21- Occlumency with Snuffles

The first day of September brought a change of weather; for the first time in weeks it was raining. It seemed to be the harbinger of a rough autumn as the political situation was also becoming increasingly unpleasant each day, and yet the wizarding community didn't oppose to the new regime. Of course, the change had been a smooth and silent one. Scrimgeour had retired and been replaced by Pius Thicknesse as Minister for Magic- with a puppet so perfectly behaving under the Imperius Charm people might whisper but never speak out loud that Voldemort was behind all that. I guessed the Dark Lord thought it more convenient to reside in Malfoy Mansion instead of sitting behind his desk at the Ministry, bothering himself with politics. If he had declared himself it might have caused rebellion but by remaining masked he has created an atmosphere of confusion, uncertainty and fear.

New laws were on every day's agenda now, ploughing the course for the supremacy of pure-blood wizards and witches. Severus had been right about the Muggle Registration Committee and I was glad that Sam was safely on the other side of the world because all Muggle-borns had to register and give proof of their wizarding background. His name appeared on a list in the DailyProphet- which I read regularly now although it was naturally biased as Voldemort's cronies had taken it over, too- of people who had failed to register yet, along with Hermione Granger and Ted Tonks. They were wanted for interrogation. Harry Potter was also a wanted man. It was a clever move of Voldemort to put a prize upon his head and claim he was wanted for questioning about the death of Albus Dumbledore because he could sow doubt in those who believed Potter was the Golden Boy, the hero of the Wizarding World. It was a hard fall from a celebrity to Undesirable No. 1. Perhaps Voldemort thought he could catch him by making it mandatory for every young wizard or witch to attend to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which had never been obligatory before. Needless to say that this decree wouldn't stop Harry from following the quest that Dumbledore had send him on. He was to find and destroy the Horcruxes.

On the first of September the DailyProphet greeted me with a headline that read, SEVERUS SNAPE CONFIRMED AS HOGWARTS HEADMASTER, just in time for the new term. I wondered why they had announced that so late when he had already known of his new position weeks ago, but I came to the conclusion it was because of his reputation. Only two months ago he had been the most wanted man of the wizarding world for murdering Dumbledore, and there had been doubt to sow about that by questioning Harry's word, thus making him the scapegoat.

I looked at his picture and smiled. Knowing Severus he would have loved to have made it to the headlines although I doubted he was celebrating this event in particular. To him the return to Hogwarts would mean having to face his old colleagues- McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, Sprout- who hated him because he had allegedly betrayed Dumbledore's trust in him, while all the same having to deal with the new members of the stuff, Alecto and Amycus Carrow, two of his fellow Death Eaters. It was going to be a damned hard year for him unless we'd find out more about the Horcruxes and how to destroy them in order to end Voldemort's regime of terror as soon as possible. But that was unlikely since he had made no use of the two-way mirrors yet and I feared he would stand to his stubborn decision to accomplish his task all on his own. It would break him; that was for sure.

Sirius worried more about his relatives; ever since he had met his favourite cousin, Andromeda Tonks, again he visited her regularly. She was scared these days because her husband refused to register at the Muggle Registration Committee on principle and had chosen to go into hiding instead. He had sent her a note once, saying he was roaming the countryside.

As days turned into weeks of his absence, she was found more often at Lupin's shabby, little cottage, busying herself with knitting rompers for her first grandchild and making the place more cosy than either Remus or Tonks had ever managed.

On the second day of September Sirius went to visit Harry at Grimmauld Place but found the house deserted; it even looked as if Death Eaters had been there, searching the place. He immediately called the boy on his mobile phone and though he was glad to hear his voice, to hear he was still safe and sound, the phone call wasn't as satisfying as he had hoped. So we both ended up frustrated, trying to make it up in bed. That worked perfectly fine.

During the following weeks things improved although Harry didn't call to fill in Sirius on what he was doing or where he was (which could lead to an occasional drop of mood betimes). We spent many days at The Burrow, trying to fix the mess his old motorcycle had become, with the doubtful help of Arthur Weasley. The patriarch of the Weasley clan definitely had a curious weakness for Muggle technology but no clue about it at all. He actually thought he could repair the beautiful complexity of a V-motor with a simple twist of his wand!

I shook my head and rolled my eyes heavenwards- despite what the new regime said or taught about Muggles, you had to give them credit for their imaginative technology which I often preferred to simply casting a spell. I loved their music; I loved their fashion, and I definitely loved the roaring sound of a V-motor under my ass while riding along the highway; no broom could match that.

I also loved the excited expectation on Sirius' face when the mess of broken pieces began to resemble more and more his beloved motorbike although we were still merely reconstructing the frame; the hard work was yet to come. Arthur was absolutely thrilled about my skills but hesitated to mention that to his wife. We were working in secrecy, whenever he had time to spare, and we all knew that Molly wouldn't approve to it. She was very sceptical about Muggle means of transport in general and especially when I was involved, not trusting me at all.

When we weren't at The Burrow, working on the motorbike, I gave Sirius Occlumency lessons like I had suggested. He actually thought it a good idea and was quite eager about it at first, until he realized what a merciless teacher I could be.

"You could at least warn me before attacking me!" He snapped affronted after I had launched a mental attack at him, catching him totally unawares. I saw glimpses of his childhood, his mother yelling at him because he had slipped out of the house and played with some Muggle kids, him not understanding what was wrong about that. I saw his fear when the Sorting Hat was placed on his head, not Slytherin, please, not Slytherin… he didn't want to lose the friend he had just found on the train, his first friend. I felt his grief, overwhelming, as he stood at the wreckage of a cottage in Godric's Hollow, something dying deep inside him.

"Sirius, you're supposed to clear your mind," I told him, "the Dark Lord won't warn you either before using Legilimency on you."

"Right… right, but you're not the Dark Lord- you're the woman I love and I don't want to keep secrets from you. It doesn't feel right."

"Darling, that's sweet but maddeningly unhelpful at the moment. Lives may depend on your ability to use Occlumency so clear your mind and let's try it again."

He sighed. I understood his problem. I didn't want to invade his mind; I didn't want to find out any secrets or hidden fears and most of all I didn't find out anything about his feelings towards me that way. There should never be a reason to use the mental arts in a relationship and I would have preferred if anyone else could have taught him Occlumency but unfortunately I knew no one with acceptable skills. No one but Severus and he was busy enough.

I remembered how I had learned Occlumency and how easy it had actually been to me to- well, not really to clear my mind of emotions but to close it, to shut it from anyone penetrating my innermost thoughts and go snooping in my memories. It had sent Severus crashing in a pair of chairs in the Slytherin common room when he had first tried to use Legilimency on me. Yeah, we had a lot of fun at school. We had practiced it ever since, and every time I had managed to keep one part of my soul completely locked to him. Mind, I'm not saying I was as good at Occlumency as he was because that would sound too presumptuous, and besides, it wasn't true. I didn't have his rare talent to think up what looked like valuable information while withholding the essential- it was always all or nothing to me, so I'd preferred to not give away anything at all and that with fierce force.

"Alright," I opted for another try, "so on the count of three… clear your mind and repel me with your brain… one- two- three-"

Legilimens.No one would shout that at the person who's mind one is going to break into so of course I used the non-verbal spell on him. He had braced himself quite well but not good enough… I saw an image of us in bed flickering through his mind and had the decency to blush at the scene.

"Oh… um, you seem to like that…"

He grinned at me. "We could repeat that."

"I told you to concentrate!" I snapped, suddenly infuriated. If he didn't learn Occlumency, if anybody used Legilimency on him and he wasn't able to hide his feeling, his memories, he would be an incalculable risk not only to Dumbledore's plans. Harry's life and Severus' were at stake too. Of course he'd never give them away willingly, and he'd rather die than betray Harry, but Voldemort was a damned good Legilimens. Sirius had to learn to keep up his guard. "Clear your mind. I'm not doing this for fun."

He tried to behave then and concentrated again; he was improving. I told him how I guarded my mind by envisioning an endless high tower around it but what helped me didn't help him. The next time I made an attempt to invade his mind the high tower he concentrated on became Azkaban and a flock of Dementors were approaching him, growing taller and taller. I sensed his panic and was about to break the contact… then I heard a yelp. A vision was flooding my mind, teeth gnawing happily on a bone…

"Uh, you're disgusting… Snuffles."

Sirius had transformed into a large, black dog sitting in front of me, wagging his tail. Certainly, that might be a way to hide his feeling from a skilled Legilimens; it had worked in Azkaban when the less complex dog mind had kept the Dementors at bay, when he had not given them happy human emotions to suck out of him.

He transformed back into his usual form, flashing me a cocksure smile. "How was that?"

"Great," I said. "The lesson ends here and you will sleep on the sofa tonight."

Sirius looked hurt. "What have I done to offend you?"

Well, I still had problems with his animagnus form. Mind, I liked dogs; they're cute. Mayhap he really was a loveable stray and yet I'd never enter a sexual relationship with a dog. I simply couldn't block that vision from my mind whenever he transformed. So I went up the staircase on my own.

That night, at the end of the second week of September, I lay alone in bed when I heard a familiar voice whisper my name. Severus! Immediately I felt an unreasonable wave of relief wash over me because apparently he had changed his mind and given up his self-imposed isolation. I reached for the two-way mirror, which I always kept close to me, and saw his reflection, realizing at once how weary he looked as his dark orbs bore into mine, a sneer on his face when I asked him how he was faring.

"One might think that teaching ungrateful dunderheads is the worst that could happen to someone, but supervising a whole school of ignorant brats while at the same time trying to protect them from their follies, is decidedly the most dreadful task to ever bestow upon someone."

"Is it that bad?" I asked sympathetically but he chose to ignore my question.

Instead, he said, "However, after considering it thoroughly I came to the conclusion that the Dark Lord must have split his soul in seven parts…"

"Because seven is a magical number?"

"Correct."

"Ah- so that would mean that in addition to the diary, the locket and the cup he made three more Horcruxes?"

"Indeed. You might be interested to hear what I found out about the origin of the locket, I believe?"

"You found out?" I propped myself up on an elbow and glanced at Severus in the mirror. "How?"

"I guess you still remember a certain house-elf by the name of Pinkie?"

"The same cute, little ugliness who was always so kind to bring us sandwiches when we were studying late at night?" Of course I remembered her. Although there was an army of house-elves working at Hogwarts, doing the laundry, the cooking- anything to make life at the castle as comfortable as possible- I would never forget Pinkie. She had been sort of our house-elf due to her chosen devotion to Severus.

"The same one. She was ever so happy when I returned to Hogwarts as Potions Master and has often since proved to be a reliable and discreet soul, so I asked her to find out something for me."

"You asked her to spy on Kreacher?"

"I asked her to be friendly with Kreacher," he corrected me with a mocking smile, "so that perhaps he would show her the 'token of gratitude' he has received from his master, and she was eager to comply with my request. The way she described the locket in question could only lead to the assumption that it is indeed the locket of Salazar Slytherin."

"Bummer." Salazar Slytherin had been one of the founders of Hogwarts and given what I knew about the man who had become Lord Voldemort it was likely that he might have also used something precious of the other three founders to turn it into a Horcrux. I remembered the golden cup he had- according to Severus- given into Bellatrix' care years ago. "If the locket is Slytherin's then it's probably safe to assume that the cup is Helga Hufflepuff's, which almost inevitably leads to the conclusion that ugly ol' snake-face also managed to get his snaky fingers on something of magical interest from Ravenclaw and made it a Horcrux."

It made all perfect sense to me. Voldemort would not chose just anything as an item to place a piece of his precious, wicked, and thoroughly depraved soul into- no, it had to be something special. A very special magical artefact.

"That's what I believe." Severus confirmed my thoughts.

"Any idea where the real locket or the cup might be?"

"It was hushed, of course, but there had been an incident at the Ministry on the second of September…"

"That's the same day Harry disappeared from Grimmauld Place. Sirius has no clue where the boy is right now and that makes him edgy. Do you think there is a connection?"

"I do. Actually, I know for sure that Potter has been spotted at the Ministry and then disappeared. Raven, it is essential to find out where he went…"

"Because you have to give him the sword," I concluded. Though Voldemort had probably used artefacts that represented the founders of Hogwarts to create his Horcruxes, I doubted that the Sword of Gryffindor was one of them- no, it was more likely that it was the ideal weapon to destroy them. That's why Severus wanted to give the sword to Harry; it had long been arranged with Dumbledore and for once I had no objection to the old man's plan.

"If you manage to overhear anything about his whereabouts…"

"I will tell you immediately, Sev, that goes without saying. But where could Bellatrix have hidden the cup? I suppose that after she escaped from Azkaban she didn't have a proper home where she could have gone."

"She probably left it safely in the Lestranges' vault at Gringotts."

"Lestrange…" My name. I let it roll over my tongue until it melted in my mouth. We shared a name although we were definitely not related- but did the folks at Gringotts know? I was toying with a very daring idea.

"No!" Severus said vehemently as if he could read my mind. Well, perhaps he could or he just knew me quite well. "I won't let you… you won't do that. Forget it."

"But…"

"NO!" He sounded downright angry now. "I won't have that. I thought better of you than to come up with such absurd ideas. Black!" His eyes darted from one side of the mirror to the other, apparently frustrated that he couldn't see beyond the frame of it, further into the room. "Black! Where's that idiot mutt when I need him to talk you out of this?"

"Sleeping on the sofa," I said quietly.

"Oh," Severus stared at me with an intensity that almost made me shiver, "do I sense trouble? What happened?"

"Ah, 'twas nothing. Just a little incident during our Occlumency lesson… you know, he transformed into his animagnus form..."

He arched a brow at me, sneering, "And of course you won't let a flea-ridden mongrel in your bed, I understand."

"I'd prefer to not discuss my relationship."

"Very well, but promise me not to do anything stupid. I believe Dumbledore left it to Potter to find the Horcruxes for a reason; the boy might have information we know not."

"Hmpf," I grumbled. Yeah, I would promise him not to pretend I was one of the pureblood Lestrange clan in order to break into their vault at Gringotts, I knew my friend worried about me, but I couldn't bring myself to believe in Dumbledore's good intentions. I had seen it in Severus' memories; I had heard it. He had openly admitted that Harry would have to die at Voldemort's hands, that he had raised him like pig for slaughter. For the greater good. Which reminded me of the book I haven't started reading yet. "Have you read Rita Skeeter's 'The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore'?"

"You should know me better than to expect I would waste my time reading rubbish."

"Oh, but even in the biggest pile of rubbish you often find a grain of truth. I only flickered through the pages and looked at the pictures- it's true he had been friends with Grindelwald…"

"Raven, read Skeeter's book if you have to and if you happen to stumble across some more grains of truth feel free to report that to me. I really don't want to bother myself with gossip and sensation-seeking journalism if I can avoid it."

I realized how tired he sounded and glanced at my watch; it was nearly 2 AM. "You're right, Sev. I kept you awake long enough now, time to get some sleep. We'll talk again?"

"Good night," he said and then he was gone.

I put the two-way mirror on the bedside table, lit a cigarette, and reached for 'The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore'. Although it was late I knew I couldn't sleep anyway. It was strange to lie in this bed all alone when I was used to sharing it with Sirius, but the notion of the large, black dog wagging his tail was appalling; I couldn't help it. Maybe I had an overly imaginative mind when I envisioned him transforming while we made love, or hearing the panting of a dog in my ear when cuddled up close together. I knew that would go away in a day or two and until then Sirius would have to sleep on the sofa. Sorry for that.

I gave up Occlumency lessons with Sirius when it became apparent that all he could muster to block me from invading his mind was the dog-gnawing-happily-on-a-bone vision. If that would be enough to stop Voldemort from penetrating his thoughts I didn't know; I hoped I'd never have to find out. I prayed neither of us would ever find ourselves in a situation face to face with the Dark Lord and at the receiving end of his Legilimency skills. I was a fairly good Occlumens but I couldn't match Severus... I had given my best to teach Sirius at least enough to keep Severus' double agent role from his mind but then again it was probably not very hard for him to avoid thinking about Severus in any other way than disliking him. Mayhap that would do. Our relationship wouldn't survive any more Occlumency lessons. I still wanted to be able to see my lover in him, the man I loved- not the loveable stray I'd give a bone, patting his head.

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