I didn't actually sleep, but I wasn't really aware of the passing of time; everything seemed unreal. It was only when I felt hands on my shoulders that I even noticed it was now dark. I was so numb that I allowed myself to be turned around without responding. Light shone in my eyes, and I could hear low voices, but it was as if I was in some kind of bubble of unreality. I blinked, seeing dark shapes behind the light.
"We should get her over to the other side; reckon Able can give her something." A young woman's voice, low and quiet.
"What wrong with her, why's she so…?" I recognised this voice as Nux's, but it seemed both close and far away at the same time, like he was talking through layers of cotton wool.
"Dunno, brain's broke?" The woman said and then added, "Nah, just hiding inside; seen it before. Sometimes people can't take it when bad stuff happens. Pick her up, let's get her to Able."
Warm hands lifted me, and I knew it was Nux, but I still couldn't respond. I could see the dark shape of his skull against the night stars, feel the warmth of him as he held me, smell the unmistakable scent of night greenery, and yet, none of it seemed to matter. Nothing penetrated the numbness that held me in thrall. After a short time I was placed in a seat, my legs hanging, Nux and the woman on either side of me. As she moved the small lamp she held I could see her long pale hair and the strong lines of her face. She must've been almost as tall as Nux, her long slim arms and legs dwarfing mine.
"Hold onto her," She ordered, grabbing my arm to punctuate her words, "Think she's too far gone to hold on while we cross."
Nux put his hand around my waist, his long fingers digging into me. The seat jerked and swung, and I felt my stomach drop inside me as we left the ground. Dimly I realised we must be in some kind of ski lift. Part of me wanted to hold the safety bar and look around, but it was like I was trapped in treacle or still-liquid amber, the sense of numbness all pervading. There was motion, and bright lights cutting across the darkness, but I couldn't focus enough to take in more than that. Before long we were on the other side, descending into bright patches of light with the long shadows of people streaming across the ground. The green smell was strong here and I could see the outlines of many trees around us.
Nux and the pale woman dragged me up off the seat and towards the waiting figures. The thought of seeing more people fractured my bubble, threatening the return of emotion. I closed my eyes against the feeling of dizziness, and heard myself whimper, drawing back against their hands. Quickly Nux picked me up again, and glancing upwards, I could see the planes of his face defined by the lights as he looked down at me, the only detailed thing in this fuzzy unrealness. His brow was furrowed with worry. It hurt to look at him, to know that he must be aware of what I'd done. I closed my eyes again, trying to shrink within myself to where it was safely numb.
Low voices around me, the small sounds of people shifting. Furiosa's voice came sharp out of the confusion.
"Total brain-lock?" she made an inarticulate sound of frustration, "That's all we need. Able, how can we bring her out of this?"
I felt a warm hand cradling my face, turning it towards the light. Blinking my eyes open, I saw it was her, Furiosa, her sapphire eyes sharp enough to cut yourself on, fixing me with an intense stare.
"They're not dead, do you understand? You only killed that kamacrazy War Boy." She turned away, still holding my chin, looking to someone out of my view. "I need her back up quick, you hear? Corpus says he saw vehicles on the Fury Road today; we're running out of time. I don't care what you have to do."
"She's not a thing." This was from Nux, I could feel the quiet rumble of sound in his chest as he spoke. His tone wasn't belligerent, merely flat, but there was a responding tension in Furiosa's hand as she touched me.
She dropped her hand to her side, and as my eyes followed it I could see that she now had another hand, part of a metal forearm attached to her body with straps.
"She will be if we don't shred them. "She told him harshly. Her eyes turned back to me, and there was almost softness in their peerless blue. "It's hard, first time you kill, I know it. But we need you in working order, don't have time for you to go soft.' She turned to the Vuvalini woman who stood next to her. "What can you do?"
This woman, who had a lined face and steel grey hair, dressed in the customary brown leathers they all seemed to wear, nodded thoughtfully, "Warmth, rest, sleep, that ought'to do it. Got some willow bark and valerian been saving for a rainy day, I'll make up some tea. She shouldn't be alone tonight."
"She won't be." Came Nux's instant answer.
I turned my face away from the outside world, hiding against the warmth of his chest. I was ashamed of my weakness, of letting these people down, but at the same time the thought of going back to healing all those war boys filled me with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. My numbness wavered as this anxiety climbed. I felt an urge to jump out of Nux's arms and run away, run off the edge of the cliff if I had to, just to get away.
I heard Furiosa's voice, fading as if she were walking away. "Alright, I'm going to get some sleep. Fix her up; I want her in the organic repair room early. Valkyrie; organise more helper shifts, I want to meet that quota tomorrow. And put a guard 'round her; we can't have this happen again."
I could hear the sounds of the circle of people breaking up and leaving.
"Follow me." This was Able, and the warm practicality of her voice comforted me enough to look around. Nux was carrying me into a large shack which looked like it was made out of corrugated iron sheets. Tall vines supported by iron rods covered the walls; I could smell the sweet scent of their pale flowers. Golden light bathed us as we entered; the pale girl who'd found me was already heating water over a campfire gas burner propped up on cinder blocks.
The shack was ramshackle and rusting, with chairs and a table made out of various scrap metal. An open door led onto another room, I could see the dim outlines of piles of bedding on the floor against each wall.
"Put 'er down over there." Able waved to a low bench in a corner. She dug through a shadowy pile, and pulled out a large blanket, covered with the same bright geometrical patterns that had adorned Cheedo's headband.
I allowed myself to be wrapped in this blanket, and sat there while Nux patted me on the hand and then went to squat by the heating water. He kept looking back at me, as if he was afraid I might jump up and turn tail or disappear in a puff of smoke.
"Don't fuss." the pale girl ordered him, stirring dried herbs into the water. She hummed to herself, a dark pleasant sound, mysterious. Able had disappeared into the other room, and came out with a small handful of herbs which she handled as if they were very precious.
"This'll set you up," she said, glancing at me with a wrinkled smile, "valerian'll let you sleep easy, that's what you need." She tossed them into the simmering water.
The pale girl gave me a shyly curious look behind her wings of white blonde hair, light blue eyes wide. "I'm Dag, The Dag, they call me." She told me. "Heard a lot about you."
She dipped a metal mug into the water and handed it to Nux, who brought it over to me. He took my hands and folded them around it, as if I were a small child. Feeling its heat through the metal, I gingerly raised it to my lips, blowing on the surface to cool it.
"Good, good." Breathed Able approvingly. "You'll be alright. Had a bit of a nasty shock, right? Can't say I did much better when I killed my first; puked all over me boots, I did! How we laughed!" She grinned, showing missing and snaggled teeth.
The tea was bitter, but soothing, and I felt braver taking in the world around me with the mug rim as a sort of shield. Furiosa had told me the helpers had lived, and that made things a whole lot better. It was still embarrassing that I'd freaked out and run away, but at least I wasn't some out of control mass murderer, as much a danger to my allies as my enemies. Nux had his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned into his side as The Dag brought him a mug of tea too. She poured another for Able and then took one herself, grinning as she did so.
"Can't hurt." She commented with satisfaction.
Able nodded and raised her mug to us in a toast. "Sweet dreams." She murmured.
I yawned; the herbal mixture was already beginning to affect me, along with the hefty dose of emotional and physical fatigue from the day's events. I rubbed my eyes with one hand, and drained the last of the mug, tasting the bitterness of the boiled and crumbled leaves on my tongue.
"Sleep now." Ordered Able. She raised an eyebrow in Nux's direction, "You staying?"
I turned my head to look at him as Nux nodded. As much as I wanted him to stay, I still felt a pang of guilt pierce me. I liked Capable, and I found myself torn between selfish desire and not wanting to hurt her.
"You don't have to." I whispered.
His arm tightened on my shoulder momentarily in a hug and he gave me one of those old lop-sided grins. "Want to." He stated.
Able stood up, grimacing as an audible crackle came from one of her knees. "Righto. No funny business though; don't want you waking us up." She picked up the small lamp while Dag turned off the gas camp stove.
Nux took my hand as we stood up and we both followed Able and Dag into the bedroom. They laid themselves down, each on a pile of bedding against a wall, while Able motioned for us to do the same. She set the lamp down beside her, waiting for us to lie down before she blew it out.
It was very dark in there; there were no windows, and what little light there was came from chinks and cracks in the metal walls. The Dag and Able's quiet breathing broke the silence as they drifted off to sleep. I was tired myself, but the thought of having to go back tomorrow was increasing my nervousness. I lay on my side, facing the room, while Nux curled in behind me, his top arm hugging me so that his hand rested in the space between my neck and my shoulder. I could feel the warmth of him against my back, and the canvas of his cargo pants under my legs and feet. His breath tickled the back of my neck, and I found myself unhappily restless.
Finally I turned on my back, stepping my feet over his legs so that my thighs rested on his, reminding me of our time in the desert. I breathed deeply, trying to calm my mind.