Chapter 21: 87,000 (Part 2)

So I'll just make believe that I'm alright

My false smile is the mask I hide behind

And I'll try not to let you too close to the front of my mind

But it's okay, it's just one of those days, I'll be alright

-Gabi Carillo

"Ms. Snow, is there a speech you prepared that we must upload to a prompter for you?" I shook my head lightly as Margarita applied a touch more of powder to my cheeks. "Are you sure? Both of your siblings spent weeks writing theirs. Surely you have something?"

"The president is my father. Do you honestly believe I don't have enough to say off the top of my head? Do you believe he is not loving enough for that?" The cameraman shrunk away as I took my seat, never flinching under the lights.

"Now, just a reminder. Unlike your siblings, your message will be played live in the party hall and throughout Panem while we record it in here. Your father is watching the party from his office and will join the party with you after we are done here. The rest of your family is already watching their clips and now yours. Any questions, Ms. Snow?" I shook my head, smiling at his unnecessary reminder after doing this for years. The shot director motioned for silence, calmly counting down on his fingers.

"Happy Holiday, Panem. Did you miss me?" I waited for the director's nod to continue as he factored in time for their shouts. "Happy birthday, papa! I guess I'll start by saying how much the holiday planners have outdone themselves this year. The festivities planned for tomorrow especially could rival even game events. Yet, you are worth it. Why, you even dressed me up so lovely for this evening, diamond snow flakes and all! It is your birthday, so why am I the one getting the presents? That's what you constantly do; you give to others as you give all your time to run this spectacular country. I could not be more proud to be your daughter. How else could I have such beautiful things?'

My gaze flickered past the camera lens and on to a small screen that showed the live video feed. I imagined the ballroom in this same building where Capitol elite were gathered, the other Capitol citizens clustering around screens all over the city and some still in their bathrooms preparing for these two nights of frivolity. Then I thought of the Districts, sitting on small and dusty couches watching all the fun in jealous rage, as they deserved. The Districts. Thresh was watching. Suddenly I could feel him through the camera and staring at the necklace I saw hanging on my pale white neck.

"Papa, you always call me your rose and I hope I live up to such love as the love you give me. This necklace," I brushed it with my fingers before wrapping my palm around the pendant. "The one you gave me for the games, means so much because it makes me think of you. Sometimes, I don't think you realize how much I love you, that you mean the world with me, and whatever tries to keep us apart, I can't live without you. I would risk anything for you, I promise." One of the cameramen began eying me strangely but the shot director shushed him. I was pushing it, but I had to try. "I'll never love anyone as much as I love you."

I let go of the necklace, unsure how to proceed anymore for Thresh without risking too much. "Papa, you are the best father in the world. Do you remember at the last Games when I was placing my bets and you thought I was wrong but you just said 'One day I'll learn to shut up because you are always right, my rose.' If you meant it, considering it's true, know that you mean the world to me and Panem wouldn't be the same without you. Whatever I ask for, whether it is a material object or intangible, you always provide for me. I know you try hard to balance family and the country, but it all pays off.

I realize that sometimes, I am wrong. That I make you upset and disappoint you. I know you expect the best of me, because you know I can be the best that this country could ask for and you only want to give me that chance. Your expectations come from a loving place and I only wish I could always meet them for you. In a few years, when I'm grown and ready to take the country by storm, I just want you to be able to look at me and say 'I raised that wonderful girl to be the woman she is today.' I wish I could give you all you've given me, but I don't have the money or pure heart you do. I can give you my love and obedience always and please know that's the best I have to give.

I'm thankful I get to look up to you, take advice from you alone. It's a privilege to watch your strength, kindness and be under your wing while learning the true lessons of life. I love you, papa. Happy birthday."

I didn't realize I was crying until the shot ended and Margarita rushed over to wipe the tears from my face. Each word had been true, from my very heart. Even the parts to Thresh, those we true in their own way. I was blessed for my father and he deserved to know it. "Good job." Margarita placed her hand on my shoulder and I realized tears had formed in her eyes as well. "Let's find your father. It's time the party really starts." I nodded, following her from the studio and towards his office.

He was waiting for me, a large smile on his face as he finished watching a replay of my speech he must have asked for. I didn't know if it was a private viewing, or the whole of Panem was watching it again on his order. I didn't care.

"My rose, my beautiful adoring rose." He grabbed my waist; lifting me a bit off my toes to twirl me, as though I were still a little girl. "You are much too kind to me." He held me close for a moment, his head resting on my own.

"You deserve it, papa. That was the whole point of my video feed." Papa laughed, kissing me on the forehead and squeezing my hand. I smelled the rose perfumed he wore to cover the stench of his genetic sores and smiled widely, enjoying the smell of my childhood love.

"I love you child, always remember that. You're my favorite child, no matter what." His eyes seemed slightly moist, but he didn't cry because he never could. "I have one question for you however. What in the world would tear us apart?"

I cringed, somewhat caught in my own trap. "Just a precaution papa, nothing more."

He looked at me curiously once more before grabbing a single rose from a vase on his desk. Quietly, he turned my head slightly and tucked the rose into the pinned up curls. "How quickly you grow, my rose. I can still perfectly remember the first time Margarita made a dress for you, that night I let you come to a party for the first time. It was a soft pink with white lace and a forest green sash. I never made a better decision then assigning her to you."

I laughed, feeling the rose with the tips of my fingers. "Imagine if you had given me Drina. I would look so strange in those outfits she makes for May."

He laughed, taking my arm as we walked from the office. "Margarita was always the more elegant of the two, and I thought she would better suit you."

"Why?"

"Because roses might bloom in May, but in December they the most elegant center piece one could ask for. You only like to stand out when you want to in the moment otherwise you try to blend in, whereas your sister likes to constantly outshine the world. Both are equally powerful, my rose."

I remained silent, just walking beside him and feeling his strong grip to hold me balanced. I couldn't help but wish it was Thresh's hand instead.

Two peacekeepers stood at the door to the party hall, straightening their stance as we approached. "Mr. President. Ms. Snow." They both nodded as they addressed us, reaching for the door handles.

"Remember what your grandmother's been teaching you. She told me tonight I should experience an entirely new daughter if you've listened."

"Please papa. Like I needed instruction on how to keep people hanging on my every word and how to make an entrance. I have listened to her droning on and it's nothing I didn't already know, just things I decided were foolish."

Papa shook his head lightly, a smile creeping onto his face. From behind the doors, I heard a herald announcing our arrival. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our beloved President, the leader of this free nation who we celebrate this evening. Accompanying him is one of our favorites as well, Miss. December Snow. I give you, President Snow!" A loud cheer erupted as the doors swung open and we entered, the cameras following our every motion down the center aisle.

I felt the waxy smile slid onto my face, only radiating happiness from within and burying everything else like a forgotten memory. Even though I could only think of Thresh when the cameras caught my eye, I buried him with the rest as he continued to claw through the dirt of hidden emotions.

"Ms. Snow, may I have a dance?" My father released my arm before handing me off to Broderson and disappearing in a mass of admirers vying for attention.

"Do I have a choice, Darren?"

"Of course not. I have appearances to keep up and having you enjoy my presence is one of them." I allowed my fake smile to be replaced by a real one for a moment, before remembering what his false appearances lead others to believe.

"Excited to leave for 67 later this week?"

"With you, no. In general, yes."

"You're a hard shell, December Everett Snow."

"And you are the world's harshest critic, Darren Blake Broderson." He laughed once more, twirling me along with the music, tightening his grip every beat. He pulled me in close, my heart racing next to deep breathing as I pictured my district boy standing in his place.

"You alright, Snow? You seem distant." Darren stopped all motion, releasing me from the bondage of dance.

And as I simply breathed and remembered the scent of candles in that small shed, I replied with "Never better."

Hope you enjoyed! Please please review!