Realities

Dinner was prepared by me since Martin had called an hour ago. It was pretty simple really. A tossed salad, pasta in cream sauce (no tomato sauce of course), toasted bread with cheese, and a jelly torte. I was proud of it, and as the pasta bubbled away, and the sauce thickened it felt good to do something by myself. I arranged a few flowers in a vase, some of a bunch I'd picked form the roadside returning from Joan's farm.

Martin had been very good cooking for me these past weeks so I felt, since I had the time, it was more than fair to return the favor. I'd carefully picked the lettuce leaves, torn them into nice pieces, and added some carrots and cucumbers with a vinaigrette. The sauce came from a powder mix, the pasta from a box, but the bread was fresh from the baker, the cheese made last week from a dairy near Padstow and the jelly torte freshly made by baker's wife. Simple and filling but by heaven I made it or at least assembled it.

Promptly at seven o'clock, Martin barged in. The door slammed behind him, he dropped his case onto the slate floor, and pushed past me. "Bloody cheek," he was muttering.

"Who?"

"People!"

""What people?'

He turned with fire in his eyes and pointed towards the street side of the cottage. "Those people!" He slapped his hands together. "All I wanted to do was go do this stupid, idiotic quality job that Parsons cooked up… and people kept coming to see me, to 'meet me.' All smarmy about, ooh, how was Portwenn, and tell me more about the policeman, and I understand you have a son… Louisa, I can't do this!"

I sighed. "Martin, I'm sorry you had a bad day."

"Bad day? Bad day. Yes – a bad day."

"Well, sorry to hear that, but we had a pretty good day, Philip and I, and we even went to visit Aunty Joan. And Doctor Exley says that Philip is doing fine! Right on track."

Martin rubbed his hands over his face. "Oh, I see you fixed dinner."

"Why, yes we need to eat, don't we? I couldn't very well have you cooking after a long day, and the drive, could I?"

He relaxed a little as I said this. "Yes. Smells good."

"Well then let's eat."

"I'll just wash up, then."

I kissed his check. "Oooh, whiskers. Dinner is ready when you are."

He went up the stairs and I heard the water running, his shaver buzzing, and in a few minutes he came back down looking a bit refreshed.

"Ready, Martin?"

"Yes, shall I help you…"

"No, no. I've got it. Just sit here." I pointed to his chair. "Right here."

"But the erh, baby, won't he… need … something?'

"I fed him an hour ago after my nap, he's sleeping nicely, and if we get lucky, we might even get thirty minutes to enjoy ourselves, just you and me."

"Enjoy ourselves?"

"Well, we have to eat don't we?"

"Erh, yes." Martin looked surprised.

I'd had some time to fix my hair, put on a bit of makeup, and dress in nice trousers and a satiny blouse. I'd spent so much time in too casual clothes, I felt that I needed a lift, and I thought Martin did too. A drop of two of perfume and a necklace helped to make me a new woman, well as much as possible given what I had to work with.

Dinner was fine. I filled in Martin on Philip's medical exam and he seemed pleased, or last didn't criticize Doctor Exley that much.

"Hm." He twitched his lip. "Sounds reasonable. No other findings. No ear issues, throat problems, reflexes alright…"

"Yes, Martin. He's a perfectly fine little baby." I took his hand across the table. "He's alright."

"Well, can't be too careful, what with…"

"Martin, please stop. There's no need to plow that field again."

He glared a bit at that. "You know perfectly well…"

"Yes, I know, Martin. That you could do a much better job, especially seeing all the danger signs that no one else can see."

"Yes." He sipped his water.

"Now, let me set out desert and coffee?"

"Yes, coffee."

We ate the last in silence as I didn't want to stir up his bad feelings about the bad day he'd had in Truro. Around the time we'd finished, Philip started to stir. "Oh, better get him!" shouted Martin.

"I'll just be a minute," I said. I pushed back the chair, and took a step, as Martin touched my arm.

"Louisa, dinner was… nice."

"Thank you. Have to get the baby."

"No… thank you for going to all this trouble." He waved his hand over the dinner remnants.

"My pleasure, Martin. I mean it."

The baby was awake and seemingly not hungry, so I changed him, and went downstairs. Martin was on the sofa looking out the darkening windows to the sea.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked while teasing Philip with a stuffed puppy. It was a gift from Pauline and it looked so much like the old grey dog that bothered Martin for three years, she probably thought it seemed to be a joke. I, on the other hand, thought the little toy was cute. I trawled the toy in front of Philip's face making little barking noises. He followed the little dog and waved his arms. "Just you wait little boy, someday we'll have a house full of doggies for you to play with."

Martin looked at me askance. "Ghastly thought."

"Don't you like the thought of having pets, Martin?"

"No, they're always slobbering, scratching, flea ridden…"

"Well, Martin before soap was invented, just imagine how smelly people were, and flea ridden as well."

"Even more ghastly thought."

"So Martin, about the job…"

"I could kick Parsons for twisting my arm into taking that. A lot of useless re-reading of case files on the computer, all of them filled with the sad tales of bunglers and mistakes. Cretins practicing medicine!"

"So, if you hate it so much, quit."

"Quit? Are you mad?"

"No, I am not! But if the job is so beneath you, why do it?"

Martin shook his head then looked at the floor. "Because I have to."

"You have to? Who told you that?"

He stood up and crossed his arms. "No one." Then he stared at his shoes. "Louisa, I don't do well with people…"

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Louisa, don't you start with me, now!"

"I'm not Martin, just asking you to try and deal with the people as you're able, ok?"

Hearing me say this he looked stunned for a moment. "You're not yelling, are you?"

"No. Martin, just be the best doctor that you can be. And I know that you can be irritated by people, and that's a two way street isn't it? But do the job that Parsons wants you to. Maybe things will turn out better."

He nodded. "If you don't mind I have some reading to do. Goodnight." He kissed the baby and patted my head. "Thank you – the dinner and all."

Well he was off to his little bed. "And, Martin I was thinking that we should have dinner with Ian Exley. He seems very lonely. And something's amiss with Pauline too. Can't figure that out."

"Yes. As you wish." He turned to go. "It was my experience that there are certain – adjustments – that I had to make in living here. He'll have to do the same."

"Such as?"

"Dealing with irritating people… and a certain primary school teacher who dressed as a pirate once in a while. Good night. I, uh, have to go to Truro again tomorrow. Big staff meeting."

He clumped upstairs and so much for my plans. Well, maybe half formed thoughts. I fed Philip again, got his gas out and rocked him to sleep in the rocker in my bedroom. Then I went down and cleared away dishes. The cottage was quiet and I didn't like the feeling. It reminded me too much of those lonely weeks and months in London.

I went upstairs, used the toilet, brushed teeth and decided to go to bed. Philip lay sleeping in his cot all quiet. Martin was down the hall and I was restless. I got my pyjamas from under my pillow and looked at them. No! I couldn't bear them.

I went into my chest of drawers, finding in the bottom one, under an extra blanket, what I wanted. I carefully unwrapped the paper, smelling of lilac powder. The sheer cream colored gauze felt like glory to my hands. I stripped off and put it on. I brushed my hair, put on a tad more perfume, and looked at myself in the full length mirror.

There I stood, a vision of what might have been. This was my wedding nightdress. I filled it out more than originally intended, but what with having given birth and was still nursing I'd take that. The full length brushed my legs as I moved slightly, the slit up one side feeling quite nice. The bodice was lacey and less sheer, but well fitted. I ran my hands over the thin shoulder straps, settling it well across my collar bones and thinking how nice it looked. No I looked. I wrapped my bare arms about myself and stood there for many minutes dreaming.

Lost in reverie, I didn't react at first to Philip's cries, but then I moved, and not fast enough. My door flew open and Martin dashed in with a scared look on his face.

"Louisa? What's wrong?" he shouted.