Hello glorious people, I have returned with a hopefully appeasing chapter. Life has been hectic! And I do not mean that in a good way. I started this early this morning and finished it surprisingly in one day. I am dog tired had to mow the grass and work today back to back we live on an acre and the grass got kinda thick so yah there's that.
Uh I hope you enjoy my inner ramblings, trigger warning for self harm and molestation of a minor!
'Kirai thinking'
I do not own Pokémon.
Morning is here far to soon, heavy downpour slowly trickling into a light drizzle. The sound of water dripping draws my attention from the ceiling to a damp corner, my eyes sting at the movement. At some point I shifted from a ball onto my back, I've been staring at the ceiling so long I forgot how to blink. The events of this morning looped themselves over and over robbing me of sleep, I don't know if they would've been any worse in unconsciousness. Somehow I end up looking at Paul, he looks so peaceful with drool crusted on the side of his mouth, all the creases that usually adorn his forehead are smoothed out giving him a more youthful appearance. Something wet slides across my cheek, it takes me a minute to realize I'm crying, I roughly wipe my cheeks in anger, this is no ones fault but my own. I should've known he didn't just disappear, nothing good ever lasts and if it does then it destroys you later on down the road. The more I wipe my eyes the faster the tears fall, sitting up I grab my back pack and fumble with the zipper desperate to get out. Pulling out a piece of paper and pen I jot down a brief message of my whereabouts, grab my shoes and dash out of the cave.
I run into Blaze sending both of us tumbling in the mud, I slipped around trying to stand up while apologizing profusely. Blaze made me stop and heated the ground into a hard crust, my tears won't stop and it's not raining hard enough anymore to blame the dampness of my cheeks on it.
My feet aren't touching the ground anymore...why?
Oh he picked me up, I don't know where we're going but he hasn't said a word to me which I'm grateful for, I don't know if I can form complete sentences at the moment.
I close my eyes forgetting about my surroundings, momentarily forgetting who I am. The rise of Blazes' chest coupled with the heat he's radiating lulls me into a dark unnavigable haze.
The next time I open my eyes it's to the ground being a few feet below me and replaced with water, I forget how to breathe all at once an unimaginable pain surges through my chest clawing its way into my throat. Short panicked gasps escape my lips as the Wailmer leers suggestively up at me, it's large metal teeth grind together creating a horrifying squelch mixed with the wet slosh of its synthetic tongue rubbing against the back of its teeth aching to taste my blood again.
I slam back into reality when a hand firmly connects with my cheek, I shakily lock my shaking orbs with Blazes blue and yellow concerned ones. I take in shuddering uneven breaths trying to calm my heart beating painfully against my ribcage. I brush off the concerned inquiries with a half hearted 'bad dream'.
Pushing my fatigue aside I coax him into training with me, thankfully I avoid having to talk to Paul all day, but I spur Blaze into sharing my strange behavior with his brothers and sisters. I don't get to call them mine anymore, when we got back to camp I don't bother talking to anyone or even changing clothes, I trudge into the cave with heavy steps slipping into my sleeping bag and terrible nightmares.
Someone slides into my bag while I'm sleeping and I pretended not to feel the hard on rubbing slowly against my backside or the icy cold finger tips carving words into my spine. I muffle my pitiful whimpers with my hand biting into the same place the Magikarp did with a smaller radius, blood stains my teeth as a hand reaches into my pants to fondle my limp dick. Cold puffs of air rest against my ear as a slimy tongue sucks and nips at the red inner shell.
He's telling me not to move or he'll slit Patience' throat, he describes in sickening detail the curve of her slender neck with veins pumping life giving fluid through all of them, I can't see but I won't risk her life over something this small. I quiver in disgust hearing him groan in orgasm, he disappears into thin air like he was never there, the only proof being my rumpled clothing and freezing sleeping bag despite my extreme temperature.
The next morning Patience complains about a stinging on her throat and sure enough the are four red marks trailing down her jugular in a repeated motion, I decide I'm not going to give Father a reason to deepen those marks...
*Time Skip*
It's been a month since these daily visits and I don't think I can handle them much longer, everyday he comes he's rougher and brings a new way to stretch and pull me apart. I haven't talked to Paul since that night, he's getting worried about US.
'...Good make him leave!'
*Time Skip*
Three months have passed, Paul broke up with me said I was being to distant, he wants to help but I always lash out at him so he broke it off. We didn't tell anybody just kinda stayed away from each other, but I'm sure they notice. I still smile like nothing's wrong, It did-doesn't hurt...I think.
'It's better this way...'
*Time Skip*
Six months in and I'm cutting myself again, I don't know why I ever stopped.
It feels good to release my blood with my own hands for once instead of by someone else's all the time. Sometimes I like to sit and watch the blood slide down my arm as I make the cuts.
From the first slice of skin at whatever sharp object I create to the end I make sure to watch each drop make it's way down my wrist, sometimes I see how many I can make before I pass out, other times I sit in bodies of water watching it run away from me like everyone else is doing.
I like the burning sensation it grounds me, helps me feel something other than numb all the time. I hate smiling when I don't feel like it anymore, pretending that everything is alright like back at home. I don't miss this feeling at all.
'You'll get used to it...'
*Time skip*
It's been eight months and the nightmares haven't stopped being as terrifying as they were when I first started having them, I stopped eating as much and training twice as hard but I still can't find away around him without somebody dying.
It's hard to act normal around everybody when the weight of their lives constantly rest on my shoulders, I tried leaving once so I wouldn't have to.
It didn't end well, Kaden died and it devastated Misty but I couldn't bring myself to comfort her. So I didn't I stopped smiling for them and acting like everything was ok, because it's not everything is horrible and going to shit.
'Fall into my arms, I'll catch you...'
*Time Skip*
Another year has passed by in the blink of an eye, I left home to escape the terrible memories made there. I felt bad about leaving my mom alone but she seemed so happy to see me enthusiastic about something again.
Now I think I'm just worrying her all over again, I've been focusing so much on trying to hide my cracking psyche that I haven't noticed anybody else's, but that's ok it's better I keep it inside maybe they'll leave and convince Father they aren't that important to me anymore.
I remember when we first started this journey it started with Misty's bike, which I still owe her.
Hmmm all of the times we've been held against our will and almost forced into submission it's funny to think that I was the one to lift everyone up and give them hope. Now I'm the one who needs it but they're thinking about leaving me to fall, maybe father is right they really don't care about me as much as I do them.
'Told you so...'
*Time skip*
It's been a year and three months, and I think I'm throwing in the towel my mind is cracked beyond repair. He said if I obey he'll spare their lives, as our servants... it's better than death I suppose.
Through all this training my mind was the one thing that was always considered the most dangerous thing. I can move objects by thinking about them, invade other people's dreams, cause a mental break down with a glare. But I can't even protect myself, he's always been able to break through my defenses and manipulate me but it's strange he can always tell what I'm thinking before I think it but he can never tell what I'm thinking as I think it. It's only gotten worse as my mental barriers dropped they've always had a crack in them that never healed but he's been controlling what I see and do through the cracks the bigger they g-
Wait.
Wait...
WAIT! Th-thats why this has been happening, why he's so determined to get me to bend to his will. He needs me to crumble before he can control anything, with how powerful my abilities are it's impossible to control them without full control. If I have even a smidgen of free will before he attempts to take it for his own I could!
Pause. Stop. Fix it NOW.
I focus on the cracks in my damaged psyche only sheer willpower sealing them closed. I don't think these wounds will ever heal, I can't ever forget his touch and demeaning words, the degrading acts he forced me to perform, the way I flinch at any type of contact... I can stop this regardless of what he says I just need a little bit of help. I close my mind off to the outside world the constant whispers of negativity dying out, I can no longer hear the giggles of the wind and whispers of the trees. I have evened the playing field, Now it's time to get rid of it.
The sound I hear can only be compared to absolute and utter bliss.
Silence.
'Fuck'
Well this is it sorry for the length this kinda popped out at me this morningat like 1 o'clock so yeah hear it is sleep deprived ideas.
Replies!
RandomGuy - so first off Thank you sooooo much you have no idea how hard I smile when reading your reviews, you're not awkward at all! I feel the love from miles away, loving your hugs and sending bunches back to you. You're the first one to tell me that you noticed the play of Kirai's name I got so excited out of no where like yeeeees! Thank you for your lovely review hun stay awesome ;D.
VicsTacoLife - Thanks for the fav and follow!
Mimi - Hi! Missed you so much, if you ever wanna chat about the mysterious ups and downs of life. message me if you don't want advice I'm a great listener :). Yeah sorry kinda made Ash crash and burn all over again after your thoughtful review *sweat drops* buuut it gets better...I SWEAR. Please feel free to strangle him the best way you can, you get happy seeing my updates? I get happy when I see your reviews lol. Hope its not too confusing.
Mimi621134 - Thank you for all the fantastic favs and follows!
This wraps up this chapter pretty nicely, I enjoy chatting with you guys back and forth, sorry it takes so long to update sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything in life.
Please leave a review/ fav/follow and tell all your friends about this horror show :).
Have an Great Night/Day/ morning or whenever you're reading this.