*** Marshall has a lot to think about, and Mary worries it's too much. And yet another problem rears its not so ugly head. ***

"Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone, Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own"

– Adam Lindsay Gordon

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares."

– Henry Nouwen

"What do you want for dinner? Chicken, pork, fish…lesbian bar?" Mary watched Marshall as he drove in a near trance-like state.

"What?" Marshall seemed to shake himself slightly as he looked over at her.

"That's what I thought. Where are you over there?" she asked.

Marshall considered his answer carefully. If he was honest with her, she'd be uncomfortable and probably withdraw. If he lied, she'd probably know. He attempted to only slightly blur the truth. At least start with the truth.

"Thinking about all the information we went through at the office. Wondering if there's enough there of interest for the ADA to bring charges, or if Brandi's going to collect yet another get out of jail free card."

Mary studied him for a moment too long, and Marshall glanced nervously in her direction. Suspicious was never a good look on her as it usually was followed by a swing. She surprised him this time.

"It was a mistake, wasn't it?" she asked with a sigh.

"I'm afraid I don't follow. What was a mistake?"

"Telling you to read my files." Mary watched him steadily to gauge his reactions. "I feel like I forced you to do something you didn't really want to do, and now you know things you didn't really want to know."

Mary wished she could erase the knowledge from his head. She wondered what good she possibly thought could come from opening those folders for him. Did she expect something more from him? Hadn't he given enough? Why did she make this harder on him when he was already wrestling his own demons from her circumstances? She watched his expression subtly change as he thought about her statement. Deciding on how much to reveal.

"No, it wasn't a mistake. Please don't think that. But I'm sure you know it was hard to read…hard to see. Hard to think about all the things I should've been doing for you those first couple of days. I should've been so much more careful with you."

"And that's one of the reasons I didn't tell you everything right away…or anything, for that matter," Mary replied. "I knew I couldn't tolerate too much…care…right away. You know me. I'm tough and pigheaded and unwilling to accept defeat. If I would've fallen apart then, you would've been chasing pieces of me into the next county."

"You should've been in the hospital. I can't believe they let me take you out of there." Marshall shook his head in annoyance.

Mary looked slightly abashed, "They wanted me to stay. Wasn't going to happen. There was only one place I wanted to go. Only one place I knew I'd be safe. Where I could crawl into the corner and lick my wounds knowing someone had my back while I was out of commission."

They were both silent for a few minutes as their thoughts tumbled through hoops and they tried to decide what to say.

"I just wanted to hide, Marshall," she offered, head down as she frayed the tie on her sweatshirt. "I can't explain the need to run away…to keep it secret. It was overwhelming. I still want to hide most of the time, just not from you anymore."

Marshall wanted her to run to him, tell him all her secrets and he would hide her away from the rest of the world. He couldn't imagine how difficult it must've been for her to step out and continue to function as she did when every molecule of her being must've been screaming to pull the covers over her head and wait until another day. Physical, mental and emotional pain and grief clamoring for attention and care, and she just shoved it into the background. He really couldn't decide if she was brave or crazy some days.

Mary bit her lip as she sat in her partner's continued silence. She didn't know how else to explain her actions then or now, and she knew it was likely time to just give him room to think. She opened her mouth to suggest an option when her phone rang. Expecting Brandi, Mary answered without looking at the caller i.d.

"Hi Mary," Raph greeted, "I hope you don't mind that I call, but I'm starting to worry about you. And I guess I'm a little impatient for wanting to talk to you again."

She couldn't hang up now, so Mary answered, "Hi Raph. Sorry about that. I've been up to my eyeballs in this case, and until we got everything cleared up I didn't want to be in contact with you."

"Sure. I know you were trying to keep me out of it." Raph reluctantly agreed. "So, when will I get to see you again?"

Mary sighed and Marshall looked over at her, studying her tired and slightly defensive posture. Not comfortable with the man on the other end of the phone yet.

"I don't know, Raph. Maybe we could have lunch in a couple of days or something? I really can't say. Look, I've got to go, but I promise to call tomorrow and figure something out."

Raphael tried to drag out the goodbyes, but Mary finished the conversation swiftly and disconnected. She blew out a breath and wondered for yet another time how she would deal with her boyfriend.

"Are you going to tell him?" Marshall asked, not sure what he wanted to hear. He didn't know if she had made up her mind yet.

Mary turned her phone over in her hands, irritated with the intrusion and Marshall's apparent ability to read her mind. "I don't know. Not exactly a topic that comes up over lunch. Hey, pass the ketchup and by the way I was raped last week. Do you want all of those fries?"

"Mary," Marshall warned.

"What?" she snapped, "Fine. No. I'm not going to tell him. I don't want him to know."

Marshall drew in a breath and rolled his head, clearly agitated by her answer. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Obviously, you disagree. Do I get a choice as to whether you'll enlighten me or not?" She rolled her eyes and looked out the window. "Of course I don't" she thought as she heard him take in a breath to speak.

"He's not a casual acquaintance, Mare. You have an established physical relationship with the man that he's going to expect you to continue. That would be normal. He won't have any reason to step back and let you regroup. I think you just need to keep that in mind."

His words were stilted and she knew he was trying to tread carefully. He was right. She didn't know what excuses she would use to avoid the physical contact. And the thought of sex actually caused her to shudder. Not yet.

They pulled into Marshall's driveway and Mary leapt at the chance to escape the discussion.

"Look, I'm tired, I hurt and I'm hungry. I'll think about it, and we can talk later, okay?" Not giving him a chance to answer, Mary slid out of the truck and headed to the house.

Marshall's mind wasn't in any better of a place than it was when they started the drive, and mental images of Raphael and Mary now skewed his thoughts into a darker place. The worry ratcheted up a notch or two and Marshall felt a headache coming on. She stood on the porch waiting for him. He watched her for a minute, then sighed deeply and swung himself out the door.

*** Yes, I know it's short. Transition for M/M here, and a new episode of IPS slowed me down in real life. Mary thinks Marshall is overloaded, Marshall has his own hesitations, wonder if they're still speaking to each other after dinner?? Stay tuned, and please REVIEW!! ***