Chapter 21 – Frustration
Heidi closed her eyes and breathed heavily as she felt him press himself up against her. It will be over soon if you just stay still. Just stay still Heidi. If you fight it's going to make it worse. If you fight he's just going to hurt you more. He's just going to be rougher. Just stay still. You can do it. She had to keep telling herself in her head to stop herself from making the reflex reaction of fighting him. Using a free knee to aim from his balls was the first thing that always went through her head. Spitting in his eye was the second thing, but she couldn't do either. It would only make it worse if she did and she knew it firsthand. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do – just lay there and let him rape her.
He didn't rape her everynight. Usually it was just the nights he was on duty that he did. That still made the ordeal happen for her every 3 nights. Sometimes when he felt like it, it would be two nights in a row though and those were the worst. Those were the nights when Heidi felt like begging him to just get it over with. Those were the nights when Heidi lost all hope that she was ever going to get out of here alive. The temptation on those nights was always on the tip of her tongue. To just tell him to kill her then and there because although she was still alive, she was barely living
Heidi was momentarily pulled out of her thoughts as she felt him groping at her breasts as he assaulted her neck with his lips. This was his idea of foreplay. Not for her enjoyment, but in order to get himself all jacked up and sexually frustrated. Heidi simply turned her head to the side, resting her cheek on the mattress in order to give him direct access to her neck. There was no point fighting compliance because she knew what he wanted, and if she didn't make it easy for him to get what he wanted he'd use force and he wouldn't hold back. No doubt he'd leave one or two hickeys on her neck. Fulfilling his sick fantasy about marking her as his in any way he could possibly think of. She'd see the strawberry coloured patches the next day all over her skin when she was finally allowed to use the bathroom. Heidi closed her eyes tighter, forcing herself back into her thoughts so she could mentally escape what was next to come.
It scared her how many times she thought about wanting to die. She thought about it so much more than she wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that she was strong and that she could survive this. She could survive anything they threw at her. She wanted to believe that she was unbreakable. She wanted to believe that she was like her mother. Brave.
That was the only thing keeping her alive - the thought of her parents. The thought of how much they'd sacrificed for her and how much it would just kill them to know that she'd given up and asked for death. Apart from eachother Heidi knew that she was all her parents had. She was the child that had brought them together. She was the blessing at the end of a rough road. She was the one thing she knew her parents loved more than they loved eachother. The thought that one day there was a possibility that she would see her parents again was the sole thing in this god forsaken warehouse that was giving her light. And although that light had been dimmed and although at times she felt like it was dangerous to hope and to keep that light burning, her parents were the only things that kept her fighting.
Heidi gasped and winced as she felt him finally roughly enter her. It hurt every single time. It felt like he was tearing her in two, every single time. Like he was forcing something that just wasn't supposed to happen. She knew he could feel the resistance of her body against him but instead of easing up and trying to let her body relax, he would just push and push, harder and harder. It took everything she had not to cry out at how much he was hurting her. She didn't want him to mistake her cries of pain for cries of pleasure. She didn't want him to assume that any part of her was enjoying anything he physically did to her. This was rape, this wasn't sex, and she wanted him to know the difference.
She could feel the single tear that was rolling down her cheek and she wanted more than anything to be able to brush it away as quickly as possible so he couldn't see it. The fact that her arms were still tied made that impossible. He'd tried once to rape her after he'd untied her wrists from the bedposts but that had resulted in her acting in reflex and her fist connected sharply with his face. She could still remember the satisfaction she had felt the next day when he came to rape her again in retaliation. She still remembered how black his eye had been the next day. Even though he had cut her as a repayment, the scar still healing across her chest, it had been worth it. He never untied her to rape her again after that. It was good in a way, she thought. Being tied made it easier to talk herself out of fighting him everytime he came to rape her.
Heidi felt his breathing start to get laboured as he continued to move above her. She kept breathing, knowing then that for tonight he would soon be done. She would have survived another night and another rape.
"LOOK AT ME BITCH!" he suddenly yelled at her.
She took a deep breath and did as she was told. She knew that the more she complied now, the faster this would be over. She knew the routine. She knew what he wanted. He wanted to look her in the eye as he finished himself off. Heidi slowly turned her head and opened her eyes to face him. She looked into his cold brown eyes as he continued his assault of her body. The hardest part was trying to stop herself from spitting in his smug smirking face as he eyed her off with the sickest look she had ever seen. She gritted her teeth and mentally coached herself through it. She forced herself to maintain his eye contact for as long as was necessary. She hated the look on his face as he finished himself off, but if that's what it took to survive another night then she knew she had to do it.
Then, just like that, it was over. He was off her as soon as he was done. Heidi's face turned back to face the wall, her cheek on the mattress, in order to avoid the smirk, satisfied look on his face. Hearing his sighs of satisfaction were enough to make her blood boil, she didn't want visual indications of how satisfied he was. She could still feel the pain between her legs and she closed her eyes and tried to breath through it as she listened to his footsteps out of the warehouse. The pain between her legs started throbbing furiously and it made her wonder whether she was going to have to spend another night lying on blood stained sheets.
It was a couple of minutes before she heard the door to the warehouse open again and the footsteps start to get louder and louder as the person got closer. Heidi knew exactly who it was. Although it had been rape night, tonight was the other guy's night to watch her.
Heidi felt herself being lifted and opened her eyes. She hated that he too got to see her naked on nights like tonight but her body was so weak and sore from what she had just endured that she didn't have the strength to fight it. She knew he wasn't going to hurt her and his hands on her body were not there to touch her in a sick sexual way like the leader's did, but still. He carried her in complete silence across the warehouse towards the bathroom, like he did everytime his on-duty night coincided with the leader's need to sexually abuse her. On any of those nights, he never said a word. The next thing she knew she was being put back on the ground as he reached the bathroom. He gently placed her feet back on the ground inside the bathroom and then walked away and the door shut behind her. Heidi let out a sigh. Half of relief and half of exhaustion. She remained where she was as she turned to look to her left. Her clothes were right there on the floor next to the door as usual.
Heidi tentatively took a couple of steps towards the mirror infront of her. Her body was still completely naked. She could see each and every marking he had put on her. There were scars from his knife on her legs and her arms. She looked at the newly forming scar across her chest that ran inbetween her breasts. The bruises were everywhere. Black and blue covered her paler than usual skin. Then there were the strawberry coloured hickies that were scattered across her neck and some were even seen on her breasts. The brunette felt a single tear roll down her cheek. Her body had been ruined. She had been scarred forever. She felt so dirty, like his hands had left fingerprints all over her that would never fade.
She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and that lump rising in her throat and for the first time tonight she didn't care anymore. Sure the other guy was out there, but for now she was alone in this bathroom and she just didn't care anymore.
The tears kept falling and falling as she continued to look at the carnage across her body and tried to envision what her body had looked like before all this happened. Sobs started racking her body and for the first time she noticed just how thin she really was.
It was not surprising seeing as she had hardly eaten anything since she'd been taken here. Apart from the odd meal every couple of days and the water she'd made herself drink everytime she was granted bathroom time, she'd been practically starved. She had always been lean, especially because she'd gained her height from her father's side of the family, but her ribs had never been as visible as they were right now. Everytime she inhaled sharply before a sob she could clearly see her ribs protruding further through her skin. Her collarbones were practically jutting out of her skin they were that visible.
Heidi gritted her teeth as her breathing started to get harder and harder, and then she let it go. She just started screaming. Not just a single scream, but a long extended scream that continued as she started to clench her fists.
The first thing that caught her eye was the wooden chair opposite her. Without so much as even a second thought she picked it up and swung it as hard as she could against the bathtub. Everytime the wooden chair connected with something she felt the pain in her arms and her weak body, but she didn't care. She swung again and the wooden chair connected with the sink and then again it connected with the bathtub. Still not satisfied, she finally swung the chair as hard as she could, still screaming at the top of her lungs, against the mirror infront of her.
The mirror shattered into a thousand tiny pieces of glass that rained down on the bathroom floor infront of her. Not even stopping at the sound of shattering glass, Heidi continued to scream and swing the chair against the bathtub and the sink before the wooden chair itself broke. The wood snapped into smaller and smaller pieces the harder she swung and the more times the chair hit a porcelain surface.
Still screaming, Heidi started frantically looking around the room and her eyes landed on the windows that had been boarded up. Without thinking about what she was doing, she scrambled across the room, still completely naked. She immediately started clawing at the boards. Not sure whether she was actually looking for a way out or if she had actually just lost the plot. After having kept most of her frustration and emotions bottled up through the beatings, the cuttings and the rape, Heidi Orton had just lost it. She knew that there was so way she could get those wooden nails out of the wooden boards but she didn't care. She started frantically scratching and clawing the wooden boards. She couldn't even feel her fingers, let alone the pain in her fingertips. The only indication she got was that the more she clawed and scratching, the more blood started appearing on the wooden boards.
Suddenly Heidi heard the bathroom door open behind, but she didn't stop. Instead she continued to crawl and scratch and scream as she did so. Her fingers continued to bleed and she could see it, but she just didn't care.
It was obvious that it was the other guy at the door. It was also obvious that he had no idea what to do with the situation he'd just walked in on because there was a lapse in time between the time he opened the door and the time where he actually made contact with her. He had his sweatshirt in his hands and wrapped his arms around Heidi, attempting to separate her from the window and the wooden boards.
Heidi started kicking and screaming as the other guy lifted her up and attempted to take her across the bathroom towards the door.
"LET ME GO!" Heidi screamed as she tried to kick and hit any part of the other guy that she could.
He made it hard for her, though, as his grip around her was strong and included holding her arms tightly against her body.
"LET ME THE FUCK GO!" Heidi screamed again.
The other guy remained silent as he adjusted his grip on Heidi and practically had to carry her out of the bathroom.
Heidi continued to fight. She no longer trusted this man. She shouldn't have to start with. She had no reason to trust anyone here. They were the enemy. They were all keeping her here so she could be tortured and beaten and raped.
"LET ME GO!" Heidi screamed again as she fought against the man again.
The other guy suddenly lost his footing on a wooden floorboard and momentarily lost his grip around Heidi which she immediately capitalized on. Heidi wriggled her arms free of his grasp and then started hitting any part of him she could. The other guy tried to grab her arms again and turned her around to do so. He managed to capture one of her arms with his free hand but Heidi still had her other arm and hand free.
Heidi started hitting him and started to aim for his face. Knowing that was where she had turned her attention, the other guy ducked his head out of reach of her swinging arm. Heidi then started hitting any part of his upper body she could. Her hits became quicker and more frantic as she started screaming again. The other guy tried to turn her around in hopes that he could get better control of her in a different position. He tried to grab her around her shoulders but she wriggled free again and she then started ripping at his T-shirt. In the blur of her flying arms everywhere, Heidi grabbed what she thought was the man's T-shirt and ripped as hard as she could.
But it wasn't his T-shirt and she realized it as soon as she had it in her hand. It was his balaclava. That was it. The balaclava was off.
The man immediately released her and Heidi quickly turned around before he had a chance to shield his face from her view. That was when she froze. She took a couple of quick steps backwards away from him. Her arms went limp and her hand dropped the balaclava on the floor. She had been right. She knew his face. She had known him since she was a little girl. She knew exactly who he was.
A/N: Über awesome challenge for you readers – so listen up! If you can correctly guess the identity of 'the other guy' before I reveal it I will name one of the future My Daughter characters after YOU! It could be a baby, it could be an OC or someone else. So guess away – remember that there are clues as to who he is in previous chapters and I will hint that he definitely did appear in One Secret. Just put your guess in a review or you can PM me or you can tweet me: mrsbridgetorton.
Hope you liked this chapter – we are making progress into Heidi's kidnapping and more and more from now on is going to be revealed. Sorry that not much happened in this chapter but it was kinda necessary. READ & REVIEW PLEASE! Happy Guessing, Mrs Bridget Orton xxx