After Anton dropped me off at "home" about an hour later, I was standing outside of the cavern-house, staring up at the stars. The excitement and nervous energy coursing through my veins was so pent-up that I found myself doing cartwheels in the sand. It sprayed everywhere, and I started laughing when I was through.
A shadow moved nearby, and I froze.
But the shadow stopped, and leaned against the doorway.
"Hi, Kasen," I said, heart still beating quickly.
"Hello," he said. It was the first cordial word I'd heard from him in months.
I felt very optimistic at this turn of events.
"I… I've missed talking to you," I admitted. I bit my lip.
You'd better not say anything to hurt him this time.
I heard a soft, cynical laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure."
"I have," I reiterated, turning to face him.
And despite my attraction to Anton, I felt an ache in my chest I hadn't felt around Kasen in a long time.
This is why Jedi are not supposed to get attached!
I shook the thoughts away.
"Which is it that you've missed, Keelee -- the possessiveness or the freakiness?"
I heard the teasing undertones, and my heart soared.
He hasn't turned.
"Both," I grinned.
I heard him laugh, and sighed inwardly.
"I'm sorry," we both blurted, and then we laughed together softly.
"You first," he gestured.
"I'm sorry," I said, "for hurting you, and for pushing you away."
"I'm sorry for turning psycho on you and being jealous and mean," he sighed. "I guess I just… I don't know. I went and saw Obi-Wan—"
"Master Obi-Wan," I corrected him.
"Excuse me. I went and saw Master Obi-Wan, and he set me straight about all this." Kasen explained.
I held my breath. "He 'set you straight'?"
"Yeah," Kasen nodded, "he told me how to relinquish attachment."
I wanted to laugh. "Did he now?"
"Yeah," he said, sounding slightly annoyed. "Why, need some advice?'
I did laugh now. "…Basically."
"Well, don't ask me," he laughed. "I still struggle sometimes."
"I think we both do," I added, but wanted to kick myself. Could I sound any more suggestive?
"It's just part of being human," Kasen shrugged. "It's something even Jedi can't always grow out of."
"Yeah," I agreed.
We both got quiet, so I just added a quick, cordial goodnight before moving to walk past him, indoors.
But he stopped me by gently reaching out and squeezing my heart—uh, hand.
"Keelee," he said softly.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, willing old feelings not to surface.
Boy, I suck at that.
"Yes?" I squeaked.
"How about a friendly Master-Padawan hug, you know, for old times' sake?"
I breathed a loud inward sigh of relief. "Sure, Master Johl," I joked.
He reached out and I stepped in, and he held me there, just so—not too close but not too far. I could feel his heartbeat.
It made me nervous.
I pulled away.
"Goodnight, Kasen," I said quickly.
"Goodnight, Keelee." The little bit of light I could see in his eyes revealed the deep sadness in them.
I started to turn away, but then I felt the sadness.
"Kasen… what's wrong?"
He sighed. "Nothing, Keelee. Go to sleep."
"I don't believe you," I said boldly, crossing my arms and planting my feet apart.
"Just go to sleep, Keelee. I'll be fine." He forced a smile.
"Tell me," I pleaded gently. I heard him sigh again.
"One of the ways to relinquish attachment that Master Obi-Wan and I came up with… was leaving for a while."
My heart sank.
"Leaving for a while…?"
"Yes," Kasen nodded. "I'm going to go into seclusion somewhere."
"How long will you be gone?"
"However long it takes," he ran a hand through his dark hair. "Months, years…"
Anton's right… I am a heartbreaker. I could kick myself.
But I didn't mean to… any more than he did!
I am one screwed-up Jedi. No wonder I was never a Padawan.
"I'm so sorry, Kasen." I breathed sadly.
"I'm not," he smiled, reaching up and brushing my cheek with his hand. "This is something I have to do. It's not just you, Keelee. I have a lot of things to work out, and Master Obi-Wan and I believe this is the best way to handle it."
"Well, you must do as our Master says," I smiled, squeezing his hand. This time there was no earthy warmth to it, it was more of a sisterly action, as if I were squeezing Keeloh's hand…
"I will miss you," he said, echoing my thoughts.
"I'll miss you, too," I agreed, trying not to cry.
"I'm leaving in the morning, so I can say goodbye to everyone. But I wanted you to know first."
"I appreciate that," I sighed.
"Now… Goodnight, Keelee."
"Goodnight, Kasen."