The Last Full Measure

The next few days were the strangest I had ever known simply because my only goal was to survive them. I moved through the hours in a kind of daze. Not until much later did I find out that not only was Aslan by my side, one of my sisters was constantly with me even though there was little they could do to help and for the most part I was unaware of their presence. I could barely eat for the nausea gripping me. When I was awake Susan read to me from the books of law or Lucy told me stories. Anything to keep me from thinking the Deplorable Word, though I really was too exhausted to understand a word they said. When I slept the nightmare that was the Empress Jadis swept down and dragged me off to relive every moment I'd spent with her or scenes from her awful past.

Every night at midnight, the deathless spell tried once again to fulfill its function and kill me.

And every night Lucy thwarted the White Witch's plans and prolonged the spell another day.

I needed Peter more desperately than ever. We all did. I suspected he needed us just as badly. In my mind I prayed to Aslan to grant Oreius the speed of a Unicorn, even though the Lion himself sat beside me all the day. I was too tired to voice my longing properly, and so I let my emotions speak for me. I think he understood, and I think my prayer was granted.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"And how is our little king?"

I was gagged and bound hand and foot to a bloody tree that had to be the lumpiest hunk of wood in all of Narnia. Ginarrbrik must have chosen it for that soul reason. What on earth kind of question was that? Lion's mane, why did I have to sleep? Better yet, why did she have to be here every time I closed my eyes? The dreams were so much more real than waking, and I was so much more alert here than when I was awake. It was galling.

She slowly circled the tree, making it a point to constantly touch me, to drag her fingers along my arms or caress my throat and face just because she knew I hated it. I would have twisted away but there was nowhere to go. Her hands were clammy and unclean and the feel put me in mind of walking through cobwebs.

"So...have you been enjoying my memories? My sister? Aslan? My castle? The dungeon?" she added with a small laugh.

Not hardly, I thought, not only mute but gagged in this rotten dream.

"So now you alone in all of creation know the Deplorable Word. Does that not thrill you, my dear Edmund?"

Aslan! Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

You're all she has left, my own voice echoed in my thoughts.

My look must have said all, because she slapped me soundly across the face, then gripped me by the hair. It didn't seem fair that I could feel pain and think clearly and understand in a dream but not speak.

"We'll look at it as my little gift to you," she mocked sweetly. "Gifts were given to your siblings, I know, and I wouldn't want you to feel left out of their cozy little circle. You did take the power away from me, after all. I'm just making sure you keep it forever."

She traced my cheek with an icy finger. "You see, little king, once you know some things you can never unknow them. Knowledge of such power lingers on and on and does not fade. You may very well live long enough to break my spell, but the Deplorable Word will always be with you. Just think, some day you may be tempted to try it out. It works here without ceremony or sacrifice. All it needs is desire...or need. Perhaps in battle, to save your precious brother. Perhaps to save your sisters. Perhaps simply to save the day. Just one word dwelling in your memory. You'll always know it, and wonder...dare I use this power? Can I use it for good?"

She released me and I looked away defiantly. As if using the Word wouldn't flatten me as effectively as everyone who heard it. I'd be wiping out my own forces. Did she think I was a complete idiot? She laughed, her hand wandering down to my exposed neck. Despite all my efforts at self-control I shuddered. There were memories of my time with her that I wanted to forget as desperately as I wanted to forget the Deplorable Word, memories of her touch, the icy feel of her, her laughter at my helplessness and terror...

"There are other things you'll never unknow, darling Edmund, much as you might wish to forget. You may banish me from your body, but you cannot banish your thoughts." She laughed at me again. "Always remember me, dear child, and everything you experienced in my presence. Narnia may be out of my grip, but come what may you will be mine forever."

No. I refused. I had lived through too much to succumb to her taunts. I belonged to myself and my family and Narnia. I belonged to Aslan.

"Why don't I say the word for you again, just to make certain you know it?" Once again she leaned in close to my ear, her breath cold on my neck. "You always were the weakest of your family. You know that, don't you? This will just make you powerful. You wanted power, didn't you?"

Once upon a time, perhaps.

Then she whispered the first syllable of the Deplorable Word in my ear.

Instinctively, unwillingly, my thoughts finished the sound.

It didn't kill me, but part of me wished it would.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

I woke up to the sound of a wounded animal, horrible and pained, only to realize I was the one making those tortured moans.

"Oh, Edmund..."

I could barely hear. I felt heat on the side of my face and a damp cloth dabbing at my neck. Just thinking the Deplorable Word made my ear bleed. My head hurt so much I barely noticed. I realized a moment later I was on Susan's lap and I would get blood on her gown. I tried to move but she held me in place with embarrassing ease.

"Lie still," she ordered.

I grumbled something but obeyed. Finally I looked up at her. "I don't ever want to fall asleep again, Su."

She smiled faintly, wiping my jaw clean of blood. "I'll see what I can do."

My own, low voice sounded hollow to my aching ears. "I can't take this much longer."

"You won't have to," she promised.

"Did Aslan leave?"

"The moment Manon arrived." Her voice was full of hope. Manon, one of the Gryphon scouts, had come rushing to Cair Paravel with word that Cyn had located Peter and Phillip, and Oreius was heading into the Western Wild to find them and bring them back to Narnia. Susan had wept with joy, Lucy had jumped and shouted, and they both raced to Lion Chapel to say a prayer of thanks. I just woke up long enough to grunt before dropping back asleep, an unavoidable and unfortunate mistake on my part since it brought me to my present condition.

"Is it still today?" My sense of time was long gone. I had absolutely no idea of what day or time it was unless it was the stroke of midnight. I hadn't stepped past these few rooms for what seemed like ages. This had been the worst week of my entire life, one torturous blur of pain, nightmares, and blood.

"It's always today, Ed. But yes, Aslan left this morning. Come on. It's almost time for tea and we're taking it early today. Can you eat something?"

"No," I said, "but I'll keep you and Lucy company."

She didn't press me and I was grateful. She just bundled me in blankets and set me near by the fire and gave me ginger tea to settle my stomach. I could only submit, lacking the will and the energy to growl at her fussing over me. My little sister was so animated and bubbly that I couldn't help but smile as she told me all over again about Manon's arrival. I wanted to hear it. She could have repeated herself a thousand times and the impact of her words would be just as welcome with each retelling.

"...Cyn reported he spotted them last night, about twenty miles outside of the Western March. Phillip whinnied over and over again to get his attention and he said Peter was thin and pale and hurt, just like you said he was, Edmund..."

And on and on all through tea. I noticed Lucy was adding more details to the report until it had gone from a few, bare-boned, matter-of-fact sentences to a veritable epic poem. Later on, sitting in the bedroom I shared with my brother, I tried to sort through the emotions gripping me. Perhaps today, tomorrow at the latest, Peter would be back in Narnia. Had he brought the apple? He must have. Peter Pevensie would not have returned otherwise. More importantly, though, I would have my brother back. My every longing would be fulfilled and I would be free.

Narnia may be out of my grip, but come what may you will be mine forever.

At least, I prayed I would be free. Even so, Peter was back. I tried to think of what I would say to him and I came up with a complete blank, sitting on the edge of the bed and smiling in speechless delight. I was still smiling when Lucy opened the door and peeked in.

"How do you feel?"

"Horrid. How do you feel, old girl?"

With a laugh she climbed atop the bed beside me. "Excited. Oreius will protect him, Edmund," she said, guessing at my thoughts. "Nothing more can happen to him. He may even be back in Narnia by now!"

"I know." I lay down across the bed and pillowed my head on my arm. "Tell it to me again, Lu."

She smiled with gleeful anticipation. I wanted to hear her version of the news and she wanted to tell it. She pulled the covers over me and tucked me in before lying against me, small and warm and pretty.

"Well, Susan and I were sitting in our history class with Cheroom. We were learning about the founding of Anvard when two of the Cat pages and a Hummingbird came rushing into the room unannounced..."