Seth had known from the time Al's lips first brushed his that their time in the clearing was too perfect to be reality. He hadn't fooled himself into thinking a miracle would change their situation over night, yet he couldn't believe the resolute way Al continued to act like the day had never happened.
They walked home together in silence each day. For the first couple of days, Seth made sure that his hand brushed Al's several times as they walked, but after many attempts that led to nothing, he stopped. Soon, it was him putting the increasing distance between them as they walked.
Not once did they go back to the clearing. Not once did Al reach out to touch Seth.
The only evidence Seth had that it had been real was the painful looks Al often gave him when they were together. They weren't the same looks he'd used to give Seth. These held a new quality. Seth knew he was thinking about what it had been like for them to kiss and how much he longed to do it again.
But he didn't. He kept himself closed off, forcing Seth to do the same.
As each day passed, Seth grew increasingly agitated. For a while, he'd been able to replay Al's promise in his mind. The one where he had promised to come out soon.
But it's power to boost Seth's optimism waned as it seemed less and less likely that Al intended to do it. Seth was convinced that Al had given up by the time Leah showed up in his room one night while he was trying his best to study.
"Joint pack meeting at Sam and Emily's in an hour," she told him. She leaned against his doorframe, not trying to conceal the way she was analyzing him for a reaction.
Seth's eyes were wide when he heard the information. Despite his fears that it would never happen, he had little doubt about what this meant. Leah did too. He could see it from the close way she was watching him.
They both knew what this was.
And Seth didn't want to talk about how it made him feel. He wasn't even sure how it made him feel. After his initial reaction, he tried schooling his features into a mask, nodding at Leah to let her know he'd heard.
She glanced down the hall without making a move to leave, and Seth knew that he was in trouble. Her presence in his doorway felt like a barrier. She took a step into the room, and Seth shifted nervously on the bed.
"Okay. What's going on?" she asked.
Seth sighed, watching his sister as he debated what he should say.
"Have you admitted to yourself that you like Embry yet?"
He knew the answer, and it was only confirmed when Leah's eyes glanced from him to the ground. That should have been the end of it, but he'd known it wouldn't be.
"Of course I like Embry," she said defensively. "We're friends."
Seth continued to keep his face as neutral as possible, not wanting to give her any motivation.
"Then we're not talking about this," he told her. He tried to make it as clear as possible through his voice that his words were final, not up for negotiation.
A new confidence rose up within Leah. She squared her shoulders and smirked.
"You said we wouldn't discuss our love lives," she said with satisfaction. "So this has something to do with that?"
Seth's eyes shot to Leah again. It had been a clever thing to point out, although Seth knew she'd already known what it was about before he'd said anything. He thought for a moment, trying to come up with the best way to get himself out of the conversation.
"We're not talking about it," he repeated. He didn't have some genius response that could make her think that she had been wrong.
"Okay," she agreed with a shrug.
And that had been the end of it. She turned away from his room, and Seth didn't see her again until she called up to his room saying she was ready to leave.
Their walk to Sam and Emily's was quiet. Suspiciously so.
Seth didn't feel much like talking, and despite pushing him before, Leah was willing to indulge him in the remaining minutes he had before facing Al. In front of both packs. His heart raced as he thought about what appeared to be happening.
The house was loud when they got there. There was none of the tension Seth had gotten used to at these things. Seth took a seat in a corner of the room, able to observe but not directly within the action. He felt like a mere observer of everyone else, not a participator.
There was no discretion in the way his eyes stayed locked on Al. He couldn't be bothered. He knew Al had asked for this meeting, and he knew that could only mean one thing. Yet Al was laughing with Collin. Seth watched him and saw the hesitance in his eyes, the way his laugh quivered.
Al was nervous, but he was doing a damn good job of hiding it.
Something about that angered Seth after so long of Al being too terrified to do this. It didn't seem fair that he could pull off nonchalance.
His anger could also, perhaps, be attributed to the awkwardness of the days since they had kissed. Seth knew bitterness had been building up in him over the way Al had been acting. This was only the final straw. The thing that made him want to explode into a rage when he should have felt happy for his friend.
Al didn't look at him once. That only made it worse.
When the last of the guys had arrived, everyone quieted as if they'd been shushed. Al stood up without prompting. Seth could see that he was shaking. He felt a twinge of emotion, almost wanting to reach out and take Al's hand.
But he didn't. Instead, he clenched his hand into a fist and bit down on his lip, willing himself to stay calm.
"So," Al began, drawing out the 'o' to buy him a few seconds. "There's been enough of these lately, I think, so I'll keep it simple. I'm bisexual."
The usual quiet settled over everyone after Al's declaration, but this felt different. Like they'd done this so many times that it couldn't feel awkward anymore. Seth didn't know if that was heart-warming or upsetting.
The others were quick to start talking amongst each other. Nothing felt different. Just like it hadn't felt different at any other point after one of them came out. It was always such a let down after the built up nerves.
Al had fought against doing this tooth and nail out of fear, and now he'd done it with no fanfare. There was no backlash, only acceptance, and that should have been a good thing. Seth should have been happy that Al looked relieved. That he was joking around with the others like normal.
But he didn't. He felt angry. He hated himself for it, but that didn't make it go away. It was irrational, but it was how he felt.
He needed fresh air. He needed to be away from everyone.
It was easy enough to slip out without being noticed. No one had paid attention to him since he arrived. They were too wrapped up in their own conversations.
What he didn't expect was for Al to follow him. He heard the door opening and closing when he was only feet away from the front porch. Al didn't say anything, only followed Seth into the woods, his footsteps familiar.
All the reasons they'd had for keeping their friendship quiet were no longer valid, yet Al still seemed to only want to talk to him away from the others. Seth let out a huff of annoyance. For a few minutes, he thought he might keep walking home, not acknowledging Al's presence, but he knew he'd never be able to restrain himself that long.
"What do you want?" he snapped, twirling around to face Al.
Al's eyes widened at the suddenness of Seth's movements, but he controlled himself quickly. Seth could tell that he was still trying to make himself look less frightened than he was, just like he had been in the house. Seth hated himself for making Al feel like he should be scared, yet at the same time, he reveled in it as if it were revenge.
"To talk," Al replied like it should have been obvious.
"About?" Seth questioned. "You haven't wanted to talk to me any other time over the past few weeks. You certainly didn't want to talk about coming out. Or us kissing. You didn't even want to look me in the eye. So what do you want to talk about now?"
Al looked taken aback, like he hadn't expected to hear that.
"I did tell you," he insisted. "I told you I wanted to come out. That day. I said it."
"You did. 'Soon,' you said. Then you didn't bring it up for weeks. When you told everyone else. You didn't talk to me at all, Al, and then Leah comes into my room earlier today and tells me we're having a joint pack meeting. And I knew what that meant, but I also knew that you hadn't told me anything about it."
"I thought you'd be happy for me," Al whispered.
Seth could hear the tears Al was holding back, and he growled out of frustration. He felt so many conflicting emotions, and he didn't know how to convey each of them to Al. It was impossible.
"I am happy for you," he told Al, emotion thick in his voice. "I'm also pissed."
Al took a deep breath like he was breathing in Seth's words, trying to make sense of them.
"I don't get why you're upset."
Seth rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe this. Al knew everything—everything. How could he not get it? It made Seth want to scream.
"I'm not upset," he replied mockingly. "Good for you. Hip hip hooray."
How dark his voice had become scared him. It didn't sound like him anymore. Al thought the same thing. Seth could see it in his eyes.
"Yeah, hip hip hooray," Al replied, mimicking not just Seth's words but his tone. "Seriously, Seth? Are we still going to do this?"
Seth narrowed his eyes. There was no way Al was accusing him of being the one causing this.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't pull that shit," Al shot back, voice rising.
"What shit?"
Al made a strangled noise. He took a step back from Seth, his entire body trembling. He was struggling not to phase. It was the first time Seth had seen him have that problem since the first couple of months after he'd become a wolf.
Seth didn't move. He knew Al would be able to control himself. Already, the shaking was slowing down. Al took several calming breaths even as his body remained tense.
"You're being such an asshole," Al replied once he had himself under control. "I'm trying to fix things, Seth. I'm trying to fix things."
Seth was close to crying out of frustration and hurt and a million other emotions. He knew that. He had little doubt that Al had justified everything to himself as 'fixing things,' but he wasn't fixing anything. Seth couldn't just forget everything that had him angry. It didn't work that way.
Nothing that Al had done was what Seth needed. He'd thought Al coming out would be the final step towards everything being set right, but now he realized that it wasn't. Maybe they'd both screwed up too much, or maybe there had always been steps along the way that Seth and Al ignored. Either way, Seth realized now that Al coming out wasn't a grand, final solution to the problems between them.
He'd realized that, but Al hadn't.
Seth felt the tension leave his body as he thought about it that way. It did no good being angry at Al when Al didn't get why he was angry. Maybe he should have tried to explain instead, but he couldn't. Not right then. Not when it hurt knowing that Al didn't get it.
"Then actually try," Seth replied quietly, his voice no longer sounding angry as much as it sounded hurt. "Come talk to me when you're willing to actually talk to me. When you want to set things right."
He didn't—couldn't—look back at Al's hurt face as he walked away.
A/N: Probably not the way anyone wanted things to go, but if you've read the Forever series, then you recognize the argument that Seth and Al have in this chapter. I'm going to try to post the next chapter within the next day or two so that you don't have to wait that long.