Chapter 21: Clandestine

A/N: Hi all! Sorry that it took so long to update. I got stuck on how exactly I wanted this story to progress and so I worked on about 10-12 chapters of detailed outlines in the past two weeks. It's finals week now! I'm sure you know how that goes... Anyway, I couldn't help myself. I had to escape my responsibilities for a day... so here's a pretty mission-centric chapter! And thanks soooo much for all the reviews! You're all so kind. Alumys, I certainly let out a tiny giggle when I saw that you had to come back and comment twice after a few minutes. Thank you thank you! :)

Sakura sat with her legs crossed at the cafe closest to campus, drinking coffee and observing her surroundings. It was Wednesday. She was waiting for Sayuri, who had instructed her to meet here the after suddenly being called out of class. Finally, Sayuri had walked slowly through the door. She looked relatively impassive, a faint smile that seemed to permanently rest on her lips-yet when her eyes scanned the room for Sakura, she saw interest finally cross her face. As soon as Sayuri saw her, she rushed over and took a seat in front of Sakura.

"Sayuri-san," Sakura greeted.

"Haruna-san, thanks for coming," she added, gently waving down a waiter with her hands.

"Of course," Sakura responded as one of the workers quickly brought a small menu for her to order from.

"May I have a small chai tea latte please?" she asked the waiter, then turning her attention to Sakura.

"Where did you go during class?" Sakura asked curiously, then picking up her cup to take a sip of her coffee.

"Ah," she began, "nothing important. Administration just wanted to talk to me about my business potential."

"Business potential?" Sakura instinctively thought about Zenhichi's son who suddenly disappeared after supposedly leaving town to start his business.

"Yeah, no big deal," she concluded, waving her hand to dismiss the topic. Sakura figured she'd pry more as they went, but was careful not to push too hard. The waiter then dropped off Sayuri's drink, who immediately picked it up, blew on the top, and began to sip delicately.

"Well?" Sayuri asked as eagerly as her hushed voice could manage. Her eyes almost seemed to twinkle with anticipation as she leaned forward and rested her chin upon her palm. Sakura tilted her head inquisitively. "How did he respond to the painting?"

Sakura leaned back into her chair, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck as she smiled and chuckled nervously. With her free hand, she reached for the coffee mug, but didn't lift it.

"Hmmm," Sayuri mused as a response to Sakura's silence, intonation rising toward the end. She seemed to squirm giddily in her chair as the sound of her hums indicated that Sayuri had come to a very particular conclusion about Sakura's night. "I see," she inferred with a wide smile.

Well, she wasn't entirely wrong. Sakura could not control the furious hue of red that graced her face.

"Don't be ashamed, Haruna-san," she giggled, eyes closed as she smiled. "You're married after all."

"I-it's not that…" Sakura replied hesitantly. And in that moment, she wasn't entirely sure what "it" was she had referred to.

As Sakura stood in front of the bathroom mirror, she leaned forward and stretched her chin out, exposing her neck and prodding delicately at the red blotchy skin on her neck left from Kakashi's bite. She thought back to that moment-the undeniable heat shared between them in that moment. Her cheeks instantly flared with a touch of pink. This mark on her neck was irrefutable proof that last night had happened-that their relationship was absolutely no longer platonic-that she and Kakashi had ultimately admitted their feelings for one another.

What had happened last night was not the result of teasing. It was not the result of trying to out-seduce the other. What had happened was the genuine result of their emotions for the other person.

She felt something for Kakashi: it was something real, something tangible. So tangible that it threatened to burst out of her chest every time she thought about him, his touch, his smile.

And the blush did not retreat from her face. She considered how sweet he had been when she had asked him to stop, how he had held her as she cried in his arms after coming to the complete realization that Sasuke was no longer the only man in her heart.

Eventually he had gently called her name. Sakura had looked up from his chest with eyes rimmed in red, meeting his warm and ever-caring glance.

"Let's go to bed..." he suggested softly. She stared at him without response. When he lifted his hand and stroked the top of her head, moving wet strands of hair sticking to her cheek behind her ear, she knew that his intentions were innocent. She nodded slowly. Kakashi took her hand then and guided her into the bed. Sakura sat down, still peering up at him almost curiously. She watched as his figure moved around the bed frame and onto his side by the window until he climbed into the bed beside her. Once he pulled his long legs onto the mattress, he looked in her direction, smiling warmly with his mask scrunched up beneath his chin.

That smile, Sakura thought. How could he have hidden it for all these years? She wondered if she was staring at him in awe, and she wondered if he minded. Suddenly, Kakashi's hands moved to brush her cheek, wiping away dried salt trails that had crystallized.

He broke eye contact for a moment, turning to grab a pencil from the bed stand before chucking it in the direction of the light switch. Sakura's head snapped in the direction of the light switch to follow the movement, and in an instant, they were in the dark. His aim was impeccable-as it always had been.

Afterwards, he leaned back against the headboard and slid down into the sheets. He threw the sheet over Sakura's legs, and she watched the silhouette of his body in front of the illuminated window blinds.

"I won't bite," he whispered jokingly, attempting to make light of their night. "We don't even have to sleep back-to-back tonight, promise..."

Relaxing a little, Sakura leaned back and slid down too. She faced him for a moment, the back of her hand tucked between her cheek and her pillow. Kakashi moved his body to mirror hers-both of them looking at each other in the dark.

Given the way the night had unfolded, the few inches of distance between them felt like miles. Her heart felt full and empty simultaneously. There was a strange happiness that consumed her in having admitted her feelings, and having object of her affection return them. It was much like Sayuri had said-something about being a teenager in love for the first time.

But of course, in addition to that, she had also felt the pull and guilt of her commitment to Sasuke. And in an instant, the tears began to sting again before pooling on the bridge of her nose, and spilling over the edge. She saw Kakashi's eyebrows crease upwards at the center, but the gentle look did little to ease her. Instead, it seemed to add to her struggle-because all she really wanted right now, in this moment, was Kakashi.

"Can you... hold me?" She croaked out, stifling a sob as she asked.

Kakashi instantly scooted forward and wrapped his arm around her head, pulling her close.

"All night... if you want me to," he whispered softly. She felt the vibration of his voice in his chest; it soothed her, and although she said nothing in return, she knew that his arms were like a safety net. It was exactly where she wanted to be.

And he had held her all night. When she woke up in the morning, Kakashi was still asleep. She took a moment to stare at his face-which he somehow managed to cover again during the night-and she couldn't resist the small upward curl of her lips. She slowly lifted his arm from her waist and placed it on the space between them as she wiggled out. She heard his breath change-he must've awoken, she thought-but he kept his eyes clothes and nuzzled his head into the pillow, pulling his arm back as she slipped out of the sheets.

But now, as she stared at her image in the bathroom mirror, the proof of her infidelity, no matter how small, was staring back at her. She had kissed another man and liked it. She had willingly slept in the arms of another man that she now knew she had romantic feelings for.

She had crossed a line-and now the question was: is it possible to go back?

She heard shuffling outside the door, and the sound of faint hammering. Kakashi must be up. She quickly shook her thoughts away and focused again on the mark. Placing her palm on her neck, she began to channel chakra, clearing the blood that had collected underneath her skin and removing any evidence or trace of her betrayal to Sasuke.

She needed to see him. And she would. Because tomorrow was Thursday, and Thursday was when Sasuke was supposed to return.

When Sakura had exited the bathroom, she found Kakashi carefully hanging the painting on the wall by the bed, right above their dresser.

"What are you..." Sakura began asking.

Kakashi turned over and smiled brightly, as if nothing had happened, as if he were completely unbothered by the events that had taken place. He had successfully hung and secured the canvas on the wall, and now had his hands on his hips as if he were proud of his work.

"Well, it's mine, isn't it?" he asked cheerfully. Sakura blushed lightly and nodded in response.

"Haruna-san?" called Sayuri, breaking Sakura from her thoughts.

Sakura blinked a few times and came into her awareness. She looked at Sayuri absently for a moment, and then recognized that she was still here, at a coffee shop, sitting with the person she was supposed to be collecting information from.

But even with the mission in place, Sakura recognizes that Sayuri was really the only person she could even talk to Kakashi about. And although she couldn't tell her everything, what she could say was enough to relieve herself of keeping her emotions entirely pent up. Given her dilemma between Sasuke and Kakashi, she couldn't help but ask out of genuine interest: "Sayuri-san, have you ever been in love?"

For a moment, Sayuri's kind and gentle face seemed to droop into a light frown and Sakura wondered if Sayuri was willing to talk about these things herself. But with a few blinks, her eyes softened and her lips curled upwards again.

"Yes…" she admitted quietly. Sayuri's amethyst eyes seemed to drift down towards the table without a particular focus, fingers twirling around the tips of her lilac hair.

Sakura leaned forward in the same manner than Sayuri had, expectant, waiting for an answer.

"He's… intelligent. Accomplished. He's simply amazing," she praised quietly. "I work hard to be noticed by him."

"Do you mean… through your painting?"

Sayuri nodded. "He comes to see me sometimes. He makes me feel like he's never known anyone more passionate about their work. He makes me feel like I could be something. Like I have a future outside of this town. And when he leaves..." She paused, "my body feels almost enchanted… like I just finished a piece I'd been working on for so long."

"Oh," Sakura smiled, thinking that she too insinuated something sexual with her bashfulness.

Sayuri attention suddenly shifted up to meet Sakura's eye with flushed cheeks. "That's not it," Sayuri giggled modestly. "It's his voice," she concluded. "His voice alone just… seems to move straight to my heart."

When she heard Sayuri's words, Sakura instinctively understood too well. The vibration of Kakashi's voice during moments of intimacy seemed to do exactly the same thing, and in remembering this, Sakura couldn't help but soften the look she gave to Sayuri. And although this wasn't necessarily related to the mission, Sakura justified the conversation by simply getting closer to Sayuri, like she'd be willing to say more-if there was more-as long as she earned her trust.

"It is Itsuki-san?" Sakura asked gently yet enthusiastically, remembering the day they barged into class together. "He seems to really care for you."

"No," Sayuri chuckled, hand moving to cover her mouth as she laughed lightly. "Itsuki-kun has always paid extra attention to me, and perhaps he loves me, but… I've known him since we were children." Sakura instantly thought of teenage Naruto as she explained her relationship. "His mother is the local baker. He's more of a brother to me," she informed Sakura.

"I see," Sakura responded warmly. "Well, if you don't mind me asking-if it's not Itsuki…?"

Sayuri paused for a moment, looking around the cafe before leaning forward to whisper. Sakura leaned forward to match her distance. "I'll tell you-since I accidentally made you uncomfortable earlier…. But please don't say anything?"

"I won't," whispered Sakura, who was attempting to match Sayuri's quiet volume and made Sakura feel like this was a considerable secret.

"I'm in love with Hisashi Masuyo," she breathed almost heavily, as if this secret had been weighing on her chest all this time and was finally being let free.

So many men have risked the prick of a thorn to behold the beauty of a rose.

"Kakashi!" Sakura barged through the door and swiftly slammed it behind her, hastily walking towards him on the couch where he sat having just finished a new short poem. The first thing that caught Sakura's attention was his uncovered neck. It seemed like she would never get over his bare face. He was still dressed in day clothes—his seemingly favorite olive v-neck sweater and black pants combo, which ultimately made him look like he missed his Konoha outfit a little too much. It seemed as though it hadn't been too long since he'd returned from his shift; his bag lay on the coffee table in front of him and his orange scarf was strewn over it.

Kakashi slowly laid his notebook facedown on his knee and looked up curiously, "Hey."

"This is urgent!" She almost shouted in a panicked excitement, forcing herself to focus solely on the mission. She stood in front of him and began pacing a short distance and she spoke. "Sayuri might be dating the Hisashi Masuyo—the head of the school itself!" And then she stopped, tapping her foot with her hands on her sides, eyebrows raised expectantly and waiting for his response.

To Sakura's dismay, he did not respond quite as enthusiastically: "So it seems like your hunch to target her paid off."

"Yes," Sakura confirmed almost impatiently, throwing her hands up. "We have to put her on a watch. We have to find out about the state of their relationship… then we can finally find out more about Masuyo!"

Other than the action of shutting his notebook and leaning forward onto his knees, Kakashi did not show anything but neutrality. He raised his eyebrows and simply agreed. "Okay, let's do it."

"Hmm," she muttered pensively. "I seem much more excited by this discovery than you do, you know?"

Kakashi smirked lightly and gave a short chuckle. "Can you blame me?" he asked. "If we are out doing spying rotations, there will be less time to spend at home with you."

This thought didn't cross Sakura's mind, but he was right. And she couldn't help herself but squirm from his comment and his unmasked smile, feeling the butterflies flutter within her.

"Don't say things like that, Kakashi…" she urged, lips curling slightly as she bashfully lowered her chin, trying to distract herself from his very attractive face. And that neck…

"I know, I'm sorry," he chuckled again, smiling with his eyes closed. "I'll take the initial watch. Besides, you went to class and found our lead. We can start real rotations tomorrow."

"Okay," Sakura nodded. "Thanks Kakashi." And then she watched him stand from the couch and move past her with his poetry book. When he opened the front door, he paused with his hand on the knob, looked back at Sakura and waved with his free hand.

"See you later, Sakura-chan," he called out softly. She smiled sweetly in response and he shut the door.

Sakura stared quietly at the door; as she remained immobile, she felt as though something was different about their interactions. Now that they had acknowledged that something was happening between them, there was something like a gravitational pull to him. Yet she was denying herself the gratification of that pull because of Sasuke. Surely, Kakashi had recognized that his comments since this morning had been flirty, and certainly passed the boundaries of friends. And although she truthfully enjoyed it, and although each time butterflies had been set aflutter, those butterflies were caged within her. She was not free to feel how she felt. And Sasuke—Sasuke and the Uchiha name was the cage.

Kakashi sat within a nearby tree, shielded by the leaves, swinging his leg over the side of a branch. Pakkun sat lethargically at the end of his foot, chin rested lazily over folded paws. Kakashi had quietly summoned Pakkun and some new pups-in-training to scout for Sayuri's whereabouts. They had no scent real scent to follow other than Kakashi's verbal indicators. He had informed them of her silvery-purple hair; he had also informed them about the faint scent of eucalyptus that he had picked up from her canvas in the house. It had taken the new pups approximately 30 minutes before they had communicated to Pakkun that she had been found.

And so for the last five hours, Kakashi had been seated in the tree adjacent to Sayuri's dark wooden mahogany home, not too far away from the eucalyptus tree that grew directly beside the home. It seemed to be one of the older homes in the village; it did not have the distinct red tiling that characterized the main square-clearly one of the newer additions to the village, or at least most recently renovated. Her roofing was an old classic black tile, worn down to an aged uneven gray. The windows were frosted too-one could see nothing beyond them other than the silhouette of the occupant as she passed through the light. And although Kakashi had something like an enhanced sense of smell, he couldn't necessarily hear anything important from this distance. To compensate, he had sent the nin-pups to sneak around the premises which had the explicit instruction to relay everything they heard to Pakkun, who would act as a filter before Kakashi was informed of anything.

But ultimately, nothing of importance had been relayed in the time he'd spent here. As he waited, he went through his poetry notebook, criticizing his work, thinking of Miyamoto-sensei's praise and suggestions. "Keep writing from the heart," he had suggested, as if Kakashi had been aware that he was doing so in the first place. Sayuri had not exited her home and no one had come to visit. It seemed as though she lived alone, perhaps explaining why she was so soft-spoken and ghost-like in her day-to-day life. The pups had reported silly things, like the shuffling of clothes or the creaking of floorboards. The most exciting part of this session was seeing Pakkun become irritable as he listened to the pups complain about the overbearing scent of eucalyptus and the sudden excitement of hunger as Sayuri began to cook her meal.

Finally, Sayuri's light turned off. The pups reported that she had gone to bed.

When Kakashi returned home, Sakura was lying downwards on the couch reading Icha Icha. Her legs were kicked up and oscillating in the air as she read. Her cheek was rested on a bent palm—a position she kept as her attention shifted from the book to Kakashi.

"You've taken a sudden interest," he commended quietly as he entered, Pakkun trotting in quietly behind him.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? Once I've started a story, I want to know how it ends," Sakura responded as she tilted her head further toward her palm, using the other hand to flip the book over and onto the couch to save her page. She would not, of course, admit that she found plight similar to that of Princess Ayame's.

"Where are you in the story?" he asked curiously. Sakura smiled and waved at Pakkun as they approached her, Kakashi seating himself onto the armrest of the couch near her.

"Mmm… sort of a slow part," Sakura responded dully. "Ayame is trying to give the Prince a chance to see if maybe she can go through with her arranged marriage after all."

"Ah," Kakashi replied. "The part where she tries to force herself to stop wanting Takeshi, right?"

Sakura nodded, eyes shifting away from him. "Mhm… anything interesting happen? And by the way, there's some katsu on the table for you."

"Nothing but the annoyance of newly trained puppies in our ranks… kids," Pakkun grumbled as he jumped up onto the couch, nesting himself in the space between Kakashi and Sakura.

Ignoring Pakkun's characteristic complaining, he continues to add: "Sayuri lives alone. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, seems like. Just a woman who is literally just living."

For a moment, a look of concern crossed her face. Sakura quickly concluded that the grandmother Sayuri had spoken about had probably passed, leaving Sayuri without companion. "I see. Was she easy to find?"

"Yeah, she's just a few miles east from the coffee shop. Old dark brown house with black roofing… huge eucalyptus tree beside it… can't miss it."

"I'll wake up early tomorrow for a watch before she wakes up. And I'll have to notify you somehow to switch once I have to leave for my shift tomorrow. How will we communicate?"

Kakashi leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms. He raised an eyebrow in Pakkun's direction. "I'm thinking that Pakkun comes with me. You get a pup, Sakura-chan. They're cuter anyway."

"And how do you suggest I come with you to your class, Kakashi? It's not every day that a nin-dog walks around a town like this…" Pakkun raised his head from his paws, instantly looking displeased.

"I'll stuff you in my pack, of course," Kakashi said cheerily, smiling widely and stifling a chuckle.

After a short low growl, Pakkun refused: "No. You have asked me to do many things over the years of our contract, but being shoved in a tight bag for hours is where I cross the line, Kakashi."

"Oh, come on," he chuckled. "Not even for extra biscuits?"

"Not even for biscuits," he concluded, lifting himself on the couch to stand on all four legs. "I'm much too old for something like this…" And then Pakkun disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Sakura giggled with a hand in front of her mouth. "Did you really think he would agree to that?"

"It was worth a shot," he shrugged, sliding down to the space that Pakkun once occupied on the couch.

Sakura pushed herself onto her arms to make space for him, dragging the book closer to her, and then folding a page before shutting it. "I have an idea," she added, now sitting on top of her legs which were folded beneath her. Sakura lifted a hand to bite her thumb, drawing a little bit of blood before slapping her hand down onto her thigh. A small black summoning circle sprawled across her skin before a tiny white and green slug appeared on her lap.

Kakashi remained seated with his arms crossed, watching Sakura with a raised brow and increased interest.

"Katsuyu-sama," Sakura called with a smile.

"Sakura, it's been so long," Katsuyu spoke in a pleasantly surprised tone, slithering around to face Sakura. "I'm so happy to see you after all these years." Then she turned her head to face Kakashi, who gave her a silent salute and a closed-eye smile. "And you too, Kakashi."

"Yes, I haven't been on a mission since having my daughter," Sakura replied almost regretfully. "But I need your help now, if you are willing."

"Of course," she accepted, turning her attention back to Sakura.

"It's an easy job, but I need you to act as a communication medium between Kakashi and I. We are on a long term reconnaissance mission, and I need you to be hiding with both of us tomorrow so that we can communicate from afar. Is that okay with you?"

"Sounds easy enough," replied, splitting herself into two. The newly formed half made its way across the couch and onto Kakashi's lap.

"Thank you, Katsuyu-sama. I'll summon you again in the morning."

"Until then," and then Katsuyu was gone.

"Good idea," Kakashi admitted, moving his hands into pockets. "She's much more accommodating than Pakkun."

Sakura stood up from the couch and began to stretch her arms. "Yeah… well I understand why he said no, but I think I'm going to head to bed. I have an early start."

Kakashi nodded with a smile. "Okay, I'm going to eat and shower first, and then I'll meet you there. Thanks for the food, Sakura."

She smiled back and then turned to head towards bed. The two of them moved in silence: he swiftly moved to turn on the bathroom light and then turn off the main lighting for her, and she shuffling into the sheets. Once she was in, she turned her back away from Kakashi, who had just taken a seat facing away from her at the dining table.

This time, their interaction had been terse. She had done so purposefully, and she wondered if he had noticed… because Sakura couldn't bring herself to interact with him normally. They were expecting to see Sasuke tomorrow, and she was hoping seeing Sasuke could somehow make her course clear again—for him. And so how could she be so open and seemingly happy with Kakashi now?

But there was one thing weighing over her conscience. And as she lay in bed, deep in thought, her eyes were held wide open as if she were lost to them, guilt prying them open, listening to the sounds of her partner behind her.

Tonight would be the first time ever that Sakura hid something from Kakashi. Tucked securely into her bra had been the tiny mission scroll that Sasuke's hawk had delivered while Kakashi was out. She knew when and where they were to meet Sasuke, but she was hiding it from him—she was going to lie to Kakashi. She had to. This time, she desperately felt like she needed to see Sasuke alone—alone and without the gaze of the man whose smile threatened to tear her heart away from her real husband.

She clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to sleep, but her mind was racing. Would Kakashi be upset with her tomorrow? Did it matter anyway? Would Sasuke be surprised? Would he be upset by her solo advance? Would he tell her-as he always has-not to let her feelings get in the way of this mission?

But Sasuke didn't and wouldn't know her real feelings. He couldn't possibly understand that the mission almost nurtured these feelings. But how could he possibly understand if she didn't really understand?

She had to do this. She needed to know that the spark between her and her husband was still there.

And so, she kept her eyes clamped shut, attempting to think of nothing but failing as she listened to Kakashi eat the meal that she cooked for him.

Kakashi, she thought within her as she listened to his movements. I hope you understand…

He had never felt so far from her, but she knew that it was she who was creating the distance.

A/N: I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but it's probably because it's more of mission chapter. Also, since my writing strength is writing feelings (and not missions), when I'm purposely trying to suppress the feelings between the two characters, my writing feels different to me. While I was writing this, I definitely felt some distance between them. I hope that comes across and that it's not just me simply because I'm writing it. It's supposed to be intentional and I hope I succeeded. Anyway, as I mentioned, pretty mission-centric. Some feelings but not a lot. A lot more secrets and hiding instead. Anyway, I think after she sees Sasuke, there will be a lot more mission stuff than we are used to seeing at this point, but it'll be necessary since it's a mission after all, and there are ultimately two storylines here. I'll try to get the Sasuke chapter in soon! Especially because winter break is coming up, so here's to hoping I can update a lot!