It was a strange arrangement. While Mrs. Pettigrew and I did not speak of it, we had grown into a new routine of our own. As the pregnancy progressed into something that made me homebound (more ailments confined me to bed), she was there to pick up the mantle and leave me control all at once. With Larry on her side, Mrs. Pettigrew helped us around the house with an ease I had never seen in a woman before. She was also in charge of my progress, making sure I was eating, medicating and resting. I never had better care.

While I wasn't coherent for long periods of time and was often sleeping, I still managed to run a household without rushing around myself. Oddly enough, it was Mrs. Pettigrew who made me understand what was going on by running over the shopping, cleaning and other chores. It was through her prodding that everything was in order and I was still resting in bed without the overwhelming feeling of being a daughter, mother and wife. She even made me feel like I was still a decent parent and found ways for me to spend time with Shannon.

We never talked of the past again. It had been erased and all had been forgiven. The day in the doorway marked a new beginning and one that we didn't see coming either. I saw it in her eyes and she saw mine too. She didn't expect me to be so receptive of her love. She picked up the pieces and gathered them together, glued to a new picture. It was the best that any war nurse could do.

By the last weeks of April, when the windows were opened and warm air came from the ocean, there was better news. Without my knowledge, Hawkeye and his Dad decided that there should be a 4077th reunion still and began working with Colonel Potter and Radar some more since my bedrest didn't allow me to plan. Letters and calls had flown to and from the house in between Mrs. Pettigrew's madness. Pretty quickly, more and more people flocked to the idea of seeing each other again and socializing postwar. The heat was literally on!

Daniel and Hawkeye sat with me one evening to tell me the news over cards. It was our new evening custom, if I was well enough and Mrs. Pettigrew said I was strong enough. After Shannon went to bed, the three of us would sit on the bed and play a game of cards. We took turns naming the game. Mostly, we played poker with chips (with Hawkeye moaning that I was not there to strip anymore). Sometimes, when the nights were long and none of us could sleep (which was very rare), we played spades or war.

This night, Hawkeye began dealing for spades. He brought in a few bottles of scotch that he and Daniel split. I had a glass of red wine. I hardly touched it though because something else caught my attention. I noted that Hawkeye was antsy. He was anxious to tell me something and the room grew into excitement. I didn't ask him how and why. I waited as patiently as I could. Eventually, as the game progressed and I grew tired with each hand, he mentioned something about company.

"How many people?" I asked gently. I wanted to be prepared.

Daniel cleared his throat and put down a card. "Well, people will be coming in and out for maybe a month or so. You know this."

This interested me. "Is this some party the neighbors are having?"

"No, we are," Hawkeye clarified. "Remember? The reunion?"

I was a tad surprised. I thought I recalled something about a reunion. "What? Who the hell is coming?"

Hawkeye tried to keep the smile from his face, but failed as his lips drew a wide line. "Most of the camp is coming. We're having the 4077th reunion here this year. Don't you remember?"

I was so happy about the reality of the situation that I couldn't speak. I looked at Daniel and then Hawkeye, alternating between the two of them to confirm this event. When neither denied it and that all of our planning was set in stone and the scheming came to a million things, I squealed. I put my hands to my mouth to suppress a loud laugh. I didn't want to wake Shannon up.

"When again?" I knew my father-in-law said it was lasting a month, but not the dates.

"May into June is still the agreed-upon dates," Daniel answered. "That'll give plenty of time for everybody to see each other."

Already, everybody was making plans. The usual gang managed to keep the same dates open, but there were a couple of problems I didn't want to voice yet. It's not just people who hated each other. It's the things we did in Korea. Camp drama and inane activities were entertaining when there was nothing to do. Take me and Hawkeye, for example. He'd think it was a complete afternoon if he sat and drank while I hung out my underwear to dry. Or I would find it hilarious that he'd instigate a fight between Charles and BJ and sit back to watch the action.

Was this to be our antics in civilian life too? Were we to forever be indebted to the childish ways we kept ourselves sane? Or was life to be one endless glow, from one position of power to another?

I kept the thoughts to myself and continued the game without showing my doubts. Those tired me out. Although enthused, I wasn't one for keeping up late hours and asked for an early bedtime. By the time the first round of cards ended, I was nodding off anyway. My wine was finished and both companions were on their third bottle of scotch. It was bedtime for all of us.

Hawkeye cleaned up, shooed his Dad out and curled up behind me. After the lights went out, he was a mess, albeit in a positive way. He was tossing and turning and mumbling about something. He named Trapper and Frank a few times. Oddly enough, it wasn't an OR session, or else he would have been yelling. It seemed that he was either caught in the moment of fun or was somehow pranking Frank with Trapper. It was a good dream.

But it didn't allow me to rest, despite the deep fatigue. Indeed, I was fidgety. For weeks now, I was sick and stuck in bed. I knew what was going on in the household and why and, while infuriating that I can't do it myself, was trustful that everything was running smoothly. Something was missing though…and my cravings told me all the rest. Nobody was going to indulge them except for me.

I heaved myself out of bed. It was difficult. The baby was so heavy now and I couldn't imagine another two months of growth remained, it was so sore. I was also so unused to movement that I almost fell. I felt protests of pain elsewhere, but I ignored it. The kitchen was my destination. I sure as hell was going to get there and scoop out a bowl of ice cream.

I don't know how I managed to get downstairs by myself. It was a slow and steady progress with a lot of leaning and near misses. Resting against a counter for a respite was the reward for my perseverance. It took me a few minutes to catch my breath, but when I managed to, I felt so proud of myself. It had taken me so much to walk downstairs. It was an accomplishment that I was willing to bask in as I ate some ice cream.

I pulled out the necessary utensils and a bowl and began the assault on the refrigerator. I acted as normally as I could, especially when I heard two sets of urgent footsteps racing to the kitchen. When I pulled myself out of the cold, I turned to see Daniel and Hawkeye in the doorway, looking at me. They were shocked and trying to catch their own breath. Hawkeye especially was upset, but he kept it as lowkey as he could.

I put the ice cream to soften on the counter and met them calmly. "What?"

"We thought you –" Hawkeye began in a rush.

Daniel interrupted him with a gentle hand to Hawkeye's shoulder. He was also pretty dismayed to see me up. "We thought you needed some help."

"No," I replied softly. I smiled and almost laughed to see their dismay. "I was hungry. I wanted some ice cream."

"You were…hungry?" Hawkeye asked me. He came forward and took my hands into his. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am hungry. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. No, no, no!" Hawkeye let go of me and turned to his Dad. "Did you hear that? She's hungry!" He laughed like a madman and danced around the kitchen.

Tired, Daniel had to lead Hawkeye out. He shook his head as he mumbled about his son's lunacy. Once Hawkeye was on his own and upstairs in bed, Daniel called out that he'll be in the living room if I needed some help getting back to bed. He wasn't sleeping tonight.

"I'll be all right," I reassured my father-in-law. "I'm not sleeping either."

Something was keeping me up. The baby was bouncing nonstop and kicking hard and that was a huge factor for the insomnia. But there was something else too and I couldn't name it, so I dismissed the notion. When the ice cream was soft enough to scoop into a bowl, I started portioning my midnight snack. As I did, something caught my eye. I thought that Daniel had reentered the kitchen and was watching me because the shadow was a person. When I glanced up to say something to him, I saw nothing.

Huh? It was strange.

I concentrated again on my task, ignoring the feeling that somebody was watching me intently. When I was finished, I put the dessert away and turned around to see the same thing again. It disappeared as fast as it came though. It was almost like it went from the kitchen through the wall to the back porch.

I felt my heart in my throat. My sleepless mind was either playing tricks on me or I was hallucinating something. There was another explanation, but I wasn't ready to face it yet. I had seen so much that was supernatural and unusual that I wasn't sure what to believe. As a practical nurse and a san human being (I hoped), I had to brush it aside. I was pregnant and sick. There were going to be things that will catch my fancy and I was too emotional, to boot.

It was best to just eat and enjoy. Whatever I saw wasn't threatening. It was concerning. Until I found out what it was, it wasn't of any use to dwell on it.

I settled in the living room with Daniel. He was reading a newspaper and grumping here and there about the politics. I ignored him and scrapped as much as I could of the dairy, going as far as licking the edges of the bowl like a fool. When I was finished, he got up and put everything in the sink for me, saying that I shouldn't be cleaning. When he returned, he appeared strange.

"Well, doesn't it look like you've seen a ghost?" I joked. "You don't have to work today, do you?"

"No, not today," he replied carefully as he sat down. "Mrs. Pettigrew can stay home."

I scooted closer. "Is something wrong?"

Daniel had a take a minute to think about his answer. When he spoke, I knew that he felt ridiculous doing so. "Jeanie, do you believe in the afterlife?"

I laughed. "I think people believe what they may. We don't know what happens after death. We all have an idea and religions preach what we face if we don't do certain things. Why?"

My father-in-law nodded. "Sometimes, it feels like we have more company in the house than the living, is all."

There was that feeling again – terror of the unknown. I put my hand to my throat to still the rapid beating. I wasn't the only one attuned to the shadows. Daniel had seen them too.

"When you see so much death, you get used to walking past bodies without throwing up," he continued. "Even then, you're still haunted by what you've seen. I've had to watch my wife and daughter die, right here in this house. I was too powerless to save them."

Daniel choked up. He kept himself in check and took a deep breath. I reached for his hand and took it with a weak grip. He returned it, but it was as lax as mine.

"I know." I had so much empathy for him, but I kept my grief to myself. It was best to bask in his dark night this time.

"I thought I was going to lose Hawkeye too," Daniel added. No trace of grief lined his voice now. "He barely survived. He was very lucky. He used to joke around that I was picking up on the housework more and more often while his mother remained in bed. But that's how he always looked at life, especially since they died. Everything is one joke after another."

We remained quiet. It was a hard to follow up with this revelation. Hawkeye never talked much about that time because of how painful it is. Daniel had revealed a side to me that he never showed too many others. It also revealed so much more. He too had to remain strong. When everything else was chaos, he had to show that he alone stood calm amongst it.

He was as lost as I am. My father-in-law chose to hang onto those around him that drifted afloat in the ocean too. It was a way for him and many others to survive.

"I hope you all understand that whatever is out there, it cannot hurt you more than what you've experienced," Daniel finally said. The silence seemed deafening to him that he had to talk. "I also hope that you all know that it'll pass. You'll see."

I let go of Daniel's hand as he got up. He concluded that he wanted to take a short walk alone. He knew that I wasn't going to join him and told me that he'll make coffee and breakfast when he returned and I was welcome to it if I was well enough. He grabbed his coat from the closet and walked out into the dawn. When I heard him cry out suddenly, I pushed myself off of the couch and waddled outside as quickly as I could.

It was the first time in some weeks that I stepped outside. Without cover of my own the cold air was crushing. I blinked as the rising sun painted my face and tried locating Daniel. I saw him hunched over the railing on the left. He kept staring at some plant. His mouth was open in shock, worse than Hawkeye seeing me in the kitchen some hours ago.

I inched closer and saw what he was upset about. It was the mountain laurel bush. Hawkeye told me that it stopped blooming flowers the year his mother and sister died. I peeked over the railing with Daniel, thinking it was destroyed, and that I would have to comfort my father-in-law in the loss.

No. No. The bush had bloomed. A small bunch of white and pink flowers waved as a light dawn breeze passed by.

The two of us gazed at the miracle for a few minutes. It was almost like we were both lost in time. I almost imagined a little girl, maybe similar to my daughter, but dismissed it as imagination when reality set in. It was only a scrub. It was bound to flower again. This year just happened to be a coincidence.

That was what I kept telling myself. However, in my heart, I knew it was wrong. This wasn't just a coincidence. It was life coming back when there was so much death.

"I guess somebody is trying to tell us something," Daniel finally said. His mouth worked out a crooked grin that was so awkward that I thought he was trying not to break down.

"Maybe," I replied carefully. I didn't want to invoke anything supernatural or insist something out of this world happened. "Maybe this year, something good will happen. We'll see…"

~00~

After seeing the mountain laurel bloom, I was not keen on jumping out of my bed anytime soon. Seeing ghosts outside of Korea – shadows and otherwise – also unnerved me. The excursion had tired me out so much that I wasn't willing to leave my room for anything physical or mental except for emergencies. I was leaving everything in the capable hands of my family and Mrs. Pettigrew. I could not afford to dwell on the complicated matters anymore.

However, one incident that wasn't a crisis forced me to come downstairs. It was a couple of weeks after the occurrence outside. May had arrived. While the ocean was still too cold to swim in, the warmness of spring beckoned. The sunshine also brought Shannon outside. She'd beg Mrs. Pettigrew, Daniel and then me and Hawkeye to run in the sand anytime she could get away with it.

Eventually, when she exhausted her efforts, Shannon surprised me. One evening, she came upstairs to the bedroom with Daniel and Hawkeye. She stood before them, caught up in their excitement as they struggled to keep a secret. Both of them wore grins on their faces and hid their hands behind their backs. Something definitely conspired and the two worked together. I knew it.

I was attempting to read another novel. I put the tome down and met their gazes. "Yes?"

"I was hoping you'd come downstairs," Hawkeye plainly said.

"Why? Is there something you need me to do?"

"Not exactly, but I'd love to see my lovely wife adorn a –"

"We've got a present for you," Daniel interrupted. "It's downstairs."

I sighed, exasperated. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Never fear, Superman is here," Hawkeye jumped in. He rushed to my side of the bed and was pulling me out in protest. He also wasn't so gentle.

I continued my complaints vigorously, even when Hawkeye got me to the living room and stood me in the middle, demanding me to close my eyes. I expected him to bring me somewhere else. I was confused when he didn't and obliged his silly request. In the background, I heard my daughter giggling behind me and Daniel dragging something across the floor nearby. From what I heard, it was pretty bulky for him to carry on his own.

"Ok, open your eyes," Hawkeye ordered.

What I saw almost took my breath away. The pair had gotten me a rocking chair. Daniel situated it between the fireplace and the front window. He even put an ottoman in front of it for my feet.

Hawkeye read my nonverbal words and held me closer, accepting the thanks from my stilled lips. He seemed relieved that I was happy. But when he decided to place me in my new spot, he made sure I was comfortable, fussing over pillows behind my back and how my legs were positioned. Eventually, I barked at him to stop and to let me settle down on my own. I even threw the pillows at his head in frustration.

Shannon watched the action from the stairs and waited until I was relaxed before crawling into my lap. At first, it was difficult. She was so heavy. Having the baby between us complicated many things as well, least of which was room. But Shannon found a way to curl right into me. Her arms wrapped around my stomach and her head rested just so, between the arm of the chair and my left side.

"Mommy and baby," she said. She sounded so tired an ready for a nap. "Mommy and baby."

While my world grew smaller and focused on two children, the one outside the bubble was drawing in. Daniel found a camera and was taking pictures of the scene. Hawkeye stood to one side, pleased that something good came out of this. I ignored them. My greatest treasures were my children and I sure as hell was going to enjoy it as much as I could.

A song stuck itself in my head as I closed my eyes to sleep. It was from memories so misty and long ago that I thought I forgot them. A voice sounded in my head. It was my own mother, singing me and Dean a lullaby when we were small. It was before the divorce and madness that followed in the wake of their selfishness. It most certainly was before the terror of my teenaged and Army years.

Sway, back and forth,
Sweet dreams come to you,
Keeping you company this night…