Rory was in her floral sweatpants and tank top when she heard the knock on her door. She quickly finished brushing her teeth and ran to her dorm door. Expecting the ringwraiths again, she held up a baseball bat, ready to swing.

Michal, Cassie, and Glorfindel were standing there, all of them with different levels of concern.

"What did you do now?" Rory asked., lowering her bat.

Cassie held out a shoe box padded with bar napkins. Inside it was poor Linus, his top hat on the side, torn and tattered.

Rory almost screamed, taking the box quickly. She raced around, setting up an extra pillow on her dresser by the window. She could see in the lamplight that he was covered in painful welts from a stinger, and some of his eyes were puffed shut.

"What happened?" She looked at the three by the door.

"It all happened so quickly…" Cassie started.

"Your small friend here got into a bit of a scuffle with a wasp." Michal said.

Glorfindel came over with some Athelas, "Let me help." He said gently.

Rory backed away and let Glorfindel heal poor Linus.

It had taken almost an hour for the sting bumps to finally go down. By then Cassie had gone back to her room, and Michal had fallen asleep in the corner chair with Glorfindel's cloak over her.

Rory had made some tea for Glorfindel, and now they were just waiting for Linus to wake up.

"You really like Michal, don't you?" Rory asked the elf.

"I am quite fond of her for many reasons. She is...so different from the elleth. I find myself never bored when in her company." Glorfindel admitted.

"Is there ever really anything boring with this school?" Rory laughed.

"Your statement is true," Glorfindel smiled, "But I do find myself thinking of her when I wake up, and when I go to bed."

Rory thought for a moment, "Are canon characters allowed to be with people like us?"

"Well-" Glorfindel started, "It's a strange anomaly. They do not really have a protocol for this sort of thing. Perhaps because the students mostly just want to rip our clothes off and write homosexual smut for every character that breathes in the directions of their fandom."

Rory giggled, "It's a creative outlet."

"But...the tentacles."

"No. Stop." Rory held her stomach, "We're not going there."

Once Linus' breathing became regular, Glorfindel told Rory that all she needed to do was make sure he got bed rest. He bent down to pick up Michal, who looked as if she weighed nothing to him, and he left with her sleeping in his arms.

Rory checked her clock, seeing that it was almost 3am. She sighed, rubbed her tired hazel eyes and re fluffed her pillows.

She must have fallen asleep, because the sound of another Wizarding duel had woken her up. She looked outside to see Dumbledore conjuring dildos and throwing them at Gandalf who just scoffed in astonishment.

One of the dilldos hit Nick Fury, who was jogging in his peach shorts despite the weather, and he screamed bloody murder when it vibrated in his hands.

"I don't believe this school." Rory shook her head.

After she had washed her face and changed into a sweater and jeans, she saw that Linus was finally starting to wake up.

Rory ran over to the spider, holding a dropper with sugar water in it.

"How are you feeling, Linus?" She asked, helping to prop his head up with a folded scarf.

Linus took a few sips of the water, "I'm quite alright, Rory, thank you."

"What were you thinking, fighting a wasp like that?" Rory scolded, "You're supposed to be a gentlebug."

"Oh you should have seen it, Rory. That brute was going to hurt Mae. I know wasps have a temper, but this. I couldn't stand for it any longer." Linus sighed, "I did manage to web his wings."

"You had me so worried, Linus." Rory shook her head, "You could've died."

"Perish the thought…"

"Linus." Rory raised her voice.

The spider dropped the conversation, thankful to have Rory with him.

"How is Mae?" Linus finally asked.

"She's staying at the Hollow. It's been snowing so she can't go out." Rory told him.

"I figured as much," Linus said, "Perhaps I'll make my way over."

Rory stopped him, "Absolutely not. You're under strict instructions to rest for the next few days. those stings were quite large and there is only so much elvish healing can do for you." She gave him a few more drops of sugar water."

Linus glared at her, but didn't argue for fear he'd be squished;, instead, he turned the conversation to her.

"Why did you leave so quickly?" He asked.

Rory hesitated, "Oh well, Linus, you know I saw your show. And you were all absolutely brilliant…"

The look Linus gave her made her sigh, "I was going to stay and whatnot, I just didn't expect a Professor to be there is all."

"Many of the crowd members were professors. You saw Elrond get up on the bar and dance with Arthur Weasley."

"Thank you for reminding me," Rory shuddered, "I meant Boromir."

"Well, I invited him." Linus said.

"Why?"

"Because I have friends outside of you and the Bug Boys that's why," Linus seemed offended, "And I thought maybe you two would, perhaps, clear the air on some things."

"Well, I'm afraid things didn't go so well. I was sort of a bitch to him." Rory sucked air through her teeth, "I just. This whole bet thing has me on edge. I can't take the risk that he might somehow be involved. I need to focus on the plan I have."

"You mean destroying the mental capacity of beloved canon characters?" Linus laughed.

"Exactly."

Rory went off to make some more tea, and Linus prepared himself to be bedridden.

Michal woke up slowly, her doe-like eyes opening up to see a beautifully simplistic room. There was a golden glow to it. All around there were arches that looked out into the world of oncoming Spring.

She sat up, pulling the golden comforter over her bare breasts, she could hear the distant sounds of a dildo duel, and she was content.

Glorfindel came into the room, a loose white blouse showing a bit of his bare golden chest and he had his platinum hair braided back.

"Hello, my sweet darling," He said gently, he extended himself over the foot of the bed and under the covers, kissing Michal up her bare legs and thighs.
He hugged onto her hips and stomach, laying his head on her tummy. Michal brought the blanket down over his head, marvelling how his hair was still absolutely perfect.

"I'd stay here forever if I could." Glorfindel remarked.

"Then why don't you?" Michal asked.

Glorfindel chuckled, moving up to kiss her neck, "Then how would we ever make it to our reservations at Chez Imladris tonight?"

"I can think of something else for a main course tonight." Michal said coyly.

Glorfindel smiled, "I should like to think that as dessert, meleth-nin." He moved to get off of her to dress himself.

"Have it your way, elf. I shall suffer every moment you are away." Michal got on her stomach with a mock pout, her legs moving lazily back and forth through the air.

"Ayia, I cannot bear your suffering, Meleth-nin." Glorfindel said, he leaned down to kiss her, "I will leave you with a sweet parting then."

"It will suffice." Michal said, "Besides, I have to pretend to study for classes I don't even take. Then I have to go to my office and finish paperwork for graduation."

"Will Miss Alexander be in that group?" Glorfindel asked.

"She is the group." Michal said, "I'll hate to see her go." She sighed.

"You always say the headmasters have ulterior motives, perhaps she is no exception." Glorfindel said, he looked at Michal, "I will see you for dinner?"

"Of course." Michal said.

Glorfindel hated to leave, but he had a lecture on Balrogs to give. He left a naked Michal to her own devices and anticipated the events to transpire after their date.

Rory had been shopping in the Shire marketplace, enjoying the oncoming feel of the Spring sun on her freckled skin.
She had been checking some very large tomatoes when she felt a sickly presence behind her. She gave a small sigh and waited.

"Hello, Miss Alexander."

Rory turned and saw Voldemort, he wore a floppy black sun hat and dark sunglasses. Wormtail stood behind him with an umbrella, saving the poor complexion of the sun-sensitive Dark Lord.

"Good morning, Professor," Rory pouted when she saw her tomato shrivel up at the sight of Voldemort.

"It's an unexpected pleasure to meet you here. I didn't know you came to the marketplace at approximately 11am every Saturday." Voldemort flashed a smiled that made Rory's stomach turn.

"Right. So that was never Wormtail following me everywhere I went for a month straight," Rory looked behind Voldemort, "Hello, Peter."

"Ignore him." Voldemort said, "I was curious as to your plans this evening."

"Dare I say I'm not doing anything?" Rory asked.

Over by a fruit stall, Tarrant Hightop lowered his 'Tea Weekly' magazine. He watched Rory talk to Voldemort, who kept rubbing his clammy hands together.

"I don't like where this is going," Said Professor X, reluctant to be doing any spying since he was released from the hospital, "We should leave."

"Nonsense," King Peter said, "We need to know what she's thinking and you're the only one who can."

Charles started to cry, "I can't go back in there. The things I saw…"

"You can do this," Sirius said, "We believe in you."

Tarrant offered the distraught Professor some tea.

Painfully, the Professor searched Rory's mind again.
"She's annoyed she has to pay for the bad tomato." He said quickly.

"Anything else?" King Peter asked.

Sighing, Charles looked again, "She seems more concerned about a spider. Wait! Voldemort asked her out for dinner tonight...she...she said. Yes?"

"What?" The group collectively said.

"I don't believe this. I thought I was doing so well…" Sirius said.

"I can't look anymore. It's too painful," Professor X said, "All I got was that they were going to Chez Imladris tonight at 6:30."

Sirius thought for a moment, "We need to be there."

"Are you crazy?" King Peter asked.

"We'll tell the others. We need to see what's going on."
The group slinked away silently, leaving Rory to the Dark Lord.

To clear certain presumptions up, Rory did not in fact want to go on a date with Lord Voldemort.

There.

It will be said, however, that Voldemort himself was apprehensive about the upcoming evening. All day he had Wormtail ironing all of his black robes so that he could see which one he looked best in. He finally decided on one that had JUICY bedazzled on the back. He thought it described his…"personality"...quite well.

Rory had gotten an earful from Linus about her decision, but Rory supposedly knew what she was doing.

Whatever that meant anymore.

Rory sat at a table on the second floor of Chez Imladris. The atmosphere itself was delightful, ivy covered arches and a soothing string quartet complementing the overall ambiance.

Her peaceful silence was broken when Voldemort walked in. The entirety of 'Last Resort' played in Rory's head while Voldemort sashayed over to her table.

'Cut my life into...CUT...CUT MY LIFE...OH MY GOD...I CAN'T GO ON...CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES!' Rory's head screamed when the Dark Lord took her hand and kissed it.

She felt his eyes running over her little black dress, which she now felt she could never wear again.

"You look lovely this evening, my dear." He said, sitting down across from her.

Rory couldn't help but notice that Wormtail was in the corner wearing a shock collar. Voldemort set the clicker beside him.

"Shall we order?" He suggested.

The elven waiter was hesitant to come over, when he finally did, his hand shook while he wrote their order down.

"C-Can I start you off with drinks?" He asked.

"I'll have a chocolate milk." Voldemort said, "And she'll have…"

"I want the biggest glass of elvish wine you can legally give me. Then add a splash of Grappa. Wait. No. Just bring the bottles and I'll mix it myself." Rory said.

"Planning on getting a little frisky later are we?" Voldemort wiggled his bare brow.

Rory looked at the waiter, "Just put a straw in both of them. A really big straw. I'll pay you extra."

The waiter nodded quickly, practically running away.

Across the room, Glorfindel and Michal had sat down for their romantic date.

"Let's order drinks. Then I have to ask you something, hun-nin." Glorfindel said, asking for a bottle of champagne for the table and a Reisling for Michal.

"What sort of question?" Michal asked, looking at the appetizers.

Glorfindel cleared his throat, "We've been working together for almost two years now. And I know we only have been romantically involved for a short time…" He took her hand, "I just think that maybe we can have something more than that."

He had been stroking Michal's knuckles gently when she noticed Rory drinking from a bottle of Grappa with a bendy straw.

"That's strange…" She said, watching Rory's eyes gloss over in a stupor.

Glorfindel turned around and saw Voldemort blowing bubbles in his chocolate milk, watching Rory finished her bottle, grabbing for the elvish wine quickly after.

"Oh…" Glorfindel sigh.

"Maybe I should see if we should take her back to Lothlorien." Michal suggested.

"Aye," Glorfindel nodded, "Make sure she's alright."

"And that's why I think my mother couldn't hold on any longer." Voldemort said, sipping his chocolate milk.

Rory just stared at him absently, her mouth slightly agape. Her eyes felt like they were swimming into her head.

Michal came over just as Voldemort had gotten into his plan to take back the Wizarding World.

"Fancy seeing you here, kitten.," She said, "I realize I'm interrupting, but I was wondering if you wanted to walk back to Lothlorien with me later, Rory."

Rory just started laughing, it was loud and obnoxious, catching the attention of everyone else is the restaurant. Her face started to turn red and she put her head in her hands, her shoulders moving up and down while she laughed.
Even Voldemort stared at her in disbelief.

"Rory?" Michal said.

"Michal!" Rory held her arms out, "What are you doing here?" She asked, "Oh that's so nice." she leaned back in her chair.

Watching this transpire, Professor X, Sirius Black, Wolverine, Jefferson, King Peter, and King Edmund had their mouths agape.

"She's broken." Tarrant popped out from under the table.

"I think he's right," King Edmund said, "Oh. OH!"

They watched Rory fall backwards in her chair, she fell onto the floor laughing even harder. Michal tried helping her up but each time she tried Rory would be laughing so hard she would fall over again.

"Should we do something?" Peter asked.

At that moment, Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir, and Eomer walked into the restaurant. The other group hid themselves behind their menu.

Boromir had been talking to Aragorn about the fangirls earlier that day that tried to see him in the shower when he looked up and saw Rory falling over herself and laughing. Michal looked irritated that Voldemort was taking pictures when Rory's dress started to fall past her nipples.

Boromir ran over to help.

"What are you doing here?" Michal snapped at him.

"Helping." He shot back, holding a hysterical Rory up over his shoulder.

As soon as Voldemort saw Boromir, he slipped away. Wormtail could been seen in the background getting shocked by his collar. He ran wildly, jumping each time his master pushed the button.

"I'll take her home." Boromir said to Michal, who just glared at him.

"I don't trust you."

"Still?"

"Absolutely not."

Boromir sighed, "I'm just going to take her home and make sure she doesn't throw up on herself." He said, trying to ignore Rory playing with his goatee.

"Nice puppy." She whispered to herself.

"I still think I should take her." Michal insisted.

"I have it under control," Boromir lifted Rory back up, "I promise she'll be fine."

"I'll check on her later." Michal told him, "I will know."

Boromir led Rory outside, with great difficulty he walked with her to Lothlorien from Rivendell. Every so often he would have to stop because Rory was laughing too hard at something she saw. At one point she saw a dildo that had been left by Dumbledore and they sat for 20 minutes while she pointed and laughed. They stopped again when they came into Lothlorien.

"Your eyes are so pretty." Rory giggled, "Do you think your eyes would maybe give mine tips on how to be that pretty?"

Boromir's eyes shone with mirth "You have very beautiful eyes, Rory. If anything your eyes should be giving beauty tips to my eyes."

"I don't believe you." Rory pouted, "Maybe I'll ask Sirius. He hates me though."

"No one hates you."

"So you think," Rory held onto Boromirs shoulder, "You don't hate me, do you?"

"How could I?" Boromir asked.

"Easily." She sighed, "Especially for the way I treated you the other night."

"I don't think it's that easy to hate you."

"Lies."

They walked up the stairs to get to Rory's room, she tried stifling her giggles long enough to get to the top.

"What's so funny?" Boromir finally asked, clearly amused.

"I was going to ask you something but I realized it would sound so ridiculous." Rory laughed.

"Try me."

Rory leaned back into her door, biting her bottom lip, "Do you have naughty thoughts, Professor? About me?"

Boromir chuckled nervously, "Why would you ask that?"

"Because I see the way you look at me." She laughed, "I can't help but wonder the same thing at times."

"You're drunk, Miss Alexander." Boromir pointed out.

Rory sighed, "A little."

"A lot."

Rory pouted, and Boromir found himself wanting to bite her bottom lip. He pushed the thought away as best as he could. Rory pulled him closer to her, Boromir could smell the honeyed wine on her mixing with her sweet perfume.

"Make love to me." Rory whispered.

Boromir hesitated, "I can't, darling."

"You want to?"

"Very much."

"Then it shouldn't be a problem."

"You're very drunk," Boromir said, "Perhaps another time?"

"Well you're here now. Many men and women at this school would kill me for a chance at this." Rory said.

"That's a shame then."

"Kiss me at least." Rory begged.

He looked at her beautiful lips, thinking it would be a shame for him to smear the plum lipstick. He wondered if she tasted just as sweet as one. Then he thought about the marks he'd make on her milky white neck...

"You won't remember it." He said quietly.

"Not if you don't do it right." Rory pulled him down to meet her lips.

They didn't touch at first, it was the moment of anticipation before the ultimate act of kissing. It was the waiting that made him sweat, then he worried he might not be good enough.

Rory gave him a light kiss, just barely touching his lips.
It's this that gave Boromir the urge he needed to hold the back of her head and take her in fully. He felt as if the world was at a standstill, and they were the only two people left.

Their kissing became quicker, bolder, and Rory started to playfully nip at his bottom lip.

Boromir moved down to kiss her neck, leaving traces of her lipstick all over.

When Rory moaned, he pulled back from her.

"Don't leave." She begged.

"We can't do anything."

"Why?" Rory whispered.

"You know why." Boromir sighed.

He opened her door, helping her stumble inside.

Linus perked up from his pillow, "What is this fuckery?"

"Linus!" Rory said happily, going over to place a drunken kiss on her friends head.

"You smell like a winery." Linus crossed four of his arms.

"She was just getting to bed." Boromir said.

"Must I?" Rory pouted.

"I'm afraid so, darling."

Rory sighed, taking her curly hair out of it's bun and letting it fall down over her shoulders. She started to pull down her dress past her breasts.

Both Linus and Boromir looked away when it fell down to the ground.

"You can leave now, Professor." Linus screeched.

"Yes," Boromir blushed, "Have a good night." He awkwardly reached for the door, almost slamming it on his fingers.

Linus looked away from Rory, "Put your pajamas on, my dear." He begged.

"It's my room." Rory demanded, she fell over onto her bed, pulling her blanket haphazardly over her mostly naked body, "I can do wha-"

Linus waited for her to finish what she was saying, but when he turned around he saw she had fallen asleep, her head not even on her pillow and halfway hanging over the edge of the bed.

"Holy Shelob." Linus said to himself, shaking his tiny spider head.

Not long after Boromir had left, Michal had come in to check on Rory. After Linus talked her down as to the real reason why Rory was very much naked, Michal left in a slight huff. She met Glorfindel back in their room in Rivendell.

"How is she?" Glorfindel asked.

"Asleep. I'll stop by her place with a beer. She's going to have a Hell of a hangover." Michal exclaimed, falling onto the bed, "That woman will kill me someday."

Glorfindel laid down next to her, "Will you be alright, my flower?"

Michal looked at him and smiled, "With you? Yes." She kissed him sweetly, patting his perfect cheek lightly.
"What was it that you were going to ask me?" Michal asked.

Glorfindel hesitated, "Nothing, Meleth."