IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME PEOPLE DON'T REGARD THIS AS THE GREATEST WORK OF LITERATURE SINCE MAN LEARNT HOW TO WRITE. WELL FUCK YOU, PRINT THIS MASTERPIECE OFF AND TAKE IT TO YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER, THEN WE'LL SEE WHETHER I'M BETTER THAN SHAKESPEARE.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN and Russia. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THIS MEETING. BTW IT WAS ALL ENGLAND'S IDEA."

"AS IF YOU WANKER. I was going to have a nice day off, I was going to go and feed the ducks in peace and quiet but you bloody ruined it…"

"AS I WAS SAYING. WE ARE HERE TODAY TO WATCH THE MARRIAGE OF THAT PRINCE AND PRINCESS FROM ENGLAND. I wish President Whale was here to see this…"

There was a moment of silence in memory of the beautiful whale, who was still greatly missed by everyone since he was the best leader that America has ever had. RIP, MR WHALE.

"Why do you care, you've always hated the monarchy. Heck, I don't even care, it's just another bank holiday for most people in Britain. Why are your stupid tourists flocking to my wonderful country anyway? If you really like it that much, you can always be a part of my glorious empire again…"

America was sorely tempted, because really, the queen is such a BADASS. But he shut up in case his mouth got him in trouble again. (and how would he explain to Obama that he was fired because America had agreed to become one with the UK again? AWKWARD.)

Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the room, Rome and Germania were beating the shit out of each other on WoW.

"Why do we even have to be here? This laptop is so slow. I want to go home and pwn you properly."

"You, pwn me? Are we forgetting who the most powerful empire in the history of the world was?"

"Are we forgetting who destroyed the ~most powerful empire~?"

"Oh, it's on now bitch."

"WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP, WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH THIS."

America was sooo angry. I mean, how could anyone interrupt something so beautiful?

"YES, SHUT UP. I WANT TO SEE SOME BEAUTIFUL CORGIES, DAMNIT."

Germany of course, was much more interested in seeing his favourite creatures perform. He was thinking about sneaking into the queen's house and stealing a couple of the little harlots.

"OK GUYS, IT'S STARTING. DON'T MESS THIS UP FOR ENGLAND, HE'S REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT."

"As if I am, this is your idea remember!"

"HON HON HON mon petit Angleterre, you are so uptight."

"Mind your own bloody business, frog. You're just jelly because you killed off your royal family years ago."

France got seriously depressed by this, and so went to mope in a corner all day.

"OMG LOOK AT THEM WALKING. THAT BUILDING IS COOL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD SUCH COOL THINGS IN LONDON?"

"I TOLD YOU SEVERAL TIMES. But noooo, America always has better things. Except not, because you are obviously jealous of my royal family."

"AM NOT."

"ARE TOO."

"D2."

"Just shut up."

"Yes mom."

"It's mum, actually."

So then some more stuff happened on tv.

"Hey, she's not wearing the Shinatty dress I sent her aru! What a travesty aru!"

"Don't you mean Hello Kitty, China-san?"

China almost killed Japan right there. OMG HOW DARE HE.

"HOW DARE YOU ARU. Are you insinuating that a future queen would wear something that had a rip off of Shinatty on it aru? Just because you took off the mouth doesn't mean it's cuter aru. And you can still tell that you stole the idea from Shinatty aru."

Japan went SUPER SAIYAN.

"HEY. DON'T YOU SAY THAT ABOUT KITTY-CHAN. IT'S ON NOW."

China also powered up, using his 10000 year old kung fu mastery power.

"IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!"

All of a sudden, England stood up to leave.

"HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? IT'S GETTING TO THE GOOD PART."

"Sorry to say, I have an invitation to the reception. See you late, losers."

America started crying like a girl.

"I want to come too! It's not fair… Why won't you let me come?"

"It's not a state occasion, I don't have to let you come. Unless…"

America stopped crying immediately, because he was really just being melodramatic. O HAI HOLLYWOOD.

"UNLESS WHAT?"

"Unless… You become part of my empire, help me get the rest of my colonies back, and help me rape the shit out of Europe. You know, like it used to be in the old days."

America thought hard about this. You know, as hard as an American can think about anything. (lol, Britfag here. Amurrika is way inferior.)

"OK, I'll do it! But you'd better not force me to drink tea, or I'll throw it in the sea again!"

The other countries looked on in horror. OH GOD, WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

"Excellent. Well, cheerio old chaps. We have a wedding to go to. TALLY HO!"

"What he said! Well… BRITISH AMERICA AWAY!"

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED."

"Ve~ Looks like it'll be world war three, and we'll have to fight together again Doitsu~ Ve~ Ve~ Just think of the fun we used to have!"

Germany immediately found a gun and put it to his forehead.

"NOOOOO ALL HOPE IS LOST, TELL PRUSSIA HE CAN HAVE GERMANY AND BE A COUNTRY AGAIN, I CAN'T COPE WITH ANOTHER WAR IN WHICH I HAVE TO TEACH ITALY HOW TO FIGHT."

But then he put the gun down when a picture of a corgi flashed up on the tv screen.

"If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room."

All of a sudden, Russia slammed his empty vodka bottle down on the table.

"How.. How sneaky. If only I had a royal family still, everyone would want to be one with me. I could have so many friends…"

MEANWHILE AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION.

England was just chatting away to the Queen, as usual, since they're massive bffs. (they're even friends on facebook) When America decided to do something really stupid and attention-whoreish. (so basically, something American.)

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE."

All the posh people and notsoposh people stopped their conversations and stared at the crazy man who was standing on Prince Philip's favourite dining table. England dropped his glass of champagne in horror.

"FIRSTLY. I wanna say congratulations on the behalf of the American people to Will and Kate. YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME. SECONDLY. The USA has just become one with the UK. Isn't that just awesome? Hey, you can be an empire again! Sun never sets and all that nonsense. WAY COOL, RIGHT?"

England face palmed. STUPID BOY. America was already on his phone telling Obama, whilst the wedding guests started talking amongst themselves about the exciting news.

On the way home that evening, England started yelling at America.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR, STUPID BRAT."

"But, I thought that was what you wanted? I was just telling everyone…"

"IT WAS JUST A JOKE, YOU IDIOT."

"Oh."