I am a naughty, naughty slacker. Slap my wrist if you want to.
I apologise for Lance's boring retelling of the story later on- it felt necessary.
And Kitty's an idiot!!!!!!
Enjoy, and know that you are loved.
*
".... Good morning and welcome to another pant-wettingly exciting programme with our favourite Pen Friends. Today we have with us Dora Dismall, author of the best-seller 'Clouds on Olympos' and..."
Lance leaned back into the sofa cushions, more than a little ashamed of what he was watching even in the knowledge that nobody else was in the house. The truth was, he had become somewhat addicted to literature programmes after the Brunhilde episode. He now knew seventeen novels from back to front, and all without having to read a single word. Who said television was useless?
Pietro had inevitably got into considerable trouble after the whole 'I'm- Not-Dead' saga, and at that particular moment in time he was receiving a good telling off from Professor Baldilocks Xavier and the X-Deputation. Lance knew little of Todd and Fred's whereabouts but suspected it had something to do with the missing twenty dollars from his wallet.
The thin, horsey-looking woman in grey pinstripe on the screen suddenly sat up very straight, looking like she might cry.
"That's not true!" she cried at her warty, combover-sporting colleague. "That's a typical cynic's perspective. Now anyone who's ever been in love will tell you-"
Here Lance found a smug smirk creeping around the corners of his mouth. He was quite certain he'd found it: Love. Pietro had done amazing things to him- beyond the physical sense of the phrase; he had made Lance see the world differently. Appreciate things for what they were, or sometimes what they weren't. It was doubtless he had become more thoughtful, more sensitive. Love had given him new eyes, and he couldn't imagine seeing the world as blurred and bland again as he had before Pietro. Life before Pietro was not a desirable thought, and life without was worse.
"I'm in love!" he told the woman on TV earnestly, spreading his arms out wide and unwittingly knocking a can of beer on to Mystique's 'antique' bearskin. "I understand!"
"I don't think you do," answered a quavering female voice that could not have come out of the television. It in fact belonged to a Miss Katherine Pryde, who had this time phased through the door and was standing in front of Lance looking like she was about to wet herself. Understandably shocked, Lance felt much the same.
"K-K-K-Kitty!" Lance shrieked. His jaw met the floor and he could not help but point stupidly at her. He had regressed from the inspired romantic to Idiot-Caveman-Lance in a matter of seconds. Kitty always did have that effect on him, after all.
"Like, we'd better talk," Kitty whispered whilst she poked at the puddle of beer on the rug with her big toe, her irritatingly cute nose scrunched up in disgust.
"Talk?" Lance replied, looking through a curtain of hair. "Sure, why not? What about?" This was followed by an unstoppable nervous laugh that made his insides squirm in embarrassment. Although he didn't like her anymore, he didn't want Kitty thinking he was a mindless idiot. Because really, he wasn't- at least, he thought he wasn't.
"Well, I know what you want to talk about- er, the sex thing I guess. Well, where do we start? Uh, you, me, park... The.. er, whole relationship thing. Hah."
"You hurt me!" Kitty suddenly cried, making Lance look up in surprise. "You broke my heart, Lance Alvers," she said with a nauseating pout. It was then he noticed that she was wearing an oversized pink angora cardigan with a cat motif. She looked something like a sad, mouldy raspberry and he wondered how he could ever, ever have found her attractive. He could smell her sickening strawberry fragrance- it turned his stomach as he remembered the clumsy fumbling, the dreadful aftermath with Pietro...
"You used me," she sniffed, her eyes become alarmingly wide as she tried not to cry in front of him. "You never wanted me to be your girlfriend. You just wanted a... a simple... a simple fuck!"
Lance sighed, picking up the empty beer can and placing it on the table. Now that he thought of it, it was extremely rude for Kitty to barge into his home unwanted and uninvited. She could have at least rung the doorbell let alone using the door like any civilised person- he would never have dreamt of using his powers to break into somebody's house. Of course, if he did attempt that there would be no house left standing to break into...
"I can't lie," he said simply, knowing that he could not. He saw nothing wrong with hurting Kitty's feelings; it was better for her to know the truth in the long run. "I was immensely sexually attracted to you. I used to be an idiot- I thought lust was all there was, couldn't tell the difference you know? I wanted you for sex. But... but that wasn't all.."
"No," she said. "You, like, used me to see if you were, like, gay or not."
"Er.... What?!" Absolutely dumbfounded, Lance could do little more than let his mouth hang open like a flabby-gilled trout. How on earth did Kitty know about his.. preference? He had been so careful not to tell anyone. Not that he was ashamed of it- of course he wasn't- was he? There was nothing wrong with being gay, if that was what he was; he just preferred to be gay in private.
But then Lance remembered a visit from Summers not so long ago, shortly after Pietro's 'death'. All those flowers and Cyke's sick, holier-than-thou preaching- and hadn't he distinctly said, "Yes, we guessed that Pietro was your boyfriend"? How could he have forgotten that? Oh god, the X-Geeks really had something on him now. It was probably spreading round Bayville High right that second- 'Tough guy Lance Alvers takes it up the ass!'
"I think I at least, like, deserve an explanation," Kitty continued, suddenly prissy. She took a seat on the sofa, crossing her legs almost impossibly neatly and glared at Lance in a 'just-try-and-defy-me' manner. Knowing when he was beaten, Lance crossed to the window and began to speak whilst staring out at the rain beating down outside.
"Alright, Kitty, but I won't spare you the details. You want the story? You get it exactly how it was- and just for the record, I don't care if it upsets you. I dunno- maybe I am sorry; maybe I'm not. We'll see."
He cleared his throat, casting his mind back to the start.
"It started when Pietro was appointed carer for me by Mystique after I lost the power in my arms. I hated him at first.... He was- still is- an arrogant little shit at the best of times. Got kicks outta making me feel useless. It was so boring doing nothing all day too, I wasn't clever enough to read books or do creative stuff so I turned to the power of imagination. All well and good if you've got good things to dream about, but I was so primitive I didn't think much past food, sleep and sex. Jesus, I was so horny I was going mad. All I could think about was you- your tits, nipples, sex with you, you naked, that tight little uniform Baldy's got you wearing.... And you know what sent me over the edge? I COULDN'T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT! I couldn't just go and jack off- don't give me that look, all guys do it. Even Kurt. Well," he added, frowning at the thought of it. "Maybe not Kurt. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is I was dying for release in any shape or form. Now, Pietro and I had become pretty close whilst he'd been caring for me. We had to- he was dressing me, helping me walk, even spoon-fed me sometimes. Wouldn't Spyke-boy love that? You see Pietro's got a caring side. Fuck, he does. He's sensitive, kind, loyal, but too afraid to show any of that. He's like me. We've got to be tough in what we do- you're the X-Geeks, the spoilt little brats with perfect little lives, airy-fairy beliefs coming out of your ears. We're the Brotherhood: we've got reality. Life's been shit for us and it ain't getting much better. Well.... That's what I thought until I fell in love. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to but the minute I asked Pietro to bring me off- now that, I'm ashamed of- everything became different. I couldn't get him out of my head, but there was no way in hell I was going to sit back, stick my hands up and say 'I'M GAY!', or at least bi. You became my defence mechanism, every time I thought about Pietro I forced myself back into those sexual thoughts of you that were doing less and less for me each time. You see, I didn't just want a fuck anymore- I wanted something meaningful and Kitty, sorry babe but you'll never mean a thing to me. How could you? We're just two brainless kids."
Kitty's mouth hung open in an almost tragically accurate demonstration of what a brainless kid might look like.
"Like, how can you say that, Lance? We have so much in common."
"Kitty, apart from the fact our I.Qs added together don't even reach 50 we'll never have a thing in common. Look at you in your.... Your fluffy pink thing, what the hell is that?"
"I HATE YOU, LANCE ALVERS!" Kitty screeched, suddenly standing. Her face was turning a similar colour to her cardigan. "I gave up my virginity for you! Does that, like, count for nothing?"
Getting bored, Lance drummed his fingers on the windowsill. "Yeah, it means you're more fucking stupid than I ever gave you credit for. Hell, I'm stupid for doing it too. I almost lost Pietro after he found out, he went-"
"PEE-AY-TRO, PEE-AY-TRO, PEE-AY-TRO!" roared Kitty. "Let me tell you something Lance- he's playing you for a fool. He doesn't love you, he's, like, totally incapable of loving. He'll chew you up and spit you out, just like you did to me and then we'll see who's laughing. In fact..." Her face clouded and she trailed off as if she was just about to reveal something very, very bad and thought better of it. Lance stepped away from the window, suddenly concerned.
"What?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
"Lance, I promised I wouldn't."
Lance felt a strange kind of panic bubbling up in his stomach. "Tell me."
"I can't-"
"Tell me!"
"No, you couldn't handle it. It's better if I-"
Now angry, Lance marched towards Kitty taking hold of both of her wrists. Reverting back to Primitive Thug Lance, he pinned her against the nearest wall and stared down at her with the ultimate menace in his eyes, breathing hot air down her neck. She squirmed, feeling vulnerable and afraid.
"Tell me," he growled through gritted teeth.
"Please don't hurt me!" she cried.
"I won't," he whispered. "Not if you tell me what's going on."
She narrowed her eyes. "Let me go first."
He nodded, and released his grip but held the threatening glare. He wanted her to know that he was the one in control. He would win.
"Okay," she said. "Though don't say I didn't warn you. Pee-ay-tro is not what you think he is. He's... He's cheating on you Lance. He's been with Rogue all along."
"No," Lance said, shaking his head in disbelief though the words stung like acid. "He isn't."
"Yes he is," Kitty told him, the corners of her mouth starting to curl up. "And if you don't believe me, tell me where he is now."
"He's..." Lance paled in realisation as the words left his mouth. "He's at the Institute."
Kitty nodded. "Uh-huh. I room with Rogue, Lance. I, like, hear them at it all the time. He never gets caught- he can run through the security system. Oh wait, you knew that didn't you?"
Though his voice was trembling, Lance kept up his façade of strength. "Get out," he hissed. "Get the fuck out of my house."
"You know it's true," she whispered venomously. "It all makes sense."
"GET OUT!!" Lance screamed, and the floor began to shake. Kitty headed towards the front door and he followed, wanting the reassurance of knowing that she was gone.
"What's wrong, Lance?" Kitty said, looking over her shoulder as he opened the door for her. "Can't handle the truth?"
And she was gone. Lance slammed the door, taking deep breaths to control himself. Pietro couldn't... Pietro wouldn't... Would he? It couldn't all have been a sham. But then- where did he go when he left the house for long periods of time? Was it just his imagination, or did Pietro always come back looking guilty, their kisses and touches seeming like apologies? Oh god, was this the stem of Pietro's insecurities- his guilt over fucking that X-Bitch?
"No," Lance whispered, feeling all the strength sap out of him. "It's a lie..."
He sank down the doorframe to his knees with a heavy thud, defeated. His head fell into his hands and tears met them, running down his wrists in desolate rivers.
"It's a lie."
I apologise for Lance's boring retelling of the story later on- it felt necessary.
And Kitty's an idiot!!!!!!
Enjoy, and know that you are loved.
*
".... Good morning and welcome to another pant-wettingly exciting programme with our favourite Pen Friends. Today we have with us Dora Dismall, author of the best-seller 'Clouds on Olympos' and..."
Lance leaned back into the sofa cushions, more than a little ashamed of what he was watching even in the knowledge that nobody else was in the house. The truth was, he had become somewhat addicted to literature programmes after the Brunhilde episode. He now knew seventeen novels from back to front, and all without having to read a single word. Who said television was useless?
Pietro had inevitably got into considerable trouble after the whole 'I'm- Not-Dead' saga, and at that particular moment in time he was receiving a good telling off from Professor Baldilocks Xavier and the X-Deputation. Lance knew little of Todd and Fred's whereabouts but suspected it had something to do with the missing twenty dollars from his wallet.
The thin, horsey-looking woman in grey pinstripe on the screen suddenly sat up very straight, looking like she might cry.
"That's not true!" she cried at her warty, combover-sporting colleague. "That's a typical cynic's perspective. Now anyone who's ever been in love will tell you-"
Here Lance found a smug smirk creeping around the corners of his mouth. He was quite certain he'd found it: Love. Pietro had done amazing things to him- beyond the physical sense of the phrase; he had made Lance see the world differently. Appreciate things for what they were, or sometimes what they weren't. It was doubtless he had become more thoughtful, more sensitive. Love had given him new eyes, and he couldn't imagine seeing the world as blurred and bland again as he had before Pietro. Life before Pietro was not a desirable thought, and life without was worse.
"I'm in love!" he told the woman on TV earnestly, spreading his arms out wide and unwittingly knocking a can of beer on to Mystique's 'antique' bearskin. "I understand!"
"I don't think you do," answered a quavering female voice that could not have come out of the television. It in fact belonged to a Miss Katherine Pryde, who had this time phased through the door and was standing in front of Lance looking like she was about to wet herself. Understandably shocked, Lance felt much the same.
"K-K-K-Kitty!" Lance shrieked. His jaw met the floor and he could not help but point stupidly at her. He had regressed from the inspired romantic to Idiot-Caveman-Lance in a matter of seconds. Kitty always did have that effect on him, after all.
"Like, we'd better talk," Kitty whispered whilst she poked at the puddle of beer on the rug with her big toe, her irritatingly cute nose scrunched up in disgust.
"Talk?" Lance replied, looking through a curtain of hair. "Sure, why not? What about?" This was followed by an unstoppable nervous laugh that made his insides squirm in embarrassment. Although he didn't like her anymore, he didn't want Kitty thinking he was a mindless idiot. Because really, he wasn't- at least, he thought he wasn't.
"Well, I know what you want to talk about- er, the sex thing I guess. Well, where do we start? Uh, you, me, park... The.. er, whole relationship thing. Hah."
"You hurt me!" Kitty suddenly cried, making Lance look up in surprise. "You broke my heart, Lance Alvers," she said with a nauseating pout. It was then he noticed that she was wearing an oversized pink angora cardigan with a cat motif. She looked something like a sad, mouldy raspberry and he wondered how he could ever, ever have found her attractive. He could smell her sickening strawberry fragrance- it turned his stomach as he remembered the clumsy fumbling, the dreadful aftermath with Pietro...
"You used me," she sniffed, her eyes become alarmingly wide as she tried not to cry in front of him. "You never wanted me to be your girlfriend. You just wanted a... a simple... a simple fuck!"
Lance sighed, picking up the empty beer can and placing it on the table. Now that he thought of it, it was extremely rude for Kitty to barge into his home unwanted and uninvited. She could have at least rung the doorbell let alone using the door like any civilised person- he would never have dreamt of using his powers to break into somebody's house. Of course, if he did attempt that there would be no house left standing to break into...
"I can't lie," he said simply, knowing that he could not. He saw nothing wrong with hurting Kitty's feelings; it was better for her to know the truth in the long run. "I was immensely sexually attracted to you. I used to be an idiot- I thought lust was all there was, couldn't tell the difference you know? I wanted you for sex. But... but that wasn't all.."
"No," she said. "You, like, used me to see if you were, like, gay or not."
"Er.... What?!" Absolutely dumbfounded, Lance could do little more than let his mouth hang open like a flabby-gilled trout. How on earth did Kitty know about his.. preference? He had been so careful not to tell anyone. Not that he was ashamed of it- of course he wasn't- was he? There was nothing wrong with being gay, if that was what he was; he just preferred to be gay in private.
But then Lance remembered a visit from Summers not so long ago, shortly after Pietro's 'death'. All those flowers and Cyke's sick, holier-than-thou preaching- and hadn't he distinctly said, "Yes, we guessed that Pietro was your boyfriend"? How could he have forgotten that? Oh god, the X-Geeks really had something on him now. It was probably spreading round Bayville High right that second- 'Tough guy Lance Alvers takes it up the ass!'
"I think I at least, like, deserve an explanation," Kitty continued, suddenly prissy. She took a seat on the sofa, crossing her legs almost impossibly neatly and glared at Lance in a 'just-try-and-defy-me' manner. Knowing when he was beaten, Lance crossed to the window and began to speak whilst staring out at the rain beating down outside.
"Alright, Kitty, but I won't spare you the details. You want the story? You get it exactly how it was- and just for the record, I don't care if it upsets you. I dunno- maybe I am sorry; maybe I'm not. We'll see."
He cleared his throat, casting his mind back to the start.
"It started when Pietro was appointed carer for me by Mystique after I lost the power in my arms. I hated him at first.... He was- still is- an arrogant little shit at the best of times. Got kicks outta making me feel useless. It was so boring doing nothing all day too, I wasn't clever enough to read books or do creative stuff so I turned to the power of imagination. All well and good if you've got good things to dream about, but I was so primitive I didn't think much past food, sleep and sex. Jesus, I was so horny I was going mad. All I could think about was you- your tits, nipples, sex with you, you naked, that tight little uniform Baldy's got you wearing.... And you know what sent me over the edge? I COULDN'T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT! I couldn't just go and jack off- don't give me that look, all guys do it. Even Kurt. Well," he added, frowning at the thought of it. "Maybe not Kurt. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is I was dying for release in any shape or form. Now, Pietro and I had become pretty close whilst he'd been caring for me. We had to- he was dressing me, helping me walk, even spoon-fed me sometimes. Wouldn't Spyke-boy love that? You see Pietro's got a caring side. Fuck, he does. He's sensitive, kind, loyal, but too afraid to show any of that. He's like me. We've got to be tough in what we do- you're the X-Geeks, the spoilt little brats with perfect little lives, airy-fairy beliefs coming out of your ears. We're the Brotherhood: we've got reality. Life's been shit for us and it ain't getting much better. Well.... That's what I thought until I fell in love. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to but the minute I asked Pietro to bring me off- now that, I'm ashamed of- everything became different. I couldn't get him out of my head, but there was no way in hell I was going to sit back, stick my hands up and say 'I'M GAY!', or at least bi. You became my defence mechanism, every time I thought about Pietro I forced myself back into those sexual thoughts of you that were doing less and less for me each time. You see, I didn't just want a fuck anymore- I wanted something meaningful and Kitty, sorry babe but you'll never mean a thing to me. How could you? We're just two brainless kids."
Kitty's mouth hung open in an almost tragically accurate demonstration of what a brainless kid might look like.
"Like, how can you say that, Lance? We have so much in common."
"Kitty, apart from the fact our I.Qs added together don't even reach 50 we'll never have a thing in common. Look at you in your.... Your fluffy pink thing, what the hell is that?"
"I HATE YOU, LANCE ALVERS!" Kitty screeched, suddenly standing. Her face was turning a similar colour to her cardigan. "I gave up my virginity for you! Does that, like, count for nothing?"
Getting bored, Lance drummed his fingers on the windowsill. "Yeah, it means you're more fucking stupid than I ever gave you credit for. Hell, I'm stupid for doing it too. I almost lost Pietro after he found out, he went-"
"PEE-AY-TRO, PEE-AY-TRO, PEE-AY-TRO!" roared Kitty. "Let me tell you something Lance- he's playing you for a fool. He doesn't love you, he's, like, totally incapable of loving. He'll chew you up and spit you out, just like you did to me and then we'll see who's laughing. In fact..." Her face clouded and she trailed off as if she was just about to reveal something very, very bad and thought better of it. Lance stepped away from the window, suddenly concerned.
"What?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
"Lance, I promised I wouldn't."
Lance felt a strange kind of panic bubbling up in his stomach. "Tell me."
"I can't-"
"Tell me!"
"No, you couldn't handle it. It's better if I-"
Now angry, Lance marched towards Kitty taking hold of both of her wrists. Reverting back to Primitive Thug Lance, he pinned her against the nearest wall and stared down at her with the ultimate menace in his eyes, breathing hot air down her neck. She squirmed, feeling vulnerable and afraid.
"Tell me," he growled through gritted teeth.
"Please don't hurt me!" she cried.
"I won't," he whispered. "Not if you tell me what's going on."
She narrowed her eyes. "Let me go first."
He nodded, and released his grip but held the threatening glare. He wanted her to know that he was the one in control. He would win.
"Okay," she said. "Though don't say I didn't warn you. Pee-ay-tro is not what you think he is. He's... He's cheating on you Lance. He's been with Rogue all along."
"No," Lance said, shaking his head in disbelief though the words stung like acid. "He isn't."
"Yes he is," Kitty told him, the corners of her mouth starting to curl up. "And if you don't believe me, tell me where he is now."
"He's..." Lance paled in realisation as the words left his mouth. "He's at the Institute."
Kitty nodded. "Uh-huh. I room with Rogue, Lance. I, like, hear them at it all the time. He never gets caught- he can run through the security system. Oh wait, you knew that didn't you?"
Though his voice was trembling, Lance kept up his façade of strength. "Get out," he hissed. "Get the fuck out of my house."
"You know it's true," she whispered venomously. "It all makes sense."
"GET OUT!!" Lance screamed, and the floor began to shake. Kitty headed towards the front door and he followed, wanting the reassurance of knowing that she was gone.
"What's wrong, Lance?" Kitty said, looking over her shoulder as he opened the door for her. "Can't handle the truth?"
And she was gone. Lance slammed the door, taking deep breaths to control himself. Pietro couldn't... Pietro wouldn't... Would he? It couldn't all have been a sham. But then- where did he go when he left the house for long periods of time? Was it just his imagination, or did Pietro always come back looking guilty, their kisses and touches seeming like apologies? Oh god, was this the stem of Pietro's insecurities- his guilt over fucking that X-Bitch?
"No," Lance whispered, feeling all the strength sap out of him. "It's a lie..."
He sank down the doorframe to his knees with a heavy thud, defeated. His head fell into his hands and tears met them, running down his wrists in desolate rivers.
"It's a lie."