Chapter 21

Distortion of One's Worldview and Relationships

"Captain." Before Hoshi could continue Paxton appeared on the vid screen.

"I've just taken over the Verteron array on Mars. I can now fire on any ship or facility in the system." They all watched as a blast made a new crater on the Moon. "I have no intention of using this weapon again, provided that every single non-human in our system leaves immediately. I know there will be questions. We've been dealing with non-humans for almost a century."

Archer shouted at Sato, "Block that transmission."

"He's on every frequency. The signal's going system-wide." Hoshi shouted back.

Archer turned to the tactical station. "Then target his ship. Take out their communications."

The young ensign frantically tried to do what the Captain asked. "He's tied his warp reactor into the array. If we hit him, it'll take out half of Utopia Colony."

"Open a channel to Starfleet." Archer stared at the screen.

"Everything's jammed." T'Pol responded.

Paxton's voice rang out again. "The citizen soldiers of Terra Prime will act to protect you against the most dangerous enemies that humanity has ever faced."

They watched in horror as pictures of human/alien couples appeared on the screen. The most famous of the couplings being Trip and T'Pol. Several pictures of the pair flashed across the screen.

T'Pol froze next to Trip who was so intent on the screen he seemed to have forgotten he was not alone on the Bridge. There were pictures of them on Earth walking together or sitting across from one another sharing a meal. Those could be the innocent encounters of colleagues. The pictures that caught her attention were those taken aboard Enterprise. She and Trip walking down the corridor holding hands, in the Mess Hall involved in a discussion. And while there was no contact it was obvious the conversations between them was intimate, and then they were shown walking into their quarters together, on several occasions.

The entire bridge crew fixed their eyes on the viewscreen when Paxton reappeared. "Do not be deceived. These couples all have the potential to create an alien-human hybrid. My staff has proven that it is possible and if we allow ourselves to be submerged in an interstellar coalition our genetic heritage will be forever compromised." Paxton paused for a moment. "Terra Prime is dedicated to the protection of life in all of its diversity, so long as non-humans keep to their own worlds. So for the next twenty-four hours, we guarantee safe passage to all aliens leaving our solar system. But if any alien, if one single alien remains after the deadline, Terra Prime will defend the sovereignty of every single human being...," An image of Starfleet replaced Paxton's image. "...and we will begin by destroying the institution whose blind arrogance and moral cowardice have put us all at risk. Starfleet Command. We do not seek war, but if the aliens do not leave, and force us to fight, I make this solemn promise to all of the sons and daughters of Earth. Our future will be secure because humanity will prevail."

Trip stood playing the scene over and over in his head. Then the movie would change scenes to Paxton's lab and that deep, dark, foreboding feeling swept through to his core. Petri dishes and containers housing embryos. No life...just promises of life. They had been created to aid the doctors in perfecting an agent to prevent the natural, or unnatural he supposed, creation of a hybrid child. Those doctors had almost perfected a chemical sterilization technique that when administered to humans would prevent their DNA from combining with alien DNA. Paxton had been working on a method of mass distribution on Earth and also a way to administer it to those humans who were off-world and involved with an alien.

"Commander Tucker, what have you to say for yourself?" Admiral Gardner was annoyed at his lack of attention.

Trip breathed deeply, pushing the memories away before looking up at the panel. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, but I'm not." There was nothing to be sorry about and his anger and frustration continued to seep into his words. "That I'll do whatever you say I need to do. When I won't." He placed his hands on the table and shifted his weight forward onto them and glared. "You do whatever it is you think you need to do in the name of discipline and we'll take it from there." Trip had no patience left for the panel before him. They were going to decide his and T'Pol's future and they'd have to decide what to do once they were through. The only thing he had managed to do was keep Captain Archer and the crew clear of any fallout.

"Trip, you're just going to sit here and let them decide your future." Archer was at a loss for what was going on with Trip lately. He showed up when they said to, listened, or so it appeared, then refused to say or do anything to plead their case. At times he was emotional and at others he was cold and closed off.

He quickly turned and lowered his voice. "What the hell do you want me to do? They know we're together. They've grilled every member of the crew so they must know everything." Malcolm and his team killed Paxton and several of his men, destroyed the facility and all the information they could find, and returned to Earth and arrested Masaro. They'd searched the Ensign's quarters and found more pictures and documentation on T'Pol and Trip, which had all been handed over to Starfleet. He'd signed on the dotted line and handed them control over his life when he joined Starfleet just as T'Pol had. "Paxton and his twisted plans may not have succeeded but he made sure the whole damn planet knows about us." The 'signals going system-wide' as Hoshi had put it. "Nobody's listening to us and I'm tired of everyone trying to make me do what they want me to do." Trip in fact was exhausted. It showed in his every movement and gesture. He'd seen the images Paxton had used and the new ones from their time at the motel, blasted over the airwaves so many times it was like walking around in a dream. Paxton's words, Starfleet, T'Pol, Jon, his parents, T'Les, Malcolm, and Hoshi, and the images wouldn't go away. The constant barrage of questions. Starfleet's insistence that they had to do what was best for Starfleet. T'Pol and Jon tugging at him trying to get him to do something. What it was he'd lost track of after the second day of being interrogated like he and T'Pol had committed some grievous crime.

The door opened to admit T'Pol, Ambassador Soval, and another Vulcan Trip did not recognize. Trip had been so preoccupied he hadn't felt T'Pol's nearness.

"Admiral Gardner I'd like to speak if that is acceptable." Trip recognized the tone in his voice as a sign that Ambassador Soval was in full diplomatic mode.

"Of course we'd be interested in the Vulcans perspective on this matter." Gardner was trying to come off as open and interested.

Sure that they were now close to announcing their decision Soval asked, "Can I ask if this panel has reached a decision?"

"Yes we have. We were awaiting the arrival of Commander T'Pol before we made our decision known." Gardner locked his stare on T'Pol awaiting some reaction from her, but she remained as stoic as she ever had.

"Before you announce that decision there are a couple of matters you may wish to consider. First, the Vulcan High Council has no official position on the relationship between the Commanders. Vulcans consider that to be a private matter. We will however pay particular attention to any actions taken against a Vulcan citizen and her chosen mate."

The Vulcans refused to discuss the relationship between the Commanders except to say that they were mates. As to what that meant by Vulcan or human standards Starfleet could only guess because no one was willing to explain.

"The Commanders have refused to answer our questions about their relationship citing Vulcan tradition. The High Council has not answered our inquiries into this matter yet here you are threatening us." The frustration at the Vulcans reluctance to assist them was evident on all the faces before them. No one associated with the Commanders had been cooperative. The crew would only say they were close friends and dating. Archer played deaf and dumb about the whole affair and the Commanders would only say they were a couple. Gardner wanted to bust them all out of Starfleet but had no authorization to do so.

"There has been no threat. As Vulcans these matters are not spoken of amongst ourselves therefore it should not be difficult to understand why we would not wish to discuss such private matters with those not of our culture." Vulcans had managed to keep their culture mysterious and hidden for centuries. Humans were not going to pressure them into revealing anything.

"Commander Tucker is human and he obviously knows of these private matters. They have implied that if we were to separate them they would be forced to resign yet they will offer no reasonable explanations as to why Starfleet should take this into consideration." Even Dr. Phlox had refused to answer any questions citing confidentiality, which only led the panel to believe they were correct and they were hiding something.

Giving up on this line of questions Gardner took another tact. The Vulcans had allowed humans access to the Consulate grounds. "You have seen fit to offer Commander Tucker your protection at the Consulate but you refuse to explain what the relationship between yourselves and Commander is and why he and his colleagues have been allowed to remain under your protection."

"Even without considering Commander Tucker's association with a Vulcan citizen he still holds a position of high esteem. His aid to our people makes his well-being of interest to all of Vulcan. By extension, he is entitled to any and all assistance the Consulate can offer him. When he requested our aid in obtaining lodging, that would afford them some measure of privacy, we saw it as only logical to offer the space we had available to him." Soval paused for a moment. "Do couples in your culture discuss private matters with each other? And are there not matters they would not wish to discuss in public, making it part of an official inquiry? The Commanders may not wish to be separated for many reasons but whatever those reasons are they must be respected as private if the Commanders wish this to be so."

"So the Vulcan High Council has no problem with the Commanders discussing these matters, it's the Commanders who wish to remain silent?" Gardner was losing patience with them all. The Vulcans said it was a private matter between the Commanders and the Commanders said it was a private cultural matter. And now the Vulcans were claiming that Commander Tucker was considered of special interest to the Vulcans regardless of his association with T'Pol.

Trip watched as Soval searched for the proper words to answer Gardner. It was like a merry-go-round. Up, down, round, and round with no beginning and no end. He'd had enough. "Look I haven't asked the Vulcans what I can and can't do or talk about so let's just drop it. This is between Commander T'Pol and myself so just leave the Ambassador and the High Council out of this." It was bad enough that he and T'Pol were here he didn't want to see the Vulcans dragged into this mess and risk the alliance between Vulcan and Earth.

Gardner wanted nothing more than to leave them out of this but they had just put themselves right in the middle. And when the Vulcans got involved it always became complicated. "Ambassador Soval is there anything else you have to offer?" Wanting to end this Gardner reached for the written statement he was supposed to read.

"The Ambassador may not but I seek permission to address you." The Vulcan Trip didn't recognize spoke up. And all he could think was great a new addition to the same circular arguments. One more voice to sound off in his head.

"And you are?" Gardner didn't recognize him either.

"I am Minister Sorak of the High Council. I am here on behalf of Vulcan to report the findings of this proceeding to the High Council." Sorak took on that very stoic, we are better than you attitude Vulcans were so good at.

"And why is the High Council so interested in this matter?" The Admiralty had been under the impression that T'Pol was still held in low esteem by the High Council and they had not taken into account any regard the Vulcans might have held for Tucker or at least not very seriously.

"It involves a Vulcan citizen and her chosen mate, who himself has earned the respect of the High Council. Any negative actions would be seen by the High Council as a sign that Starfleet no longer values our alliance." Sorak was to imply a threat but not be specific. The High Council wanted some room to negotiate, if need be.

"And exactly what are you implying?" The Vulcans weren't known for idle threats so Gardner wanted to know exactly what was at stake here.

The minister saw no ambiguity to his statement. "As I just stated the High Council would view any negative actions as direct proof of a lack of support for our alliance." A direct but non-specific threat.

An aide came into the room and whispered something to Gardner, who was massaging his temples. "It seems Captain Hernandez and her chief engineer are requesting that Commanders Tucker and T'Pol be allowed to assist them. Columbia is scheduled to leave space dock in the morning but they are experiencing some difficulties with the refit and require their expertise to correct the problem." Welcoming an excuse to adjourn quickly the Admiral jumped at the chance. "You are both dismissed."

T'Pol saw this as a way to get Trip's mind focused on something positive that he would enjoy. "We've both been relieved of duty. Security has orders to keep us off Enterprise. I assume that goes for Columbia as well." The logical course would be to reinstate them but T'Pol knew Starfleet did not usually operate from a place of logic.

"You are temporarily returned to duty." Gardner needed time to evaluate the implications of the Vulcans sudden involvement in the proceedings and to consult with his superiors.

---

T'Pol joined Trip in his meditation space. She was still very cold here but there was no visible mist from his breathing and he no longer outwardly shook from the cold. He was completely calm and comfortable here. The thoughts and emotions brought on by the panel were no longer plaguing him. She reached out to take his hand. The physical contact revealed no barriers were in place and his thoughts and emotions flowed freely between them. Why then did she continue to feel as if this was all wrong? Why did Trip continue to meditate in this space when alone? How had he mastered his body's reactions to the cold of this place?

"Trip are you alright?"

Opening his eyes. "Yes. I just needed to relax a minute before we see Becker. I'm really looking forward to having something to do." He needed something mechanical to work on. It always made things better. Having been confined to Starfleet Headquarters or the Vulcan Compound had made him feel claustrophobic, which was not a normal state for an engineer.

"You seem very calm." Panic was starting to be a constant companion during time spent with Trip in his newfound meditation space and T'Pol was finding it harder and harder to suppress.

"Yeah, I just needed to meditate a minute. It helps a lot." Emotions had been ripping through him. Wave after wave until he came to this place. Visualizing these waves until his mind slowly converted the waves into ripples and then the placid lake froze over preventing any further motion from occurring.

---

"Lt. Becker. Couldn't get along without me?" Trip attempted to keep things light.

"More like I haven't figured out what the hell these idiots did to my engines." Captain Hernandez had commented on how possessive Becker had become about his engines. She said it must come with the job because Tucker was just as adamant about Enterprises' engines being his.

"They do have a way of making a mess of things don't they?" Trip hadn't warned the engineer about these little trips back to Earth. There were certain things one needed to do in preparation for such visits and then certain procedures one had to perform once the crews left your ship. Major refits were being done quickly and the normal break in periods for any new technology was being ignored so problems were to be expected. It didn't help that the crews were not always up to speed on any changes that were being made in space so they tended to fall back on what they had been taught in their classes.

"I left them with a perfectly running warp drive and what do I get back but a worthless excuse for an engine that won't fire up." Becker had realigned the injectors, checked every EPS conduit, run every diagnostic he could think of and still had no idea where to start to find the problem.

Tucker slipped into engineer mode. Doing something mechanical, with his hands, would help him refocus his energy elsewhere. "Let's go over the refit schedule first. We need to see exactly what they did. I'll get Rostov and Hess to work with your crew. They know the routine by now so they'll be able to get the preliminary stuff done so we can get to the more serious repairs. You'll need to make a checklist so keep a padd handy so you'll know what to do next time. Can't guarantee you won't need help in the future but you'll want to do everything you can before you have to send out an SOS." Trip never minded collaboration but took pride in his ability to solve his own problems and he knew Becker shared this trait.

T'Pol followed next to the pair trying to determine how it was that there was no longer any discord in Trip's emotional state. A chill went through her as she stared into eyes that were normally the color of a beautiful blue ocean but were now becoming hard and icy.

---

Captain Archer watched as his senior officers returned from their mission. The swift, angry exit of his chief engineer said something was different. The man who had boarded that shuttle two days ago had been closed off and distant. No ups, no downs, just a flat plain of existence that no one had been able to traverse. He was not the man, with tears in his eyes, who just pushed his way by his Captain and out the door without saying a word.

Archer had stood by trying to determine how to get through to Trip for weeks now. Starfleet had finally relented in its attempts to reassign and discipline Trip and T'Pol for what they considered an 'illicit affair' when a large segment of the rest of the crew took the stand Trip and T'Pol themselves refused to and asked to be reassigned to Earth with their superior officers. The official announcement of their new duty was about to be made when Captain Archer received a stack of request for reassignment. At first, Starfleet stated they would not grant the requests and therefore the crew would be required to finish out their tours. After several closed-door meetings, it was decided there was no use forcing them to return to space against their will. It would defeat their purpose to have a ship full of disgruntled crewmen trying to make first contacts and form alliances with other species. By the time they had Columbia sorted out and on its way it became clear that Enterprise was not going to be leaving spacedock without Trip and T'Pol's assistance. This confirmed the realization that Starfleet needed both the Commanders expertise in space and not on Earth. Add to that the need to stay in the good graces of the Vulcans and Starfleet had enough incentive to drop the whole matter. Archer shredded the crew's request to keep them safe from any repercussions from Starfleet and the pair was sent back to Enterprise with no restrictions and the hope that by the time they returned to Earth the furor caused by Terra Prime and the knowledge of their relationship would no longer be an issue.

Archer was brought out of his thoughts when he caught the slight affirmative nod of T'Pol's head and turned to see Lt. Reed standing in the doorway. He'd known they were friends of sorts. Competitors. He'd thought it was a friendship based on Trip's friendship with Malcolm. Until now. T'Pol had earned the tactical officers loyalty and trust to the extent that he was guilty of conspiring with her behind Archer's back. And unless he was really way off the mark Trip hadn't known what they had been up to either. When the mission came up and T'Pol insisted he assign the two of them, he'd known something was up.

"Captain, assign the Commander and I to this away team. We'll need two days to collect the needed samples." T'Pol had tried everything to get through to Trip and when she found this planet with no inhabitants and a purpose for herself and Trip to go to the surface away from the ship she went to work on Archer.

"What am I missing here? You've never been so adamant about who I send on the away teams."

"Commander Tucker and I have some personal issues to work out and being alone on the surface would make this more likely to take place." She was being truthful but leaving out important details.

Trip's odd behavior hadn't gone unnoticed by Archer although he had refrained from commenting on it. He'd watched as the engineer's reactions became more and more restrained. What had started out as what he thought was Trip learning a bit of emotional control from T'Pol had become an exercise in how stoic and unemotional Trip could become.

---

The mission had ended over a week ago and after days of observing Archer was concerned. Trip was back for the most part. He was angry and his emotions were volatile but that was a man he and everyone else recognized and knew how to deal with. The problem was T'Pol. Trip worked with her, ate meals with her, was polite, and respectful of her, but that was it. There was no hand holding, no light in his eyes when she came into the room, no sign of any romantic involvement at all. Whatever T'Pol had done to get Trip out of that self-imposed emotional prison he'd been in, had cost her.

"Captain, what can I do for you?" T'Pol looked up from the padd she was studying.

"Just wanted to see if there is anything I can do to make things better between you and Trip."

"Things are fine between Trip and myself. He will join me shortly for lunch." He never missed a meal with T'Pol.

"Yes he will and then he'll get your meals and sit here and eat and even discuss work issues. But we both know something happened on your away mission that..." That what? Archer was at a loss for what to say.

"Do not worry about Trip or me and please do not attempt to interfere." Phlox and Malcolm both had warned her that there was a risk of his reacting this way and she had followed through on her plan anyway. She'd made her choice and she would live with the consequences.

---

T'Pol had gone over the plan several times trying to ensure there was no other way to proceed. When she found there may be no other choice she took the necessary steps to carry that plan forward and sought the assistance of the two people she trusted to help her.

"Doctor I require your assistance."

Phlox put down the feeding tray he had in his hands. "What can I do for you Commander?"

"Commander Tucker has been behaving unusually. He walks, talks, and pretends to joke around with everyone but his mood never changes. No matter what is said he agrees. He never gets angry, upset, or depressed. Nor does he get excited or exuberant." T'Pol found his emotional stability to be unnatural and extremely unsettling.

Knowing how he'd reacted to the Xindi attack and his sister's death Phlox was prepared for a similar reaction from the young man once they left Earth. "I had expected him to visit me once we were underway and when he didn't I assumed you and he were successful in using neuro-pressure and meditation to deal with recent events." Phlox had been concerned but as she pointed out Tucker was performing his duty and interacting with the crew as if all was right with his world.

"I have spoken to a priest who had begun to teach him a Vulcan technique to purge his emotions. My mother believed it would be useful for him after his parents visit. I interceded when I discovered this but may have been too late." T'Pol had not inquired as to what the priest had taught Trip thinking he had only been there for a short time and would have learned very little. What she hadn't counted on was Trip figuring out how to expand on what he had been shown on his own.

"You think he has somehow suppressed his emotions." Phlox had considered the possibility that he had buried his emotions again but had no proof to back it up. And even if he had the proof there was nothing he could have done with the information if Tucker refused to be cooperative.

"Yes I do and have tried to talk to him about this. I have also tried to use our bond to penetrate his defenses but he has locked his emotions away so tightly I cannot reach him." In the past his emotions were buried but she had felt them when she touched him during neuro-pressure. Now there were no emotions to feel.

"What are you asking me to do?" If what she said was true breaking through to him would be extremely difficult. He hadn't been successful reaching him or helping him when his sister died and if what T'Pol said was true it would be almost impossible to reach him now.

"I am not asking you to do anything." T'Pol was aware that the doctor could not intervene.

"Then what are you asking?" Phlox knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"For information. I need to know what agents I might safely employ to lower his defenses." She handed him a padd containing the agents she had narrowed her search to.

"You know I cannot administer any agents without his consent?" Agents...she was talking about drugs but he supposed her word choice was intentional.

"I wish you to give me information only. If you cannot do that perhaps you could point me in the right direction." In other words, tell her who might help her.

There was no longer a smile on the doctor's face. Instead, he was deep in thought. How was it that the easy-going southerner, Trip Tucker, could again be indirectly responsible for bringing him up against a tough ethical question? First Sim now this. If he didn't give her information, she would go elsewhere. He had no doubt she would do her very best to ensure the Commanders safety but whomever she sought out would not have knowledge of Tucker's medical history or their connection. Only he had that and both facts would influence what drugs would be safe and the dosage needed. The doctor weighed both sides. Let her proceed on her own and risk the life of the Commander or give her the information she requested and blur that line a little more. First do no harm wasn't enough here. It didn't matter which choice he made the potential for harm to Tucker and T'Pol was an unknown.

Phlox began rationalizing aloud. "You are doing this to care for your mate no doubt. Mr. Tucker can be extremely stubborn and if he has deluded himself into believing that burying his emotions so deep he does not feel then he is jeopardizing his physical and mental health." And his career. T'Pol may not see that as a serious part of her consideration but the doctor understood that Commander Tucker would. The two had discussed that after Sim. Phlox took several deep breaths. He wanted more time but he knew he didn't have it and neither did T'Pol. The repairs were finally complete and they were scheduled to break orbit in the morning. Her timing was intentional he was sure.

Being on this mission was proving to be a test for Dr. Phlox. He had run into more ethical dilemmas in the short time he'd been on Enterprise than he'd run into the whole of his career before this. "I will provide you with information on the condition that you read all the material I give you thoroughly, promise to use the minimal dose possible, and you must give me your word you will ask someone to be on standby in case something goes wrong and you require medical assistance." He would be in Sickbay if that came about but he could do nothing to actively assist her.

"I agree and my intent is to continue to attempt to get through to him but if I cannot then I will lower his defenses just enough that I can use our bond to gain access to his mind. Thank you doctor." She still held out a faint hope that he would listen to reason.

"Don't thank me. If I wasn't convinced there's no other way and that you'd just find someone else to help I'd have refused." Allowing him to go on until he cracked under the pressure was unacceptable and dangerous. "I do not have any of these drugs on Enterprise and even if I did I could not give them to you."

T'Pol had already considered this. "I understand."

Phlox went to the computer, pulled up the information, then turned and walked away. Still questioning if he was doing the right thing.

T'Pol finished reading through the material and devised her plan. She immediately sought out Malcolm Reed. "Malcolm I require you assistance."

Her demeanor and words told him her request was of a personal nature. "Okay."

"First, I need your assurance that whether you agree to assist me or not you will not discuss anything we say with anyone else."

"I assume that means Trip as well."

"No one."

Bloody hell he thought. "I agree." T'Pol wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

She handed him a padd. "I need these drugs in the specified quantities as soon as you can get them." That meant today because they were leaving Earth.

Malcolm looked at the names of the drugs. One was a barbiturate he recognized from his time with Section 31. Like most of these drugs it was used to lower the inhibitions of prisoners and to encourage them to share their secrets with an interrogator. The information was unreliable because a strong willed individual could still exert enough self-control to be untruthful, but it usually gave them enough threads of truth to reinvigorate a stalled investigation. The other he had never heard of but could only guess would counteract the effects of the first one. "You do know what these drugs are for."

"Yes I do."

"T'Pol the only reason I can think of that you're coming to me is that Phlox won't help you and this has something to do with Trip."

"You are aware that there is something seriously wrong with him." The whole of the crew realized he was behaving abnormally even for him.

Malcolm had at first thought he'd mastered his emotions and was thankful he hadn't fallen apart like he had when his sister died but after watching him for several days it was clear something wasn't right. He'd watched as Captain Archer ordered Trip back to the ship, after they found the medical facility Paxton and his doctors had been using. Trip obeyed without protest. He had had tears running down his cheeks and you could see the darkness in his eyes but there was no rage or anger at what Paxton had been doing. Reed would have expected some display of emotions if it had only been anonymous DNA samples being used but some of them were his and T'Pol's. While Trip was an expert at hiding his deepest emotions he'd always been terrible at keeping his volatile ones from exploding.

Malcolm had spent days completing Hoshi's primer on Shinto and Buddhism so he'd be ready for her mother when he explained why he would not convert to either religion. Then they'd spent several days in Japan. When they returned Trip was even deeper into his denial. "I've only seen him for short periods since we got back but he's not acting like himself. We all assumed he was dealing with all this with you in private."

He functioned after Lizzie's death, sometimes barely, but his anger drove him. It took a physical and mental toll on him, which was hard to miss if you spent any time with him. But now was totally different. Almost spooky. "But it's like someone hit the mute button." His extremes were gone and what was left was someone who looked like Trip and talked like Trip but was emotionally monotone. This was not the man Malcolm Reed called friend.

"I need you to tell me you've considered all other possible options. That you understand what you're doing and that this is the only way." He'd have to trust her more than he'd ever trusted anyone before.

"All other options would require Trip's admission that he needs help and then he'd have to give me his cooperation. The longer he keeps these emotions suppressed the stronger the rebound effect will be when his mind and body can no longer tolerate the stress he is placing on them." If he continued, neuro-pressure would not be sufficient to alleviate his symptoms and he would most likely need to be hospitalized to receive treatment. As it was T'Pol could not be sure what the outcome would be but she had no doubt it would not be pleasant.

Malcolm was sure T'Pol wasn't searching for truth just a way to weaken Trip's resolve and she was doing what she knew to be the best thing for him. Malcolm had to trust her because whatever this thing was between her and Trip it meant she was in a better position to know what he needed. "I'll have it before we leave. Anything else you need just let me know."

"I will need someone to monitor things from Enterprise once the process has begun and to transport him back if he requires medical attention."

"When are you planning to carry out this plan and what exactly are you planning on telling the Captain and Phlox?"

She'd considered proceeding while on Earth but decided that it was better to wait until they were back on Enterprise. "Once we are in deep space and have located an appropriate planet I will find an explanation to appease the Captain. The doctor is aware of my plans and although his medical ethics prevent him from treating Trip without his consent, he was able to provide me with some information I requested."

"Well, that makes me feel a little bit better." If the doctor knew what she was planning, he at least must understand why she was doing this. "I'll do whatever you need me to do."

"Thank you." Now all she could do was try to reach Trip so this would all be unnecessary while she waited.

---

Archer sat watching her, so obviously deep in thought, perplexed. They were performing their duty admirably and T'Pol was right he had no right to intercede in their personal life. Trip was distant with T'Pol but still shared their quarters with her and Archer assumed he was still sharing a bed because he couldn't fathom Trip or T'Pol sleeping on the floor for more than a day or two. He wanted to be of some assistance but didn't know how.

"I am worried about you both. You can't go on like this indefinitely." Although it appeared they had both resigned themselves to doing just that?

"You know Trip is an honorable man Captain and Vulcans mate for life. Be thankful he is human and not Vulcan." T'Pol was. She would rather have him nearby feeling betrayed by her than not here at all. A Vulcan male would have insisted they go to a monastery and learn to master the bond to allow them to be assigned light years apart. Only to be together as required every seven years.

"You're right. If I know nothing else about him I know he'd never go back on his word." He may withhold his affection from T'Pol but he'd always be professional and work with her, fulfill his responsibilities as her mate, and make sure she was safe and cared for. None of that required his affection.

"It was to be expected that we would encounter difficult challenges together and this is just one of them." At least that was what T'Pol kept telling herself. If she just waited, he'd forgive her.

Archer could see the pain in her eyes. It was clear that whatever was going on T'Pol had known it was a possibility when she did whatever she had done to Trip. Archer had asked Malcolm what he knew but as their friend, he refused to say anything. He'd made it quite clear there were no circumstances, personally or professionally, where he would discuss the private affairs of Trip and T'Pol. He'd gone to Phlox, who Trip had been consulting since he returned to the ship, but the doctor-invoked confidentiality and refused to provide him with any information. Trip had spent two days secluded in Sickbay then returned to his quarters and to duty. He was reacting much as he had when Lizzie died, at first, but after a while he seemed to lighten up and slowly signs of the Trip they all knew returned with everyone but T'Pol.

Jonathon Archer was reexamining his previous beliefs about the relationship between Trip and T'Pol. He could now see that Trip's welfare was T'Pol's first and only priority and she'd do whatever was needed to ensure he was healthy and cared for and even though Trip was angry and felt betrayed he was committed to her and it would always be the same for him. If he wanted to be a friend he was going to have to behave like their other friends and remain loyal and support them without interfering.

---

For weeks now, T'Pol woke up wrapped around Trip. She never started out that way but some time during the night, she would cuddle up to him. If he woke up before her, he'd simply lay there awake, unmoving, and quiet until she got up.

This morning felt different. Trip's eyes were closed but he was awake. His arms were wrapped around her. His face was nuzzled into her neck. She stirred and he lightly kissed her neck and said 'good morning' before he got up to take his shower. A light ripple went through the bond, which had been present but very inactive. When he finished his shower he came out of the bathroom in a towel, holding his clothing. "I hope I left you enough hot water. You better get moving or you're going to be late for breakfast."

T'Pol looked at the chronometer. He was right she had overslept. "Thank you." She went to take her shower wondering what had changed since yesterday. Trip hadn't been rude or spoken unkindly to her but he hadn't spoken to her with morning pleasantries in weeks. When she came out, he was waiting for her. They walked to the Captain's mess together. About half way there, he reached for her hand and held it loosely until they reached the door. Once they were inside, he pulled out her chair and then took his own seat.

"Good morning." Archer noticed Trip's changed behavior.

"Morning." Trip answered back with a smile on his face. "Any big plans for the day?"

"Not really. T'Pol's team has been looking for something interesting for us to check out but nothing yet."

"We believe there may be a new star system forming 10 light years from our current position. Sensors are picking up several anomalies that point to such an occurrence." T'Pol's team had been tracking the field since yesterday and she had them putting together a report for the Captain. "I'll have a report for you later this morning."

"Great. Maybe we should just give Travis the coordinates and have him head that way." They'd been idle for days now and the crew needed something to do.

"Sounds good. I'll make sure the engines are in peak condition so you'll have all the power you might need for the sensors." He directed his comments to T'Pol but continually fidgeted as he spoke.

Watching his discomfort T'Pol didn't know how to respond. "Thank you. We have not had any problems with our equipment, but your attention is appreciated."

Archer couldn't believe the meal had gone so well. Lately if there was not ship's business to discuss the silence was uncomfortable, but not today. He did detect some tentativeness from Trip, but only when he spoke to T'Pol, as if he expected her to react badly to him.

---

Trip sat staring at the blank screen having hit the send button. The last letter to his parents had been sent. He'd completed the task of telling them everything he felt about them and their relationship to him and now he'd give them time to think about what he'd said before he went to see them. Tears ran down his face as he allowed the release of the last remnants of the emotions he'd kept pent up for years.

With that done his attention turned to figuring out how to repair the damage he'd done to his relationship with T'Pol. His anger at her made it easy to justify his behavior, at first, but over time her quietly remaining nearby while he continued to keep his emotional distance from her got harder. He'd have liked it much better if she had yelled or nagged or anything that would have allowed him to remain angry with her.

What could he say to her? How could he explain that once he let the anger go he'd needed to keep this from affecting her. When he lost Lizzie, they were not bonded, and he now knew, the neuro-pressure had affected T'Pol, and it would have been far worse this time. The emotions were far more intense and some of them had been buried deeply for far too long. He was so overwhelmed he feared his emotions would cripple T'Pol and the feedback would then intensify his already overcharged emotions until it destroyed them both.

He'd been so preoccupied he hadn't heard Malcolm enter his office. "Bloody hell am I ever going to see the real Trip Tucker again?" He smiled when Trip jumped at the realization that he was standing a couple of feet from him and he hadn't noticed him until then.

"What? I'm fine. I know I wasn't exactly myself for awhile but what's not real about me now?" Trip thought he'd made good progress at wrestling his demons and lightening up of late.

He'd noticed Trip's tentative actions for the last several days. "Yeah you're better but you're not fine." Malcolm watched as his friend drifted off. T'Pol refused his help and asked that he stay out of it but he wanted so much to grab hold of Trip and shake him until whatever was stuck in that brain of his came loose.

"I'm not sure what to do to fix things with T'Pol. It's not just a matter of saying I'm sorry and everything will be okay again." He wished it was that easy and if he thought it would be he'd have wined and dined her and they'd have engaged in an evening of makeup sex but she wasn't human and he'd have had to explain the concept first and they hadn't progressed to full on lose yourself totally in sensation and sex yet anyway so he didn't quite know how to proceed.

Malcolm didn't pretend to understand the complexities their connection created for them. He also knew that T'Pol's being Vulcan only added to the intricate nature of their relationship. "Well that's a good place to start."

"I know but there's more to it than that and I have to figure out how to explain it to T'Pol and that's difficult because I don't understand all of it myself."

"What are you afraid of? She's not mad at you or if she is she's doing a bang up job of pretending otherwise." T'Pol was capable of suppressing her emotions but she seemed more resigned to Trip's feeling betrayed and letting him work this out for himself. Seeing his reaction made Malcolm more grateful she hadn't let Trip know of his part in assisting her.

"Don't worry about me. T'Pol and I may not be on the best of terms right now but we're together and that's never going to change." Trip committed himself to her long ago and he would never let her go.

"So you were serious when you told me you weren't ever going to let anything mess things up between you?" Trip did seem to be doing just the opposite but Malcolm also had to admit that watching Trip and T'Pol navigate through their differences, over the years, had been what made him see that he could find happiness with someone if he was willing to work at it.

Trip smiled. If they didn't love each other, it would have been much simpler. He'd have broken things off and gone through the pain knowing it would eventually get better. They never said the words but they both were very aware of how they felt and those feelings were never going to go away for either of them.

"Nothing ever really can. I love her Mal and when we committed to each other that was it for both of us. Doesn't mean we aren't going to have rough patches like every other couple out there." Most couples didn't have their life flashed across every vid screen in the quadrant and mad scientists experimenting with their genetic material to further their twisted beliefs. But then Trip had known they would face some rather unique challenges. He would just have preferred they didn't all seem to present themselves at one time but the high profile nature of their lives would always make them easy targets or figureheads for some cause or other. It didn't help that the loss of Lizzie resurfaced when his parents showed up and that his feelings began to overwhelm him to the point that he could no longer bury them even before Terra Prime and then Starfleet ripped through their lives.

"What's the problem then? Just talk to her." What could be so bad that Trip couldn't apologize and talk things out with her? He could see that Trip was lost in thought again so he quietly slipped out.

---

"Aren't there rules about there always being at least two crewmembers on away missions?" Trip remembered T'Pol using this on Archer several times.

"Come on you're quoting rules to me? You were on your own when you tested the auto-pilot last time. In fact, you insisted on going alone. Said you didn't need anyone along."

He hadn't thought about Zho'kann and the Arkonians in months. He'd gone on that mission by himself because he wanted time alone without having to talk to anyone. Instead he'd had to fight to stay alive and learn a new language so he could communicate with an alien. "Yeah and I ended up crash landing and almost dying on the hottest moon in the whole system. Come on Captain just assign T'Pol to go with me. She can help program the coordinates for the touch and go landings." Trip wanted to test the landing and takeoff upgrades he'd added to the new auto-pilot program and he needed a few hours of uninterrupted time, on neutral ground, to talk with T'Pol. And hours in a shuttle together would be perfect.

Archer and Trip went to lunch in the Mess Hall and sat listening to Travis tell them about the week of making up with Gannett after they returned from Mars. T'Pol came in and Trip's mood changed and a smile broke out across his face and in his eyes. Archer could see he really wanted to spend some time alone with her, hopefully to fix whatever was wrong. Archer looked directly into Trip's eyes. "Do I have your word that if I agree to this mission that both my officers will come back speaking to one another?" Last time he'd let himself be talked into sending them on an away mission together it hadn't worked out well.

"We'll never let our personal stuff interfere with our duty if that's what you're worried about. And I'm not going to do anything to make things worse but I can't guarantee it's going to get any better." After all T'Pol might not listen to him.

"T'Pol doesn't appear to be angry with you just resigned to whatever fate you decide she deserves." Archer had to give her credit for being so patient with Trip. Personally, after watching what he was doing to T'Pol, he wanted to beat some sense into him.

There was that word again. Resigned. It sounded like a T'Pol word choice. She must have said something to Malcolm, Hoshi, and Jon. "Did she threaten everyone with bodily harm or something?" Malcolm, Hoshi, and the Captain all had been inordinately quiet about their relationship whereas before this last incident that had all freely offered their advice.

Archer laughed a little. "Why would you think she threatened us?"

"Things haven't exactly been right between her and I and it can't have gone unnoticed by you, Malcolm, and Hoshi. But until I brought it up with Mal not one of you has said a word to me about it." Archer had been very vocal about his opposition to their being bonded so should have seen this as an opportunity to strengthen his argument. But he hadn't asked a question or made a comment.

"T'Pol requested we remain neutral and she's right we shouldn't get in the middle. It's taken me a while but I finally understand that your personal business is just that, personal." What the hell. If he didn't let Trip have his way it might take him another few weeks to work up the nerve to try again. "We'll be close to the coordinates you specified in an hour so you'd better get going. I'll notify T'Pol that she's coming with you."

Maybe Jon had finally accepted that Trip knew what he was doing and that T'Pol was the best thing for him. "Thanks Captain." Trip bounded out the door towards engineering to get his duffle and tools.

A/N: Thanks IbeKoj. This story morphed into a reworking of some of the episodes of Enterprise along with the original theme of Double Vision. I'm actually enjoying this story more than my previous 2. It's nice to know someone else is enjoying it also. I write because I enjoy it but it is nice to know there are people out there reading it.