Enjoy, and tell me what you think.

Sakura, Mono no Aware

He's always been in and out of hospitals. But that doesn't make it any easier, or more tolerable. Especially since he's going to be there for a while yet with hopes for recovery slimming – but at least there are friends and family to help him through...

Kouichi K & Kouji M

Rating: T

Genre/s: Drama/Hurt/Comfort

Chapter 20 – Winter Chills

It was a little strange, he noted to himself, that the one thing he wanted but never got on first request was going out too from home by himself. Before the digital world, he never even wanted too, preferring the environment where things went his way than the more ambiguous one where there was always someone ready to shatter that around the corner. The swings in the park was about as far as his domain used to go…until some tall and buffed-up kid would come up and shove some smaller kid around in the dirt. In that case, he'd run, either tear and dirt stained or simply clothed in fear, back home into his mother's warm arms and Yutaka's somewhat patronising glare.

He knew now he had wanted him to gain some footing in the world, to stand on his own two feet instead of using crutches and falling away when someone pushed a little. Hence the large rift in their relationship, but the Digital World had changed that so fast that his brother had uncharacteristically gaped to the burger he had presented. So long in fact that the burger was cold by the time he finished. It was delicious anyway.

Yutaka was a little suspicious, but he was soon placated upon meeting the friends he had quite suddenly made when they came over for a sleepover. One of the times Kouichi was spending the weekend at his father's.

There wasn't anything suspicious about them. They were close, as if they'd spent their entire lives together in a few short weeks (little did he know), but they got along as equals, as real friends should. And even if he didn't know them, he could see each of them had changed for the better by simply knowing each other.

From what he gathered, with the help of Tomoki and small flitters of the conversation that floated towards him in the study, the twins had parents that were divorced, and both had been rather antisocial in their own world, one more angry and bitter, other more like a quiet dam ready to burst. Now both were more open, more placate, though still strong and stern and soft and sweet. The only female was a little mothering, but she seemed to have taken a step to rediscovering herself in a new environment. The oldest, a design guru all things considered, had trouble making friends, before he met the rest. And the hyper brunette seemed to, according to the unbelievable stories he overheard, had learnt to be more responsible, mature and a good leader. And Tomoki seemed to have gained wisdom as well, balancing between the inner child and the outer one pending towards adolescence and eventually adult hood; a boy who could stand on his own without others holding him up.

So the two brothers got along far better now. Each had their own friends, but they didn't have the large rock standing between each other. So when he announced he was taking him to his dorm for the weekend, no-one was too surprised.

Except he was hoping to go to Kyoto with the others. Yutaka was insistent though, and he had already okayed it with their parents, so he wasn't left with much of a choice.

He wasn't happy, and it showed. A little immature pout settled on his face during the long drive. Yutaka was well aware of that, but he let the silence sit, keeping his hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road. His living quarters was about two hours from his home on the empty roads, three when the traffic got rather congested, and the college campus was another fifteen minutes in the continuous direction. It was a rural quarters, the campus near bordering the city of Chiba, and there was a natural, peaceful air that the city lacked.

Which was the purpose of coming all the way out here in the middle of his campus winter break, which was notably longer than that of secondary or elementary students. His little brother hadn't seen the scenery. And it wasn't healthy to stay cooped up between a rock and a hard place.

'I know you wanted to go see your friend,' he began, once he had parked the car.

'It's the first chance for weeks,' the other scowled, tone a little like a whine. 'Why bring me here?'

'We haven't spent much time together,' Yutaka pointed out. 'And I wanted to talk to you about a few things, and now is a very good time.'

'But Kouichi-'

'-is part of the reason I want to talk to you.' The older Himi unbuckled his seatbelt, before twisting in his seat to look at the boy beside him full on the face. 'I've been worried about you lately.'

Tomoki fiddled with the fringe of his own seatbelt. 'There's nothing to be worried about,' he muttered, slightly annoyed. 'I-'

'You know, when you say that, it just makes people worry more.' The older brother said that statement in an almost scolding tone, before softening it for the next statement. 'You may have grown up a lot lately, but you are still a child. And you can never truly make a child understand death until they see it themselves. And I'm not talking about that incident in the hospital. I mean truly seeing it, being that hair-line fracture away from death itself. It's a wisdom that only comes when age has passed. When you're so old that you've lived life and are now looking forward to only one thing.'

'You normally let me work things out on my own,' the younger Himi frowned, a little confused…well, a lot confused really. 'Why tell me this?'

'Why do you think?' the other said quietly.

He looked at his lap.

'Tommy,' Yutaka pressed slightly, using the nickname few used. 'Only very disturbed children look towards death. Your friend, I'm sure, is not one of them.'

'I know,' the other said. 'He sacrificed himself for us, but even then, he was looking at our world, looking at us, hoping he'd see us again, despite those chances.'

'And he did,' Yutaka nodded, before he noted the abnormality. 'Sacrificed himself? Our world?'

'Umm…'

'Is there something you haven't said about your friendship?'

'Well…you see…' Tomoki was rapidly becoming flustered. They had promised not to tell anyone, but apparently there were a few others that knew. Shinya had heard Takuya talking in his sleep of all things, and Kouichi's friends did spend enough time over to find the journal and sketches. And Izumi and Yoshiko had talked at length as well. Then there were all the other children on the Trailmon. Hmm…perhaps the anyone had just meant the adults. Or on a need to know basis.

'We met in another dimension,' he said really fast. 'We turned into digimon, fought evil guys and saved the world in a nutshell.'

'What?' That sounded utterly insane, but Tomoki was such a horrible liar that he could see through him in a heartbeat. 'Never mind, we've got the whole weekend for a longer explanation.'

A sigh of relief. Dodged that bullet at least.

'Back to our previous discussion. People gain and lose hope depending on their situations and their surroundings. No-one needs someone going and expecting death for them as if there is no hope for recovery and life. He cannot do either for himself right now…perhaps he can, but we don't know. He's relying on his family and friends now. He's relying partly on you.'

'That's why I want to be there.' More fiddling.

'And if you were there, what would you do? You've already talked. To him, to each other. You've already tried to brighten up the room. You've tried holding on to hope, but are you still hoping now, or is that dying with time? Honestly?'

He was silent a long moment.

'I-' he began, before failing to continue. 'I don't really know,' he finished eventually, tears pricking the edge of his vision. 'I wish I could say honestly it, but-'

'But you can't.' Yutaka closed his eyes. 'You know, it takes a very strong and brave person to admit that.'

He looked rather young at that moment, peeking at his older brother through his bangs. 'Is it wrong?'

'Iie.' Yutaka opened his eyes again. 'No, it isn't. It's perfectly normal. But what will you attain from thinking about that day in and out? You need to be there for him, but you also need to live your life away from all that as well. Go on with things as normal, push the world forward. Time only flows from one direction.'

'Don't get me wrong,' he added immediately, knowing that he was sometimes a little ambiguous in his "little speeches". 'I'm not telling you to give up. The opposite in fact.'

'You're telling me to live on.'

'And believe, and do what you can, and from there, let nature take its course.' Yutaka looked at his little brother, and the tears brimming down his cheeks, before reaching over and giving him an awkward hug. He would get out of the car, but he didn't want to stand around in the cold. 'What are you thinking about?'

'What do you think?'

Yutaka looked at him. 'About?'

'About Kouichi. The others. Everything. Me.'

He thought about that for a moment. 'Tomoki, I don't know them as well as you do.'

'I know.'

He understood what his brother was asking. 'This sort of thing tests your relationships with each other. If you go about things the right way, everyone will come out better in the end. But it's never easy to know what the right thing to do is. That's beyond us as humans with our weaknesses in the face of the unknown.'

Tomoki smiled at that point.

'What are you thinking about?

'MagnaGarurumon and KaiserGreymon actually. They said we humans don't believe in limitations, when we were fighting the Royal Knights. That's how we beat them. And Lucemon.'

His brother gave him a long look. 'You'll have to tell be about that,' he said. 'On the way.'

'On the way where?'

'Kyoto.'

Huh? Why'd his brother go in the other direction then.

'Change of scenery,' Yutaka explained, finally opening the car door. 'You always loved the winter festivals. There's one about ten minutes from here. I think you'll enjoy it. Then in the afternoon, we'll head over. 'kay?'

''kay.' He should have known his brother. If he wasn't so much older and complicated.

But he was right. This time. And last time too. There would be a time when he won't be though. Humans weren't perfect after all. That's what made them limitless.