Chapter 21

Somewhere in her subconscious mind, Jaime was hearing strains of the old, favorite lullaby. Too-ra, loo-ra, loo-ra... - but she was no longer singing it to her daughter. The lovely, lilting melody was in her mother's voice! Mesmerized, Jaime tried to follow the comforting sound...toward what she hoped were her mother's waiting arms. But...where was she? Was she...dead? It was so dark; where was the bright tunnel of light everyone always talked about? Jaime listened closely and could hear her mother still singing to her - and she blindly followed the music...moving further and further away from the body on the operating table...

''Steve, whatever happened between you and Anna in the past,'' Mark began, ''even if you slept with her -''

''Let's not even go there, Doc,'' Steve interrupted.

''What I'm saying is that even if it did, you would still not be at fault for what's happened to Jaime. You need to know that - and believe it!''

They talked for awhile - about the things Anja had said and about what Steve had done to get the confession. They went for coffee and then back to Mark's office to talk some more. Steve hadn't realized just how much he'd needed the help...until he'd finally begun talking. Suddenly, he sat bolt upright in his chair.

''Oh God!'' he gasped.

His change of demeanor was so startling that Mark rose to help him. ''What is it?''

''They...they're losing her!'' Steve jumped from his seat and dove for the door so quickly that he tripped and banged his head - hard - on the door as he opened it. He immediately sank to the floor, unconscious.

Jaime looked back behind her, expecting to see herself lying on the operating table (as she had when she'd 'died' before) because instinctively she knew something had happened to her again...but this time, all she saw was darkness in every direction...although she could still hear her mother's voice.

Too-ra, loo-ra, loo-ra - hush now, don't you cry...

Suddenly, she felt a hand in her own and knew from the tender feeling who it was. ''Steve? What...how did you get here?''

''I'm not sure,'' he told her, very confused. ''Where are we?''

''I think...I'm dying.''

''I hit my head,'' he explained. ''Must have been bad, if I'm here.''

''Do you hear that?'' Jaime asked softly.

Too-ra, loo-ra, loo-ra...

''Is that...your mother?'' Steve asked slowly.

''Yeah.'' Jaime was surprised by how calm she felt. (Perhaps it was because of the song.) ''I think she wants me to go to her, Steve. And...I think it's time.''

''Except, if I'm here too - does that mean...we're both going?'' Steve was not quite as calm.

''I don't know. Are you - maybe - here to take me back?''

''Clamp!'' Michael said urgently. ''And I need more suction; can't see what I'm doing here!''

Rudy quickly moved in to help. The line on the monitor was flat - and wailing almost mournfully. They worked together in near-perfect synchronicity - the mentor and his former protege - for several minutes and yet their efforts appeared fruitless.

''She's...gone, Michael,'' Rudy choked out in his grief.

''The hell she is; we're not done here yet!''

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li...
Oft in dreams I wander
To that cot again,
I feel her arms a-huggin' me
As when she held me then.

''It sounds so beautiful, Steve!'' Jaime exclaimed, squeezing his hand. ''So...peaceful. I wish I could see her!'' Her mother's voice sounded closer now, but still all Jaime and Steve could see was darkness so black that they felt blind.

''She always made the best cookies in the world,'' Steve remembered. ''Maybe she still does.'' The song was beginning to calm him now too - and pulled them both forward.

''Steve...when I died before, there was a light - just like people always say there is - and then I saw my mom and dad...and Puzzles. They were waiting for me. Why is it so dark?''

''Maybe because this isn't right. This isn't how it's supposed to be...''

The best doctors at National - the ones he'd normally call for help - were in the OR, working on Jaime, but Mark watched as the very best physicians from the Emergency Room began to work on Steve.

''I don't understand it,'' he said (mostly to himself). ''He only hit his head.''

''He hit it just hard enough - and in the wrong place,'' one of the doctors said over his shoulder as he helped tend to the stricken man.

Mark stared at the offending door. There hadn't even been any blood! What the hell was happening?

Too-ra, loo-ra-, loo-ra...

Suddenly, Steve stopped in his tracks - holding Jaime there with him. ''Listen...'' he whispered.

From somewhere in the abyss that surrounded them, they could hear a second sound: Becca crying!

''We can't leave her,'' Steve said slowly.

The pull toward her mother was so strong...but this 'pull' was nearly irresistible. ''Steve...who would take care of her? We...we can't leave her all alone!''

''She needs us,'' Steve agreed. He was already stepping back in the other direction...but Jaime (still with a grip on his hand) stood stock-still. ''Sweetheart,'' Steve said softly, ''we have to go back.''

''But...my mother,'' Jaime whispered. As she initially allowed Steve to pull her backward, the comforting, inviting song was beginning to grow fainter. ''Steve...I...I have to go.''

''Becca needs us; we can't leave her. Not now. Maybe that's why it's so dark. This isn't really our time. She needs us, Jaime!''

''She needs one of us,'' Jaime said almost sadly...as she let go of Steve's hand.