Previously: "Okay, then. I'll should go." He kissed my cheek and left. I sat there alone, on the cold tile, sobbing until the dawn.
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I walked over to my bed. I was going to move out. I wasn't going to live here and hurt people I loved. I didn't want to kill but I had to. Nobody could cheer me up, and I couldn't commit suicide; I had already tried that with Sebastian. "What am I supposed to do?" I ask. "Was I created for this? To kill? Am I just a murderer?" Yes. I am just a murderer. I have feelings, unlike Sebastian, who liked me for my body. What am I going to do? Will I have a baby, or will I ever see Ian again? Will I try to commit suicide, again? Will I ever learn to move fast and be strong? Probably. Maybe I will learn with time. Maybe I will just have to practice. Most likely for all of those things. Most likely. I hear a knock on my door and I am totally silent as I open the window and start to climb out. "Hello? Is anyone in there? It's Anthony." "Meet me outside!" I yell. "Okay!" I heard the metal of the stairs banging with every step Anthony took. I jumped out, I was on the sixth floor, and landed on my feet. "Hmm." I say. "I guess I can't die from a high height. I walked around to the front. Anthony was waiting. "Hey Anthony." I greet. "Hey." I embrace him in a hug. "What?" He asks as if he thought I said something and couldn't hear me. "I'm tired. I don't know, Anthony. I'm scared." "Get in the car." He says. I walk around to the passenger seat and climb in the car. Anthony gets in and closes the door. "So what's going on?" He asks. "I need to get out of here." I say. "What? Why?" "Because I murder people, Anthony. I'm a murderer." "Just because you killed people doesn't mean you're a bad person." "Killed is too nice a word." I say. "I not only took their blood, but I took their lives." I say. "I had just fed, Anthony, and now I am hungry again." "Take my blood." He says. "No! Aren't you disgusted by me?" "Well, that depends on what you mean." I was horrified. "Anthony, I murder people! I am a murderer!" I tone down my voice to a loud whisper. He looked at me with his soft brown eyes. "I don't think of you as a murderer, I think of you as a best friend. The bestest friend I could ever have." I lean into his shoulder and nuzzle my face into his collarbone. "I'm sorry." I say. "For what?" I bite him and drink his blood. I had to drink. I was sorry if I killed him. I felt a hand press against the back of my head. "It's okay. Take as much as you need. I am always here for you." I felt hot tears slide down my cheeks and onto his neck. I pulled out of his neck. His head was leaning against the headrest. "Anthony?" "Yes?" Oh thank goodness. "Thank you." I wiped his neck free of blood with my shirt. He stopped bleeding after a minute. "It's okay." He says. "I needed that." He wrapped his arms around me in the cold car. It was fall now, almost the end of fall. That meant it was cold, but none of us had really noticed it. We were too caught up in all of the problems to notice anything going on around us. I had just not noticed how cold it was, and of course, I was born in the summertime, I loved heat. As much heat as I could get. I've always loved fire, especially in the winter. Roasting marshmallows over the fire in the backyard. Of course I can't eat roasted marshmallows. Ian can. Anthony can. Everyone else can but me. Maybe other vampires can, I had no idea. I shouldn't have killed Sebastian in the first place, maybe I should've gotten to know him and asked him these questions. I shivered at the cold air conditioning hitting my face. "Are you cold? I can turn the heat on." He turned on the car and let the heat hit my face. I felt like my face was melting, like my bare feet were melting. "Ahh." I sigh. I wiggled my toes. Of course I was also wearing summer clothes in the fall, almost winter. I took off my flip flops. "Do you like that?" "Mm-hmm." I said. I could tell he smiled, even though my eyes were closed. I could hear his heartbeat getting faster and faster. I had to talk before he did; I knew what he would say. I picked my head up suddenly. "Can we go back to your house?" "Why?" "Wait a second, hold on. I'm going to go get some stuff." I say. I get out of the car and rush up the stairs, faster than normal. I grab my clothes and my laptop. I get my shoes and the rest of my belongings that don't belong in the room. I leave the dead police men for people to find later, and on my way out, I pass the desk lady the keys and sixty dollars for the rent. "Bye!" I shout. I open the doors and I go back to Anthony's car, I open the trunk and shove my stuff in the back. I get in the car. "Okay, now we can leave." He shrugs and steps on the gas, taking us back to his house. "Ian's not home." He seemed to read my mind. "Okay, where is he?" "He went to the park. He said something about not feeling good and being alone." "I don't think he wants to be alone." "Why not?" "I don't know, I just get the feeling." I knew there might be other vampires that would be happy to drink his blood and turn him, and if Ian found any, he would surly ask. "I need to talk to Ian." I say. Anthony seemed to be tenser. I could feel it. He turned a different way. "Where are we going?" I ask. He had turned into an empty parking lot for a strip mall. He stopped the car. "Why do you always spend so much time with Ian?" He asks. "You do know that I like you, right?" I really didn't want to tell him. "I… Anthony…" I say. "Come on, tell me. Why is it that you always spend time with Ian?" "I… I don't… I can't…" "You can't what? Spit it out!" Ian wouldn't press me like this. "What? What are you talking about?" "Did I say that out loud?" "Yes. Press you like what?" "You're pressing me to tell you something. I told Ian I wanted to be alone at the apartment, and he just said, 'ok'. He didn't ask why, he didn't care. All he cared about is what I wanted." I felt like I was blaming Anthony of being something he isn't. "I'm sorry Anthony, I don't mean to offend you." "It's okay. I should care about what you want and not what I want." "I wasn't saying that!" "No, it's okay." "Anthony!" "What?" "I meant… I mean…" I didn't know how to explain it. "It's fine. Never mind." I say. "Okay." I can't tell him. I want to tell him. But I can't. "Don't start the car yet." I say. "Why not?" "I want to do something, no, I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to be mad or even say anything to Ian, okay?" "I promise." "Ian and I…" I start.