Chapter Twenty One

Ichigo woke barely twenty minutes later, not bothering to open his eyes and instead enjoying the languid feel that had spread over his body during sleep. His shoulder stung a little and sweat and cum had gotten into a few reopened cuts on his chest and belly, but a small smile still tugged his lips. From the moment they had started kissing everything had felt right again and as much as a part of him still hated to admit it, he loved kissing Grimmjow. He loved touching him and feeling him touch him in return. He loved the feeling of being filled up to the point of bursting and then exploding into a million pieces as soon as he moved within him. He loved everything about it.

He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, blinking at the darkness as his mind slowly recalled what had happened that evening. He frowned a little when something tickled his brain. Grimmjow had done something. Something… strange. But what was it? He pushed himself out of the bed and padded to the bathroom, intent on taking a shower before he resumed studying for Friday's test and still trying to remember what Grimmjow had done that was so strange, when he heard voices from the living room. Curious he walked closer to the door to listen.

"Just get rid of him. It ain't like he's anything to ya, right? Just a cute little fuck toy. Ya said so yerself. Get rid of him and ya won't hafta worry 'bout this stupid…."

"I'm not getting rid of him, Nnoi so just fuckin' drop it. It doesn't matter what I feel or don't feel, even if I send him away he's still a target because of me."

"Yer fuckin' protectin' him and it's fuckin' sick! The Grimm I know doesn't have this fucked up need to protect his toys like that. The Grimm I know doesn't blow off responsibilities for a toy. Ya just ain't bored yet? That the problem? Yer goin' fuckin' soft on me man. Ya got fuckin' priorities. What's more important, yer family or yer bitch toy?"

There was a pause and Ichigo's gut clenched as he waited for Grimmjow's reply. "My family of course." It was soft but still clear.

"So go find yer balls then!"

"This right here has nothing to do with him. I have a business reputation I need to keep too. I don't have the luxury of acting like you do anymore."

"Tch. More fuckin' excuses. Ya changed too much while I was locked up. Turned inta a soft little suit. No way in fuckin' hell I'd ever be a kyodai if it means turnin' it ta what you are now."

There was a moment of silence before anything else was said.

"It will all be over soon anyway and we can all go back to our lives then. Just do your job and I'll do mine."

"Tch."

The sound of rustling cloth was heard followed by the door slamming and Ichigo backed away from the bedroom door. He was being protected? Well he already knew that but he hadn't realized it was to the extent that Nnoitra had said. Were things really that bad? Was he really just in the way? All thoughts of their earlier encounter were wiped clean from Ichigo's head as he slipped silently into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. He didn't want Grimmjow to know he had overheard anything. He had a feeling those words were never meant to be heard by him as it was.

Ichigo sighed and leaned back in the hard plastic chair in the cafeteria. He was pretty sure he had passed his test and his last class of the day had been cancelled again because his professor was home enjoying his bright, shiny, happy new family. Ichigo wasn't in the mood to be happy for them. After he had gotten out of the shower the night before Grimmjow had been distant. He sat behind his desk near the window and typed away on his laptop giving Ichigo more than enough time to study if only his mind hadn't been on other things. Should he leave? Was him being near Grimmjow messing his life up enough to where he was changing into another person like Nnoitra had said? Or had the change in Grimmjow already happened before he had shown up? There was no doubt now in his mind that Grimmjow was part of the yakuza, what with terms like 'family' and 'kyodai' being tossed around like they had, but that surprisingly didn't bother him. What bothered him most was being in the way. What if him being in the way got Grimmjow in trouble with his 'family' or worse yet, killed. He tried to shake off the feeling that had him short of breath and on the verge of vomiting and scowled at the table and his untouched food. He sounded like a girl. He sounded like he was in lo….

"Ichi!"

Ichigo's head shot up as Shinji plopped in the chair next to his, a huge smile on his face.

"Ya looked miles away." He commented as he crossed his legs and picked at Ichigo's food. "And yer not eatin'." His smiled faded. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Was it him? Did he do something?"

"No, and keep your voice down please." Ichigo hissed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Shinji frowned at him for a moment before coming to a decision and standing, grabbing Ichigo by his hand and dragging him out of his seat.

"What the…?"

"Yer comin' with me." Shinji said, his tone holding no small hint of finality.

Ichigo sighed and let Shinji drag him along, arguing at this point was pointless and he couldn't focus enough to fight back well enough to win anyway. Before he realized it they were at the front of the university and through the gates, Shawlong staring after them as they continued on down the sidewalk away from him.

"Mr. Kurosaki." He raised his voice to the retreating young men.

"Ichigo has a life ya know. And it doesn't constantly revolve around him." Shinji practically spat out before he continued on with Ichigo in tow. Ichigo sighed. He was going to pay for this later, he just knew it.

By the time they got to Shinji's apartment Ichigo was tired and wanted to go to sleep. All that intense thinking coupled with the sudden rush of emotions had given him a headache. The silence on the way to Shinji's place had given his brain enough time to complete the thought that had been interrupted earlier and he come to a few conclusions. He was in love with Grimmjow. It was stupid, really, to love someone like him but there was no way he could deny it anymore. He loved the jerk and wanted to be with him, but at the same time he knew he couldn't do it anymore. He was in the way, causing problems for Grimmjow when he had enough to deal with as it was. Besides, Nnoitra had pointed out one glaring detail that couldn't be ignored. Ichigo was Grimmjow's toy; a sexual plaything that was paid for his time with him. As much as Ichigo loved his time with Grimmjow, after his startling revelation in regards to his feelings he just couldn't be that for Grimmjow. He didn't want to be Grimmjow's whore, love or not.

"Ichi?" Shinji asked, bringing Ichigo back to himself and he looked up at find a can of beer in front of his face.

"So what's up?"

Ichigo shrugged and opened his beer, drinking half of it in one gulp. He didn't want to talk about it yet. It was all so fresh still, so scary and new and… intense. Another gulp and his beer was gone.

"Hey Shin? You got another? If not I'll buy."

Shinji frowned but got up to get Ichigo another beer. Maybe if he got him drunk he'd talk about what was wrong. Whatever it was, it was big.

"Hey boss, uh, I don't know how to tell you this but…." Shawlong started, his tone uneasy.

"Just. Spit. It. Out." Grimmjow growled. He wasn't in the mood for bad news today, things were already bad enough.

"The kid took off with the blond and they are back at his place right now." Grimmjow pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "You want me to go get him?"

"How long have they been in there?"

"Not long, maybe fifteen minutes."

"Check the area and wait for him. If he's not out by the time I get off work, get him."

Grimmjow hung up and picked up his coffee mug, looking at the light green bamboo shoots decorating the outside and the last swallow on the inside. He swirled it a few times before chucking it across the room, watching it smash and break into several large pieces, the cold coffee splattering and staining the wall. He was a stupid fucking moron. It was obvious that Ichigo hadn't heard him last night. Obvious that he didn't feel the same way. He had been stupid to think otherwise. He was there for the money; it was the only explanation for why he had put up with so much until then. Grimmjow sneered out his window, his work all but forgotten, and wondered why those thoughts pissed him off so much. Because you love him. A tiny voice in his head spoke and he shook his head.

"No."

He still didn't believe it. It pissed him of because the kid was his. Hadn't they established that already? Ichigo belonged to him, it had nothing to do with love. The thought left a nasty taste in his mouth and he used the intercom to buzz his secretary.

"Yes, Mr. Jaegerjaques?"

"Bring me another coffee. And another cup."

"I think I should stop… you know… with Grimmjow." Ichigo stuttered, twelve beer cans scattered on the floor near where he was sitting.

Shinji's eyebrows shot up behind his bangs at the words and the new beer that was popped open and chugged.

"Uh, Ichi, I think you should stop drinkin' now." It hadn't been the first time he had said that, far from it. He had started saying that six beers ago.

"Yeah." Ichigo nodded, finishing off his thirteenth beer and reaching for another, thankfully the last one. "I just…."

Shinji waited for him to continue but nothing happened. Ichigo brought his knees up to his chest and leaned his head on them, groaning slightly. Shinji rubbed his back and took the still full beer from him. Never one to waste things but not wanting to have it available for Ichigo he drank it himself as quickly as he could and hoped he would get drunk from it. He had wanted Ichigo to open up a bit about what was on his mind but he hadn't expected it to take so long; or so many beers. And he still hadn't even really said anything yet.

"Ichi, what happened?" Shinji prodded. Maybe he would feel better if he got it out.

"I overheard th'm talkin' 'bout me. 'Said I was… like… in tha way."

"Who said that?"

"Nnoi-tra 'n' Grimm. 'Said he should get rid 'a me. Fam'ly's more 'portant an' shit. Ahhh…." Ichigo leaned back and covered his face with his hands. "I don' know wha' ta do, Shin."

"First off that gigantic freak is an asshole and ya shouldn't listen to anythin' he says. Second off, ain't it up to you and him to decide if ya stick around er not? I mean, not that I agree er nuthin' but, Ichi do ya really need him anymore?"

Ichigo shrugged. That question was too hard to answer. Even drunk a large part of him screamed "YES!" while another, though smaller, part said "Get out while you still can." He sighed and looked up at Shinji, his form blurred at the edges.

"It's… I just… why can't…." He sighed again as his thoughts jumbled and gave up, returning his head to his knees.

Shinji rubbed his back gently and chewed his lips. He didn't know what kind of advice would be good in this situation. Of course he wanted to tell Ichigo to get the hell out of there, to never see that blue haired asshole again, but he knew that wasn't his decision. If it had been Ichigo wouldn't have gone to that guy in the first place. Ichigo sighed and stood up slowly, weaving a bit before righting himself.

"Where ya goin'?" Shinji asked, concerned at the sudden determined look on his friends face.

"To puke. Then I gotta go back. He prob'ly already knows I'm here an' is pissed."

Shinji frowned as Ichigo left the room and began to gather the discarded beer cans. He stared to get concerned when Ichigo had been in the bathroom for over fifteen minutes and was about to go check on him when the door opened and a slightly green looking Ichigo emerged and handed Shinji a two thousand yen note.

"I hope you don't have any strange mouth thing." He commented and shoved the note in Shinji's pocket when it wasn't readily taken. "That's for a new toothbrush."

Ichigo reached for his jacket and struggled into it, grabbing his bag and staring at the door for a moment before turning around.

"You gonna be around tonight?" He asked, all the sudden very serious.

Shinji nodded. "Are ya gonna be okay, Ichi?"

Ichigo gave him his best fake smile. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks for the beer, Shin. That was nice." He opened the door and waved at him before closing it and descending the stairs.

Shinji peeked out the window to make sure Ichigo didn't fall down the stairs and his frown grew when he saw the man and car on the street corner. Had that idiot waited for him all this time? Ichigo looked up at Shawlong and scowled. Shawlong said nothing and opened the back door, waiting for Ichigo to step inside before shutting it and returning to the driver's side. He pulled out his phone and punched a few numbers before putting it to his ear, saying a few words and hanging up. Shinji watched the car drive away and hoped Ichigo was going to be okay. Whatever was going on he had a feeling it was more complicated than what he had kind of told him.

Grimmjow was waiting for him when he opened the door, clearly angry. He didn't wait for Ichigo to make any excuses before speaking.

"Didn't I tell you to came back here after you get outta class?"

"I wanted to hang out with my friend." Ichigo replied, not meeting his eyes.

Grimmjow glared at the response. "I don't care, we've been over this before…."

"Shinji is my friend, my best friend, has been since I was five years old and no amount of you telling me I can't do things is gonna make me stop being his friend."

Grimmjow grit his teeth and crossed his arms. "Yer mine…."

"I'm not yours. I'm my own."

"You belong to me, I pay…."

Ichigo laughed and shook his head, walking to the bedroom with a lump in his throat and his eyes burning. He was right, he meant nothing but a good time to Grimmjow and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He grabbed his bag and dropped his dirty clothes inside before walking to the bathroom to get his few things in there.

"What the fuck'er you doin'?"

"I'm gonna go stay with Shinji. I'm just in the way here. Besides, with me gone you'll save a ton of money, won't you?"

"Oh for the…, quit being a fuckin' girl and stop it." Grimmjow felt his stomach muscles tighten at the sight of the open luggage bag.

"I'm not being a girl, I'm being helpful. Besides, Yuzu is getting better. She'll be home soon so it's okay to quit this a bit early."

Grimmjow grabbed the front of his shirt and pushed him against the bathroom door. "What the hell are you sayin'?"

"I don't need your money anymore so there is no reason for me to stay here." The words stabbed through his chest as he spoke them and he had to stop himself from wincing.

Grimmjow just stared at him, his eyes narrowed and his fist tightening. Ichigo tried to push him away gently but found he wouldn't budge.

"You aren't goin' anywhere. Yer stayin' right here with me in this house."

Ichigo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No, this couldn't be easy. He couldn't just agree that it was for the best and let him go. He swallowed over the lump that had been growing larger and opened his eyes, focusing his resolve.

"Get this through that thick head of yours. We used each other. You used me for sex, I used you for money. I don't need the fucking money anymore so it's over."

Grimmjow snarled and slammed him into the wall. "I'm not done…."

"WELL I AM!"

Ichigo shoved Grimmjow away with all his might and returned to the bedroom, dropping his toiletries in his bag and zipping it up, slinging it over his shoulder as he reached for his other bag. Without looking back he walked away as calmly as he could, expecting a hand to grab him at any moment. Everything that had come out of his mouth had hurt but what hurt most was that Grimmjow wasn't stopping him. Why wasn't he stopping him? Why wasn't he screaming at him and forcing him to stay? Why wasn't he punching or kicking or raping him into submission? He wanted to turn around, wanted to see why he was being allowed to leave seemingly without a fight, but his body wouldn't obey him. He shut the door behind him and walked down the hall in a daze. Grimmjow wasn't stopping him.

Waiting for the elevator felt like an eternity and by the time the doors opened his body was shaking with the repressed emotions. He passed Nnoitra in the lobby as if he didn't exist, the taller man cocking an eyebrow and asking something that didn't register. He didn't know how he got to Shinji's, wasn't even aware of knocking on the door or stepping inside. He barely registered Shinji's concerned look. He dropped his bags and sighed, the breath broken sounding, even to him. Looking up at Shinji he smiled and asked quietly if he could take a shower, unintentionally cutting him off in mid sentence.

Shinji frowned but nodded. "Yeah, go fer it."

Shinji watched Ichigo shuffle to the bathroom and bit his lip. He hadn't wanted to say anything but Ichigo had been crying, slow silent but constant tears. It didn't look like he had even been aware of them. He had never seen Ichigo like that, so lost, so obviously hurt, so… broken. He had wanted to reach out, to hold him and tell him everything would be alright, even though he didn't know exactly what had happened, but he knew Ichigo would refuse him. He liked to try and deal with things on his own or pretend they weren't a problem when they really were. Shinji ran a hand through his short blond hair and looked back at the bathroom door with a frown.

"Ichi." He whispered.

When Nnoitra opened the door his eye widened in surprise at the sight that met him. The living room was a disaster, paintings broken in half and laying in the middle of the floor, potted plants overturned, the pots broken to pieces and clumps of dirt scattered everywhere. The glass top of the coffee table was shattered and in the middle of the big screen TV was a spider web of cracks leading outward. Nnoitra frowned as he walked through the rest of the house. The kitchen seemed to have been untouched but one of the sliding glass doors was gone, the glass scattered across the floor around where it should have been. Grimmjow stood on the porch smoking a cigarette, his fist bleeding profusely.

"Uh, hey Grimm."

Grimmjow grunted as a reply.

"So the house exploded. Any idea how that happened?"

"I blew off some steam." Grimmjow muttered, taking a long pull from his cigarette before pulling another from an almost empty pack and offering one to Nnoitra with his bloody hand.

"Cuts look pretty deep." Nnoitra observed, taking the offered pack of smokes.

Grimmjow grunted again and looked at the back of his hand and the myriad of cuts along his knuckles. He had wanted to stop Ichigo, wanted so badly to pull him back and tell him he couldn't leave. Ever. But the look in his eyes had stopped him, for whatever reason he wasn't quite sure. He felt like an idiot, like an asshole for just standing there and watching him go, especially when every cell in his body was screaming at him. He had tried to reach out at first but found his limbs numb. When the door shut softly he stood in the bathroom doorway and stared at the floor, not able to move, thoughts racing a mile a minute. And then he had snapped. It had barely taken five minutes to destroy his own home but after he was finished, broken glass and pots everywhere, dirt and bits of leaves stuck in places they shouldn't have been able to get to, the cats hiding, presumably, under his bed, he took a deep breath and shoved the rest of it down inside him. There was a gaping hole in his chest and his stomach was queasy, on the constant edge of revolt, but he had to stop. He couldn't handle everything that was going on in his head; in his heart. It hurt too much.

"So the bitch was leavin' with a couple 'a bags…." Nnoitra prompted, more out of curiosity than anything.

"He left." Grimmjow said matter-of-factly.

Nnoitra snorted. "Yeah right."

Grimmjow turned his head, a small bit of blood spatter on his cheek giving him a sinister look. "He grabbed his shit and said he was out."

"Why'd he do that?" Nnoitra frowned. He wasn't the smartest man alive, but an idiot could see that Ichigo liked Grimmjow.

Grimmjow looked back out over the city and took another long drag from his cigarette. "He doesn't need my money anymore." He didn't know why he was telling Nnoitra this, but he couldn't make the words stop and didn't care enough to try harder.

"That's kinda fucked up."

Grimmjow snorted. "Yeah well, life's fucked up, but who cares, ne?" He looked over his shoulder at his ruined living room. "I need a drink"

Ichigo leaned his head against the tiny shower wall and closed his eyes. The water was scalding hot but he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything except the burning in his chest and the pain behind his eyes. He was an idiot. Why, why had he done that? It wasn't so bad being a whore to a guy you loved, was it? Sure it might be a little hard to come to terms with the fact that it was one sided, but it could have been worse. Right? He took a shaky breath and shook his head. His thoughts were so messed up he couldn't think straight. Didn't know if he had done the right thing or fucked himself but one thing was very clear to him at that moment. Love hurt and he never wanted to fall in it again. A small sob broke from him and he covered his mouth. He would not cry, damn it. He was a man and he would get through this without shedding tears. He squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his hand over his mouth tighter as another sob tried to break free. He would not cry! He sank to the bottom of the shower and brought his knees up to his chest, resting his eye sockets on top of them. It was no use. He was a giant sissy, but at least no one was there to see him like this. He kept his hand over his mouth and let the shame and sorrow wash over him as the water washed away his tears.

A/N Okay, I totally cried while I was writing this. I cried a few weeks back when I wrote the small amount of notes I had and again when i was making it into this chapter. Like a freakin' baby! I hate crying *sniffles* I really hope you all don't hate me now, but this had to be done, for various reasons. After such a lovey chapter this was hard to write. I would have loved to make Ichigo be all, "Aw, you love me." and Grimmjow all, "Yes, now let's make love." But... I couldn't. I'm sorry. Please don't flame me *puppy dog eyes* It's not like it's the end yet.

~Penny