This is for: Oheyyitzang =)
Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the song.
Feel the sunlight
Comin' through...
But I'm not ready
To wake up...
Lose this feelin'...
Light shears through, and your hand slips out of mine. "No!" I beg, reaching for it again. "I'm not ready to say goodbye!"
But you just turn and say with a smile, "Logie, I'm not leaving you, you'll see me when you wake up."
"But it's not the same!" I urge.
You just shake your head and turn to leave. I keep watching for as long as I can as my paradise leaves me.
Another night of dreams
A place where we can meet
Finally...
I can be myself with you
Tell you all the things
I want to do...
Sunlight have a heart...
Leave me in the dark...
A little longer...
The you that felt the same way, that loved me in that way; is gone now. For the time being at least.
I pull the covers over my head, not yet ready to meet the heartless sun that separated me from paradise. I am not ready to face real-world you.
"Logan," your voice calls, "Gustavo wants us at the studio early."
I forcibly drag myself out of bed, trying my best not to look you in the eyes; I blindly pick out some clothes and walk into the bathroom, closing the door slowly behind me.
Last night
We took a walk...
Down by the ocean
Darkness...
Hiding us away...
But the sky began to change...
And I was helpless
You were
Fading...
I can hardly focus and when Gustavo threatens me for a third time, you gently nudge me and I am pulled out of a daydream. You don't know it, but you pulled me out of remembering my...our paradise. We walked side by side, hand in hand, on a beach; pale orange and pink sky burns as the sun vanishes, the waves of a clear blue ocean crash and wash over the shore. We laugh and try to dodge its spraying water.
Then something happens, you turn to me, eyes flickering with an unreadable expression. Bright green gets darker and darker until it is practically black. Terror rises inside of me as it happens to the ocean, and the sky. Darkness begins to drown you, and I cry out and leap forward to help you, but something holds me back. Tears spring from my eyes and I scream once more as you fade from sight completely.
Nothing I could do but sigh
Meet you in my dreams
The next time...
Sunlight have a heart...
Leave me in the dark...
A little longer...
And I hate how that was shattered. Because now, every time I look at you, I see you being dragged down in darkness. I'll never be able to erase the way you looked, the way the sun burned into me once you were gone, teasingly reminding me it was the one to cause you to fade. I know that I'll see you again, and I shouldn't react as terribly as I always do when you disappear, but its. Just. So. Vivid.
I demand to the sun, that is temporarily shielded from my view, why? Why do you torture me like this? Can't you give me a break and let me be happy for once?
Maybe when the winter comes
Days and nights will blend into one
Cold December snow...
My voice is strained and tired as I attempt to sing. I am yelled at once more, and then we are all told to take the rest of the day off. They are high-fiving each other and running out as fast as they cab, but you stay back.
"Logie, are you okay?" You ask.
I'm not. I'm not okay, and I never will be, because you don't know. You just don't know. I'm tempted to say it too, but if I do, you'll be worried and will bother me until I explain myself. "Yes, I'm just tired," I say.
"Are you sure?"
I've heard it far too many times from you; in real life, and in dream land. "Yes." Without another word, I leave; staring at the ground, to upset to look into the sun.
It could be worse in Minnesota. Winter would have brought shortened days, shortened dreams. Maybe it was like that in LA too, I never would have noticed until now. So thank you very much. I begin to think of ways to make dream-you last forever. I could never wake up...I could do it. But if I did, real-you would be left heart broken...right? Because you don't feel the same way, so would you really truly feel heart broken? Well, only one way to figure that out. I return to the apartment and check to make sure no one is home.
I find what I am looking for in the drawer and pull it out. I take in a deep breath and I do it. That's when I hear your voice call my name. But you're too late. It falls from my hand and I collapse onto the cold kitchen floor and wait for my soul to sink into my virtue. My soul will finally be happy. I feel your presence and you crouch beside me, your voice asking questions, begging for me to be alive. My spirit is fighting now, my heart orders it to give up, and it does. I whisper my last words softly, "Leave me alone...A little longer..." You hear those words and stop the pleading, but the tears are still falling.
You carcass my cheek with one hand and croak out through a sob strangled voice, "I love you." But I don't hear you. I'm off, but not to dream land. To a place where things are what I make them.
Okay, I PROMISE the next one will be…oh wait, I can't promise the next one to be happy; it's a freaking installment to the "Don't Forget" saga...(sighs) oh well. Yeah...you can also check out my new Kogan fic I'm starting: "Landslide" if you want...doesn't start off on a positive note, but whatev, u kno...