Safe and Sound

by Touchstone67

Edward, Jasper and Bella are best friends-but when Jasper and Bella take a summer road trip through Texas-will things change between the two of them? What will happen when the trip is over and they reunite with Edward? AH JasperxBella Rated M

21. Ad Vitam Aeternam

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- Okay, once again L&F and S&S are similar in actions, but a bit less so than before because of what's happened in previous chapters. We are back to Jpov …oh and seriously dialogue heavy! It's a long one too, over 17k.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"**~~**"

Ad Vitam Aeternam

Location: Abilene (Love)

"**~~**"

The tragedies of chemistry,
People dream of what you and me
Have found...
Effortlessly.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home. –Ron Pope

"**~~**"

I heard low voices in hall near the doorway and stood up to clear my plate. At the sink, I rinsed it and then put it in the dishwasher. My mind raced with what Peter had told me, the possibility that Bella didn't love Edward, well, not romantically anyway.

More unbelievable was his suggestion that she was in love with me.

While I wanted nothing more to be true, that was something I couldn't except as possible. We had certainly grown close during the trip, and I knew she loved me as a friend. The physical shit that had happened between us had been a result of alcohol or hormones. She had been away from Jake for weeks and I hadn't fucked a woman since Maria.

If anyone understood sexual frustration, it was me. The object of my desire was always within my physical reach, even sleeping next to me nightly, and that was exactly where it stopped. Even though I woke up hard from her warm body so close, and wanted nothing more than to pull her to me and settle between her legs until we were both crying out, I walked out of the room each day with an ache.

Yeah, frustration was my middle name, and it had led me to seek gratification in a women's restroom in a bar. Her lips had felt sweet around my dick for all of about two seconds, but while my body responded in kind, what was left of my heart crumbled with each bob of her head, each moan she released…

Closing the dishwasher, I heard Peter enter the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" I asked before turning around.

"Not yet," he answered calmly. Spinning, I saw him.

Two weeks, three days, twelve hours and sixteen minutes since I had left the driveway.

And he was standing before me.

Looking like shit.

He was paler than usual, his hair dirtied and clumping, his eyes decorated with dark shadows under them, and I swear he had lost weight.

"Edward," I whispered, stunned. I had had little sleep for the past few weeks, my eyes were so swollen they were almost closed, my heart raced with the disappointment of him being a cruel illusion. "What…what are you doing…here? How did you…"

"Hey, Jasper," he greeted with a weak smile. Taking two big strides I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me.

"You really here?" I squeezed him tighter feeling his body against mine to assure me he was real. I felt his hands pat my back.

"Yeah, I'm here," he chuckled as he pulled away. "My question is, why are you here?"

I released him and moved back to the table, almost collapsing into a chair. With my elbows on the table, I buried my face in my hands.

"I'm so sorry. I just had to go. I knew…I'm sorry," I stuttered and heard him drag a chair over and sit down next to me.

"You scared the shit out of us, Jasper. We had no idea where you were, if you were safe, why you had left." Even though his voice was harsh, it still had the same calming affect he always had on me. My heart rate slowed and I took a few deep breaths.

"I know, I'm so sorry," I sighed and looked up at him. His green eyes were bright with relief as he raised his eyebrows, obviously wanting me to continue. "I don't know where to begin," I told him honestly, shrugging my shoulders.

"How about with the truth. Why did you leave?"

Biting my lip, I stared at the table, tracing the pattern in the worn laminate. Peter had told me to cowboy up, and he was right, the time had come.

"Because I love Bella," I whispered.

"Yeah, I love Bella too," he reasoned. "But I certainly wouldn't up and run away because of it."

Learning back in the chair, I watched my index finger outline the same swirl over and over before I took a deep breath and lifted my head, finally meeting his gaze, seeing a hint the mischievous glint I was so used to seeing in Peter's eyes.

"What I should have said is I'm in love with Bella."

It was out.

I had finally admitted to Edward that I was in love with Bella our Bella. My chest ached as my heart pounding in it, blood rushing through me as I waited for the inevitable.

For my world to come crashing down again.

For confirmation I was going to lose both of them, that I was nothing but a hindrance on their future.

"It's about fucking time, Jasper," he grinned and shook his head.

"What?"

"It's about fucking time that you admitted it."

Confused, I leaned toward the table again. "Admitted it?"

"You really haven't gotten much sleep, have you?" he teased and then rubbed his hands down his face a few times. "Jasper, I've known for years you've been in love with Bella…" he let his words sink in briefly before adding, "and that Bella has been in love with you."

My breath caught in my throat, and then I forgot to fucking breathe all together even though my chest heaved rapidly in attempt to get air into my lungs.

"What…did you say?" I asked, swallowing hard, half expecting him to say something completely different.

"I said, I've known for years that you have been in love with Bella and her with you." He shook his head and then furrowed his brows. "But what I don't understand is if you are in love with Bella, then why did you drop her off and leave?"

Ashamed, I hung my head. "Because you're in love with her too, and I thought tha-"

"Whoa, what did you say?" he paused but not long enough for me to repeat myself. "You think I'm in love with Bella?"

I nodded my head, my eyes back on the pattern of the table.

"Jasper, that's not possible," he chuckled, shaking his head. For some reason, I became furious, angry at his mocking tone and I clenched my jaw and slowly raised my eyes to his, meeting them defiantly.

"Not possible? Like having sex with her after the prom wasn't love? Like touching her, sleeping with her in your bed, building her bookcases, calming when she needed it…none of those were love?"

He narrowed his stare and challenged me. "You're right. All of those were done out of love, Jasper, because I do love her, very much actually. But it's not possible for me to be in love with her."

Then I became infuriated, as if she wasn't good enough or worthy of his love. It was not the Edward I knew sitting in front of me, the confidence that he emitted swirled around him in a thick aura, his knowing smile irritated me and the glaze in his eyes teased me. I felt like I had been left out of a joke and I was the punch line.

Squaring my shoulders, I challenged him right back. "Why the fuck not?"

His smile faded at my harsh tone and he turned serious again, it was his turn to stare at the table, his hands folded before him as he thought about my question. I could see a raging conflict behind his ocean-green eyes and began to panic at what his next words would be.

Fuck off, Jasper, Bella and I are getting married.

Jasper, you might be in love with each other but I'm the better guy for her.

You fucked up when you left, she doesn't want you anymore.

"Because I'm gay."

Stunned, I stared blankly at him, my mouth open as my chin dropped at his admission. I had expected him to say any number of things, but that he was gay was not one of them.

Edward was gay.

My best friend. The one that had saved my ass more than once in high school, that had spent many nights at my house, that had helped me up the stairs when I was drunk, rubbing my back as I got sick in the toilet, that had tended to my bruises on my hip after a particularly rough game of flag football, that had hugged me on a weekly basis.

He was gay.

The history of our friendship flashed before my eyes, my mind searching for hints and clues throughout the years that I had missed along the way, overt affections for boys, gay porn in his room, trying to sneak peaks at me in the shower.

And yet, all I saw was Edward being a wonderful friend that I loved.

His being gay changed absolutely nothing about him, other than his preference for who shared his bed. He was still brilliant, considerate, funny and honest.

He was still my Edward and we were still Edward and Jasper.

However his being gay did change one thing that I had assumed.

He wasn't in love with Bella.

"Oh," I murmured quietly, staring at him, examining him for something that must have changed over the past month. I found nothing. His hair, eyes, demeanor was all still very Edward. Bella and I had joked over the years about Edward's lack of girlfriends or his taste in clothes, but we had just joked, we didn't know.

Or did she?

"Bella?" I asked.

He nodded a bit, still not meeting my eyes. "She knows. I told her a few days ago. She was surprised." Inhaling deeply, he raised his eyes. "So, are we okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and me, does me being gay change anything?" he voice was soft and I could hear the slight tremble in it. He was worried that being gay meant things between him and I would change and my heart ached. Had that been why he never came out before? Had he known for years he was gay and yet never came out because he feared our reaction? My reaction? Didn't he know me better than that, I loved him as Edward, gay or straight, it didn't matter. How long had he carried it around with him, the worry and fear of rejection?

Then I realized I had done the same thing. For years, I had never told Bella how I felt for fear of her rejecting me and not being able to deal with losing her friendship too and yet Edward had suffered right along with me.

Smiling, I reached out and took his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze. "Not a fucking thing. You're still Edward."

Letting out the breath he had apparently been holding, he squeezed back and then released my hand. "Thanks, I've been worried about it."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, Edward?"

Deep green eyes met mine evenly, his lips turned up in a knowing smirk. "Why didn't you?"

I glanced away quickly. "Point taken." My hands returned to the pattern on the table. "Can I ask you something?"

"Jasper, I just came out to you, I'm pretty sure nothing you ask is going to shock me," he chuckled.

"Oh, yeah, you're probably right."

"So, your question?"

"How did you know that I love Bella?" I asked slowly.

"It was easy, Jasper. Any fool could see it. It was in…well, everything. The way you looked at her, touched her, protected her, even in the way you spoke to her. It was in the way that…that you lived for her. Everything you did was for her, because of her."

I hung my head, my dirty curls shielding my face and embarrassment. "I thought I hid it."

"You did a poor job. It was a beautiful thing to witness but honestly it was frustrating as hell as well."

A blush covered my cheeks and I felt them heat up. "Frustrating how?"

"I just wanted to yell at you, tell you to get it over with, tell her, but I couldn't," he scolded. Clearing my throat at his tone, I sat up straight, readying to ask him to clarify but he beat me to it. "Jasper, you had to do it on your own. No one could force you into it, you had to go at your own pace but God damn your pace was fucking slow. And unfortunately, once you realized it, you were too scared. Then you thought that she and I…"

In a shaking voice, I asked, "How do you know she loves me?"

"Because of all the same reasons I knew you did, she might have hid it a bit better, but once I had seen it on your end, I began to look for it on hers and saw it clear as day. It was in everything, but the…" he sighed and smiled, "the way she would push her hair behind your ears, that just spoke volumes. Oh and…she told me," he finished with a wide, happy grin.

In shock, my eyes widened, my head shot up and my heart halted in my chest. "She…" I began.

"Told me," he finished.

"When?"

"Right before I told her I was gay, she had told me she was in love with you but hadn't done anything because she feared making me jealous," he laughed a bit at the last part. "When she told me that, I had to tell her why I wouldn't be jealous."

"What about Jake? She loved him," I countered.

Shrugging, he shook his head. "I think she did in some way but, Jasper, she didn't love him the same way she does you. He was nothing compared to her love for you. She did say no, right?"

The night she had told me she had said no was so clear, I could practically feel her curled up in my arms like she had been that night, her soft breaths on my chest as she cried and held me tight. I had felt so useless being unable to console her, to offer her nothing more than a hug. It had been Edward that had been able to pull her from the darkness she had fallen into, not me. Clearly, he had an ability with her that I did not.

"You're wrong," he stated simply.

"How do you that? It's like your reading my mind or something?"

Laughing, he reached up and stretched his arms above his head. "Nah, it's more like I've been your best friend for six years, I can read you pretty damn well." After leaning to both sides, he put his arms back down. "You gave her exactly what she needed that night, Jasper, comfort, love, silence. She just needed to be held. You did that, not me."

"Only because you weren't here."

"Stop it, stop making excuses. You've done it for years, it's time to just stop. She wants you, I don't know how else to say it any clearer. She loves you, you love her, I don't see the problem."

I felt my eyes begin to water. There was no doubt he was right, he always had been, but that didn't change my biggest fear.

"Edward, what…" I took a deep breath. "What if I fuck it up? What if things are great for a few months then I fuck up and she leaves. I don't think could handle that. I can't have her, all of her and then just…not. It would break me."

"It's okay to be scared, Jasper. We all are when it comes to love, we all fear that same thing. Losing the love of our lives, but ya know, it's a gamble, a risk but when you take that risk with the right person? It's so worth it." He finished with a small, dreamy smile.

Suddenly, I wondered if Edward had a love of his life. Who would he take the risk for?

"What about you? Anyone you would risk it all for?"

"Honestly?" he asked and I nodded. "The one I would prefer above all others is off the market." He paused and let the words sink before he winked and I swallowed hard.

"Do you mean m-"

He interrupted, "I'm content, Jasper. I have school, a good future. I need to focus on that right now. Love will come for me someday, but until then, I'm good with just waiting."

Pushing his chair out, he stood up. "She's here," he announced suddenly.

Looking up at him to see his wide grin, my heart skipped what I thought might be its final beat. "What?"

"She's outside in the car." He motioned toward the doorway.

"She's here?"

"Outside in the car," he repeated slowly for me. Standing, I shook my head.

"I'm a mess, look at me?" I looked down at my dirty clothes. "I haven't showered, shaved…"

"You look great," he teased as he winked. "Seriously, Jasper, we flew down here in the middle of the night and then drove, do you really think she gives a shit what you look like? Besides, she hasn't showered yet either. You guys can smell awful together."

Suddenly I needed to be with her, to see her, hold her, to finally let her know.

"I got to go," I said as I brushed by him and headed for the door. My heart was already outside with her, and I needed to catch up with it. Stopping at the doorway, I put a hand on the wall as a horrible thought hit me. "What if she doesn't forgive me?" I whispered to the floor.

"She already does."

The tears started and I turned to face him, showing him my vulnerability and love for her once and for all. In three steps, I had him in my arms, crushing him tightly to me.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered in his ear. I felt his head nod next to mine before he pulled back and wiped my tears from my cheeks.

"Go get your happily ever after, Jasper," he whispered back. "You deserve it."

Nodding, I turned and walked out the doorway, and prayed he was right.

The morning sun was blinding when I walked outside. There was a small rental parked on the street at the end of the driveway but even when I squinted and shielded my eyes, I didn't see her.

She wasn't in it or standing by it.

My body started to shake with the fear that she'd had second thoughts; she had realized how foolish it was to have come with Edward, that I wasn't worth it after it all.

"You are worth it," a soft voice said from the driveway. Turning slowly, I saw her, learning up against my truck and looking all kinds of ordinarily beautiful. Her hair was pulled back, but partially falling down around her face in long, loose waves, her eyes were filled with emotion and their shadows revealed her lack of sleep. With her legs crossed at the ankles and her arms folded across her chest, she was biting her lips while her eyes warily glanced around.

For the first time weeks, I felt hope.

Slowly, I walked over to her and stood so close she had to tilt her head up to see me. I didn't even think about what I was doing as my hands cupped her face and I bent to her, all I thought of were the years that had passed, that had been wasted by my stupidity and lack of faith in her and Edward. All I could think of was kissing her…as a man in love with her.

I was barely aware of her gasp as our lips met. Softly brushing my lips over hers, I felt my cheeks dampen again and I let the tears fall and mingle with hers as her tongue pressed against my lips. Our kiss had quickly gone from languidly reacquainting to impatient and greedy. Her small fingers twisted into my hair, gripping it as she stood on her toes, pressing her body to mine, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground completely. When I moaned into the kiss, I felt her smile.

We had kissed before, even some groping but none of them compared to that one kiss on a steamy summer day in a driveway in Texas.

Because that time we were in love.

Our hearts pounded in a synchronized rhythm against each other as our lips met over and over. Breaking the kiss, she pulled away first and looked into my eyes, searching for what she already knew. The sunlight in her own made them almost gold, bringing out golden highlights of her deep brown I had never noticed before.

There were so many things I had never noticed before, that I hadn't allowed myself to notice for fear of losing it all. But it was time to notice it all, the location of every freckle, those new colors in her eyes, the way her body contoured to mine so perfectly.

I closed my eyes and thanked God. I wasn't a religious man, but Bella was surely an angel and it had taken an act of divine intervention to bring her to me.

Or perhaps just Edward.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella."

Nothing I said, or did, would or could ever make up the pain I had caused her, caused us. Resting my forehead to hers, I stroked her cheek with my thumb.

Then my life became more complete than I ever thought possible.

"I love you, Jasper," she whispered into the sweet air that we shared between us. My heart no longer pounded, it had burst, exploding with a happiness I had never felt before and dreaded I might never again. The heart that had been so broken, so crushed and shattered was completely mended with four small words. I vowed to worship at her alter for the rest of my life.

"I love you, too, so fucking much," I murmured as I tilted my head to take her lips with mine again. Laughing and crying into the kiss, we couldn't get close enough, our hands fisting clothes and hair, our nails digging into flesh. "I love you, I love you, I love you," I repeated, each time enjoying saying the words more than the previous.

I didn't realize they had come out to until Peter spoke behind us. "About fucking time," he chuckled.

"Amen," Edward agreed, laughing.

Bella smiled as I rocked us back and forth by my truck. The truck we had spent so much time, the one that had safely brought us to and home from Texas, where we had learned so much about each other, and had mended our broken friendship.

"I'm really fucking glad to see you again," I sighed, squeezing her.

"It's nice to be seen," she said, laying her head against my chest.

Peter cleared his throat behind me. "Well, damn this is sweet and romantic and all that shit, but it's hotter than a stolen tamale out here, so how about y'all take this little reunion inside while I take Edward here to the store for some food for the grill."

I released my hold on Bella, but kept her hand in mine and turned toward them.

Edward looked slightly uncomfortable at the suggestion but nodded his head in agreement anyway.

Tugging on Bella's hand, I walked up to them. "Don't worry, Edward, Peter is harmless…mostly."

"Fuck you, mostly," he scoffed and turned to Edward. "I'm an outstanding member of this community, a employee of the court system, a-"

"Be sure you tell him about borrowing the horses, stealing from the five and dime and sneaking into the movies," I reminded him.

Shrugging, he flashed us all a wide grin. "Alright, so there are a few indiscretions in my youth, we all have them, right, Jasper?"

Edward folded his arms across his chest. "Oh really? I got to hear about those."

"How long you here for?" Peter asked Edward.

"Tonight, I have to go back to work day after tomorrow."

"Well, one night isn't long enough for all the indiscretions but it's a good start. You're staying here, right?" Peter asked but didn't wait for an answer. "You can stay here, the couch is comfortable. I'll grill, we'll eat and I'll tell you a few stories about the sordid past of your best friend, "Peter promised. "Lets you and me run to the store and give these lovebirds some alone time," he said as he headed for his truck with Edward following. "Oh and Jasper?" he called out from his truck. "Condoms are in the top drawer in my room."

Blushing, I rolled my eyes and listened to Edward's roaring laughter as he climbed into the truck and they pulled out. Something told me I was going to pay a steep price for letting my old best friend and current best friend have time alone together.

When they were out of sight, I looked down at Bella and saw her staring up at me. "What?" I asked self consciously.

"You're beautiful," she smiled.

"So are you," I kissed her forehead. "Want to go sit out on the deck?" Nodding, she led the way through the house, stopping in the kitchen for a few lemonades before we walked back into the heat and sat in the shade under the umbrella. Sitting down next to me, she reached out with one hand and grasped one of mine. My heart leaped at the gesture. Tightly, I retuned her hold. We sat in the silence in the heat as she gazed at our hands, constantly moving them. Her fingers tracing the lines in my palms, stroking the back of my hand, tangling our fingers together, or putting the tips and palms together like she was comparing their size. The sun was high in the light blue sky and time slowly passed as she played with our hands.

Finally, she spoke. "Does it ever cool off here?" she asked fanning herself.

"Sure, a few days in January it gets below seventy," I replied lightly, taking a sip of my lemonade.

Reaching up, she pushed my hair off my face and behind my ear, "You're a mess, Jasper," she said worriedly. I took her hand from my hair and brought it to my lips.

I took a leap and hoped she had a safety net. "So you forgive me?"

She sighed and frowned. "Of course I forgive you. I love you." Her eyes narrowed at me. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not fucking pissed off at you."

"And you've got every right to b-"

"Let me finish," she said sternly, glaring at me. "You just up and left, no text, no phone call, nothing. We had no idea where you were or if you were even safe or alive. Edward tried to keep it together, to go about things reasonably but he was just as worried and lost as I was."

As she spoke, I hung my head like a scolded child. Of course, she was right. I opened my mouth to speak, not to defend myself, there was no use in that, but to explain why had I had done it. Pressing her finger to my lip, she stopped me.

"How long have you known?" she asked.

"That I loved you?"

"Yes."

Taking a deep breath I thought back to the first time I had discovered it was love. "I've felt…something since the first day I met you. But love didn't come until later. The first time think I realized I loved you was at the Prom. Holding you, dancing with you…and watching you dance with Edward, how it made me feel. I felt so much for you and at the same time, felt guilty as hell."

"Alice," she whispered and I nodded.

"Yeah. I was there with her, and all I could think of was wanting to be there with you."

"Did you love Alice?"

Considering her words, I closed my eyes and thought back to my relationship with Alice, how fun and exciting it had been. Exploring each others bodies, making love for the first time, her tinkling laugh, the way she looked up at me, the way my heart raced when she bit her lip.

"Yes, I did, but by the time I realized I was in love with you, Alice and I had become more close friends than anything, I knew my love for her had changed. At some point it had evolved. With her it was all about the newness, but with you, it was about…everything else. There was really no comparison, Bella, I was utterly head over heels for you."

When she looked down, I saw her cheeks flush. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

It was a fair question, but one I could ask of her as well.

"A few reasons. At first, I wasn't sure if it was love, and then there was so much bad timing and then there was Edward…and Jake."

"And?" she squeezed my hand. "Tell me."

I released her hand and buried my face in mine. "I felt like I was never good enough. Not necessarily that you gave me that impression but I lived in Edward's shadow. The guy is fucking perfect at everything, and being around him all those years, well, it destroyed what little confidence I had. Girls fawned over him, the teachers adored him, hell, even the Major liked him more than me. And if my own family liked him more, well, then why wouldn't you? Why would ever choose the tall, lanky guy with hair too long and eyes the odd shade of blue who is a history geek when you could have had perfect looking Edward the doctor? And if I had told you and you rejected me, I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. I was better off to just ignore the feelings, push them away and enjoy your friendship instead. Then Jake came along and our friendship started to deteriorate because I let it. I was so fucking jealous of him, I thought I was going to explode, so it was better to just avoid you, save my sanity and keep me out of jail."

"Jasper-"

"I didn't know Edward was gay. So, I thought that you were perfect for each other, that he could give you all the things in life that I couldn't, all the things you deserve. I thought he loved you like I did, and I thought that you loved him back. I just don't understand how someone could choose me."

"You stupid fool," she sighed sadly. "We wasted so much time, Jasper, worrying over something we didn't have to worry about."

"I was afraid of losing what I never had to him and then having to stand by and watch your happy lives together. It would have destroyed me, so I just gave you what I thought you wanted and left. I didn't realize what you wanted."

"Because you never asked. I want you. I've wanted you for a long time. I asked you when you knew and for me…it was many moments, each one made the one previous pale in comparison. When I met Edward, I was enthralled, he was beautiful and friendly and talked to plain ole me, then we walked into the cafeteria and you looked up from you book with this look of… distain, that I was interfering in your world and I needed to just go away." She smiled at the memory. "But I saw something there in those odd colored blue eyes, something you tried to hide, but I saw it and as much as I admired Edward, it was you that touched me, it was you that I had to get to know. As for knowing I loved you, God there were so many moments. The Prom, the day you got into college, the night of the frat party, the day I saw you go upstairs when you saw me with Jake. The look on your face, the hurt you tried to hide just killed me and I knew even though I was standing there with Jake, that you took my heart up the stairs with you." She paused for a moment, thinking back, the memories spinning through her head. With a heavy sigh, she continued.

"Then, the night at the truck stop, when those guys were…" a tear ran down her cheek and she swiped at it absently. "I was useless to help and all I could think of was what if something happened to you and I hadn't had the chance to tell you I loved you yet. Then when it was over, telling you that didn't seem so important anymore, just you being alive was enough. That night, when we slept in bed together, I realized I never wanted anyone else's arms around me. The next day, I thought maybe it had just been because of the fight, but then each day, I fell for you more. I had been fooling myself with Jake. I thought I felt those things with him, but when I was alone with you I realized what I felt with Jake was nothing compared to you."

I could see the guilt behind her toffee eyes as she continued.

"The day by the river on the way home was amazing. I felt guilty, I had just broken up with Jake and was so in love with you and wanted you much that day, I would have made love if you hadn't stopped us. I wanted it…bad. Then there was Edward. I love him, Jasper, you know that, and I need him in my life and I feared if you and I became a couple, he would leave and I wasn't sure I could handle that. If you had rejected me, or we had broken up, where would that have left us, left Edward? I mean, would we have shared custody of him or something? So I fooled myself into thinking that we would just go on with our lives, living together and hanging out and that you and Edward would both still be in my life, and if had to hide my love for you, then I would. I didn't want to loose you or him."

"And now? Are you still worried about losing Edward?"

"Yes and no. We talked on the way here and he told me that I had to take a chance, that love with a risk but it was a risk worth doing, and that you were worth that risk."

Nodding, I smiled. "He told me the same thing in the kitchen. "

"And he's right."

I leaned back in my chair and shook my head. "Of course he is, he's Edward." It felt quiet between us, she reached for my hand again and held it between both of hers. When she took a deep breath, I knew it was over.

"I'm extremely upset and hurt that you left, that you didn't give me the chance to have a say in our future. You made a decision for the both of us without asking me. That was wrong and you know it. I was broken too, Jasper. I didn't sleep or eat, I screamed and cried. Only, unlike you, I didn't know why. I didn't understand why one minute I was waving to you from the porch and the next you were gone from my life without a word. I worried about you, I grieved for you, for us. You have no idea what that did to me."

"I'm so sorry." It was all I could say, and if I had to say it a thousand times a day for the rest of my life, I would. I would spend every second of every minute making what I did up to her.

If she let me.

She tried to stifle the yawn but failed and then glanced up to see if I had seen it.

"You're exhausted."

"You are too." I pushed the chair out and stood up, holding my hand to her. "Where are we going?" she asked, but stood and took my hand. Motioning to the door, I tugged her along behind me.

"Come on, we've got some time before they get back," I explained leading her through the house to the spare bedroom. "Take a nap with me? I've discovered that I seem to sleep well only when you're in my arms, Bella."

Letting go of my hand, she crawled into the bed, took her position and then waited for me. I climbed in behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist, I pulled her to me. I reached up and pulled her hair down, letting it cascade around the pillows before I buried my nose in it, nuzzling the back of her neck.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" she hummed, her fingers tangling with mine on her stomach.

"I love you," I sighed happily as my eyes closed and my body, for the first time in weeks, relaxed enough to sleep.

"I love you, too," she replied, just as happy and even more content.

"**~~**"

The sounds were muffled, as if they were trying to be quiet but failed. I could clearly hear the cupboard doors closing and deep laughter coming from the direction of the kitchen. Anxious about opening my eyes, worried she wouldn't be there, that what had had happened had been nothing more than a cruel dream, I stretched, moaning when I felt her soft body still against me.

"Should we go see what kind of trouble they got into?" she asked quietly.

"Probably," I replied but made no effort to move. The comfort of her in my arms again too much to give up to go check on Edward and Peter, but Bella, being more thoughtful, pulled from my embrace and rolled over to face me. "Do we have to?"

"It's Peter," was all she needed to say and I was sitting up along with her. I knew Peter, even Bella knew Peter a bit but Edward didn't know Peter. His foul mouth, honest approach and Texas slang would all be culture shock to Edward.

We climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen to find Peter and Edward unloading some groceries. Various meats, marinades, spices, and vegetables were spread over the counter.

Peter glanced behind him, "Oh, the lovers are awake." Edward turned and smiled at us.

"Hey" he said shyly, almost blushing as Bella and I stood in front of him, openly in love and holding hands. It felt so natural but it was something we had never done before earlier that day. All of our handholding had been in Texas or behind closed doors, never out in the open under his watchful gaze. In a way it was ironic, he had come out to us about his sexuality, and we were coming out to him about our love. Even though he had known of it, for the first time he was seeing us accept it and admit it in front of him. Bella released my hand and went to him, suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck. He took her into his embrace and held her tight. "Not that I don't appreciate the hug, Bella, but why?"

"Sorry we left you alone with Peter," she apologized with complete seriousness. Peter rolled his eyes and put some steaks in a plate.

"I'm not that much of a dick," he grinned.

"Is there any food left at the grocery store?" I asked, pawing through the bags of food.

"Fuck you," Peter chuckled. "Why don't you and Bella go get the grill going while I get the food ready? My new best friend can help me in here."

Turning to Bella, I motioned to the door and we headed back onto the deck. The sun had set, and dusk was darkening the sky when I lit the grill and the candle on the table.

"Need any help?" I yelled into Peter.

"Nope," he replied and I went to sit down at the table with and Bella. Minutes later, Peter came out carrying the tray of food and started putting the meat on grill while Edward carried out chips, salads and drinks.

"Peter, unless you've invited all of Charlotte's relatives, you've got way too much food," Bella commented.

With his back to us, his shrugged. "Nothing wrong with some leftovers. Mama always said everything tastes better the next day."

"Chinese food and cold pizza," Edward added.

Peter glanced over his shoulder at Edward. "Exactly."

"Jesus Christ," Edward mumbled when he saw all the finished food Peter began to put on the table. "Do you always cook so much?"

Peter cut into his steak. "What's the saying, Bella?"

"Everything's bigger in Texas," she answered perfectly.

Peter grinned, cutting a piece of steak. "This here is nothing, a mere snack compared to the real bar-b-ques that happen at Charlotte's parent's ranch." He looked up at Edward. "You'll have to come back someday and go to one. They're great."

"I'd like that very much. So, Peter," Edward said as he pulled his vegetables off his kabob. "Tell me about the trouble you and Jasper used to get in to."

For the next several hours, Peter told Edward many embarrassing stories about me, how we borrowed horses, how I got a hard on in algebra once, my stutter when I gave presentations, the first time a girl tried to kiss me, and our first time we had gotten drunk.

I told Peter about Edward as well. Peter was impressed when I told him what a talented piano player Edward was, and he asked Edward a lot about his classes and what he wanted to do as a doctor. When Edward said he really wanted to be a pediatrician, Peter smiled.

"You'd be great with kids," he agreed.

We debated over music styles, the best country songs, and Rangers versus Mariners. We laughed, we joked, we teased.

It was a perfect night, I had my past and my present at the table, enjoying each other's company.

What made it even more perfect was when Bella left her chair and moved to my lap. Leaning back against me, I felt her warmth and the shivers of her body when I ran my fingers up her arm. The scent of her hair enveloped me when she laughed. As we sat there, with Peter and Edward, it was as if it had always been like that, like we had always been a couple.

While I watched my tan fingers thread through her hair, I smiled at the words.

A couple.

We were though? We hadn't really established anything more than our love for each other, anything beyond that, including our futures, seemed insignificant at the time. But sitting there so relaxed and comfortable and fucking happy, I pushed thoughts of the future aside and concentrated on the moment.

As I was playing with her hair, she turned and gave me a quick smile before kissing my cheek. It was innocent and pure and yet, my cock twitched and my heart raced.

When Peter asked Edward how he time for a girlfriend with his classes, we all got silent. Edward glanced at me and I nodded.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Peter, but not only because of lack of time," Edward replied.

"Oh? Just haven't found the right girl?" Peter sipped his soda and belched. "'Cuse me."

"More like I haven't found the right boy," Edward answered hesitantly, his head bowed but his eyes watching Peter's reaction. Putting his soda on the table, Peter raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"You're gay?" he asked and Edward shrugged. "Well, damn, why didn't you tell me that when I was trying to fix you up with that checkout girl?"

"It didn't seem like the best of time, being in the grocery store and all," Edward laughed. "Do you care?"

"That you're gay? Fuck no. My best friend is gay too," Peter shrugged and gulped his soda.

"I'm not gay," I chuckled, squeezing Bella tighter.

"Not you, asshole. Riley."

"Riley is gay?" Riley had lived on the base with us and his parents divorced. His father had stayed on base, but his mother had moved into town and Riley spent his time shuffling from house to house. I had known him until I moved.

"As a three dollar bill," Peter grinned

"Is he cute?" Edward asked absently as he reached for another drink.

"Actually, he is, I guess…I think… maybe?" Peter stammered.

Finally, the night grew long and midnight approached. Peter was the first to say he needed to go to bed, and stood up. We helped clear the dishes, but he said he'd clean them the next day. He said good night and retreated to his room. Edward undressed and headed for the couch and Bella and I went into our room. At the end of the bed she stopped and looked around.

"What's wrong?"

"My bag is in the car, I don't have anything to change into," she said as she went toward the door.

"Here," I tossed her one of my tee shirts, "just wear this." She brought it up to her nose and inhaled.

"It smells like you," she smiled and then turned her back to me and took off her shirt before quickly pulling mine on. Long enough to hang past her hips, she slipped off her shorts before turning to me.

I wasn't sure when I had seen a more beautiful sight. It was just Bella but…it wasn't.

She was my Bella now.

Her hair was loose over her shoulders, her eyes shiny, a slight flush to her cheeks as she stood in my worn tee shirt that hid her figure.

"Have a toothbrush I can use too?"

"In the top drawer there are extras," I said as I took off my own shirt while Bella went into the bathroom. Standing the doorway, I watched her as she brushed her teeth.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled around the toothbrush. Shrugging, I leaned against the door jam and stared as she brushed her and teeth and washed her face. "Seriously, Jasper?"

"I just…I don't want to let you out of my sight," I sighed and looked down. Turning off the water, she dried her face and came to me. Putting her forehead on my chest, I kissed her head.

"I'm not going to disappear, Jasper," she whispered into my chest, her breath pebbling my nipples. I put my hand in her hair and pulled her head back.

"It's just that I know I fucked up and I'm afraid if I leave you alone for a minute, you're going to have time to reconsider and then run for the hills."

"Baby," she sighed, "I promise, I'm not going anywhere. And if you remember correctly, it wasn't me that ran for the hills, it was you." She got on her toes and kissed me, tentatively at first, but as soon as felt her body lean against mine, my hands were on her hips, my head tilted, deepening the kiss.

"Bella," I moaned when she broke the kiss, my lips traveling down her neck to the collar of my shirt. "God, I want you, but…"

"I know, it's not right here."

Sighing, I straightened up. "No, it's not. I want it to be special, not just because."

"I agree," she said, taking my hand and leading me to the bed where she climbed under the blankets while I pulled my jeans off. Instead of her usually position with her back to me, she faced me and snuggled up to my chest, one of her hands rested on my hips while the other was curled up between us. Laying on one of my arms, I put my other around her waist and weaved a leg between hers. "This feels nice," she whispered, like it was a secret.

"It feels right," I whispered back. "G' night, Bella."

"Night, Jasper," she sighed right before sleep took her.

I watched her sleep in my arms all night.

"**~~**"

It was still dark when we all stood out by Edward's rental car. Peter kept yawning as he stood there in sweatpants and a ripped tee shirt. Bella and I were dressed much the same way.

"You sure you don't want me to go to the airport with you?" I asked Edward as he tossed his bag into the backseat.

"Nah, get some more rest, I'm going to catch my flight. You heading out tomorrow?"

Bella stood next to me, her arms around my waist. "Yeah, early tomorrow morning, we should be back in about three days, going to try to drive as fast as we can."

Edward walked around the side to Peter and held out his hand.

"Thank you for taking care of him," he said in a hushed voice. Peter gave him weak smile and his eyes lacked their mischievous glint as he nodded and shook Edward's hand.

"I would do anything for him," Peter replied honestly. "Come on back, ya hear?"

"I will, promise," Edward said before turning to Bella and I. She let me go and rushed into his open arms. I heard her soft sobs as she clung to him. Pulling her head back, he kissed her forehead before putting his to hers. "Watch over him, okay?"

"I will," she promised as she wiped a few tears away.

"See you in a few days. Love you, beautiful," he said and kissed her head one last time before walking up to me. I opened my arms and he stepped into my embrace.

"Thank you for bringing her to me, I owe you," I murmured into his ear. Pulling back, he ruffled my hair.

"Damn right you do. Hook me up with a cute cowboy, I seem to have liking for them," he grinned and I blushed, "and we'll call it even."

"I'll see what I can do," I laughed.

"See you soon, Jasper, drive carefully."

"I will," I replied squeezing him once more before letting him go. A minute later he was in his car and pulling away with one last long wave. Bella had returned to my side and I kissed her head. "We'll see him in a few days, don't worry."

"I know," she sighed sadly, missing him already. Beside us, Peter yawned.

"It's too fucking early, I'm going back to bed for an hour. You two keep down the screaming, okay? I need my beauty rest," he grinned and winked before heading back into the house.

Bella and I stood in the driveway staring down the road long after Edward's car had disappeared from our sight.

"**~~**"

Peter had left for work about a few hours later, leaving Bella and I alone. After sleeping in, we got up and showered, separately. While I was in the shower, she made us some breakfast and we ate on the deck. We held hands, we stared at each other, we blushed, and we smiled.

We barely talked.

It wasn't that we didn't have anything to say, on the contrary, we had a shit load of talking to do, but in those few hours, we seemed content just being. Nothing more, no 'what are we going to do now' or 'should we do this', just happy to be in the presence of the other again.

My heart had never felt lighter. It was hard for me to believe that less than forty-eight hours before I had been contemplating suicide.

Bella looked up from her toast and bacon and graced me with a smile. "What should we do today?"

"I just want to do this, just be here with you, be able to touch you and hold you whenever I want." I squeezed her hand. "But I do have some plans for later this afternoon."

"Oh? What?"

Shaking my head, I avoided her eyes. "Nope, it's a surprise."

"Jasper?" she scolded.

"I know, I know, you hate surprises, but trust me on this one, okay?"

Nodding, she sipped her juice.

We spent the next hour just sitting the warm sun holding hands and then finally headed into the house. She came with me when I drove to the courthouse to see Peter for a minute, although I made her wait in the truck for me. Eyeing me suspiciously when I came back out the truck, I just shrugged and told her I needed to get something from him. As she packed up our room so we could leave early the next morning, I gathered a few items into a backpack and put it in the back of the truck. When I walked into the bedroom, she was changing the sheets on the bed.

"I just thought it'd be nice to have it done for them," she explained.

"I agree. Almost done?"

"Yeah, why?"

Instead of replying, I held out my hand. Hesitantly, she took it and without a word of complaint, let me lead her out the truck. Trusting me, she got in and buckled up.

She only spoke once on the way. "This is the surprise I take it?" I looked over at grinned. When we pulled into the driveway of Charlotte's parent's ranch, she looked confused.

"I thought they were out of town?" she asked, sitting up straight.

"They are." I parked in front of the barn and got out. "Come on," I encouraged. She got out and obediently followed me into the barn after I got the backpack from the truck. Curious, she watched me as I got Impish from his stall and began to brush him. Silently, she got a brush from the grooming kit and began on his other side. Dust and hair swirled in the still sunlight as I went up to the tack room and grabbed his bridle. When I came back down, Bella was giving him a kiss on his nose and petting his face. She stepped back when I approached, letting me next to him to put his bridle on, leaving his halter on as well. I tossed his lead rope into my bag.

She definitely knew what was up, but I still hoped some of it would be a surprise. With the backpack on, I walked Impish to the back field and waited for Bella. She stood by his side and I put my hands down for her foot.

"Remember how to do this?" I asked.

"Yep," she nodded. After gripping his mane, she put her foot in my hands and as I lifted her, she swung her right leg over his back. Once she was on, I place my hand on his withers and took a step back before jumping up onto him behind her. When I reached around her for the reins, I felt her relax.

"Still nervous?" I asked as I nudged Impish's sides.

"A little," she replied honestly.

"Just hold on," I told her and gathered up the reins. "We'll go slow."

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "You said that last time and we ended up galloping."

"But you liked it," I reminded her.

"It was wonderful," she agreed.

"Good," I said as I kicked Impish. "Hold on." A beat later, we were in a canter, steadily working into a gallop. Vaguely, I heard her swearing at me over the sounds of the horse's hooves beating against the ground. When I pulled him up a bit later, he was slightly winded under the effort of carrying two adults at a gallop, but he was alert and prancing, ready for more.

"I'm going to kill you," Bella scolded me.

"But, baby, I thought you liked going fast?" I chuckled. Settling back against me, she looked around.

"It really is beautiful here," she said quietly.

"Here?" I asked. "The field?"

"The field, this town, Texas in general. I never expected it to be so nice. Just thought I would be flat and brown, like Arizona, but it's not," she paused, considering, "well, it is, but in a different way."

"Remember the last time we came out here?" I asked her.

"Of course."

"God, I was so in love with you, I wanted to tell you that night as we watched the sunset," I admitted.

"Me too," she replied. A few minutes later, we reached the top of the hill and I stopped Impish. Swinging my leg over, I slid off him and helped Bella do the same. Dropping the backpack to the ground, I pulled out a lead rope. Clipping it to his halter, I took his bridle off and set it on the ground. Then I dropped the lead rope to the ground as well.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, watching me.

"He is trained to ground tie. Took his bridle off so he can eat the grass without the bit," I explained, giving him a pat.

"Ground tie?"

Turning to her, I grabbed the backpack. "Sorry. It means he is trained to stay where his lead it dropped, he won't wonder off."

"Wow," she said impressed. I walked by her and found the spot I had been looking for. Squatting, I emptied the contents of the backpack onto the grass. Spreading a blanket out, I put a smaller blanket on it, then pulled out some cups of fruit, a bottle of wine, salsa and tortilla chips. "Chez Whitlock?" she teased as she kneeled into the blanket, trying to sneak a peak into the bag.

I took it from her view. "As a matter of fact, yes." I sat down next to her, drawing my knees up and putting my arms around them.

"No three course meal over an open flame tonight?" she asked sitting next to me in almost the same position.

"No, I don't want Charlotte's parents to come home to a burnt field."

"Good point. Salsa and chips it is." The sun had just begun to set, the glow it gave off was warm and soothing. "Just as beautiful as last time," she commented, but when I glanced at her, she wasn't looking at the sunset at all. Blushing, I turned away and picked a piece of grass, twirling it in my fingers. "Jasper?" she asked, moving closer to me, she rested her head on my shoulder.

Heavily, I sighed, not looking forward to what I was going to say next. I had hoped that by coming there, I could lessen the blow. "Bella, we need to talk."

She lifted her head from my shoulder and gasped a bit. "Okay," she said, worriedly. "About?"

"Us."

"I agree. How about we talk while we eat? I think I might need some of that wine," she half joked. Smiling, I opened the wine and poured some into the two plastic cups I had brought with me.

"Plastic?"

"Easier to transport, didn't want them to break. We'd be drinking out of the bottle."

"That's not a bad thing," she shrugged.

"Says the girl who double dips."

Laughing, she sipped her wine and reached for the fruit. "Wow, you went all out here," she said, opening the cover. "Got a fork too?"

Nodding, I pulled two out of the bag and handed her one. After a few bites, she pushed her hair back and looked up at me. "What do you want to talk about?"

Everything.

Nothing.

Honestly, I wanted nothing more than to continue to watch her eat, putting the small pieces of watermelon into her mouth and watch her tongue dart out to lips her lips or catch the juice before it ran down her chin.

"Hey," she nudged me from my daydream with her elbow. "You with me?"

"Yeah, just thinking of where to start. Things are moving kind of fast. There's so much to cover," I answered, as I reached for some fruit.

"There is, but ya know, we don't have to talk about it all in one night, Jasper. We've got time."

"True," I agreed with a sigh. Avoiding her eyes, I debated on what to say first, and went for the most important.

I was going to stare the bull in the eyes, dive into the deep end, swim without a life jacket, how the fuck ever you wanted to say it, for one of the first time in my life I was going to take a risk, and hoped she'd understood.

"I want to stay in Texas," I said quietly, staring at the squared designs of the blanket.

"Until school?" she asked, placing a strawberry in her mouth. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. "Then what do you mean?"

Hanging my head, I twisted the piece of grass around my index finger so tight the circulation was cut off. As it turned white, I let it go and then did it again. Not looking at her, not able to see the anger that I was sure would follow, I spoke to the ground.

"I got a full scholarship to University of Texas."

"But I thought you didn't get in?" she asked, confused.

"I lied." I exhaled slowly and picked another blade of grass. "I just couldn't imagine leaving you and Edward. So when I got into U of W, I went."

Straightening her shoulders, I felt the tension begin to radiate from her and I readied myself for the blow I knew was coming, the one I had been hoping to soften.

"You lied to us," she confirmed. When I nodded, I felt her hand push me. Putting my hand down, I caught myself before I fell over. "You ass. Why did you lie?"

"Because I knew you would both want me to go, not pass up the scholarship but… I wanted to be with you guys." She leaned back on her palms and frowned.

"I wish you had told me. Does Edward know?"

"Yeah, he found the acceptance letter right before we left, it was the reason he suggested the road trip to begin with. He knew I missed Texas and thought if we all came here together, it'd repair our friendship and I could see Texas again. But…"

"But?"

"But now that I'm here, I want to stay." I looked at her.

"Wow," she mumbled.

"There's more," I began and continued before she could stop me. "The other day, I called the University of Texas, and after jumping through some hoops, they reinstated the scholarship. I start there in September. I was so lost here with you and Edward and I thought about going back to Seattle, but I knew I would eventually see one of you on campus and that scared the shit out of me, so this was an option. One that made sense to accept." Closing my eyes, I replayed the events of the past few days. "Day before yesterday, Peter had gone to work and I was alone. I went in to take a shower and shave. When I was standing by the sink shaving, I began to have these thoughts." I held out my hand and looked at the finger I had sliced with the razor, the flesh white and dying. "I took the razor and dragged it across my finger. The sting took the pain in my heart away. Then I realized I wanted the pain to go away permanently. I saw myself dead in the bathtub, blood running down my hands, the water pink. I was going to do it, but then I felt you with me," I whispered, my hand wiping the tears that had begun to fall. "I swear you were right behind me, kissing my neck. You even called me Hale, but when I went to talk to you, you didn't hear me and you faded away. I was too fucking weak to take my own life. I knew then I had to stay in Texas, if I was too weak to take my own life, there was no way I could return to Seattle. When Peter got home, I told him I had made my decision and was staying in here. He told me I could stay with him until school started. Then yesterday morning, right before you guys showed up, he told me that I needed to home, to you and Edward, that our kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime and not to fuck it up."

When I dared to open my eyes, I saw her tear stained cheeks.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered.

"You don't have to say anything. I just felt you should know what led to my decision to stay in Texas."

"But, you and I, we're okay now, so…" she said, wiping her cheeks and taking another sip of wine. I reached out and cupped her cheek, feeling her lean into it.

"We're more than okay, but…"

"You still want to stay in Texas?" she asked quietly.

"I do," I sighed, relieved it was out there. She knew it all, my feelings for her, the attempt, the scholarship.

"Then I do too," she said confidently. Startled, I looked at her, completely shocked. Her lips curled up into a smile at rendering me speechless. Taking my hand, she pulled it into her lap.

"You don't have to…"

"I want to. I don't want to be away from you another day." She moved closer, keeping my hand between hers.

"Me either, but you can't uproot your life for me," I tried to reason with her. Only, it seemed to piss her off.

"You're doing it again." I raised my brows. "Making decisions about my future for me. I know what I want, Jasper, and I want to be with you, wherever that is. I'm transferring. End of discussion."

For the second time in under a minute, she had stolen my ability to speak, or even thinking fucking coherently. I couldn't believe she would transfer, leave Seattle…and Edward for me. Kneeling, I put the food and wine back into the bag and took her cup from her, finishing it in one gulp. Then I pulled her to knees as well, and with one hand on her hip, I put my other behind her neck and lowered my lips to hers.

I had expected my heart to race, to be beating so fast that it would feel ready to bust, I had expected to be lightheaded from lack of oxygen, I had expected her to stop me when, as I deepened the kiss, the hand on her waist went to the hem of her tee shirt and began to lift it, my fingers grazing her skin for the first time since the river.

Not only did she not stop me, she broke the kiss and reached down herself, slowly pulling her shirt up and over her head until she was kneeling before me in her shorts and pale pink, lacy bra. Keeping her eyes on mine, she twisted her arms behind her and unclasped her bra, letting the straps slide down her shoulders before it fell to the blanket. Then she reached for my shirt and I automatically raised my arms to let her pull it over my head.

"Hale," she whispered just as she pressed her body to mine, reengaging in the kiss, which had turned desperate and needy. There were no more soft brushes of lips, but rather frantic, hungry kisses, tongues exploring and meeting repeatedly.

The day at the river, I had felt her body in only a bra and panties, and as my hands traveled up and down her bare back, and I felt her breasts against me, my entire body shuddered. Panting, I pulled away from the kiss and put my forehead to hers, allowing some space between our bodies. When she put a hand on my face to brush away my curls, she smiled.

"You're trembling," she whispered. I could only nod, my breaths shallow and quick. I returned her smile when I felt her shiver as the backs of my fingers traveled up her side to her breast. My eyes held her gaze as my fingers lightly grazed a nipple.

It was she that trembled then.

Her eyes closed and her breath hitched when I palmed her breast, caressing it. Watching her reaction, my cock hardened, straining against my jeans. She leaned back, supported by my other arm, inviting me to her neck, which I greedily accepted, my lips licking and lapping her tender skin. I took her flesh between my teeth, sucking it as if I couldn't get enough, as if I was a vampire craving the crimson life inside of her. When I pulled away, leaving a small red mark in my wake, I felt satisfied in marking her, even if it was childish, I had made her mine. The guttural moan that escaped her made me desire her even more. Her openness about wanting, it was something I hadn't expected from Bella.

"More," she moaned and her hands went to the button on my jeans. It was my turn to moan when she had them unbuttoned and unzipped and her hand plunged into them.

"Oh fuck," I whispered breathlessly as she began to stroke me through the cotton of my boxer briefs. Suddenly, it seemed like hands and mouths were everywhere, hers were pulling my jeans and underwear down over my hips to my thighs to free my erection, and mine were on her shorts, clumsily undoing the button while our mouths found each other again. As soon as her shorts were undone, I pulled them down over her hips, exposing her to me. When I pulled her to me, our bodies meeting for the first time below the waist, we gasped into the kiss. Slowly, I laid her down on her back, kneeling between her legs, I pulled her shorts all the way off, and then just sat back on my heels and stared at her.

She was beautiful.

More than beautiful.

A slight blush covered her cheeks as she lay vulnerable and naked, her nipples were pebbled, the mark on her neck a darker shade than I had first thought, and her chest rose rapidly with quick breaths.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," I murmured. Lowering her eyes, her dark lashes fanned across her scarlet cheeks, and she bit her lip. On weak legs I stood and pulled my jeans and underwear off before returning to between her knees and lowering myself on top of her.

We reveled in our flushed naked bodies as our lips met again. Throaty murmurs were exchanged as my hips began to grind against hers, my cock seeking whatever friction it could find. Wantonly, but languidly, I rocked my hips forward, my cock, slick with precum, slid against her. When I felt her legs spread, and I felt my cock slide down her sex, she was wet and ready. I broke the kiss and rested my head on her shoulder.

It was overwhelming.

Everything I had dreamed about, fantasized about for years was coming true, within my grasp, just one thrust of my hips away. Our labored breaths betrayed our want, there would be no stopping, no second thoughts. I felt her fingers in my curls, twisting them, fisting them as she raised her hips to mine, begging me.

"Bella," I moaned, my cock at her entrance, one move by either of us and I would be inside her.

"Please, Jasper," she arched her back and I kissed along her jaw, down her neck, her skin burning under the trail of kisses. Reaching her breasts, I flicked my tongue over one nipple, lavishing it enthusiastically as I sucked and nibbled, and to my delight, felt her body writhe under me. I felt one of her hands leave my hair, and raking her nails down my back, she groped my ass and pushed me to her. Unable to wait any longer, I released her breasts and kneeled. Reaching over to my bag, I unzipped a small pocket and pulled out a condom.

"You really did think of everything," she smirked as I blushed, ripped it open and rolled it down my cock.

Once it was on, I reached out for her hand, "C'mere."

She put her hand in mine and let me help her to her knees. Kissing her, I threaded my fingers through her thick, brown locks and felt my cock against her center. Slowly, I lowered us, that time, I lay down and pulled her on top of me. Impatient, she straddled my hips, running her sex up and down my cock as she rolled her hips back and forth while we continued to kiss. Pulling away, she put her palms on my chest and pushed herself up and then, with a small groan, she shifted her hips back and let me slide into her.

Neither of us moved, stunned by the intimate connection we were finally sharing after all those years.

My eyes drifted close with each delicious inch she slid down, the sensation of being inside her after all those years almost too much to bear. As she sat on me, completely surrounding me, I forced my eyes open not wanting to miss a second of what I had yearned for so long.

Her shoulders glistened with beads of sweat that traveled from her forehead down her cheeks and neck to rest on her collarbone. I licked my bottom lip, eager to pull her to me and drag my tongue along the curve of her bone, capturing the tiny salty drops-drinking them like they were the water my arid body craved.

"Bella," I broke the silence, placing my hands on her hips, shifted her and moaned when she began to ride me, moving her hips in small, sensuous circles. As she rocked, her hair fell over her shoulders, her sweat-sheen skin glistening under the last rays of the day. Her eyes were bright and wild and her lips…her lips were swollen from our kisses.

It was the most erotic things I had ever seen and it took all my strength to not come right then.

Watching me, she began to move more, her hips grinding into mine. Keeping one hand on her hip, I reached up and caressed her breasts, feeling their weight in my hand I began to leisurely thrust into her. Her fingers strummed across my skin, hands spread wide on my chest,for leverage as she began to raise and lower herself onto me.

The familiar tightening already beginning in my lower abdomen told me I wasn't going to last long. I released her breast and moved my hand to the damp curls that connected us- her brown meeting my gold. Sinking my fingers into her warm folds, I found her clit and began to rub my thumb over it, enthralled with the soft moans she immediately emitted. Encouraged, I continued to alternate between pressure and strokes, watching her reactions intently, delighted when she began to push her hips forward against my fingers. One of her hands reached for mine on her hip and took it into hers, entwining our fingers, she gripped it tightly as she rode me. The pace of her hips quickened against mine and I felt her body shudder just before she released a strangled cry, my named buried deep in the moans. Her walls clenched in spasms around my cock, tightening impossibly, enticing my own orgasm. As her climaxed flowed through her, I kept my thumb on her clit, deliberately, slowly, gliding it back and forth. When I felt her grip on my hand loosen, I held it tighter, and moved my other than to her hip, holding it as I began to earnestly thrust deeper into her, chasing my own release. She looked at me, her faced flushed from the exertion, her nipples hard and erect as her breasts bounced from my movements below her, I felt a euphoria I had never experienced before.

It had been what Peter had been talking about it. The difference between fucking and making love with the right person.

I had found my right person. Never would another have my heart, or my body.

"I love you, Jasper," she whispered, her hips never ceasing their affections on my cock even though she had come. Her words pushed me over the proverbial edge, my body and mind slipped into the storm of ecstasy, intense and rapid my orgasm hit me.

"Bella," I moaned as my cock erupted inside her, pulsing and jerking as I continued to come for what seemed like minutes. Exhausted, she collapsed on top of me, her cheek resting on my chest as my semi-hard cock slid from her. Her hair fanned out over her back and my sides and I couldn't resist running it through the sieve of my fingers as our hearts raced together, hers on top of mine. Her warm breath soothingly washed over my over sensitive skin causing goose bumps. When both our feet and souls had touched earth again, she lifted her head and rested her chin on my chest, brining up a hand, she stroked my cheeks with the back of her fingers.

"You're beautiful when you come," she said bashfully. Instantly, my face heated and I glanced away. "The way your lips part, then your tongue darts out to lick them, and your eyes get wide and then flutter closed. And the sounds you make? Gorgeous," she explained in more detail than I needed to know about my come face.

"Regardless, nothing is more beautiful than you right now." It was her turn to flush at my compliment. "Mmm, that blush is such a turn on, I've loved it for years."

"Loved?"

"As in, it made me hard."

"Oh," she turned away, embarrassed, but I reached up and prevented her from looking away.

"Don't be embarrassed. It's nice to be able to finally tell you these things. How much I've," I let my hand lazily move down her shoulder to her back, "yearned for your body, wanted to touch you, make you shiver and…" I lifted my head and lowered my voice, "make you come."

"Jasper," she said, moving her head so her hair covered her face. Smiling, I laid my head back down and enjoyed her warmth on me, her weight pleasant and comforting. I felt renewed, my heart had been healed when I walked out of Peter's house and saw her, and there in the field, my body had been healed as well.

More than healed, it had reached a peaked like never before and I was already pretty fucking eager to climb it again.

"I have a question," she began and then waited for my response.

"What, baby?" I smiled, my eyes searching hers constantly for the regret I thought might be there, and all I found was adoration, and a whole fucking lot of love.

"When can we do that again?" she asked wiggling her eyebrows. Growling, I pulled her to me, parting my lips, inviting her tongue into my mouth to mingle with mine, to taste and explore.

"Soon," I moaned into the kiss. "We got a fucking lot of time to make up for." Giggling, she rolled off me and then, to my shock took my cock in her hand and stripped the condom off, tossing it aside. What she did next…fucking amazed me. Bending over, she took my soft cock into her mouth, lapping and licking my cum off it, her tongue swirled around the head as she gave one long suck and just as my hands weaved deeply into her hair, she released me and starting kissing her way up my body, her lips covering random places, my sated body beginning to once again come alive under her ministrations.

As she reached my face, she rubbed her cheek along my unshaven jaw and then swiped her lips across mine before allowing her tongue to trace the shell of my ear.

"I love you," she murmured in a husky and fucking sexy as hell voice.

"I love you too," I whispered. Pushing up to sit, I captured her lips with mine briefly, tasting the remnants of my orgasm in her mouth, before reaching around for the extra blanket I had brought. I sat and up and spread my legs.

"Come on, you're going to miss it." Turning, she situated herself between my legs, her back against my chest, and I wrapped the blanket around us, covering all of us but from our knees down.

"An extra blanket to snuggle under," she leaned to the side and looked at me. "You really did plan this, didn't you?"

Chuckling, I admitted. "I didn't plan, I hoped." Laughing, she turned her head back to the incredible sunset.

For some reason, the amber and scarlet hues were even more beautiful when viewed naked with the girl you loved in your arms. With a contented sigh, she laid her hands on my thighs and watched as the sun gradually gave way to night, the sky turning from blue to gray, the air cooling almost immediately. We were slowly being blanketed by the stars in the sky, the sounds around us dulled from the buzzing heat bugs to the symphony of chirping crickets. Impish grazed a few yards from us, his tail occasionally swishing a fly off his coat.

"Most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she sighed happily, staring at the sunset. "Well, except for you coming."

Rolling my eyes behind her, I let my cheek fall against her hair and inhaled her scent mixed with the fresh grass and wildflowers that surrounded us.

"Was it worth the wait?" I asked hesitantly, hoping she understood what I was asking without directly asking. A man always wonders about their performance and being as inexperienced as I was, my confidence in pleasing a woman was lacking.

Turning, she cupped my face and barely touched her lips to mine, pulling away just as I was about to deepen the kiss. Instead, the pads of her thumbs traced my lips; I kissed them each time they reached the middle. Gazing into my eyes, she thought for a moment before speaking, the fear of her disappointment quickly started to build in my chest. She wasted no more time putting my mind, and my heart, at ease.

"Jasper, I would have waited a lifetime for you," she whispered. Smiling, I held off the tears by closing my eyes. She turned back to the sunset, her head resting on my shoulder.

In her ear, I began to sing softly, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day." I swayed us side to side a bit, my breath washing over her ear and cheek when I brushed her hair away. "I think I can make it now, the pain is gone, all of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for," I trailed off and placed a kiss on the side of her head.

"I think the cactus sings it better," she giggled. I bite her earlobe in reply and laughed as she tried to pull away.

"Are you going to be okay without Edward?" I asked abruptly. She shifted between my legs, her ass rubbing deliciously against my cock. It was moments before she answered my question.

"Yes and no," she paused, her fingers tracing small circles on the outside of my thighs. "I love him and want him in my life, but I want to make my life with you. I'm sure we'll all be together one day, and we'll see him on holidays, vacations. Then there is always webcams and stuff. I will miss him though. A lot."

"Me too. Everyday." Not seeing Edward everyday was going to be strange and uncomfortable and I didn't look forward to one day without him, much less months. Yet, I knew what I was doing was right, something deep inside me twisted and knotted when I thought about going to Seattle, but had calmed and quieted when staying in Texas had been decided. I truly felt it was where I belonged.

Perhaps fate had brought me to Forks all those years ago to meet Edward and Bella. Perhaps, I was never supposed to stay there, and the scholarship and the road trip were all ways to get me back into the heat I had missed, the lifestyle I had been born into. Texas was in my blood, my DNA and it was only there that I felt complete and worthy, true to my element. If it had been fate, it had done its job, for I had made a life long friend and met the love of my life, the one that would forever hold my heart in her tiny hands, my breath in her lungs, my soul deep inside hers.

Honestly, Bella was my home, wherever she was I could be happy, but in Texas, I would be happiest. To have her by my side, with me, enjoying the life I loved so much simply made me want to burst.

"Besides, I have time to adjust to the idea. I won't be able to transfer for September admission, I'm going to have to wait until January."

"How am I going to make it those months without you? I mean, now that… that I have you, I don't want to let you go, even for a minute much less a few months."

Turning to me, she cupped my cheek. "We'll be fine, Jasper. Distance won't change a thing. When you left and came here, did the pain lessen, did you feel any better even though there was two thousand miles between us?"

I shook my head.

"Then if our pain didn't lessen, neither will our love. My heart is fixed on you, wherever you are, is where I am."

Tightening my hold around her, I sighed. "We've got a lot to figure out."

"Yep," she agreed quietly. "A place to live, classes for me, and then we have to deal with the holidays right before we move."

We.

Grinning like a fool at the word, I kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for all the pain, Bella. I truly thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong."

"I know, baby," she said, letting her hand trail down my calf.

"I love you, Bella, so, so much, I love you, every minute of every day," I murmured into her ear just as the sun finally set behind the horizon, the very last ray reaching across the darkening sky, relinquishing to the starlight.

"Mmmmm," she responded when my lips met her skin again, kissing and suckling along the nape of her neck to the soft spot behind her ear. Her silky hair brushed over her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side. My hands glided along the outside of her legs to her hips before lightly brushing over the delicate skin of the inside of her thighs. While my fingers of one hand opened her for me, the other slipped deeper between her legs, seeking the wet warmth there.

"Oh my God," she moaned when two of my fingers entered her. Weak, she went limp and let my body support her entirely as he legs fell open and allowed me complete access. With my thumb stroking her clit, I steadily pumped my fingers in and out of her, hoping to hit the spot that would make her squirm and writhe in my embrace. Her hips began to buck into my hands, but I held her tight with my arms, immobilizing and frustrating her as she sought her climax quickly. When I felt she was on the edge, I slowed the pace down, bringing her back to me before quickening again. The entire time, my lips were on her shoulder, neck or earlobe.

The blanket slipped from us, exposing her to me and I watched my fingers, slick from her juices, repeatedly enter her as they continued to work her into a frenzy.

I take it back- that was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

Completely hard, my cock rubbed against her ass and lower back. The sounds that escaped her lush parted lips were incredibly sexy and I felt my hips begin to move against her, wanting to be in her once again.

"So fucking hot," I murmured into her ear just as I put pressure on her clit and her hips lifted off the blanket.

"More, don't stop, more…" she gasped. I saw her stomach begin to flex and felt her body tensing, and with one last flick of my thumb, her cries pierced the night air. "Jasper, Jasper," she groaned.

It was then that I knew I would never tire of hearing my name escape from her lips.

Keeping my fingers in her as she came, she pressed her hips against them until her climax began to wane. Relaxed, she sighed, letting out a long breath. Without warning, she turned in my arms and wrapped her legs around me, my cock once again sat at her entrance. My hands went to her hips, and she literally glowed in front of me.

"Do you have another condom?" she asked in a husky tone.

Blushing at having to admit that I hoped I might need more than one condom, I nodded and she leaned over to my side to the bag, searching the pocket I had pulled one out of earlier. Finding it, she ripped it open, leaned back and put in on me, her hands touching my cock for the first time. As soon as it was on, she was lowering herself on me once again and wrapped her legs around me. Her position allowed for no leverage, so she circled her hips, grinding into me, my cock deeply seated in her as she kissed me, our tongues tangling savagely as we ravaged each other. Her walls stroked my cock with each slight movement, and it throbbed in her. With her arms around my neck she leaned back and I bent forward, capturing a nipple in my mouth, laving it with my tongue and lips while my hips began to thrust as much as they could with her weight in my lap.

Growling, I pulled her back up to me and kissed her again, my hands weaving into her hair as it fell down her back. Her hands were in my damp curls, fisting them as she put her forehead to mine and we just stared at each other as she continued move on me, our gasping breaths meeting in the space between us.

"Bella," I grunted. The beginning of my orgasm stirred in me, coiling tightly in my balls. The sensation spread throughout my lower abdomen, sitting my body on the precipice before ecstasy was released throughout my entire body, every nerve charged and excited, no fiber was left untouched by the bliss as it ebbed in waves over me. My cock jerked in her, cum filling the condom in short bursts.

In less than two hours she had brought me to heights I never knew existed. Making love with Alice had been nice, pleasant, Maria had been nothing but a release, but being with Bella surpassed all my previous experiences combined.

What excited me more was that we had many more to come. There were still areas left unexplored, I hadn't had the pleasure of being on top of her as she came, or tasting her clit as I flicked my tongue over it.

But we had time.

As the orgasmic fog cleared from my mind, I realized I was still in her, our foreheads still touching, our sweaty bodies still wrapped up in each other's embrace as we caught our breath.

"That was amazing," I admitted in a long sigh. "I think it's a good thing our first time was out here, under the open sky.

"Why's that?" she murmured, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Because we would have done serious damage if we had been contained to a house, spontaneously combusted or something," I laughed. Placing my hands on her hips, I lifted them off me enough to reach down to pull the condom off and throw it aside before sitting her back on my lap. "Want some more to eat?" I asked, reaching in the bag for the fruit.

Nodding, she went to climb off, but I halted her. "Stay," I commanded as I opened the bowl of fruit and pulled a strawberry out. Holding it up to her, she parted her lips and placed them around the ripe berry before biting down, her eyes one mine but mine were on her lips as she chewed. "Jesus," I mumbled before leaning forward and kissing the sweet juice off her lips, tasting it on her tongue. Pulling away, I reached for another piece of fruit, watermelon, desperately wanting to taste it on her. She opened her mouth and I placed it on her waiting tongue, my eyes trained on her lips as she chewed, then swallowed before leaning toward me for another kiss. Unhurriedly, we kissed, enjoying long moments of our lips touching and tongues devouring. Her hand snaked between us, and I hissed into her mouth when I felt her fingertips tease my balls before she took them into her palm, rolling them. My grip on her tightened, her hair tangled around in my hands as I ran them from the nape of her neck to her ass. Curving my back, I was able to give her hand more room between us, my blood rushing to my cock when I felt the tip of a finger on the sensitive underside of it before she wrapped her fingers around it and began to stroke awkwardly between us.

"Seriously, Bella," I rasped. "Three times? You're insatiable," I complained, but shifted to make her stroking more efficient, occasionally jumping when she would touch the super sensitive head. As she left kisses long my jaw and neck, I lolled my head back and felt her mouth on my Adam's apple.

"But we've got a lot of time to make up for," she explained against my throat. "Got another in that bag?"

"Baby, I don't know if I can go another round just yet," I admitted even as I felt my cock begin to stir.

"Oh, I think I can convince you," she boasted, swiping her thumb over the head of my cock.

"Fuck," I hissed and lost all rational thought. Falling back onto the blanket, she sat on my thighs with my growing erection in one hand while the other played with my balls and the tender skin behind them. There was no stopping the motion of my hips as they moved slightly with her rhythm. I peered at her though lust laden lids, she tucked her lower lip in between her teeth, holding it there as she studied my cock in her hand. As I stiffened, her breaths quickened, her breasts bouncing seductively. Twisting to my side, I grabbed the back and reached in the pocket for my last condom. I ignored the smug smirk on her face as I tore it open and pushed her hands aside to put it on. Shrugging, I avoided her eyes. "What? It's been awhile," I reasoned for my horniness.

I moved her off me and laid her down on her back, settling between her legs, plunging my cock into her in one solid thrust right before I took her one breast into my mouth while the other received attention from my hand. Her hands were in my hair, pulling and tugging and fisting, keeping my mouth fastened to her as she lifted her hips to meet each one of my thrusts. When she angled her pelvis and wrapped her legs around me, I was able to sink deeper, hitting that spot inside her that wracked her body with shudders.

"Harder," she requested and I was more than happy oblige. It was not the languid love making from before, it was harsh and wild and desperate. Releasing her breast, I pushed myself up onto my palms and watched her face, her eyes fluttering closed, her tongue licking her lips. She let out a small moan.

"That's it, baby, feel good? How long we've wanted this, feels so good," I chanted, my hips moving faster and faster. Forcing my weight onto one hand, I reached between us, my fingers quickly finding her clit, swollen and hyper-sensitive from her previous orgasms. Flinching at my touch, her hand went to my wrist to stop me, but I refused, stroking the bundle of nerves with the rough pad of my thumb until I felt her clenching around me, her body stilling completely as she came, her climax overtaking her body.

"Oh, Jasper," she groaned. Two simple words were my undoing, even as her body was still flexing around my cock, I came again. What little cum I had left shot into the condom as I fell on top of her, my head on her shoulder as my hips bucked while my orgasm rushed through me at a weaker but still blissful state. Exhausted, I lay on her, letting my limp cock slip from her as we caught our breaths. "You're amazing," she sighed, her fingers raking through my hair, separating the damp curls.

"Likewise," I said as I raised my head and kiss her. "Bad news though."

Furrowing her brows, she tilted her head. "What?"

"That was my last condom," I smiled. She frowned and looked thoughtful.

"Well, there's always oral," she grinned devilishly.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you," I chuckled and rolled off her. After pulling the condom off, I glanced at Impish to be sure he was still nearby and then lay on my back and opened my arms for Bella to join me. Her head lay on my chest, her hair splayed across me, the silky strands tickling my chest while her index finger absently circling my nipple, she had no idea what she was doing to me, or how closely related my nipple was to my cock. I pulled the extra blanket up over us and held her close. "Think Peter will notice I stole his condoms?"

"Don't you mean borrowed?" she replied quickly. Laughing, I stared up at the stars, wondering which one of them granted the wish I had asked for over the past several years.

"I love you, Bella. I know I've said it a lot today but I just want you to know," I said quietly.

"I love you too, Jasper," she returned. "Thank you for bringing me here. It was a perfect first time, even if you did have it planned," she teased lightly.

"Hoped, not planned," I reminded her gently, kissing her head. "I hate to, but we need to head back soon, we've got a long drive ahead of us."

"I could just fly home, Jasper."

"No, I'm bringing you home. I need to pack up my stuff anyway. Then I'll head back down in a week."

As her fingers traced my nipples, sending chills down my spine, she said, "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too,' I paused. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Us? Long distance relationship," I sighed.

"It's only long distance until I can transfer."

"Are you sure you want to do that? You love Seattle, Bella, you've got friends there, you have your internship…Edward." Her decision had been made quickly, with little consideration, there was still time for her to change her mind.

"And I will still have friends, and I will make new ones. As for the internship, it's the first semester, so I can still do it. As for Edward, we will see him, talk to him all the time." She lifted her head and forced me to look at her. "Jasper, you can't scare me away. I've made up my mind. I'm going to transfer, I want to be with you. I love you."

I hadn't felt the tear fall until she wiped it from my cheek and gave me a small smile. Kissing seemed unnecessary at the moment, her gaze into my eyes, my soul, told me so much more than her lips could. The intimacy of it scared me, never had my soul been so complete open and bared as it was then. I trusted her with my soul, to watch over it, protect it from the revisiting the heartbreak it had so recently known – I was certain it would never know that anguish again.

She was in my arms, I was in hers…we were home.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

So…was it okay? I fretted over this chapter more than anything else I've ever written, even the L&F version. I must have read it over about a thousand times, questioning everything. Gah…I hope it's okay!

For anyone curious, the chapter title means 'for all time'

Coming up next, the epilogue…although it might be a few weeks, again, I want to be sure I get it right, and I need to work on M&A/L&F as well.