A/N: Wow, this is really late, so I imagine a lot of people have given up on it. But to those of you who are still sticking with me, no matter how slow this story is, no matter how long it takes me to update: I thank you.

I've struggled a great deal with this chapter, it hasn't come out at all how I wanted it, but I hope you still enjoy it.

Gilbert tugged at the band around his wrist, but it refused to rip. He sighed, disgruntled, before dropping his hand to his side and continuing to walk through the hospital.

He was slightly irritated that they had made him leave so early, but he was apparently well enough to leave, he muttered angrily to himself as he turned into the scarcely populated lobby and stopped short when he noticed Roderich standing near to the doorway.

Gilbert frowned and walked over to him, "What are you doing here?" he asked.

Roderich jumped slightly, clearly so lost in his own little world that he had failed to notice Gilbert going over to him. "Oh, well, um," Roderich rolled his eyes, seemingly at his own incompetence, and said, "I came to pick you up, idiot. It's not like you know your way home from here."

Gilbert raised his eyebrows as he followed Roderich, who had started to walk out of the hospital, "I have been in hospital before, you know."

"I'm aware," Roderich sighed, "Your wrist was in a cast for quite while," he frowned and his eyes flickered to Gilbert before once again focusing on the road ahead, "But that would have been the Children's Hospital."

Gilbert coughed as they passed a group of smokers standing a short distance from the hospital, before replying, "Huh, thought it looked kind of different."

Roderich tutted slightly, but didn't say anything. They carried on walking, past buildings that Gilbert vaguely recognised from his childhood, but most of which he couldn't really remember what purpose they served. They turned down a road, Gilbert spotted a small clothes shop that he had been to a couple of times as a teenager with Antonio and Francis. He smiled slightly to himself and only half registered that Roderich had turned around and started heading back up the road they had just come down. When Gilbert realised that he was no longer following anyone, he ran to catch up with him, "Er, what are you doing?"

"I went the wrong way," Roderich admitted quietly.

Gilbert laughed as he fell into step beside his old friend, "Where exactly are we going?"

"A car park nearby," Roderich explained, "Elisaveta's waiting with the car."

"Why didn't you just use the hospital carpark?"

Roderich shrugged, "It's more expensive."

They walked in silence for about a minute before they both started speaking at once.

"How long were you-"

"Look, I should probably-"

Gilbert laughed again and a small smile appeared on Roderich's face. "Awkward," Gilbert said, "You go first, save the best 'til last"

The smile disappeared from Roderich's face, "I just wanted to apologise…for, um, kissing you."

Gilbert looked down at his feet, where for some reason he was wearing a pair of Antonio's shoes, a sort of half-smile on his face, "You talk to Elisaveta?"

"Yes, she got pretty angry with me, not because I'd gone behind her back…she was mad because I'd forced you into that situation, which is exactly the kind of thing that you're trying to get away from. So I'm sorry."

Gilbert was surprised, he had to admit, he hadn't really thought of it like that, probably because he had been so shocked that it had even happened.

Roderich continued, "I can understand if you don't want to be around me anymore, and-"

"Dude, chill. You're overreacting a bit," Gilbert smiled, but he wasn't really sure how convincing it was, "I'm fine, okay? Just don't go surprise kissing people in future, yeah?"

Roderich smiled, "Okay…what were going to say anyway?"

"Oh, I was just gonna ask you how long you were standing in the hospital foyer."

"Only about half an hour, I think," Roderich replied as they entered a multi-story car park. Gilbert spotted what he recognised as Elisaveta's car, and ran ahead of Roderich over to it. He rapped his knuckles against the glass of the passenger seat window. Elisaveta smiled and waved at him as he pulled himself into the back.

Roderich sat in the passenger seat, and started to talk to Elisaveta. Gilbert wasn't really registering what they were talking to them, he simply watched them; how they would casually make contact as they spoke, how Elisaveta seemed to glow with happiness every time Roderich looked at her, he watched as they continued to talk, seemingly having so much to talk about, because they could tell each other anything and he felt a pain in his chest as he realised how badly he wanted to have that kind of connection with someone, but how he never could, because he was so terrified of it at the same time.

The car pulled to stop and Gilbert glanced out the window.

At Arthur's pub.

His heart froze and he snapped his head back to the front of the car, "What are we doing here?" He asked, panicked.

Elisaveta stepped out the car as she answered, "Gilbert, I know you're scared," she opened the door to the back of the car and held out her hand, "But if you don't face your fears, they'll grow, and it'll only get worse. If we don't take you back here, there's no way you'll do it alone, I know that. We're trying to help, Gilbert, I promise."

Gilbert shook his head, unable to say anything. He couldn't go back in there, not with the danger of Ivan returning, and what if he was in there now? He shook his head again and choked, "I can't, Liz, you don't understand. I can't go back there, it reminds me…reminds me of everything that happened when I had to live with him, you have no idea what that's like."

She smiled sadly back at him, "I know he hurt you, and I know I'm never going to be able to understand what that feels like, but you've got to trust me, this'll do you good."

Gilbert glanced at the pub again, which looked so much bigger and so much darker than the last time he was there, he glanced at Roderich who nodded at him, prompting him to listen to Elisaveta. He sighed, swallowed his fear and shakily stepped out of the car.

Elisaveta smiled and took his hand. He felt his chest warm slightly and he immediately felt safer, "I swear to you," she said, "If that bastard is in there, I will fucking pummel him to death."

Roderich coughed pointedly and said, "Or we could just call the police."

Elisaveta pulled a disgusted face, "Jail is too good for that motherfucker."

They got to the door and Gilbert felt his whole body stop, refusing to move any closer, to actually venture inside. Elisaveta turned and smiled encouragingly at him.

"It'll be fine," Roderich assured him, "Honestly, you'll realise you're making a fuss over nothing."

Gilbert urged himself to move, slowly, one foot at a time until he pushed open the door and stepped inside. Elisaveta lead him over to the bar, where Arthur was just finishing a conversation with an old customer. He turned to Gilbert, "Ah! Gilbert, I heard you ended up in hospital, are you feeling all right?"

Gilbert tried to nod, but his body wasn't listening to him, and all he seemed able to do was nervously look around, checking each and every customers face, just in case Ivan, or someone else associated with him was there. Eventually, his gaze returned to Arthur, but by now he had completely forgotten what he had asked.

Arthur said a quick hello to Roderich and Elisaveta before turning back to Gilbert, a worried expression on his face, "Gilbert, is there something up?"

Gilbert looked at Elisaveta, who's face fell. Gilbert realised he must look awful, and to be honest he didn't really care. He glanced at the men's bathroom, almost daring Ivan to appear. He looked back at Elisaveta and felt tears forming in his eyes, "I can't stay here," he said quietly.

"Gilbert, nothing is happening, you're fine, see?"

He shook his head, she didn't understand, he felt strangled, he could almost feel Ivan there, and he didn't like it. He didn't like it one little bit.

He glanced at the door, then at Arthur, who looked thoroughly confused. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm and jumped, almost certain that it was Ivan, but then he realised the hands were too small and he turned to see Roderich smiling at him, it was just a small smile, Roderich never smiled that much, "He can't hurt you, I promise."

Gilbert stared back at Roderich, he wanted to tell him to keep his hand there forever, he had come to love just being touched, the feeling of human contact that didn't hurt him, that didn't make him want to die. But he had no idea how to explain that to Roderich, so he just smiled back, before bursting into tears and falling against Roderich's shoulder.

"I can't stay here," he sobbed, "Please just let me go."

Roderich sighed, but he didn't sound angry, "Gilbert, you need to pull yourself together, you're fine."

For a short time the only sound that filled Gilberts ears were the murmuring sounds of people speaking in the background, some song he didn't know playing and the sound of his own tears. Then Roderich spoke up, "You know Arthur, the music you play in here is dreadful."

Arthur, who sounded half-irritated and half-confused at Gilbert's actions replied, "Well if it bothers you so much, there's a piano in the corner of the room, you can play your own bloody music."

Gilbert lifted his head up, feeling slightly embarrassed to see what Roderich's response would be.

He 'hmph'ed slightly before saying, "Very well," and walking over to the piano.

Arthur raised his (rather large) eyebrows; he obviously hadn't expected Roderich to actually listen. Then he simply shrugged and turned off the music that was currently playing.

Gilbert smiled to himself as Roderich struck the first key on the piano. He always wished he had learnt to play piano along side violin, but he didn't think he would ever be able to play it as well as Roderich did anyway.

As he continued to play, people around the pub went much quieter, and looked over to him. Obviously, the piano wasn't put to much use when there were customers around. But it wasn't out of tune, so it must have been used a little. Perhaps Arthur played it sometimes in private.

Gilbert tried to work out the piece, but couldn't for the life of him work out what was being played; it could have been an improvisation for all he knew, or a piece Roderich had composed himself previously. Whatever it was, it sounded wonderful and Gilbert could tell the rest of the pub had the same feeling.

He glanced over at Elisaveta, who was beaming. She caught his gaze and held out her hand. "Let's dance," she suggested.

Gilbert laughed, all previous thoughts of Ivan completely forgotten, "I don't dance, I don't know how to dance."

Elisaveta shrugged, "I'll teach you."

Gilbert gave Elisaveta a disbelieving look, but when she didn't back down he gave in and took her left hand with his right, before placing his other hand tentatively on her waist.

They started to dance, Elisaveta was laughing, and Gilbert was pretty sure he looked completely stupid. He had no idea what he was doing, and was extremely thankful that Elisaveta was as good as leading.

He spotted Arthur, who seemed to have a sad, rather lonely smile on his face. The sound of other people standing up reached his ears, as they joined him and Elisaveta, there seemed to be a buzz in the air, a sort of collectiveness that Gilbert hadn't felt in a long time. As more people joined them, he felt his heart rate speed up as thoughts of Ivan resurfaced. If he walked into the pub now, Gilbert could hardly get away very easily.

Elisaveta sensed his discomfort and squeezed his shoulder lightly, "You're safe," she said softly, "We're here."

He opened his mouth, to tell her that it didn't change anything; that he still felt sick; that he wanted to go; that he wasn't sure she could save him a second time. But as he looked at her smiling face, and he caught Roderich's eyes, which were full of jealousy, worry and something Gilbert couldn't quite place his finger on, he just couldn't bring himself to say anything. Besides, maybe he really was safe.

He relaxed his shoulders and continued to dance with Elisaveta, as Roderich continued to play his still unrecognisable piece, he could feel his head starting to spin, and the people around him, who had seemed so clear just a few seconds ago, had suddenly gone out of focus. He looked worriedly at Elisaveta, who suddenly seemed so far away. He started laughing, nothing was funny, nothing at all, he just felt like laughing, and now he had started he couldn't stop.

He heard his name being called out, but he couldn't place whose voice it was, or where it was coming from, and he didn't really care. In fact, he was feeling rather-

He opened his eyes as he felt cool water dripping down his face. Four worried faces were leaning over him, Arthur, who was holding a wet cloth to his forehead; Elisaveta, who was holding Roderich's hand and looking rather distressed; Roderich was smiling warily at him, but looked almost as pale as Elisaveta, and Mathias…Oh, Gilbert hadn't even realised Mathias had been there.

He blinked up at them all, "Did I faint again?"

Arthur sighed, "Yes, and you managed to cause quite a scene out of it, you scared half of the customers to death, one woman tried to call an ambulance, she thought you were dying, I swear if you've scared away any customers…" he sighed and shook his head, "I'm sorry, how are you feeling?"

He grimaced, "Not great," he looked around the pub instinctively, checking for Ivan, when he didn't see him, he spoke again, "How long was I out this time?"

Roderich glanced at his watch, before saying, "Not too long, it's only been a few minutes."

He nodded and pulled himself up slightly, indicating to the wet cloth on his forward, "I'm not sure how much that's helping."

Arthur pulled it off, "Well, I thought it might…" He looked uncomfortable away, not able to look Gilbert in the eye as he continued to speak, "Francis told me what happened…I'm sorry."

Gilbert smiled shakily at him, "Don't be, I'm alright now, see?"

Arthur raised one eyebrow, "Sure you are, hence why you were freaking out when you first came in here, and why you fainted. Do you want a drink?"

Gilbert shook his head as a very confused Mathias asked, "What are you guys on about?"

"Nothing," Gilbert replied as he pulled himself up, clinging to the side of the bar to steady himself, "I need to go home, I can't stay here," he looked up at Roderich and Elisaveta, almost expecting them to ask him to stay again, but they both nodded and Roderich offered himself as support to help Gilbert walk out to the car, through the rain that had started to pour down since they had gone inside the pub.

"I'm sorry," Elisaveta said, as she turned the key in the ignition, "I thought it might help you."

Gilbert nodded, but he wasn't really in the mood for conversation any more. On the way back home, he didn't even glance in the front of the car, which he had so obsessively scrutinised earlier, he simply stared blankly out the window and at the rain that dripped down the window, cursing himself for not being able to function in any sort of situation.

He felt his surroundings draw to a halt and was going to unbuckle his seatbelt when Elisaveta turned around to look at him, "I know you're not going to want to go out much after seeing Ivan at Arthur's pub…but I'm meeting an old friend later this week for coffee, you can join us if you want, getting out might do you some good."

Gilbert nodded, "I'll think about it," he muttered as he stepped out of the car.

He glanced at the house and realised with a small jolt that there were two people standing outside of it. For a second he didn't recognise them, because the rain was falling so heavy now that it was nigh on impossible to see more than a few metres ahead, and the rain had also messed up their hair and made it look darker.

But as he walked over towards them, he realised it was only Francis and Antonio, who had clearly been waiting for a considerable amount of time for him, huddled together in their raincoats in the rain. They smiled at him as he drew near, water dripping off their faces.

He smiled back, "You know," he said, hearing his voice waver, "You could've used an umbrella."

Francis walked forward and held out his arms. Gilbert didn't need any sort of prompt; he didn't need Francis to say anything at all, he just walked right over and practically stumbled into Francis's embrace. He rested his head on the side of Francis's face and as he felt Antonio's hand on his back he started crying again.

He cried for everything that had happened when he was younger, for being trapped with Ivan for eight years; he cried for all the time he had lost with Roderich, and his two friends who were now comforting him, and for all the friends he could have made if life had been so kind; he cried because he didn't know where his life was going, or how it was going to get there.

And standing in the miserable British weather clinging to the two people in the world who he knew would always be there for him, he cried because, for the first time, his friends knew why.

It was quite a while before Gilbert finally calmed down, and the three friends entered their house. Antonio and Francis told Gilbert to wait in the kitchen, while they went to fetch towels so they could all dry off after being absolutely drenched by the rain.

He fell onto one of the stools in the kitchen but jumped right up again when he realised that a young woman was sitting on one of the other stools. She glanced up at him, a somewhat bored expression on her face.

He stared down at her for a few seconds, then realising it was probably just some girl that Francis took a fancy to, he sat down again. There was a very awkward silence as the girl turned back to the book she must have been reading before Gilbert came in.

Why the hell were Antonio and Francis taking so long?

"Er…Hi," he said, making a rather lame attempt at conversation.

She looked up at him, scrutinising him over her glasses, "'ello," she said, rather monotonously, before looking down at your book.

Gilbert smiled at her accent, "Ah, you're French, no wonder Francis is screwing you."

The woman's face flushed bright red in an instant as she snapped her book shut and finally turned her attention to Gilbert, "I beg your pardon?" She said angrily, clearly affronted at what he had said.

Gilbert swore internally, "Er, right, misunderstanding, who are you eactly?"

She frowned, "Gilbert, we've met before, I'm Emilie…I'm Francis's sister. I'm also lesbian. So I am most certainly not screwing him."

Gilbert laughed, and Emilie looked, if possible, even more affronted. When he calmed down slightly, he apologised, "I haven't seen you in a long time," he added, "You looked pretty different last time I saw you."

Emilie looked like she was about to make some sort of remark back, but noisy chatter from the doorway interrupted her as Francis walked in, laughing with another girl (who Gilbert had a feeling he had seen before, but couldn't work out where from), as he rubbed his blond hair with a small towel. Antonio was walking behind, holding a couple more towels, chatting to Lovino and grinning at Gilbert.

Gilbert smiled weakly back as Antonio handed him a rather fluffy blue towel, "Sorry we took so long, bumped into Vicky and Lovi upstairs and got talking," he smiled at Emilie, "Hey, Em, sorry we were waiting for so long outside."

Emilie smiled vaguely at Antonio as she pulled a cigarette out of her purse, "It's no problem, I was busy with my book anyway."

Gilbert frowned as she drew the cigarette up to her mouth and lit it with a pretty expensive-looking lighter. Although cigarette smoke was so very different to the horrendous smell of burning flesh, Gilbert still found the smell uncomfortable. Outside of the hospital it had certainly been stronger, but he was in an open area, so it was somewhat less terrifying. In a cramped space, a kitchen no less, the smell was all he could really concentrate on and it was making him feel nauseous. He felt his back prickling slightly and shifted uncomfortably, but no one seemed to notice.

The so-called 'Vicky' had finally finished talking to Francis about goodness-knows-what and smiled at Gilbert, "Hey," she said, placing a slim hand on one hip, "I'm Victoria, Emilie's partner, it's nice to finally meet you! Francis has told me all about you."

He looked between her and Emilie; it was rather shocking how different they were. Whilst Emilie was pale and blonde, with her hair neatly done into a plait, Victoria was dark-skinned, with long dark hair, pulled loosely up into two pigtails. Whilst Emilie had been rather hostile, and clearly untrusting, Victoria was very friendly and seemed like good fun. And whilst the poised Emilie continued to smoke, Gilbert couldn't imagine Victoria, no that sounded too formal, Vicky ever even touching a cigarette.

He smiled back at her, "Well, I dread to think what he's told you, but hey."

Antonio glanced around the kitchen, "Who's up for some coffee then? Because I'm still freezing."

Gilbert nodded, "Yeah, I wouldn't mind some actually." Everyone else murmured their agreement.

Antonio grinned, "Okay, you guys go into the lounge, it's probably warmer there, and I'll sort out drinks."

There were quite a few more people than the house was used to, so getting everyone comfortably sitting in the living room proved rather difficult and eventually, Gilbert found himself sitting to the left of Emilie, which, he had to admit, he wasn't all too pleased with; she seemed terribly stuck-up.

As he fell on the sofa next to her, he noticed her wince slightly and immediately pull out her book to read. He frowned slightly, why was she so unsociable?

Antonio walked into the room with a precariously laden tray as he somehow managed to turn the television on with just his foot, but by the looks of things, it would only act as background noise. He placed the tray down on the coffee table and then sat down next to Lovino, putting his arm round him as the younger man tried to squirm out of his reach and already starting conversation about something that Gilbert knew nothing about.

Gilbert quietly watched his friends for a bit, he wasn't really in the mood for talking, and they all seemed to get along so well with each other anyway. He turned his attention instead to Emilie, who at first appeared to be reading a rather large book, but the more he watched her, the more he noticed that she wasn't paying much attention to the book at all. She hadn't turned a page in about ten minutes and her eyes kept darting upwards.

Gilbert assumed she was watching Vicky, probably to see if Francis started flirting with her but when he followed her gaze he noticed it landed on Antonio. He frowned again and continued to watch her, noticing that whenever Lovino started telling Antonio to get off him, her hands would tighten on her book and her gaze would linger slightly. She was acting rather how he imagined he had when he wasn't sure about how consensual their relationship was.

Then it dawned on him.

He smiled sadly to himself then leaned over to Emilie, "You too, huh?"

She jumped and whipped her head round so that her plait when flying into Gilbert's face. After a bit of apologising and a few 'it's fine's, a puzzled look appeared on Emilie's face, "Me too, what?"

"You, er," Gilbert tried to think exactly how he could phrase it without sounding ridiculously insensitive, "I saw you watching Antonio and Lovino," he said, indicating to them, "You seemed somewhat uncomfortable…I just wondered whether you'd had a bad experience in a relationship."

Emilie looked at him blankly for a few seconds before pulling out a cigarette and slowly lighting it. She took a drag of her cigarette before finally speaking, "You're sharp," she said simply, and then smiled slightly for the first time that day, "I seem to have misjudged you, I apologise. But yes, when I was at university, I started dating a girl who wasn't exactly lovely, but I was young, and foolish, and I didn't really know how to get out of it." She sighed and took another drag on her cigarette, looking at Gilbert expectantly.

He leaned back slightly in his seat, ad was about to say something when he heard Antonio calling his name, "Oh my God, Gilbert, do you remember that time we convinced a teacher that there was a fire in the art department, and they punched the fire alarm on, and we got the rest of the afternoon off?" He didn't pause to let Gilbert answer as he continued to talk to the group, "So this kid had…" Gilbert tuned out of what he was saying, and turned back to Emilie.

"Not much to say really, ended up being pseudo-kidnapped by a Russian guy who was probably about twice my age and had this sick twisted idea that we were in a relationship."

Emilie raised her eyebrows slightly as smoke exhaled from her mouth. Gilbert stared disgustedly at the cigarette, "Why the hell do you smoke? Doesn't the smell make you feel sick?"

She glanced down at her cigarette, surprised, "No, it calms me down, I always overthink things, and even though it's been years since I met the girl who abused me, she's not someone who's easy to forget. I always get stressed, and smoking helps me relax."

"Huh, fair enough. I just can't stand the smell, bad memories attached to it."

Emilie nodded understandingly and put her cigarette out on the tray that still sat on the coffee table.

"How long were you with her?" Gilbert asked, slightly worried that he was asking too much.

Emilie sighed, "About two years," she said, "It was all right at first, we had a lot of fun, but then she stated demanding things from me that I wasn't comfortable with, and she would start 'urting me. She would always apologise the next day, and she promised she wouldn't do it again. I believed her, of course, but she never stopped. But I kept believing her, and I told myself it would get better and it took me what felt like forever before I finally left her," she shuddered slightly, "Thank goodness."

Her eyes were drawn back to the group again as she finished talking, but this time her eyes really did go to Vicky. "Was it hard," Gilbert asked, "Getting into a relationship again? I mean, you must have been pretty scared after the first time."

Emilie turned her attention back to him and nodded, "It was difficult, sure, but Vicky's very different…and she's always so 'appy, but she's understanding too, she knows I need space sometimes," she smiled affectionately, looking at Vicky again, "She saved me."

Gilbert couldn't help feeling a little hope in what Emilie was saying, even if he couldn't completely forget, or get over, what had happened, that didn't mean he wouldn't be able to cope with a proper relationship in the future. "I'm still terrified, that I won't be able to cope, or that I'll end up hurting them," he admitted, "And the only people I'm really interested in are in a relationship with each other, so that kind of sucks."

They didn't talk much for the rest of the evening, Gilbert knew she probably didn't want to talk in detail about what had happened to her, and he was pleased that she seemed to realise the same about him. But there was definitely something different about the air between them now, the judgement, and hostility had disappeared and been replaced with a mutual understanding, and respect.

Later in the night, when Victoria and Emilie were going home, Emilie hugged Gilbert and whispered quietly in his ear, "You'll find someone, believe me. Good luck."

And it took everything Gilbert had not to break down crying for the umpteenth time that day.

I have a huge thing for MonacoxSeychelles...They might be popping up again in a later chapter.

Please review! Whether you're a first-time reviewer on this fic, or you review every chapter, I just love to know what you think.