Ch 21 Confessions Part 2
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CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS USS ENTERPRISE
Walking into their quarters Kate thinks about her last deed of the day. Of all the people on the Enterprise, she owes Kirk the most. As payment for the room, Kate decides to tell Kirk about her past. She also wants him not to worry after she is gone. Not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. She needs to make Kirk understand that her leaving is for the best. That she will be cared for and happy. "I'm not gonna EVER stop talking about Han and home," she announces in a challenging tone. Kirk looks at her perplexed. "I know you hate it and just want me to shut up, but he was there when I had no one. He never threw me out."
They have already been through this once. Trying to be patient, Jim prepares to set her straight once again. "Sit down," he motions to the couch but Kate doesn't move. "Sit," he says with a little more anger than he intended taking a spot next to her. Kate tentatively sits on the edge ready to bolt if this turns ugly. "I don't know if you will ever believe this, but I loved your mommy more than anything in the universe. She was funny and beautiful, smart, and feisty. She made me happy when I was sad and brave when I was scared. I didn't have a close family when I was a kid. I never thought in a million years I'd get married. Then I met her." A smile spreads across his face. "I was never happier than when I was with her."
"Then why did you leave her on the beach?" Kate says. "She said that was the last time you were together."
"Did she talk about that trip?" Kirk asks hanging on Kate's every word.
"No, but whenever I asked about you Mom always said 'you can't go back only forward,'" Kate admits. Jim feels a sharp pain in his chest. This was Lauren's advice to him every time he screwed up in one way or another and regretted his actions. "And I have always tried to go forward but," her voice trails off and her chin trembles. Before Kirk can figure out what to say, Kate continues. "I don't remember much about her. I was only four when she left, but I remember always feeling like she loved me." Kate sighs moving back farther on the couch. She sits Indian style facing Jim. "Do you want to know?" She asks in a tone indicating she is scared of Kirk's response.
"Yes, but only if you are ready to tell me," he says encouragingly. Bones told him she would open up. As always his best friend was right.
"We lived on a planet called Sernpidal. That's actually the rock I'm from. You know the one you constantly refer to me living under," she gives a weak laugh adding humor into the conversation. "One day I remember her taking me to this huge building. She told me it was going to be my new school. That it was filled with kids who would be my new friends. I was so excited. I was so stupid," anger flares in her voice. "The first day she was at the gates to pick me up right after school. About a week goes by and then she picks me up. She takes me to this park down the street. She explained that her new job needed her to go on a business trip and I needed to sleep there like the other kids for a few days." Kate's eyes hold a haunted, desperate look as she tells the story. He knows the pain she experienced. It was the same feeling he had when his mother left him on Tarsus. The difference was Jim was twelve, not four. He also doesn't miss that Kate only refers to her mother as she. As if calling her mom would make the pain deeper. "I told her not to go. If she waited I could over the weekend with her but she said no. She promised she would be back soon with a huge surprise." Tears begin to form, but Kate blinks them away, taking a deep breath. "I waited for weeks, then months, but she didn't come back." Kate plays with a fingernail. "Do you have Santa Claus here?" she asks abruptly changing the topic.
"Yeah, he comes every year," Jim starts unsure what to do about the abrupt topic change. He is shocked that she knows of this arcane Earth tradition. His mind races for a way to get her back on topic, but Kate saves him.
"I know he's not real or maybe he just couldn't find me. Or maybe he knew all the bad things I would do and I got on that naughty list early," she says trying to lighten the conversation. Kate, like Han and Kirk, has learned to use humor to cover her pain. "Either way by Life Day Eve I thought that if I asked him for my mom he would bring her back. Or you," she pauses looking at the floor embarrassed. Kate regains her composure saying, "I was actually stupid enough to think she was going to find you. That you both would show up and we would be some big kriffing happy family."
"Kate," Jim's heart breaks reaching out to take her hand. Kate's story has taken on a rambling quality, but he lets her take the conversation where she needs it to go. He can fill in the pieces later.
Kate pulls back sharply from his touch. "Don't!" She threatens. "I can only do this once." Jim settles back into his position on the far side of the couch waiting for her to continue. "On Life Day you have a tree of remembrance. There was one in the main hall but wanted my own like I had with her. So I cut a branch off a bush, stuck it between my pillow and the wall and went to sleep. I knew I would wake up and see her, you, or both of you. My mom had to be there when I woke up because it was the only thing I asked for." The tears start to fall as she grabs Kirk's sweatshirt off the back of the couch to wipe her eyes. "No surprise neither of you wasn't there the next morning." Kate throws in an intentional dig quickly feeling bad. "I realized no one was coming after waiting for six months, so I came up with a new plan. One visiting day, when everyone and their parents were going out to visit the city, I pretended to be with another family and left," Kate says proudly. "I thought maybe I would find her in the city. I was so mad at her, but I just wanted to see her. Our small house had a new family living in it. Since that wasn't our home anymore I just started to walk our neighborhood. I looked everywhere eventually finding the park we went to the day she left. I remember her always telling me if I was lost to stay put, so I sat on a bench and waited. When it got dark I got scared. I went back to school, but the guard wouldn't let me in. They told me Kate Pike was asleep and to go away. They didn't take beggars and the orphanage was down the street. I told him I was Kate Pike, but he said not a chance."
Jim reels slightly hearing her alias. It made sense. Lauren was extremely close to Christopher Pike. Their relationship bordered on father and daughter with Pike letting her stay in his home on breaks and holidays. He even paid for their honeymoon and the trips to Risa. Suddenly a thought flares in Kirk's mind. "Did he know," a voice screams over and over in Kirk's mind. Jim quashed the irrational rage growing that Pike knew of Lauren's plan to leave. There is no way he was a part of Lauren's disappearance. Chris and his mother took the news of Lauren's disappearance almost as hard as he did.
Kate's words draw Kirk back to the present. He could look to Pike for answers later. Kate is his focus now not his ghost of a wife. "I was scared. I had nowhere to go. All my friends were in the school so I had no one to turn to. I sat at the gates and cried. Someone would notice I was not in bed. Someone would see that I needed help so I stayed put like mom said; however, no one missed me. No one ever misses me. I was so cold that night. I should have brought a coat. I don't know why I didn't," Kate gets a far off look remembering the event.
"You fucking bitch if I ever see you again," Kirk silently rages hearing the first part of Kate's story. His life was shitty, but at least he wasn't on the streets in Kindergarten. He knows the feeling of cold and hungry from Tarsus. He held kids as young as Kate was in his arms desperately trying to warm their chilled hands and feet whispering lies that it would be over soon. Regardless if the kids in his group believed him, Jim was there and the adult at thirteen. Kate had to weather her storm alone.
"The security guard must have called the authorities because soon the police showed up. Looking back I should have stayed put but he was yelling so loud. I ran. I ran as fast as I could back to the park. I decided to just come back to school in the morning. I curled up tight in a ball and fell asleep on the bench." Kate notices Jim stiff. His blue eyes that typically sparkle are hard. His mouth that generally has a smile fighting to emerge is replaced with his lips drawn tightly against his teeth as he clenches his jaw. Every muscle in Jim Kirk's body is taut as if he is ready to lash out and beat something to a bloody pulp. Kate knows he is not mad at her. Han had the same reaction when she told him about how she ended up on his landing ramp. Both men want to kill Lauren. Kate needs Jim to calm down. If he walks out, Kate won't find the courage to tell the story again.
"You gotta believe in the Force Jim. You have to in your very soul know that the Force will guide you to your place in life. If you can't do that you'll be lost. The Force is just like the starlight you told me about on the Bridge. When I find it I am not alone anywhere," she says staring into his eyes, pleading for him to understand. Kate's eyes drift around the room. He is not ready to hear about her life. Sharing the story was a stupid, selfish idea. As much as Kate wants to blame him for every rotten thing in her life, he is not her personal punching bag. Jonas told her one time that life is a solitary journey filled with pain, loss, and despair. That no one wanted to hear the gory details so bury it deep and lock it up tight. Jim is not ready for her story. Before she leaves, Kate decides to write down the rest instead of telling it to him. She will gloss over the pain. Candy coat the harsh reality with sugary lies to make him feel better. Kate is an expert at burying deep and locking up tight. Why she choose to start from the beginning and not when Han found her is a decision she will regret forever. Kate uncurls her feet, standing up from the couch.
"Pull it together Jim," Kirk says to himself unclenching his hands. The movement hurts his knuckles. He had no idea how long his fists had been balled ready to strike at an invisible enemy. His fingers find her small wrist before she is able to leave the couch. He is the adult. He is her father. His mother never cared to learn about the pain of Tarsus. Jim doesn't know if it would have helped to tell his mom but the fact she never asked has caused the wedge that still sits between them to this day. He can't change the past, but he can alter Kate's future. He can give her a future filled with love and security. No matter how badly her story hurts him, she lived through it not him. Kate must understand no matter what occurred he finds no fault in her or her actions. "Kate…honey…please don't go. I can't even imagine how unbelievably hard this is for you, but I am willing to listen if you are willing to talk," he says soothingly. Jim is concealing his rage well. Hurt and anger simmer below Jim's relaxed posture. He releases her wrist. The decision to continue must be Kate's alone. Jim will not pressure her. Silence hangs heavy in the room as Kate walks away. Jim rubs his eyes frustrated. There is so much Kate is hiding from him.
Jim feels the couch sag as Kate crawls back into her position with a box of Kleenex in her lap. She pulls one from the box twisting in around her fingers. "Do you want to hear more?" Kate swallows hard. "The middle is a bitch, but the end gets so much better."
"No, I don't. I don't want to sit and hear how your mother and I failed you," Jim thinks to himself, but he has no choice. The sad realization is Jim would have been a crappy father if Lauren had stayed. He would have loved Kate and Lauren, but he was too young, immature, and selfish at twenty-one to be a decent father. Kate would have had a home, clothes, food, and stability, but that was all he would have given her. At twenty, Jim was hell bent on his career and finding adventure. Maybe Lauren knew this. Maybe she left because of this. It doesn't excuse Lauren's actions, but his wife seemed to know his needs before he did. Jim takes Kate's hand in his. "Kate there is nothing you could ever say that would make me not love you. Nothing you could ever do to make me turn my back on you. One day I will tell you my story. It isn't pretty. I did things that make me ashamed to this day, but I had to survive," Jim hopes his words give her the strength to continue. Jim has not missed that Kate refers to her mom only as she. Kirk doesn't miss the theme that Kate thinks no one wanted her. Her story is explaining so much about his daughter and why she is the way she is. Jim braces for the 'bitch of a middle' as Kate nods and begins talking.
She sniffs back her running nose wiping her eyes. Kate's tone takes on a happy quality. She has to sugar coat parts of the story for him. None of it is Jim's fault. Making him feel any worse would be cruel. Kate survived the tale and that is good enough for her. No one needs to know how deep the wounds went or how badly they scarred over. "So I wake up the next day and this boy was sitting next to my head on the bench. He was John's age at the time maybe a little younger. He said his name was Jonas Wright. He actually looked a lot like John. Maybe that is why I gravitated to John first out of all the kids. They both have that shaggy brown hair and a silly ass smile." Kate shakes her head remembering Jonas. Jim likes John. Jim would not like Jonas. Yes, the boys looked similar but personality wise they are polar opposites. Where John is innately nice, Jonas was innately cruel. John would never find pleasure in hurting others, whereas Jonas would go out of his way being vicious. These details don't matter anymore. Let Jim think they were a bunch of rascally street kids. Jonas is dead along with everyone she knew from Sernpidal.
"He asked me if I was hungry and offered me a muffin from a bag he was carrying. She told me never to take anything from strangers, but I was so hungry." Kate hangs her head before laughing. "Funny thing is I never knew how hungry you could be. Missing a meal or two is nothing." Kate snaps out of her pity party. "You want to know why I took the muffin?" Kate raises her eyebrows like it is the punchline for a joke crossing her arms. "He said anyone whose last name is Wright always has to be. It was his catchphrase. No matter what was going on Jonas would always say 'hey who is Wight,' if we doubted him." Kate sees Jim miss the humor. "Because it was spelled wesk resh," Kate looks like she is about to vomit. She has told so many lies she can barely keep them straight. So far no one has caught on she can't read. Kate wants to hit something hard for her stupidity. Spelling Jonas' name in Aurebesh was akin to lighting up a neon sign that said I can't read. "Waybe I am twalking to much," she pretends to be tongue tied. "It was spelled double u, are, eye, gee, haitch, tee. Get it. Wright," she looks for any spark of humor to get her out of her hole.
The more Kate talks the more questions and lies Jim spots. Kate is sharing her story, but her cover-ups are as obvious as the sun in a July summer. They glare brightly in the middle of her dark story. Jim begins to make mental notes of all the holes in her story. When she is done, he will address them. Bringing them up now will shut her down. Jim doesn't need to hear any more about Jonas Wright. He as met enough smooth talking con artists like him his entire life. He forces the smile Kate needs to make her keep talking. "Maybe we should change our last name? I could make shirts saying 'Wright is always Right.' Might get the crew to listen better," he shakes his head laughing. Kate's face lights up seeing he missed the lie only catching the joke.
"So I tell him about yesterday and that I just was waiting for the school to open back up or my mom to come. Jonas offers to take me back to the school. I thought he was so nice. Not only did he give me his breakfast, he was offering to take me home. I jumped at the chance. I still don't know why but the guard at the gate would not let me in. He said I was not Kate Pike and if I didn't leave I would be sorry. At four, I didn't know I could have told him to call the police. If the police ever had come I would have been let back in but I was dumb back then."
Kirk can no longer handle Kate thinking she did anything wrong. "Kate…baby you were four years old," Jim attempts to keep a normal tone as he speaks. "No one at four would know that."
"I know that now," Kate stresses the last word. She looks around the room again aimlessly. "Since they wouldn't let me in I started to cry. Jonas was so nice. He hugged me telling me not to worry. He had a better place to go where there are all kinds of people like us. I guess I just wanted to belong somewhere. Belong somewhere where people would miss me if I was gone overnight so I went." Kirk feels sick as his heart races. Her sucky middle part is a parent's worst nightmare. His mind jumps to his childhood and later teen years, but he has to keep it together. He cannot make her think she has done anything wrong if this is going where he thinks it's going. Kate's next part helps him to considerably relax. It's bad but not compared to what could have been. "Jonas takes me to a man named Ouris Dover. Later I realized he was a two-bit smuggler and thief but he welcomed me in. It was so exciting that day. There were ten other kids all ranging from Belinna who was a little older than me to Jonas who was the biggest. There were no rules. We laughed, played, and just hung out. It was the greatest weekend EVER." Kate's smile fades slightly. "But nothing is free is it," she looks to Kirk for some sort of response. Kate needs to see Kirk is okay with her story. That he understands she was so little at the time and didn't make the best decisions.
"Not usually baby girl." He confirms.
"Ouris Dover taught me people could have two faces. He was so nice at first and, for the most part, was to the younger kids. See when you did a good job, Ouris made you think you were the greatest person in the world." Jim can connect the dots. She doesn't need to tell him what happened when Ouris was not happy. "A few days later the party ended. Ouris and Jonas told me that I could stay as long as I help the family out. I really liked it there and I thought if I stayed I could keep looking for mom…I mean her." Kate corrects herself. "I was willing to do anything to find her. When I asked how I was supposed to help out they told me not to worry about it. The next day Meletias and Jonas took me out. They showed me how to pick pockets. I knew it wasn't right to steal, but they convinced me it was ok when we only took from people that had a lot of extra money. They would never miss it. It was ok as long as I never took anything from someone who looked like us. I wasn't sure what he meant by people like us," Kate muses looking confused. "At first it was hard for me to figure out who was the mark but Jonas taught me. It wasn't long until I knew 'not like us' meant everyone else. I knew it was wrong, but I believed anything just to stay. So I watched and learned and soon I was the best. I was cute, and small, and a great actress. We did a lot of things to get money and I was the best: Pickpocketing, breaking and entering, stealing, shoplifting. It all came so easy to me. After meeting Luke, I realized it was because I was using the Force subconsciously. I can't use it like him yet, but it did help me out." Kate sees something flash in Jim's eyes. Kate misinterprets his disgust with the Jedi and the Force for him being mad at her. "Jim I never hurt anyone I promise. Swear to God. Jonas would beat," she backpedals like she is worried Kirk is going to punish her for the stuff she did all those years ago.
"Beat people up," Jim finishes her statement. Kate nods in silence. This is not shocking to Jim but shows how naive Kate really is. People like Ouris and Jonas spend their lives hurting people. The fact that Kate finds this reprehensible and shocking tells Jim, Kate got out in time. She escaped the horror of Sernpidal with her morals intact. Sure she stole, lied, and cheated people but Kate's eyes and body language showed she hated it. "Stealing is wrong, but I understand. You had no way out. You were alone and I am sorry for that," he says validating her actions but not condoning her acts. He goes to say more but she firmly holds up her hand again and Kirk remembers what she said earlier. He closes his mouth and waits.
"Things were that way for the next two years at least. I was the top moneymaker. I had to be because sometimes other people had bad luck. Things maybe didn't go their way working and well…you didn't come back without your quota. I mean it was only fair. Everyone has to earn their keep right?"
"Oh, baby." Jim thinks sadly. "When you were trying to protect the world who was protecting you?" Kate's admission to helping others earn their keep as she called it explains her fanatical and zealous commitment to duty. Kate needs to belong. She needs to prove her worth to be accepted. From what Jim can tell, no one has ever accepted her for her. Her school accepted her only when she was within their walls. Ouris saw her as an easy asset to exploit. The Jedi let her in because of the Force. The Enterprise let her in because she had or was, the package. No wonder Kate plays the tough act, always looking for the angle. There has never been a time there wasn't an angle.
"Yeah, things were good until the Vong arrived." This is not the first time Kate has mentioned the Vong. Jim needs more information. He will press this topic if she tries to gloss it over.
"The Vong are the Jedi's enemies," he takes a stab at understanding.
Pure loathing fills her eyes. Kate's breathing sharpens into short puffs. "The Yuuzhan Vong are enemies of all. They are a depraved, barbarous species that need to be wiped from the galaxy." The hate and malevolence in Kate's words and posture stun Kirk. "Complete genocide for their species is what they deserve and will get."
Like a light switch flipping on, Kate transforms from a kid with a bright, hopeful outlook, to a rabid soldier hell bent on killing everything in her path. Kirk can't let this slide without addressing it. If the Jedi are fostering these ideals in their children, Jim got to Kate just in time. The look in her eyes is not new. Hitler, Kodos, Khan all believed their ideals entitled them to massacre others. Even trillions of miles away the Jedi seem to have the same philosophy. Bow to us or be destroyed. "Kate not every individual in a species or group is evil. Yes, some individuals are but," Jim gently explains how wrong her perspective is.
Malice streams from her eyes as frost coats each word. "Do NOT lecture me on ethics or philosophy. You don't know the Vong. You don't know what they are capable of."
This conversation is getting off course. Kate's rendition of her life story is turning into a political debate. "Then tell me. Make me understand why the Vong are that evil," Jim's admission of ignorance settles Kate. Some of the fire leaves her eyes and her face marginally softens.
"They came out of nowhere. First Belkaden, then Helska, Sernpidal, Dubrillion, Seline, Birgis," Kate lists worlds Kirk has never heard of. "Every world decimated. Every inhabitant either enslaved or murdered. No one believed they would be that powerful, that unstoppable." The pain is evident in Kate's eyes as she gazes at an unknown spot on the wall behind Kirk. "Sernpidal was the first real Vong victory that woke everyone up. It started like any other day but by the end the planet was destroyed." Kate's words are calm and precise. She detaches herself from the event retelling it like she was a third party to it. "The Vong had this weapon that threw Sernpidal's moon into the planet. I…we didn't learn what really happened until later. It was just a clear summer day that turned into fire and earthquakes and people screaming." She starts to cry again and rubs her eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "I got separated from Jonas, Belinna, and Ouris during the chaos. I say separated because it was every man for themselves that day. I don't think they would have purposefully left me, but people were pushing and shoving. The space terminals were jammed. There were not enough ships to evacuate and we don't have your precious transporters." Kirk doesn't miss the venom in her words. "After I lost them I somehow made it back to the park and found 'my bench'. I will never forget the park that day. It was empty. Not one person except for me but the noise around it was deafening. Sirens, screams, buildings crumbling…I prayed and prayed to the Force for someone to help me. I was so scared. Just when I thought there was no hope a kid grabbed my arm. He dragged me to the top of the hill. There I saw a man and Wookie desperately trying to get people on board his ship. They would not leave. They kept telling him their God would save them. The man was Han and he was cussing up a storm at them. The boy was Anakin his son. As Anakin and I approached the ship, the ground started to come apart under our feet. Anakin and the Wookie ran into the ship, but I froze." Kate looks into Jim's eyes as if seeking an answer. "I mean she said don't ever go with strangers. If I left the surface how would ever get back home later? Luckily Han did not give me the choice the others did."
Jim studies Kate's face. In the middle of the destruction of her planet, his daughter was still worried about finding her mom. Wherever this Han Solo is, his actions saved his daughter's life. Yes, the space terminals would have been jammed but no one would have left a child from an evacuation transport. The truth is Kate refused to get on board on. Kate had searched the ships looking for Lauren. When she couldn't find her, Kate followed her mom's order to stay put returning to the park. This advice would have killed her if not for Han.
"Han grabbed me by the shirt and jumped onto the ramp as the ship started to take off. From the ramp, I saw the ground cave in and everyone fall into a hole right where we were standing. From Sernpidal, we traveled to Dubrillion where the refugee camp was. I told Han and Leia my story and I guess Han had a soft spot for me. They didn't leave me at Dubrillion which was a good thing because that soon fell to the Vong. Later on I met Luke and he explained the Force and Jedi thing to me. He said 'the Force runs strong in your family.'" Kate attempts to imitate a male voice. Kate skips a huge chunks of the story. Jim doesn't need to know the death and destruction that nipped at their heels for months following the fall of Sernpidal. "Luke said that's how Anakin found me in the park. So I stayed with them and began to kinda train as a Jedi. They have these really cool schools that teach you the ways of the Force and all. When you graduate you become a Jedi Knight and bring peace to the galaxy." She says with her eyes shining bright. "The war with the Vong has kinda stopped the school right now though but when we win that's where I'll go to learn the Force. The Jedi have their hands busy trying to stop the Vong. They are the only ones who seem to be able to hold back the Vong, but there are not thousands of Jedi. The Jedi Council has deployed everyone to the front lines or to the refugee camps. That's where I would be if I was not here."
Kirk loses control of his emotions for a split second when he sees her talk about the Jedi. "Nix that idea young lady. Over my dead body will you ever go to some Force training school or be on the front line of a war," Kirk thinks as his thought flashes in his eyes. He doesn't realize his only experience with the Force is with the dark side. Kate easily sees the hate flash in his eyes but misinterprets it for hating Han and Luke. Getting defensive, Kate looks at Kirk with a steely expression. "If Han hadn't grabbed me I would have died. So don't get pissed when I talk about him. Don't act like he is some Ouris Dover or child molester or evil person. He saved me when you couldn't. He loved me when you didn't. He cares about me when you don't." She says in an even tone full of hate.
Kirk is speechless. He knows she misunderstood the emotion he was feeling. He is pissed about Luke training her to be some kind of Jedi soldier but never about Han. He has a new found respect for Han Solo. Not only did Han save her from Sernpidal he saved her from Ouris Dover. Whether Kate knows it or chooses not to know it, as she aged her way to earn her keep would have changed. Men like Ouris don't let you go when you are too old to be cute. They find other work more suitable for adults. Regardless Kate misunderstands his reaction. Kirk has damage control to do. He gets up from the couch walking to his desk. Pulling out a picture frame from the bottom drawer he brings it back handing it to Kate. The pretty glass etched frame holds a picture of her mom and dad in it. Jim is dressed in a uniform while her mom is in a white dress. They both look very happy. "I have kept this for 12 years because I can't go a day without looking at your mom and thinking about her." Setting the frame on the coffee table, Jim takes Kate's hands. She pulls away, but his grip is firm. He has to make sure she understands this. "I don't know what she ever said about me, but I never threw her or you out. She never told me she was having our baby. This picture was taken on our wedding day and was the happiest day of my life." Kate stops trying to pull out of his grip and listens intently. "Your picture back home?" Kirk is able to say that word a little easier now after hearing her story. "I remember taking that. We were on vacation on Risa. We were so happy, but she disappeared one night. I looked everywhere and so did Star Fleet, but she simply vanished. I never stopped looking for her everywhere I went. I still do sometimes. I love her and I never would've thrown her out." Kirk says the last five words slowly and firmly never letting his gaze waver from Kate's eyes. He goes with his gut pulling her across the couch into his arms. She doesn't fight him but is slightly stiff like she is just humoring him and waiting for him to stop. "I am so sorry Kate. I'm so sorry you have been alone, but you are so wrong. I care about you so much it hurts. I will never let anything hurt you again. You will never be alone again. I will never leave again." He says holding her close and rubbing her back. She begins to cry and relaxes into his arms. He continues to hold her as the sobs wrack her body.
"I would tell you where she was if I knew," she says after she has stopped crying and is sniffing back her nose. "I have sorta forgiven her."
"You're a better person than me sweetheart," Kirk responds to himself.
Kate tries to sit up, but his arms are still wrapped around her body. He is not yet ready to let her physically go. She squirms around until she can look into his eyes but still have his arms hold her. "I think she is just on a mission or something for the Jedi. I think she'll come back one day when it's over," she says almost dreamily. "She is just doing something really really important and has to be away for a while. She is gone like when Luke has Jedi missions or Han and Leia have diplomatic engagements for the New Republic." The hard as nails exterior slides over Kate like a suit of armor as her tears dry up. "I know I can be a handful, but I'm not bad," she says stressing the last word.