The problem with Ryuzaki's plan was that the longer Light worked the more 'prostitute hours' he gained. So Light being the clever bastard that he was decided to drag out his investigations as long as physically possible. This meant that Naomi had to be trapped in a room with him, without cameras or L for over five hours at a time. (Light really went to town with dragging out the research process, twiddling his thumbs at an astonishing rate of one twiddle for every five minutes.)
The worst or possibly best part (she couldn't really decide) was that Mr. Snuggles didn't even attempt to seduce her. Mostly he just complained about being chained to L, dating Misa, his lack of sleep, and the fact that he thought everything he ate was drugged.
Clearly Light Yagami had the sex drive of a castrated rock.
Yet despite her growing sexual frustrations she agreed with him. It appeared they shared the problem of paranoia. She sort of knew before but it was nice to learn they had at least one thing in common, otherwise the whole stalking thing might have been too weird.
"Every time I eat a pastry I get this feeling that I won't remember the next several hours and that anything can happen." He said during the third hour, holding an éclair delicately between his fingers. Naomi attempted not to drool visibly.
Damn sexual frustration; Mr. Snuggles was doing it on purpose! He was such a bastard, you can't just stalk someone for several months sending them demeaning letters every day and then refuse to have sex with them!
"Oh I get that feeling all the time, every time a waiter looks at me too long I just know he's going to put poison or worse date-rape drugs in my soup." Naomi shuddered at the memories of her life during high school when her school had stressed 'Safety Awareness'. Lessons on date rape had nearly led her to murder on at least five separate occasions, everyone in the school quickly learned never to invite Naomi to a party.
"Yes, I get that feeling too. Except that when I get that feeling I also hear this voice in my head that says 'Kill!'"
Naomi paused wondering if that had ever popped into her head when she had been holding her cup of water at a party when that kid from Geometry started giving her that look. While she beat him unconscious she didn't remember actually wanting to kill him, just to give him the biggest hangover/neck injury of his life.
"Yeah, how bout that…"
"You know I always wonder just how I'm going to function in normal society after this experience, being chained to a man for months can't be good for my psyche."
Yes well murdering wasn't good for one's psyche either but Naomi wasn't going to say anything about that. She was too busy trying to figure out if there was ever a time Light Yagami could function in normal society. She could just see him now; a demonic five year old running around with scissors stabbing people in the back because he thought it was good for society.
"Who cares about functioning in normal society? Look at me I've never functioned in normal society and I'm perfectly fine." There was an awkward pause after that, she looked down at her borrowed khaki pants and back to Light Yagami, maybe fine was stressing it. But she hadn't asked for stalkers or detectives or Kira or anything, they kind of just came with the package that was labeled 'Screw You, from God.'
"Speaking of normal society, I'm coming to your wedding and I will ruin it."
How sweet, her stalker was willing to ruin her wedding for the sake of his own petty jealousy and god complex. If she didn't have this mental picture of Mr. Snuggles running through the aisle with scissors in hand, stabbing Raye in the back, and then running off again she might have found it flattering.
"That's nice. What made you decide this?"
"Well, I'm certainly not going to let any man have my cake and eat it too."
And with that Naomi ran out of comebacks and was left with the words 'Why was I stuck with this man alone in a room for several hours?' in her head.
It's not prostitution if you don't make any money
Author's Note: And with that everyone realizes this is another pointless filler chapter that wasn't quite as funny as the last chapter, because while it had Light running around with scissors it did not have L in fishnets. I rest my case. In other news review count is gaining momentum and I almost feel ashamed that a fic with bad sex puns has a review count of over 120. But I still love it. Thanks to readers and reviewers, more reviews would be nice let's keep climbing this mountain.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did I would be sure to appreciate how nice Light's collar bone is. Seriously. I would.