"I'm leaving, Brooke." I was awestruck. Dumbfounded. Why did his voice sound so distant, like he was light years away from me? I felt like my tongue was literally tied which caused my inability to speak. I could feel that my heart stopped beating. I couldn't feel anything. The blood has stopped flowing through my veins.
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Why was I not that surprised? Had I known this all along? Was I just waiting for him to say it? Somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew this was coming. I was just too stubborn to ignore it. I thought it was just one of my crazy imaginations, those which were never bound to happen. But this one did. What I'm feeling right now was more of stupidity. My gut feeling told me a long time ago that something was up, something oddly up these past few days. But I shrugged off the feeling. I waited for Lucas to tell me if there was a problem. I knew it; he would only tell me when he was already in too deep. That was so typical of him. I felt stupid for not initiating. I could have asked first, didn't I? But I didn't. And now this happened; the one which I was scared of the whole time.
"Brooke, I'm leaving." He repeated, cutting a knife through my heart once more. As if I didn't hear it the first time!
"I thought you left my house a long time ago. You know, to change." I said, playing dumb. I was trying to alleviate the feeling. Maybe I was overreacting.
"Brooke, you know what I mean. I'm leaving, as in leaving New York." He said firmly. His eyes were expressionless once again. His eyebrows were furrowed, as if in deep thought. His forehead showed lines, an evidence of his heavy brooding. His lips never smiled, nor frowned; they were just into a thin, hard line. Though he looked at me, I knew he was staring right past me.
"Why?" I whispered. I couldn't speak more fluently now, as if I just lost my voice. I could feel the tears at the brim of my eyes. I wouldn't stop them from falling. If my tears would stop Lucas from leaving, then I'm going to use them to my advantage.
"Brooke, I'm sure you know why." He said smugly.
"No. I need to hear it from you." I pleaded. My voice croaked and I was sobbing heavily now.
"Brooke, if I continued staying here, you would only lose your company."
"Lucas, that is my company! You didn't have anything to do with it. You and my company are two different parts of my life, ok? What brought all of this on?" I demanded. I was shedding tears of anger. I could feel my voice running.
"Really, Brooke, have you been that oblivious? Didn't you see what was happening to your company?"
"Lucas, I have seen what was happening. So, I lost Barney's. I missed some meetings. I have a lot of work on my desk. So what?! What does that have to do with you?"
"Uggghh! Brooke! Don't you get it? All of those happened to you because of me!"
"No! Don't you dare blame this on yourself!" I had to free him; free him from this…guilt. He was having the apprehension that all of this happened because of him. I had to erase the guilt from his heart. None of these was his fault. If there's someone to be blamed, it had to be me.
"No! You don't get it, do you? Brooke, you have been spending an awful lot of time with me! Time that should have been spent with meetings with your big clients! Time that should have been spent grabbing opportunities for your company to venture in! But, instead, you spent time with me! And what did you get in return? This!" He said. He threw his hands in the air, frustrated. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and sighed deeply.
"Wait, so you regret spending time with me?"
"No! No, that is so not it! Don't you get the point? You lost your company because we spent most of your time together!"
"Prove it! Prove me that you should be the one to blame!"
"Ok. Let's start from the very beginning, shall we? OK. Remember the time when I took you out to lunch and we spent the day at the park? You spent the night at my house. Next morning, when I got up, your phone was ringing like crazy. You even shouted at someone while you were at it. Remember?" He asked. He stopped pacing around my room, and turned to me for an answer.
"Yah. So?" I said, keeping my composure. I knew I was going to lose this battle. Lucas would show me, in every way, that he was in the wrong.
"You were obviously needed at work that time. But you ignored those calls and stayed with me- not that I'm complaining or anything."
"That day was nothing. Just a couple of things I needed to approve for the magazine. Any other proof?" I said coldly at him. That was lie. That was supposed to be my meeting with Nina Garcia, who was trying to get a hold of me for the past month already.
"At the dinner, you said that you had a lot of meetings that you had to reschedule the others for the next day. Tell me, did those meetings just come out of the blue, or did you have them for a long time already, that you just keep on postponing them? Please tell me the truth, Brooke."
"So I just kept on postponing them. So what?!"
"I knew it! Why the hell would you do that?! This dream of yours, it came first! I just came in second. I do get that. I really do. That's why I want you to prioritize this over me. Why the hell did you think that?!"
"I wanted you to be always the first, Lucas! You were always my priority! Screw Clothes over Bro's! Screw everything! All that matters to me is you! And if you're not kind enough to appreciate that, then I'm sorry! I'm sorry for always putting you on top of my list!" I said with heavy sarcasm.
"Brooke, you just told me over at our dinner that nothing would ever make you give up that company. And that nothing includes me!"
"No! That nothing did not include you! I would give up everything just for you."
"But I don't want you to do that. I will never ever forgive myself if you give up your dream for me."
"So you're just sending yourself away to Exile Island?! You're making the decision for me?"
"If that is what's needed, then yes. I would do that."
"I can't believe you! What pushed you to this?! What the hell gave you an idea that you should do this?!" I demanded.
He just looked away. Shoot! I knew it!
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
"Does this concern Victoria? Lucas, you have to tell me right now if this concerns my mother!"
"Brooke, all I wanted is for you and your mother to be normal! To be civil with each other!"
"That was not what I was asking for! And for your information, I have accepted long time ago that my mother and I would always be like this. Whatever I do, however I initiate, she would never warm up to me!"
"That's why I'm trying!"
"Lucas, you did not answer my question! Did my mother say anything to you?! You better tell me right now, or I would beat my own mother just to let her tell me!" I was raging. Anger was pulsing through my veins.
"So she said some things." He said tersely.
"What things? Lucas, please, just tell me!"
"She told me that I better stay out of your way before your company crumbles down, which she was sure that I would not like to happen." He said in a deadpan voice.
"And you heeded her advice?! Lucas! What were you thinking? If there's anyone not to follow, it would certainly be my mom! You, of all people, should know that!"
"Oh! So you think I just took her advice without thinking about it? Wow. How stupid do you think I am, Brooke?" He said sarcastically.
"So…you…agree…with…her?" I said carefully, tears threatening to spill over again.
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
"Brooke, this was something that was on my mind for a very long time already. Victoria or no Victoria, I was going to do this." He said warmly.
"You were going to leave me either way?" I said disbelievingly.
"If for the sake of you and your company, then yes." He said, sounding quite proud of himself.
"You were going to leave me again? I can't believe this!"
"Brooke, I was left with no choice! I don't want you to lose your company! I have to save it somehow."
"By leaving me?! Lucas, that is the dumbest and the most stupid thing I have ever heard! Didn't you think of something else?"
"My presence here is the only problem. Once I'm here, you'll never focus on your company. You'll always be distracted."
"So you're saying that I'm easily distracted by you? That I can't focus on my work whenever you're around? How professional do you think I am, Lucas? Please, give me a little more credit."
"Brooke, I know you're not like that. But that is what I'm saying. You have your assistant calling you every five minutes."
"I do not believe this! At all! I can't believe you're saying this! Of all people!"
"Tell me, Brooke. Why did you lose Barney's?"
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
"What? Why?"
"Just answer the damn question."
"Because I missed the meeting they set, which was supposed to be about their deal with us."
"When was the meeting supposed to be?"
"Yesterday night."
"And why weren't you there?"
"What the hell, Lucas?! Are we playing 20 questions here?!"
"Answer it. Why weren't you there?"
"Because we had dinner!" I said exasperatedly. Where was he taking this?
"And why didn't you know that you had a meeting?"
"Because I turned my phone to a silent mode."
"And why would you do that?"
"Because we were having dinner and I don't want anything to intrude it."
"Finally! Now do you get my point?"
"Barely. Why do I have to choose? Why can't you just stay and I'll run my business."
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
"Technically, Brooke, you're not choosing. I'm the one that's choosing. And why can't I stay? I guess…" He sighed. "…it's not meant to be." He finished.
"It's not meant to be? No way, Lucas! I'm not going to go through that 'not meant to be' crap again! Lucas, we are meant to be! Why won't you get that through your head?!"
"Brooke, if we're meant to be, why is this happening? Why am I always told that I had to separate myself from you? Why is fate telling me that I can't be with you?"
"I don't know, ok? All I know is we are meant to be."
"Probably it's really best that I leave."
"Wait, let's back up a minute there. You are not leaving."
"No, Brooke. I have decided. I made up my mind. I'm leaving."
"So you're leaving just like that? In a snap of a finger, you're just leaving. Isn't that a little insensitive, Lucas? What about my feelings, Lucas?" I pleaded.
"You'll be just fine. You'll forget about me and move on. There are other guys out there."
"You make it sound so simple and easy when it's not! Are you that eager to leave me?"
"It's only the truth, Brooke."
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
"Didn't you learn from the last time you left me?"
"What about it?" He asked, as if not knowing the answer.
"I can't believe this! Who are you? Lucas, I was mess when you left me! I couldn't think, sleep, eat, work, whatever! I was a living zombie, ok? And when you came back, you resurrected everything in me! Don't those things mean anything for you?"
"Brooke, that was because you were so attached to me! Let's say it was Nathan that left you, I'm sure you would have felt the same way. That's why I'm detaching myself from you. Didn't you notice that?"
"I did. I did notice that. I thought you had some problem that you didn't want to tell me."
"This was my problem! This hurts me, too, you know. I was living in my own personal hell these past few days after Victoria told me that. I knew she was right. I knew I had to bring myself to do this. For your sake, not mine. I just didn't know if I could do it. That's why I was restraining myself from you. It would be easier that way. It would be easier if I'm not so attached to you anymore."
"If this is hard for you, too, then why are you still leaving?"
"Because I had to. Like I said, for your sake."
"Lucas, you leaving me is not for my sake! It would only cause my death!"
"I'm sure you'll be just fine."
"How can you take this so lightly?"
"I don't want to make this harder to either of us, so I'm taking this lightly. I have no intentions of hurting you, Brooke."
"But you just did! You just hurt me, Lucas! And you're saying I can easily move on to other guys? Lucas, you're the only guy! You're my guy! Goodness' sake! Can't you get that?"
A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love
"Then why is this happening? If we're meant to be, why am I always pulled away from you?"
"I don't know, ok? This idea is so absurd! Lucas, you promise me last night that you won't leave me. You promised!"
"I promised with a condition. I said I'll never leave you as long as it's the best for you."
"And I said you're always what's best for me."
"No, Brooke. I'm not what is best for you. Look at your company right now. My presence here is not the best for you. You're only suffering because of me. You're slowly losing your dream because of me. This is not what I wished for you. This is now what I believe is best for you."
"Fine! I get it! I'll shut down Clothes over Bro's right this very minute. If that's the only way that could make you stay."
"You're being absurd! You and I both know you're not serious with that idea. It would both of us if you do that."
"Is there no other way I could do to make you stay?"
"No. I'm leaving. I have decided. If we meet again in the next years, so be it. we'll figure something out. You will have a clean break from now, don't worry. It will be as if I never came back to you…for you."
"As if you never came back?! That's going to be hard to pretend, Lucas. It will be twice as hard to remove that from my memories."
"I'm sure you'll fare just fine. Busy yourself with work. Do whatever you can. Brooke, I need you to promise me one thing."
"What?" A faint glimmer of hope sparked within me.
"Please do everything in your power to forget about me. Please."
"Lucas, I can't promise you that. You know I can't promise you that."
"Fine, then. Promise me you'll try."
"I can't answer that right now."
"I'm making you a promise in return. I'm promising that I won't interfere in your life any longer. That, I can say true to you."
"Please don't say that. Why are you doing this, Lucas? To me…to us."
"This is for you, Brooke. Remember, I'm doing this for you. Not for me. You'll see soon what I mean. But I need you to forget about me."
"Are you giving up on me?" I whispered. Tears spilling over my cheeks.
"For now. I don't know if this is for forever."
"Don't…" I trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to ask the question. I couldn't make the words escape from my lips. It would only slice my heart completely. But if I didn't, I wouldn't know my answer forever.
"What?"
"Don't you love me anymore?"
I finally breathed out the words, they barely escaped my lips. I closed my eyes, praying he would answer no. The tears ran down more freely than the last minute. I was crying a river here.
Several seconds ticked by. Still no answer. As more seconds ticked by, fear trickled through my blood. I was dreading to hear the answer every second. I was preparing myself for the worst, or for the best.
"No." He finally said. My heart was just cut into two in that millisecond. I sobbed harder. I didn't even bother to look at him. I just fell to the ground, sobbing as I went. Then I heard footsteps coming near me. It was Lucas. I felt him kiss me on the head. But still, I didn't look up. I was too busy digesting his answer. Who knew that a one word like that could cause so much pain and heartbreak?
I heard the front door shut. My head shot up. Lucas left already. I tried to run as fast as I can. But when I reached the doorstep, nothing was there. The neighborhood was carrying on like nothing happened…like Lucas never showed up here at all.
Then I noticed it. The October snow is falling from the New York skies…like the world fell from my universe.
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Hi guys! New chapter! Please review!
BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, oth234234, brookenlucas4eva03, Sophia-Chad, IamCaroline, onetreefan, Bazzle, iloveothmica, whiters, and hoeoverbros.
Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews! I'm kinda running fast that's why I cannot thank y'all personally!
Oh! Iloveothmica and IamCaroline, congratulations are in honor to the both of you! You guys guessed what's happening right before I actually told everyone! Congrats! LOL! I just didn't tell you that you were both right so as not to spoil! LOL!
--cheery