"Ooff!" The sound is involuntary as he flips me onto another mat. My body aches all over but there's no way I'm going to quit right now.
"Watch your surroundings." Barton tells me, stretching. He's barely broken a sweat. I roll onto my front and struggle to push myself up so I'm on my knees. "Are you done?" He asks, lowering his chin and raising his eyebrows.
"No."
"Good. Because if you were, you'd be dead."
"I wouldn't be already?" I scoffed.
He shrugged. "Maybe a little."
I sigh, rubbing my arms. "How do you all put up with doing all this?"
"Why are you doing it now?" He's looks at me carefully, knowingly.
Thinking of Steve, I stand up and stretch with a grunt. "Bring it."
He takes a swing at me and I dodge it. "You know, I think this is the longest conversation we've had." I gasp just avoiding the impact.
"Possibly. You weren't exactly chatty when you were with Loki."
I was about to throw a punch, this throws me off and I stumble, he trips me expertly. "What?" I snap, getting back up.
"Loki, you know, greasy black hair, likes green, ego the size of a planet?" He answered a little sarcastically.
"You remember being with him?" I narrow my eyes.
"Sure I do. That's the thing about possession, you're aware of it. Hell, I bet you could tell some stories."
I shake my head. "I don't remember anything about him."
"Forgive me if I don't believe you." He scoffed. "I've been controlled by him, I know what it's like first hand, it's why I'm here training you instead of kicking ass out there with Nat." In explanation, he raises his hands to air quote. "Rest period."
"Tell me about him."
"Why should I?" He walked over to the side and grabbed a water bottle, opening it slowly. "You were there."
"But I really don't remember it." I walked over to him as he drank. "Honestly, I don't."
He watches me for a moment, sizing me up. "Say I believe you," He took another swig, "tell me why I should tell you anything."
I hesitate. "Because I need to know what I did; if I did anything. I need to know how bad things were that you hate me so much."
He stares at me a while longer then shrugs going back to the mat. I stand waiting for an answer that doesn't come. Instead he glares at me from the mat. "Are you coming back to finish what you started?"
Everything hurts, but I don't regret a single moment of it. I flex gingerly, avoiding any movement I know will hurt too much. I tried to go see Fury again but he was gone by the time I got to his room. Barton has gone to meet some doctor. Lopez and Dean are nowhere nearby and I don't fancy searching the area for them in case I get lost.
I opt for returning to the office/room I had been in when they brought me in. I'm sat under the desk again. It feels cosier. Less open, less vulnerable as a position. I think it's night-time, of course, I have no idea though since we're underground and there's no windows. I probably only think it's night-time because it was when Hawkeye came to get me. With all the exercise I've just put myself through; I know I should probably sleep. But that's the last thing I want to do.
Loki will be mad I'm trying to avoid him. I don't care. All I want now is to know Steve's okay. Whatever comfort Loki had been giving me, it had to be a lie. It just had to be. I curl and uncurl my fingers tentatively; punching had definitely hurt more than I thought it would. I felt guilty. Nothing had happened between me and Loki, but there was a connection that I didn't care to admit to. There was no way Steve would let that slide if he found out, how could he? I leant my head back against the wood. Was it something I could let slide? Loki had to be manipulating me for his own advantage, it was in his nature, but yet, I felt a yearning to talk to him. Dare I say it, I missed him.
With a groan, I lean my head back against the wood and close my eyes. How could I miss him? He was a monster. He had taken my memories so I didn't even know if I was a monster too. What did that make me? What did that make my relationship with Steve?
I try to fight the sleep I can feel coming on but it doesn't take long for me to drift off. Finding myself back in the Asgardian palace feels like defeat.
A cool hand takes my arm gently, I turn expecting Loki, Odin's face flashes me a smile, I note the other Asgardians behind him glancing at me with curiosity. "You must be lost, my dear." Loki tells me in Odin's voice. He waves over a guard to escort me. "Take this girl to the courtyard, perhaps some fresh air will help."
I let the guard take my arm and lead me away from the golden room. Everything is golden here. It's so gaudy. He leads me through an arched and open corridor and releases me once we reach a courtyard. Once he exits, I sit down and sigh. Back again.
It's a good thing Loki transformed that dress for my dream self to wear, clearly he was right about others being able to see me. But that made no sense. Surely it was his mind I was connected to? I glance about the courtyard, there are plenty of flowers, and while its not entirely golden, there is a yellowish tinge to the warm stones that pave the area. I reach to touch one of the flowers when Odin's voice makes me hesitate. I listen, frozen to my seat as he says goodbye to the others and their chatter dying down. Then came the sound of his boots as he came to me.
"I believe I made the right choice." He said, sitting by me. He lowered his voice "About the dress."
"Looks like." I watch lazily as two guards saunter past us through the corridor. Loki glances over Odin's shoulder. He turns back to face me.
"So… Did I just appear or something?" I ask slowly. "And everyone saw me? I didn't think that was possible."
"I was not sure, I thought the dress was a wise precaution. Whatever is binding us, it's getting stronger."
I don't reply. There's a pause between us and then he sighs. "You're acting more formal than usual."
"You still look like your dad." I reply coolly.
"Regardless," He looks at me puzzled through Odin's one good eye, "Something is troubling you."
"I'm fine."
"You didn't want to come." He presses.
"No."
"Why not?"
I glare at him. "Why do you think?" I shake my head. "Lo-" I remember his disguise. "I have bigger problems right now. Awake. In my real life."
Odin frowned at me. "This is your real life. Whether you admit it or not."
"I don't belong here."
He grabbed my hand suddenly, his cold fingers grasped tightly around my hand. "You belong with me."
I pull my hand away roughly. "No. I don't."
"You used to tell me I was your world."
"I don't remember that." I hiss.
"Jessica, I still love you."
There was something laughable about hearing that from Odin's lips. I knew Loki had said it but something didn't quite ring true for me. Though, there was a slight ache, as if my heart was taking on the headaches I had had while reading about him. "It's time to wake up." I tell him.
"Stay, please."
"I was trying to stay awake, Loki, I was trying to stay away from you." I can see the hurt in his eyes. "I love someone else."
"No, you don't."
"I'm thankful for what you did for me. I really am. But I can't keep dreaming like this. Its not fair to either of us."
"I don't think you have a choice." He growled.
"No? I can choose not to acknowledge you." I sigh. "Maybe I'll try exploring Asgard or something."
"Jessica, please." There was almost desperation in his voice.
I softly cup his wrinkled face. "Goodbye Loki."