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Warning: Please be advised, this fiction is rated M for mature. Breaking Trinity contains graphic language and explicit descriptions of sexual acts including some terms/scenarios that may be offensive to those with sensitive natures. Please adhere to age/state guidelines when viewing any content in this fiction. If you are opposed to strong/inappropriate language with religious overtones it is advised you read no further.
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Thank you!
A/N1: I beg you please, read every last word of the A/N2!! Seriously!
~~~)(~~~
Chapter 20: Because the Night...
*
BPOV
Jessica wasn't coming.
I got the call five minutes after she was supposed to be here. Her father felt the roads were unsafe. With the recent melt and the scant rain we received earlier in the day--the Pacific Northwest was hit by a cold snap.
That which had washed off--had frozen to ice on the asphalt.
What would that mean for…
No. Stop it--right now. Don't you dare think about him.
I checked on my broccoli-cheese-potato--casserole I was preparing for Jessica's non-existent arrival and shuddered softly--with my arms wrapped around myself.
Why did it feel like my chest had a huge and gaping hole in its center?
Damn the weather and damn Edward Cullen.
I busied myself around the house. If idle hands were the devil's playground then none of hell's minions were coming for me tonight.
I folded laundry while another set washed. I dusted and swept and vacuumed.
I even cleaned my room.
Finally the over bearing scent of perfume--from the bottle I had broken over my bed in the early hours of the morning--was starting to dissolve. At the time, I would've done anything, in my insanity, to free myself from the scent that awed and owned me.
Edward's scent. The memory of how we had christened my bed.
I fought back the visuals that flooded my mind, my shaking hand gripping the dust cloth as I carefully maneuvered around my room like a robot.
I lifted my cell phone to look for the message that would say--due to the condition of the roads--Edward wasn't coming. I could hardly expect him to travel in this weather for a talk I really wasn't prepared for.
A part of me just wanted to see him--to know he was alright. The stunt he pulled in Biology had me shaken up. For all of his intensity--his passion--he looked like he had finally just given up.
That was what I wanted, wasn't it? To see him breaking?
I felt the sting of tears prick my eyes.
Edward had hurt me. Why should I give a shit about his aura of defeat? He deserved it! Look what he had done to me--to his unsuspecting girlfriend!
He is a monster.
I rubbed my gauze covered hand against my eyes and reached for the window--parting it from its mate with a groan. I needed air. My bedroom needed to breathe. I wanted all traces of Edward gone from my world--banished like the lascivious demon he was.
But I couldn't fight this feeling--this inane knowledge that we---well, we belonged…
Stop it! Stop it now or you'll go crazy!
I promised myself I would only check my cell phone one more time. With whatever decency Edward Cullen had left in his body--he had to send me a message that he wasn't going to make it tonight.
Nothing.
I set my phone down and let it continue to charge.
I had to find a way to keep myself busy. It was only eight-o-clock but it felt like the night was never going to end.
So, I did what any sane person would do. I called to check on my dad. Charlie answered on the third ring and told me the roads were bad. He said he had spoken to Mr. Stanley and knew that Jess wasn't coming over--there had already been too many accidents on the road to risk two lives for something as simple as studying.
I made him promise me he would be safe. Charlie swore on his life he was going to be just fine. And I believed him.
No matter how messed up the situation was at home--with my restriction and the answers to questions I wasn't ready to give my dad, if anything happened to him I would never forgive myself.
I made sure to tell Charlie that I loved him. That I was sorry I was such a disappointment. My words hung heavy in the virtual air between us until my dad finally said something almost too profound.
You're a good kid, Bells. I couldn't ask for better--I know it's not easy being a teenager and being in a new school but remember, I love you, kiddo. Don't go down the wrong paths--I have too much faith in you for that kind of crap.
Charlie was a good man. And even if we didn't see eye to eye--even if I couldn't give him the information he wanted on why I had lied to him and what my involvement with Edward Cullen was--I still respected him. I still loved him.
I was still sorry I was such a disappointment to him.
Maybe there was something to be said for being on restriction. It sure as hell gave me plenty of time to think and I had only been locked into vacancy for a few hours.
With a heavy sigh, I decided to call my mom. Renee knew--the second she heard my voice--that something was wrong. What was I supposed to tell her?
So I kept the conversation light. I feigned tiredness and anxiety from the change over of Phoenix to Forks. I know Renee didn't buy it but she let me have my moment, for whatever it was worth.
I locked up the downstairs when our conversation was done. It was already after nine and I decided--since the house was clean and dinner for tomorrow was prepared--I had no recourse left but to study.
I killed the lights downstairs and walked up to my room. Before I delved into my books, I grabbed my pajamas and headed to the bathroom. Charlie wasn't due to be home till morning, so after I changed I decided to unwrap my hand and let the self-inflicted wounds breathe.
I washed the area thoroughly, wincing slightly as I worked the skin of my knuckles gently with soap and water. The scabbing didn't lift--that was a good sign. Maybe it would mend itself together if I took the time to give it just a little extra attention.
I reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out the first aid cream, sighing as the antibiotic ointment soaked into the reddened area with almost thirsty tenacity. I attended my other, more basic needs and drew my hair up into a pony tail.
Once I was fully seated in my room, I glared at my cell phone. The LED light wasn't flashing--and that meant no new messages. But I would be damned if I didn't want to race over to where my cell charged--just to double check it.
No. Be Strong.
And Fuck Edward Cullen for not having the decency to even text me to tell me how he was homebound with the ice and the roads and the damn weather conditions.
Maybe he was with his girlfriend, Tanya.
I mumbled under my breath and flopped down on my bed. With every last drop of irritation and unresolved anger--I tore open my Psychology book and brought my pen to my lips. I chewed against the black cap slowly--still seething--still hurt.
Yes, hurt. I knew a part of me wanted to see him—even if I wasn't ready to.
Knock.
What the hell? Where did that come from? Did I miss something being in the bathroom so long with the water in the sink running?
My eyes bolted open and widened. The pen dropped from my mouth as I looked around the room--completely taken aback by the sound.
Knock. Knock.
Sun. Sand.
Edward. The scent of him was coming at me--through my partially opened bedroom window.
Oh. Shit.
My book dropped from my lap as I jumped up, my eyes on the parted portal. He was here. Very real, very in the moment--and very much in the flesh.
Edward's hand reached to push my window back in the very moment I mimicked the action, both of us trying to further shift the portal open at the same time.
Oh my God.
His eyes met mine--verdant green and shimmering with emerald brilliance. It took my breath away.
I backed up, sputtering my breath as he passed through the window, like a ghost transubstantiating into my world. But he was real---so very, incredibly real.
"Edward." I was breathless as he easily shifted and rolled up to his full height before me. My fingers clutched against my throat.
I felt faint. Overwhelmed.
"What--what are you doing here?"
"I told you I would come for you." His voice was breathy and low. His eyes held mine and I could feel the agony burn me--it made me want to reach out and press myself against him.
"The roads," I gasped weakly. I didn't know if I had the strength left in me to fight the pull I felt to him. God help me.
"Nothing will stop me. Not anymore." Edward slowly withdrew his coat, letting it fall onto my floor without even a glance as to its whereabouts. "Not even Tanya--it's over. I'm here to confess my sins Bella--I'm here to claim what's mine."
I couldn't think straight.
"Edward--I'm not…." I let out a breathless cry as he took a step closer. I felt the pull--magnetic and electric--gliding between us.
"You are mine." Everything about him was pure intensity. His piercing green eyes held me with an almost clandestine desire. "I can't be away from you Bella--tell me you don't feel it? This fucking pull that makes me need you--desperate to fucking touch you. Please Bella---please, let me touch you."
"We can't." I felt the fog of his scent, his nearness descend on me. It was too much. The pull. The fire. Need--anger--pain.
"It hurts to be even this far away from you," he groaned, taking another step closer. My body shivered--No--we couldn't do this. We shouldn't even be here--this was a bad idea.
But I couldn't….stop myself…
I didn't have the strength to stay away from Edward Cullen anymore.
"Why--tell me why---I don't understand this need to be near you," I said even as I backed away, almost afraid of admitting the truth aloud.
Edward was right and I knew it.
He approached me slowly and my eyes widened with confusion, anger and lust and--the need to have answers.
"I don't know--but I'm done questioning it." He reached for me and I tried desperately to keep my wits about me. Don't give in to it, Bella.
It all happened so fast.
Edward reached for me and in one single moment--the electricity of his touch brought down every wall I had built.
I wanted to cry--in anger at myself. Anger at him. Why couldn't I fight this?
His arms encircled me, drawing me in tight to his body--wrapping around me in an almost vice-like hold. My nose pressed to the line of his shoulder.
I was overcome.
Sun. Sand. Edward's leathery musk.
Relief.
"Fuck," he growled, burying himself in my hair. I could feel his lips move against the strands. "This is where you are meant to be--never a God damn step further."
I wanted to sob---to scream and tear my eyes out at the sweet ecstasy that swirled through me when I was pressed into his body this way. But I could feel all of the anger was still present-- flaming through me--desperate to break free like a beast thrashing into the bars of its cage.
I was so weak.
**
EPOV
I fought with the duality of my very nature.
For her.
I ached for Bella--to touch her and bring her pleasure. But here in my arms--that wound around her like steel, I knew I could not have her until she accepted me. I could not taste her until I had confessed my sins.
She was my absolution.
There was much to say--I didn't know where to begin.
"Bella," I whispered against her hair, refusing to let her move an inch from my body. Fuck, she felt so good against me. "I need to tell you everything. I need to get it all out and in the open--now. Fuck, I don't know if I can control myself long enough."
I was brutally honest. When she moaned in response to me, I wanted to throw her on the bed and rip off her God damn flannel pajamas. I felt like I had to wrestle with my dick--spiritually--to prevent it from actually happening.
"Try," she whimpered and I could hear her taking hits off of my scent. She was so fucking ready to receive me.
"I will. Damn me to hell--I will," I growled and I could smell her heat rising in response. Wet Wildflowers. Jesus-H-Christ.
Hold it steady, Cullen.
My hands roamed up her back until my fingers could feel the edge of her shoulders--right to the fucking edge of the mark I had left on her. My Mark. "Bella," I started and it was the hardest God damn thing to find a way to form my feelings into words.
I just wasn't built that way.
So, I started again. With my hands sliding down and clutching against her back I held her to me--raging fucking hard-on and all.
We had to do this--we had to talk.
"Bella--I used to be a real shit of a guy. I mean that--I was fucking before I was really old enough to be doing it--drinking--partying. When my family lived in Seattle, I used to drain the bottles in the liquor cabinet and fucking replace them with water." I took a heavy pull of her scent into me.
Fuck, she smelled so good.
I groaned and tightened my hold on my girl.
My hips arched against her--I couldn't fucking help it. And that fucking moan that met my dick when I collided with her torso--fuck, it tested my will.
Focus, Cullen.
"I was fifteen, Bella---and Tanya was visiting just after her parents died in a wreck in Alaska. Fucking-black-ice and a guard rail that didn't hold." I ran my nose from her hair down toward her neck. I needed more.
Tangerine. Honey. Wet-Wildflowers.
Fuck, my girl wanted me.
Stay strong, Cullen. Blow this and you blow your chance--for good...
"Our families have been--family--forever. Like, all the way back before Emm was born. Shit, Tanya's sisters Irina, Carmen and Kate were already in school when Alice and I were born." I arched against her slowly. Fuck, I couldn't help myself.
"Edward," Bella whimpered and I could feel her trying to pull away from me.
"No, listen to me--you fucking have to!" I growled and tightened my hold on her. I felt her nose against my shirt--dragging in frantic scents of me.
I skimmed my lips along the edge of her delicate ear. I couldn't stop myself when my tongue darted against the curvaceous flesh there.
Her whimper almost destroyed me.
"One night, Bella--after her parents died, Tanya came to the house to stay with our family. We were so fucking bored that I started slipping her some of my drinks--and we stole my father's car." I could feel my girl's breath on the skin of my neck.
Fuck, I was barely holding on.
"I took her to a party--and even at fifteen--I had chicks throwing themselves at me. I fucked some random girl in the back room while Tanya waited for me--drinking just as God damn heavy as I was." I took the lobe of her ear between my teeth and tugged softly.
Bella mewled and pressed herself into me. Fuck.
"She was bored and pissed off--she wanted to go back to the house. I told her I was alright to drive." Bella's hands slid against my shirt--I could feel her nails beneath the material.
"But I wasn't alright, Bella. I was wrecked--and she started talking all fucking philosophical--like she could be the girl for me. Like she could stop me from becoming Emmett when he ran with gangs in Seattle--"
"Emmett--ran with gangs?" Bella asked, slowly pulling back.
For the first time in minutes--my eyes met with hers. Chocolate brown. Dark pools so deep I could fucking drown in them.
"Yeah--we lived in the city and he fell in with the wrong crowd. My father Carlisle was always working and my mother Esme did her best to keep us in line. But we are fucking stubborn." Her eyes--I could see myself reflected in my Bella's eyes.
I wasn't a monster. I was a man on the edge--fighting for the only thing that fucking mattered.
"Emm started running with the gangs and got in a shit load of trouble--that's the reason we moved to Forks. To get away from that Big-city influence, as my mother says." I pressed my hands along her spine and felt Bella melt to my touch.
"Go on," she encouraged. I could see confliction in her eyes. But her scent--fuck me--her scent was right on the God damn money.
Want. Need. I could almost taste her.
"I drove home from the party--shit faced as I was--and Tanya was talking all this shit and started jerking me off while I was gassing it down the road." I felt Bella tense but I held her to me, refusing to let go. "I hit a tree--on the passenger side. She almost fucking died."
It still fucking hurt me to think about it. To remember it. But I wouldn't take my eyes off Bella--no, she needed to see me bare.
"I stayed by her bedside--I even-fucking-prayed. I promised God and Buddha and the Dali-fucking-Llama--that I would do right by her. If Tanya woke up--I would make a change in my life and do the fucking right thing. And she did. Bella--she woke up and I thought my fucking prayers were answered."
I leaned in and took another hit off of her scent. God-damn. I had to focus.
"I bartered my life for hers. And I tried--I thought I could love her and I mean I did--but like family. We had grown up together, in a sense. But--she and I were never compatible, as much as I tried. And for the last year and a half I've been living a lie---dying inside to keep my promises. Don't you see Bella--I was never fucking in love with her--I was trying to do what's right--trying to make my parents love and trust me again--trying to keep my word."
"You cheated on her--your promises--they were bullshit." Bella cut me to the bone when she said it because it was so God damn true.
"I knew that the moment I met you--when I couldn't stay away at that party in Port. I even tried to lock myself away from you--but you found me…and it was fucking right. So fucking right."
There I was--open, exposed and vulnerable.
"Edward," Bella whimpered, trying once more to pull away from me. I could feel her shivering in my arms--her intoxicating aroma destroying me.
"Let me finish." My eyes held hers. Sternly, commandingly. "Bella--I don't have the strength to stay away from you."
**
BPOV
"You have to try and find that strength. This--this is a mistake, Edward. You need to go." I wrenched myself out of his grip.
He was stone still, in the middle of my bedroom.
I started pacing.
Too much to digest--too much to wrap my head around. Now I knew his story--and the fact that he stayed with a girl he didn't love for the past year and a half was profound.
Profoundly selfless--and stupid at the same time.
Edward Cullen was a liar--and a good one at that. Not only could he cheat but he could selfishly keep a relationship going at the same time.
The moment his leather gloved hands were off of me, I felt actual pain--right in my stomach. I wanted to rush back into his arms and simultaneously run downstairs just to be further away from him.
What was wrong with me?
"Your hand--it should have had stitches," Edward said in a soft voice. The change in subject threw me for a complete loop. I turned to meet his eyes, questioningly.
That was a mistake.
His emerald gaze was on my hand--brows knitted together, creating a crease in his forehead. I realized then--that Edward was…worried.
"Its fine," I tried to shake off the overwhelming anxiety that was starting to creep into my core. I hadn't even thought about him seeing my insanity-induced, self inflicted wounds. I had taken the bandage off to let the area breathe--I didn't think he was going to be here and yet, he was standing right in my room, right now.
Stop it, Bella. He's a liar.
And still, I just couldn't break the hold.
"Are you going to tell me how it happened?" I could hear the bass in his voice. It wasn't a question it was a command. Why--did I feel my thighs tremble?
"Don't worry about it," I continued pacing--only now I was shaking too.
Sun. Sand. Edward's leathery musk.
My body remembered him. It craved him. I ran my hand through my hair, tugging the ends. I was going out of my mind--but somehow, I had to fight this pull.
"I am worried about it." Edward stalked closer to me, sliding his gloves off as I tried desperately not to pay attention. I kept moving--when I glanced up to him--the burn of his eyes had taken on a dangerous brilliance that could have threatened to destroy me.
And break down my walls.
He tossed his leather gloves to the floor--and the smell of copper--of blood--made me stop. Without so much as an internal command, my eyes were on his right hand.
The knuckles had been broken open--an injury almost mirroring my own. How did it get there? Was it the tree he climbed to get into my window?
I backed away as he advanced--but it was too late.
Edward captured me and dragged me in against him. I felt my breath leave my lungs.
My walls crumbled. My body betrayed me.
His skin was against mine.
"Enough running Bella," he growled and my hips arched to meet him.
"Don't," I gasped. I wanted to struggle--to fight him back and scream every horrible thing I called him in my head--directly to his face. I wanted to but I--I couldn't.
"We're done playing cat-and-mouse." The rasp of his voice--the need and desperation made me shiver. "I'm not going to pressure you to tell me what the fuck has hurt you--your hand, your heart--your very soul. I've got nothing but time."
The heat of his breath washed against my lips and my body arched against him.
Edward growled at the contact and I could smell my own heat filling the space between us.
What was it about him that completely destroyed me?
"Say something to me—anything." His nose brushed the side of my cheek--his breath hitched and I heard him draw in my scent.
"I--I can't." I closed my eyes and my palms pressed flat against his chest. I was vibrating with need--shaking as I pressed my thighs together--desperate for friction, for anything to quell this ache. Please God, help me.
Edward's fingers slid into my hair. My head tilted back and his lips followed my movement. The plush, feathery heat of his mouth skimmed my jaw and slowly traced down against my neck.
"Bella," he breathed against me. I was lost--the battle was over, if only for the moment.
I needed this. I needed him.
"Edward," I moaned and I felt his teeth graze my neck. He tightened his hold, pressuring me harder against him.
"Fuck," he groaned and his tongue lapped out to taste my skin, laving over his mark. I started to tremble as I slid my hands up his shoulders--my nails pressuring into his skin through his shirt.
A guttural rumble slid past his lips the moment my traveling fingers slithered into his hair. I could feel the enamel of his teeth against my neck and the trail of his tongue and moist breath leaving a wet trail on my skin.
I needed more. With a sudden, primal ferocity that overtook me, I had to have more.
It was wrong--I was angry---but I was aching and craving and ready for a hit of my drug.
My fingers gripped into wild bronze and with a hiss, I tugged on the very roots.
The reaction was immediate and intense and everything I needed at that moment.
Edward was on me--pinning me against the wall before I even realized what was happening. My breath left my lips as my spine connected with plaster.
"Fuck," he snarled, his hips forcing against mine--making me open to him. I gasped and his mouth descended, swallowing every hiss and moan and breath.
My teeth gnashed his lip as his tongue slid against mine in a primal dance. I pushed myself deeper into the kiss--drinking the taste of him as my fingers returned to--and tortured--his wild mane.
The struggle was feral.
This wasn't like me.
I challenged his mouth--his dominance--his lust.
He gave even better than he received.
Edward pressed me harder into the wall--his thick cock arching into my hip with the movement. His hands gripped my wrists--dragging them out of his hair and holding them against the plaster.
It wasn't gentle--God damn, I had never felt him like this.
**
EPOV
I was fucking crazed.
Her lips, her tongue--her fucking heat. She had finally snapped my tenuous self control like a God damn twig.
I tasted the challenge--a fucking call to arms. She was mine--and even if she didn't know it yet, my Bella was asking me to prove it.
I'd be God damned if she thought I was going to back the fuck away now.
I pressured her wrists to the wall and forced her to part her beautiful fucking thighs. My dick was leaking--hungry for a taste my Bella. So I angled, thrusting my hips into her, driving myself against her--through her flimsy pajamas--and right into her throbbing clit.
Bella arched her head back, breaking the kiss with a hiss.
"Right fucking there?" I chuckled darkly, reminding her just how fucking hard she made me--just how bad I wanted to take her. Fuck, I was going to make her scream for me.
"Is that all you've got, Cullen?" She hissed again and her narrow wrists struggled against my grip. I felt her arch her hips back as her eyes gleamed with pure fuck- hot malevolence.
"You're about to fucking find out," I growled and released one of her wrists. I practically ripped her fucking pajama bottoms and icy lavender panties down her thighs.
Bella's hand was in my hair, tugging for all she was worth as I opened her to me. Fuck, the scent of her burned into me with the sweetest fucking pain.
I didn't waste a single God damn second.
"Look at me," I growled. The moment her eyes met mine, I slid two fingers fast and deep into her aching pussy. Fuck, she was wet--and the second I felt her coat my fingers, I lost my shit.
"Oh God," Bella cried out, arching back against the wall as I curled my fingers inside of her, fucking her E-spot like a vicious onslaught. My thumb pressured her hot little clit and my girl spread her thighs like they were on fire.
"That's the fucking music," I snarled as she rocked back and forth with the force of my finger-fuck, every sweet cry was pure and delicious pain ricocheting through my blood.
The hot sound of her dripping cunt meeting me had me growling between breaths.
"Sing for me, fucking-louder---" There was no challenging me now--nothing but a roar of gasping breaths to accompany her symphony of shrill moans. "That's my girl."
"Edward---oh God--please…" Fuck--I was an animal and her begging, panting breaths made me thrash wildly against my captivity.
"It's not 'Cullen' when you're begging for me, is it Bella?" I felt her practically fucking vibrating with need around my fingers. Such fucking harmony--what a glorious God damn pitch.
"Please," my girl cried out--shrill and perfect and dangling on the edge. I continued to massage her, tormenting her clit and E-spot. God damn, the sounds she made….
"Say it, Bella--fucking say it. I'll give you the world--I'll give you everything you could ever ask for." My breath was ragged and wet against her lips. I flicked her plush velvet torturously.
Fuck, she brought out the beast in me.
"Edward," she cried out, arching her hips against me--desperate for release, for the friction only I could give her. Her eyes held mine--wincing with desire as she tried to form the words that were fucking intrinsic to her soul.
"Say it--out loud," I growled, torn in two with an aching to hear the words and the desire to watch her come apart all around my fingers.
"Please--Edward--yours! I'm yours." Her lower lip was trembling. So close….
"Fucking yes you are--mine. My Bella," I leaned into her, holding her eyes and as she gasped, I thrust and curled my fingers shallow and fast inside of her.
"Fall apart for me Bella--Cum for me. Now." I snarled and I felt her shudder so beautifully deep inside. So fucking responsive---so fucking hot for what only I can give to her.
Bella shook violently against me, her body arching with my pure fucking possession. She pulled me in against her mouth as she started to come undone--her dripping pussy milking me in gloriously violent spasms.
Bella's fucking screams---were the cries of utter breaking. The walls were down---she was mine and she fed them to me, breathing and moaning and crying like a banshee as I brought her off.
I drowned myself in her scent--I was going under, ripped in two by the waves of her cresting. I knew I was never going to fucking resurface.
"Mine," I took her mouth with brutal gentility as I continued to torment her--making her shake with aftershocks.
"Edward," she cried out, breathlessly. Fuck, how she whimpered my name.
I couldn't take it anymore.
My fingers slid out of her body and I fell to my fucking knees.
I brushed my nose against the wet-alter of her sex, against her throbbing clit as she gasped. My hands gripped her naked hips and I drew her to me--to my awaiting, hungry, selfish mouth.
"Fuck," I snarled as my tongue snaked between her perfect, pink pussy lips.
I was a starving animal and she was the only thing that could ever fucking sustain me.
My tongue and teeth and lips drove against her--lapping with pure animal ferocity. I wanted to be inside of her--devouring her from the inside out.
I parted her body with my tongue--drinking her release like a God damn Vampire on an open wound.
Oh, sweet fucking Christ--her taste.
"Edward--oh---don't stop--" Her fingers were in my hair, tugging me deeper between her legs. She braced her shoulders against the wall--stretching her body just to give herself to me.
My girl fed me.
And I ate her without a single scrap of table manners.
"Fuck, Bella--" I gasped for air, feeling her hot juices--her velvet fucking pussy all over my lips, my chin my face.
I was shaking as I felt her gorgeous pussy convulse around my tongue--squeezing the tip as she cried out above me.
Oh God---I was so fucked. So lost--so aching and needing and overcome.
Bella came again, hard and writhing and hissing every breath. I was met with a fresh wave of her--and I licked and nipped and sucked greedily at every flicker of her taste.
My head bowed as I gripped her hips, letting her drip onto my tongue. I was over the fucking edge--there was no absolution. I didn't register the fucking tribal, primal noises that fell out of my mouth.
I was too wound up--shaking and gripping and licking my girl till I knew she would wear my fucking bruises.
Fuck--I was so close. And she hadn't even touched me.
Bella's taste--her scent--fuck--I couldn't hold it back.
"Edward," Bella moaned and her begging breath dragged me over the edge. I flicked her clit with my tongue, making her writhe against the wall. "Show me."
"I'm--fuck--Bella--" a tortured fucking cry broke out of my mouth and my body tensed hard enough to make me snap my head back. I held her eyes---and she knew.
My girl knew what she did to me--her taste, her scent. She could bring me off with only my need for her.
Her hand gripped my hair tight--and I lost it right fucking there--on my knees--my skin glistening with Bella's release.
I came hard. A feral growl that rumbled my chest and shook the foundation of my soul. Hot spurts of my release settled between skin and cottom but I didn't give a shit--my girl was all around me--all over my face, my fingers, my mouth.
Fuck---she was mine.
But God damnit, I was hers too.
**
BPOV
I sank down to my knees beside him, once I had adjusted myself.
Shaking and desperate to regain my breath, all I could do was look into Edward's verdant green eyes--searching for something. I wasn't sure what I was trying to find--maybe nothing more than answers.
I couldn't explain what had overtaken me--what had just happened here in my room but I knew it felt right, even if it was wrong. I just couldn't control myself when I was with him.
Edward reached out his shaking fingers and I could smell myself all over his skin. We fit together down to the core of our very fluids. He traced the edge of my cheek so gently--so feathery light I could do nothing more than shiver.
I took his hand in mine and looked down at the knuckles--distracting myself from his eyes. I knew if I looked into them once more I was going to lose my soul forever.
"What happened to your hand?" I asked in a quivering voice, too small for my own mouth.
"I got into a fight with a wall--and it won," he snickered self deprecatingly. "Maybe it should have been my head, it's harder after all."
"Was it because of me?" I ghosted my fingers along the shorn skin, still caked with dried blood.
"I can't--be away from you Bella," Edward spoke in a voice I had never heard before. It was warm and possessive and--almost innocent. I could almost taste the truth of his words in the breath that spilled past his lips.
"I--I got the message from Jessica when I woke up this morning," I said and still without looking up. "When I found out--I lost touch with reality and I--I tried to stop myself from screaming and ended up biting my own skin--to do this," I exposed my hand to him--too ashamed to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry Bella--I swear I have never been more sorry in my life." His voice was cracking ever so gently---anyone else might have barely noticed. I was so in tuned with him that I swore if we were planets we would orbit each other and that kind of gravity would keep us bound for a lifetime.
"I was cheated on by James, my ex boyfriend. I found his lab partner riding him in his car back in February." It ran out of my mouth like wine from a bottle. When I closed my eyes I could still see it all behind the lids.
We were both still on our knees, facing each other, my fingers ghosting over his battered knuckles. I needed to touch him, just as surely as I needed air.
Especially now and in this moment.
"Edward--her name was Victoria and what you did--the way you lied to me--you just made me equal with her. You made me become the one thing I hate more than anything in this world. Just like Victoria--I was the catalyst to destroy your relationship."
"Stop. Right there. Bella--you weren't what killed Tanya and I. We were already dead." The tension in the room shifted and now, I finally met his eyes. I could read the pain and the anguish but also his version of truth bound in his emerald gaze. "I know what you think but, Bella--I never lied to you."
The hell, you say?
"The hell you didn't." I growled in anger.
What happened next was guided purely by instinct.
My hand--raised up by itself and it lashed out against his unsuspecting flesh.
The slap echoed in the silence of the room and I gasped, in abject horror at what I had just done. I---hit--him. In pure indignation and a burst of fury, I had left a red mark across his cheek.
"I deserve that," Edward said through clenched teeth, his eyes darkening. "But I never lied to you, Bella."
I felt my fingers tremble, but this time I kept control of myself. "How could you say that?" My voice had risen from a careful whisper to an outright scream of anger.
I stood up like a gunshot had gone off and Edward was right behind me. Shame, anger, betrayal, memories. Everything burned through me at once.
"You--you cheated on your girlfriend--you and I did everything we did and you never told me about her, you never gave me the choice! Omission is as good as a lie, Cullen!"
Charlie's words were coming out of my mouth.
"Good as--is not--equal to, Bella," he said with a narrow of his eyes. "I was the asshole and I know that--but neither of us ever stopped to ponder the fucking consequences of what we were doing."
"Excuse me?" I growled and Edward stood straighter--feeling the threat I was emanating. "How fucking dare you!"
I seldom dropped an 'F' bomb, but right now--it rolled out of my lips like the red carpet at the Oscars.
"I wasn't by myself in Laurent's room in Port Angeles, was I? I certainly wasn't by myself and here in your room yesterday, either." I could see that sense of seething indignation writhing through him--but his voice, it never raised. It grew only deeper.
I swore I saw red. Like a Bull getting ready to charge the Matador in some pointless, barbaric spectators ring.
Focus, Bella. Breathe.
"Neither of us ever stopped to ask questions--fuck, I didn't even know your name until yesterday and yet you're all I could think about, that entire weekend and every moment since then." Edward rubbed his hand against his cheek--flushed pink after my minor assault.
I tried to calm down. I tried to see beyond myself. I knew Edward had a point but this thing we had with each other, it wasn't healthy--it was dangerous.
Obsession. Addiction. Need.
James. Victoria. Tanya.
I was the victim here. And Edward was daring to show me how I should share blame and guilt in this situation?
I was innocent. I never asked for this.
For someone with such a fear of being hurt--you have no sense of self-preservation.
"Bella." Edward reached out his hand to me. I could see the broken skin of his knuckles shift with the effort.
Run away and save what's left or your sanity.
"You need to leave," I growled--at him, at myself. At the voice of my conscience that threatened to open my eyes to the truth. I wasn't ready--I wasn't strong enough.
"I won't leave you," he narrowed his eyes and took a step closer to me. "You're mine."
"I lied," I retorted and I could see him take my words like a physical blow.
Touché.
Before this struggle could continue, the sound of a cell-phone started to chime at my feet. I bent down stiffly to retrieve his jacket and unceremoniously handed it to him.
Edward took the jacket but ignored the first three consecutive sounds before lifting it out of the pocket, looking at the Blackberry display screen.
"It's home," he said with a frown and started to put the phone back where it came from. "It can wait."
"You should probably get it---I mean the roads are icy and your family is probably worried sick about you." I shifted on the floor, biting the edge of my lip.
His eyes held mine and I knew we weren't done here.
Edward nodded once and I tried not to listen to the male voice I heard on the other end of the phone.
Emmett.
**
EPOV
I wasn't giving up.
Bella slapped me and I deserved it. She wanted me out of her room and I didn't know if I could give her the space she needed. So I stood my ground.
My eyes held hers and I could see the flares of anger lapping inside of her fathomless brown eyes.
I had been called many things in my life--most of which I deserved. But I wasn't a God damn liar. When the hell did the rules get changed? I failed to get a fucking memo that stated 'unintentional omitting of information' had now changed God damn categories.
The truth is--when I'm with her, my fucking filters shut off and the world around me goes dead. There is nothing in this world if it isn't my Bella.
I felt my frozen heart clench. Fuck, don't tell me Emmett was right----
When my phone rang and Bella thrust my jacket at me, I jostled out of that train of thought--effectively derailing it. I was ready to let it go to voicemail--only my family would be calling me this late and since the roads were shit, they were probably freaked.
Or else, it was Tanya.
I had no choice but to look now. I had made a promise in that voicemail that if Tanya needed to talk I would be here to listen--so long as she knew everything was over and done with.
I had fucked up enough on my promises to Tanya. I resolved I was going to keep this one.
When I lifted my Crackberry and saw the display, I nearly sighed in relief.
"It's home." More than likely it was Carlisle wondering if we were going to be having that dinner we had agreed on this afternoon. My eyes flashed back to Bella and I silenced the ringer. "It can wait."
"You should probably get it---I mean the roads are icy and your family is probably worried sick about you," Bella said and she had a good point.
I nodded and brought the phone to my ear, unlocking the slider to answer.
It was Emmett.
"Bro--I've been texting you for twenty fucking minutes--where the hell are you?" His agitation caused me to clench my jaw.
"I'm with Bella--what's got your panties in a twist?" I huffed and returned the aggravation.
"We've got a situation here," Emm said and I could hear him muffling his voice into the phone.
Oh. Shit.
"Go on," I swallowed and cast my eyes up into Bella's. For a brief and beautiful second I watched her chew on her lip and her eyes softened. I smirked at the sight of her.
I felt almost hopeful.
And then the words came that threatened to fucking destroy me.
"Tanya's here--with Laurent. There's been--a situation," Emm was on the move with the cordless house phone.
I just couldn't catch a fucking break.
I heard my father in the background asking if Emmett had reached me. I could faintly hear the sound of crying--and the soothing voice of my mother, Esme. The phone exchanged hands and I knew what was coming next.
Fuck. Me.
This was going to be--unpleasant.
"Edward?" I heard a very strong, solemn tone in my father's voice. The one reserved for serious disappointment, chastisement or pure, internal agony.
"Dad," I said in a heavy and somber voice. "What's going on?"
"I need you to come home as quickly as you can--the roads are bad so please be careful." Carlisle wasn't wasting time.
"Dad, what is going on?" I repeated, emphasizing my words. If Tanya had gotten to him and turned this shit around….
….Yeah, I would fucking deserve it. I'd take it like a man. But I wasn't leaving here without Bella knowing the truth.
She was mine. But I wanted more. I wanted her to be my girl.
Carlisle sighed heavily in my ear. I stilled in place and got ready for the tongue lashing of a lifetime.
"Tanya's sister Irina---has had a terrible accident. We will need to leave for Alaska on the first available flight." I heard the tremble in my father's voice.
"Is she?" I stopped myself before tempting fate. If I didn't say it out loud, maybe it wouldn't be true.
"Yes, son."
Oh. God.
It couldn't be.
I wasn't prepared for this.
I took the news like a blow to the face. The DeNali family was like our own--and I swallowed hard as the realizations started washing over me.
"I'm on my way, Dad," I managed. Barely.
"Be safe, Edward." Emotion was threatening to break through Carlisle's voice. Irina, Kate, Carmen and Tanya might as well have been his own daughters.
They were family.
"I will, Dad." I hit the end button on my Crackberry and the screen was shimmying in my fingers. That was when I realized I was actually shaking.
"Edward--is everything alright?" Bella asked, drawing herself closer to me. It was like she could feel the emotions--the pain and loss and sadness coming over me.
Her anger ebbed away like a tidal wave and she reached for me. My girl--reached for me.
"No—Bella, that was…bad news," I braced my trembling fingers against her cheek, gently. "There has been an accident--a death in my extended family. Tanya's sister, Irina--and we have to leave on the next flight to Alaska."
"Edward--I---I'm so sorry," I saw her gasp at the connection made between us, skin to skin. Her lower lip trembled and her eyes searched mine.
Fuck, she was the only person in the world that could have held me together at this moment.
The last thing I wanted to do was leave her.
For who knows how long.
**
BPOV
Every last defense I had was broken down and laying in ruins at his feet.
The look of pain in his eyes, a verdant meadow shadowed by twilight, made my heart threaten to break in half, all over again. I would do anything--be anything--to never see him like that.
My Edward.
I reached out to him, no longer giving a shit about propriety or my own self-contained angst. He couldn't go through this alone. I wouldn't let him.
I wrapped my arms around Edward, feeling him shaking against me--returning the embrace with so much more emotion than I even believed he could possess.
Edward breathed against my hair, I could feel his nose plastered up against the dark tendrils and I clutched him even tighter to me.
I couldn't tell how long we stood there, wound around each other like the world was about to end. I didn't want to let him go and I could feel that very sentiment ricocheting off of him, like a gunshot.
"Bella," Edward pulled back slowly, dragging in audible breaths of my scent into his body. I shivered at the sensation and drew my eyes up into his.
"Edward," I replied, letting the taste of his name roll gently out of my lips. He looked exhausted and anguished and so incredibly vulnerable.
"I know we haven't fixed us--but I want there to be an us," Hope glimmered behind his eyes. One small sparkle from that shadowy meadow of verdant green.
I drew in my own shaking breath.
Sun. Sand. Us.
"I know I've fucked this up but Bella please--don't give up on me," Edward said with such anguish. It hurt me to think how much pain I had caused him.
His hand slid along my cheek, ghosting against me as though I weren't even real. Maybe I hadn't been more than a broken spirit this entire time, clinging to the past as a way to avoid the future.
It washed over me so fast, I felt myself gasp.
He wasn't James.
I wasn't Victoria.
There was a chance, a single narrow moment where I could decide the truth of these realizations. This was my clarion call and I now it became a matter of two choices.
Could I take the chance to step onto this road with him or would I have to turn around and walk away?
My eyes held his and my body still thrumming from the intimate contact. The pure electricity of our skin joined together made me shudder.
"I won't give up on you Edward--but I don't know if I'm ready to give in," I said as I placed my hand over his, bringing his palm flush to my cheek.
"All I need is a chance, even if it's only a fool's hope." As Edward held my eyes with his, I dared to imagine a life--here or otherwise--without the chance of being with him.
"We can talk about it when you get home from Alaska," I said softly and his fingers slid beneath my chin, turning my face up to meet his.
"I'm coming back for you, Bella," he whispered and I could taste his breath, warm and moist as his lips slid against my own. The gentle thrum of his electricity sparked into me, igniting a torrent of emotion from my frozen heart.
Edward twined his tongue against my own with sacred fluidity. I could hear the gentle undercurrent of his moan fill my mouth and I eagerly drowned myself in the sweet taste of him.
My fingers slid into his hair gently and I felt his touch dance slowly toward the join of my neck and shoulder--to his mark. I whimpered gently against him.
No--I couldn't live without the chance to fix us.
Us.
How did my thoughts change so suddenly? I had been ready to let go--to curse and hate and forever banish the thoughts I had for him.
Maybe fate was on our side.
Maybe when you're ready to lose something--you can finally start to see everything.
My something was Edward Cullen.
And maybe he was supposed to be my everything, as well.
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A/N2: Please read all the way through this Note for very important update information.
~~~)Come, They Told me(~~~
To the Covenant of the Snarl, the Twitterazzi, LambieCullen, Twilightgma1954 and the Club.….
To each and every one of you….that have made it this far, so far.
May the Holidays bring you a sense of joy and tradition, family and friends and a wine cup that always runneth over!
Thank you for every kind word--for every recommendation--for each personal story that graces my PM's and Review Alerts.
I cherish you all and I smile every time I see a new face--or an old Snarlie that unfailingly graces me with a review.
For those of you who have been with me since the beginning--I remember the days of famine, my old friends. Oh, the days of pleading for 200 reviews!! You were there. And every time I see your names pop up, I smile just a little harder for all the enduring faith that has brought us new family and friends.
/smile.
I wish I had the time to reply to the reviews like I used to--I hope someday soon things will come around full circle so I can do just that.
Thank you to everyone who joins me on the Twilighted forums--for sharing that personal time with me. If you are not a part of it--please come and visit--I log in daily to spend what little time I have with my sisters, the Covenant of the Snarl. I would love to see you there.
I want to take a very special moment to recognize three very important people to me. A trinity, if you will.
RoseArcadia--who has shown unfailing creativity and pimpage in every beautiful sense. Thank you, Rose---for helping to spread the word--for having such faith and devotion. For being you. Thank you for every blinkie that caught an eye--luv you sistah.
LambCullen--one of the most fierce authors and creatively beautiful and sassy women on the planet. Many of you may not know this, but Lamb read our lil BT--and loved it so much, she started a campaign on Twitter to spread the word. I owe you, Lamb, a thousand thank you's for believing. Without your gorgeous mouth, things would have been very different. I luv you--sassy Thing.
Shadowwolf--Bara, my love. You continue to inspire me without even realizing you have. You accept me for all my faults and all of my obsessing and never once feel threatened of my pure devotion to Snarly. He might have a part of my brain, but you have my heart. My Love and I will be living together, officially in just a few days.
And now---the single most important person in my UNIVERSE.
Brits23--What can I say to you, my heterosexual life mate, my spirit sister--my guide. Without you, Breaking Trinity would never exist, your hand marks the turn of time and page, your imagination and faith bring me to my knees. You are the aura of life behind Snarlward---you are the cheerleader in my corner when all other things are working against me.
You, Brits, endure literally last minute midnight revisions and endless hours of IM chatting and texting. You lift my spirits when I hit a slump---and you are the light that gives every character its integrity.
I could not do this without you, Brit. We are more than a team, more than friends, more than sisters. We are our own Trinity--You and Me and Creativity. I can never thank you enough, to the depth of my soul for every little thing you do to keep me on the path.
I love you Brits. You are the Muse--the symphony that makes the world go away so I can only hear the music.
Ladies and Gents, if you love this story--please visit Laid Bare--by Brits23. I promise you, Snarly is jealous because I want to rip through the screen to hear Vampward call me his beloved just once! (and then Dom the hell out of me after)
Story Link: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5541886/1/
All of our love to you all---VvDeadRosesvV and Snarlward.
~~~)Come, All ye Snarlies(~~~
Breaking Trinity has been nominated for BEST LEMON!! Please stop by the site and show your love for all the authors you love to read! Its an honour to be nominated--and I have a fan girl moment every time I glance at the page and see some of my own favorite authors there. Show the love--rock the vote! (starts 12/27)
http://www(dot)shimmerawards(dot)webs(dot)com/
Breaking Trinity was listed in the 2009 Smut Hall of Fame over on RAoR in the 2009 TwiSmut Year in Review!http://robert-pattinson(dot)ca/2009/12/11/the-raor-twismut-year-in-review/
~~~)Recc the Halls(~~~
1. Laid Bare by Brits23. Ladies and Gents, if you love BT--please visit Laid Bare--by Brits23. I promise you, Snarly is jealous because I want to rip through the screen to hear Vampward call me his beloved just once! (and then Dom the hell out of me after)
Story Link: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5541886/1/
2. LambCullen--please visit all of her glorious works--you will be glad you did.
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1793852/
3. Shadowolf85: A Twilight OOC and Canon Mix delight. Support our male authors…and the love of my life at:
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5505812/1/
4. Steph0525: My Covenant of the Snarl-sistah has got it working overtime. Send some holiday cheer!
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5469761/1/
5. EliseShawOne--of my very favorite authors. Words so haunting, you cant help but fall in love.
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1775901/
6. Last Rites by Halojones: Seriously, this fiction destroys me.
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5225668/1/
7. Bonne Foi by Amethyst Jackson. Oh my-my-my. Yes, please.
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4639011/1/
~~~)O'Snarly Night(~~~
Now, comes a very personal note--if you all have made it this far.
With my beloved one moving here this weekend and the holidays, I am going to take a much needed break from updating. Please forgive me and love me still. I promise there will be so much glory on the way---allow me the time to refresh my creative juices.
I will see you all next year!
Next Update: Saturday January 9. 2010.
~~~)Rockin' Around the…(~~~
Tran-Siberian Orchestra: Christmas night in Sarajevo
http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=MHioIlbnS_A&feature=fvw
~~~)My gift to you(~~~
Read this aloud--to yourself or a loved one.
In a Letter dated 1897.….
"We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of "The Sun":
Dear Editor, I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? Virginia O'Hanlon
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernatural beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years form now he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Francis P Church"
~~~)Remember(~~~
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