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A big thank you to writer #TheCauldron, for helping me get through my writer's block. I owe this lady so much x
Harry spent the next early hours of the following morning tossing and turning, not having had a wink of sleep since he parted ways with Severus and their rendezvous in the man's study. He felt unsettled and irritable, something in his gut telling him he should have gone to bed with the man instead of secluding himself away. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time but the suffocating and overwhelming feeling of what their relationship was and could be was chewing away at him, not to mention he was starting to worry about what his friends would say. He was sure Hermione might have some common sense and actually see the real reason for his choice to stay with Severus over the remainder of the break, Ron he was sure would lose it, he didn't like the man and although he seemed calm enough when told about the fact that they were together it was typical of Ron to go feral over something.
He continued to lay there, sighing and turning from side to side until a noise at his window caught his attention. He thought it odd that an owl would return to him at this hour, his friends usually wrote back to him at a reasonable time and it wasn't as though the weather was terrible for it to be a delayed message. So without any delay he got out of bed and the unmistakeable colour of Hermione's owl came to light as the moon poured through the window making him develop an uncomfortable knot in his stomach, there seemed to be the impending feeling of doom with this letter as the red envelope stood out in the moonlight.
Swallowing a lump in his throat he debated whether or not to open it. There was a very real chance that there wouldn't be anything wrong with the message, he only hoped that he could count on his friends for support when he was feeling so unsure about the whole situation. There's only one way to find out, he thought as he jumped back into bed, his wand poised over the letter as he cast a silent lumos and picked the seal. He thanked Merlin that it wasn't a howler, that would have been embarrassing to listen to, as well as knowing Severus would have heard it as well.
His heart sank when her angry words leaped off the piece of parchment he was holding, the biting sting of harsh accusations making his eyes well up with tears. Harry started thinking that he should have known better than to think that the two of them were above all this, how his friends would be understanding of his situation. It was an unbidden thought he was now muttering to himself like a mantra of, I'm in too deep, what was I thinking? It is worth it? Of course in his right mind he knew he loved Severus but they had been through so much together that he caught himself thinking that perhaps they weren't supposed to be together, that perhaps he should be with someone his own age and maturity. Even as these ideas came into his mind there was a specific reason why he was with Severus and only he knew deep down what had happened in his childhood.
It was after these thoughts that he craved comfort and security, something only his older lover was capable of giving him at this time and so, with shaking limbs, he crawled out of bed and over to his door where he opened it slowly as to not make any noise. He quietly tip toed over to Severus's bedroom door and went to rest his hand on the handle when he stopped, he was having second thoughts about this now because he realised how stupid he had been in the first place for believing he still needed to think about what they were getting into again. He should have just taken the man's open offer to share a bed because now he looked like a right idiot standing timidly on the threshold of his lover's room.
Harry's nervousness roused Severus from his slumber, to be fair he hadn't really gotten a good nights sleep in the first place, but now he was rolling onto his side with his head turned towards his closed bedroom door. He could feel the teen's nervous energy flowing into the room, teeming through the piece of wood separating them but he didn't know what to make of it. He thought it had been made perfectly clear to him that Harry really wanted his space so he wasn't going to react but his concern was there, as it always was for the teen, but he wasn't going to get up, especially not when he heard his door handle rattle. Thinking quickly he turned so his body was now facing away from the door and closed his eyes, he was going to feign his restful sleep to find out Harry's intentions, no doubt he had a fair idea but he didn't want to seem too hopeful. If he had been fully awake and alone he would have scoffed at how soft he was becoming, the way he would pamper the boy's every needs and run around after him.
Harry on the other hand pushed the door open with his head, Jade, his Animagus proving to be a critical asset in his quest to find what he was after without actually having to speak. He knew that even with his memory blocks in place, his face when he was upset would always show it and he didn't want that to happen at this point, Merlin, he wasn't even sure the man would be awake. Not that he wanted that but he didn't want to scare the man at the same time.
Peering around the door he spied the lump on the bed and took on the assumption that he was not facing his way; it was comforting to know he would be able to take his time with this because at best his little legs were shaking so violently he was having trouble walking. He kept reminding himself to take deep breaths, that Severus would accept him and wouldn't judge him, that Severus loved him. With a deep breath in his cat lungs he poised himself ready to overcome the biggest hurdle in this from. Heights. Whilst cats had great jumping abilities, not having spent much time frolicking around jumping from pillar to post meant that it was something new to him still, not to mention the fact that his malnourishment meant his cat form was the equivalent of a grown kitten.
Clawing at the duvet cover, he was able to hoist himself up and onto the bed without too much trouble; the next challenge was getting over Severus's legs without falling on his face as he attempted to manoeuvre himself in the darkness. Even with his improved eyesight in the darkness, the man had pulled his curtains and there was hardly any light at all but he managed without incident and crouched low onto his stomach, mewling softly half a meter away from the older Wizard's body. There was no movement from the man and his breathing showed that he was asleep which deflated Harry's belief that he would be welcomed into open arms. He cried again, this time a little louder and his little heart beat fiercely in his ribcage as he attempted to hold onto his emotions though it wasn't going the way he wanted it to. He coughed in between breathing and found himself commando crawling on his front, tears in his eyes as he made his way over to the man.
He wanted to be cuddled and he wanted to feel the warmth from the man's body calming him and protecting him because the realisation had finally hit him that it was only ever going to be the two of them. No one was ever going to fully understand his reasons for being with Severus because it was more than just being there, it was the whole package with experience, comfort, wealth of knowledge. Everything.
Moving closer still, Harry found an opening between Severus and the bed so he carefully padded towards it and settled under the covers right by where the man's heart was beating steadily. He heard it skip and flutter a few times before it settled back to a steady rhythm and that was all Harry needed to know that his lover knew he was there and hadn't pushed him away. Severus smiled gently from where he lay above the ball of fur pressed into his chest, his last thoughts being how nice it was to have the boy with him but also concerned by the fact he was shaking violently against him.
It had taken Severus a while after his late night visitor to get back to sleep, the shaking cat curled up beside him had stopped his body from peacefully falling into a slumber. Not that he minded of course, he was grateful at this stage for any contact with Harry but he desperately wanted to know what the problem was. Perhaps it was a conflicting time for him, trying to work out what was appropriate or even what he wanted but there was no way of knowing until the teen came to him and actually spoke up about what was going on in his mind.
He finally woke up midmorning and was happy to feel another body pressed into his own as his arms wrapped around the smaller frame. Jade was gone and Harry lay beside him, seemingly content in the embrace they were in but he knew the boy and his heart stuttered when he thought about what would happen when they woke. Fortunately, this was going to be another positive affair, his lover stretching and curling around back into a comfortable position facing him this time. There was an audible sigh from the teen and he tightened his arms around the slim shoulders, resting his chin atop Harry's head. He didn't want to rouse him from his sleep but he wanted the teen to realise where he was.
Half an hour later and Harry was wriggling about, feeling too warm for his liking and he tried to untangle himself from the predicament he was in but the arms kept him firmly in place. Mumbling in discomfort he found the restraint loosen and he rolled away into a cooler section of the bed. He knew he was in Severus's bed, he was actually grateful that that was where he had ended up because he felt that he needed this comfort right now, especially when the memory of Hermione's owl came to the forefront of his mind. He was going to have to speak with her again, he had thought that when they parted ways on his birthday that she knew what he was going through but apparently she didn't. At this he sighed and it caught the attention of his bed companion.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Severus asked as he faced Harry's back, keeping some distance between them.
Harry didn't reply, instead he started shaking again and it wasn't until a sniffle was heard that Severus realised that his lover was crying. He wasted no time in closing the distance between them and putting his arms around the teen, whatever the matter was it seemed serious, Harry didn't just randomly start crying like this, there was always a reason.
"I got an owl from Hermione in the night, she doesn't understand." Harry started but stopped as he felt the arms around him trying to roll him over so they could look at each other.
"Severus, do you ever feel like you're in too deep? Like you're drowning in a situation and don't know how to stay afloat?" The words surprised the man and he felt his stomach drop as he took in the meaning behind it.
"Yes." His response was cautious and clipped.
"That's how I feel. No one understands. There is only one person I can turn to for all of this and as much as I trust you, it feels a little lonely." Harry was desperately trying to reign in his emotions and not start crying again, he was sniffing enough as it was.
If Severus was honest, he didn't really know what to make of all this. He had felt how strongly Harry wanted to be with him but now with what he was saying it seemed the opposite, then again the boy hadn't pushed him away so he was only speculating that this was a good thing.
"Are you saying… You do not wish to be with me?" Severus had to say it, he had to be direct because he was feeling a lot like Harry was right now, the weight of the boy's decision weighing him down like he too couldn't stay afloat.
"What?! Merlin, no, I'm saying the opposite," Harry said suddenly, getting a handle of his emotions and turning violently in his lovers arms so they were inches away from each other's faces, "I guess I've just realised that people will never understand the choices I've made. It's difficult to get your head around the fact that your best friend will never truly get why it is that I'm with you, you're more than just my boyfriend, Severus. I'm beginning to realise you're my everything."
The words were hard so say aloud and he heard his voice crack at the last moment but apparently it was the right thing to say because soon he felt a comforting weight on top of him, Severus's face close to his own as he leaned down to kiss him. There was a certain tenderness in their actions and what was once a suffocating feeling turned into a blossoming current that spread through him. It was certainly welcomed and as he raked his fingers across Severus's back, feeling the man's fingers also crossing over his soft skin, all the tension from that night seemingly melted away into insignificance. He thought that perhaps he had been wrong to believe a world with the two of them would be lonely because he technically had everything he needed, right there, right in that moment and it brought a smile to his face.
All too soon however, the kissing and groping stopped leaving Harry feeling needy and clingy. He knew what the time was though and he watched as his lover glanced at the time before looking at the door as if in thought.
"We should get up and seeing as we both need to shower…" He looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth.
Harry returned his smirk and then placed a peck on the corner of Severus's mouth before he was hauled on his feet and dragged into the bathroom. They were both clothed at this point and Harry thought the man looked incredibly sexy dressed in black pyjamas but even more so with him naked. Severus, it seemed, was thinking the same because they both reached for each other simultaneously, the water slowing warming up in the background, filling the awkward silence that had been creeping in on their session.
When Harry was left feeling naked and exposed, Severus in a similar state, he pulled them both under the water, his muscles instantly relaxed when he was under the teaming water and he huddled into the man's body, seeking comfort and reassurance. He was hoping that this bubble that had been placed around them would continue to stay this was, however he knew at some point they were returning back to school. Harry tried to let that thought slide for now because he wanted to ravish the older Wizard currently kneading his buttocks.
Their bodies were flush against each other and Severus's constant grip and massaging caused a gentle rocking motion between their groins eliciting soft mewling from the his younger lover. He brought his lips down to the soft flesh on Harry's neck and laid light kisses before turning them into stronger passionate bites that seemed to bring Harry out of his silent musings to join in on the actions. Once the teen raked his hands over Severus's body he took that as a cue he was ready and ran his finger along the length of his youth's crack, running his finger across the puckered hole in preparation of penetrating its tight ring. Harry made a noise at this but back himself onto the finger, further proving he was ready.
The preparations were quick, the older Wizard not wanting to waste any time before burying himself into the hot channel that gripped tightly onto his length. He wanted to see his lovers face as they had sex, he couldn't bear to make love to him without seeing straight into those bright green eyes. Yes, Harry looked a little more human now that he had been living with Severus, even over that short time the positive energy that he was surrounded by had definitely changed the teen for the better. He could still see the demons written in Harry's eyes, not that he knew what they were specifically, but they didn't look so haunting in this current moment.
"Severus." Harry breathed when he was filled with the long manhood, his head falling back against the tiles his back was pressed against as his legs were hoisted high around the man's body.
"Don't worry about the others. If they are true friends then they will understand and support you. I will always be here for you, understand?" Severus's deep voice resonated around the room and Harry's mind like a calming wave and he nodded numbly, his eyes closed as he rode out the sensations the man's erection was creating within him.
His thrusts we deep and slow, it was always enjoyable to be rough and ready but the constant rhythm and long movements were just as erotic. That's what the Potion's Master believed anyway as he moved a hand to the side of the teens face, cupping it and making the boy open his eyes in the process.
"Keep your eyes open. I want to look at you." He explained and Harry nodded before locking onto passionate brown orbs of his lover.
The look was intense and one Harry fought hard against to not turn away. There was a spark that ignited deep within him and he moaned simply at the desire it created in the pit of his stomach, a feeling so intense that he cried out with pleasure as he came apart to the rhythmic ministrations of his lovers' movements. Severus thought the view was perfect and with some hard thrusts he came moments later, burying his head in the crook of Harry's neck as he regained his breathing.
Once they had calmed, Harry peered up at his Potion's Professor with a dazed expression, the evidence of their session clear in his diluted pupils but it was a look that suited the teen greatly and Severs set about washing him down, carefully mapping out his body as he went. Whilst you could still see the defined bones through Harry's skin, he could tell that there was a little more meat on his frame since he had finished up at Durmstrang and this was comforting to see, his Harry was healing, something he was pleasantly happy about.
When Harry was more alert, he repaid the favour, taking the cloth and washing Severus down, moving over the man's chest, he ran his fingers over the chest hair and found familiarity in the action. He supposed that in the end it didn't matter what his friends thought about his decision, as long as Severus stayed by his side it would okay. He braved a smile at his Professor finishing up with washing the man and stepped into the loving arms. He felt safe here, nothing was going to burst his bubble as long as they were in each other's presence.
"That's five days away!" Harry exclaimed as he and Severus sat at the table a week later.
After Hermione's owl voicing her polite disgust in the fact he had moved back in with their Potion's Professor and Ron's somewhat mellowed reply where he didn't really know how he felt, the two of them fell into familiar routines. Harry would read or study during the day whilst Severus busied himself in the lab and in the evenings they would explore each other. It felt like old times and it calmed the ex-Gryffindor knowing that he had something that he could call a home as well as someone to share it with.
Now, however Harry sat across from his lover as they ate breakfast in a little bit of a panic. Severus had just received an owl from the Headmaster requesting that he come back to the castle a few days before the term started for the year to assist with final preparations. He didn't feel happy about this, it was three days where he was going to have to entertain himself and he didn't even know if the man was going to let him stay in the house alone. He doubted he would be able to venture into school before the year started, the Headmaster wouldn't allow that. He was sure of this fact.
"Oh please, enough of the dramatics. You will be fine without me for a few days. Besides, you might want to make sure you have everything sorted for the new year. Perhaps read ahead – "
"I've already done that." Harry snapped, his petulant teenage ways rearing its ugly head but Severus found humor in it.
"Then perhaps Potions, or is it not your desire to level out of NEWT's and take a higher grade?"
Harry had forgotten about this, he had asked the man if he could have special lessons above everyone else in his year, he wasn't quite ready to not have class with Severus for the final year and knew that he would find it hard no venturing down into the Dungeons at least once a day.
"Are you going to ask Professor Dumbledore if I can do the next level?" Harry tried not to sound so hopeful but he failed miserably as Severus arched an eyebrow at him.
"Harry, the next level is an Apprenticeship. Perhaps you ought to read up on this and see if it is what you truly want. Of course I could always spend some time with you outside of class with the harder Potions but then we would be going against the Headmaster's back and Merlin forbid I do something else to get in his bad books." Severus explained, his tone getting more serious towards the end and Harry felt his heart ache for his Professor; the man had said to wait until this year to do anything serious in their relationship but he had been impatient and look where that had landed them both.
"Sorry," He mumbled and looked up through his long bangs at the man across from him, "I forgot – "
"Do not worry about it, please, Harry. I will sort something out, but I need to know what it actually is that you want to do. I will not just go and make something up just so that we can have an excuse to see each other during the week, that, and the Headmaster would be able to tell if this was legitimate or not."
"Okay. Well, I want to do Potions and if it's with you I know I'm going to enjoy it more. If the next step is an Apprenticeship then I want to do it." Harry decided, he didn't actually know what it entailed but it sounded promising.
"Very well. I will acquire some brochures about the opportunities so you can make an informed decision, I will also speak with Professor McGonagall and tell her you are interested. I have no doubt she will be supportive of you taking this on." Severus explained and Harry nodded before smiling softly.
"Even if it's with you?"
"I will have you know, Professor McGonagall and I are thick as thieves." The man quipped back and the tension in the room lifted tenfold.
After this, Harry went outside, the warm sun beating down on his face and he closed his eyes to savour it. He knew that he should be preparing for Quidditch when school resumed and he had been going for a run each morning but he needed something more, he needed to get up and onto his broom to work on some skills. He remembered Severus mentioning that there were some pretty strong wards placed around the house, he wondered how far they extended to and walked back inside to ask the man.
A few hours later Harry was up in the sky hovering above the forest by the house. Severus had cast a disillusionment charm over him so Muggles wouldn't be able to see him, it felt weird being in such a position outside of school and Wizarding areas so he felt himself double checking to see if someone was looking at him. He needn't have worried though, no one would even notice him as he sped off through the trees dodging, twisting and turning through the forest at dangerous speeds. It seemed great practice for him, even better than when he was on the Quidditch pitch during training and he wondered if he should do this when school was back in session. It made a much better unpredictable endurance test for him and by the time he returned back to the house he was exhausted with sweat pouring in lines down his face and body.
He had no shame in stripping as he walked the path back into the house, his shirt taking a bit to shrug off as it clung to his back but it was satisfying when the air hit his warm skin making, cooling him down. Severus was walking out of his lab when he walked through the entrance and he raked his eyes hungrily over the teens toned body, however once Harry got closer he turned his head up towards the bathroom.
"That's the smell of hard work, Severus." He commented, smiling at the expression the man was wearing as he neared but didn't stop as he ascended the stairs.
"You wouldn't know even if you fell over it, boy." Severus snarked back but the banter was light and the mood positive as they continued on their separate paths.
By the evening, Harry was sitting at the dining table when Severus came down the stairs with a handful of papers, placing them on the table between them before he sat down for dinner. At the teens' questioning look he pushed them closer and he could see from the top brochure that it was to do with his Apprenticeship, he then thought that the man must have gone out when he was practicing for Quidditch earlier.
"Take a read through those. You will need to make a decision on what you want to do for your thesis early on into the school term but you do not need to decide right now."
"Okay, thank you. What would you suggest I focus on? Obviously it's Potion's so will I need to create a new antidote because I'm pretty sure most of them would be done." Harry sighed a little defeated at this realisation but he really didn't know anything about this process so he was trusting Severus would guide him.
"It could be anything, Harry. Just that it has to be Potion's related. You could study the effects of certain ingredients or test a collection of medicines and see whether they could be improved. It's really up to you and what you find interesting." Severus explained but Harry didn't really find that any more helpful and roughly forked some potato in frustration.
"I don't know if I'm cut out for this. I mean, I'm nothing compared to your abilities."
"Harry," Severus sighed and the teen looked up, "I only have this knowledge because I've had a lot more experience than you. The age difference should have been your first give away, followed closely by the fact that I am a teacher. Do not be discouraged, I know you'll do fine. Besides, the grades you achieved at Durmstrang are nothing to scoff at, it is well known that Durmstrang boys' level of education is that little bit higher than Hogwarts. You must have a knack for Potion's for you to have achieved top student."
Harry smiled at this, he hadn't realised the man would have seen his grades and to be praised like he just had meant a lot. His lover wasn't the best at giving compliments and especially those to do with Potions, so he felt like it meant a great deal. From then he was able to finish off his dinner and when they made their way into the living room for the remainder of the evening Harry started to browse through the Apprentice brochures.
It seemed relatively straight forward, he would still maintain his classes but because he wasn't taking a Potion's class per say he now had two slots that needed to be filled which seemed to be what he needed to fulfil his Apprentice requirements. He thought about it for a few minutes and it seemed simple, surely doing an Apprenticeship, it would test your knowledge and skills but this seemed far too easy, he wondered why no one did this sort of thing in their final year if this was all the work he had to do. Naturally, he thought this would be an easy ride and became quite excited, if he could go about his daily school life then do Potion's with Severus in the evenings then this year was going to be enjoyable for him.
Like everything however, there was a drawback and as he sunk into the sofa next to Severus he groaned at his misfortune. Of course there was something he had missed, only an idiot would believe what he had read was everything and he sat there next to his lover, an arm wrapped around his shoulders and shaking due to the laughter that was happening beside him.
"It's not funny." Harry said petulantly, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest.
"On the contrary, Harry. Didn't it seem like a thin work load? No, you won't just be putting together a thesis and doing your normal classes. An Apprenticeship with me means you will be taking the first and later on the second year Potion's classes for me in exchange for my knowledge and time spent going through your research."
"How do you know I can teach? I've only just begun listening in class. Hermione should be the one doing this, she would make an amazing Professor."
"Yes, but my dear Gryffindor fiend, you are the one wanting an Apprenticeship, not, Miss. Granger. Unless of course you wish to re-take your last Potion's class this year?"
"No." Harry grumbled and leant into the warm embrace of his lover.