Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
Hey-la people, welcome to the new chapter. I LOVE YOU ALL! GUYS! I got so many reviews last chapter i am in awe! THANK YOU!
Okay, so i noticed that people have commented on how fast i have been updating. Well you can all thank my wonderful beta, amazing friend and my encourager for this story. MidnightEmbryMisery. She gets me writing so you guys can read, she helps me write. She helps inspire me and make the chapters come to life. Her stories are addicing so check them out and thank her for writing suck mind blowing stuff. Everyone clap for her!! THANKS!
And onto the chapter.... Enjoy.
Maddy's POV
"Please! Just don't!" My small voice pleaded with them.
Frustrated with myself, I threw more clothes on the ground, missing my suitcases again. Grabbing the last shirt, I whipped it at the floor and heard a crack, followed by the sound of glass making contact with the hardwood floor.
Sighing, I sank to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and staring at the floor. Refusing to cry, I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers and tried to think of something else.
"Oh sweetie," Danielle cooed as she squatted down beside me, and rubbed soothing circles on my back.
"Okay, no Going-Away Party." Tara caved and sat down on my other side. Shaking my head, I released my nose from my grip, and let my hand fall upon my leg with a smack, "I know this is a stupid question to ask, but what's wrong?"
I fixated my glare on the wall across the room, and forced myself to breathe at a normal rate. I'm done crying. "He hasn't called or spoken to me in 4 days," my voice struck a disbelieving tone, "I ruined it, I ruined everything. And yet, I can't regret my decision." My brain couldn't find the correct words to express my inner turmoil.
Grinding my bottom lip between my teeth, I attempted to relax my stiff frame and let them console me. The attempt failed, I knew I deserved every second of stabbing pain and each piercing point of guilt.
"Why are you going back?" Danielle whispered in my ear with hesitance, as if I was a ticking bomb. In some ways, I suppose she had it right. No one can hold everything in forever.
Taking a deep breath, I thought about it. "I guess… because right now, I'm in the known zone." My hand gestures didn't seem to be helping my explanation. Rubbing my temples, I looked over at them, hoping to God that they used sextuplet telepathy and somehow understand my vague justification.
"What prey tell is a 'known zone'?" Tara questioned with a confused look on her face.
Smiling softy for the first time this week, I chewed on my lip. "To me… the known zone isn't something I'm… comfortable with… I don't feel safe in the known zone." My eyes pricked as Paul's laugh rang through my head, a reminder that he was the known.
Closing my eyes, I let out a shaky breath and spoke again, "Because when you're in the known zone, the chance of getting hurt is greater. If someone you know inside and outside changes and ends up hurting you, it makes it worse, since you had placed all your trust in them. But in the unknown zone, if someone was to change, it would go unnoticed because you wouldn't know what to look for; if they hurt you it wouldn't hurt as much because you never trusted them." My bottom lip began shaking as I listened to my own accusations.
Danielle let out a small gasp and wrapped her arm tighter around my shoulders. I let her hold my slumped form. Tara didn't speak and didn't move. I was afraid to look at her; Danielle was caring and would never go off on me when it came to this stuff. Danielle would hold me and tell me that everything will be fine, but Tara wasn't afraid to be harsh, to put people in their place even at their lowest.
Danielle's arms didn't loosen and I didn't pull away. The eerie sense of calm that had settled in the room was broken by Tara's snort. Her knees cracked as she stood and walked to stand in front of my curled-up form.
She shook her head with an expression that was complete emotionless, "You think he'll hurt you?" Her voice was flat, almost uncaring. And it would seem just that to a stranger but I knew my sister, she was holding in a lot of anger right now and it was best if she didn't blow.
I shook my head 'no' in a pathetic manner and felt Danielle pull me closer to her and hiss 'Tara'. Tara didn't spare Danielle one glance, she knew her reaction; it was mine she seemed intent on finding.
"Then what the hell was that whole monumental speech for Madeline?" Her tone grew harder and I saw the rage building in her eyes. I curled closer to Danielle looking for any form of protection.
Tara let out a small gust of air and looked at me with hurt and confused eyes, "You've changed." she stated in a fearful voice. I couldn't bring myself to look at her; I knew the emotion I would see would break my already-shattered heart.
"Tara, please. Let her be, this is hard enough for her without you going all Oprah on her." Danielle beseeched Tara, protectiveness invading her soft voice.
"Don't tell me you haven't noticed it Danny. I know you have," Tara's tone became fierce as she spoke with Danielle, "You've seen the way she acts around people, the way she speaks to others. She's changed, and I don't know this Maddy." Her voice faded away on the last words, hurt seeping through.
I processed her allegations while staring at the cold floor. Had I honestly changed? I twisted uncomfortably in Danielle's arms as I thought about this rationally.
"Tara now is not the time for this." Danielle's voice turned stern as she glared at Tara.
"When would be a good time Danny? When she is so far gone that none of us know her?" Her words stung, and I know she is only saying it because she cares, but that didn't soften the blow.
"Changed?" My voice was a small whisper of disbelief.
Tara's eyes landed one me and I saw them soften a little, "Yeah Maddy, you've changed." She told me in a fashion that suggested she was trying to hold back the words that were running though her head, trying not to hurt me more then necessary.
"When?" I asked again with a little more force and meaning.
"When you came home from Greece. The Maddy that left was independent and didn't take shit lying down. That Maddy kept her head high and said 'Screw you' to people who brought her down, she was a wonderful person who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to fight for it. Now you cry over things you created, push away the people who care, and watch your world crumble without so much as a final punch. You're different. The old Maddy wouldn't have let something like going to school tear her down, she would have gone back but she would have told Paul it was her dream and if he can't deal, then that's not going to stop you."
She paced as she spoke, not daring to watch my face crumple with realization. I looked up at Danielle for a conformation of Tara's words. She looked down at me with pain-stricken eyes and slowly nodded her head. My mouth popped open as I thought about their claims, they think I've changed. Maybe I have.
I thought back to the time before I left for school. I laughed more, I smiled, made bad jokes, was silly and carefree because I knew that, at the end of the day, I wasn't alone. That's what's changed. In this moment, I couldn't feel more alone if I was trapped in a dark cave somewhere in the remote regions of Alaska.
"Oh God," I whispered into the silently tense air.
I used to not doubt myself, just went with the flow because everything works out one way or another. But now I doubt myself everyday, doubt what I can do, doubt what I should be and I doubt those around me.
I need to trust people again. Aperio may have been a bastard, but he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of changing me, he isn't worthy of leaving a dent in my life.
"I'm sorry," I said to them with true honesty in voice. Danielle hugged me closer and kissed the top of my head. Tara smile down at me, she sat down beside me and grasped my hand in hers. I let out a small laugh, "I've been saying that too much lately."
Tara's smile grew as she nodded along with my statement, and Danielle let out an amused snort. "You know what?" I asked them without waiting for an answer, "Let's have some fun; this room is starting to feel like a prison cell without the delivered food." I made a face at the end and they both laughed.
It's time for this crying and overly-emotional Maddy to take a backseat. She had her run, and now the people are getting tried of her. Sorry emotional Maddy, but this is a hostile take-over, and I'm thinking Arby's.
Pfff… okay, not really, but I am still doing the hostile take-over part. I miss thinking about everything as a simple deadly armed military attack.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"Oh, hey Maddy." Embry answered the door with a strangely confused expression; guy never was the brightest crayon in the box.
I waved and tried to step around him but his huge annoying frame took up the whole freaking doorway, with the exception of a small space above his head. I have a feeling that if I used him as a rock climbing wall, only to slip though that tiny space, and then fall flat on my face after succeeding, would not help his confusion.
"What are you doing here?" Embry raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his broad chest. Another conformation I had changed, before I left, Embry wouldn't have dared ask me a question in that tone. He used to fear me.
He'll be fearing me again soon enough, "Excuse me? Why am I here?" I pointed to myself, "It's pretty self explanatory Embry. I'm here to speak with the other giant tanned man, whether the douche bag wants to see me or not. So please let me by…" I pushed out my bottom lip to make a nice puppy dog face.
He scoffed at me. Time for my favorite weapon, "Oh well, I'll just tell Tara I tried… she'll be disappointed, but I'm sure she'll forgive you at some point. I mean, my happiness is kinda super-important to her but…you getting in the way won't irk her that much…I think." I kept my face straight and pretended to be sorry for him.
His eyes grew wide and he jumped out of the way without so much as a noise. I smirked and walked right into the tiny house. Embry shut the door behind me and whispered, "Please don't tell her, that girl can hold a grudge." His voice wavered as the panic set in.
I snorted and nodded my head before marching right for the kitchen, the smell drifting though the open door was drool-worthy. Emily stood over the stove, armed with a spoon and a boiling pot of water. It was almost lunch so I can safely assume she was preparing the feast for the hungry animals of the town.
"Hey Em." I said casually as I took a seat at the small breakfast table across from the stove.
Her head snapped up and she whirled around to face me. Both her eyebrows shot up and her mouthed became an 'o'. She blinked, and then practically threw the innocent spoon at the ground. Running over, she bent down and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.
I hugged her back with as much force as I had, but she still had me beat. Her smiled was glowing as she looked at me, "Madeline Flynn, you came back here. What do I owe this wonderfully surprising pleasure to?" she asked as she took a seat across from me, her expression curious but happy nonetheless.
"I've come to speak with the rather large male that has irked me recently." I smiled an evil smile, and I let the old Maddy surge though my veins with a vengeance.
Emily's tinkling laugh echoed though the still house. I'd bet money there was more then three people eavesdropping right now, I'd get them later. "Well you've come to the right place, my dear. He has turned my spare room into the darkest pit of hell, or as he calls it, the 'The Crater of Bottomless Depression with It's Own Snow Cone Maker'."
I giggled at that name; I could picture Paul making a sign for the door. "Would you mind if I spoke with him? I've been craving a good snow cone for a while." I asked politely, not wanting to lose any manners while dealing with someone as sweet and caring as Emily.
She nodded and hugged me once more before searching for her abandoned spoon. I stood up and walked out of the kitchen. Embry and Quil sat in the living, staring at the TV as if it had just told them the secret of Emily's lemon pie. I cleared my throat and their heads snapped up to look at me with fake innocence plastered all over their lying faces.
"I know both of you were eavesdropping on Emily and I." They shared a quick look before shrugging their shoulders as if they had no idea what I was talking about, "Whatever, I know I'm right, but I am pressed for time so I will deal with you two later." I smiled at them with narrowed eyes.
They twitched uncomfortably under my gaze and I smiled wider, I miss the feeling of scaring people. Turing on my heel, I headed for the stairs and ran up them. Taking a deep breath, I looked down the wall, there were three doors.
I assume one is Emily and Sam's room; one must be a bathroom, leaving the third to be the 'The Crater of Bottomless Depression with It's Own Snow Cone Maker'. Looking closer, I rolled my eyes as I spotted a piece of paper duct-taped to one of the doors.
Moving, I stood in front of the door and read the sign. Sure enough, it had the wonderfully creative title Paul had come up with. I didn't know what I was going to say to him, I'd never thought it out. Winging it was more my style.
I banged my palm against the door three times, and waited in silence for a noise of movement, a signal that there was something alive in there. When no indication of life, I knocked again with more force and yelled at the slab of wood blocking my way, "Paul! Open this freaking door! We need to talk, and I am not leaving until we do!"
The door was ripped open only to reveal a rectangle of pure black. What the hell was this?
"Paul, what the mother f-" My protest was cut off by a strong hand jerking me into the room and slamming the door shut. I rolled eyes but I knew he couldn't see them, so I spoke, "Turn on a light; you're not a creature of the night."
He sighed, but shuffled until a small lamp became light; giving me the chance to see this 'Crater of Depression', and it screamed gloominess in every corner. My examination of the room stopped when my eyes fell upon Paul.
"Holy shit dude," I whispered as I took in his state. His cheery eyes had lost their spirit, and the black circles under them suggested he was in need of serious sleep. His posture was drooping and his shoulders were rounded as if he was supporting the weight of a truck on them.
Taking a step forward, with the purpose of hugging his thin frame, I tripped over some object that was still hidden by the dark curtain the light didn't reach. The falling sensation took over and instinctively I placed my hands in front of my face in an attempt to shield it from any harm.
No harm came to me, as two large warm arms wrapped around my waist and halted my descent. Paul pulled my body straight up, and with a small hesitation, he unwrapped his arms, taking a step back. I hid the look of hurt from my face, and stepped forward so I was closer to him. He looked away from my face while I tried to make eye contact. What was going with him?
"Paul, look at me." I tried to sound forceful, and I knew it came across as stern, but I need to speak with him, and I wasn't going to with him continuing his sulky behavior. He didn't follow my command, so I reached up to place my palm on his cheek. Slowly and gently, I pushed his face sideways. There was no fight as I moved it so I could see his eyes again.
His mouth was pressed into a thin line and his eyes shifted from my face to above my head. Sucking in a gulp of air though my nose, I tried to force any trace of emotion from my face. "Talk to me." I demanded with a hint of desperation leaking through.
He glanced at me for a second, but the emotion in his eyes hit me with force. He was in pain, he was scared and he had a built a wall between what he wanted to feel and the emotions he faked. He opened his mouth slightly, but it snapped shut a second later.
"Okay, I'll start." I sat down on the bed behind him. Pushing some junk out of the way, I made myself comfortable. "My sisters finally got through to me today. They got me see how much I've changed, and not in a good way. I've become a sad, pathetically emotional pushover, where I used to be independent and strong. I realized that I let Aperio hurt me more then I ever showed. I let his actions break me down and keep me there, and I know the old me would never do that," I took a second to look at his face.
His eyebrows were pushed together and his mouth was turned down. Then I caught a glimpse of something, the thing I needed. There was a small, almost unnoticeable, spark of joy in his otherwise bleak eyes.
Smiling softly, I patted the spot beside me, motioning for him to take a seat. He pursed his lips, but finally took a seat.
Running a hand though my hair, I looked at him and continued where I left off, "All of that got me thinking that I am done being like this. I am done crying over something I brought upon myself. Aperio hurt me, but like hell am I going to let that affect me anymore. But that still leaves my current situation." His eyes stayed fixated on mine while I talked, but suddenly darted away at the mention of the current problem.
Sighing, I looked down and spotted his hand. Without thinking, I reached over and wove my fingers though his. "This is the situation I'm talking about Paul. I care about you and this decision was not made to hurt you, I'd never do that. I'm going back for one reason, and it's a simple one. This is my dream, getting my degree in the arts is something I've wanted for a long time. Now, either you support my decision and watch me go, or you don't."
So there it is.
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