Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or any of it's characters. No money is being made. Don't sue.
:}
For several seconds, Meredith stared at Jade, still sending waves of hatred, but broken by confusion, with moments of hurt mixed in. Finally she composed herself, seeming to come to some kind of decision, saying said "You make sure all casting is on the up and up. I don't want to create any more horror stories for this show. And I work with a writer I approve of. I don't take meetings, we communicate by secured emails and phone. If you have to list me, call me a consultant. But mostly, I want to make sure the real story, of how men, even those without real power, can take advantage of your dreams. Will you do this for me?"
Meredith was crying, hot tears of pain, as she finished. Sinjin put his arm around her, comforting his wife. It didn't take long for the salvo to pass, and the small woman was back to her regular self. Jade had been waiting, silently, for the girl to finish. "Meredith, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll bill you as a consultant, get you paid for your story, but mostly I want the honesty you'll bring to the project. I don't want the audience to lose sight of how things aren't always as they seem. It's not always happy hookers looking to sell love. Sometimes the women giving themselves away are manipulated, hurting, and in need of a break."
"And you plan to cast someone to play the knight in shining armor who saves her?" Tori asked.
"More like Nerd in shining t-shirt." Jade said, glancing at Sinjin. "I thought we'd skip the successful rubber company part, and focus on the high tech company. Not totally true, but it gives us a better character. Someone creative, working on their own dream, who wants her for more then just her looks. Someone who will be trying to help out, often at his own emotional expense, until he finally proposes, towards the end of the show. Give us a goal."
"I play the eventual hero?" Sinjin said, puffing up.
"Rather, we base the guy on you." Jade corrected. "I would like to cast someone who resembles you too. Thin, not the typical Hollywood hunk. A counter point to the actors we'll have playing many of the users. Assuming the network agrees. I could see them switching it up, mostly using less attractive guys for the villainous parts. Lets never forget, they made a show based on the memoirs of a prostitute, that made being a whore out to be an okay gig."
Tori and the others were looking, watching for any signs that Meredith and Jade still had problems. Tori could agree with everything Jade had said. There were people, girls and boys, out there to whom prostitution was just a job, something they did to make ends meet. But far too many, possibly the majority, weren't doing it out of love for the business. They had no choice, and any show that glamorized prostitution undermined the damage many of these girls had suffered, either working the streets, or before.
Jade held her hand out to Meredith. "We good?"
"No." The pregnant girl said, looking down. "You've shown me you're willing to try, and I appreciate the effort, but we're not good. Not yet."
Jade's hand retracted, and for a moment there was a look of hurt on the directors face. Then the look faded, and she replied. "I understand." Her voice was controlled, level. But inside she was screaming 'What was I hoping for, redemption?' Old processes were opening, tearing into the girl and reminding her that there was no easy path to forgiveness.
"Jade, listen to me." Misses Van Cleef said, her voice stronger. "You want to square things with me, then you need to understand what I'm about to tell you." She reached out and took Jade's hand, pulling the taller girl half a step closer. "I don't hate you. I kinda like who you're becoming. I see much of the old Jade in you, and it scares me. Thats a good thing. You wouldn't be you without that edge. But just to be clear, I hate the damage you're going to cause."
Jade's mouth was open, trying to work. She'd put herself out to this woman, and here she was, being accused of doing something bad. Even as she was working with Meredith to try and do some good, she was causing harm. "How?" Jade managed to mutter. But she was too confused to make more headway into her thoughts. Not without letting the rage she'd relied upon for so long to take control, cause real harm to her plans. As an adult, she'd had to hold back the anger, us it constructively. It fueled a lot of her horror stories. But it also ate at her, ripping holes in her self confidence.
"It's not you're fault." Meredith said with a sad smile. "You didn't do it on purpose. In many ways, it should be a good thing. But you're success, doing it your way, will cause a lot of people who have no idea how lucky you got, or how hard it really is, to flood to Hollywood. And the boys and girls who come will have to turn to other things to make it. Some will get hurt. And the worst part is, you could become a nun, denounce Hollywood, and they'd still have so many roll models to follow."
"Oh." Jade said, trying to catch up.
"I totally get that." Tori jumped in. "Fame has a price, and to those who made it, the price is so different than to those who didn't. I walked away. I have my fame, in other countries. But I decided to be a teacher, and I'm happy."
"Which brings me to what I wanted to say to you, Jade." Meredith said. "I once told you to seek me out when you've tried everything and nothing's worked. But I can see that'll take far too long. You and Tori, you make each other happy. So for the sake of your budding relationship, I'm going to tell you the reason you could never be happy. And the joke is, I'll bet you've heard it a couple of times, seen it yourself."
Jade was speechless. Even Tori and Sinjin had leaned in to hear whatever Meredith was going to say. "How many of your friends didn't pursue their dreams of fame?" Se asked. "How many found happiness doing something you'd never have guessed they would? Maybe one or two? And if you add in fame, but on their terms? How about being in the entertainment business, but behind the scenes. Making their magic without the crowds chanting their names?"
Meredith looked Jade in the eyes, pulling at those glimmering oceans, drawing the goth in. "The thing is, there's no magic formula for being happy. In my recovery, I've had therapy, zen thought, and anything else I could find to figure out how to be happy with me. I have my scars, and I'm lucky enough to have a husband who loves me, and can afford the family. But the secret is to be happy with who you are. No one, no matter how much they love you, can fill in that hole in your soul. Maybe you're parents weren't the best, but you can still learn to love the person they made."
Now Meredith was holding both Jade's hands, trying to impart the importance of what she was saying. "Jade, the hunger made you famous, cause you knew you'd die if you didn't get it. But you also got lucky. You didn't sell your soul, so you faced the next part of the dilemma, that the fame didn't fulfill the promise you made yourself. It didn't fill that gaping hole in your heart." For a moment she held Jade there, with her eyes, and squeezing both the goths hands in her own. "You're so talented, this evening shows that. You can have one hell of a career. But it's never going to be good enough until you decide you are good enough. And while it sounds so easy, whole religions are based on how easy that is, it's the kind of easy that can take a lifetime to master."
No one could think of a thing to say. They all sat there, staring. Staring at Meredith. Staring at Jade. Staring at the table, the leftovers, or something inside. Then, after several minutes, the petite brunet said "You were the last of your friends to figure that out, and not one of them knew they had. So, think about that, talk to your therapist. If you don't have one, get one. And I look forward to working on this project with you." Jade's hands fell free as the smaller girl took a step back, moving towards Sinjin. "It's been a lovely evening, but we have to go. Jade, please, email Sinj here the deets on your caterers, especially your desert person. And Tori, it was lovely catching up with you."
She pulled her husband, functionally dragging him out of the house. It was a warm night, so they hadn't brought coats, or they'd left them in their car. Either way, they'd soon left, and Jade was left stunned, trying to work her way past what Meredith had said.
Tori found herself watching her girlfriend, worried when the goth didn't respond for the entire time the Van Cleef's took to go. Then the silence was broken.
"I think she just told me that happiness comes from within." Jade said, blinking.
"Imagine that." Tori said, smiling. But it was a fake smile, because Tori didn't fully understand. Not yet. She did kinda know that she had to be true to herself to be happy, and being a celebrity in the foreign markets and a teacher at home was still so fun to her because she was that person. That approachable person who loved to perform, but also loved helping others.
Jade didn't smile, didn't blink for as long as she could hold out. Instead, she held her girlfriend and tried to process what she'd been told.
Over the next week, Jade pondered what Meredith had told her. For such a damaged, angry girl, Meredith seemed to know what she was talking about. Jade could tell, cause the director did her research. As she buried herself in her next projects, the goth looked up Happiness Psychology, as well as a lot of metaphysics and mystic teachings. They all agreed that, while you cannot control what happens in your life, you have some control over how you react.
At one point, midway through the week, Jade found herself on the phone, calling her father. "Dad, I don't need to have a sit down talk, or whatever. I know who I am now, and think it's time you did the same. You owe Junior that much. So I'm offering an unusual peace. I wasn't wrong, just hurt. I ran away when I should have been asking you to be there for and with me. I let Hollywood finish what we'd started years ago. I still want a relationship with you, and mom, and Junior. But I won't beg. If you think you can see enough to meet me half way, then I'll make arrangements for family counseling. We'll start with just you and me. You can call me whatever you want, and I'll return the favor. In the end, I'm not gonna be an obedient servant. I'm not the type. But I can be your daughter, if you let me."
Jade wondered if he'd hear that message, and decided she didn't care. She'd broken down first and made the next move, but did it in a way that left no question as to who didn't have power in this situation. Neither of them had the upper hand. It was scary place for Jade, who'd spent her entire career, most of her life, working so she would always have the edge in everything she did.
"But I didn't." Jade said to no one. Her assistants were near by, more worried then ever that she was about to hurt someone. They found themselves listening as she spoke cause they didn't have any place to run to. "Andre, Beck, they learned how to just live, enjoying what they had and not worrying about what it would cost to try and live my dream. They followed their own. And Tori, I don't think I'll ever have the upper hand with her. But maybe thats the point. Not the constant skirmishes me and Beck had, but the alliance Tori and I seem to be developing. Maybe happiness isn't in the wins and losses as much as making the most out of everything that happens along the way. Wining is great, wouldn't trade my wins for the world, but I'd trade them for the way I feel when Tori and I are sitting together, just reading."
Jade turned to one of the assistants, some guy she didn't know his name, but he'd been sneaking through her peripheral vision. "What time is it?"
"Four twenty five." The man said. He looked around the set. "We have time for another shot."
"No we don't." Jade told him. "I have somewhere I have to be." Then to the set. "Thats a wrap for the day. Bright and early tomorrow."
"So?" One of her stars, Dillon Hunter, asked Jade as she was putting on her coat. "Whats caused the short filming days? Secret affair? Or is the great Jade West working on some big project?"
"I'm helping out with a student film." Jade replied. "And I need to finish getting the stuff ready for my big presentation on Friday."
"Friday?" The star asked.
"I'm telling the students I'll be helping out. But they have to do everything else. Film, act, write, direct. I'm an adviser, a producer, and nothing more. But it should be fun." Jade smiled.
"Jade West helping out a student film for Fun? Does someone die in every scene?" Dillon asked.
"Don't know yet, but since this is high school, probably not." The producer replied. "Might even be a romantic piece, given their limited budget. I'll be lending them the equipment too."
"You've changed." Mister Hunter said, a look of disbelief on his face. "So tell me, what changed? What's your secret?"
"Counting my blessings, and not letting the little shit get to me." Jade replied. "I've decided I'm worthy of love, and I'm going for it. Just, sometimes, the price is, not high, just weird."
"Like helping out on a student film?" The star asked. "A high school students film?"
"Exactly." Jade said.
She'd spend the rest of the week thinking about how she was going to approach this project. He film crew knew her, they knew she was a perfectionist who often had trouble letting go of a project. Stan often dropped by the set just to make sure she wasn't on the verge of losing it. But this project, she'd been calmer, more centered. And when Stan heard of her distractions, he adjusted the filming estimates, told the actors to be thankful for their easier schedules, and told Jade he was anxious to see the student film, watch the finished product. "Sorry, Stan, it's a closed set. Apparently they need you to be able to pass a fingerprint background test to work with kids."
"How did you ever get permission?" He joked back. "If they need help, let me know."
"If we need help, I will." The goth replied. "But I suspect these kids, they just need an opportunity to show the world what they can do. Thats my job, showing them." She hugged her surrogate father. "Time to give back for all I've gotten."
"Just, you aren't done." Stan warned. "There will be times when you slip, fall back."
"And I'll have you, Marge, and Tori for when that happens." Jade said. They shared that moment, of Jade feeling positive for the first time in a long time.
That Friday, Jade found it surreal, pacing in the back area of the black box theater. Tori was taking to a class, explaining that they were going to be making a movie. She talked about the contacts that Sikowitz had in the industry, and how they'd reached out and found a winner for this years project. Jade smirked as she heard Tori explaining "Ever sense I went here, and they got Dale Squires to help us make a film, it has been a dream to reintroduce that experience as an annual event. But to do that, you need a director with contacts, or a director with Sikowitz's contacts. In the end, we got both. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the person who will be talking to you about film, and helping us make a student film, Jade West."
Jade emerged from the small, curtained off, off stage waiting area, and walked onto the small stage. She found the podium, looked out at the class, and started answering question. Some were about the decisions she'd made on the various movies she'd done, like what camera angle to use, or why this actor was doing whatever. Each answer showed her appreciation of the work everyone put in to her projects. "As I've gone forward, I find it's too much work to micro manage every shot. You have to give the actors freedom to express. And the others, the crew, sometimes they're creative too. You need to be willing to listen." Jade explained. She was about to segue into talking about the film they were going to make together, Only for the back door opened and a whole herd of students were there, trying to get a look at her.
"Oh my god, It is Jade West." One of the mass of student population screamed.
"Tori..." Jade said to the teacher.
"Okay, who mass Texted?" Tori asked.
A boy raised his hand saying "But I had to update my slap account." He tried to look ashamed, but it wasn't working.
"People, if you're not in this class, leave." Tori commanded. The students reluctantly pulled back out of the theater.
One stayed. "Is it true you're making a movie with Dillon Hunter?" She asked. "Cause I brought my head shot, and a picture of him from a magazine, so you could see how perfect we are together."
Tori looked to see who could be used to eject that student when Jade spoke up, smiling at the strange familiarity of the whole thing.
"Sorry, but by the time I get them, the movie's already been cast." Jade said. "So please just go. Tori is already planning who can embarrass you into leaving."
The girl reluctantly departed, as Jade continued talking to the class. "Okay, for the record, None of you are getting anything more then the chance to work with me on this project. I was on the Dale Squires project, and let me tell you, I'm not going to be as hands on, or off, as he was. I'll be there for advice, and to supervise. But this isn't my movie to make. I have two academy awards. I don't need this to make my career. So I'm asking you, what kind of move should we make?"
Tori pointed to one of the students saying "Willie, don't you have a one act play you were thinking would be good for this?" Then to the class "Or does anyone else have a one act play that they think would be a good choice to be converted into a film?"
Watching the students pitch their ideas, the different plays that could be chosen from, Jade smirked. 'The wheel turns.' She thought to herself. 'This should be fun.'
:}
So, that was a thing. I'd originally planed on ending here, then I realized I had hanging issues. So I'm continuing. Still, Jade's changed, and she's starting to see just how much. But just because you change doesn't mean there's no back sliding, or you've conquered all your issues.
Review, cause it makes the sun shine. Review, cause it makes the hard times easier to handle. Review, cause what else are you gonna do with your time. Review, cause I'm sure you have a reason.
See you next time, space cowboy. (No bonus for those of you who know where I got that from.)