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Ugh! School. I'm sitting in first period History and I'm already sick of school, is it holidays yet? I can't believe it's still April, shouldn't it be September or something, I would very much appreciate only a month of school to go. I'm just doodling in my notebook when Sam leans over to me and writes at the top of my page "You as bored as I am?" I turn to him and nod while making a face and he has to stifle his laughter by biting his knuckles. Of course that catches Fang's attention and he looks away from taking notes, nerd, to see what we're laughing about. Reading the note I can tell he doesn't get it, I mean it wasn't exactly a funny message, Sam and I just kind of laugh at a lot of things. Things that nobody else thinks is funny because we somehow relate it to some other weird thing, so I just shrug at Fang and smile at him and turn back to Mr Freeman.
Finally morning break comes around, I've never felt this restless after the holidays before, I just want to do something you know? Maybe it's because we are so close to the end of the year, I don't know but I feel like something is going to happen, something big. But I don't know if it's good or bad…
"You okay?" Fang asks as we leave Geography, pulling me out of my own head, probably a good thing.
"Yea fine, why?" I keep my eyes on my feet.
"You seem… Distant." We've had 2 classes both of which he has studiously been taking notes, and we had no opportunity to talk, how would he even get that idea?
"Really? Sorry just tired, stayed up late finishing the bio report since you distracted me on Saturday." I look at him and force a smile on to my face.
"You're just tired?" How could I explain I felt like something was going to happen? That I felt sick and like I should be doing something or there is something I should know? It sounds weird and confusing in my own mind.
"Of course." I had to look down, the concern in his eyes was too much, thankfully we arrived at our table. "Hey guys." I fix the smile to my face as I take a seat in between Angel and Ella so Fang has to sit on the other side next to Iggy and Nudge, and he can't question me anymore.
"Oh Max it isn't fair!" Nudge says pouting at me.
"What isn't?" I say as I get out my apple.
"Miss Bray has already given us more homework! I mean it's the first day back, can't we just you know ease into things?" She whines. "Wish I had Mr Hardy with you guys!"
"What makes you think Mr Hardy won't give us homework?" Sam questions from the other side of Nudge.
"Because he is cool!" To which I can't help but laugh at.
"Yes I guess he is, and nobody is worse than Miss Bray, we know Nudge." And there we go, Nudge can't continue to complain about someone if we all agree, she enjoys the argument, so she just kind of looks at us all once then goes back to eating her yoghurt.
"I really wish we were still on holidays though." Ella starts.
"Why Ella! I thought you loved the life of studying and getting graded." Angel teases.
"Yea sure," She rolls her eyes and smiles at us. "But even I've had enough of this year you know? I can't wait to get out of this town and never come back."
"You wouldn't come back to Riverview?" Nudge asks.
"Well I would come back to visit mum but that's it, I'm sick of this town aren't you guys?"
There is a murmur of agreement around the table.
"Well personally, I'm not sick of it, but I haven't exactly been here as long as you guys. What do you think Fang, ready to leave this town behind?" Iggy turns to his twin.
"Yea, I'm looking forward to moving out." The conversation continues like that and I feel a wave of panic come over me as I listen to them. They had all thought about where they would move to, their uni's or where they want to work and… I haven't. At all. I haven't looked much in to anything, I'm still unsure what I want to do with my life after high school, and really how ridiculous is it that we have to decide at this age? I just guess I can't believe they had all pretty much decided on next year and I just don't know.
The school day passes and not all that much happens, I continue to think about next year and how we are all going different directions, will we still stay close?
That night I have nightmares about me being stuck in Riverview working at McDonald's while my friends go on and live their lives and I wake up in a cold sweat. How is it that real life things freak me out more than zombies or monsters? I try to slow my heart rate by taking deep breathes. I'm being ridiculous; there is nothing wrong with not knowing. I mean Angel doesn't know. Well she knows she's travelling next year… And knows where she's travelling. I sigh and untangle myself from my bed, sit up and look at my clock, it says 2am. Shit. I go and get a glass of water before heading back to my bed and opening my laptop. I'm not getting sleep anytime soon. I log into Facebook and, of course, nothing's happening. What else is new? I almost close my laptop when an inbox pops up from Fang.
Still up?
Nah I just sleep Facebook, it's a serious condition.
Oh haha you're so funny.
I know, it's part of my charms.
You have charms?
Yes, and one day I will turn them on and you will be putty in my hands. Anyway why are you still up? I'd suggest you're a vampire but you come out in the day so that doesn't really work.
Vampire? Cause I haven't heard that one before. I just couldn't sleep you?
What do I tell him? I woke up from a pathetic nightmare? Well… why not?
I… had a bad dream. Go on, laugh at me.
10 minutes later he still hadn't replied. Maybe he fell asleep. I went to get another glass of water and a cookie and when I returned, he had replied.
What was it about?
He really isn't going to laugh about me having nightmares? I could just make sarcastic remarks…
Nothing really, just a whole lot of weird shit. Great work Max, very vague. So why can't you sleep?
Weird shit? Vague much?
Well he wasn't meant to comment on it being vague. Yea it was just really stupid, I should probably try to get back to sleep…
Max, are you okay?
Well yea, sure I am. Right? I'm just a normal teenager fluent in sarcasm. No depression or self-esteem issues here. So why am I having these feelings lately? I groan into my hands and look up and he's written again.
Did you really fall asleep that fast? That is impressive.
Oh shut up, seriously though I am fine I'm just going to get some sleep, I recommend you do too. Assembly tomorrow and they don't let you sleep during those, unfortunately.
I'll sleep if you do.
Umm… what? How will he know if I'm asleep?
I'm fair sure you won't know if I'm asleep, unless you're watching me or some weird shit and that's just not on man, we wouldn't be able to be friends after that.
Sometimes you're impossible.
Sometimes you say weird shit that makes no sense. Now go to sleep!
I could practically see him smirking at that and rolling his eyes.
Whatever you say dear.
Don't turn us into an old married couple! That's me and Sam!
Yes I've noticed. Goodnight Max.
Goodnight Fang.
It's not until I shut my laptop that I realize I'm grinning.
I wake up and I'm feeling a little bit better. The panic is definitely gone. See Max, you were just being silly, it was all nothing. I say to myself as I get ready for school. It's normal to panic about next year, it'll be so different there's nothing wrong with not knowing what you're going to do, plenty of time to sort that out later.
My phone message tone goes off as I come out of the bathroom. It's from Fang.
Good morning. Feeling better today?
No point telling him now, especially as I have pretty much calmed myself down right?
Yeah, fine. Last night was just a bad dream no big deal.
I walk into the kitchen where Gazzy and mum are sitting and I notice they aren't talking. Already? I check the time, it's not even 8am. Well it's a bit early for them to already be at the silent stage, but okay.
"Good morning Max." Mum says tensely. I raise an eyebrow at her and she just kind of shrugs and goes back to getting her lunch organized. Well okay. My phone goes off again.
Really? Cause if something is bothering you, you can tell me.
Yea but it's stupid and isn't even worth bothering about. That's what I wanted to type. I sigh internally and type back. Nah I'm fine, just want the holidays back, you know? Gotta get back into the routine.
"Alright I'm off." I look up and mum is heading towards the door. "Max you're working tonight?"
"Yeah."
"Okay I'll have dinner ready for you when you get home, I've got late shift at the hospital tonight, so I won't see you until tomorrow." I really wish she didn't have to work so much, I just nod and she leaves, not even saying goodbye to Gazzy. I look at him and he's just sitting there, so I move and sit with him.
"What was it about this morning?"
"School rang. Told her I've been wagging." He doesn't lift his head up.
"Gazzy." Oh god, why does he make things so hard. "Why?" He shrugs. "No come on, there has to be a reason, nobody ditches just because."
He sighs. "It's just… these two guys." Oh no. "They just… make me feel like shit, and I don't want to put up with them if I don't have to, and the only class they're in is sport, and I don't think sport is very useful you know?" Oh god, my little brother, is being bullied. Sure he can be annoying but what little brother isn't? He's the sweetest kid, why do they always pick on the nice ones?
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I ask, I'll have to teach those 2 a lesson.
"Max." He looks at me with a look on his face close to despair and it breaks my heart. "I'm not going to get my big sister to help me out of this, it's fine. I'll work something else out. I'm gonna go, you might want to answer your phone, it's been going off for like 5 minutes now." He gets up and walks straight out as I stare after him trying to figure out how to help him.
I pull my phone out as I start to leave and see I have 3 messages from Fang.
Yea I know school can be shit but it just seemed like more than that yesterday.
And, If you don't want to talk about it that's fine but I just want to make sure you're okay.
And lastly, Well I guess I'll see you at school.
I sigh, maybe if I ignore the problem he'll forget about it right?
Wanted to show a little more of her mothering side what do you think? yes no? Think I'm getting boring? Please let me know and review!