It's been such a long time. I cannot express how sorry I am for the wait! I have not forgotten this story, and I promise that I am still working at it. I was having a hard time finding inspiration to write this story again, but I think I got my groove back. Thank you so much for being patient with me, and I hope you guys stick with me until the end! I promise you, it's going to get good.

Twenty One

"I want to see my dad."

Leah blinked over at me, her lips turning down slightly. We were still making our way back to Sam's house from the beach, and had been walking in relative silence until I'd spoken up.

"I should probably get you back to Sam's . . ." She said uncertainly. "The Alphas will want to give you the pack pep talk. Explain the basics, appoint you a teacher, you know."

I didn't know. And I really didn't care. This whole magical guard dog shit could wait. I wanted to talk to my father, wanted to ask him to his face how he'd had the balls to lie to me. Wanted to ask him why he thought so little of me that he could let me go through Changing into a monster alone.

Leah must have saw the fire in my eyes because she changed course with a small sigh, grasping onto my elbow and pulling me in the direction of her house without another word. It was a short walk. Her home was painted a bright yellow, the front porch dotted with flower pots. Not exactly a scene I'd associate with Leah. Not one I'd even associate with her mother, who was a hard ass long before Harry passed away. She was much more intimidating now; on the few occasions that I'd seen her in the past few years she was almost always glaring at one person or another, her stare sharp enough to cut through glass. Not many people tried Leah's patience on the Rez, but even fewer tried Mrs. Clearwater's. Suffice to say that I liked her.

Leah shouldered open her front door with another sigh, gesturing me to follow her through the living room filled with plush couches and grinning photos. I hadn't been in the Clearwater home in years, not since I was little and Pop would drag me along with him to watch baseball games and indulge in Harry's famous fish fry. We'd spend hours pigging out on greasy goodness, my dad and Harry yelling at the TV, Sue relatively ignoring the noise as she read one of her books, me wreaking havoc or being an intentional pest to my childhood crush; Seth.

I was always drawn to his bright, warm personality. I used to follow him around the house, throwing bits of bread or whatever I could get my hands on at him. He would never get angry or annoyed at me, just shoo me away with grudging amusement. I reveled in the instances in which his patience would run out and he'd come after me, and we'd wrestle and play fight all around the house - Me besting him in most of said matches, thank you very much. Sometimes I would bring Josh along with me, and when we weren't watching the game with the adults, or kicking each other's ass, we'd play outside; tracking animal prints in the woods or digging in the dirt for worms. Tris never came along; he'd never really liked Seth, though he never told us why. Leah was in her teens back then, too wrapped up in talking to either Sam or Emily on the phone to pay us much mind.

It hurt, thinking about how much had changed in just a few years.

Leah led me through the house to the back enclosed porch, where Old Quil and my dad sat together at a low table, a chessboard between them, their brows both furrowed in concentration. They didn't hear us when we stopped in the door.

My dad looked dead tired. There were deep, purple bags under his eyes, new wrinkles in his forehead. My resentment was forgotten for a moment as immediate concern took it's place. He looked like shit. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and with my newfound sense of smell I could scent that he hadn't showered recently either. Old Quil looked no better. He looked as if he'd lost weight, his worn sweater hanging off of him, his pants too baggy. His large, thick glasses slid down his nose.

I had to remind myself that I was pissed, and with just one thought back to the two weeks I spent writhing I could taste venom in my mouth again, waiting to be spit. My arms shook.

Leah cleared her throat.

Both old men looked up, Quil's eyes going wide behind his glasses like a fish. My dad looked as if he were going to be sick when our eyes met, his copper skin turning a sallow green, but he didn't say a word. I felt heat course hotter through my body the longer he sat there, saying nothing. The awkwardness stretched until I could take it no longer.

"What's up, pop?" I ground out.

He blinked a few times at me before clearing his throat. "Alex . . . how are you?"

I clenched my hands into fists. "I'm great. Not in mind numbing agony anymore, so that's awesome."

I saw him swallow, and was momentarily distracted by the movement of this Adam's apple. My eyesight seemed to have improved drastically since my Change, even when I wasn't a wolf. It was like I saw everything in super focus. It was distracting, and a little overwhelming.

"I . . . know you think that I betrayed you, but I did what I thought was-"

"Best?" I came out of my head with a growl. "You thought that-that leaving me in the dark was best. Leaving me alone?"

"We weren't permitted to tell you."

"Why not? By who? You're our people's Elders for Christ's sake, you're as far up on the damn totem as it gets!"

"It's against tradition." Old Quil spoke up in his gravelly voice. "It's the way it's always been."

I turned my glare on him. This man who banished his own son, faked said son's death, all because of who he chose to love. This man who'd lied to everyone, and let his own grandson believe for years that he had only his mother in the world. All because he was different from what was 'traditional'. I always knew that Old Quil was set in his ways, but this was a whole new level. I looked at him as if he were a roach crawling over my shoe.

"Tradition should never be the excuse for abandoning your family."

I was rewarded when the old man flinched.

Leah coughed.

"Let's all relax." She looked at me when I said it, though. "Let's take a few deep breathes, yeah?"

She was watching my hands. It wasn't until then that I noticed how bad they trembled, my fists turning into blurs at my sides. I inhaled deeply through my nose, willing back the fire that threatened to consume me, forcing down the rage that ran just under my skin. I swallowed down the growl in my throat and turned back to my father.

"I'm giving you one chance to explain yourself. What I am, what this means, and why you lied to me. All these years."

"You're a warrior, Alex." He ran a hand through his greying hair, his wedding band still gleaming on his finger. "You've been blessed with a gift that allows you to protect our people, to protect this land."

"A gift?" I said incredulously. "If turning into a gigantic dog is what you call a gift, then I seriously need to consider sending you to a home."

Old Quil huffed. "Insolent child. The men of our people have been proud to bear this blood, you should be grateful."

"And you should mind your own damn business, old man." I hissed at him. "Don't you have your own family issues to sort out?"

A vein bulged in his forehead, but he said nothing.

Wise of him.

I turned back to my father, taking note of the irritated look he shot Old Quil himself. Good to know we agreed on that at least. Then his eyes, identical to my own, finally returned to me with a deep sadness in them.

"You're right." He sighed after a beat. "I should have told you. I should have told you everything the minute your brother Phased."

"Did mom know?"

"Yes." A far away look came into his eyes. "But I never told her. No one in our generation ever Changed, because there were no vampires or other threats to our land then. But your mother . . . she always believed in the legends."

My heart clenched, and a fuzzy image of a smiling face flashed in my head.

"She would have told me." I said around the sudden lump in my throat.

My old man nodded. "She was always the better parent."

My eyes stung. I dashed a dirty arm across them, refusing to cry. I barely remembered my mother, but what I did recall of her was warm, and loving, and open. Things I hadn't felt from anyone but Mrs. Lake for years.

At the thought of my best friend's -ex best-friend's- mother my thoughts paused. Did she know about Old Quil? About her late husband being from one of the Elder families? I was positive she had no idea about what her son had been through recently. Had Tris tried to tell her at all? Would he lie to her like he'd done to me? Like my father and brother had done to me, and Sam to Josh? She deserved to know, even if she freaked the hell out, she fucking deserved to know.

"What about Mrs. Lake?"

"What about her?" Old Quil grumbled, only to avert his eyes when I sent him a glare hot enough to burn through steel.

I didn't even try to hide the growl that slipped past my lips.

My father cleared his throat, drawing my attention.

"She won't be told. This secret is strictly . . . need to know. Elders are the only ones to know, aside from the packs."

I scoffed. "She's technically an Elder by marriage, isn't she? She's an Ateara. She has a right to know what's happened to her son."

When both old men, and even Leah, gave me unconvinced looks I shook my head incredulously. How could they be okay with keeping their own people in the dark about something like this?

"What the hell is wrong with you people!" I tremble wracked my body. "She has a right to know, and she isn't the only one! Why the hell don't you think our people should know about this shit?! If the legends are true, and this is supposed to be some great honor, don't you think the rest of the families on the Rez deserve to know that their kid's might sprout a fucking tail!?"

My father flinched at my tone.

Old Quil just glared at me from behind his binoculars.

"It's the way things have always been, Alex." It was Leah who spoke. Her voice was beseeching, but the fire in her brown eyes told me that she didn't completely disagree with my yelled speech.

She placed a calming hand on my forearm, but I shook it away. I threw one last heated glare at the stoic Old Quil and my tired looking father before I turned and stormed back through the house. My limbs shook, my head hurt, and I was so damn pissed that my vision was turning hazy.

Only Leah was able to hear my mumbled, "Maybe it's time things changed." as I banged the front door open and stomped down the stairs.

0:0:0:0:0:

"You want me to do what?!"

I stared at Leah as if she had three heads, my arms crossed and hip cocked out in defiance. After my dramatic exit from the Clearwater home, Leah had quickly followed me out and convinced me to go back to Sam Uley's house. When I told her I didn't want to see anyone, she'd assured me that the guys at Sam's wouldn't bother us, that they were all either eating or asleep. We'd circled around the side of the house, going to the small clearing behind it without being disturbed. As we maneuvered amongst the roots and grass Leah told me that the rest of the packs were out running around the perimeter of La Push, keeping an eye out for vampires.

When the hell had my life become Van Helsing?

"I want you to Phase." Leah said, bringing me from imaginings of myself brandished with a crossbow and a fedora.

"People in Hell want ice water." I responded with a flippant shrug.

No way in hell was I doing that again. The pain of turning into a damn wolf hurt worse than the two weeks I'd spent not turning. A shiver ran through me at just the thought of that bone melting agony. Nope. Not happening

Leah ran a hand through her short hair. "You have to learn how to control the Change, Alex. I know you don't want to but-"

"Is it that obvious? Darn, I thought I was being subtle about my reluctance to shape shift into fucking Lassie."

"Alex." Leah's eyes flashed with impatience and all of my bitter sarcasm died on my lips. For a moment I was reminded that she wasn't just the girl I'd grown up watching, not just the older sister figure who'd dealt with my antics with grudging affection. She was a wolf too, and she was dangerous.

She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and pinching the bridge of her nose as she did so. When she opened them again she had control of herself.

"Sorry." She sighed. "I'm still working on my temper."

I nodded at her silently, following the weird feeling in my gut that was telling me to cut the shit.

"Could you just-just try. None of us wanted this, but we all had to learn. Being newly Turned comes with an almost constant anger if you haven't already noticed. Our emotions are heightened and can cause us to Change; fury, frustration, even sadness. You can either learn to control it now, or refuse and then Phase on your old man or some other completely oblivious person and hurt them. Possibly even kill them."

My eyes widened. "Is that how Emily got those scars?"

I never did find out how that'd happened. The official story was that she was mauled by a bear. Sam was never around for me to confirm it, and Josh had never worked up the nerve to ask his brother about it when he was.

Leah gave me a grim nod. "Sam lost his head for one second and Emily was too close. She's lucky to be breathing."

"Damn." I mumbled. "Life sucks."

"And then you die." Leah chuckled humorously. "Now chop chop, get to Changing Lassie."

I rolled my eyes but she ignored it, raising a brow at me expectantly. I let out a loud sigh through my nose and closed my eyes, clenching my fists as I tried to push the fire in my veins outward. I stayed that way for several minutes, my face twisted with effort, but nothing happened.

Then I heard Leah snort a laugh. "You look like you're about to shit yourself."

I shot her a glare. She slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to force back another chortle.

"Ahem. Sorry. Continue." She sat herself down on the wet grass.

I gave her one last look as she tried to muffle another snicker, then closed my eyes again. I took a deep breath, trying to block out everything but the fire zinging in my veins. Then Leah spoke.

Her voice had lost all of its playfulness.

"Do you feel that heat, that burning energy deep in your bones?" I nodded, my eyes still closed. "Focus it. Latch on to a strong emotion; anger, pain, sadness, grief. Use them as a sort of conduit, let those emotions guide the Change outward. Let yourself feel the things you're trying to suppress. Let them out, and the Change will follow."

"Do you always have to focus on negative emotions to Turn?" I mumbled.

I heard a smile in her voice. "Not once you get the hang of it. Once you learn how to control Phasing, you can do it at will, no depressing emotional inspiration needed."

I tried to do as she said. I had plenty of negative emotions swirling inside of me to chose from. Anger at my family, the painful memories of the past two weeks I spent wishing I was dead, the crushing loneliness I'd felt for so long. I latched onto anger, the easiest to deal with. They'd left me. Everyone always leaves. My mother, my father, my brother, my best friends. I started to pant, sweat beading on my brow. They lied. Everyone always fucking lies. They all knew what was happening to me. They smiled in my face, all the while knowing that I would turn into a monster. They disregarded me, left me to flail through the pain of Changing alone. How could they keep this from me? My fists clenched at my sides, shaking violently as I got lost in my fury. Why couldn't they just tell me? Did they think that little of me? Why couldn't they just be there. How could they all treat me the way they had? How could they-

The scorching in my veins suddenly exploded outward, and with a throbbing pang in my bones I was Phasing, my breath leaving me in a huff as I landed on all fours.

Leah was looking remorsefully at the scraps of clothes under my paws. "Dammit. I probably should have told you to strip first."

It didn't hurt as bad this time.

I tried to speak, but of course all that left me was a bunch of grumbles. I heard Leah congratulate me, but I got quickly distracted looking over myself. I was still fascinated by the caramel and cream colors splattering across my body, by the two toned tail swishing behind me. I turned in a tight circle, trying to get a better look at it. My long legs got tangled in one another and I toppled over myself and onto the grass. I was sure I looked silly but I didn't care, I heard Leah chuckling but I ignored her. Why was my fur so long and shaggy? When my brother and the backstabbers came after me their coats weren't nearly as fluffy as mine seemed to be. Why were my paws so big? Was I like a puppy? I raised a tentative paw and saw long, razor sharp claws resting just beneath my fur.

Badass. I grinned to myself.

"Alex, focus." Leah was smirking now. I turned my head up at her, my left ear flicking reflexively when she said my name. "Good job kid, that didn't take long at all."

Why didn't it hurt as bad this time?

Damn, I wished she could hear me. Did the the telepathy thing work when we weren't Phased?

No.

My mind blanked. I looked at Leah in question, and then all at once remembered that I wasn't alone in my head. There were two others that I had to share it with now when I was in this form.

Only when we're Phased at the same time. The voice said quietly.

It was weird, it was like Josh was right beside me. But I knew that he wasn't by the blurred flashes of trees I saw when I focused on his mental voice. He was running through the forest, and through his mind I could hear bits and pieces of other voices as well, directing him; the other wolves.

Fury shot through me hard and fast, my ears flattening against my head of their own accord. I didn't want to speak to either he or Tris, like ever. I didn't want shit to do with them at all, but if we were stuck like this I had no choice. I wished I could push them out of my head the way I'd done with the others, push them away like they'd done with me. At least this way they could understand just how much I hated them both.

You hate me now? I didn't want to feel his sadness, but I did.

"Alex." Leah pulled me out of my head again.

My first reaction was to respond verbally, but I caught myself. When my eyes focused on her again she continued.

"I want you to Turn back now."

How the hell am I supposed to do that?

You just-

Nobody is fucking asking you!

I growled, and Leah widened her eyes at me slightly.

Mind your own fucking business, Uley. This doesn't change anything. You and Lake are both still dead to me.

I felt more than heard him sigh. I turned back to Leah and still pissed, and feeling like an idiot, tilted my head at her like dogs did in those cute videos when they were confused. She understood.

"Try to slow your heart rate." She leaned back on her hands, looking up at me as she continued. "Take a deep breath, try to will yourself to relax. Imagine yourself, I don't know, zipping up in a jacket."

What?

She seemed to see my puzzlement, because she continued with a roll of her eyes. "Okay, you know when you've just come in from a cold day, and you're sweating under your coat and when you unzip yourself you feel so much better? You can imagine Phasing that way, letting the heat out. Now imagine zipping up the jacket, covering your fur and claws with skin."

That is the stupidest shit I have ever heard. I grumbled, and felt Josh's silent agreement.

"It's stupid I know, but just try it." She waited, and so I tried.

I used her stupid jacket metaphor, imagining my fur and fangs and claws being tucked in and zipped up inside of me, and felt a jolt of pain as my bones reshaped themselves again. I heard Josh's mumbled thought just before I was myself again.

I'll see you tonight, Alex.

And then I was human, and naked, and lying on wet grass. Leah looked pleased with herself. Before she could speak I sat up quickly, my hair a wild black tangle, not sparing a thought about my nudity.

"What's happening tonight?"

Leah closed her mouth, her look turning understanding.

"So that's what all the grumbling was about, you spoke to one of your boys?"

"They're not my boys!" I immediately snapped, fire racing down my spine.

"Whatever, relax." Leah rolled her eyes.

I plucked a leaf from my head, my anger leaving me just as quickly as it came. "Can I have some more clothes, now?"

Leah laughed. "There'd be no point. You have to Turn again."

"Yeah, how many more times are you going to make me do that?"

She rose with a sigh, stretching her arms over her head as she did.

"I'm not sure yet. This is the first time I've been allowed train a new wolf, I'm not exactly warm and welcoming. I'm kind of winging it."

I groaned and rose fluidly to my feet as well.

Leah laughed. "Aren't you the least bit embarrassed? You're ass naked."

"No." I crossed my arms under my chest and shrugged. "I never saw the point in being bashful."

"Jacob is sure to love that." She snorted. "Phase."

"What's happening tonight?"

"Council meeting. I'll brief you later. Phase, again. Now."

I bit down a growl, dropped my hands to my sides, and tried to imagine myself unzipping a stupid fucking jacket.

Next chapter we get the council meeting, and all of the wolves from both packs will be in attendance. It's gonna be a doozy. I appreciate all follows, favorites, and reviews, and thank you again for taking the time to read!