Despite my desire to continue in distrusting Katniss I do my best in trying to honor Prim's plea to not give up on her. The Capitol has already taken so much away from me, they stripped me of my innocence by sending me into those games; they manipulated me, destroyed my district and murdered my family. If what people here have said is true then Katniss must have been very important to me. If the footage they show and my memories that come along with it are accurate then the Capitol has also tried to take my love for Katniss away from me; but there is still a small part of me that clings desperately to the hope that those past feelings were real, as long as I have that the Capitol has failed.

So I try, I spend my time repeatedly watching every piece of footage District 13 has of Katniss and me, analyzing every word and every move we both make. Everything I see feels so real, but then again so do the other memories I have of the same events. I recall Dr Aureilus' previous conversation with my medics and how he said that one day I am just going to have to decide for myself which version of my memories I believe and so far I am having no luck. Time continues to pass and I am entirely caught up in my own head, trying my best to unravel my mess of a mind by scrutinizing every memory and thought. If I ever thought that I was beginning to gain control over my episodes I was wrong, because now I find myself falling into them more and more frequently, but not due to rage or fear like they were originally but because of the constant state of utter confusion I find myself in.

"I need answers." I exclaim in a fit of frustration, my voice is horse as I realize that this is first time I have spoken in 24 hours. My hands roughly find their way to my head and my fingers pull at my hair to stop myself to from screaming. "I need to figure out what's going on, I just… I need to…" I struggle to find the words, which only adds to my irritation, "I need to speak to Delly." I conclude in a huff of defeat.

There is no one my room with me but I know they are watching me, probably relieved that I have once again found my ability to speak that they might even allow my request, and they do. Only minutes after the door opens and Delly appears and I already feel a slight sense of relief at seeing her familiar face.

"Hey Delly," I say as I try and manage a small smile.

"Hello Peeta, its so good to see you again, your looking much better." Delly beams as she makes her way over to the chair positioned as the edge of my bed.

"Thanks," I mummer, unconvinced.

This isn't the first time I have been told this, but it's hard to believe because when people say this I can always spot a small flicker of fear in their eyes, which contradicts their words. Despite constant reassurances that I am progressing in my treatment I am still approached with apprehension, and even though I truly believe Delly cares about me I can tell she is no different, she's just slightly better at hiding it behind her warm smile. I am a bomb they are expecting to go off at any second, and this is an expectation that I usually live up to… and I am ashamed of myself for it. Maybe I'm the monster…

"Peeta?" Delly's voice brings my attention back to her; she is looking at me concerned but I can't seem to find any words, she obviously takes my eye contact as the best form of communication she's going to get from me at the moment because she continues, "they said that you had some questions to ask me?"

I nod, and she looks at me expectantly but I have no idea where to begin. There are a million questions running through my mind how am I supposed to gasp onto just one?

"I need you to tell me about Katniss, at the moment she is just a name that I hear and a face I see on the screens and my memories... I need to know about who she is as a person."

"What do you want to know Peeta?"

I sigh; I don't even know what I want to hear… "Anything you can think of."

Delly thinks for a moment looking at her hands that are fidgeting in her land, "Well we talked about how Katniss had to provide for her family from a young age… she could only really do that because she was so good with a bow, she would always go out into the woods and bring back something. I always admired her so much, and I wasn't the only one… I think you father used to buy squirrels from her."

I nod, I knew this from watching all the footage of our games but now I can tie the pieces together and understand where she got her unsurpassed skill with a bow. I realize that I can remember watching a much younger Katniss disappear into the greenery of the woods in District 12, climbing through the disabled electric fence with ease. I can even remember eating one of her squirrels for dinner, listening to my dad praise her shot and go on about how she always hit the animal in the eye, careful not to damage the valuable meat. My previous labels towards Katniss consisted of her being a Target to eliminate, a Mutt to fear and an Enemy to be wary of. Now I have a new edition to the list… Hunter. I guess that counts progress…

"Things of course got a lot easier for her when you both won your games, but I still saw Katniss going into the woods to hunt… So it must have been more to her than just a means to survive. It was the only time I really saw her after you both moved to the Victors Village…"

I think of the impressive line of houses that had the purpose to be occupied by the District 12 victors of The Hunger Games, but despite their beautiful architecture the whole village had an uncanny resemblance to a graveyard. I think of Katniss' house, so close to mine… I suddenly remember the times I used to watch her front door for the chance of catching a glimpse of her on the rare occasion she ventured outside. Neighbour… another label to add to the list.

"Did my family live with me?" I ask as I remember a sense of loneliness as I recall the large house.

Delly's face breaks composure and becomes a canvas of sorrow at the mention of my family, "No, your parents stayed at the bakery. Your mum used to say that it was a more practical decision. Your brothers used to visit you quite a bit. Rye spent most of his time at the Bakery when he wasn't at school but he would always visit you when he had the chance. But its was Bran who you spent the most time with, you even told me that he used to spend a couple of nights at your house with you."

I remember this, I remember my brothers… Rye was always our mother's favourite; despite being the youngest he always showed the most potential in the family business. He was quiet and reserved but always a hard worker, which allowed him to earn my mothers admiration. Bran always had a hard time getting along with our mother, which consequently caused him to want to further himself from the bakery as much as possible, but he always stayed… maybe because of me and Rye, or maybe because of our father… either way I was glad he did. My residence in the Victor's Village provided Bran with a much-needed escape when he needed to put some distance between himself and our mother and I was always grateful for the company. The more I think of them the more I start to remember the small things like Rye's dirty blonde hair that always fell over his eyes, Bran's crocked smile, the sound of my mother's voice calling us for dinner and the constant encouraging pats on the back from my father. I shake my head to rid the memories from my mind just as the pain inside me expands to the point that I feel as if I might come apart. They are gone, everything about them ceases to exist… this realization never gets easier to acknowledge and I feel tears begin to build in my eyes along with a scream that threatens to escape from my mouth.

"What is the point in this?" I ask frustrated, my hands begin to spasm and I move them to their usual position of clutching at my hair.

Though my question was aimed at myself rather than Delly she responds, "The point of what Peeta? Your treatment?"

I let out an almost psychotic laugh, "No not my treatment Delly. In everything, in life! Why am I here Delly? Why aren't I dead? I feel my voice growing progressively louder but I don't stop, "… I should be dead! I should be dead and not them. I was supposed to die, but now there are so many other people dead and I am still here!" I round on Delly and once again I see that flash of fear in her eyes, "I know why I am here… do you want to know why I am here Delly?" I ask forcefully, my whole body is trembling but nothing is shaking more than my hands.

"Peeta…" Delly pleas softly just as a group of medics come in, they pry my hands away from my head and hold them behind my back.

"Because this world is sick, and twisted, and wrong… to the point that it allows horrible people like me… like Katniss… like Snow, to live while so many good people die… like all those kids in the arena, like my family Delly!"

This breaks me; I stop struggling against the medics holding me and allow the tears to fall from my eyes.

"Peeta you need to stop." I hear Delly's voice say in a foreign forceful tone.

I look up at her in shock through my eyes that are clouded with tears.

"This is not you. This is not how you think Peeta, this is an example of how much the Capitol has poisoned your mind, and they are the reason for all of these negative perceptions you have on the world. The Peeta Mellark I grew up with used to be able to find the beauty in absolutely anything."

"Well I am not the person you grew up with Delly." I say roughly.

"Yes you are!" she shrieks as she stands up and moves closer to my bed.

"No I am not!" I yell as I pull free of the arms holding me, but I have regained my composure and am no longer shaking, "All I have are scattered bits of memories of what feels like a strangers life, I spend so much time trying to put them together to try and understand who I was but I cant! All I have now is what I currently am, an unstable and psychotic person that you and most people here are afraid of."

Saying the words out loud gives me some relief, as I have finally been able to put words to one of the reasons I feel so terrible all the time. I fall back into my bed and now with the ability to control my arms I rub away the tears lingering in the eyes and stare up at the white ceiling.

"Peeta please listen to me," I hear Delly beg, her voice calm once again. "I know that's probably how it feels for you at the moment, but you need to believe me when I say that you are still in there. Yes the Capitol has made you distrustful, afraid and unpredictable but that's not your who you are… that's what they made you into. That's why you have your treatment, because people here genuinely care about you and they want to help you recover from the horrible things the Capitol has done to you."

I take my focus away from the ceiling at towards Delly; the fear is gone from her eyes and replaced with determination and I genuinely do believe that she wants to help me.

"Delly you just have to understand how hard this is. I feel as though I have just been put into a stranger's body and have acquired their memories and past life. I have all these feelings but yet with no explanation to go along with them. I constantly lose control of my own body and can't control my own actions. Not to mention the fact that I am supposed to have been in love with a girl who I have a programmed urge to kill."

"That's why you have us Peeta. Together we will get you through this, we will help you understand those memories and feelings as much as we can. We are not giving up on you, so you can't give up on us."