"You know what William Tecumseh Sherman's going to do now? He's going to go out onto the battlefield and check out his new artillery piece. He's going to read the letter from President Lincoln and think of all the people who admire him. But you wouldn't know anything about that. You're one of those secessionist dudes, always moping about what a cruel country the United States is, making a big deal about it so people won't notice that you're a loser." With that, the Union general stormed out of the meeting with his Confederate counterparts, Generals William Barksdale and James Longstreet.

"I don't think he likes you," Longstreet commented to Barksdale.

"That doesn't bother me," Barksdale replied. "What bothers me is that jerk is going to be treated like a hero for the rest of his life."

"Well, maybe he won't live that long," Longstreet comforted.

"Come on. You know wishes don't come true."

Suddenly, there was a great roar from outside, and excited shouts and screams could be heard.

"Oh my God! The artillery piece misfired! General Sherman's dead! He's dead!"

Barksdale and Longstreet could do nothing but stare at each other, numb with shock.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was thinking of Tommy Sherman, and William Tecumseh Sherman, and I wondered if there were any appropriate stand-ins for Daria and Jane from the wealth of generals that participated in the Civil War. Five minutes' research on Wikipedia confirmed there were, so I jotted this out.