A/N: i told you i'd update soon! and thanks to Raidon Phantom's puppy-dog eyes, you get an update again today! how awesome is that?

holy feck! i broke 5,000 hits and am halfway to 200 reviews! -sniff sniff- :')
i dunno how to thank you guys... other than saying a great big: "OMFG THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!" and encouraging you all to keep those stats up! i promise there is lots more action and romance to come, and all of you will simply adore it.

by the way, when i mentioned in my opening-chapter AN about the book, Love Letters Perfect Strangers, i want you all to know this is almost nothing like that book. never was. i just liked the enemy-becoming-a-couple-through-emails idea and used that. everything else was my idea. quite the plot, quite the plot... -chuckles-

now, enjoy some fluff and a mini/major event or two in the plot! remember, everything i write has a purpose. :3

Chapter 20: Seeking What Is Not There

Naruto sat numb upon hearing Gaara's words, his mind flashing with memories of his mother crying when he asked at age 2, 'where's daddy?'. Kushina Uzumaki had been strong and tough and an all-around tomboy, but when it came to his father she had always bawled her eyes out. So now, like Naruto, Gaara had been orphaned. His mother, Naruto knew, was long gone, but suddenly fate claimed his friend's father as well?

The blonde scrambled to right his phone after nearly dropping it into the lake; never mind that grass and a drop of mud clung to the plastic. "Eh?!" he got out finally, 'eh' being the sole noise his vocal cords could make at a time like this.

"I said: 'my father died'. Temari told me previous to your call. He was an alcoholic, as you know, so it was bound to happen sometime." Resshin says lowly and steadily, his voice not wavering once.

"B-but… he's your dad…"

"And a cruel man," the other teen reminds. He bites at his lower lip, chewing without hurting. Somehow, it was had to talk about, even if he strongly disliked his abusive parent.

"Well, yeah, I know by your poem 'Sleepless', but still… Gaara, are you okay? I mean, uh, are you handling this alright?" Naruto sputters softly, concern laced through every word like needlepoint through fabric. In a sense, 'love was in every stitch', though not quite the love you're thinking of.

"I'm fine," the redhead replies with a muffled cough, one he didn't even know he was going to make until his throat tickled and he had to make it.

Naruto's eyes get watery and he blinks. He switches ears on the phone and dusts away some of the blades of grass clinging to it. "You don't sound okay. Want me to come over?"

Come over? Gaara repeats mentally, his eyes going wide for a second. He wants to come over? The Uchiha would hate that. And I'm not so sure I'd be comfortable with it, either. "No."

Shippuuden pouts. "Too bad, I am anyway. And I'm bringing you ice cream. You sound like you need to be cheered up."

"Don't, really. I quite frankly feel numb. No sadness, no anger, no relief… simply numb." He doesn't know why he's confessing this, nor does he care. Because, really, it's the truth; his mouth was constantly in that hard, straight line and his heart was a bit slower in pumping, but other than that he felt nothing at all. No unease, no sickness, no grief, not even the burning feeling to cry. His father was dead – has been since 9:47 this morning from liver failure – and he didn't feel a thing. The lack of closeness to his father and antipathy towards the man was probably the reason for such unfeeling.

"I said I am so I am!" the blonde replied stubbornly. "Even if you didn't like you dad, you're still losing a parent and have to make funeral plans and all that jazz, and it's super depressing. Which is why you need friends around. So I'm bringing ice cream to your house and you can't stop me." He grins at the end of this, liking to have an excuse to visit Gaara in his own home. "Er, but first… I kind of need to know here you live."

This abreaction with Naruto was oddly consoling. A trace of a smile ghosted Gaara's eyes. "You're persistent."

"As if you didn't already know that."

A small sigh escapes the redhead. "Fine. You can come. My address is…"

Naruto didn't have anything to write on, so – thinking on his feet – he recorded what Gaara had to say next onto his phone, which allowed him to re-listen to it in case he forgot.

20 minutes later, Naruto was walking, ice creams in hand, to Gaara's house. He refused to drive due to his phobia and knew Sasuke wouldn't take him, and his bike of 'course was mangled, which made walking the lone option unless he wanted to call Sakura (which he didn't because he knew she'd rag on him about this and giggle her pink-mopped head off).

The blonde struck the doorbell with his knuckle and licked at his melting ice cream, pausing mid-lick when Gaara answered the door. "Ta-da!" he presented with a smile, holding up the non-licked vanilla cone. "I didn't know what flavor you'd like, so I just got you vanilla…"

His e-pal takes it wordlessly and steps aside, letting Naruto in. "Did you walk here?"

Naruto nods and laps up more of his cone, specifically a trailing drop that was currently heading for his fingers. "Yup. That's why your cone is a little melty. Sorry 'bout that."

Gaara shrugs and raises the creamy treat to his lips, and the hurricane finds himself pausing to stare as the other teen takes a lick. He frowns at both himself and Gaara, because he realized how cliché and date-like having ice cream with someone is. Not to mention how full of innuendo; not that Naruto was thinking any of that stuff... he wasn't sure he liked Gaara that way yet.

Since his friend was seemingly interested in his melting cone, Naruto took the silent initiative to speak. "So… feeling better? About your dad, I mean." He adds nervously, striding over to the nearest place to sit that he saw. Gaara's house, he noticed, was quite average, and a duplex at that; he had been almost worried when he first saw the building, not sure which half of it belonged to Gaara. But he figured it out from the number at the last second and saved himself the embarrassment of going to a stranger's house with ice cream. Actually, Gaara was sort of a stranger too, but not entirely. The blonde hoped, in the future, that the teen across from him would be the far opposite of 'stranger'.

"With you here, I do feel less…" he had been about to say 'lonely', though realized that could be misinterpreted. "I'm feeling better," he says simply. Gaara takes another lick of his cone, actually glad the blonde thought to bring him one. He missed having ice cream around the house since money was tight. It felt like a luxury to him now.

Naruto perks up. "Good." He says with a grin and a chomp on his ice cream. But he forgot this wasn't soft-serve, which meant… "Ahh! Brain freeze!"

The redhead's lips dare to tug into a vague smile, though they don't. "Only stupid people get brain freeze."

Shippuuden took that as a challenge. "Oh yeah? Let's see you take a bite. I bet you'll get brain freeze!"

Gaara's eyes flash, as if to say, 'we'll see'. He then dives into his ice cream, taking a good sized bite. A shiver discreetly runs down his spine, but nothing else. "See?" he says flatly.

He sees Naruto grumble something from the chair across from him. Suddenly, the blonde looks up. "You never showed me your tattoo, you know. And you promised."

Gaara blinks once. "I did," he mutters. He takes a thoughtful lick at his frozen treat. "Come here, and I'll show you."

Satisfied that it was so easy, Naruto stands and strolls over, watching as Gaara sets down his cone (it was a cake cone, which means it had a flat bottom to stand up on) and stands. When he's a couple feet away, the blonde traces Gaara's movements with his eyes as the poet pulls back his triangular bangs behind his left ear. His movements, as Naruto has noticed before, are graceful in a way to make even a ballet dancer envious. Out of the blue he sees red in calligraphy-like lines, sweeping and stacking without touching over one another. One on top, three below, a long bar, two to one side and one to the other, then a strange boxed-in-with-tails mark at the bottom which grazed Gaara's hairless brow.

Naruto whistled long and low, daring to come forward a step and get a better, squinty-eyed look at the tattoo. "That's the kanji character for love, isn't it?" he asks, reaching up a hand to touch it.

Gaara backs away, leaving Naruto's hand to hover and curl at the fingers prior to falling limp at his side. He doesn't want me close enough to touch it. Guess he wouldn't… too bad, I've always wondered what a tattoo felt like. Hey, wait a second! Is that a blush on his face?!

Indeed there was a small pink hue tinting Gaara's features. He didn't know why, but having Naruto that close and nearly touching him made him nervous. Especially when that touch was more or less on his face.

The earthquake sat back down, his head shaking to loosen his bangs and make them settle back into place. He picked up his cone again with light fingers and trailed his tongue around the circumference to stop any dripping. "My turn," he says with a glance at the other. "You never told me what your dreams were about."

Naruto visibly flinched, for some reason not wanting to share that information with Gaara. Not that Gaara would want him to know about his own bird dreams, which apparently had the two of them as… a couple, for lack of better words (since 'lovers' would sound terribly off-base).

"Um… w-why would you want to know, anyhow? Th-they're just… you know… stupid dreams. Hey, I got a better idea: tell me about what happened with Sasuke. He won't tell me, although he admitted he said something to get you pissed. What was it? He can be a real jerk and get under people's skin sometimes, but come on! It has to take a lot to get under the skin of someone like you!" Naruto proposed instead, trying to get the topic of conversation from himself.

"I will… if you tell me your dreams. Before you ask again, it's because I've also had some with birds in it." Gaara debates, putting a resistible offer on the table.

To buy time to decide for such an offer, Naruto stuffs his face with his ice cream, biting into the crunchy cone, his eyes adverted. What a situation he was in now; he tries to do something nice – like cheer someone up who just became an orphan like himself – and yet it leads to uncomfortable things like this. Maybe that was because he was with Gaara and not someone else. Who, by the way, would most likely be crying on him. He thanked Kami that Gaara wasn't crying on him… that'd be both strange (since the redhead appears to have never cried in his life,) and unnerving (because he kinda-a-little-bit likes the other teen).

Rubbing the back of his neck, Naruto slowly nodded. "Alright, you win; I'll tell you part of my dreams. But you can't laugh – wait, you probably won't. No offense, Gaara, but I've never actually heard you laugh!" he pauses, a forced grin on his face. He clears his throat. "So, uh, just don't refuse to talk to me or something. And then you have to tell me about Sasuke and the whole fight, got it?"

The other silently nods, nibbling at the edges of his cone. Gaara was a slow eater, Naruto noticed; if he hadn't dared the other to try the brain freeze thing, he'd probably still be licking away, never finishing his treat until an hour-or-so later.

Blowing air out his mouth, Naruto rakes a hand through his hair and promptly scratches his cheek. Suddenly, the rest of his chocolate-strawberry cone looked sickeningly sweet. He stands and motions to it, asking without words where the garbage was. Gaara points to the far wall of the kitchen behind them. The blonde walks over, dumps the cone, and returns to the living room but doesn't seat himself or look Gaara in the eye. Instead he paces, gaze to the floor, his hands on his hips. More air is blown out his mouth, only frustrated for lack of words this time.

The words coming fast and unexpected, Naruto blurts in one long stream of vocal talents: "Okay, so, it's like this: when I got the first bird dream, it was way back when I knew only your alias and not your real name. In the dream there was this yellow canary-ish bird named Shippuuden who flew around all the hurricanes in the sky, barely ever going to the land. On that land, though, there was this cardinal-like red bird who later Shippuuden called 'Resshin', which liked to fly in the cracks made by earthquakes. But one day something happened to Resshin and he fell from the sky, and the impact hit Shippuuden as well so he fell, and died. But then there was an explosion and he turned into this human guy who looked kind of like me. And then he goes walking around, telling this dead-looking red bird to hurry up and be reborn 'cause they're supposed to be together or something cheesy like that. So he explodes, too, and there's red feather everywhere and I can't see what he looks like, but oddly he had red hair… which, looking back on it, is a lot like yours… but that's all I saw before I woke up."

Merely the first dream told and already Gaara was beginning to shake. They had… the same dream? By the sound of it, it was exact. And if that was true.. then maybe all the other's Gaara has had were also seen by Naruto, albeit a bit different since Gaara found out who Naruto was firsthand. He blinks when he feels cold, sticky liquid leak onto his hand. The redhead glances down, suddenly not hungry for his ice cream. He stands, throws it away, and comes back to look at Naruto, who had been watching him as the silence hung between them. "I had that dream, too."

Naruto's head jerks to show his level of stun. "You… did?"

Another nod.

"What about any… others?"

A third nod.

Naruto gulps. "You didn't, uh… get the feeling in those dreams that, uh… the two birds were… in l-love, did y-you?"

Hmm, this was a very awkward moment for the two 17-year-olds. Very awkward indeed.

"I… did," Gaara flushed in reply, turning his head. "But they weren't us."

"N-no! 'course not! I mean… sure, in one dream, Shippuuden touched something on Resshin's forehead that felt like a scar shaped like something like a written symbol, b-but it's not like your tattoo, I'm p-positive. 'Sides, it's all a coincidence that we had those dreams, right? People say dreams have meanings, but I totally think it's random stuff that our brains make up that we hardly remember. …Right?" Naruto said speedily, pacing but staring at Gaara, whom refused to look at him. Naruto felt his cheeks and ears burn, but he ignored it with a cough. "Anyway… now that that cat is out of the bag, tell me how you got fired."

He sits down, and instantly the poet feels more secure and also sits. He nods his head once, an action becoming quite common throughout this conversation. Gaara had not at all expected what was said. Two people having the same dreams? Both dreams being symbolic that he and Naruto were… what? ...meant to be together? Absurd! And yet Gaara found himself blushing at the thought of how loving the two representations had acted, which was exactly like (pardon the following pun) two lovebirds.

"Right…" Nothing can be more embarrassing than this. I suppose I can tell Naruto about why I punched the Uchiha, Gaara logically thinks to himself. "Well, we accidentally bumped shoulders and that got him started. I gave him a glare and he told me to quit that job and get a new one away from him. I told him no because I needed the money. He said he did, too, unless I wanted him to live at… your house forever," he began, pausing where Sasuke had used the word 'boyfriend'. Talk about your blunt speeches. He was giving only the bare facts, as if he were being questioned by the police. "Then I showed something that made him think I didn't like to hear such a thing, which lead him to taunting me. He tried to make me jealous that he lived with you and I didn't. I don't know, maybe it worked, but something in me snapped and I popped him one in the jaw. He was about to hit me back (tch, as if he could) when the manager interrupted. And we were fired. End of story."

It's rare you hear Gaara say so much in one session, and for a moment Naruto was lost in the other teen's voice rather than hearing what he had to say. Which is an easy feat to do; when Gaara does speak, it's the most addicting sound you'll ever hear, lacking in emotion but making up for it in quality. Naruto bet that besides being a great actor, Gaara could out-sing a professional. Out of nowhere, the urge to hear the redhead sing took over Naruto, and he nearly asked for his friend to do so. He shakes his head instead to rid himself of those thoughts and to get back on track. "Wow. That's quite the story, Gaara. But, hey, how'd you get jealous? Living with me ain't all that great, and teme and I keep our distance half the time."

The redhead folds his arms over his chest, a brow muscle lifting. "'Teme'? Why are you calling him a bastard in Japanese?"

"So you know that one?" Naruto grins. He shrugs, smile still in place. "I mean it in the nice way; like a nickname friends give each other, you know? He calls me 'dobe', which is kind of mean since I'm not stupid, but whatever."

Gaara tilts his head, which would be very cute if his eyes weren't so intense and his arms were still crossed over his chest. Which, Naruto sees now, is covered in a tight-fitting maroon shirt with a black lightning-bolt/crack pattern scrolling down one side. The color complimented his hair and black-rimmed blue-green eyes, and for a minute Naruto is smiling for a whole knew reason. Until Gaara speaks. "Then, would you say our Faceless-and-Nameless aliases are our nicknames in our friendship?" Since you seemed to use it that way when we parted at Starbucks last Sunday, he adds mentally.

Naruto falters for just a minute. Then he's smiling warmly, his blue eyes tender in a playful way that made Gaara's heart skip a beat. "Exactly like that. Although our nicknames weren't made out of rivalry like Sasuke's and mine."

An expression unreadable but pleasant flashed across Gaara's face at that remark. Naruto wished he would have made the change back to impassive a little slow so that he could catch what expression Gaara had made. Whatever it had been, he liked it, and now it was gone.

"Thanks for stopping by, Naruto. You helped me with my father's death. But it's getting late; you should go."

Hazily, the blonde nods, standing up and heading for the door. While he slipped on his shoes (he had taken them off on entry), he murmured, "Bye, Gaara. See you in school. And don't be surprised if, like my phone calls, I randomly stop by." As the door opened he smiled politely. "And you know, I can help you find a new job. This time one where Sasuke would never work."

"I'm fine on my own. Goodbye."

"Okay. Bye!" And the door shut behind the blonde with a rush of air.

Oddly, this visit had gone from a means of comfort for a grief that was not there and into the seeking of hidden meaning between them through confessions of dreams, jealousy, and nicknames. It was strange, like reaching for what you can't get to, which Naruto thinks is Gaara's heart. He said he's want to slowly get deeper into it, which at the moment looked possible because he felt a tad closer to his earthquake, and yet… he felt farther away, as though Gaara were giving him a centimeter into his heart but stepping back a mile physically. Why is that? Why, when Naruto begins to think he could really crush on the redhead like he somewhat had with the faceless 'Resshin', Gaara gave of the impression of wanting not to get too wrapped up in things? Was he… was he afraid of close relationships? That would make a lot of sense. But how did he get that way? Did something happen in his past – with his father or someone else – to make Gaara that way?

Suddenly that was Naruto's new goal: get Gaara to spill his secrets.

The Uzumaki boy was determined to work his way into Gaara's heart far enough to earn a glimpse of his skeleton closet. Then, maybe, Naruto could show Gaara his own.

In the meantime, Gaara backed up against the front door, his hands against the cool wood and his head leaning back as he closed his eyes and panted through his nose. Talking with Naruto one-on-one, having him in his home… it made his stomach uneasy in ways he wasn't used to.

And oh, there was yet that heavy feeling pressing against his chest about his father. Now that the sunny blonde had left, the feeling returned, along with the numbness. The words 'detrimental benefit' popped up in his head, and he realized how true it was: a very detrimental thing to be rendered with no parents, his only one left – no matter how much he disliked the things he's done – gone like Wednesday's trash, which made you feel a bit empty somewhere deep down inside. A detriment, the loss of a semi-loved one. And yet… beneficial, because Gaara could never forgive his father and was glad someone like him was rid from the world, what with his violent ways and drinking problems and bipolar-like mood swings from his somewhat recent alcohol addiction. So, altogether, the death of the eldest Sabaku was a detrimental benefit.

Gaara shook his head, suddenly really needing coffee. And music. So, he flipped on his stereo and set the kettle on the stove, ready to search the Konoha News want ads for a new job. In addition he waited for that dreaded phone call he knew would come from either Kankurou or Temari saying they were on their way to stay with him for a while and arrange the funeral. You can chorus the f-word paired with a '-ing great', now.

o0o0o0o0o

Naruto didn't come home until after sunset, and you could say that fact 'put Sasuke's panties in a bunch'. Not Kyuubi's, though; he was more than fine with it. "Have fun, son? Where'd you go, anyway? And how'd you get there? You didn't take the car or have anyone drive you, and I know your bike's messed up…"

"I walked. And, uh…" The blonde hesitates, since Sasuke was staring with narrowed eyes directly at him. "I went out for ice cream. And brought one to Gaara to, you know, lift his spirits. His dad died."

Kyuubi fell silent. "Oh. Jeez…" He raked both his hands through his hair and flashed his brown-red eyes to Naruto as his arms dropped to his sides with a clap. "I went to school with the Sabaku brothers; one of them was my best friend, actually. Shukaku. Sucks to hear his younger brother died… I wonder how he's taking it. They were pretty close for a couple of competitive siblings."

The blonde looked to his friend at the word 'competitive'; somehow, it was one of many words that described and reminded him of Sasuke. Shaking his head, Naruto murmured: "I dunno about the rest of his family, but Gaara was taking it well. He and his dad didn't see eye-to-eye, if you get my meaning."

Kyuubi snorted. "Why am I not surprised? He was never someone easy to get along with, and I heard some odd years ago he picked up drinking. Not the best father figure to have, I'd think. At least your pal is taking it alright." He then turns back to making dinner, which Naruto notices is spaghetti or some other pasta dish.

"Heaven forbid Gaara Sabaku cries," Sasuke mumbles grumpily, laying the sarcasm on thick. "And what's his room look like, Naruto? Was it to your liking?"

The two questions Sasuke shot at him were heavily coated in vicious, odious-based sexual innuendo. Naruto frowned at this, his mouth going into a scowl. He was about to yell, 'what the hell is that supposed to mean?!' or 'I didn't even go in his room!', but Kyuubi stopped him. The fox-like man stared down coldly at the Uchiha. A cruel, toothy grin reaches his features and in a means of being protective of his nephew and a smart-ass, Kyuubi retorts: "At least he's seen one more bedroom than you have."

Which probably wasn't true, since Naruto was a virgin and proudly so; sure, he was terribly perverted at times, there was no denying that… but he was no sex fiend. Sasuke, on the other hand, he couldn't be too sure. Lord only knows if he's a virgin to date. Everyone knows Neji isn't. Kiba's questionable, too. (Kankurou definitely isn't, and Temari says she's not a virgin when in fact she is.)

Sasuke's expression hardens even more if possible, and he violently leaves the kitchen with a final kick to a chair. There was stomping down stairs and slamming of a door, signifying that the Uchiha has left the building. For now, it was good riddance.

A genuine smile of victory is on Kyuubi's face now, and he shakes his head while giving Naruto a pat on the shoulder. "That kid has real anger issues, doesn't he? It's like the lone emotion he has besides 'monotone'." At the word his face deadpans with his voice, mimicking the way Sasuke acts when he's in public or shutting things away.

Naruto laughs airily and scratches at his whisker-like scars, nervously wondering what dastardly deeds were forming in the raven-haired boy's mind at this very minute. Sasuke, as good of a friend he can be, can also get very sour and vengeful. He was probably plotting his revenge on Kyuubi right now. Naruto shuddered at the thought of that he might do.

o0o0o0o0o

Kankurou was the first to show up. Two days following Temari's call and Naruto's ice cream, Gaara had his old duplex mate back, as well as his pre-drinking brother. Apparently, he was off alcohol for good, and wasn't even going to pick up smoking. In a dull sense, Gaara was proud of his older brother. True, it was out of fear and guilt that he was coming to his senses and being responsible, but at least he was trying.

"Temari said she'd be here tomorrow," the brunette says as he paces the living room, the TV on though neglected, and his fingernails currently being chewed to nothing.

"Kankurou," Gaara says flatly, his voice low and meaningful. It was a warning, a tone of voice that with anyone else would say, 'sit the fuck down, you're making me nervous'. In the redhead's case, it was saying, 'kindly seat your nervous ass unless you want me to kick it'.

Kankurou sighed and heeded the warning, his bottom meeting couch and feet meeting ottoman. "I can't believe he's gone…" he whispers, and Gaara comes to sit beside him, a bold action he normally wouldn't make. Kankurou doesn't notice, merely reclines his head and closes his eyes. One meaty hand comes up to cover brown eyes and rub a wrinkles forehead. "I mean, heh, he just always seemed to be there… a phantom out of our lived physically but haunting us in our memories, always an ax waiting to fall. Dad was kind of an ass, even if he wasn't always that way. He meant well when we were little… I dunno, I guess I'm not really that sad that he's dead. Really, I think I'm dreading the funeral because that means seeing him again. That, and, funerals suck. Fucking liver failure from all his alcohol poisoning; no surprise there. Tch."

The youngest Sabaku boy simply watches his brother, his arms over his chest and his eyes unblinking, his face wiped clean of any emotion whatsoever. Perfectly nonchalant, the perfect observer, and a good person to have around after someone's death.

Gaara notices that Kankurou was wearing his favorite hat, a black beanie cap that was made by Temari when she was 10 and messing around with yarn. It almost looked like it had black cat ears the way she pointed the top, and would be cuter if Kankurou were younger again. He starts yanking it off, ruffling the brown hair underneath. "What a week," the middle child remarks faintly.

"I agree," Gaara says, the very first words since Kankurou arrived.

The other peers over at the redhead, a confused look of sorts on his face, as if he never heard Gaara's voice before and mistook him for someone else. The look disappears and he forces a smile. "Now how about dinner?"