Well, shit, I did it. Also, technically, two chapters inside of 24 hours. That's pretty sweet. Hope you all enjoy!

Review response time!

1. Aaeru: Cliffhangers are love, cliffhangers are life. Cliffhangers may be the reason I'm going to hell. As far as the fight scenes: it's honestly a reflex to keep the story moving and not get caught up in one fight for several chapters, e.g. the final battle in Kiri whereas I glossed over most of the fighting during the rebellion in favor of that big chunk of fluff.

2. BoB teh Snail: For now, at least, Itachi is safe, as you'll see in this chapter. I can't speak about the future. He is my favorite character in the series, though. He might survive. Who knows?

3. Lord Bedhead: No, it's not everybody's favorite Good Boy (TM), but...well, you'll see. The plot I'm threading through may take a little while to come to fruition, but fear not! When seeds are planted, they will grow.

4. animeficfan: I know, right? Itachi is the ninja. Hell, Obito straight-up says, "Itachi could have killed me," in canon. I really enjoy the posthumous reveal for all of his actions, and the trope of, "this pacifist is arguably the deadliest man on earth."

Thanks for all your support! Here's chapter 21!

Let's get this trainwreck moving.

"What did you see?" Pein asked.

Four figures stood alone in a room, the rain outside pouring down. Walls of cold metal surrounded them; this was Amegakure, the base of Akatsuki's operations. Pein, in his Deva Path, stood with Konan at his side. Opposite the two of them were a pair of masked ninja; a man with only the right eye revealed, and a woman with holes cut for both eyes.

Pein looked into those eyes, and saw three Sharingan. While he held full confidence in his abilities with the Rinnegan, as well as his Rikudo Pein, these two always set him on edge for a very specific reason: He knew the man was stronger than any one, two, or even four of his Paths.

There was also the fact that Itachi had slaughtered his entire clan in a single night, aside from his brother, and yet two ninja with the Uchiha clan's signature Dojutsu were right in front of him.

"He was praying. To what, to whom, I don't know. All the same, he was praying." The woman stated.

The masked ninja directly in front of Pein went by the name of Tobi; it was not Tobi who Pein had been addressing. His associate, who Pein presumed to be his child, was Maya. While Tobi's mask was an orange swirl, like an off-center Uzumaki crest, Maya's was the traditional red-and-white of the Uchiha, and Pein almost would have thought it represented a sunrise over snow.

Her dark hair fell well past her shoulders, to the small of her back, but that was hardly a clue to her identity. Dye was easy to come by, and just as easy to apply. Her natural hair could have been any hue, and merely changed for the sake of inconspicuousness. Yet, nothing else but her pale skin gave any hint to who she might have been. It was mildly frustrating to the man who proclaimed himself a god.

"Did he sense you?" Tobi asked.

"Not a chance. Still...something seems off. Displays like that aren't something he's prone to, particularly in the last six years." She said, referring to the Uchiha Massacre. "He's always been a little more self-controlled than that."

"And what did you see of the battle?"

"Hidan was getting beaten, badly. Not that we could expect much better of him, overconfident as he is. Kisame is a relatively even match for the Hachibi, and Kakuzu for the Sanbi. Kakuzu will be upset, though, since he lost his Lightning Heart."

"And the Kyuubi?" Pein asked.

"Itachi demolished him with pure Taijutsu after casting the Tsukuyomi."

"He survived the Tsukuyomi enough to continue fighting, let alone with his mind intact?" Tobi asked.

Most people would be killed or sent into a coma. Even then, those who woke from it would suffer psychological damage until they died. All four of the ninja present in their meeting had seen Itachi use it.

"I was surprised as well. It seems the Kyuubi is more resilient than its brethren."

"That will be all, Maya." Pein said. "You may leave us."

She nodded, vanishing in a Kamui.

"We'll hold back on gauging the other Jinchuriki's powers, and resume waiting for the next two years." Tobi said. "Raise our prices a little, so that we're not completely offset by the money we've raised before now, but still well under the competitive rate. Kakuzu will like that."

And of course, if Kakuzu liked something, Hidan didn't. Nobody was particularly fond of the Jashin priest, given his foul mouth and bad attitude towards everyone in their organization, so they were perfectly fine with playing favorites to the rogue Taki-nin.

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough for you to have noticed me, obviously, Itachi-kun." Maya said.

"Don't call me that." The look in his eyes was a warning. "Only one girl was ever allowed to, and she's dead. I killed her myself."

"Yes, yes, Itachi-kun, we all know your sob story."

"Last chance before I kill another Sharingan-user."

"Okay! Sorry! Maya will be a good girl! Please don't kill me!"

She was overdoing it on purpose, just like Tobi.

"Why do you do it?" He asked. "The mask, the antics, the...everything. I can't figure it out."

He could figure it out, and there were only two explanations: either he'd passed over someone during the massacre, or she was actually Tobi's daughter. Neither of those options made sense, however. Tobi didn't look like he could be much older than thirty, and Maya had proclaimed herself to be older than Itachi when they met. According to her, she was twenty-one, and he was eighteen.

Itachi knew for a fact that no nine-year-old boy had ever sired a child.

"I do it because...well, because I don't want people to know who I am! Especially you, Itachi-kun. I want you to get so eaten up by the curiosity that you can't help ripping off my mask! Oh, and then we can fall in love, and kiss, and you can throw me onto a bed and make me scream your name, and..." Maya collapsed into a giggling fit. "Itachi-sama, what can your lovely Maya do for you?"

The last sentence was said in a mock-sweet tone, but Itachi sat through it in silence.

"You're no fun to tease." She said, huffing out an exaggerated sigh.

"Thank you. I take pride in that."

"Now...I watched your battle. Why did you let them go?"

Before she could blink, she'd been tackled and Itachi held a kunai to her throat.

"Don't worry. I won't tell Tobi."

Without warning, she drew him into her Kamui dimension. Unlike the Tsukuyomi, which was a mind-damaging Genjutsu, the Kamui technique was a space-time Kinjutsu that was similarly unique to the wielders of the Mangekyou Sharingan.

"Say whatever it is you want to say, in here, Itachi-kun."

"I don't trust Tobi. Or you, for that matter."

"We're all S-ranked criminals, Itachi-kun. Trust is something to give to friends and loved ones, not work associates. For what it's worth, though, I trust you."

Given what she'd preceded the claim with, that was pure lunacy.

"Do you, now?"

"I trust you to do what's right for our home, just like you always have. That night, Tobi saved my life...I forgave you a long time ago. I love you too much to hate you."

So he'd been right, then. He hadn't missed anybody in the massacre.

"Then..."

"Will you trust me now, Itachi-kun?" She unclipped her mask, and Itachi sank to his knees as it fell from her face.

That was all the response she needed.

"Who were they?" Jiraiya asked.

"A Genin team, and their Jounin-sensei." E said, bowing his head in their memory. "Good kids...and a terrible fate. I'd sent them on a C-rank mission to Ame no Kuni a month ago, and they were supposed to have come back last week. When they didn't return, I just thought they'd been waylaid for a few days because the mission went poorly. I didn't think they'd been killed, or that they could be used like this."

At those words, Naruto thought back to his first C-rank mission, to Nami no Kuni. The first ninja he'd killed was one of the Demon Brothers; Sasuke had taken the other one. Sakura hung back, protecting Tazuna while Kakashi watched from afar. He remembered his first fight, with Zabuza...and then, the battle on the bridge, where Haku had left Sasuke comatose and Naruto had nearly killed the ice-wielding ninja in revenge. Gato's betrayal of his shinobi henchmen, immediately followed by Naruto's slaughter of the low-level mercenaries he'd hired.

Zabuza's parting words, after the bridge had finished being built: "We'll meet again, gaki. Count on it."

That had been a good mission.

"Naruto! Naruto, snap out of it, are you okay?" Tayuya shook him by his shoulder, rousing him from his reverie.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Nothing's hurt but my pride, honestly."

To be fair, his ego had taken an enormous blow. Shouldn't having both halves of the Kyuubi inside of him make him stronger than he'd been before? He didn't understand it. Maybe that was the real difference between a natural-born talent and someone who'd worked to earn their strength. For all that Itachi had played nice inside of the Tsukuyomi, his attacks upon their return had been monstrously powerful. Just using one of the three cornerstones of ninja training, Taijutsu, Itachi had turned Naruto into his personal punching bag and pincushion.

He hadn't enjoyed the sensation, though his newly improved healing factor allowed him to regenerate the damage without scars.

"Are you sure, piss-brain? I mean..."

Nobody had ever beaten him that thoroughly. Not Kirabi, not Yagura. Not Orochimaru or Sasuke. Not even Jiraiya, despite all their spars across the year and more that they'd been training. Itachi was in an entire class of his own.

That was the level of power that Naruto would need to reach in order to protect himself in the future. He didn't know if he could do that.

"Hey...is it really alright that we've stayed here this long?" Naruto asked, looking at Jiraiya and E.

"What do you mean? This has been a great opportunity to spend time with you all, and forge a better alliance with Konoha." E said. "Besides, Kirabi and Yugito get lonely when they just have themselves and their demons."

"No, I mean, there were four of us here. The Akatsuki tried to capture us, even though they can't seal us away, because of that. Right? I doubt they just showed up to check on how powerful we were. So...it's better if we don't stay here much longer, to avoid something like that happening again."

"There's strength in numbers, Naruto-kun." Yugito said. "We beat them this time, so there's no reason to say that we'll lose next time!"

"We didn't win, though. They retreated." Tayuya countered. "Either the chakra powering their jutsu ran out, or they saw birdshit-sensei and the Raikage coming over and decided that they'd played around with us for long enough. And now, they've shown that they're not above attacking a hidden village directly if that's what it takes to capture a Jinchuriki."

"I don't want to put more people at risk." Naruto added on, completing the logic to his original statement. "Innocent people died today because Tayuya and I were here. Whether I like it or not, their blood is on my hands."

"No. They chose to defend you, their actions were thought through." Kirabi said. "Don't blame yourself, that's not good for your health."

"Even so, as someone who wants to be the Hokage one day, I could never accept something like this happening in Konoha. And if I can't accept it there, then I can't accept it here. I'm sorry for the trouble we caused." Naruto said. "We'll be leaving soon."

Jiraiya wanted to disagree, but he could barely hide his elation.

Some wounds never healed, and his parents' deaths would always be one of them.

"Did you really mean what you said?" Tayuya asked. "About leaving?"

"Yeah, I did. I can't stand the idea that people are put in danger because of me." Naruto responded. "Hell, being a nukenin is easy, you just have to look out for yourself. Being a village ninja, though...you have to worry about everybody else, too."

"Their deaths weren't your fault." She held him, pulling his taller frame down to rest his head on her shoulder. "They chose to fight. Their village was attacked. You would have done the same, if we were back in Konoha."

That much was true. When Konoha had been attacked during the Chunin exams, Naruto had wasted no time whatsoever in closing in to defeat the greatest threat they'd faced: Gaara, preparing to be fully possessed by the Ichibi. While the Sandaime had taken on Orochimaru, and Jiraiya's toads had fought the rogue Sannin's own summoned snakes, Naruto had charged ahead to challenge his would-be brother in single combat.

"I know." He admitted. "But it still feels like they died because we're here. Because I insisted we come here."

"What would a Kage do in this situation, then?"

"They'd have to move on from it. The cost of a few lives, even several high-profile deaths, is less important than making sure that the village can continue running effectively. You have to put it behind you. The shinobi rules dictate that you must never abandon your mission, no matter what, and a Kage's constant mission is to ensure the safety and survival of the village."

"So what does that tell you, piss-for-brains?" The insult-turned-endearment brought a small smile to Naruto's face.

"It tells me that I'm not ready to be Hokage. I might never be." The words startled Tayuya as Naruto spoke. "I don't want to become that callous, having to send people on possibly lethal missions and knowing that I'm responsible when they don't come back alive."

"The life of a ninja is death." She whispered into his ear, still holding him in a warm hug. "You throw yourself into lethal situations, practically on purpose. Why would you say that others aren't allowed to do the same? Like I did?"

"Because the Hokage is supposed to protect Konoha...not order its people to die."

That was a fair point, Tayuya had to admit. A Kage like Yagura wasn't fit for the office, but Naruto was on the opposite end and clearly not ready for the position...for now. That softness in his heart would make him a kind leader one day, if it didn't get taken out of him.

"I talked with Jiraiya. We're gonna leave tomorrow, and head to Suna." He said.

"Okay. Were you gonna sleep early?"

"Yeah."

As he got into the bed, Tayuya followed suit, one arm around him as she laid halfway onto his chest and snuggled up.

"Love you, piss-brain."

"Love you too, Tayuya-chan."

The pair drifted off, together, to the land of dreams.

"Are you really sure you want to leave?" Yugito asked.

She, Kirabi, and E were at the western gate to Kumo. Accompanying them were Kirabi's four-man team and E's bodyguards, Shi and Darui.

"Yeah. Don't worry, maybe we'll see you again someday!" Naruto said.

"It'd better be soon, or you'll listen to my tune from morning to night to noon!" Kirabi rhymed his parting words, enjoying the looks of mild horror he gathered from that proclamation.

"You'd better fuckin' not!" Tayuya argued.

"Blasphemy against my rap, that be! Don't mess with the rhymes of Kirabi!"

"You'll always be welcome back here. I'll tape my idiot brother's mouth closed if I have to." E said.

Friends in high places, as the saying went.

After saying their goodbyes, the sextet of Jiraiya, Tayuya, and four Uzumaki headed southwest, for the deserts of Kaze no Kuni and Sunagakure no Sato. Traveling at a much more leisurely pace than they had on their way to Kumo, it was a full week before they arrived on the outskirts of the desert nation. Two days afterward, they made it to the twin cliffs whose narrow passage led to Suna.

"Business?" The gate's guardian asked.

"Meeting with the Kazekage." Jiraiya said. It wasn't strictly the truth, as there was no meeting set, but they had come to see him...

"Really? That's a different one than normal. Most people are here for the Chunin Exams, at the moment."

"Suna's hosting, this time around?" Jiraiya asked. "Good for them. Who knows, you two might see some of your friends."

"We're in the month's grace period before the third stage of the exam begins. Still got a couple weeks left on it...well, your passports check out, your identification cards are all valid, you're all free to go in, I guess. Should I send a message ahead, for the Kazekage to expect you?"

"No need." Jiraiya said. "Something tells me he already knows we're here."

Just a few streets down the road, Gaara was walking. Though Naruto didn't remember conversation to be a particular specialty for the Ichibi Jinchuriki, he was talking casually to the street vendors he passed. Looking up, he caught them in his gaze, and a thin grin made its way onto his face.

"My friends." He said, arms wide in welcome. "Welcome to Suna!"

He followed the gesture with a quick headcount.

"There's a few more of you than I remember. Did Tayuya's mother find you and force you to have children?"

Had Gaara just joked?

"Uh, negative on that one, pal." Tayuya said.

"We should probably talk in your office." Jiraiya added.

Oboro, while miffed at being mistaken for the wrong person's family, was inwardly flattered that the young Kazekage thought she looked so young. Of course, it didn't really matter to her that she really did look that young, only kept the way she was by some inexplicable miracle of chakra in the Labyrinth.

"Naruto-onii isn't our dad!" Rei said, puffing up her cheeks and pouting.

"He was joking, Rei-onee. Don't take everything so serious-lay."

At the youngest Uzumaki's words, Naruto and Tayuya both noticeably stiffened

Sabaku no Gaara was telling jokes, and Uzumaki Kouga had begun imitating Kirabi.

Grass would turn red, water would taste dry, Hatake Kakashi would stop reading Icha Icha Paradise novels. The signs of the apocalypse were clearly beginning.

The world was doomed.

And it was all Naruto's fault.