A/N: Like Fred and George would let Harry date Ginny without any interference. Puh-leeze. They'd probably view their prank as a Weasley family initiation. So if I were two overprotective brothers and genius pranksters with access to magic, how would I appropriately humiliate (but not quite torture) the guy who was snogging my younger sister? With this, of course.

A huge thank you to my beta spellmugwump97! Also, slight warning: though there's nothing even resembling 'explicit' in this chapter, a few things are implied. Everything was done for humorous rather than romantic purposes.

General Disclaimer: If I was Rowling or any of the HP movie directors, the entire cast would have led a revolt against me and my horribly embarrassing plot twists. Said revolt would end with either me being defenestrated, or Rupert Grint tossing out trumpets while I escaped in the mass confusion.

Hogwartians young and old alike had begun to equate the Great Hall with disturbances of massive quantities. Whether via announcements of trolls at-large, parseltongue revelations, macabre slumber parties, lightheaded temporary amnesia, endless pranks, or awkward public displays of affection, time and again the meals would be interrupted without a thought to ignoring the House Elves' well-prepared food (a thought which had luckily yet to occur to Hermione Granger).

With Hogwarts being Hogwarts, a betting pool had rapidly commenced.

"HEADMASTER!" Trelawney burst through the door this particular breakfast, her breath rapid, hair and shawls flying. "Finally. Where have you been?"

"Right here." Dumbledore twinkled as the Hall paused to watch this new dramatic entrance. "Were you trying to reach me last night? I'm afraid that I was away on business."

"IT'S THE STUDENTS!" She shrieked, cascading towards the other teachers. "Death, horror!"

"Not that bloody Grim again." Henry could just hear McGonagall mutter.

"Yes!" Sir Nicolas de Mimsy-Porpington did an uncharacteristic high five with a stunned Colin Creevey. As the youngster shivered from the cold, the ghost glided down the table to collect his winnings. "I meant, of course, how dreadful. But I did not need an 'Inner Eye' to see this. It was always going to be the Divination Professor. Or the butler." The Weasley twins exchanged a look, trying to determine how exactly they could give a transparent being material objects.

"MURDER!" Trelawney continued with tears in her eyes. "Harry Potter and—and Ginevra Weasley are, are—"

"Yes?" Jenny raised an eyebrow.

"DEAD!" Came her last scream, which all but knocked off dust from the high rafters.

A horrified, bewildered silence spread. In the midst of this, Zacharias Smith gave a cheer and raced to Gryffindor Table to get his money. His enthusiasm lessened when he noticed the menacing stares from the Lions.

"Miss?" Heads spun to the next hesitant voice, and was met with the sight of Ginny Weasley, who was very much alive and struggling not to grin. Zacharias, meanwhile, hobbled back to Hufflepuff with bright neon green hair, tentacles for legs, and a surly scowl. "Unless I'm an inferi and don't know it, I'm fine. So is Harry." She gestured to the laughing dark-haired boy next to her. Trelawney's jaw dropped at the sight.

"But, but I saw your heads! Disembodied heads!" She said faintly, pointing at the chuckling Gryffindors in shock.

"Sybill, could you explain what you saw?" Dumbledore said, pleasantly curious.

Trelawney shot another aghast look at the Lions. "Late last night I was walking on…patrol…and saw their heads kissing. Just the heads! Hanging in mid-air! No bodies!"

A beat of stupefied silence.

"YES!" Lily jumped from her seat with a cheer.

"Finally." Al sighed. Jamie gave a relieved laugh. Everyone else stared at them until, realising they were being watched, the three paused.

"We aren't talking about the 'heads' thing." Jamie explained awkwardly to the bewildered Great hall. "No idea about that. Nope. Not at all. Just that—"

"You're happy someone's snogging our sister?" Fred shot a glance at the nervous Harry before nodding about something to George. Lee narrowed his eyes at the sight, wondering what the twins were up to and if he could get in on it.

Ron looked peaky as the Hall erupted into noise. "Seriously mate? Well, congrats I guess." Hermione had given him a proud glance before he finished with: "Course, if you hurt her I'll destroy whatever pieces of you she's left."

"Ron!" Hermione said before gleefully turning to the new couple. "Congratulations! How did it happen?"

Harry and Ginny exchanged a glance, caught off-guard. "We never said anything did happen."

"Details, details." Hermione started right back in on the questions. Everyone else continued to stare at the small group in incredulity while Harry and Ginny tried to decipher their friend's rapid words.

"What about the disembodied heads?" Neville, McGonagall and Draco muttered to themselves, in varying words.

"Exhibitionists." Teddy whispered to his red godparents.

"Were they infected with nargles?" Luna thought absently.

Everyone considered it best that they could not decipher Trelawney's mutters and shrieks, and all were in wholehearted agreement that the silent Weasley twin language spelled even more trouble than Dumbledore's blinding twinkle. It was a shame none of them noticed their glance at the Ravenclaw Table.

Everyone was surprised that the next week passed with a fair amount of sanity. Sure, a small group of Gryffindors now practically lived in the library, the Parkers got up to their usual hijinks, and the new 'Golden Couple' made more than a few fangirls burst into tears—but all in all, no new developments occurred. Classes continued and the typical chaos of Hogwarts rolled right along. As the forest began to trickle with rusty leaves, all inhabitants of the castle began to think longingly of Hogsmeade and pipping hot butterbeer.

Yet, as it is wont to do, no more than seven days could pass without a new adventure, life-or-death situation or (more likely than not) comic relief interspersed juicy gossip. And since the Daily Prophet was still too busy churning out rumours of a student army to bother with the latest news, it fell to the usual perpetrators to liven up the otherwise unremarkable lunch.

"Snape's out to get me." Ginny idly mentioned to her boyfriend, a copy of The Quibbler propped up between her breakfast plate and glass. "I thought maybe it was paranoia at first, but nope, he's evil incarnated. I'm shocked he hasn't poisoned me yet, it's been ages since he found out about us. Well, us us." She squinted at the page, turning her head sideways. "Huh. You know, from this angle, Stubby Boardman does sort of resemble Sirius. Who'd have guessed?"

Harry groaned in reply. "I'm not even sure what's worst. Snape's gitiness, Trelawney looking as though I'm about to imitate Nearly Headless Nick, or the prats who call themselves teachers!"

"Who?" Neville asked curiously, ignoring Ron's frantic motion to shut up.

"The Parkers." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly Harry, they're just teasing you."

"By being bloody prats!"

"De-tach-ment." Ginny said in a sing-song voice, earning a peeved look from Harry. "Lighten up, they aren't that bad. So ignore them and read this, 'Sirius Black: The Great Singing Sensation'. I figure it's your cup of tea."

Ron snorted, twisting his head down to read the cover and main titles. "What's this? 'Nargle Infestation Predicted For December', 'Exclusive Interview With Cassandra Hex: Niffler Whisperer', 'Seer Predicts The Chudley Cannon's Scores On—' oh. Huh." He grabbed The Quibbler without further ado, ignoring his sister's yelp of protest since she, 'was reading that, you git!'

"Yeah yeah, you'll get it back. Keep your knickers on." Ron flipped through Ginny's magazine before his fingers froze, his face paling.

"Ron?" Harry looked over questioningly, his rant about the Parkers on the side-line. But before anyone could say anything more the redhead had stood up, magazine tightly clenched in his hand, and was huffing his way over to the Ravenclaw Table. Three Gryffindors looked at each other before taking their packs and following him curiously. Neville wisely decided to finish up breakfast and let the chaos reign on without him.

"Luna!" Ron came up behind the blonde, flapping The Quibbler around. "What's this?"

Luna blinked at him, nibbling on the end of a sugar quill. Because nutritious lunches were far overrated when one had a 'magical' metabolism. "It's daddy's journal. There's a lovely sketch of Snorkacks on page forty-two."

Ron groaned and flipped the magazine to a spread of orange Quidditch players whizzing about. "I mean this rubbish prediction. 'The Cannons will be at the bottom of the league for another twenty years'?"

Luna finished the candy and pulled out another from a small bag. "Ronald, a prophecy wasn't needed to predict that." She sucked the quill noisily before snapping off the end. "At least the Tornados are doing rather good."

Ginny and Hermione stifled giggles at the look on the redhead's blustered face.

"Sugar quill?" Luna asked the Gryffindors, reaching into her bag and holding one out to Ron. Said boy actually waved the offered candy off, too distracted with his tirade on how Divination was rubbish and that the world was blind to the Cannons' inevitable comeback.

"No thanks, I'm full." Hermione declined the offered candy, though Ginny thanked her and took one.

Harry shrugged. "Sure Luna, cheers."

The blonde blinked at him before looking into her bag. "Oh drat, I'm out of quills. How about a cauldron cake instead?

Harry adjusted the pack on his shoulder, his mind on what travesty would happen in Potions later that day. "Ah thanks, sounds great." He said, taking the chocolate from her outstretched hand.

This was when Hermione noticed the time and sharply paraded her munching or ranting friends out of the Great Hall.

"Hermione, it's a free period!" Ron exclaimed as they walked across the deserted Entrance Hall, finally stopping his diatribe about dratted seers to talk some sense into the bookworm. "Why would we go to the library?"

"Because," Hermione spoke as though she had repeated this a thousand times, emphasising the crucial word, "some of us don't like to put our homework off to the last minute."

"We've already been through every book on the subject!" Ron wasn't taking any of this. "Face it, there's nothing there on the Founders. I bet they gave us that 'task' to distract us. Anyway, Harry and I were going to play Quidditch."

Harry nodded in agreement, popping Luna's cauldron cake into his mouth. He was about to ask Ginny if she wanted to join them when he paused, his body stiffening. His friends continued on for a few steps before noticing that he'd fallen behind.

"Mate?" Ron called out, going back and waving a hand in front of his friend's glazed eyes. This didn't have the effect he'd been hoping for. Instead of coming out of his trance, whatever had been supporting Harry disappeared altogether.

"Whoa!" Ron stepped forward, catching the suddenly unconscious Boy Who Lived. The girls hurried over.

"Did he faint?" Ginny said in worry, cupping her boyfriend's pale face. "We have to get to the hospital wing!"

"It couldn't be You Know Who, right?" Ron said, lowering him gingerly to the floor.

Hermione gasped. "The sweets!"

"What, Luna's?" Ginny said in disbelief, lightly shaking Harry to try and wake him. "But I had one too, and she'd never…"

Ginny dwindled off. She and the others stared down at Harry as his skin rippled as though he'd taken polyjuice potion. Even with his features blurred and then contorted, they could see his hair lengthening and lightening, face and neck thinning, and his body shrinking as his clothes became looser—except for part of his shirt as the top buttons bulged outwards. One popped off completely, bouncing a few times on the floor before coming to a rest. It took a few moments for the rippling to subside, but once it did…

The three Gryffindors stared at their friend in amazed silence. That is, until Ron broke the pregnant pause by howling with laughter.

"Oh my." Hermione spoke faintly. "We, we should get hi—err, Harry to hospital."

Ginny remained frozen, her mouth agape.

"Madam Pomfrey?"

Poppy Pomfrey looked up from her work, frowning as Ginny Weasley stood outlined in the doorway. "Yes, Miss Weasley? Is someone ill?"

"Yes, well, see…" the redhead hesitated, looking away from the office back into the hospital. Poppy could just make out a few voices, as well as raucous laughter, from the main room. What was going on out there? "there was, there was..."

The teenager rocked slightly back and forth, toe to heel, opening and closing her mouth as words refused to come. Poppy held back a sigh and prepared to comfort a nervous patient, when she realised that the girl did not seem anxious at all. Poppy huffed. "Miss Weasley, if there's a problem why, might I ask, are you about to laugh?"

"I'm, I'm not." She struggled out before taking a few calming breaths. This marginally helped, but her highly amused grin stubbornly stayed. "It's not funny, it's not. Not very much. Course not."

Poppy didn't bother holding back a sigh. Yes, she had an awful feeling about this. A boy's voice choking with laughter (Ronald Weasley's, she realised with dread) drifted out from the main hospital.

"Where's Creevey when you need him? No one got a picture of ferret Malfoy, we can't miss this!"

A second voice, this one female answered (hotly angry and unrecognisable to Poppy). "If I see a damned camera I'll—" but the threat abruptly ended with a barely discernible groan and muttered curse.

"It's not just your appearance?" Mr. Weasley said gleefully. "This is too good!"

A third voice, Hermione Granger's, spoke up. "Don't worry, ignore Ron. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will reverse it in a snap. She's never failed before."

Poppy pressed a hand to her forehead. If Miss Granger and two Weasleys were in her Hospital Wing, there was only one person who was surely in trouble. "Miss Weasley, what's going on?"

"There, there was a prank…" the girl managed to get out before succumbing to giggles.

Without further ado, Poppy snatched up her wand and pulled her chair back from the desk. Her thoughts were weighted down with resignation for, not again. 'Of course it'd be Mr. Potter. When was that boy not doing something dangerous?' She swiftly moved from the room, followed by the teenager who had her hands over her mouth, covering her giggles. But Poppy paused as she surveyed the three students in the Hospital Wing. It was indeed Mr. Weasley who was laughing hysterically while Miss Granger tried to restore the peace, but she didn't recognise the red-haired girl in the bed.

Poppy sped over, reassessing the situation as she went. Maybe she'd misunderstood. Maybe it was Potter who'd played the prank on the girl? She felt her breathing momentarily freeze at the thought of the boy embracing his father's Marauder side.

But the healer forced out a reassuring smile when she got to the bedside. Her patient was turned away from her, still ranting at Mr. Weasley. The girl seemed to be fourteen, or maybe fifteen and petite. While her long crimson hair hid most of her profile, Poppy could discern enough of her pale features (long straight nose, high cheekbones, a touch too thin) to know she'd never seen this student before. Perhaps the girl was a visitor? But she was wearing a Hogwarts' uniform, even though—Poppy silently clicked her tongue—her shirt was dreadfully small, and it was clear she wasn't wearing any support. The healer couldn't believe some teenagers' 'styles' these days.

"What have you lot done now?" Madam Pomfrey said, looking over the students. "I assumed that Mr. Potter was injured again."

"Harry," Miss Granger gulped, glancing at the now groaning girl who dropped her head to her hands, "Harry isn't injured, exactly. But, err…"

It quickly became clear that Miss Granger was as tongue-tied as Miss Weasley. While Poppy was struck by this strange occurrence she kept the reassuring smile in place and turned back to her distraught patient. "My dear, could you tell me what's wrong? I'm afraid I can't place you. Are you a student here?"

This proved to be too much for both the unknown girl and Mr. Weasley. While the latter all but fell from his seat laughing, the girl straightened up and seemed to glare daggers at him.

Madam Pomfrey's smile rapidly faded with the ruckus of helpless male giggling as well as the unspoken threat of violence from the seething, unknown girl. "Who are you? Mr. Weasley, why are you acting like this?"

"Madam Pomfrey?" Miss Weasley spoke up from behind her, struggling to keep her expression as unamused as possible. "Harry was…I think my brothers or someone pranked him with a spiked candy. Which he was stupid enough to eat."

"Oi!" The blushing girl turned her frustrated gaze from one Weasley to the other. "You took a candy too. If anyone but Luna had offered me a cauldron cake, I'd have known right where to chuck it! Like I knew she was working with those berks."

"Mister—Potter?" Pomfrey blinked as the grumbling girl looked up at her with startlingly green eyes. Her gaze drifted upward to where a lightning bolt was just peeking out from behind curly red hair. "OH. Oh, I see? You do get yourself into ridiculous situations, don't you."

Mr. Weasley snorted, wiping away tears of mirth. "Yeah, we've been telling her that for years."

The girl (Mr. Potter, Poppy reminded herself in startled confusion) pounced on the redhead, grabbing his wand from him before he knew what was happening.

"Ah—" Mr. Weasley's laugh trailed off as the angry 'girl' pointed a wand at his face, "—mate?"

"One more word," the petite teenager spat out, "or any pictures, and you'll see just how 'hilarious' it is to switch genders!"

"Harry!" Miss Granger tugged her irritated, protesting friend back onto the bed. "There's no cameras and none of us will say anything."

Miss Granger snatched Mr. Weasley's wand from the pouting hand and, ignoring both of their sounds of disbelief, dropped it into her own pocket. "I don't trust either of you with this. Madam Pomfrey, can you change Harry back to himself?"

Poppy shook herself from her daze and, while she momentarily considered taking House Points, Potter was obviously under duress, and the situation had righted itself. So, sighing, she turned to her nervous patient and began casting diagnostic charms.

Ah. Poppy blinked at the results and retried the tests. The results remained the same the second time. And third. The teenagers began getting restless; Potter's expression was particularly arched with anxiety.

"Madam—" Miss Granger began hesitantly; Poppy shook her head to cut her off.

"I'm sorry that took so long." The Matron returned her gaze to Potter. "The potion isn't permanent. Unfortunately—"

The enchanted student grinned wildly, before frowning as Poppy hesitated on the last word.

"—you'll have to wait for the effect to wear off. The potion used was complex and mixed with various locking charms, as well as what seems to be a mild transfiguration. There will be no long-term effects, but there's also no easy fix."

Potter looked as though he'd swallowed a lemon, or a dozen of the Headmaster's Sherbet flavoured sweets. "How long?!" He asked in a feminine, high-pitched shriek, before wincing at the decibel. Mr. Weasley snorted.

Poppy suppressed her desire to shrug. She began to think she might take Sybill up on her longstanding offer of a mid-day sherry. "I'd suspect at least a few days, though likely closer to a week."

"A WEEK?" Three of the teenagers cried; Potter in horrorstruck disbelief, Miss Weasley with a heartened groan, and Mr. Weasley in hilarity. It was Miss Granger's turn to wince before glaring at all of them for screaming in her ears.

"Can't anything be done?" Potter spoke desperately.

"I'm sorry." Poppy said sympathetically. "I'll consult with Professor Snape, but any spell or potion to further change or mask your appearance would likely interact with the potion already in your system. Which, for obvious reasons, should be avoided. I really am sorry."

Seeing the petite girl's expression transform from terror to rage, Poppy began to contemplate calling in reinforcements or dosing Potter with a calming draught so that the student wouldn't go on a homicidal rampage or declare an all-out prank war. For goodness knows it'd be a miracle if Hogwarts was left standing at the end of that.

"Nothing she can do?" Harry's voice dripped with vehemence, his rant about Pomfrey being interspersed with anatomically impossible ways to get vengeance on Luna and the twins. But Ron felt the fiery effect was somewhat diluted by his friend's high-pitched voice, the new, bouncy additions to 'her' chest, and the way the cursing paused every few seconds so that 'she' could irritatingly brush back unruly long hair.

Ron swallowed a very manly giggle. Who knew pronouns could be so funny? Now, where was Colin and his camera when you needed him?

"Unbelievable!" Harry continued to rant, tugging at the hair with an annoyed groan. "Regrowing bones and healing dragon burns? No bloody problem! But one stupid gender prank's too—Christ, this damn hair. That's it! I'm cutting this!"

"Oh, honestly!" Hermione huffed at the last. Opening her bag, she searched around before handing a hairband over to Harry. "Knowing you you'd use a severing curse rather than a mild cutting charm. Don't take your head off and just use this."

"Fine fine." Harry grumbled, not really protesting. But he then looked at the hairband in confusion, rage momentarily distracted. "Wait, Hermione—"

Ginny bit back her amusement. "Pull your hair to the back of your head and knot the band around it to make a ponytail. You flip the band over your fingers, then it…you just flip it over a few times." She realised how weak her instructions were. "I could do it for you before heading to Charms?"

Harry was still looking incredulous, but shook his head and gingerly followed her vague instructions. After a few attempts he managed a messy knot. Hermione hesitated and seemed on the verge of saying something, but just shared a look with Ginny before the latter rolled her eyes and went off to class. Ron's hand had remained against his mouth the whole time, struggling to hold back his mad laughter.

Now unobstructed by distracting hair, Harry started back in on his plots for revenge with a new vigour as the three aimed towards the dungeons. As their 'free period' was almost done and the break was just beginning, students started to amble out of classrooms. Ron figured the only reason Harry wasn't completely freaking out was because no one would recognise him. But he also knew the not-really-boy-who-lived would have to be forcibly restrained to 'convince' to go to class.

"—those PRATS!" Harry had restarted the rant, drawing his wand and scowling at passing students with such vehemence that a wide, confused detour was made around the small group. "Dosing them with veritaserum wouldn't be enough. Turning them into Veela? Maybe, is that possible? I could ask Fleur…wait, love potions. That's it! Set it for Snape or Filch. Or BOTH! They'll never…"

Ron blinked, noticing that Harry had drifted off. Turning, he saw his eyes narrow at the hall in front of them. He only just managed to stop his burst of laughter when he realised who was chatting ahead, oblivious to their presence and to who was glaring at them.

Harry used a quiet sonorous on himself, silently approaching the group, Ron and Hermione following a step behind. Al and Lily, spotting the three approaching students, did a double-take when they noticed Harry. Al froze but Lily started giggling helplessly. The other members of their group were too busy talking to notice their reactions. Coming up right behind the twins, a holly wand was raised to their backs as a deep breath was inhaled. Ron just had time to cover his ears before all hell broke lose.

"WHAT THE HELL!" The feminine voice shrieked, rattling the window panes and making the Weasley Twins and Jamie jump in fright before spinning around.

"Harry?" Fred started to laugh but was interrupted.

"Hilarious, great prank." Harry spoke in a venomous whisper, which still pierced Ron's ears because of the sonorous. "Turn me back RIGHT NOW, or I'll vanish a few appendages of yours! How's that sound?"

Fred and George almost fell over themselves as they rapidly backed away. Ron took a moment to appreciate how his friend could make a petite, seemingly harmless girl utterly terrifying.

"Funny thing about that." Fred slightly winced as Harry's glare turned to him. George took a few precautionary steps away from his brother. "See, the potion we used lasts a week. No counter. But it's the least you deserved for corrupting our sister! Still, look on the bright side. You make one ridiculously hot bird—"

As Fred began to, also, shriek like a girl (as he hopped around dodging Harry's spells), Ron wondered whether it was Gryffindor bravery or unbelievable idiocy that had compelled his brother to say that. He didn't really care though, and fell back into laughter once it was clear his best friend was thoroughly distracted by hexing someone else.

Hermione was too busy holding back her own giggles to properly lecture.

Professor Snape paused in his opening lecture at the muffled voices from outside his door.

"—not going—"

"Come on. It'll be awful but just—"

"NO!"

"Stop being stubborn! We're already late and—"

With a sneer and casual wave of his wand, Snape opened the door with a bang. Another flick and the 'Golden Trio' was tumbling into the room. Except that these were not the three tardy students he'd been expecting. Though there was Weasley and Granger, accompanying them was a disheveled, petite redhead. Potter was nowhere to be seen.

"Professor?" Granger scrambled up, her face flushed and nervous. "I'm really sorry, but we have a note from Madam Pomfrey."

"Five points each from Gryffindor for your lateness, Granger, Weasley." Snape spoke idly as the latter growled. He then glanced at the unknown girl without particularly caring. "Who are you and where's Potter? But no, let me guess. He got distracted with an autograph signing and will be 'fashionably late'."

The aforementioned student blushed, glaring at Snape. But whatever angry retort the girl had was lost when the professor properly caught sight of her. He felt his breath chill: the girl was the spitting image of Lily Evans. From her indignant green eyes, flaming dark red hair, chiseled nose and…and…Merlin. The older wizard couldn't help but sway, putting his hand back to support himself against the desk.

"Harry!" Granger was lecturing. Snape snapped out of his thoughts with the name that was said to the angry girl, as though stopping her from saying something. Reality hit him without mercy, instantly transforming his shock into stunned rage.

"Potter!" The Potions Master hissed, regaining his balance and more furious than any but the Marauders had seen him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I," the Lily Evans' look-alike blinked. Whatever retort the student was about to say was cut off, mainly due to the surprise at the teacher's harsh anger, "it was a prank. The Weasley twins—"

"Stop this disruption. Sit. Down!" Snape shouted before pointing at the seats and bewildered majority of the class. "Fifty points from Gryffindor!"

"What!" The Golden Trio (and the rest of the Lions) yelped as one. The Slytherins smirked through their bewilderment.

"Either to you or the Weasleys for disrespecting the dead." The Professor snarled, not amused in the least. "I said SIT!"

Weasley blinked, torn between outrage and confusion. "…disrespecting the dead?"

Snape's sneer increased. All would later swear the room's temperature fell like plummeting ice. "Apparently Potter must always be a clone of one parent or the other. SEATS! NOW! Or it'll be a hundred points!"

The trio hurried to their places after that.

The lesson went on; Snape's ensuing headache gained more strength whenever he caught that brat Potter staring at him. The utterly familiar, blasted green eyes were practically brimming over with questions.

Just like his mother, indeed. Perhaps Dumbledore had a point after all…

Or actually, screw them all. It made life far simpler.

Henry, Jenny and Teddy were enjoying a calm dinner. None of them could quite believe this, but decided to go with the flow and enjoy the laid-back conversation. With their plans for later this evening, a bit of tranquility before the storm was welcoming. However, hearing whispers begin to ripple around the Hall, the three of them gave each other knowing looks.

"Two galleons it's the twins and Jamie." Henry whispered as they surveyed the room, looking for the disruption.

"Nah, it'll be Al and Lils." Teddy whispered back, looking at the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs to try to spot any pink hair or polka-dotted skin.

Jenny snorted. "Two galleons that the 'Golden Trio' have been on another adventure."

Henry shrugged. "It was pretty quiet for a few months, so it must be a…a…" he dwindled off, his gaze spotting the group at the Gryffindor Table. "…a prank. Oh Merlin."

Jenny looked at him curiously, having not spotted anything out of place. "What then, it's a prank? Why're you disappointed, you probably won. Henry? Henry?" She nudged her husband, who was staring at the Hall with his mouth dropped open. Her voice lowered. "Harry, are you okay?"

"Jenny?" Teddy touched her shoulder and pointed to the Gryffindors. He barely covered up a chuckle. "I think that's the problem."

She looked curiously over, but still didn't see anything unusual. There was Ron, who was laughing at something, Hermione, who was hitting her 'not-really-boyfriend' with a spoon, and Jenny's younger self who watched the bickering while whispering to another red-haired girl beside her. The time traveller squinted to recognise this last girl, but she'd just turned away from the Staff Table.

Jenny watched as Ron renewed his laughter about something or other, and younger Ginny and the unknown girl jerked their heads in his direction with dark glares. With the change of position Jenny could now see that the girl was pretty, with prominent green eyes which was oddly reminiscent of her husband's and Al's. Yet she still couldn't place her, which was odd since the petite teenager was wearing Gryffindor colours.

Younger Ginny began shouting at her chuckling brother and Jenny could just discern the words over the Great Hall's noise.

"—you MORON! You're siding with the twins? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM." The surrounding students began to hush and turn to watch the show. Ron said something in a placating voice but younger Ginny would clearly have none of it.

"YOU'RE SO DENSE! I LOVE HARRY, YOU GIT. SO NO, I WOULDN'T MIND DOING THIS!"

The steaming Ginny turned to the unknown red-haired girl next to her and, without a pause, pulled her into a kiss. The other girl was surprised for a second, then shrugged and embraced Ginny closer to her as the snog deepened. Ron seemed beyond mortified but Hermione finally gave way to laughter.

"YES!" Lily gleefully cried out, breaking the Hall out of its stunned silence. "I WON THE POOL! See Al, told you Ron and Hermione wouldn't snog here first."

"Yeah, rub it in." Al huffed, looking anywhere but at the couple in question.

Jenny merely gaped at the scene before turning to her husband in panicked disbelief. "I swear I'm straight. I have no idea what she's doing!"

"Jenny?" Teddy laughed while Henry was still frozen in horror. "Look at the girl's forehead."

Jenny, fighting back a blush, reluctantly returned her gaze to the snogging couple, who had stopped but were still eliciting catcalls from around the Great Hall. 'Why would Teddy want me to look at her forehead?' She wondered. 'There's just curly hair and,' she squinted, 'a scar, but that's—'

Her brain caught up to her thoughts and realisation sunk in. She leaned against her still-shocked husband and, like many before her, gave way to helpless giggles.

"MISS WEASLEY!" Stormed Professor McGonagall. The two teenagers finished untangled themselves as the teacher marched over. "Such a display is completely inappropriate! Who is this?"

The girls, though clearly wishing to hide beneath the table, reluctantly turned to the Deputy Headmistress.

"I'm sorry," Ginny finally spoke, "this was my fault. My brothers were trying to ruin my love life—again, that is—and I wanted to prove a point."

"Ruin your love life?" Her partner turned to Ginny in disbelief, embarrassment instantly disappearing. "How about my bloody life?"

Ginny shrugged apologetically. "I have six older brothers. You knew what you were getting into."

"No, I didn't know what I was getting into!" The incensed student pulled at the long hair in exasperation. "I expected threats or a few curses. I didn't expect to be turned into the blasted girl-who-lived!" The last three words were spoken with clear distaste.

Ginny patted his hand reassuringly, lips twitching with something like a laugh. "It'll only last a week, Harry."

"YES!" Angelina Johnson screamed, pouncing up to fist-bump an equally ecstatic Katie Bell. "Whoops, sorry Harry. But we won the pool! Where are those twins?"

"They're indisposed." Lily waved it off. "I need to find them too."

"Potter?" McGonagall asked faintly, the premise of this latter conversation not registering in the midst of the greater insanity.

The red-haired 'girl' smiled humourlessly. "In the flesh."

"Well, most of you." Ginny commented helpfully, twirling a bit of the other's hair around her finger.

Harry swiped her hand away. "Thanks for the reminder." He grumbled, looking down mournfully. "Merlin, I should've hexed them more."

McGonagall rubbed her forehead plaintively, still in shock. "Potter, have you seen Madam Pomfrey? Who exactly did you hex?"

"Pomfrey couldn't do anything, and they cursed me first!" Outraged, Harry pointed at himself. "See? I absolutely had just cause."

"We know, we know." Ginny pulled Harry's hands back down. "But you can't murder my brothers."

He huffed, disagreeing with Ginny's statement. "Fine. But I'm using a severing charm on their—"

"MISTER POTTER!" McGonagall cried out. "I don't care what prank was pulled on you. You're not going to disfigure anybody!"

"An eye for an eye." He muttered, crossing his arms. Many of the boys around the Great Hall nodded in shuddering agreement.

"Harry," Ginny spoke as though she was calming a toddler mid-tantrum, "the twins are gits. But they didn't disfigure you."

Harry looked at her in disbelief, his mouth falling open. The other males in the Hall gave the redhead similar incredulous looks. In response, Ginny rolled her eyes. "Permanently disfiguring and temporarily switching genders are very different things. Anyway, you're still a great kisser—"

"Ginny!" Ron cried, blinking in horror.

"—and if you're 'Harriet' for a week," she smirked, "we can get back at my brothers in more interesting ways than just pranking them."

Harry eyed Ginny apprehensively. "What're you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know," she hemmed amid Ron's background fussing, "I'm sure we can think of some way to traumatise them. I'm up for a bit of experimentation if it means mentally scarring my prats of brothers. Maybe we can get Luna to join us?"

The blonde perked up at the Ravenclaw Table, along with most of the guys around the room. Some of the Gryffindors (at least the ones not cheering and cat-calling) had the opposite reaction: McGonagall had frozen and appeared too shocked to even take away House Points, Ron was hyperventilating, and both Hermione and Neville stared with jaws gaping wide as Harry returned the kiss, pulling his hands through Ginny's fiery red hair. No one was as shocked with the kiss itself than with the Gryffindors' nerve to do so right in front of the Deputy Headmistress. Needless to say, many of the stereotypes concerning the Lions' reckless behaviour was proven correct that day.

As Ginny climbed into Harry's lap without breaking the kiss, Jamie, Al and Lily stared at their past parents in absolute mortification…before realising what they were doing and rapidly looking elsewhere. Jenny, Henry, and Teddy weren't doing much better.

"Wipe my memory when this is over?" Henry whispered in his wife's ear as they watched McGonagall scream at the two teenagers. "Tell me this isn't real."

"WEASLEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF—DETENTION! FOR A WEEK! A MONTH! POTTER, DO NOT PUT YOUR—"

Teddy shook his head in stunned disbelief. "Were you both dosed with Amortentia? Confundus charms? Bloody imperios?" He muttered quietly to his godparents, only half joking. Still, he kept his eyes locked on the chaotic scene, determined to have a pristine memory for Pensieve blackmail.

In contrast, Jamie began hitting his head on the table to try and get the scarring image out of his head. "Them snogging privately's bad enough." He muttered. "Why did I suggest this? Of course they'd be exhibitionists."

Al sniggered at his brother's words, even while he too kept his eyes averted from the sight of his past parents. But the snogging couple suddenly froze as they looked across the table at their future kids.

Jamie, realising that the noise had stopped, looked up hopefully. But what met his eyes was his parents wrapped around each other; hair and shirts askew, Ginny straddling Harry with her left foot half-way in the porridge on the table, and both students staring directly at him with narrowing eyes. He paused, looked behind him in confusion, before recollecting what he had just said.

"Ah, what I meant was—" he dwindled off as he met his past dad's piercing gaze, "—huh. Even as a girl you have the 'I-am-so-disappointed-and-angry-at-you' face down."

Harry tried to disentangle himself while grabbing for his wand, but Ginny managed to get it first and threw it to Hermione, who'd finally come out of her stunned state.

"Don't curse Jamie." Ginny said plaintively, tugging her shirt into place while she slid back into her seat. She brushed the lunch off of her shoe. "My brothers are one thing, but—" her voice petered off as she had to hold him back, which was harder than it appeared considering the scrambling body was rather small. The redhead huffed, grabbing Harry around the waist with a better grip, "—stop fighting me! Merlin, calm down."

Harry turned around incredulously, which was awkward since his limbs were still tangled with Ginny's. "How am I supposed to react?" He gritted out, sneaking a glare at a paling Jamie.

"You aren't supposed to overreact and try to curse everyone." Ginny spoke, still clutching Harry to her tightly.

He rolled his eyes, trying to break free of Ginny's hold. "Yeah, sure. What would you do if someone turned you into a bloke?"

"I expect I'd find something to keep me busy." Ginny said without thinking, struggling to keep her squirming boyfriend from jumping on Jamie. Ron and the male Parker kids reddened dramatically. Lily frowned in confusion. Harry stopped trying to escape, twisting around to stare at Ginny.

"What?" She said, confused as to the incredulous gazes. She looked around to ask Hermione, but the older girl was too busy laughing to answer either her's or Lily's questioning stares.

"I-I think I'll pass on that." Harry stammered, looking down at his chest while his flush deepened.

"What?" Ginny repeated, but after a few moments her thoughts caught up to the situation. "Oh, OH." She blushed. "I didn't mean that! I, I meant, something other than cursing half the school!"

One dinner later saw our Gryffindor heroes trudging up to the Common Room, their expressions tugged between hilarity and horror. Harry and Ginny could hardly look at each, their 'devil-may-care' attitudes having given way to stunned mortification. The knowledge of the lost House Points and month's worth of detentions hadn't even dawned on them in light of everything else.

"I can't believe you did that." Hermione groaned, while her lips were still smudged upward in amusement. "You're both in so much trouble!"

"I know," Ginny said disbelievingly, pushing her shaking hand through her hair, "it was like my inhibitions just flew out the window! Not that I mind kissing you," she quickly reassured Harry, "but in front of McGonagall and the entire school?"

"Don't worry," Harry looked similarly shocked, "I don't get it either. Just doing that in front of the Gryffindors would have been too much! What the hell got into us?"

"Amortentia." Luna said simply, skipped up to them, outpacing them by a few steps. She turned back to look questioningly at the others in realising they had stopped walking and were staring at her. "What? Is there a Wrackspurt on me?" She began flapping her arms about, spinning in place.

"Amortentia?" Harry asked faintly. "What are you talking about?"

The blonde stopped her circling, and returned to blinking dreamily, looking at Harry as though the answer was obvious. "I wanted to help Jamie but I didn't want to accidentally break you two up."

Ginny rubbed her eyes. "What does this have to do with amortentia?"

"Just a few drops of it, not much at all. Jamie gave me the dosed cauldron cake from the Weasley twins," Luna said slowly, "and I spiked that and the sugar quills with love potion."

Harry and Ginny looked at each other, and back to Luna aghast. "You did what?" Hermione asked faintly while the others were too stunned to speak.

Luna blinked again. "I thought the prank sounded funny and I was curious how Harry would look–by the way, you make a very nice girl Harriet–but I didn't want it to negatively affect your relationship."

"So you made us snog in the Great Hall?" Harry said, rubbing his forehead in annoyance.

"I didn't make you. It was a mild love potion–just enough to lower your inhibitions." Luna smiled. "Ginny, I expect your brothers learned a lesson."

Ginny couldn't help but grin, even while a deep flush covered her cheeks. "I'll give you that. I think we scarred them and most of the Great Hall for life."

Hermione snorted in amusement. "Except for the boys, who will no doubt remember this fondly."

"Hermione," Ron moaned, "why'd you have to say that? Ugh, horrible mental pictures. Where's Lockhart when you need him?"

"I was just stating a fact." The prefect rolled her eyes before smirking uncharacteristically. "Imagine that two random girls suddenly started snogging in the Great Hall. How would you react?"

Harry's blush deepened. "You're evil. Not even brilliant, just terrifyingly scary."

"This is a terrible idea."

"Shush. You'll do great."

Henry eyed the fidgeting students in trepidation. "They're going to hex me. Without hesitation or mercy."

"They'll understand." Jenny said encouragingly while shoving him further out onto the platform the Room of Requirement had provided. "If not, we can take them. Go on. We agreed this was the best idea."

"Yeah." Looking at the small crowd of Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, he was starting to rethink this decision. "Maybe we can explain without taking off the memory charms…?"

"Henry," she said warningly, "let's start the meeting." Thus with one last push he was stumbling forward. The entire room hushed as he went.

"Ah, hi." Henry said with fake brightness. Nobody bought it. "Nice to see all of you here for this, extra credit meeting. But, I have to confess, that was a bit of a lie. Not a 'lie' so much as a fib. A white lie. A lie of exclusion?"

"Just take off the damn charms." Jenny muttered from behind him.

Henry hesitated. "Maybe I should explain it another way. I'm about to do a spell that will take away small, itty bitty memory charms which were on all of you." His voice raised to shout over the sweltering protest. "Just hear us out and repress any urge to hex us, all right?"

With that and a wave of the Elder Wand, a golden mist swirled around the air before floating down to the students. Said students blinked, shook their heads, looked at the adults in disbelief, and then the explosion went off.

"YES!" Padma Patil shrieked, pounding her hand in the air. Her sister and Lavender Brown skidded away from her. "I knew it. I knew it! WHOO!"

"Of course it's Weasley." Cho groaned, leaning against the wall. "Why am I even surprised. Though, oi! A memory charm? A dozen memory charms? Talk about salt in the wound."

"Oh. Okay." Neville said weakly, paling. "Wow. Wait, I mean…the Parkers? It's, uh…why was Lil, Lily asking about a snake?"

"Ah." Luna blinked, came to terms with the 'endless' memory charms, and resettled herself. She turned to Henry with a disappointed frown. "You really do need to work on your disguises. They're not that good."

"Freaking hell." Dean rubbed his head. "Harry knew? Course he did. What am I talking about, and Ron too—but, huh." With another thought he stared up accusingly at his old friend. "Not cool, mate! Not cool! Twenty memory charms? Really? What're you playing at!"

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God—" Colin Creevey kept up a rapid chant while his brother Dennis excitedly shrieked: "Harry Potter's my teacher! I got an E from Harry Potter! Harry Potter taught me about Grindylows!"

Lee Jordan just blinked before groaning. "The ultimate prank and I wasn't in on it. Figures. I'm going to kill the twins."

All the Ravenclaws (sans a still cheering Padma) had long since formed a circle to figure out if time travel of this caliber was possible and, if it was, what its implications would be. They were also comparing retaliatory curses for even daring to interfere with their thought processes. The Hufflepuffs were comparing notes about what their separate memory charmed moments had revealed.

Angelina, Katie, and Alicia had likewise grouped together, and were shifting from sending Jenny cursory looks (having now remembered various hints about her Harpy days) to glaring at Henry.

"So no curses then." Teddy barely got out from his chuckles as his godfather finally began to relax. He figured he'd probably never stop laughing. "Can't believe I lost the bet to Al, I was sure someone was going to hex us."

"Ohhh." Padma finally stopped her cheering to stare at them wide eyed. "Holy Merlin, your kids! You have kids! They're completely insane!"

"No, they're—" Henry and Jenny began their token protest before, realising its futility, hopelessly pointed at each other. "It's his/her fault."

Lee sniggered. "No wonder Fred and George have basically adopted Jamie. With parents like these he has to be a wunderkind. Wait a tic, aren't Al and Lily actually Slytherins?" Their parents exchanged a nervous look, but Lee hadn't finished. "Huh, that makes so much more sense."

"That Triplet scene!" Angelina suddenly shouted, glancing around the room as though expecting Fred, George and Jamie to jump out from the woodwork. "I'm going to kill them."

"Not before I do." Lee gave a terrifying grin.

"Oh my God." Lavender clapped her hands to her mouth. "That's why they keep giving me dark looks. You don't think they heard…" she turned to the older Harry with an apologetic yet inquisitive look, "is all that stuff about You Know Who true? It, it can't be. But…at the Welcoming Feast…"

"Voldemort's back." A dark shadow fell over Henry's expression as gasps resounded through the room. "You should all remember the Feast now? Good, so I hope that it combined with what's happened since, you believe us?" Not a hush was heard. He sighed before continuing in a softer tone. "If you don't want to believe that Voldemort—come on, it's just a name—is alive, then fine. We were only transported back in time because of an accident. But as long as we're here we'll do everything we can to stop the war from occurring. So, hopefully, you'll never have to worry about it."

"War?" Cho asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, the Second War." Teddy took up the story. "In our original timeline it lasted from 1995 until 1997. We won, but Voldemort was able to rise to power. He began to round up and 'eliminate' muggleborns in a way similar to the muggle Holocaust."

Jenny kept her gaze on the panicking or incredulous students. "Don't get us wrong, the future's a good one. But we think we can change it for the better."

"That would create a paradox." Padma pointed out, frowning in worry. "If you change the future, won't you and your children cease to exist?"

"The Department of Mysteries sent me back after my family." Jenny explained. "They told me about a loophole we could exploit. Though the Ministry wasn't happy about it, they said that if we did have to change things then we'd likely be making an alternate timeline. Because we have an anchor from our actual home, we should be able to get back eventually–so, it doesn't matter what we change."

Lee waved the explanation away. "That's well and good, but what the hell are we supposed to do? Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to have my memories back, but if you were going to return them why'd you bother obliviating us in the first place?"

Henry humourlessly chuckled. "Because all of you are far too observant. Since the Welcoming Feast we've been having to do memory charms right and left. We figured that, if each of you lot are able to figure us out in the span of a month no less than ten times each, we might as well drop all pretences. At least for you lot. It's still a secret, so don't go talking about it."

Most of the students looked annoyed at the memory charms, but even more of them seemed ready to grudgingly accept that they had been necessary. Angelina (though still highly irritated and clutching her wand longingly) took up Lee's questioning. "That doesn't answer what we're supposed to do. You drop, 'We're time travellers here to prevent a future war' onto us, and expect us to go to class like nothing's wrong?"

Hushed whispers of agreement twirled around the room. Jenny looked contemplative. "That's a good point. The other students who know are working on research projects, you can talk to them about the details. Apart from that, I suppose you should keep an eye out for anything unusual—"

"What about the army?" Cho Chang interrupted, a new glint in her eye. "'Dumbledore's 'Army of Students' that the Prophet's been prattling about."

Teddy smirked from an 'inside joke', even though he shook his head in the negative. "Nothing to it, just rumours."

"But it could be real." Cho pressed on, stepping forward. "We could learn to fight! If this war does happen we'd be prepared. Even if it doesn't, you never know what could happen. Look at Ced—" her voice quavered before pressing on, "Cedric. You're good teachers, but we should do everything we can to practice. What about extra lessons? An extracurricular activity?"

"Hear Hear!" Ernie Macmillian agreed pompously. A swell of similar noises swirled out from the crowd. Jenny and Teddy sent a flabbergasted Henry amused looks.

"Isn't this familiar." Jenny whispered before turning back to the waiting group. "That's a wonderful idea. Unfortunately, the three of us are overloaded with work for classes and side projects. But I think I know the perfect teacher for you. He might require a bit of persuasion, though I'm sure all of you can handle it. After all," her grin became predatory, mirroring her prankster brothers, "what's one teenager against a few dozen determined students?"

A/N: I admit it, I adore terrible fanfic clichés. While the grammar's almost always lacking, I'm hooked on the deaged, love potion/veritaserum-drenched, gender benders, and, yes, even Mary Sue guilty pleasure fics. So I really wanted to include some of them in this story. Please don't avada kedavra me! I promise not to go too overboard. Maybe. Possibly.

Honestly, count yourselves as lucky. An OMAKE for this fic (that, sadly, likely won't see the light of day) involved my take on, 'let's-dose-Harry-with-love-potion-but-get-Ron-instead'; 'Won-Won-and-Lav-Lav-sitting-in-a-tree'; and when 'Harry-jumps-Ginny-post-Quidditch-while-Gryffindor-House-catcalls', with slash and pent-up sexual tension thrown in. It was hilarious, I swear, and I'm still recovering from having to sideline it.