Chapter 21

The phone rang in the Caffrey house and Caitlin was immediately on her feet. She'd been on pins and needles all afternoon, waiting for Neal to call with news from the hospital. Regrettably, the voice on the other end of the line was not her foster dad's but rather Liam's.

'Hey!' she said, upon recognizing his voice.

'Hi!' he chirped back, sounding rather cheery.

To say that Liam was laid-back was somewhat of an understatement; he and Caitlin had struggled with the contrast in their personalities ever since the day she'd first set foot in the Caffrey home. She'd been annoyingly loud and impetuous and for the first couple of years, Liam had merely tolerated her presence - mostly for his parents' sake. He hated the fact that she kept getting into trouble, upsetting their quiet family life while she, on the other hand, had wanted nothing more than to fit in with his friends and belong - at all costs. But, as time passed, he'd learned to appreciate some of Caitlin's qualities, not the least of which was her sincere devotion to his parents and she had learned to respect him for his quiet, introspective ways. Over time, they had both found a way to co-exist under the same roof without much fuss.

'You sound cheerful' she commented. 'I guess Cody must be visiting, huh?'

'No, not this weekend, unfortunately' he replied. 'So what's happening over there? Mom and Dad getting excited about their anniversary party?'

Caitlin considered his question. A few years ago, she wouldn't have hesitated to blurt out the fact that Sara was at the hospital undergoing tests but now she realized it wasn't her place to share that little piece of news. Neal and Sara would tell their kids what was happening when the time was right and it wasn't her job to decide when that would be.

'It's going to be great' she exclaimed. 'Your aunt Emily is coming next week and we're all going shopping for dresses.'

'Cool' Liam said, despite his total lack of interest in dress shopping. 'So are they around?'

Caitlin hesitated for a brief moment. 'No, they're out. Did you try their cell phones?'

'Yeah, I did. They both went straight to voicemail' he explained. 'I wanted to give them some good news.'

'Oh, yeah? Do you want to share with me?' she asked, hopeful.

It was his turn to hesitate but the truth was he was pretty excited and eager to share - even if it was with Caitlin Somersby.

'I just found out I'm in the running for league MVP' he blurted out.

'Liam, that's amazing! Wait until your mom and dad find out, they'll be so excited' she squealed.

'Well, I'd like to be the one to tell them, if that's okay' he responded, code for can you please keep your big mouth shut.

'Sure, I won't say a word' she promised. 'So how are you guys doing in the playoffs, anyway?'

Liam grunted; he was used to being on the winning side of things but the Orange was struggling in the first round of play. 'We're not doing very well. We lost another game last night.'

'Sorry to hear that' Caitlin said with sincerity. 'And I'm sorry about everything that happened to you; your mom and dad filled me in.'

Liam remained silent, unwilling to rehash the events of the last few weeks. 'Well, at this rate, I may be home before the end of the month.'

'Would that be so terrible?' she asked. 'I know your folks would love to have you home for your birthday. Oh, and I saw Will today' she added. 'He can't wait for you to come home for the summer.'

'Oh yeah? Where did you see him?'

'At the store…' she lied expertly. 'By the way… is he dating anyone?'

Liam let out a long, slow breath. Surely, she wasn't asking for herself - or at least he hoped not. 'Not since he broke up with Josie. Why?'

'Just curious. He's such a sweet guy, I hope he finds a nice girl.'

Liam hummed in agreement. 'Anyway, I gotta go. Practice in twenty minutes. Don't say anything to Mom and Dad… I'll try to call back later.'

'Okay' Caitlin replied before hanging up.

She returned to her vigil - waiting for Neal to call with news; she was surprised to find that instead of her new beau, her thoughts were of Will Allenby.

WCWCWC

Neal removed his hand from Sara's grasp and wiped his sweaty palm on his pants. It took a minute for him to realize it wasn't his palm that was clammy but rather hers and he turned towards her, scrutinizing her face.

'You okay?' he asked, noticing she had turned a milky shade of grey.

Her eyes came up to look at him and he saw panic that hadn't been there a moment ago.

'What's wrong?' he asked, bringing his arm up behind to touch her back.

Her t-shirt was soaked through and he could feel her shaking underneath his hand.

'I… I… I can't… can't breathe' Sara said, her breathing laboured, as she brought her hand to rest on her chest.

'Hey, hey, take it easy' Neal murmured, in an attempt to calm his distraught wife. 'Breathe, honey, breathe.'

Her eyes grew to the size of saucers and he could see her chest heaving as she tried to speak. 'I… can't' she managed to say with a great deal of effort.

The sight of Sara falling apart was unsettling to say the least and he felt his own heartbeat speed up as he tried to figure out what to do before she passed out once more - or had an aneurysm, whichever came first.

'Here, put your head down between your legs' he pleaded, holding her steady in case she faltered.

'No… no' she moaned, totally panicking as she clutched fiercely at her chest.

Neal could see he wasn't getting anywhere and he called out through the open door as a nurse wandered by. 'Could I get some help here!'

Sara's breathing had turned into quivering gasps as she fought for each breath, unable to regain control of herself.

'Here, let's get you back on the examination table' the nurse suggested as she and Neal helped a trembling Sara to her feet.

She teetered and Neal caught her, lifting her, bridal style, and placing her on the table as the nurse prepared to listen to her heart and check her blood pressure. Neal could see Sara's eyes rolling back in her head and for a moment, it seemed like she was slipping away when suddenly, her eyes shot open as she fought unconsciousness.

'It's all right, sweetheart' Neal attempted, surprised at the soothing sound of his voice, considering the fact his own body was shaking uncontrollably.

'She's having a panic attack' the nurse announced as she listened to Sara's heaving chest.

'Sara… Sara… Look at me' Neal tried, once more. 'You're all right, you need to breathe. Come on baby, breathe for me, breathe.'

Sara focussed on his face and she took a long, quivering breath before reverting to short pants, accompanied by loud moans.

'Like me, honey… like me' Neal continued as the nurse proceeded to take her blood pressure. 'In… and out. In… and out. That's it.'

The moans began to fade slowly as Neal continued with the hypnotic chant and slowly but surely, Sara's breathing began to even out and the colour returned to her pale cheeks.

'You just rest here for a few minutes' the nurse instructed. 'I'll see if the doctor is available.'

Neal could tell Sara was embarrassed about losing control by the way her eyes wandered around the room and she pushed his hand away in an attempt to sit up.

'Sara, take it easy. You heard what the nurse said, just… lie still for a minute.'

She seemed annoyed at him - or perhaps she was just angry at herself - and she let out a grunt as she pushed Neal away and struggled to sit up.

'This is ridiculous' she managed to say breathlessly. 'A panic attack…'

Neal gave her a look of exasperation; she'd always been her own worst enemy.

'Sara, there's a lot happening. Would you please just relax, cut yourself some slack' he pleaded.

'I don't… don't have time for a stupid panic attack. I've got stuff to do' she exclaimed and for a minute, he thought she might jump off the table and run out of the room.

'Sara, stop it!' he said in a commanding tone that seemed to capture her attention. 'Stop being so silly. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you're waiting for test results and you're uptight… so am I.'

She scowled at him, her glare eventually softening as he stared back, unflinching.

'Fine' she said grudgingly as she lay back on the table and crossed her arms across her chest like a petulant child.

She lay there pouting and Neal let out a sigh of relief; he'd won this round but he knew it was only the beginning. Sara was more stubborn than a mule and quick to anger; her mood could change at any minute.

The arrival of the doctor interrupted their bickering and Sara sat up on the edge of the table as Neal stood at attention.

'Well, we have your test results' the doctor said as she glanced down at her clipboard. 'You're suffering from both bradycardia and tachycardia.'

The colour drained from Sara's cheeks once more and Neal moved in to place an arm around her shoulder.

'What the hell does that mean?' she asked, her jaw dropping.

'It means that sometimes, your heart beats too fast and other times, too slow. When your heart rate slows, it cuts the blood flow to your brain and your blood pressure plummets. That's why you've been passing out. You were lucky you weren't behind the wheel when it happened.'

Sara stared straight ahead, horrified; it seemed unfathomable to be talking about heart problems at her age.

'But… I'm only fifty-six' she moaned.

'It has nothing to do with age, Mrs. Caffrey. It's an electrical problem with the connections to your heart. But it can be easily fixed' the doctor explained.

'Does she need a pacemaker?' Neal asked as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place.

'Yes, a pacemaker is likely what will be recommended. But I need you to see a cardiologist to discuss your specific situation.'

'A pacemaker!' Sara all but shouted. 'Are you kidding me? Isn't that for people in their eighties?'

The doctor smiled in response to Sara's comment. 'It has nothing to do with age. As I said, it's just a glitch with the connections to your heart. A pacemaker ensures that your heart rate stays steady and that way, you don't have all those nasty symptoms you've been having. Have you been more tired lately?'

'No…' Sara ventured as she looked sideways at Neal.

'Yes, you have, honey' he contradicted as she glared at him.

'And you've fainted three times… that we know of' he added, immediately regretting what he'd just said.

'Fatigue is a classic symptom as is shortness of breath and dizzy spells' the doctor continued.

Neal could feel another meltdown coming on and in order to avoid any further drama, he turned to the young doctor as a means of distraction.

'What do we do now? Can she… is it safe for Sara to be… walking around? Does she have to be hospitalized?' he asked.

'No, that's not necessary. She might continue to have some of the symptoms she's been having and she could pass out if her heart rate slows too much. So, in the meantime, no driving and try to keep the stress to a minimum. We'll get you in to see a cardiologist in the next few days.'

'Can I… can I keep working?' Sara asked, shell shocked.

'Do you do office work?' the doctor asked.

'Mostly…' Sara replied as Neal rolled his eyes.

'When you're not digging through people's trash' he couldn't help but comment as Sara ignored him.

'Just take it easy and we'll have it all taken care of as soon as possible' the young woman said.

'Here's some information to help you prepare for your appointment with the specialist' she added, handing Neal some pamphlets. 'I'm sending a report to your doctor's office and they'll be in touch with you with a date and time to see the cardiologist.'

And with that distressing news, the young woman disappeared into the bowels of the hospital leaving a stunned Sara and Neal behind.

WCWCWC

Dinner was eaten in virtual silence as both Neal and Sara processed what they'd heard that afternoon. Sara was in total denial while Neal was already in solution mode, having already read all the information the doctor had given them - twice.

Sara stood and, without a word, she moved to the sink to rinse her plate. Neal was up in a flash and moved in behind her, forcibly taking the plate from her hand.

'Honey, sit down. Let me do that' he offered.

She turned to face him, daggers in her eyes. 'Neal, DON'T' she shouted.

'Don't what?' he replied, taken aback by the intensity in her voice.

'Don't… treat me like I'm some sort of invalid. Please. I'm perfectly capable of putting my own plate in the goddamn dishwasher.'

Neal backed off; he knew better than to argue when she got that look in her eyes. He swallowed down the anger that was bubbling to the surface, anger not at her but at her predicament and he resisted the urge to respond, electing instead to give her a little bit of space.

'I'm going down to the studio for a while' he grumbled, grabbing the laptop from the kitchen counter and heading down to the basement.

Sara snarled at him behind his back and returned to the task at hand although her anger and resentment wasn't really directed at him. She had a pretty good idea what he'd be doing down there and it didn't involve a paint brush. He'd be on that damn computer trying to read up on everything he could find about pacemakers so he could cheer her on as if she was preparing to run a marathon. She cringed at the thought.

How could this be happening now when they had so much to look forward to? She'd been so stunned by the news that she hadn't even thought to ask about their upcoming trip - and what about the baby… she'd had visions of running around their backyard playing hide, go seek with the little guy and throwing him up in the air as he giggled loudly. What would become of all those dreams?

She felt a lump in her throat, immediately followed by tears and she started to sob as she finished cleaning up - sad, angry tears, tears of resentment and bitterness. She had everything to live for and now, her life was about to change because her stupid heart wasn't heeding the message to keep beating regularly.

Truth be told, she'd been ignoring the signs for months and as the doctor had outlined the symptoms one by one, she'd recognized them all: the fatigue, the weariness, the lightheadedness. She'd been in denial, muddling through as she'd felt her resources dwindling and now she had no choice but to face her day of reckoning.

WCWCWC

Sara felt the bed dip as Neal slipped in beside her, his body instantly pressed up against her back as he brought his arms around her waist, spooning her.

'You still mad?' he whispered in her ear.

She responded with icy silence and he pressed his lips to her shoulder in a gesture of conciliation.

'Stop!' she grumbled as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

Neal held on, confident he could bring her around.

'Stop it! Stop… coddling me!'

'I am not coddling you' he murmured. 'I'm spooning you… and trying to make you feel better.'

'Don't be so goddamn condescending, Caffrey' she muttered angrily.

He smiled softly; if she was calling him 'Caffrey', she couldn't be that far gone. She usually saved that moniker for when she was annoyed but not really furious.

'Come on, honey. Be reasonable' he whispered lovingly.

'Reasonable?' she replied, her voice tight. 'Easy for you to say. You're not the one who's going to be cut open and have a… transistor radio implanted in your chest.'

He refrained from chuckling, unwilling to get her even more riled up than she already was. 'Honey, think of it as giving your body the little bit of help it needs… it's like having to wear glasses to read…' he attempted.

'Shut up' she shot back with just a hint of humour.

'What do you want from me, babe?' he asked sweetly.

'I… want you to leave me alone so I can be miserable in peace' she said, not meaning a word of it.

'What if I don't want you to be miserable?' Neal replied.

'Tough! I don't care what you want. I want to enjoy being miserable' she pouted, realizing how infantile she sounded.

She continued, undaunted. 'I don't even want to have our stupid wedding anymore.'

'Sara… come on, you don't mean that' he whispered, running his hand lovingly up and down her arm.

'Yes I do. It's stupid and I don't want to do it anymore.'

Neal knew better than to engage her when she was saying things that made absolutely no sense. She was obviously speaking from a place of frustration and anger and he couldn't really fault her for that.

'Why don't you just take a day or two to think about it? If you decide you don't want to do it, we'll call it off' he readily agreed - more to shock her into realizing how silly she was being than anything else.

'Fine' she snapped back.

Neal pulled away from her, creating space between their bodies. 'What do you want from me, Sara? You want me to go sleep on the couch?' he asked, resigned to the fact she wasn't thawing anytime soon.

The phone rang before she could answer and the two of them sat bolt upright in bed. It was almost eleven and the shrill sound of the phone was always jarring late at night. Neal reached over to pick up as Sara studied his face.

'Hello' she heard him say.

'Hi Dad' came Liam's voice. 'I'm sorry to call so late. Did I wake you?'

'No, no. Mom and I were just… talking' he said as Sara gave him a dirty look. 'Is anything wrong?'

'No, not at all. I tried calling this afternoon but you guys were out and I just got out of a late practice' he explained.

'Too bad about last night' Neal said as he reflected on the team's loss. 'I did catch part of the game online though. You looked good, looks like you're back on track.'

'Well, Colgate was stronger. They deserved to win. But I did get some good news today' Liam said, his voice light. 'Is Mom with you?'

'Yeah, she's right here, hold on' Neal said as he pulled the phone away from his ear so they could both hear him.

Sara pulled in nice and close to her husband, their little spat momentarily forgotten. 'Hi honey!' she called out.

'Hey Mom! You'll never believe this. The coach told me I made the short list for league MVP, they're announcing the nominees tomorrow.'

'Wow!' Neal exclaimed as Sara's face lit up. 'That's fantastic. I don't remember too many sophomores nominated for MVP.'

'The coach says a sophomore has only won twice… anyway, regardless, it's a real honour and I'm being named to the all-star team, too.'

'Honey, that's fantastic. We're so proud of you' Sara said, sounding just like her old self.

'Thanks…' Liam said, reverting to his usual modest persona.

Neal shared a smile with Sara. 'I'm going to try to make it down for one more game. I just have to figure things out at this end' he said.

'It's okay, Dad. I know you're with me in spirit, you guys have a lot going on, anyway. I'll call you in a few days, all right?'

'Okay buddy. Take care' Neal called out.

'Love you sweetie' Sara added before hanging up.

The mood had suddenly changed and Sara looked at Neal, the folly of her earlier behaviour coming clearly into focus.

'Sorry' she mumbled, embarrassed.

'It's okay, I know you're upset… so am I' Neal replied with a smile.

'And I don't want you to sleep on the couch' she said as she let her body melt into his.

Neal lay on his back and held her close, running his hand through her hair.

'Good' he murmured as he kissed her forehead. 'Because my back can't take it anymore.'

Sara chuckled. 'Neal, why is this happening to me?'

'I don't know. It's just… a fluke' he replied. 'You know, we're going to have to tell the kids sooner or later.'

'Let's wait until I see the cardiologist' she said. 'The cardiologist… I can't even believe I'm seeing a goddamn cardiologist.'

Neal tried his luck at reasoning with her once again. 'I know you might not be ready to hear this yet but… well, I've been doing some research and they do this kind of thing dozens of times a day and it really will resolve all the issues you've been having.'

Sara was quiet, listening to her husband's velvety voice, reassuring her.

'Plus, I'm getting a little tired of having you faint in my arms all the time' he added as he jostled her.

Sara began to weep softly, the sound echoing in the quiet house. 'Oh baby, please don't cry. You'll see, the doctors will fix you up and you'll be back to normal in no time… even better than before.'

'But what about our trip… and the baby…' she whimpered.

Neal pulled away to look into her eyes. 'I don't know… but we can ask all those questions when we see the doctor. Okay?' he said tenderly as he kissed the tip of her nose.

Sara nodded and let her head drop onto his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

'Thanks for putting up with all my… craziness' she murmured.

'Hey, that's what I'm here for' he whispered lovingly.

TBC