Quietly Adama sat in his quarters. He would return to CIC in a few minutes. He wasn't sure if he was ready for it, but for the sake of his crew, his family, he had to pretend he was. He didn't remember much of the last time he was in CIC ... when he had been shot by one of his most trusted pilots. He didn't remember talking to her right before it happened, he didn't remember the shots or the pain afterwards. Though he was pretty sure he was dreaming of it every night. He hadn't slept very well since he had woken up in sickbay a week ago.
The only thing he remembered was Lee, standing in CIC, handcuffed. He remembered the look of uncertainty in his son's eyes and he remembered the anger. His own as well as Lee's. He would never forget that look in Lee's eyes. It wasn't the same anger he had seen after Zak's death. This was different. Lee hadn't only been angry at his father, he had been angry at his Commander as well. Angry ... and disappointed, disillusioned even. And somehow that was even worse.
This feeling suddenly made Adama furious. Lee had no right to feel angry at him. He wasn't the one who had committed mutiny against this own flesh and blood. Lee had betrayed him. Instead of talking with him about his doubts, he had sided with Roslin and threatened his commanding officer. He didn't think that Lee would have pulled the trigger, but the fact alone that he had raised his gun against Tigh made him a traitor. His own son ... a traitor. He would have never thought this was possible.
A little voice in his mind told him that Lee hadn't been the only one who had made mistakes that day. He himself had tried to overthrow the government in an illegal act. He had boarded the President's ship and had thrown her in the brig ... probably not one of his wisest moves. But he pushed those thoughts in the back of his mind. It didn't matter what he had done; Lee had betrayed him and that was all that mattered. If he had decided to side with Roslin, then she could keep him. He didn't need a son like that.
His heart broke at that thought. He could tell himself as often as he wanted to that he didn't need his son, deep down he knew that wasn't true. Did Lee know that too? He asked himself when was the last time he had told his son he loved him. Had he ever said the words? He couldn't remember.
When he stepped into CIC, everyone greeted him with applause. It filled his heart with pride. He saluted and shook as many hands as he could. When it got too much for him, he raised his hands to stop the applause and spoke in as strong a voice as he could muster.
"Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm glad to be back." He looked around CIC and watched his crew for a moment. "There are things we don't say often enough. Things like what we mean to one another. All of you mean a lot to me. I just want you to know that. Let's get back to work."
As everyone in CIC applauded him for his words, Adama tried to ignore the feeling that he wanted to say those words not to his crew, but to his son.
He noticed Tigh standing next to him again and started speaking quietly. "I feel strange. Like ..." He paused for a moment. "... closer to the ground."
"You should check in with the doctor." Tigh replied worriedly. He had been relieved at first when Adama had told him he was coming back, but seeing him now he wondered if it wasn't still too early.
Adama ignored him. He couldn't afford to show any weaknesses now. He had been weak before. If he had been harder, stronger, then maybe Lee would have followed his orders instead of going against them. If he had been a better father, would Lee have still done the same? Again that thought send a stab of pain through his heart. He couldn't think like that now. There were more important things. But it was harder than he thought to push his son out of his mind. This had been easier before the attacks, when Lee wasn't that big a part of his life. And he felt guilty for that too.
He had always been proud to know about everything that went on on his ship. Lee was now a part of the Galactica and yet he hardly knew anything about his son. Frak, right now he didn't even know where he was. And he needed to know at least that. He wasn't sure why, but not knowing his son's whereabouts scared him. He needed to know where he was.
"Mr Gaeta, where do you think they are now?" He told himself that he had only asked because of military reasons. They needed to find Lee and Roslin and end this all. And of course it would be nice if he could give some answers to his daughter-in-law who was desperate to have her husband back. There were lots of reasons why he needed to know the location of Lee. None of it had to do with Lee being his son.
"The stolen Raptor with Captain Adama, the former President.." Gaeta started but Tigh interrupted him sharply.
"The fugitives!"
Adama flinched slightly at this word. His son was a fugitive.
"The fugitives ... " Gaeta rolled his eyes as he continued. "... docked at Cloud Nine last week. We effectively lost them at that point due to the large volume of inter-fleet traffic going to and from Cloud Nine."
"Right now they could be holed up anywhere in the fleet." Tigh said gruffly.
"I want them found." Adama said with more force than he had anticipated. He quickly regained his composure. "She was dangerous enough as a symbol of resistance, but now with Lee helping ..."
He stopped. It was the first time he had spoken his son's name out loud since he had woken up. Alicia had actually accused him of not saying his name. She had screamed at him just this morning that he wasn't doing enough to get him back. That he didn't want to have him back. But that wasn't true. Of course he wanted him back. He was his son.
Adama could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. Gods, what was wrong with him. He was a military leader. He wasn't supposed to cry in CIC. He wasn't supposed to cry at all; especially not about a traitor. Clearing his throat he went on. "I want to search every ship in the fleet. Quarantine Procedures. Isolate the ship out of the main body. If it's clean, we keep it quarantined away from the rest of the fleet. She can hide but she can't run." He refused to say Roslin's name. He told himself that it wasn't necassary. Everyone knew who he was talking about. He didn't need to say her name out loud.
XXXXXXX
Staring at the empty wall in front of her, Alicia sat in Cottle's office. She felt tired. For a week now she had tried to go through with it. She had tried to be strong. Since she had found out about her pregnancy, she hadn't taken any more medications. She could feel the changes. It was harder to get out of bed every morning, she had trouble concentrating on her work. At some times during the day she felt as if she was full of energy and she had so many ideas but never went through with any of them. Then she felt tired again, exhausted. She couldn't even really care for her daughter. Most of the time Mathilda was looking after her.
After the first day she had wanted to talk to Elosha. When she had been told that Elosha was on the run with Roslin and Lee, she had wanted to scream. It felt like all the people she had relied on had left her. She couldn't talk to Layne ... she was still mourning her husband, it didn't feel right to burden her with her problems. And she didn't want to talk to Mathilda. She was already taking care of her child, she didn't want her to start taking care of her too. But she needed to talk to someone. And when a woman from the Geminon Travelor had suggested another priest, Alicia had been more than grateful.
Brother Cavil came to see her every day since then. He was different than Elosha, but she trusted him. But even if it had felt good talking to him, he hadn't been able to help her. She was feeling worse every day and she had no idea when Lee would be back. If he would be back at all. She hadn't heard anything from him and it was driving her crazy. This morning she had screamed at her father-in-law and she had nearly screamed at Nia too. It had taken all her willpower to stay calm with her. She was afraid the next time she wouldn't be that strong.
So she had made a decision. She didn't really have another choice.
"Alicia, how are you?" Cottle asked as he stepped inside the office.
"What do you think?" She replied bitter. "I've made up my mind. I ... want to terminate."
"Are you sure? You haven't even had a chance to talk about this with your husband ..."
"Lee isn't here. Who knows when he will be back. I can't wait that long. This will have to happen now. And Lee will never know."
"This is his child too." Cottle pointed out.
"It's my body. That makes it my decision. I need the medication, you know that. So ..." She swallowed down the lump in her throat before she continued. " ... when can you do it?"
"I can schedule you first thing in the morning." Cottle said quietly. "But you might want to think about this some more. You ..."
"I thought about it for a whole week, Doctor." Alicia interrupted him determinedly. "I won't change my mind. Just get it over with."
XXXXXXX
Freezing Lee stood with Roslin, Zarek and Elosha just outside of a meat locker on the Kimba Huta. It wasn't the most comfortable hiding place, but he didn't think anyone would find them here anytime soon.
They were talking again about what they should do next. The Quorum still hadn't decided to openly support Roslin, so she was determined to make an appeal of some kind to the people. They were almost done with the meeting when Zarek turned to Lee.
"One more bit of news I should convey. Zeus has returned to Olympus. Adama is back in command."
"My father, he's, uhm ... back?" Lee asked shocked. A small smile slipped through the mask he had been wearing over the last few week. He suppressed it quickly, he didn't want Zarek to see what this information meant to him.
"Word just came in over the wireless." Zarek explained.
"He's a tough old bird." Roslin smiled relieved.
Lee walked a few steps away from them. He needed to be alone right now. His father would be all right. The whole week he had been worried about him. They had heard several rumors the past few days. Some said his father had died, but he had refused to believe that.
His father was alive and on the way to recovery, back in command even. That meant his family wasn't alone. Alicia could look after his father and he after her. They would be okay.
"What we really need is something heart felt."
Startled Lee looked up when Zarek started speaking again. He had almost forgotten he wasn't alone in the room.
"Something human and personal that will galvanise the people." Zarek continued. "Like a son ..." He looked at Lee excpactantly. "... denouncing his father."
Half an hour later Lee found himself standing in front of an old tape recorder. He couldn't believe that Roslin had actually talked him into this. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat before he began to read the message.
"My name is Lee Adama. Until recently I was the Commander of Galactica's Air Group but when Commander Adama, my father ..." He swallowed, not sure if he could really go through with this. He forced himself to go on. "... decided to stage a major military coup against the President, I could no longer support him ... or his actions." He paused again. This was more painful than he had anticipated. If his father didn't already feel betrayed by his former actions, he would definitly feel betrayed after hearing this. He could feel everyone watching him closely. He knew Roslin was counting on him. Taking another deep breath, he continued. "I love my father. I respect him. But in this he is wrong. He must be opposed. I call on all free thinking people in the fleet, I ..."
Lee stopped. He couldn't do this to his father. He might have been able to two months ago, but now, after everything that had happened ... He just couldn't. He stopped the recording and took the tape out. Then he turned to the others. "I can't do this. Sorry everyone. I thought I could but I can't."
He started to walk away, when Roslin called for him.
"Captain Apollo, please wait."
Sighing Lee stopped and turned back to her. "I won't do it."
"I understand that. You ..."
"With all due respect, Madam President, but you don't understand anything." Lee hissed through clenched teeth. He could feel the anger well up in him. He had kept these feelings for himself all week and right now he just wanted to let them out. He wanted her to understand.
Roslin was taken aback by the anger she saw in Lee's eyes. "Captain, what is this about?"
"It's about you."
"Me?" Surprised Roslin looked at him. This was not what she had accepted.
"I made a choice back on Colonial One to support democracy and the office of the President. I knew I was betraying my oath and my father. But you didn't back my play." Lee looked at her, the disappointment he had felt back then was clearly visible on his face. "You folded. You gave up withouth a fight. Well, my father is back on his feet and I will not be the one to knock him down. Not again.This is your fight, Madam President, and you need to fight it."
Roslin looked at him with a raised eyebrow. How dare he accuse her of not fighting? "Perhaps in the future, you will more carefully think through the consequences before committing yourself."
She had refused to look at Lee as she spoke. But when she turned to him again, she could see the pain in his eyes and she suddenly realized that he was right. He had given up everything to fight for her. He had betrayed his father, jeapordized his career and left his family. He had risked so much and she had let him down. At the time, she had only wanted to save lifes. She had thought it was the best to just give in.
She had always thought of herself as a though person. It was time she started to act like one again. It was time she started to fight. She had been afraid to take this step, but she realized that it was the only way.
"I'm playing the religious card. I know exactly what I have to do."
Smiling Zarek handed Roslin another tape. He would have enjoyed Lee denouncing his father, but he could use this to his own advantage as well.
Hesitantely Roslin stood in front of the tape recorder. "How does this thing work?"
XXXXXXX
Hesitantly Alicia knocked on Adama's hatch.
"Come in." She heard his gruff voice.
Slowly she opened the hatch and walked in. "Uhm, William ... Commander, can I talk to you for a moment?"
Surprised Adama looked up. "We're back to Commander know?"
Alicia smiled nervously. "No, I just ... after this morning ... I just wanted to apologize. The way I was behaving ..."
"We are all under a lot of stress." Adama interruped her quietly. "I know that this is a difficult situation for you. For all of us."
Alicia bit her lip and looked uncomfortably on the ground before she spoke again. "The last week has been hard, but ... It won't happen again. I ... haven't been feeling well the last week, but I'll be okay again in a few days."
She saw the question in Adama's eyes and tried to think of anything to make him forget about it. She only came here to apologize; she didn't want to discuss anything else with him. "I heard Roslin's speech."
"As did the whole fleet." Adama sighed.
"You think anyone will follow her?"
"No one will. She's crazy." Adama replied harshly.
"Lee followed her. And he is not a religious man."
"Lee is ..." Adama stopped. He wished he could understand Lee's motives for following Roslin. But then again, he had never really understood his son.
XXXXXXX
Zarek had offered that they'd jump to Kobol on the Astral Queen. They couldn't be sure that the Captain of the Kimba Huta would make the jump, even though he had assured them that he was a strong follower of Roslin.
They would jump in a few minutes and Zarek had insisted that Roslin spoke with the passengers, as he'd called them, of the Astral Queen. Lee was following them down a corridor to the main room of the ship. He couldn't forget his earlier conversation with Roslin. Her words that he should think more thouroghly about the consequences of his actions, his commitments before he did anything wouldn't leave his mind. He usually thought through everything he does. And the few times he didn't ... the consequences usually turned out harder to live with than expected.
When he had slept with Kara in the academy, he hadn't thought about the consequences. He had been ready to comit himself to her, no matter what. He had followed his feelings only to have them crushed the next morning. She didn't return the feelings he had for her, in fact, as it turned out, she loved his little brother. At the time he had thought he could just forget about it, but he couldn't. And as a consequence, every woman he met he compared to her. But no one was like her.
And then he had met Alicia. She was so different from Kara as anyone could be. And she loved him. He allowed himself to love her too and they had this easy relationship he had always yearned for. And then she had gotten pregnant and he had freaked. He couldn't think straight. The only thing he could think of was that he had to do the right thing. And that was marrying her. He had committed himself to spend the rest of his life with her, to take care of her and their child because it was the right thing to do. At the time he had thought it was the right decision.
When he had raised his gun to Tigh's head, he knew he had committed himself to Roslin. He would follow her wherever that would lead him ... which were straight to the brig as it turned out. But that hadn't changed his commitment. It had only been a rock on the street blocking his path ... He wouldn't back out of it just as he would never back out of his commitment to Alicia. He had made his decisions and he would live with the consequences. And he wanted her to know that.
"Madam President?" He called for her.
"Yes?"
"I just want you to know, whatever happens, I'll still watch your back." He said hesitantly.
Roslin smiled at him warmly. "Was there ever a question?"
Relieved Lee watched her turn around again and follow Zarek to the main room. There wasn't much that could shake his believe in her ... and it seemed it was the same for her. Somehow it felt good having someone believing in him so strongly, without doubting him.
One hour later Lee stood on the bridge of the Astral Queen. Twenty four ships had followed them to Kobol. That was almost a third of the fleet, much more than he had anticipated. He wondered what his father was thinking right now.
He shook his head. They were back at Kobol ... and now what? Were they just going to wait for Kara to return? From a Cylon occupied, radiated planet? He closed his eyes. Thinking of her was just too painful. The chances that she was still alive after all this time were just too small. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. He was sure Kara was dead. He would never see her again, never fight with her again, he would never get the chance to apologize to her ... he would never get the chance to tell her what she meant to him. He would never get the chance to commit himself to her ... even if it was only as a friend.
TBC
A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading :)