Author's Note: So, I was literally so giddy and over-whelmed by the response from the last chapter! You guys have no idea how happy I was by everyone's reaction - it certainly was a sigh of relief to hear that it went down so well. Hopefully this latest chapter is enjoyable too :)
Brace yourselves people, this is a chapter full of answers! Hopefully many questions will be answered, though no doubt more will be created too. Let me know what you think - any surprises? Did you guess them all? As always, I'll update ASAP and please feel free to leave a comment.
-Jemlou
Chapter Twenty One
Despite being undeniably beautiful to look at, I did come to realise that there were a number of flaws when it came to snow. The main one being that it was deathly cold.
Once we had returned to our bed chambers, Robb had immediately set about relighting the fire and it was only while I was stood waiting for heat to fill the room that I truly realised how cold I was feeling. My feet were the worst and I knew then that it was a bad idea to go trampling out in bare soles, so when Robb did eventually get the fire started, the first thing I did was pull up a chair and position my numbing toes before it. The fur robe I had been wearing was pulled tighter around my body and I watched out the corner of my eye as the King went to retrieve one of the other wooden chairs and position it in front of the warmth too. He sat down on it with a weary sigh and for the longest of times, neither of us spoke. The silence this time though was quite comforting.
I stared into the flames, feeling the weight of its warmth and relishing it while I could. It seemed the excitement of seeing snow had completely overpowered my other senses earlier though while I was feeling the brute force of the cold now, I still found myself smiling as I recalled the sights I had just witnessed. I couldn't quite think of a time before where a sight had struck me with so much awe and I knew that the books Shirei had read about snow in would not do it true justice. Of course I thought of my youngest sister then naturally; how surely happy she would have been should she had been able to see it herself and felt my mood dampen slightly as I wished she was here with me now to do so. Given her first letter though, I knew Shirei was happy enough even without the beauty of snow to bask in and I inwardly prayed that perhaps one day she would be able to come to Winterfell to visit. Hopefully with snow covering the ground too - the prospect made my smile emerge once again.
After warming up sufficiently enough and finding that soon the drowsiness returned, Robb bid it time to finally return to bed and I happily joined him. Still feeling a chill, I found myself crawling deep under the layers of furs and received a feeling of contentment when I eventually got myself comfortable. After shifting a little beside me, the King eventually settled too and in the sudden darkness, I studied his silhouette in the space next to mine for a moment. He was lying on his back, facing up at the canopy and after my eyes adjusted a little more, I realised that his eyes were still open. He didn't look troubled thankfully - there was no tension in his jaw or a pull in his brow. Instead his expression, or the side of it at least, looked reasonably content. He was thinking about something - that much was obvious - and I let my mind wander briefly over the possibilities before focusing solely on the moment we had just shared out in the snow.
Was he thinking about the kiss - if it could be called that - I wondered? It was obvious enough that I had taken the man by surprise with my actions but this was something to be expected, after all I had surprised myself too. What I was most relieved about was the fact that Robb did not appear to be disgusted or annoyed by the fact the kiss had occurred and other than his shock, he only seemed amused by it all. This was a good sign, surely? As it always did, my mind began to focus back on Talisa then and I wondered whether he was thinking about her now too. Perhaps he was comparing the two of us? Or maybe thinking of a better kiss with her? I would never know and before I could allow myself to become overwhelmed with such self-depravity, I quickly moved away from the thought of Talisa.
Now given the chance to, my own mind recounted the accidental kiss that had occurred and I almost inwardly cursed myself for my stupidity before I came to a revelation. I had not done anything wrong; it had been an accident after all and my intentions were for the good of our marriage. Besides, I then reasoned, Robb was my husband and there was nothing wrong with a wife kissing her husband. While the experience may have been awkward, clumsy and all round terrifying, it was something I found myself feeling quite happy now that it had occurred. I knew that braving affection with the man would still be a scary thing to overcome but now that I had accomplished what I believed to be a rather large leap, I knew that continuing would be far more easier. The ball had begun rolling and I vowed then to myself that I would make more of an effort now in the way of displaying affection towards the King, no matter how frightening the concept may have been.
At that thought, Robb suddenly turned his head towards me and I almost closed my eyes, ready to feign sleep, before forcing myself to be brave. His bright eyes met mine and for a moment, neither of us moved though I put it quickly down to the adjustment to the dark that our eyes needed to make. Eventually, Robb quirked up a small smile and I soon found myself beaming back, heart fluttering briefly in my chest.
"Go to sleep." He murmured then, his warm breath tickling my face as he spoke. I nodded at his soft command before shifting further into the fur that surrounded us, gaining what warmth I could. I could feel the heat from Robb's body next to mine but decided that I could not venture too close. The positions we now slept in were certainly a step up from the first few weeks of our marriage - where we would sleep as far away from one another as we could possibly get - but the thought of getting even closer was a little too awkward to bear. It wasn't just the intimacy that stopped me though, the idea of having my body pressed up against another - getting hot, clingy and all round invaded - made me feel a little uncomfortable and I knew it would not be a sleeping arrangement that I would find myself falling asleep in. No, while I may have vowed that the affection between Robb and I would increase, I knew it could still do so without hindering my rest.
Briefly my mind fixated on wondering what else I could do. Displaying such affection certainly wasn't an area that I held expertise in and after the accidental kiss, I knew I may have needed some extra guidance on the matter. When a single face came to mind - someone who was rather inept at aiding me with my troubles after so many years - I let out a quiet breath, not sure that I would like her reaction to what had gone on but knew I had to speak with her. I fell asleep that night quite peacefully, exhaustion overwhelming me, and with a single thought in my mind as I drifted off into my snow-focused dreams; Esma would know what to do.
When Esma arrived in the morning, I greeted the woman happily enough, feeling rather pleased by her presence. As she went about her normal routine tasks, I discretely observed my husband out the corner of my eye, judging how long it would take him to get ready and leave so I could speak with my handmaiden in private.
Of course, I would spending the next day - the third day since the attack - inside our bed chambers due to Hanna's orders which I found was a much harder task to handle now due to the snow-covered ground outside. It didn't help either that the first thing Esma thought to speak about was how beautiful she too believed the sight of snow to be, only making me yearn to leave the isolation of the chambers even more. I did not miss however the secret smile that pulled up Robb's lips when he heard her and my mind briefly whirled to the memories of the night before again before I focused my attention back of my handmaid. I agreed heartedly, though kept my responses minimum and was glad for the distraction that came with bathing - it provided privacy at least. I was further pleased when the King announced that he would be leaving for breakfast before assuring me that he would return at some point in the day to see how I was doing. I nodded, despite the man not being able to see me behind the dressing screen, before bidding him a good day. Soon enough, the sound of the chamber door closing was heard.
"Why do I sense something is amiss this morning?" Was the first question from Esma's lips and with a sigh, I spoke.
"Your senses are not deceiving you." I replied, scrubbing at my skin absently and listened for a moment as Esma paused in what she was doing.
"Has something happened?" She then asked, sounding quite concerned then. "I thought you and the King were getting along."
"We are." I conceded quickly, frowning to myself. "Though something did happen last night." After taking a deep breath and going over everything in my head once more, I proceeded to tell the woman about the night before - sparing no expense on details.
Esma was rather silent as I explained and I occupied myself with cleaning and then drying my body as I filled her in. Of course when I did finish, concluding that I wanted some advice as to how to progress next, I kept myself hidden behind the dressing screen, feeling a little nervous as to seeing my handmaid's reaction to what I had just told her. I could just imagine the pleased, grinning expression on her face at the tale and I ran a somewhat tired hand through my hair as I waited in the silence. It appeared Esma was thinking over what I had just relayed to her and I was in no hurry to rush her, feeling a little anxious as I thought about everything once more. When she did eventually speak, I could hear the smile in her voice.
"So, you are asking for my advice in how to become intimate with the King?" She teased and I drawled out a groan at the nature of her question. Giving up, I brought myself out from hiding and made my way over to sit by the fire, tucking my robe around me as I did and ignoring Esma's probing stare.
"Of sorts, I suppose." I sighed, crossing my legs over and letting my hand pet Grey Wind's fur for a moment as I considered my intentions once again. "Lady Catelyn spoke with me a few days ago about the necessity of producing an heir." Meeting Esma's eyes briefly, I saw that she did not look so surprised by this notion. "I've spoken about it with the King since but he tells me that he has no intention of forcing me to do anything I am not ready for, though I know that Lady Catelyn's and the council's patience won't last that long. I suppose I am a little stunted as to what to do right now." The amusement quickly dropped from the other woman's face then and she slowly laid the clothes she was currently readying me to wear down on the bed before striding over. She took the seat opposite me, thankfully not asking my permission to do so, and tilted her head towards me as she pursed her lips.
"You do not love the King." Esma began firstly, cutting rather to the point, and I shook my head once in answer to her statement. I liked the man well enough and I could not deny the attraction that was blooming inside of me, though I knew that like and love were too different concepts altogether. "But you do not need to love a man to lay with him, Ella." I grimaced at that, aware all too well by this notion - my own wedding night as an example of this.
"I know that." I muttered, wrangling my fingers together in agitation for a moment. "But the thought of it- the thought of going through all of that again-" I shook my head, cringing at the thought. The memories of the marriage's consummation were all too awkward and unbearable to go over - the pain I had felt, the uncomfortable way the King's body had engulfed mine, his hot breath, the discomfort from the movement of our bodies tangled together, him crying out her name. The thought of reliving those moments again was dreadful to say the least.
"It would be different this time." I couldn't help but snort at that - how in the world would she know, I almost asked. She had not had to go through what I had; the discomfort, the awkwardness, the pain. Still though, despite my bitter expression, Esma ploughed on. "It would! You no longer dislike one another now, do you? That is certainly going to change things for the better. And the attraction you have admitted feeling for the King; that is also something that will aid in your favour, Ella." Her lips pulled up then in a jesting smile as she leaned in slightly. "Perhaps you will enjoy it more the next time?" I breathed a chuckle, not even wanting to entertain the prospect of enjoying the ordeal right now. I was far too focused on simply getting to the point of doing it again, rather than my own experiences. "Like I said though, you do not need to love the man to produce his children. I have witnessed far too many marriages where children are born into a hateful situation - you have overcome that at least. You like one another now, anything that comes after is a surplus for you. Love can come afterwards." Esma grinned teasingly again. "Perhaps even the act of making love will aid in making you love one another?" At that, I let out a sigh.
"You continue to mock me." I murmured, smiling despite the grimace that wanted to break at the subject of the current conversation.
"I'm offering you my thoughts." She countered, lightly, before falling serious once more. "I agree with Lady Catelyn though, Ella; producing a child is necessary. Folk may believe that their Queen is baron given the time that has passed." I sighed again, shrugging.
"I may well be." I muttered, not sure I even wanted to consider that particular possibility just yet. "I know what needs to be done, Esma. It's just the thought of doing it that's a little frightening. And besides, I am not exactly sure how I even go about getting there, hence why I am asking for your aid." My handmaiden nodded in understanding.
"Well, to offer my opinion on the matter," I scoffed - has she not already done so? Esma smiled briefly before continuing. "I believe another factor that is stopping you - other than your lack of experience and uncertainty to brave an area unknown - is Lady Talisa's presence." I raised an eyebrow at that, not sure I had expected her to come back with that. Talisa's presence? Esma quickly continued, no doubt sensing my surprise. "Let me explain; while the King has not dishonoured you and I don't believe will do so, it seems to me that you still hold that guilt that you have contained since the start of your marriage with His Grace. You still feel that guilt for, as you believe, 'taking him from her' and it is hindering you now. With her presence here in Winterfell, I suppose this feeling is only amplified and is keeping you from truly engaging in anything further with the King." A pause. "Am I wrong?"
"No, I don't think you are." I admitted, wearily. My guilt towards Talisa had always been a constant throughout my marriage to Robb so it seemed only logical now that this guilt was now holding me back. That and my own inexperience, as Esma had pointed out.
"Then I encourage that you try and get over these feelings you have." She began once more. "Whether that be to speak with the King on the matter or Lady Catelyn or even Lady Talisa herself, you need to do something. This irrational guilt is holding you back from truly experiencing a relationship with His Grace and once you deal with it, then you can prosper." Esma paused then, letting out a breath as she gathered herself. I wondered briefly whether the woman had already considered the subject before as her responses now seemed more knowledgeable than what I was initially expecting. "The second thing that is holding you back - the fear - is something that is expected. I suppose it is something that everyone will experience when they first engage in intimacy with another, but I believe that you are quite capable of getting over that on your own."
"You have a lot of faith in me." I muttered, my mind already working to try and decide a way to 'get over' my feelings of guilt towards Talisa. At that, Esma chuckled happily.
"In all the time I have known you, Ella, you have always appeared to me as the strong, confident sort of woman." She told me then, a firmness in her tone as she spoke with a smile. "Despite all the leers and the attention from men, you have always remained cool and unshaken by any of their efforts. It was something I have rather admired you for as I saw many women around the Twins succumb to laying themselves out for those men or simply shy away in fear of what to do." I hummed in agreement, recalling plenty times where I had witnessed chamber maids and other women around the Twins either scuttle away by the mere caw of one of the soldiers or giggle in shrewd with one another. Most of my sisters were no different. "That being said, since we have come to Winterfell, I have seen a change in you. Despite my previous beliefs when it came to you and men, I have witnessed a number of times where in the presence of the King, you turn almost bashful and unsure of yourself. A complete contrast to what you were like with the Frey men." I frowned at that, not sure I liked the sound of this 'change' in me, finding that I cringed at the thought. Sure, I was aware that in Robb's presence, sometimes I did feel a little flustered and uncertain but this had not been fully highlighted until now. My mind began to wonder then; was I know like all those shy, giggling chamber maids who fawn at the mere sliver of attention? The prospect sickened me and I felt my face turn up at the thought.
"You think I have turned weak?" I all but demanded then, clear offence in my tone. Quickly, Esma rushed to correct herself.
"I did not mean it like that!" She assured me, still smiling despite the frown I was staring at her with. "I believe it is a good thing; after all, it would do no good to remain cool and unshaken in the face of all men, especially with those who are honourable and your own husband, after all. The fact that he has the capability to make you feel this way only proves to me that there is a chance of prosper in your future; a chance of love and happiness." I softened at her words, feeling less offended now as she explained her meaning. "Your behaviour proves that he is different from the rest, Ella."
"He is different." I murmured before I could help it, quickly looking away from Esma's pleased smile and turning my blazing gaze into the equally blazing fire.
"That being said, I do urge that you are careful, Ella." She continued then, tone serious once more. "While the King may be different than the likes of men you have encountered before, I still believe you should continue with caution to keep yourself from getting hurt." I nodded slowly, offering the woman a small smile of gratitude for the advice she had provided me with. "And do not forget yourself in the process." Another grin lit up Esma's face then and I found myself grinning back before I could help myself. "You would not want to turn out like your sisters now, would you?!" I didn't answer that, though chuckled heartedly instead in response and agreement. No, I certainly did not want to turn out like certain sisters.
It was not the first time and it certainly would not be the last, but I found myself very relieved then that Esma had joined me to the Winterfell. It was one of the many times I had wondered what I would truly do without her and I smiled at the steady warmth that flared in my chest as I took in the equally smiling expression from the woman across from me. My oldest and dearest friend.
Hanna arrived at my chambers shortly after Esma left for the day and I greeted the woman happily enough, despite my distaste towards her orders in keeping me shut in my room. As usual, she went over the normal routine of checking my wound and wrapping up my head, asking questions of how I was feeling as she did. I admitted that there had been a few times where I had felt a little disorientated if I stood to move somewhere or turned too quickly but other than that, I insisted that I was fine.
"Is it not a little foolish to keep me locked up here for so long?" I asked once she had finished, watching as Hanna tied away the bloodied bandages and medicines.
"You're not locked in here, your grace." Hanna reminded me, softly, casting a smile at me before gathering up her things, ready to depart again. "Though I do believe that another couple more days is required." I opened my mouth to speak, ready to declare how ridiculous that request was, before Hanna quickly continued. "These spells of disorientation you are having are what concern me, your grace, and is why I believe a little more rest is needed." A pause as Hanna smiled once more. "And besides, you are the Queen; it is certainly better to be cautious in times like this. A little more rest won't do you any harm." Despite still being unhappy by the idea, I resultantly agreed and watched wearily as Hanna took her leave, shutting the door behind her and leaving a lonely silence in the room with me. Glancing down at Grey Wind, who sat happily enough beside the fire, I let out a tired sigh before resigning myself to another day spent staring at the same four walls.
Time slowly drawled by and I found myself quite aware by the passing footsteps that would go by the door of my chambers, ears perking up and waiting for the glorious sound of someone coming to see me. Nothing happened for the longest of times and soon, I began to find myself almost going mad at the loneliness. I was so very relieved therefore when I eventually heard the sound of approaching footsteps come to a halt at the chamber door. My current position of laying beside Grey Wind on the floor had certainly left my back horribly cold and the prospect of a visitor gave me an excuse to get up - gave me something to do. Lady Dacey's soft murmurs - who I had not realised was there until then - could be heard from the other side and as I sat myself up, the door opened to reveal the expected sight of my husband. I offered a smile in greeting though it faded almost as instantly as it came when I caught sight of the blood-coated hand that he held rather tensely at his side.
"What happened?" I asked, quickly getting to my feet and succeeding in only making myself disorientated at the quick movement - the thing Hanna had been concerned about. Inwardly cursing, I grasped out at the chair closest, an attempt to steady myself but couldn't quite reach it. Quick enough though, I felt the pressure of another hand on my elbow before I found myself falling into a heap and I sighed in relief. I allowed the King's assistance to keep my balanced for a while and after a few dizzy moments, I let out a breath before looking up at the man with blinking eyes. "Thank you." Quickly, Robb's concern eased away and was replaced with a rigid look as he took a step back to provide me with some space. Taking in the grim expression on his face, I knew something was wrong and after studying him over, I turned my attention once more to what had initially concerned my in the first place. Hesitantly, I reached out towards the man's right hand, which was now under the inspection of Grey Wind as the beast began to sniff at it, with the intention of grasping it. I glanced up at Robb's face only once, not seeing any disapproval towards my actions, before I braved taking his hand with my both my own. Silently, the King allowed me to raise his hand up to my face for my own inspection and I frowned with shock at the sight of it close up.
There was a lot of blood, covering his palms, his fingertips and his knuckles - mostly his knuckles. It seemed strange to see it staining the King's usually clean skin and was an ugly burden, I found, to the man's marble image. It was a sickening sight though as I wondered then whether it was Robb's blood or another. Taking in the way his knuckles appeared to be split, with more blood slowly oozing out of them, I knew it was more likely the former. Or perhaps a mixture of both. With this revelation, I looked up at the King's icy stare, studying the hardened edges of his face and not shying away as the man merely stared wordlessly back. I didn't need to look hard enough to detect the clear anger in his eyes, that was trying to be concealed beneath the cool-blue colour but seeping through the longer I looked. His stone-like stance only further affirmed the emotion I could see and when I glanced down at his blood-less hand, I saw it clenched in a tight, white-knuckled fist. Swallowing thickly, I spoke once more.
"I can clean your hand, if you wish?" I suggested, my voice a lot quieter than I intended it to be. Robb said nothing in response but lowered his gaze and took a seat on the nearest chair to him. I took this as an affirmative and quickly moved to gather what supplies Hanna had left behind. As I filled the cleaning bowl with fresh water, I studied the blood that now stained my own hand - transference from Robb - and sighed quietly to myself. After placing the bowl, along with a cloth and some fresh bandages onto the table beside the silent King, I too took a seat. "I cannot say I really know what I'm doing," I admitted, trying a tight-lipped smile as I met Robb's gaze again. His silence and his rigidness was making me nervous - for a completely different reason now rather than the usual attraction. "But I've watched Hanna long enough to know how to clean a wound at least. That's all I can offer."
"That's fine." Robb murmured then, startling me with the hoarseness of his tone. With a weak smile, he held out his hand towards me and I took his bloodied fingers once more, wetting the cloth and beginning the action of cleaning away the stains. After a few moments, Robb sighed. "I went down to question the Bolton mutinists today." I couldn't help but stop immediately at this admittance, looking away from my task and up towards the King's stare once more. His emotionless tone certainly did not help in making me any less nervous. After giving his face the once over, I wet the cloth again and carried on cleaning his hand.
"What happened?" I asked, hesitantly, gathering by the sight of him before me now that it was nothing good.
"I was frustrated." He continued again. "Lord Brynden has been questioning them without progress so I thought it would be best to go and speak with them myself." The man paused then and I glanced up briefly to see his brow burrow as he gazed into the dull, red water that sat between us. Suddenly an almost snarl suddenly pulled up his lips. "It seemed they were waiting for me to come." I paused again, studying the man once more and taking in the rage that began to settle on his armoured shoulders. Soon enough, he met my gaze again and I took in the full force of his anger, finding that it took all I could not to shy away from the sight of it, despite it not being directed at me. When he eventually spoke again, the reason behind why Robb appeared as he did before me now made sense though the truth filled me with no assurances. "Ramsay Snow has Maege Mormont."
I knew my face displayed most of my shock and it took a very long time for the words to truly settle in. All at once, the fears that had been overwhelming the council for weeks now came true and I felt a shudder in my heart as I realised that there was no inch of a lie on my husband's face. My mind all at once began to whirl - with concern, with confusion, with fear. It was then that I felt the fear; fear for the woman's life. The stories that I had heard of the Boltons left me with a rather overactive imagination as I began to wonder then why they had her and what they would do to her now they did. I had never met the woman; never laid eyes on her; never uttered a word to her; and yet all I could think about now was Maege Mormont and her safety.
"Where?" I breathed, once I gathered my voice. "Why?" Robb looked over my face quickly then before letting out an agitated breath. As he took a moment to gather himself, I continued on with cleaning up his hand. My movements were slow now though and unfocused, my mind elsewhere now that I had been giving this horrible revelation.
"I don't know where; when I asked, they simply mocked me and said we would never find her." He muttered, voice full of fire and spite. "And it seems the reason why he has her is because they is aware of her position on my council. Whether they mean to interrogate her for information or use her as a ploy against me, I do not know. That was all they would tell me. I demanded more from them but they refused and-" With a tisk, he gestured to the hand I held in mine. "That was when this happened." That was when he beat them, I realised. I swallowed back the dryness of my throat then, saying nothing for a moment.
"Are they dead?" I questioned then, a little terrified by the response I would hear. Had he killed them? Robb's frost-like gaze met mine and he studied me with a edged frown, no doubt taking in my concern and fears all in one go, before eventually he sighed. I was overwhelmed with relief when he shook his head.
"No." He replied. "Lord Brynden stopped me before things went too far and sent me away to calm down. He said I should take a walk or vent out some anger in the training pen to calm down-" His words trailed off and the angrier he appeared to become. Gently, I squeezed the hand I held in both of mine, hoping to try and ease him back from such rage. It succeeded at the very least in halting his angered ramblings and quickly, Robb's shoulders slumped. "I came here." There was weight to his words and I studied his hunched figure silently for a moment, not sure what to make of everything right now. With the revelation of Maege Mormont's whereabouts, there was a cacophony of worries and fears in my own head but it was the state of my husband that instead took over my attention.
"What are we going to do?" I asked, quietly, not sure I was really expecting an answer. With a troubled look, Robb shook his head and I knew I wasn't about to gain a response. I found though that it didn't matter. Silently, I continued to wash his injured hand in the blood-coloured water before drying it and then moving onto to wrapping his knuckles up carefully in the bandages Hanna had left. There was a clear weight in the air between us, filled with fear and concern that I knew could not be tamed no matter how many words were shared between us. The tension in the King's shoulders never ceased throughout my work and it wasn't until after I had finished dressing his hand that Robb spoke again.
"I've never felt this much anger before." He confided suddenly, voice quiet as he stared down at the engravings of wood on the table surface before him. I was about to move away to empty out the dirtied water in the cleaning bowl, but decided against it once I heard him speak and instead remained seated. Listening. "Not even when I found out about my father; about what that Lannister prick did to him and my sisters. I was more upset then - helpless - but now-" Robb cut himself off, face twisting to a consorted look of rage. "It's like something is burning inside of me, raging and just so uncontrollable." He rested a hand against his throat at that, eyes glazed as he spoke. I didn't need his words to tell me that he was seething though hearing them confirmed my own perceptions anyway. "Everything - not just Maege Mormont - has just been building up and I-" A pause. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this; any of this." Again, he trailed off in a voice like a murmur now and I felt the burn of empathy as I studied his angered and yet also defeated demeanour. There was nothing that I could do or say to help and instead, I remained silent, acting as an impartial listener to the heart-felt words my husband spoke to me now. After a few moments though, Robb appeared to remember that I was also in the room too and suddenly his eyes jumped back to look into mine. They widened slightly, almost like he was surprised that he had told me what he had, but after another moment his body relaxed a little. Clenching his fists, the man sighed. "Can you talk about something?" A little surprised, I raised an eyebrow.
"What about?" I asked, gently and he shook his head.
"Anything; nothing; just something, please." He muttered, running an agitated hand through his unruly curls. "I need to take my mind off it all right now."
"Alright." I breathed, taking a moment to think about what to say. Something easy, something trivial. When I caught sight of Grey Wind's lingering form, the beast's concern clear as he sat with his attention focused pointedly at Robb, I found a smile slowly ease onto my face as I recalled what I had put him through earlier that day. "I don't think Grey Wind is very happy with me right now." I admitted, keeping my tone light. Robb did not say anything to that, those his tense features peeked with curiosity. "I have run out of things to do while I'm stuck in here, so today I decided to see if Grey Wind would look nice in one of my gowns." I found myself rather pleased when the King let out a weak chuckle at that, his eyes turning to his direwolf - who was unfortunately not wearing the dress anymore.
"And did he?" Robb asked, a strain to his tone. I sighed, shrugging then.
"He didn't fit in it so I couldn't find out." I told him, reaching out to pet the beast in question and chuckled when Grey Wind ducked his head from my touch. "It seems he is still sulking with me." The King quirked his lips up briefly when I met his gaze then and I was happy further when I saw some of the tension that previously weighed heavy on his shoulders, dispatch a little. Quickly, I continued on with my ramblings.
Doing as Robb bided, I continued to tell him about my day in a hope to take his mind off of other troubles. It helped me too, succeeding in turning my own troubled thoughts away from Maege Mormont and the revelation of her location, instead forcing me to focus on aiding my husband. After he provided some weak sympathy for the 'ordeal' Grey Wind had endured, I went on to tell Robb then about some of the sights I had seen from the window. None of which were very exciting, though I did raise a smile to the man's lips once again when I relayed seeing one of his soldiers fall on the icy ground outside, quipping that I was glad that it was not just me who had a tendency to be clumsy. Another sight I spoke about was that of a group of children I had watched playing in the snow. One of the little, red-headed girls looked like little Graycie from the Keep though I was too high up to be sure. I told Robb about the games I had watched them playing; one of them involving the children gathering up handfuls of snow before launching them at each other. In response, the King informed me that I had witnessed my first snowball fight, reminding me of the story he had previously told me about himself and his siblings engaging in one.
"Once I am allowed to leave this room, could you teach me how to play?" I enquired then, turning to the man opposite me. Vaguely, I realised that his eyes had not once left my face during my tales and ramblings but I did not allow my mind to focus too much on this fact. I was pleased enough to see that his fists had slowly unclenched and his jaw had become a little slacker now - a sure accomplishment, I found. I was helping, even if it was only a little, at least.
"I do not believe there is much skill to it." Robb admitted then, lips quirked up slightly as he tilted his head. "But aye, I can show you. I'm sure Rickon and Arya would love to help too." With this promise, I beamed at the man in gratitude before turning away to decide what else I could talk about to distract him.
After running out of stuff to tell him in regards to my day, I then turned to asking the man some questions. They were still easy - still trivial - and though Robb appeared initially confused by the randomness of them, he happily provided some answers. 'What is your favourite colour'; green or grey, he had told me. Green because it was his House colour and also because it reminded him of the outdoors; of the forests and the trees that he and his brothers loved to play in when they were younger. When I asked him why he liked grey, Robb replied that he wasn't sure but that he liked the silvery shine of a blade and the sleek-like nature of the colour in general. He admitted further that the main reason why he had chosen Grey Wind to be his direwolf out of the rest of his litter was due to the colour of his fur and the beast in question groaned at that, as if sensing he was being talked about. I was a little surprised when the King turned the question around on me then, asking what my favourite colour was, and I found myself taking a pause at that as I considered it.
"Blue." I eventually announced, Robb's eyebrow raising at my response. "I like the calming feel of it; it feels peaceful almost to me. And I suppose living on a river probably had something to do with it too." My husband's returning grin was instantaneous.
The next question that came to mind was 'what is your favourite food' and I found myself laughing when Robb quickly muttered 'not lemon cakes'. He confided then that having been forced to eat them throughout his entire childhood, either by his mother or his sister, Sansa, the thought of having another now was rather sickening. Amused, I pointed out that he was happy enough to take one from me when I had offered him a piece back at the Twins all that time ago and the man simply replied that he was 'too polite' to refuse though pulled a face at the thought. When the question was reversed, I smiled in return when I told him that my favourite was a special soup that Esma would make me when I was sick. Intrigued, Robb asked what was in the soup to make it so 'special' but I could only shrug in reply. I had asked my handmaid plenty of times throughout my childhood what was in it, though the woman was adamant not to tell me - she liked the secret apparently.
"I shall have to ask her to make you some." I told the King then. "Perhaps you will do a better job at guessing the ingredients than I?" He nodded quickly, the curiosity still peeking up his slightly rigid features.
The questions continued on some more, all of a similar variety and I was happy enough as I witnessed the tension slowly but surely ease from his body. While I knew things were not exactly fine, I could still take accomplishment from the fact that I appeared to have succeeded in taking my husband's mind from the current problems. Given the angered state he was previously in, I was not surprised that Robb had wished to think of something else and I knew that if he had not, then perhaps it may have resulted in the man venting his anger out in a more physical way - his bloodied hand being a large example. Vaguely, I wondered if the table or dressing screen had been saved from damage due to my efforts.
"Thank you." Robb murmured after a while, sighing deeply to himself and cutting through my trail of thought as I was about to ask him another random question. Tilting my head, I felt a frown tug down my lips.
"For what?" I asked, a little unsure. With a weak smile, the man raised his newly bandaged hand in response.
"For this." He told me before gesturing in the space of air between us. "And for this." Quickly understanding his meaning, I felt a sudden warmth to his words - even more pleased by my efforts now I had gained his gratitude. It seemed I was good for some things at least.
"It was nothing." Despite my words, the gleam in Robb's eyes then provided a contrast. It was something.
When the familiar young boy - the letter boy, as I deemed fit to call him - came knocking on the chamber door on the fourth day during my recovery period, I greeted him with a rather jovial spirit. My head was feeling much better but with Hanna's and Robb's insistence, I still remained confined to the bed chambers for another day and I knew the reclusion was wearing thin on me. The sight of a handful of letters therefore, which were all addressed to me, was certainly something to be happy about as it was a nice distraction from my usual activities of lying on the bed, attempting to braid plaits into Grey Wind's fur or staring idly out the window at passers-by, wishing that I could join them once more and keeping my mind from focusing on the new revelation of Maege Mormont's whereabouts that was occupying the King and council's time right then.
There were three letters in total and after glancing at the penmanship on each, the grin on my face could not be contained. They were from my sisters; all of them. Shirei, Roslin and Waldra.
I started off with Shirei's and found that all my expectations of what she would reply with were correct upon reading the script on the first parchment. As last time, it seemed Rae had accompanied the young girl when she wrote the letter to me as the writing was impeccably neat and without mistakes - which I would have expected from my youngest sister. She spoke of her love for the pictures I had provided for her, with the urgency that I send her some more so she could place them on her wall with the rest of her drawings. She spoke of the Blackwood's daughter, Bethany, and it seemed the pair were getting along quite swimmingly and went into great detail about the two of them attempting to bake some bread and cakes in the castle's kitchens late one past evening. They were caught, of course, but Shirei seemed far too joyous by the fact that her attempt at baking had not gone too drastically to care. There was little mention of her betrothed, Hoster, apart from the brief 'he's nice' which I found was better than nothing. Overall, Shirei's reply had me smiling and my heart warming at the thought of my youngest sister and her new adventures. Reading her words and hearing her voice in my head brought back the void that came with her absence, but quickly it was replayed with the joy I felt from hearing that she was happy. While I may not have gotten to see her anymore, I could be happy with the knowledge that she was being treated well and she was happy at Raventree Hall. It was all I could have asked for after all.
Next, I moved onto Roslin's as I knew I wanted to saviour Waldra's until last.
It started off pleasant enough, with offerings of good will and asking how I was doing in Winterfell before moving onto the true heart of the correspondence. A little wary, I found myself hesitating slightly as I read on, fearful that she would reject Robb's and my proposal. After the time it had apparently taken to convince Lord Edmure and with Roslin as the only clear choice as his bride, I had almost forgotten about the possibility that my sister would also refuse and send the plan crashing. I began to worry briefly then what would happen if she did - try and convince her; pick another sister and hope that Lord Edmure would be happy with a second choice? It seemed though, that I had nothing to fear as when I read the words 'I am rather taken back by this sudden offer but quite thrilled at the prospect' I knew that things would be alright. Roslin spoke of her surprise but also how honoured she felt to have been chosen first - and by the King and Queen no less; a comment that made me grimace slightly. She spoke further about how the prospect of marrying Lord Edmure was rather exciting as she had heard many great things about the man before she went on, ridding some of the forced pleasantries, to ask me what I thought of him. Had I met him? Did I truly believed him to be a good man? Would she like him? I could sense some self-preservation in her words though there did not appear to be any distaste or distain for the idea. Instead, Roslin appeared to be wary - and it was right she should be - about the thought of marrying a man she had never met and who had never met her. When I read 'what if he does not like me, Miriella?', I heard a soft sigh escape my lips. Of course, my shy sister was worried about what Lord Edmure thought of her and I smiled slightly when I realised that once the man saw my sister in all her pretty complexion, he truly would be happy with the idea of marrying her. I could only hope that Roslin believed Lord Edmure was worth the match too.
After coming to the steady conclusion that Roslin was willing to the match - making note to inform Robb that he could now ask my father's permission - I turned my attention to the second question I had asked my sister; why Waldra was not replying to me. Of course, given the fact my oldest sister's reply now sat on the table before me, it seemed rather pointless to read Roslin's reply but I carried on anyway. When I did come to her answer, I found the smile slipping from my lips slowly.
I do not believe it is my place to answer your questions in regards to Waldra as it should be her to tell you. However, she has informed me that she will be sending a reply to you along with my own so you should have received it now anyway. Hopefully she will provide the explanation you require and I apologise for not being able to offer one myself; I just do not believe it is my place, Miriella. That being said, I have something that I must ask of you once you have read Waldra's letter and learn the truth yourself. I worry for Waldra at the moment, sister, and I am sure you will understand why soon enough. She will not speak to me or anyone else from what I can gather and this concerns me. The brief times I have seen her around the Twins, she looks almost ill in health though I cannot say if this is simply just my imagination or the strain of her new situation. She is isolating herself from all those around her and I fear that the only person who would have been able to get through to her right now would have been you. I am not sure if it is me that is over-worrying but after what happened at the King's Ball, I cannot ease my worries. Please tell me what to do? Can you offer some guidance please, dear Miriella?
Roslin's letter hung loosely between my fingertips and once I had finished, I found myself glancing rather warily up at the unopened letter on the table top. Roslin's worries had created some of my own now - more on top of the ones I already had - as I began to wonder what in the world she was talking about. Gingerly, I placed her letter aside with Shirei's before turning my full attention to the remaining one, feeling too afraid to even open it. Thinking about the current standing of things, with the recent trouble of Lady Maege's abduction, I feared for the weight of even more bad news. Perhaps it was simply Roslin over-worrying? Knowing Waldra and Roslin as I did, I knew that the pair had rather startling opposites when it came to their own concerns and trifles. Perhaps something that concerned Roslin was by no means concerning for Waldra? Somehow though, deep inside the pit of my stomach, I knew this wasn't the case. Letting out a short breath, I ripped open the seal on Waldra's letter and braved reading it.
Dear Miriella
I shall start by saying that I am ashamed, dear sister. I am ashamed for a number of reasons and one of them being the tardiness of this letter. I do apologise; I should have replied sooner as I know how much you would have worried during the wait. I was aware of this and it was selfish of me to put it off. Truth be told however, a lot has changed since you left the Twins and replying to you was not initially the first thing I have concerned myself with over the passing months. What has changed though is the second thing I am rather ashamed of but I know that you, as my dearest sister and as my new Queen, deserve the truth. So I shall give it to you.
Our fears came true in the end, Miriella; as I had expected and as I hoped and prayed they wouldn't. I am no longer Waldra Frey anymore, just as you are no longer Miriella Frey - though I do find however that the name Stark is much more appealing than Fenn. Did you know Ser Quentyn's full birth name is Quentyn Fenn? Neither did I though I suppose there are quite a lot of things I did not know previously about my new husband until now. Father announced the match no longer than a week after Shirei's departure and we were married the next week following. It wasn't a very large ceremony - certainly not as extravagant as yours, my dear - but it was another excuse to host a Frey party so Father's men were happy enough. It was a shame that neither you nor Shirei could attend, though also I suppose it was a blessing too. I hated every minute of it and I find myself sympathising with you now, Miriella, as I saw how miserable you seemed on your wedding day too. As expected, my new husband made a complete fool of himself and proceeded to spend the day drowning himself in alcohol until he was no longer stable to walk. He was not truly hindered though - he still found enough coherence to make it to the consummation unfortunately, despite all the ale and wine I forced him to drink. I suppose once upon a time the thought of laying with Ser Quentyn would have been a very exciting prospect and yet the reality is not quite the same. He is very much a demanding lover - a title that sounds far too sentimental for the wretched man - even with only one fully working arm and I suppose it will come no surprise to you when I tell you that I am expecting his child. I knew it was bound to happen, the amount the man feels the need to throw himself on me. Can you imagine - me as a mother? Me as a wife is hard enough to swallow but I know that I am not the dutiful, doting wife that we women are expected to be. I have moved in with Ser Quentyn now - Father provided us with one of the grander suites in the North Tower though there is talk of us moving away from the Twins altogether. I cannot say either prospect thrills me as both mean I will be living with my oaf of a husband though I suppose it is a fact that I can longer escape anymore.
You have the truth now. I, your eldest sister, am now married to the man who attempted to rape you and I am also carrying his child - which might as well be a demon - inside of me. I loath myself right now, Miriella. There has not been one second of this marriage where I have not looked upon myself and found nothing be disgust. When I found out I was with child, I almost drank the tea potion to be rid of it but found I could not do so in the end - the child has done no wrong after all. That being said though, how could I love it? How can I love something that is part of him? It sickens me to think that right now as I write to you, the thing is inside me now and soon will be screaming and wailing and will be all as demanding for my attention as its father is. Oh what a life I have before me now.
I know I sound bitter but I did not want to coddle you, sister. You have the truth as you rightfully deserve and all I ask now is that you do not mourn for me. I don't want pity, just as I know you wouldn't. This is how it is now and nothing will change that.
The rest of Waldra's letter was a mixture of her asking how I was doing as well as some of her attempts of jest and teasing, though I found that nothing of it sank in. After reading the first half, after learning the truth, nothing else seemed to matter anymore. There was a seriously loud ringing in my ears and for the longest of times, I just sat there with Waldra's letter in hand with the words staring up at me from the parchment. After so long, after waiting for an answer from her, now that I finally knew the truth I scarcely knew what to do with it.
Waldra was married. To Ser Quentyn - to the vile man who had tried to rape me - and was carrying his child. Her bitterness was expected but it practically oozed out of the paper. I could detect her anger but also her own desperation towards the entire situation. While Waldra may put on a front, I could imagine how alone she truly felt right now. Roslin's own worries only made the whole thing worse and once the revelation eventually set in, a new emotion rose within me. Anger.
I could not tell how long I was sat there for; minutes, hours? But I never once moved from my position, sat still on the wooden chair with the letter in hand and the slow crackling fire burning in the background. Absently I heard Grey Wind whine, no doubt concerned about my motionlessness but I remained rigid. It was only when I heard the sound of the door open, followed by the sounds of Grey Wind's pattering feet and the door closing again that I felt my fingers twitch with movement. I did not raise my gaze to look at the person but I knew full well who it was.
"Miriella?" Robb asked, clear concern in his voice. I noted vaguely that the man had just come back from his council meeting in regards to Maege Mormont - something I had wanted to attend but was prohibited from doing so. Absently, I cursed the King and Hanna once more for not letting me do so, but otherwise did not react to the new presence in the room. Grey Wind whined again. "What's wrong?" I said nothing, my eyes flaring as I continued to stare down at the page before me. The King's approaching footsteps could be heard to my left and I vaguely caught sight of his looming figure at my side. The chair he then sat on creaked under his weight and I felt my face burn with the heat of his probing stare. Without a word, I held out the letter in my hand towards him, all but thrusting it in his face and once he had taken it carefully from my grasp with his still-bandaged hand, I was up on my feet. Feeling the burn of frustration and overwhelming force of my anger, I began to pace wordlessly about the room with my fists clenched and a rigid stance. Robb read Waldra's letter silently.
The anger I was feeling was hard to explain or understand. Logically it didn't seem right for me to be angry at Waldra, but I was. Angry at her for keeping all of this from me; angry at her attitude to it all; angry at her for finding herself in such a situation. Had she fought for it? Had she truly stood up towards Father to prevent this marriage from happening or had she simply stood by idly and allowed herself to be forced into the match? Despite what had happened with Ser Quentyn and I, I knew that my sister must have still held some feelings for the man and I wondered if she had been blinded by her feelings once again. Had she maybe thought things would be different once they were married? Had she entertained the childish notion that he would somehow turn to love her after the vows were made? My thoughts were bitter now but I could not prevent them, not as this new revelation had begun to sink in. Waldra was married and pregnant. It was a thought I couldn't quite fathom. The Waldra I knew had always deterred from the thought of marriage and children - just as she had said in her letter - happy enough with her own independence and the freedom to do and say what she pleased. How had all of this changed so quickly? Why had she given up?
When Walder Frey's face came to mind then, I gritted my teeth as I thought of the man I unfortunately called my father. He had been the one to arrange this match, too occupied by his own vile nature and greed to truly care about the feelings of his own kin. He had chosen Ser Quentyn over his daughters and now Waldra had to pay the price for his uncaring-self. While my bitterness was directed to my sister, I knew I could not blame her. I was angry at her in the most illogical way but it was really our father that should take the full brute of the rage. Recalling how he had reacted when finding out his beloved soldier had attacked me, I knew it shouldn't have been a surprise to find that he would do this when given the chance. Of course, I could just imagine the buttery words that Ser Quentyn had fed him with too, the bastard too cowardly to face his punishment like the man he pretended to be. No, instead he had taken the easy way out and manipulated the feelings he was aware my sister had for him to gain an advantage. After everything. The injustice was sickening.
"Miriella?" I shifted at the sound of my husband's voice, eyes flicking towards his general direction before returning to the point I had been devouring in the wall opposite. I could feel Robb's gaze roaming over my own rigid figure now.
"I hate him." I eventually grounded out, teeth gritting as I felt my insides flare at this sudden heated revelation.
"Your father?" Robb guessed, not sounding surprised. "Or Ser Quentyn?"
"Both." I scoffed, my fingertips biting against the palm of my hands as I tightened up my already well-bounded fists. "How is this fair?" To the side of me, I heard a weary sigh followed by the groaning of wood.
"It's not; your sister deserves better." Despite his attempts of assurance, my husband's words fell straight through me, their meaning lost within the sudden roar in my head.
"How is it possible for a man to love and choose a leering, disgraced knight over his own children?" I muttered, my thoughts heavy now as I felt the long-time-coming build up of anger that I felt in regards to my father. He may have been the only father I had ever known and I may still love him - in a bent and twisted sort of way - though the level of despise I also felt from him was so very clear to me now. "What is so wrong with us to make him cast us all aside so easily?" I heard the creaking of more wood then, along with the approach of footsteps before Robb spoke once more. This time though, he sounded closer.
"Nothing is wrong with you-"
"Of course there is!" I cried before I could help it. "All our lives he has sought out to place us second best before his own fancies, treating us like we were nothing but hindrances to him. The only time he actually cared was when you came along and that was only because he wanted to show us off before a King!" Wild-eyed, I looked briefly to the man at my side to see a look of both patience and concern. "We were nothing but objects to be used and passed on when he pleased; he does not love us. Heck, he didn't even care about us enough to marry us off young when he should of done - instead he let us wait until you came to the crossing!" There was a sound of almost desperation in my tone now and as the words came tumbling out, each pierced rather painfully into a space in my chest. "His own daughter is almost raped and all the evidence is put before him, yet he still chooses to side against me. Now he forces Waldra into an undeserving, distasteful marriage to that same man because he cannot bear for his favourite knight to fall to ruin! Why?! Why has he done this?" Still flaring, I raged on before I could stop myself, directing the blunt end of my anger now at Robb. His resolve never wavered. "How is someone so cruel? Is he so blind to his own carelessness or does he honestly just take pleasure in causing such torment to those he is supposed to love and care for?"
Again, Robb said nothing, merely stared down at me, almost waiting for something to happen. I recalled his own words then, his expression of rage; something burning inside, uncontrollable. I realised then what my husband had been talking about and bitterly I could see that the roles had been reversed now between us. There was a horrible burn in my chest, an overwhelming ball of emotions just pounding in my head as I seethed and raged. My body had completely tensed up, almost in the way of defence as I let the revelations and feelings sink in. I hated feeling like this, I decided quickly. Overwhelmed, powerless, almost chaotic. Recalling the memories of my rage-filled, bloodied-knuckled husband from the day before, I knew it was not a place I wanted to be. Never before had I felt quite like this and all too quickly, I wanted it to go away. I tried to gather what control I could then, urging myself to calm down before I slowly began to relax my tense muscles. I could not lose control.
However, the heightening peek of emotion came to a rather crashing end, one that I found I was not quite ready for. Instead of feeling the overwhelm of anger now, I now felt the complete opposite. Fear; worry; upset. The words that had been piercing my heart came to have their true effect then; my father did not love us, he sought to cause us pain and now that nature of his true self had caused Waldra such unbelievable torment that I didn't know how to fix. She didn't deserve this. Tears drowned my eyes before I could help it, my limbs weakening and body aching once the ember of rage finally blew out. Once the first sob broke free, I knew there was no stopping the rest and I felt myself collapse forward as my knees gave out. If it wasn't for the quick reaction of my husband, I knew I would have landed in a heap on the floor.
"Let it out." Robb murmured softly over the shakes of my crying. His strong arms had managed to engulf my body easily enough, pulling me face first into the wall of his chest and closing me in without a way of escape. He had never embraced me before, not so readily and not so eagerly and yet I found that I didn't have the effort to think about this fact. I needed the comfort then, the reassurance Robb's presence brought and just the mere fact that he was there when I needed someone. The heavy feeling in my chest was just sinking deeper and deeper as I thought of Waldra's predicament - the despair she was probably feeling and the fact I was so powerless to help. I began to weep for her. Vaguely, I heard my sobs grow louder and instantly, I felt the pressure of Robb's head as he placed a soothing kiss against my hair. His hold did not weaken and in fact, despite the complete fool I was making of myself no doubt, only grew tighter. "It's alright; I've got you."
In my agony, I could be glad for his anchor.
It had been a crippling few days, one that had provided far more tears and blood than there had been almost the duration of the King's and my marriage. When Hanna came to announce the next day that I was fit to leave the confinements of my room, I was glad for it but there something niggling inside of me that prevented me from truly feeling happy for the freedom.
The council meetings in regards to Maege Mormont's abduction had been rather heated, according to Robb. There had been demands for the Bolton prisoners' heads - no doubt from Greatjon, though my husband refused to tell me - as well as bitter dismissals of Lady Maege's survival - again, I guessed was Lord Umber - which of course led to further uproar at the pessimism. It was decided eventually that Robb would write to Lord Beric Dondarrion of the Brotherhood without Banners and urge an update on the Brotherhood's tracking of Ramsay Snow. As Lady Catelyn had once informed me, the Brotherhood were an outlaw group working to protect the small folk during the war. While then it was against the Lannisters, now they currently sought to protect against the Bolton mutinists across the North and had agreed to aid Robb in this movement. Seeking the Brotherhood's guidance for this matter seemed the best course of action and correspondences were sent off immediately in hope of progressing on Maege Mormont's whereabouts.
Robb had also written a letter to my father, asking the man for his permission to wed Roslin to Edmure Tully in exchange for the match between Arya and my brother, Waldron. With my other brother, Olyvar's, previous assurances and the logic of Robb's offer, I knew it was more than likely that Walder Frey would accept the match. It wasn't that issue that my mind was occupied with as I watched my husband forge out the request on parchment, it was the match that had already occurred that played heavily on my worries. I had asked Robb if there was anything that we could do to break off Waldra's marriage, my words bitter as they left my lips. In response, my husband had only regarded me softly and informed me that 'nothing could be done'. While I didn't want to believe it, I knew he was right and given the other troubles going on in the North currently, I knew the dealings of an unfortunate marriage was not something that was all that important in the state of things, no matter how much pain it had caused both Waldra and myself. I soon decided to leave the matter aside, focusing instead on replying to Roslin and offering what aid I could that would help. It was something, at least.
As all of this was going on, I could still feel the weight of Esma's words hounding me where I went. While the state of Robb's and my marriage may not have been very high up there in importance either, it was something that I had to deal with daily and was therefore unavoidable. Esma's urgency to 'get over' my feelings of guilt in regards to Talisa irked continuously in the back of my mind as I debated how to approach this. I almost decided to take the matter with Robb and offer up how I was feeling, but I knew deep down that it wouldn't be enough to stop it all. It soon became prevalent to me what I needed to do; I did need to speak to someone about it but it was not the King that I needed.
Lady Dacey was not at all happy when my first decision after leaving my bed chambers was to go and see Talisa Maegyr. The woman practically seethed at the thought, demanding that I think it all through before declaring once again that the Volantis healer was 'bad news'. In response, I kept firm to my request and insisted that I needed to speak with Talisa about both personal and business matters, telling her about my suspicions of the supplies that I had seen the woman take from the Keep as well as her strange answers when I tried asking her about them during my recovery. While Lady Dacey may have come across a little smug to hear that Talisa was affirming her own reputation and doing wrong, the Mormont woman eventually gave in to my demands and soon we found ourselves making our way to the Guest House.
Once leaving the main Keep and we went about making our way across the courtyard to our desired location, I couldn't help but revel for a moment in the snow-covered Winterfell. Seeing it from my window hadn't given it as much justice and I took my time now as we walked across the blanketed cobbles, eyes fleeting as they tried to take in as much of the wonderful sights as I could. There were a number of children still playing in the snow, throwing clumps of it at one another and squealing in sheer delight as some took chase. It was a beautiful sight to see and I watched silently for a few moments, Lady Dacey waiting patiently at my side. I thought of Robb's promise then to allow me to engage in my first snowball fight and hoped that it was a promise he would stick to. Right now, with everything going on, I knew that we certainly needed some light to take our minds from it all and even though it would only be a fleeting moment, I knew we would both welcome it all the same. Silently, I made note to bring the matter up with both Rickon and Arya during mealtime as I knew the pair would eagerly jump at the idea. With that thought in mind, I continued on my way again and soon enough, we eventually concluded our journey.
A guard greeted us at the door, stepping aside to let us past and allowing us in from the cold air. Recalling the way to Talisa's designated chambers from last time, I led the way there now with Lady Dacey quick at my heels. I didn't want to allow myself to think too much about what I was going to say to the woman - having spent so much time cooped up inside my bed chambers with nothing but a direwolf and my thoughts, I was confident enough to think I had already thought enough on the subject - and instead focused on remembering the right room. When we eventually came to it, I paused to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my raising nerves before nodding once. It would be fine. Lady Dacey knocked.
The sound of clattering could be immediately heard from inside the room, as well as the quick shifting of furniture and clinking of bottles against one another. I listened for a moment to the scuffling sounds from within, glancing up at Lady Dacey's hardened face to see a deep frown etching its way onto her features. She didn't look back at me and instead made a point of glaring quite harshly into the wood of the door. I took another deep breath, contemplating things for a moment as we waited for Talisa to greet us. When nothing happened, Lady Dacey let out a tusking breath of her own before knocking again, this time louder and firmer. The pause inside the room made me feel anxious, though appeared to only make my guard more frustrated.
"I'll be just a moment!" Talisa's voice suddenly called from within and the following sounds of clinking glass raised my curiosity again as I thought of the supplies I had seen the woman take from the Keep. They had been bottles made from glass, I pondered absently, before I frowned further in confusion to the obvious suspicion that began to arouse inside of me. When a sudden, strange smell caught my sinuses, one that had me pausing as I let it simmer, I began to wonder what in the world Talisa was doing in there. Eyeing Lady Dacey once more, I watched as she too caught a hint of the smell before suddenly something flared in the woman's expression. Not looking for an order from me, the woman without a word or warning, stormed into the room.
The occupant of the room, who had previously been hovered over the small table, jumped back in shock upon Lady Dacey's appearance, clearly stepping back with wide eyes as she regarded the woman in almost fear. From my lingered place in the doorway, I glanced only briefly at Talisa before my attention focused on the table she had previously been stood at. As expected, there were an array of various bottles and medicines, all of which I recognised from the Keep's store room, as well as a few other objects that looked rather strange to me. It seemed like the Volantis healer had - perhaps not now, but at some point - been boiling something, given the sight of the pot over the fire and there was an odd scattering of what looked to be herbs and other essences across the table top. Along with more strange-looking tools and basins, it seemed only clear to me now that the woman had been trying to make something with all of these supplies and when Robb's off-handed comment of poison came to mind, I found a fleeting of fear in my chest.
"What is this?" I demanded, quietly, not sparing a glance at Talisa as I kept my eyes roaming over the collection before me. Lady Dacey then, still clearly fuming, strode slowly over to the table and my gaze flicked up at the woman to see her eyes focused solely on something on it. Once she had reached it, she grasped hold of a small cup before raising it up to her face. After taking a silent study of the contents, Lady Dacey took a sniff and instantly grimaced back.
Immediately, a darkness overpowered the woman's expression as her eyes flicked up to the third, silent presence in the room. Lady Dacey's expression grew accusing then and the way she let her attention study the Volantis woman was that of pure judging. I wasn't sure what to make of it but knew in my heart that it was nothing good. It was then that I finally looked at Talisa myself - properly this time - and in horror, I quickly realised what had brought on such a reaction from my guard.
Ever since I had set eyes on the woman, I had grown used to seeing her dress in all things loose-fitted. It was something that I was used to seeing in the Keep as many of the female healers there also preferred to wear gowns that provided a lot more flexibility. Hanna did and I had always believed Talisa was no different. Now though, her healers robe was gone and instead, only the simple under-gown was worn over Talisa's figure, one that was much tighter and much less concealing than her usual attire. Her state was dishevelled as she took in both Lady Dacey's and my probing stares and while I caught sight of her pleading expression when I briefly met her gaze, I found that it only made everything all that much worse.
There, blaring out to me in a horrifically obvious way was what could have honestly been part of my nightmares. It seemed that this week of revelations had not quite come to an end yet and I wondered absently, how in the world I would be able to cope with this. How would we all cope with this? I felt a sudden overwhelming feeling of disorientation then though I knew in my heart it was not from my head wound. No, instead it was from the blow before me now, one that I wanted more than everything to remain unseen. I wished then I had never came to seek Talisa out; I wished I had never come looking for answers to questions I didn't realise until now, that I didn't want to know. Though there was no unseeing this now and no matter how much Talisa tried to hide it by pulling at the fabric of her dress, there was no concealing her growing middle and what it cushioned within. There was no hiding this secret now.
Talisa Maegyr was with child.