Full Frontal (Not in That Way)
The door to the office swung open as the two shuffled in. From across the room, the receptionist shifted her gaze between them and the clipboard behind the window. "The Thompsons, right?"
"Yup," said Doug Thompson, now playfully half-embracing Kevin through his track suit. "I'm here for this little guy."
A smile approached her face as she nodded. "Well, the doctor isn't occupied right now. You can go in."
They entered the hallway to find one visible room, a cozy-looking office where a man was sitting, proudly bedecked in a snow-white lab coat. His eyes glimmered as they fell upon his visitors. "Please, do come in."
Two chairs awaited them inside. "So," the doctor started as they sat themselves down, "what brings you here today?"
"Well, you see," replied Doug, "me and Charlene have been trying to give Kevin here a start by getting him a squeeze. Thing is, though, most of them...aren't exactly his type. You think you got any for him?"
"Let me ask him what he wants." He turned to the barely pubescent kid in the adjacent chair. "Hair color?"
"What's the lightest you got?"
"I'm assuming you're not including albino."
"Why would I want a rhino?"
"Okay, blonde it is. Height?"
"Five foot six!"
"No, I mean her-never mind. Now, try not to laugh at the next one. Bust size?"
"Uh, um..."
"Make 'em so he can use 'em as a pillow," Doug butted in.
"All right, sir. Now, I would usually perform an IQ test, but given his answers..." Mr. Thompson started to scowl. "Uh, he's so extraordinary that I know exactly what to do. Give me a moment." He rose up and retrieved what looked like a set of keys and two very thin ice picks. The door behind him came as a surprise to them both, but less so than the subtle shine of iron chains coming from the dark room within. A girl's voice could be heard inside.
"Yay, light! Can we eat now-wait, why are you putting that through my eye-" Both father and son cringed as the dialogue descended into bloodcurdling screams, punctuated by occasional cries of "Keep still!" Ten minutes later, he emerged, gently pushing a buxom blonde by her back as if to guide her. Her face was blank and her stare vacant. The doctor rectified what he could as he gingerly pushed up the sides of her mouth to form a simple smile.
"Okay, Kevin, say hello to Brittany."
As was made evident by the way he had to pull Kevin off his freshly-crafted lover and vice-versa, he did much more than say "hello."