A/N: Sorry for the long wait. It seems that I have become stricken with... laziness? I don't think that's the right word, but then I don't its writer's block... I know where I'm going its just that I seem to sit in front of my laptop and it takes me a while to get my fingers to type... I guess, I'm just in a funk?

Anyways, still dealing with real life as well.

See you down below :P

His cold hand teased the zipper on his pants. Jacob tenses with anticipation as Edward kissed along his waist. He squirmed when Edward's lips reached his hip bone. He bit down hard on his bottom lip and inhaled deeply. Edward moved his hand away from his pants and up to his stomach. He wanted to sigh in disappointment, but held it back as Edward trailed his hand up his abs to his chest. He sighed then, but in content.

Edward chuckled.

"Do you like this?" Edward murmured against his skin.

Jacob didn't dare say anything and simply nodded. Edward chuckled once again and stopped with his teasing. He himself didn't really know what he was doing, but he was good at faking it. Unknowingly, he was using Jacob's thoughts as a guide.

Jacob peered down at him as Edward unbuckled his pants and pulled the zipper down. His erection was perfectly outlined against his briefs. Edward ran his hand along the length, softly, making Jacob bite down on his bottom lip. He slipped his finger under the his briefs and slid them down, freeing him. Jacob gasped as he felt Edward's cold hand on him. He immediately shivered at the sensation, but despite the chills he remained aroused. It almost seemed like his arousal intensified.

"I'm not too cold?" Edward questioned.

"Fine..." Jacob mumbled as his brain stopped functioning.

He only wanted one thing now and that was Edward's mouth on him. Edward quickly complied and the act jolted Jacob. He let out a throaty moan as Edward kissed the head and he licked his lips just as Edward swirled his tongue around the tip. He bit down on his bottom lip once again as Edward began to suck. Almost immediately Jacob fell back on the ground handing himself over to the sensation.

"I'm not going to last..." Jacob admitted embarrassed.

Instinctively Jacob's hand trailed down his stomach and into Edward's hair. His hand began to move along with Edward's head, but he didn't attempt to control the speed. He let Edward do it at his own pace. He began to moan and buck slightly against Edward's mouth.

"Is this okay..." Jacob breathed in an attempt to control his impending release.

"Yeah." Edward said and surprised Jacob by deep throating him effortlessly.

"Fuck... Fuck..." Jacob cursed as he gripped Edward's hair tighter.

Edward pulled away just as Jacob came. He continued to pump him until he was dry.

"That was awesome." Jacob said out of breath.

"So, I wasn't bad?" Edward asked with a smirk, but he could tell that it was a serious question.

"Awesome." Jacob repeated.

They both stayed quiet. Jacob couldn't believe what just had happened and he was still caught in the euphoria of it all.

"Jake, I see you're better." Billy said, when Edward and Jacob finally made their way home.

"Dad." Jacob said as he quickly embraced him in a hug.

"How you been?"

"Fine, but I still have to wear this cast though." Jacob complained.

"Dr. Cullen says that your fever has gone down and your healing should pick up."

"I know. How did you get here?" He asked

"Sue. She's outside chatting with Esme."

"That's nice. You staying for a while?"

"I just wanted to actually see you awake and not sleeping... We're heading over to Charlie's. He's having a rough time." Billy said solemnly.

"I can't imagine." Jacob sighed as his heart began to clench.

He had almost forgotten about Charlie. Of course he would be devastated over the loss of Bella...

"Don't do this to yourself Jacob." Edward said.

"Jake?" Billy questioned him.

"I... It's just... I..."

"This isn't your fault." Billy said sternly.

"I know that. It's just that... I was there..."

"So was I." Edward said.

"That's not the same. You were practically decapitated!" Jacob growled.

"And Victoria crushed you. There was nothing neither of us could have done!"

"Son, listen to Edward. Don't put this on yourself. The only person to blame here is that red head." Billy said

"I know." Jacob sighed.

"I think you should rest." Edward suggested.

"I'm not tired."

"You look tired." Billy said.

"Fine." Jacob said annoyed and stomped upstairs.

Even though Jacob felt fine, Edward and Billy could see how drained he looked. At the mention of Charlie he had gone paler, if possible. His eyes looked emptier. They knew that Jacob carried guilt, but Billy didn't understand why. To him, it was obviously clear that there should be no reason for Jacob to feel this way, but Edward understood. He carried that same guilt.

Edward decided to give him some space. He didn't visit him until later in the night.

Jacob hadn't rested at all. He had simply laid in bed and tossed around. He hated that he had practically been sent to his room. That's why when Edward walked in he ignored him.

"I'm sorry you feel like everyone is bossing you around, but we just care about you." Edward said eventually, taking a seat on the bed.

"I know." Jacob sighed, rolling to his side to face him. "I just hate that I've become like this. I don't understand my sudden depression... I just don't want to feel like this anymore."

He placed his hand over his heart where he felt his heart beat. He felt the tears coming.

"I hate that this cloud hangs over you... us." Edward said as he placed his hand over Jacob's.

"I want to stop feeling like this. Most days, I can't breathe and when I can... I feel guilty."

"I feel the same."

"I don't..."

"I do, trust me. I'm so glad that I get to see you everyday... Then I remember that Bella is never coming back and I feel guilty. I should be mourning her... and a part of me does, but not the way I should. She was my girlfriend. I loved her and I wanted to marry her... I wanted to keep her safe from my world and I couldn't even do that. I wish I could go back in time and change..."

"But then..." Jacob began to say, feeling hurt.

"I know, we wouldn't have met... As sick as it sounds, maybe this was all supposed to happen..."

"That can't be true... Bella's fate couldn't have been to die."

"I've always said that Bella's number was up the minute I met her... I wanted to kill her and instead I befriended her. She would have been killed in Port Angeles if I hadn't been around. Then James came along and Victoria, but none of that would have happened if she hadn't met me... Her number was truly up when she met me."

Jacob couldn't find anything to say. What could he possibly say? He didn't want to agree with the possibility that Bella's fate was to connect Edward and Jacob... and to only die herself in the end. He didn't want to believe that. He didn't want her death to be justified in any way. What happened to her was unfair and unwarranted.

"I'm not saying she had it coming!" Edward said appalled as he stood up.

"I want to mourn her... I know I sound so freaking bipolar, but I want to mourn her death properly."

"And you can..."

"I'm like you, I can't do it properly. When I start to miss her, let her go, I remember that I'm alive... and the same as you, I'm glad that I get to see you everyday. Then that makes me feel shity..."

"Survivor's guilt."

"It fucking sucks."

"We'll get through this. I promise." Edward said taking a seat again.

He leaned in and placed a kiss on Jacob's trembling lips. He wiped away the tears and pulled back, pressing his forehead against Jacob's.

"I'm glad you're alive." Jacob whispered, closing his eyes.

"When I saw you lying on the ground... I thought you were dead."

"I know."

"And when I found out otherwise, I couldn't be ripped away from your side. I was just so scared that you could still slip away... That I could lose you."

"I love you." Jacob whispered and this time it seemed more fitting.

Edward kissed him again. He pulled away with a smile on his face.

"Is it selfish of me to say that I enjoy hearing that from you?" Edward said and Jacob blushed.

"I won't say it anymore... I don't need to be feeding your ego."

"Don't be embarrassed."

"I'm not." Jacob protest as he pushed Edward aside so he could sit up. "Anyways, I'm hungry."

"Esme is making something at the moment."

"I'm fine now. She doesn't have to cook for me anymore."

"She enjoys it."

"Fine."

"So," Edward said as he moved over Jacob to sit next to him on the bed. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"What?"

"About Seth and Leah."

"I'm not going to start my own pack." Jacob said sternly, knowing what Edward was getting at.

"You already did. They can't really go back to Sam."

"I'll talk to Sam. He has to know that I didn't mean to do this purposely..."

"Jake, have more faith in yourself. I think you could be a good leader... It's not like you're taking them to war."

"Exactly, there is no point in me being their Alpha. They could be spending their time contributing to protecting our land, but they can't do that. Sam has to take them back."

"He can't take people back that don't want to be back."

"What am I going to do?" Jacob sighed, knowing that Edward was right.

There was no way that he would get Leah and Seth to go back with Sam. He was stuck with them whether he liked it or not.

"I think you should talk to Sam. Explain how everything happened and maybe you can work something out."

"I don't know. We've already had issues over this."

"When?" Edward asked surprised.

"When I first imprinted on you. He brought up the idea of working with you guys and I was so against it, that physically my alpha wolf was fighting against him. Of course, I backed down, but Sam had noticed it. He made it pretty clear that he wasn't going to give up his position... and I was okay with that. I didn't want it... and still don't. Now I have become an alpha and taken away Leah and Seth."

"You didn't do anything. Seth joined you unknowingly and well, Leah, chose to join you. You had no control over that."

"Exactly! Don't I have a say in this?" Jacob said frustrated. "I can barely keep it together for myself... How am I supposed to do it for them?"

"You won't know if you don't try."

"I just can't... not right now. Can I heal first and then deal with real life?" Jacob whined.

"You'll have to face it eventually..."

"I know. Just not today."

"Okay. I'll drop it."

"Good." Jacob said as he pecked Edward on the lips.

"Dinner is almost ready!" Esme yelled from downstairs.

"Smells like its ready." Jacob said as his mouth watered.

"Let's go." Edward said laughing as he pulled Jacob off the bed.

A/N: Hi guys! So, I have exciting news. Over my none updating, I got nominated for most promising slash story... Cool or what? It was honestly a shock to me. Anyways, I saw who I was up against and... I knew I didn't have a chance. I didn't bother with promoting it simply because I didn't have an update for your guys. It's okay though, just being nominated was awesome!

Then, I found out that I actually won 2nd place! Nothing could bring me down that day. To any of you who voted... Thank you! I really appreciate it and it only keeps me more motivated. You guys rock!

Anyways, I really hope to keep the time between updates shorter, but I don't promise anything. And I know this update is short, but the next one will make up for it ;P

As always, let me know what you think :) and for those who celebrate thanksgiving, I hope you guys had a good one!