Yeah, I know this is going up way late in the day. It's my mother's fault for dragging me out shopping with her all day.
Bloody Violet Heart: Sorry the last chapter was short! It just kind of happened that way somehow. This one is longer!
Bladed Darkness: I agree, they do need to bring Luann back, because she is awesome. (As is Shego.)
oh one: Lilly said it. As for Oliver, he won't be making another appearance in this story. The other Lilly and Miley are indeed in the original universe, and I plan on writing their story at some point after I finish this one. Let me know if you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them.
mileymadness: Eight inches? I am so jealous. It was sixty-five here yesterday. I miss snow.
coffeeandcommunity: Computer problems are the worst. I'm having some myself right now and I'm putting off dealing with them because I know what a bitch they're going to be to fix. But you should not follow my example, because I want to read that fic. What you said about their lives being in the present was...yes. Exactly right. And I'm glad everyone seems to be liking the lighter tone of the last few chapters, because I'm really enjoying getting to write stuff where they don't both feel like they're dying all the time. It's refreshing!
Okay, I need to go try to forget about every single second I spent in the mall today. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!
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Chapter Twenty-One: Harder Than It Seems
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learn to reach deeper
to hear under the laughter
the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss
the mouth
which tells you, here,
here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones.
- Galway Kinnell, "Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair In The Moonlight"
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"It's Christmas, it's Christmas, it's Christmas!" yelled a small voice at the same time something thumped into the side of Lilly's bed. Lilly dragged her eyes open. The room was pitch black except for the yellow light streaming in from the hallway. Even the windows were still dark. What time was it?
A pair of greenish-gray eyes set under tousled brown hair peered at her from the beside the bed. They belonged to Maggie, Bobby Ray's youngest, the same one who had hidden behind her mother's legs yesterday when she was introduced to Lilly and Sarah. "It's Christmas," she informed Lilly again, apparently over her shyness.
"It sure is," Lilly mumbled. The last time she'd celebrated Christmas with small children in the house, she'd been the small child. She'd forgotten just how early the lure of presents could wake a kid up.
"Mamaw won't let us open presents until everyone gets up and comes downstairs. So y'all have to get up now." It figured: the one morning she'd thought she wouldn't have to get up this early.
"Okay, well, uh..." Lilly rubbed sleep out of her eyes, trying to force her brain into alertness. "Why don't you go wake up Miley and your sister, and Sarah and I will be up in just a minute." Maggie whirled without a word and ran out of the room and down the hallway.
"Sarah? Sarah, we have to get up." If anyone had told Lilly six years ago that she'd be sharing a bed in Tennessee with 'Saint Sarah', she would've had them committed. For that matter, the idea that that same 'saint' would be staring at her with murder in her eyes would also have been hard to believe. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger," Lilly said. "I'm just saying if we're not up in three minutes there's going to be about fifty pounds of pissed off eight-year-old back in here."
They both got up and scrambled to pull on more clothes. The early morning chill seemed especially fierce after the warmth of the bed. Lilly didn't bother to take off her pajamas, just pulled a pair of jeans on over the pajama pants and a dark gray UW sweatshirt over her top.
Several pairs of footsteps trampled past their slightly ajar door, and then Maggie reappeared in the doorway. "Lilly, Miley says she won't get up unless you come and wake her up."
Jackson came up from across the hall and swooped Maggie into his arms. "It's Christmas, Maggiepants, what are we waiting for? Let's go get us some presents!" He galloped down the hall to the stairs, the little girl bouncing and laughing in his arms.
"I guess mine doesn't have that problem," Sarah said dryly, starting after them.
Lilly went down the hall to Miley's room, relieved to see that the top bunk was empty and that Luann had already gone downstairs. After her little chat with the girl last night, she didn't think there would be any more problems, but that didn't mean she wanted to deal with her first thing. A blanket-covered lump on the bottom bunk was the only indication that Miley was still there. Not even her hair was peeking out of the blankets. Sitting on the side of the bed, Lilly peeled blankets back until she could see Miley's face.
"Come on, toad, time to get up." No response, though she knew Miley had been awake enough to ask for her two minutes ago. She leaned forward and kissed Miley, a slow, lingering kiss that steadily got more passionate. That certainly got a reaction, Lilly thought. She sat back up, laughing because Miley kept her eyes closed and pretended she was still asleep. "Either you're getting up or I'm getting your dad and his bucket of ice water."
Miley's eyes shot open. "That's cheating."
"Whatever it takes, babe," Lilly shrugged. She kissed Miley again, careful to keep it light since they were expected downstairs and there was a very good chance that Maggie would be back up here any second asking what was taking so long. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Miley whispered back. "I love you."
"I love you, too. Now get up, because I was serious about that ice water."
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Downstairs was utter chaos. Jackson and Maggie were in the living room by the Christmas tree, shaking presents and sorting them into stacks based on recipient. Robby Ray and Bobby Ray were arm wrestling on the coffee table while Mamaw, Sarah, and Luann were clustered around the coffee maker in the kitchen waiting for it to finish brewing. Rachael, Bobby Ray's wife, was hunting something in the refrigerator, trying to ignore her other two children, nine-year-old Marshall and eleven-year-old Carrie, as they tugged at her bathrobe and demanded to know when they could start opening presents.
"We're waiting on Miley and Lilly and – oh there they are," Rachael said, straightening out of the fridge and seeing Miley and Lilly as they came into the kitchen. "Now we're just waiting on your aunt and uncle."
Just as she said that, the front door swung open and Aunt Pearl and Uncle Earl came in. Miley was making a beeline for the coffee maker and Lilly followed after her. Luann saw them coming and slipped past them going the other way, using her step-mother as a buffer. "I always thought you guys were exaggerating when you talked about them," Lilly hissed in Miley's ear, subtly nodding her head in Earl and Pearl's direction.
"Honey, when that's the base material, you don't have to exaggerate," Miley said. The coffee was done, and Miley pulled an enormous mug out of one of the cabinets and poured it full, drinking deeply. Lilly tried to take it from her to steal a sip, but Miley cradled it protectively against her chest. "Gitcher own, woman, this one's mine," she grumbled, unmoved by Lilly's pout.
The flurry of activity in the house had increased as everyone gathered around to greet Earl and Pearl, so Lilly was able to snag a mug and get a couple of sips into her before Mamaw waved at her to come be introduced.
"So yur Lilly," Earl said. At least, Lilly thought it was Earl. It was kind of hard to tell.
"Yes, sir."
"And yur with Miley." His brows lowered briefly in disapproval, then he barreled on. "Always wondered who she'd end up with, she was such a strange child. Always had her head up in them clouds, know what I mean?" He offered his hand. "Pleased ta meetcha."
"Um, nice to meet you, too." Lilly shook his hand, unsure of how to react.
"Presents!" Maggie yelled from the living room, and Jackson echoed her, and Lilly shrugged to herself and joined the stampede into the other room. With some amusement, Lilly noticed that Luann avoided her and Miley, staying on the other side of the room.
At Lilly's house, everyone traded off opening presents, going one at a time so that each gift could be admired and each giver thanked. At the Stewarts', it was a free-for-all. Wrapping paper and bows flew through air that was filled with shrieks of joy and shouts of gratitude. Seeing that Lilly was a little overwhelmed, Miley secured a corner of the couch for her and brought over a pile of presents with her name on them. There was the standard donation-in-your-name card from Jackson and Sarah, a pretty purple sweater with gray accents that Lilly suspected was hand-knit from Mamaw, and some books she'd been wanting from Bobby Ray, Rachael, and Robby Ray – Miley must have told them what to get.
Miley whooped when she opened her present from Lilly, a new electric guitar that Lilly had caught Miley eyeing for a month before she left on tour. She already had a couple and she claimed she didn't need another, but Lilly knew how much she'd wanted this one, a deep, sapphire blue and white. Miley caught Lilly's eye and mouthed thank you across the crowded room. The kids were momentarily distracted from their own presents and swarmed Miley, demanding that she give them a turn with it.
Fifteen minutes later, Miley was finally able to detach herself and come back over to the couch. She propped the guitar against the side and wedged herself in between Lilly and Sarah. "Thank you," she said, giving Lilly a one-armed hug. "But I thought we weren't going to spend a lot on presents this year."
"That was for birthdays," Lilly reminded her. "Besides, are you saying you didn't spend a lot on my present?" Miley was waiting until tomorrow to give Lilly her present. It was currently at some undisclosed location and Lilly was going insane with curiosity wondering about it.
"I'm afraid that information is classified," Miley said, eyes twinkling. She knew how crazy the mystery was driving Lilly. "If you know how much it cost, you might guess what it is."
"Or you could just tell me what it is, and then I'd know how much it cost," Lilly suggested hopefully.
"Hmmm, let me think about that one real hard. Uh, no. You're just gonna have to wait til tomorrow."
Jackson picked his way across the minefield and took a seat on the floor in front of the three of them. Four identical book-sized presents wrapped in lurid reindeer wrapping paper were piled in his arms and he glanced at the tags and handed one to each of them. "From Uncle Earl and Aunt Pearl." He grinned at his sister. "Wanna bet what's in 'em?"
"No way," Miley said. "That's a sucker's bet." She slapped the top of hers lightly. "I've been waiting for one of these."
"I know," Jackson laughed. "Remember the first time Lucy got one for moving in with Kevin?"
"And we spent like three hours following her around looking up verses and reading them to her?" Miley asked. "I thought we'd never stop laughing at her."
"What the heck are you guys talking about?" Sarah asked, sounding as confused as Lilly was feeling.
"Just open them and you'll see," Jackson instructed. So they all ripped into the presents, and Lilly tossed the paper on the floor to reveal –
A Bible. Okay. She'd never gotten a Bible for a present before, but she guessed it was a nice –
"Now, Earl," Robby Ray said, having seen the presents and sounding like he was upset and getting ready for an argument. He was on the other side of Sarah on the couch and didn't look too happy with his brother.
"It's okay, daddy," Miley cut in. "Thank you, Aunt Pearl, Uncle Earl. You can never have too many Bibles."
"That's exactly what I always say, Miley," Aunt Pearl said, looking pleased. "Now, these Bibles are special, y'all be sure to pay attention to the verses we've marked."
Marked? Opening the Bible at random and flipping through the pages, Lilly saw that specific verses had indeed been marked, highlighted in bright yellow. "Why are they marked?" Lilly whispered to Miley, glad that the noise everyone else was making mostly covered her question. On the other side of Miley, Sarah leaned closer to hear the answer. At least Lilly wasn't the only one who felt completely out of her depth with this present.
"Oh, those," Miley said casually. "Those are the ones that tell us how we're sinning and going to hell."
Lilly felt sick and struggled to swallow the bile that rose in her throat. She looked over at Earl and Pearl. Pearl was talking to Rachael, but Earl saw her and smiled. Stunned, Lilly looked back at Jackson and Miley, who seemed unaffected. Robby Ray still looked a little angry and Sarah looked as shocked as Lilly. Lilly glanced at Luann, expecting her to be smirking up a storm, but she was just watching, her face expressionless. Her father, though, looked like he approved of the presents, while the three kids kept opening gifts, oblivious.
Lilly felt like the day had suddenly dimmed and the temperature in the room had dropped several degrees. Everything had been going so well so far. Bobby Ray and Rachael had seemed nice yesterday, they hadn't said anything, and other than Maggie's shyness the kids had acted like they didn't think there was anything out of the ordinary. But maybe Miley's family really did have a problem with them. Maybe Lilly really wasn't welcome among them.
Presents took another half an hour to finish, and Lilly spent the whole time quiet on the couch, unsure of her place. Things got even more chaotic afterwards when Marshall started chasing Maggie and Carrie, trying to hit them with his new Nerf gun and all three of them ran around the house screaming their heads off.
"All right," Mamaw said after about five minutes of that, towing Marshall back into the living room by his collar. "That is it. Everyone under the age of thirty outside."
"Mamaw!" Miley and Jackson immediately whined. "We didn't do anything!" Jackson continued.
"Coats and shoes, now," Mamaw said, and Bobby Ray's three youngest filed out of the room. Lilly and Sarah shared a look and didn't move because Miley and Jackson weren't. "I need y'all to keep an eye on them while we get things cleaned up and dinner started. Wear 'em out a little and make sure they don't get into too much trouble."
"What about Luann?" Miley protested.
Mamaw looked around the room as though she hadn't noticed until now that Luann wasn't there. Lilly hadn't noticed she was gone either. "If I see her, I'll send her out. Now get."
Lilly went upstairs to put some real clothes on first, and by the time she made it down to the entryway, Sarah was the only one left inside, still struggling into the coat she'd bought just for this trip. Lilly pulled her boots on and was lacing them tight when she felt someone watching her and looked up to see Aunt Pearl. Lilly ducked her head back down, nervous, and focused on the boot laces.
"How many pairs of socks are you girls wearing?" Pearl demanded.
Lilly glanced at Sarah, who appeared just as surprised and confused and on edge as Lilly. "Um, two?" Lilly said, not sure which one of them Pearl had asked.
Pearl nodded. "Good," she said, and was about to add more when the door flew open.
"Are you guys coming?" Miley asked. "We're gonna have a snowball fight."
"I'm ready," Sarah said gratefully, and Lilly grabbed her coat and quickly slipped it on, wanting to be outside just as badly.
"Let me see your gloves," Pearl said, and Lilly shared another look with Sarah before they both produced their gloves for inspection, Lilly by digging hers out of her coat pockets and Sarah by holding her already-covered hands out. "Those are all right," Pearl said of Lilly's, then grunted when she saw Sarah's. "Those are no good. They'll soak through and your hands will freeze. Miley, switch with her."
"Yes, ma'am," Miley said, pulling her gloves off with her teeth and coming in to yank Sarah's off as well when Sarah just stood there, bewildered.
"And don't get so caught up in beating your brother you stay out so long and let these girls get too cold," Pearl instructed.
"Aunt Pearl, you know I can beat Jackson in ten minutes with one hand behind my back," Miley said, looking affronted, and Lilly thought, This is what she gets offended about?
Pearl grunted again and went down the hall towards the kitchen. Miley shoved them both outside, then took off running for the backyard.
"So I'm confused," Sarah said to Lilly as they followed more sedately after Miley. "Do they think we're horrible sinners and hate us or not?"
"I have no idea," Lilly said, because why would you give someone you just met a present telling them they're going to hell and then turn around and make sure they're wearing enough socks before they go outside?
Miley and Jackson were standing in front of each other, arms crossed, when Lilly and Sarah got to the backyard. Carrie and Maggie stood behind Miley and Marshall stood behind Jackson, the three of them mimicking the older Stewarts' posture.
"Boys against girls," Miley said.
"That's five against two," Jackson said. "No way."
"Lilly and Sarah are liabilities," Miley argued. "They've never been in a snowball fight."
"Hey, I'll have you know I pitched softball for two years," Lilly said, glad to have something to take her mind off of what had happened inside. Miley shot Lilly a glare that meant Lilly should have kept that piece of information quiet and Lilly shrugged an apology. How was she supposed to have known?
"I should've known you'd try to cheat," Jackson said, eyes narrowed. "You take the two liabilities and I get Maggie and Carrie."
"I'm on Lilly's team," Carrie said. She stepped up next to Lilly and wrapped both hands around Lilly's arm, right above her elbow. Lilly stared down at her, startled. Carrie hadn't shown a shred of interest in her all yesterday or this morning.
Miley smirked at Jackson. "You can have Maggie," she said graciously. "Thirty minute for prep."
The two teams retreated out of earshot from each other. Miley chose a spot that was on top of a slight rise and Carrie dropped to her knees and started packing snowballs. "Good," Miley said. "You keep that up while I show Lilly and Sarah how to build up a wall. I'd say we've got about twenty minutes before they attack, so we've got to move fast." She started scooping up snow and packing it down into a low wall they'd be able to hide behind, motioning Lilly and Sarah to do the same.
Once Miley was satisfied that they were doing it well enough, she started making snowballs with Carrie. "Okay, here's the plan. Lilly, you and Carrie are our shooters. I want a constant barrage, don't worry about running out of ammo because I'll have that covered. Sarah, I need you to fake getting hit hard in the first few minutes and then beg to stay under cover and help me. Do it loud enough so they can hear. I'll give you my coat, you fill it with snowballs and sneak down the hill and circle around behind them. Stay down low and they won't see you, we're gonna have all their attention on us. Maggie's our girl on the inside, so once you're in position I'll give the signal and we'll get 'em from the front, back, and right in their own camp. Those boys are never gonna know what hit them."
"You have a secret agent in a snowball fight?" Lilly asked.
"Of course," Miley said. "This is war."
"I don't believe in war," Sarah said.
Miley was momentarily stymied to the point that she stopped making snowballs. Then she cleared her throat. "Well, you know...it's just snow, Sarah. No one'll really get hurt. It's all for fun."
"Yeah," Carrie said, blinking innocently up at Sarah. "And we can't let the boys win. They'll say they're better than us."
Sarah wavered a second and then gave in. "All right. As long as no one gets hurt."
Miley and Carrie went back to making snowballs, double-time, while Lilly and Sarah finished off the wall. Five minutes before Miley had estimated the boys would attack, she grabbed Lilly's sleeve and pulled her off to one side. "Don't tell Carrie," she whispered in Lilly's ear. "But we're in a secret alliance with Jackson. After we cream the boys, I'll give the signal and it's the four of us against the three kids."
"Miley! You're just going to turn against Maggie and Carrie like that? They're on our team!"
"Snowball fights aren't about teams, Lilly," Miley told her. "They're about hitting as many people as possible with snowballs. And this is war, anything goes."
Two minutes after that, Carrie sidled up next to Lilly where she was crouched behind the wall estimating the best throwing spot. "She wants to do a blood war," Carrie muttered, keeping her voice low.
"What?" Lilly said. "Who?"
"Miley," Carrie said. "After we kill the boys, she's gonna give the signal and then it's all of us against you and Sarah. I thought you should know."
Would Miley do that? Lilly looked over at her girlfriend, who was regarding their mounds of snowballs with intense satisfaction and the kind of pride most people normally reserved for their children. Hit as many people as possible, huh? Anything goes?
"Carrie," Lilly said slowly. "Did you notice how it's always Miley giving the signal?"
Carrie looked at her a moment, then started to smile.
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The boys' attack came three minutes behind schedule, and Lilly was so busy firing snowballs she almost didn't have time to notice how Miley's plan was going off without a hitch. Jackson hit her in the head with a snowball and Lilly had to slide down behind the wall until her ears stopped ringing. Good thing Miley had gotten Sarah out of the line of fire for the beginning of this. One hit and Sarah never would have believed that no one was getting hurt.
Lilly had gone back on the offensive and the air was thick with snowballs when Miley suddenly yelled out, "Girls rule!" The first signal, and within seconds Marshall and Jackson were howling.
"Truce, truce!" Jackson called a few minutes later, and the air was clear of icy projectiles for a few seconds. Then Miley shouted, "Robby Ray!" and nailed Carrie in the back of the head.
Unfazed, Carrie whipped around, yelled, "Bobby Ray!" and threw a snowball right back at Miley, who avoided it and then ran from their shelter towards the other one with an armful of snowballs. Lilly and Carrie went after her, Carrie trying unsuccessfully to hit Miley as Miley zigzagged across the open ground and joined her snowballs to the ones Jackson and Sarah were throwing at Marshall and Maggie.
Those two fought back, and the war moved out from the boys' shelter into the middle ground. Lilly had just scooped up some snow and packed it into a sloppy ball when loyalties shifted again at Miley's yell of, "Stewarts!"
Lilly took one look at the five Stewarts, all hefting snowballs in their palms, grabbed Sarah's arm, and took off running for the safety of the boys' wall. Snowballs slammed into them from behind and Lilly threw herself over the wall and into the trampled snow on the other side. Beside her, Sarah did the same. "What just happened?" she asked, panting.
"Miley sold us out," Lilly said, wriggling her shoulders because snow had gotten down her coat and was melting into her clothes. She shivered and turned her head to watch the hail of snowballs flying over them. If they kept that up, there wouldn't be any snowballs left in a second. "Truce," Lilly called. "Truce! Sarah got hit bad!"
The barrage stopped, and first Lilly and then Sarah poked their heads over the wall and straightened up. The Stewarts were a couple feet away, Miley in the middle with the boys on one side and the girls on the other. Miley didn't have even a single snowflake in her hair or on her sweater. She hadn't gotten hit once.
They all stared at each other, breathing heavily, waiting to see if the truce would hold. There was only one thing to do.
"Attack!" Lilly yelled, and Miley disappeared under a volley of missiles. Lilly snatched up an armful of snowballs from the pile behind the wall and fired three in rapid succession as she ran towards Miley.
Miley went down under the onslaught. "Truce," she said, shielding her head with her arms. "Truce, truce, truce."
They had her surrounded, and they were all armed. "Nuh-uh, Miles," Jackson said. "It's surrender or nothing."
Miley lowered her arms and looked around the ring of them, all with snowballs ready to throw. "All right," she said. "Okay. I surrender." She flopped onto her back and let her arms fall at her sides, palms up.
Jackson crowed in triumph and Marshall tossed his snowball in his hand thoughtfully, like he might still throw it, but after one look at Lilly, Carrie kicked his foot and shook her head. "All right, Lilly!" Jackson said, dropping his snowball and pounding Lilly on the back. Marshall and Maggie patted her on the back as well and Carrie went one better and hugged her tightly. "I didn't think we'd ever get Miley," Jackson continued. "She hasn't lost a snowball fight since she was seven. Okay, everyone inside for Loco Hot Cocoa, and I bet we can steal some cookies for breakfast."
Everyone else streamed back towards the house, leaving Lilly standing over Miley, who stared up at her, hurt. Her sweater was caked in white. "Sorry, toad," Lilly said. "But all's fair in love and snowballs." She stuck a hand down to help Miley up, but Miley ignored it.
"Too bad Luann wasn't here. She would've loved to have seen this," Miley sulked.
"Oh, come on," Lilly said, putting her other hand on her hip. "You had an alliance with every person out here, and you stabbed all of us in the back. You totally deserved what you got. Now let's go find your coat and then get some hot chocolate. I can't feel my hands anymore. Or my toes."
Miley sighed and gave it up, taking Lilly's hand and pulling herself to her feet. "Well," she said as they wandered back behind the boys' shelter to look for her coat. "If I had to lose, I'm glad it was to the tactical genius of Lilly Truscott."
"Me?" Lilly laughed. "Nope. I just asked myself what you would do, and that sneaky, underhanded plan sprang right into my mind."
"So what you're saying," Miley said, looking much more cheerful, "is that I really lost to myself, so I didn't really lose at all."
Lilly laughed again and wrapped an arm around Miley's waist. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."
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After the Loco Hot Cocoa, Miley was conscripted into helping cook Christmas dinner and Lilly found herself hovering around the house, not really knowing where to go or what to do. She could go hang out in the kitchen, but she'd just be in the way. Same with the conversation Robby Ray, Bobby Ray, and Earl were having over coffee in the dining room: there wasn't really a place for her in a discussion of pasture rotation schedules. And she wasn't all too eager to hang around anywhere Earl, Pearl, or Bobby Ray were anyway.
Sarah was reading in the living room, but the thought of sitting down made Lilly restless. Jackson and the younger kids had hooked up Marshall's new Xbox 720 in there and were all playing some game, but the thought of joining them made Lilly tired. Luann, Lilly was pretty sure, was somewhere upstairs.
She made a circuit of the rooms downstairs, looking in on everyone, and finally found her cell phone and put her coat and boots back on, still slightly damp from the snowball fight, and slipped out the back door, following the path to the barn. It took her four tries to climb up the first hay bale, and by the time she got to the top of the third one Lilly was convinced her fingers were half cut off, but she hadn't even broken skin.
She watched the red marks from the twine fade into nothing, and then she got her phone out and called her parents' house.
Her mother answered on the fifth ring. "H'lo? Lilly?" Her voice was clouded with sleep and Lilly winced. She wasn't used to being on this side of the time difference. It was just after eleven here, eight in Malibu; her parents had probably been planning on sleeping for at least another hour.
"Hey, Mom," Lilly said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I forgot about the time difference. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas."
"Oh, it's okay," Heather said, and then yawned loudly in Lilly's ear. "I should be getting up anyway."
"Oh," Lilly said, and lay back on the hay bale, looking up at the wooden rafters and corrugated metal roof.
"So how are things out there?" her mom prodded after a moment of silence.
"Good," Lilly said. "They're...fine."
"What's her family like?"
"Her Mamaw's really nice," Lilly said. "And she cooks so much I think I've gained twenty pounds already. And I think one of Miley's cousins has decided we're best friends."
"But?"
"Nothing," Lilly said, feeling a little bit of defensiveness flare up, a need to protect Miley, to not let her mother judge her by her family. "I just miss you guys."
"We miss you, too, honey, but we'll be seeing you in less than a week."
"I know." Lilly could hear her mother get out of bed, could picture her putting on slippers and a robe, going downstairs to start water for tea. "It's just...it's Christmas and I miss you."
"Lilly." Heather sighed, started to say something and stopped. Lilly thought she knew what she'd wanted to say. If you miss us so much now, why did you leave us then?
I didn't, Lilly wanted to tell her, but that wasn't true. She'd left her parents, left Ben, left Oliver.
"What's wrong, Lilly?" her mom asked, and Lilly didn't know how to answer that, because nothing really was, but she wanted something in her life to be easy for once, just one thing, for there to be one thing that was simple, effortless, one thing that didn't ever hurt, not ever, not even a little.
"Does it ever get any easier?" she asked.
"What?"
"I don't know," Lilly said. "Life."
"Oh, honey," her mother said, in a way that made Lilly want to cry. "What's going on out there?"
"It's nothing, really," Lilly insisted, pushing down that urge. "Just some of Miley's family doesn't approve of our relationship." That relationship had been such a touchy subject with her mom for so long that Lilly still avoided talking about it, and this was the closest they'd ever really come to discussing the fact that she was with another girl. She let herself wonder, for the briefest of seconds, what it would be like if she and her mother could talk like they used to, openly, about everything, without someone else's past between them.
Heather didn't answer for a minute, then said, "Some things get easier, baby, but I don't know if that's one of them."
"Yeah," Lilly said, and the thing was, she missed her mom, but she could miss her just as much when she was right there hugging her, and she didn't think that would ever get any easier either.
"They'll get over it," Heather said. "I mean, if I could – "
"It's not like that, Mom."
"I know, sweetie, I'm sorry. What are they saying? Surely Miley wouldn't let them – "
"No, it's not...they haven't really said anything. They've actually been nice, sort of. I think. It's just knowing that they don't...but I don't think Miley cares."
"Well, if she's not bothered by it, maybe you shouldn't be," her mom said.
"I guess," said Lilly, but it was hard not to be worried that she didn't belong here, that she didn't fit into Miley's family.
"I don't know what else to tell you, honey. You know you can always come home early if you want. I'm sure Miley would come with you if you told her you aren't comfortable there."
"No, I think it'll be okay," Lilly said. "They're leaving tonight and it'll just be her Mamaw, and she really is wonderful. But thanks, mom."
"Your father just came downstairs," Heather said. "Do you want to say hi?"
"Sure," Lilly said. "And, mom? Thanks for talking to me. And Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, baby," said her mother, and then Lilly heard the phone changing hands and her dad saying, "Merry Christmas, Lillygoat!"
She forced her voice to match his cheer and talked with him for a while, told him about the snowball fight and how Mamaw could fit more food on a table than Lilly had ever seen before. She turned down his offer to wake up Ben so she could tell him Merry Christmas, asking her dad to just pass the message along instead. She stayed where she was when she hung up, staring at the barn ceiling lost in thought until footsteps sounded on the ground below and she sat up to see Miley coming in the barn.
"Hey," Miley called up to her, standing at the foot of the stack of bales. "I took a break and couldn't find you. I was starting to get worried."
Lilly slid down the hay to the ground, ended up between the last bale and Miley. "I just wanted to call my parents and tell them Merry Christmas."
"How are they?" Miley asked.
"They're good." She leaned back against the hay and let her eyes trace over the lines of Miley's face. Miley stepped in closer and Lilly laid a hand on her cheek. "I really love you," she said.
"I know," Miley said, and then Lilly pulled her in and kissed her, tasted chocolate and cinnamon and chili powder. She kept kissing Miley until her head spun and her hands were clutching Miley's coat like it was the only thing keeping her up.
"Dinner'll be ready in a couple hours," Miley said, her breath hot against Lilly's face, her body heavy against Lilly's. "Come inside and get warm. We could use your help in the kitchen."
"Really?" Lilly said, disbelieving.
Miley took one of Lilly's hands from her coat, rubbed it between both of hers, then kissed the backs of Lilly's fingers. "No. But we could use the company."
Lilly tugged on Miley's coat with her other hand, kissed her again, thought that maybe if this wasn't hard sometimes, it wouldn't be so good the rest of them, that maybe the only things that were ever easy were the ones that weren't important.
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Dinner was long, drawn-out affair. Lilly thought it was over three times before it actually was, because Mamaw kept going into the kitchen and coming back with more food. Carrie had claimed the seat on Lilly's left, Miley was to her right, and Jackson and Sarah were across the table. Lilly spent most of the meal listening to Carrie's descriptions of her school and classmates, but even with them down at the other end of the table, Lilly's stomach clenched every time Earl or Pearl looked in her direction.
Both Lilly and Sarah volunteered to help clean up afterwards since they hadn't cooked, and Lilly somehow ended up talking to Pearl for almost twenty minutes while they were rinsing dishes. Pearl never said anything outright, but Lilly was tense the whole time and the conversation left her stomach unsettled again. She shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner. On a trip carrying dishes from the dining room to the kitchen, Lilly passed by Miley, who'd been cornered by Earl and was getting what seemed to be a forceful lecture.
" – do things without thinking," Earl was saying as Lilly went past. "Things you shouldn't. You always have. Remember that time you told my poker buddies – " Miley nodded dutifully and rolled her eyes a little at Lilly, but despite Miley's unconcern, the little she'd overheard made Lilly's stomach churn even more.
Once everything was finally cleaned up everyone broke off into smaller groups scattered around the house and Lilly realized she had no idea where Miley was. Sarah seemed to realize the same thing about Jackson, so the two of them went in search of the missing siblings, finally climbing the stairs to check the bedrooms up there.
Voices carried out into the hallway from Lilly and Sarah's room. "Ha!" Miley exclaimed, all smug satisfaction. "We're only up to Judges and I've already got more than you!"
"Well, that's a given," Jackson said. "I mean, you've got pre-marital sex and homosexuality. The real question is, what's the total percentage you'll have more than me? I'm guessing forty." Out in the hall, Lilly and Sarah exchanged a look and shrugged, pushing the door open. Miley and Jackson were sprawled out across the bed on their stomachs, each flipping through the Bibles they'd gotten that morning.
"Forty?" Miley was outraged. "Hell no, I'm sleeping with a girl, not a slut or pregnant out of wedlock. Twenty-five."
"Oh, it is on," Jackson said. "Loser cleans out the horses' stalls for Mamaw."
"Deal." They started flipping even faster.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" Sarah asked.
They both stopped turning pages and looked up, traces of guilt on their faces. "We're counting the highlighted verses to see who's a bigger sinner," Miley explained.
"Except of course it's Miley – well, you and Miley, I guess, Lilly, I think y'all's Bibles are the same, 'cause Sarah's and mine are – so really we're trying to figure out how much she's the bigger sinner."
Aghast, Lilly stalked across the room and snatched the Bible out of Miley's hands, slamming it shut. "Hey!" Miley protested. "You lost my place!"
"I can't believe you guys are joking about this," Lilly hissed, the worry she'd been feeling all day erupting. She dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed. "Doesn't it bother you that they gave us something like this?"
Miley and Jackson scrambled up from their prone positions and sat cross-legged. "They didn't mean anything by it, Lilly," Jackson said.
"Yes, they did," said Sarah. She came over but stayed standing, clasping the bottom corner post of the bed with both hands. Lilly shot her a grateful look. How could Miley and Jackson think this was funny? "They're telling us that we're going to hell. It certainly seems like they mean something to me."
"Yeah, but..." Miley trailed off. She and Jackson shared a look. Clearly they had no idea how to explain their relatives to the other two.
"But they only do that because they love us!" Jackson tried.
Lilly snorted. "Yeah, right. If you love someone, you don't give them a Bible and highlight all the verses that say they're going to hell."
"But they're doing it because they don't want us to go to hell," Jackson said. "I mean, once Sarah and I get married, they'll stop with us, and, okay, you and Miley will probably be getting a Bible for Christmas every year for the rest of your lives, but..."
"That's just because they think we're misguided," Miley broke in. "You know, like 'hate the sin, love the sinner'." Jackson nodded in agreement.
"So...this – " Lilly brandished the Bible. " – is supposed to be a gesture of love?"
"Exactly." Jackson looked relieved now that he thought Lilly understood, evidently missing the skepticism in her voice. "We're family, and you love family no matter what."
"Maybe they love the two of you," Sarah argued. "But they've got to hate us. After all, we're the reasons you're living in sin, or whatever they call it."
"No, no, no, no, no," Miley said. She and Jackson both shook their heads vigorously, as though that idea was just insane. "They're crazy about you guys."
"Yeah," Jackson said. "I mean, Aunt Pearl made that vegan casserole just for you, Sarah. I didn't even know she knew what vegan meant. She told me she went online three nights in a row until she found a recipe she thought you'd like."
"And, Lilly," Miley said earnestly, "Uncle Earl talked my ear off for almost an hour about what a great catch you are and how I'd better not do something stupid and mess this up."
Lilly and Sarah stared at them in patent disbelief. "That makes zero sense," Lilly said flatly.
"Sure it does," Jackson said. "Lilly, Sarah...you guys are family, too."
"Yeah," said Miley. "That's why they gave you Bibles. If they didn't like you, you'd have gotten, like, soap or something. Nasty, smelly soap. Believe me, if they didn't like you, you'd know."
There was a moment of silence as Sarah and Lilly considered that. "I mean, I know it seems horrible, on the surface," Jackson said. "But they mean well, and they aren't going to change any more than we are, and they're family, so...sometimes you just have to take their gestures for what they are, and laugh about it, because, well, what else is there to do?"
Sarah looked at Lilly. "Is it just me, or did that sort of, kind of, in some weird, warped way make sense?"
Lilly nodded. "I think we've been here too long."
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The whole family congregated again in the living room to give the adults a chance to catch up on all the latest family gossip while the kids messed around with some of the presents they'd gotten that morning. Lilly and Sarah had their own, whispered, side conversation that consisted mostly of expressions of amazement about just how many relatives the Stewarts had. Before tonight, Lilly had thought she'd been doing good learning who everyone was, but now names were being tossed out faster than Lilly could keep up. "Second cousin," Miley would say in her ear, or, "cousin twice removed." Lilly wasn't even sure what the difference between those two was, let alone whether she possessed any of them herself.
Her interest in a conversation about a large group of people she'd never heard of palled quickly, so when Miley laid her head on Lilly's shoulder and looked at her with sad puppy-dog eyes and complained about being thirsty and cold, Lilly dug an elbow into her ribs but didn't really mind going to make her some hot chocolate. The only light on in the kitchen was the hood light above the stove. Lilly didn't bother to flip on the overhead since she was only coming in for minute.
"I've been watchin' y'all." The voice spoke out of the darkness and almost made Lilly drop the mug she'd just gotten out of the kitchen cabinet. She'd thought she was alone, but evidently not.
Lilly turned her head, looking over at the table where Luann was sitting. "Who?"
"You 'n Miley." Her voice twisted with hatred on her cousin's name, and Lilly realized this was the first time since dinner that she'd seen Luann, and dinner had been the first time since they opened presents that morning. It was Christmas and Luann had spent most of it alone. Lilly had felt out of place here for most of the day, and now she thought about how much worse it would be to feel out of place your whole life, in your own family, to feel like you weren't quite good enough because there was always someone else there, someone who looked just like you, who was always center stage, who was better at a lot of things and couldn't wait to prove it. No wonder Luann had pushed Miley down a well.
Lilly pulled a second mug from the cabinet, filled the cups with water from the tap, and stuck them in the microwave on high. "Well, watch us all you want, just leave us alone."
"Y'all really love each other."
It wasn't a question, but Lilly responded anyway. "Yes."
"I want that." She sounded defiant, like she expected Lilly to make fun of her.
"You want it because you want to love someone, or because it's one more thing Miley has that you don't?"
Luann didn't answer and Lilly watched the seconds tick down on the microwave until it beeped at her. She retrieved the mugs and spooned hot chocolate mix from the canister into them, then stirred. "She always gets everything," Luann spat.
The spoon clanked against the sink bottom as Lilly set it down. She carried both mugs to the table and sat down in front of Luann. Steam curled up from the surface of the hot chocolate. "This has to stop," she told Luann. "You have to let it go. You guys aren't kids anymore. Miley isn't taking anything from you. You say you want what she has? Fine. Then go out and get it. You're the only one stopping yourself. All hating her is going to get you is angry and alone."
Luann stared at her for a minute before she looked away, eyes falling on the hot chocolate. "Those for y'all?" she asked sullenly.
"No." Lilly stood, picking up one of the cups. She slid the other across the table. "That one's for you." Luann looked up in surprise. "I hope you find what you're looking for."
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It was late by the time by the time conversation in the living room ground to a halt and Earl, Pearl, and Bobby Ray's family were finally ready to leave. Both Marshall and Maggie had already succumbed to sleep and had to be carried out to the car by Bobby Ray and Robby Ray. Everyone else swarmed out on the porch to say goodbye, no one except Lilly and Sarah taking any notice of the frosty air. This was the last time they'd all be together for a while, so everyone seemed bound and determined to get individual goodbye hugs from everyone else. Carrie clung to Lilly for a good five minutes before she would consent to let go and hug Jackson goodbye instead. The process went considerably faster for Lilly after that, which she was grateful for since she'd left her coat inside like everyone else who wasn't leaving.
"Reckon we'll see y'all tomorrow," Pearl said, nearly smothering Lilly in a hug. "Now you be sure an' read that Bible, ya hear? It'll set ya right." Lilly clenched her jaw, having no idea how to respond.
Miley came to her rescue. "Thanks, Aunt Pearl," she said, voice too sugary-sweet to be sincere, though it didn't seem like Aunt Pearl noticed. "We sure will. Y'all have a safe drive back."
Earl and Pearl had already driven away and Bobby Ray and Rachael were saying their last goodbyes when Luann suddenly cut through the crowd and hugged Lilly. Lilly didn't know if she or Miley was more surprised, and Miley took a step forward, clearly intending to pull her cousin off her girlfriend, but Lilly warned her away with a look.
"Bye, Lilly," Luann mumbled.
Awkwardly, Lilly got her arms around Luann and patted her on the back. "Bye, Luann."
Luann pulled away and she and Miley regarded each other warily, looking for all the world like two dogs that had just met and hadn't decided yet if they were going to fight or be friends. "Bye, Miley," Luann said at last.
"Bye," Miley answered, thoroughly confused at Luann's apparent lack of hostility.
As they were following Mamaw, Robby Ray, Jackson, and Sarah back inside, Miley grabbed Lilly's arm, making her hang back a bit. "What the hell was that?" she hissed into Lilly's ear.
"I'm not sure," Lilly said. "But I think it was a good sign."
———————————————
The house was finally quiet, and Lilly slid out of bed with a soft goodnight to Sarah, who by now was used to her bedmate disappearing as soon as everyone retired for the night. Lilly tiptoed down the hall and cracked open Miley's door just enough so that she could squeeze inside and close it behind her.
Miley was changing, just about to put on the shirt that matched her candy cane pajama pants when Lilly stopped her with a hand on her arm. A questioning glance was met with a small shake of Lilly's head. It had been a long day, and they were both too tired to do anything, but it had been a long day, and Lilly needed to feel Miley's skin against hers as they slept. Miley got the message and shucked off her pants and underwear before climbing into the bottom bunk.
"Hurry up," she ordered, shivering. "It's freezing under here."
Pulling off her own pajamas, Lilly flipped the light off and dove across the room and under the covers. They huddled against each other and shivered until their body heat took the chill from the sheets. "Why do they always have to be so cold?" Lilly asked plaintively from her position mostly on top of Miley.
"They know you hate cold and they're out to get you?" Miley theorized, wrapping her arms around Lilly. "Hey," she said more seriously, "are you okay? I'm sorry some of my relatives are crazy. And I'm even sorrier it didn't occur to me it would bother you so much, I would have run interference for you if it had."
"No, it's okay," Lilly said. "I mean, I'm okay, I think. It was just kind of unexpected. I know you warned me, but then everyone was so nice, I guess I just kind of let my guard down..."
"Yeah, I'm kinda surprised Uncle Bobby didn't say anything," Miley remarked. "I know Luann's mom would have if she was still around. I guess Rachael's been a better influence on him than I'd realized."
"Do you really think it's funny your aunt and uncle believe we're going to hell?" Lilly asked, finally voicing the question that had been niggling at her all night.
"Yeah," said Miley. "I'm sorry, but I really do. You don't know them like I do, Lilly, they think everyone is going to hell. And I mean, we both know we aren't, so – "
"We do?" Certainly Lilly didn't think they were, but Miley had spoken with the confidence of someone stating that two plus two was four, and Lilly wondered how she'd gotten so sure.
"Uh, yeah, hello?" Miley said, rapping Lilly's forehead lightly with her knuckles. "Angel? I think she woulda mentioned something if there was gonna be a problem."
"Oh my god." Lilly buried her face against Miley's neck, cheeks burning with embarrassment at her own idiocy. "I never even thought of that."
"Boy, are you stupid," Miley joked, then yelped when Lilly bit the side of her neck.
"I guess that does kind of put a different perspective on things," Lilly said thoughtfully.
"Yeah, it sorta just makes them seem..."
"As misguided as they think we are?" Lilly finished.
"Exactly," Miley agreed. The covers around them were cozy now, and Miley was warm under her, and Lilly felt the stresses and worries of the day start to fade away, sublimated by the comfort of being in such close contact with Miley. "But, hey," Miley continued, less serious now. "That wasn't the only trial you went through today."
A yawn cracked Lilly's face open. "What are you talking about?" she muttered, laughing a little when Miley caught the yawn-bug.
Fingers tickled against Lilly's side and made her squirm. "I saw you ate the collard greens."
"Oh," Lilly said. "That. Yeah, I was just, um...trying to be polite. That's all."
"Uh huh," Miley said skeptically. "And yet you seem remarkably untraumatized by your ordeal. In fact, you haven't complained about it once all night. Could it be – dare I say it? – that you liked them?"
"Okay, fine, yes," Lilly admitted. "I liked them. They were delicious. There. Are you happy now?"
"Hell yes, I'm happy now," Miley crowed.
"Don't even think about saying – "
"I told you so, I told you so, I told you so," Miley said gleefully. "I have been telling you for years how good they are, but noooo, you wouldn't even try them, and now come to find out I was right!"
This time Lilly was the one who attacked, fingers tickling just below Miley's ribs to get her to shut up. It worked – Miley was extremely ticklish there and was helpless with laughter – and Lilly didn't let up until Miley had twisted them around so that she was on top, draped over Lilly like a warm, heavy blanket, pinning Lilly's hands between their bodies.
"Ow, Miley, you're smushing my fingers," she complained.
"Really?" Miley asked.
"Yes."
Miley lifted her weight enough that Lilly could free her hands and then settled back down, half on the bed and half on Lilly. "Poor fingers," she said. "I'm sorry." Reaching down and capturing one of Lilly's hands, she massaged the fingers and then brought the hand to her mouth, kissing the back of each finger like she had earlier in the barn. "All better." Dropping Lilly's hand, she wriggled around into a comfortable position with her head tucked against Lilly's shoulder. "You realize this means you're gonna have to try grits now."
"Ew," Lilly squealed. "Can't I just promise to let you make collard greens at home?"
"Oh, I think we'll be doing both those things," Miley assured her.
"Fine," Lilly grumbled, knowing she didn't really have a leg to stand on.
"That's my girl," Miley said happily. She lifted her head and pecked a kiss on the edge of Lilly's jaw.
Lilly yawned again. "Your sleepy girl."
"Goodnight, sleepy girl. I love you."
"Goodnight." Lilly turned her head and scooted down a bit so that her face was level with Miley's and she could kiss her goodnight. "I love you, too. Merry Christmas."
Miley snuggled closer. "Merry Christmas," she whispered.
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Due to Christmas, the next chapter will be up...let's say Saturday. And I may take a short break after that.
Happy Hanukkah and an early Merry Christmas to everyone!