in highschool and you said she left again?" she was suddenly regretting telling her everything, Finn noticed her distress and decided to jump in "ok so do you remember when I was on the trampoline with you and I fell on you and..." "you broke my arm" she finished his sentence while raising her eyebrows "you broke her arm!" Rachel screeched making them both chuckle "and once we got back from the emergency room you refused to talk to me for what felt like forever" she nodded trying to surpress a giggle "and nana came to talk to you... what did she say?" Rachel sat with a curios face the whole time.

Ava took a deep breath "forgivness is a virtue of the brave" she recited proudly, Rachel smirked realising what Finn was getting to "so you forgived me didn't you?
because you're brave and an amazing person" she blushed slightly at the compliment "now your mom is also a brave amazing person" Rachel felt like crying at the cuteness of the moment "so thats why she forgave her mommy too" Ava stated looking to Rachel who nodded profusely trying to diguise the tears sitting in her eyes.

"Is there anything else... because west side story is on in like five minutes" they laughed at her dramatics "no you're free to go" Rachel sighed, she scampered out of the room leaving her parents sitting with their legs stretched out on the bed leaning against the wall "thank you" Rachel smiled "no need to thank me" and with that they submitted into a comfortable silence. Around twenty minutes later they heard a familiar voice project through the whole apartment and it wasn't Ava "Puerto Rico my hearts true devotion..." they entered the living room to see Santana unexpectedly prancing around the living room with Ava belting out the lyrics to America which was currently on the TV "Santana?" she stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed them watching "umm hi" she snapped out of west side story mode and placed Ava back in her original spot.

"Everything ok?" Rachel asked walking towards the kitchen "yah I umm just needed a lil girl talk thats all" she felt a little awkward considering Finn was here "aaaand that is my cue" he joked before grabbing his coat and saying his good byes. "So whats up?" they both sat at the dining table with drinks while Ava watched her movie "Ok so lets face it we're not getting any younger, and we decided a few years ago that we weren't going to have kids naturally because of all the..." a smile crept onto Rachels face as the latino rambled "and now she wants to adopt!" "and you don't?" "no! I do just-" she was lost for words which was a first with Santana 'big mouth' Lopez.

"It's ok to be scared you know..." Rachel soothed placing her hand on hers "I should know more than anyone" she chuckled slightly and so did the other woman "it's a big deal you know? a baby" she looked more mezmorized than scared "you'd be amazing parents San, Ava loves you guys to peices" Santana gave a loving smile "thanks Rach... I love you guys" she was never good with the sappy talk but she felt the need to tell her "we love you too."

"Hey aunt Quinn" it was Wednesday afternoon and Quinn was on pick up duty with Connie who was getting a lot bigger "hey Connie" she cooed kissing the babies cheek, "hows school sweetie?" she asked walking towards the car "good Mrs James asked me to sing at story hour" Ava had become quite popular around when it came to her voice she was preditected to be the future star of New York "she did! thats awesome what did you sing?" "somewhere over the rainbow" she shown a toothy grin before getting into the car.

"Guess what?" Ava sat at the island in the kitchen as Quinn made her a snack "what?" she replied facing the other way "Beth text me" she smiled "did she?" she brought over the chopped up and apple and peanut butter "she asked me how I was" she had become farely comfortable with her knew aunt "thats nice" she smiled genuinley before passing a fidgeting Connie her pink sippy cup. "Are things ok with Shelby now?" she asked "yah mom's asked me if she can come over next weekend when I stay" she explained "that'll be fun" her enthusiam was very false and Ava wasn't soft she snorted making Quinn laugh "you're your mothers daughter" Ava looked confused for a moment "off course I am she's my mommy" Quinn giggled "no it's an old saying meaning you're a lot like your mom" Ava smiled relived before going back to her apple.

"What do I call her?" it was a question she'd expected some time soon "whatever you want... she said to call her whatever your comfortable with" she smiled reasurringly "but I don't know?" her voice was too cute to ignore "ok so: nana..." "already got one of those" "umm grandma" "only old people are called grandma and she doesn't look that old" Rachel chuckled slightly before answering in a jokier tone "Abuela!" "we're not spanish mommy" she pointed her finger at her sternly, then they heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Ava" she entered the room and hugged the smaller girl after her daughter, after removing her coat she came and sat with them at the table "we were just discussing what Ava should call you" Rachel told making Ava blush, "really?" she became interested "mmm her answers to my ideas here: I've already got one, shes not old enough and we're not Spanish" Shelby laughed slightly before turning to the little girl "call me whatever you're comfortable with" she nodded before helplessly slipping back into her shy ways which Rachel was willing to do anything to prevent. A variety of chinese food and Barbra Striesand related conversations later she had began to warm up to the woman "you'll have to come on set for the day sometime soon, the guys where really impressed when I told them you knew the words to every show tune" she smiled "you told them about me?" Ava blurted out stunned "off course I haven't stopped bragging about you since the day we met" Rachel felt teary at their conversation "I-I'll have to sing with you one time" she smiled "why not now?" Rachel interfered.

It wasn't long before they started to sing 'your never fully dressed without a smile' the three womens voices blended together beautifully, "you have quite the voice"
Shelby did one of her 'Shelby' smiles which was fairly charming "thanks" she giggled. "Bed time Ava" "nawww mommy" she whined slumping her shoulders, they were sitting on the couch talking and watching show tune clips "come on sweetie it's really late" Shelby admired Rachel as a mother considering everything she went through, to her she's perfect. "Say goodnight to..." she was stuck for an ending "...Gram" Ava smiled before climbing towards Shelby "I don't want to call you Grandma because it sounds too old! so if I mix it up a lil it sounds much better" she explained "do you mind?" she added "not at all I'd love to be your Gram" Shelby uncontrolabley pulled her close and kissed her cheek and was relived when she didn't pull away "goodnight Ava" she called as the little girl walked away "night Gram".

Rachel was buzzing as she left her daughters room "I'm so happy" Shelby instantly pulled her into a teary hug "I knew she'd warm up soon" Rachel smiled widely sitting next to her on the couch "so I'm offically Gram..." she thought for a moment "... I like it" they giggled then fell into a comfortable silence. "Your an amazing mother" she muttered turning her head slightly "thanks" Rachel blushed showing her modest side "but I-I'm really not" Rachel was very insecrue when it came to her prenting she could never forgive herself for what happened. "You know Rach you can kick youself as much as you want but you'll always be wrong... you came back" Shelby felt suddenly at ease waiting for her to reply "you did too; took you more than six years..." she chuckled slightly "but you did" Rachel was all up for forgiveness especially after what Ava said a couple of days ago... 'forgiveness is a virtue of the brave'

It was officially May and Finn thought of a genius idea (or what he thought was a 'genius' idea) to feed his daughters boredom "Come here" he called up the stairs and it wasn't long before the two girls came toppling down "yah?" they walked into the living room where Finn sat messing with the DVD player "I found some home movies when I was at nana's and I thought we could watch them" he smiled, Rachel felt a bit awkward at first hoping she wasn't included in very many. "Oh my god I can't believe you let me do that!" Ava squealed as her parents laughed hysterically, they all sat on the couch an adult on either side of the child, the video they'd just watched was one where a one year old Ava was practically swimming in strained peaches "so cute" Rachel mumbled slowing down her giggles.

"Whats this one?" Ava lifted out a CD from the box and held in the air "whats it say?" "Ava's song" she read passing it to her dad to put on the TV 'Finn move out the way... calm down Rach... smile Ava' they watched on as Ava sat on the floor smiling to her parents who attempted to make her laugh "mamamama... yah baby?... can you giggle for daddy princess?..." as the video went on it shown Rachel and Finn singing to the little girl who laughed hysterically at her parents. The room was completely silent everyone had their eyes glued to the TV "when was that?" Ava finally piped up once the song was finished, Rachel looked as if someone had dragged her out of her daze "err you were about ten months old" she smiled unsure on how to feel, the video was from before she got pregnant with Arielle and things where happy, "I don't want to watch them anymore" and with that the ten year old stood up and walked out of the room leaving her parents frozen in their seats.

"Ava honey I've got to go" she entered her room where the child sat staring out of the window "ok" she mumbled not acknowledging her presence, Rachel sensed something wrong as usually Ava would fight for her to stay "you ok?" "... mmhmm" she was in no rush so slumped onto the bed "I'm sorry if those videos upset you" Rachel said "they didn't upset me... what do you think it would be like if Arielle was here?" she turned on the spot to face her mother who looked stunned. "I don't know baby" she really didn't know what to say considering everytime her brain wandared she'd always stop herself before she got to that place "I wish she was here... then nobody would have been sad" she snuggled closer into her mom wanting to be comforted "I know babe me too" she soothed, Rachel had never really thought about how much Ava remebered she shrugged it off as she was too young, obviously not.

"Do you r-remember much?" the older bruenette leaned back to look at the childs face "a little" she looked down towards her shoes "you can talk about it you know?"
maybe it was a good idea to get it all out "aunt Quinn was crying. No one would tell me why" Rachel's heart ached listening to her talk "... and then you were gone and I cried a lot but you never came back" she quickly jumped of the bed startling Rachel, she sat on the floor and pulled out a box once she took the lid of she pulled out what looked to be a scrap book "I made this and I add stuff to it when I'm sad or I'd look at it when I missed you" she passed the book to her mothers who just sat staring at the front cover reading the four names scribbled in child like writing.

They sat together going through each page most of them where photos that Finn or another family member had gave to her and there where drawings with explanations underneath "that picture was on mommy's day... Quinn took me to get a mani-man..." "mani pedi?" "yah that" she smiled before explaining why she chose the colour blue go on her nails but Rachel was too busy day dreaming to take in any of her words, it should have been her.

Notice-
completely and utterly overwhelmed with all the reviews and comments, they were all so sweet especially 'pinkprincess007'
so lovely and reassuring... if only I could get fourteen reviews for every chapter :)
life sucks at the moment - think I wanna be a journalist but my family are very against it! so I need something to cheer me up :)
Anyway hopefully it'll be the same for the next chapter and I get to 100!... (at least)
thank you amigos :)

BTW- I REALLY loved writing the next chapter and I'm pretty sure you guys will LOVE it too...
Depending on how many reviews I get it'll be posted either tomorow or in a couple of days :)