AN: *flails around* I've lost control of my life. I got inspiration for a fic (Non Dangan Ronpa related), and have been writing it since Friday. Now I have 25k words for it. Honestly, I'm baffled that I even managed to write anything for this fic, in my mad state.

This also isn't my best chapter? Because it's more of a somewhat obsessive, creepy character/pairing analysis? I don't even know anymore, just take it *dives into the junkyard, and builds a house out of trash*

I swear, the next chapter will be better.

REQUESTED (by Crazedpooch on AO3)

Chihiro Fujisaki x Kyoko Kirigiri

(Chihigiri, Fujigiri, Chikyoko)

Lilac Envy

(School days/pre-Mutual Killing)

Kyoko Kirigiri.

Ultimate Detective, daughter of the Headmaster of Hope's Peak Academy. Lethally beautiful, intelligent, and graceful. Justice personified, with the sharpest of minds— almost as if she was an ethereal being that was sent to Earth to pass judgment among mortals.

She was also distant, silent, serious, sharp, and composed. With skin as pale and soft as a fresh blanket snow, hair a beautiful shade of lilac, eyes as powerful of that of a tiger, lips as pretty as a silk ribbon. Wrapped in the most professional and slickest leather when not in the atypical school uniform, studded gloves always on her hands, as if they were a second skin.

Chihiro Fujisaki envied her.

Envied her hair, her face, her skin, her eyes, her figure, her intelligence, her confidence, her composure, her title—her everything.

Because Kyoko Kirigiri embodied strength—both inner and outer, both mind and soul, both actions and words, both silence and sound, both will and defeat.

It wasn't as obvious as Mondo Owada or Sakura Ogami, or even Byakuya Togami. It was an alluring, potent strength. Strength of someone who's been through hell and back, and still moves forwards, still does the most outstanding feats possible.

At first, Chihiro thought themself stupid and petty, for envying Kyoko Kirigiri. Such tumultuous, negative emotions were very rare for the Programmer.

However, they realized something. That realization was this: Kirigiri-san was simply too amazing, for people to not admire or become envious of her. She just seemed to pull people in, no matter how much she kept her distance.

It was a bit like what Sayaka Maizono and Junko Enoshima had, but deeper, if that made any sense.

Kirigiri-san was simply the coldest person that would be so magnetic—and even then, she was only icy under the surface, under a careful masking of emotions. She was as sweet as lilacs; one just simply had to dig under the snow to find the prismatic purple flowers, and the wonderfully sweet smell.

So Chihiro had to live with this knowledge, the knowledge that they envied Kyoko Kirigiri. Wanted to be her friend. Wanted to be as strong and intelligent and calm as her. Wanted to be her.

And every time the brunette would look at Kirigiri-san, their heart would beat a little faster— a quick thump thump thump, like a drum during an energetic song.

Kirigiri-san was wonderfully astute, and sometimes, Chihiro would feel a rush of adrenaline. Worry and wonder if Kirigiri-san has found out their secret. Found out that under the skirt is the parts of a boy, an incredibly weak and cowardly boy.

Found out that they are someone who simply wants to wrap their entire heart and soul, entire existence, around her. Someone who wanted to be like her so much, that they wanted to have her.

Chihiro's blood would thrum and pound in their body, vibrating and pulsing. They would be worried—both for their secret and for their obsession, admiration, envy, whatever they had, for her.

It was only a matter of when Kirigiri-san would find out—there was no question that she'd find out. She was Kirigiri-san, and she was the Ultimate Detective. It's an inevitable outcome.

Rather than if, it's a matter of when. When Kirigiri-san will found out? And, perhaps even which—which of the two will Kirigiri-san find out first?

Chihiro was in an odd state, and odd position. With their gender secret. With their secret affections.

Because they adored the girl so much, that they wanted to both be that girl and be with that girl.

Chihiro would even dream about her. Dream of how good it would be to tenderly caress her face, kiss her lips, connect and feel the strength she had within her. Dream of the day that she would help them finally being strong, being confident.

Dream of making her composure slip. Dream of her face flushing a pleasant pink. Dream of seeing if her legs were as smooth as they looked. Dream of making cute, breathtaking, embarrassing noises escape from her lips…

Chihiro would sometimes wake up from those certain dreams, wet and mortified, heart beating as fast as a train. Wondering why they would dream so much of her, why they would dream of those things, why their hormones raged like a storm at sea when it came to her. Wondering why they were in so deep, why are they so enamored with Kyoko Kirigiri, why is this happening.

Of course, they could ask no one these questions, and no one could answer them. So Chihiro Fujisaki had to live with it.

Live with carrying two large secrets within them. Live with the tumultuous emotion of envy, admiration, attraction, paranoia, and fright.

But they could live with it. They could live with anything, as long as they were able to be in the presence of the lilac beauty.

Purple—lilac, specifically—started to creep into Chihiro's room. Slowly, the color started to appear, in various forms.

One day, Kirigiri-san herself noted such an occurrence.

"Fujisaki-san, I've noted that you've started to accessorize more with purple. Today, for instance, you have a beautiful purple heart necklace on."

"I…T-Thank you. I-I suppose I just s-started to like the c-color," the Programmer mumbled, fidgeting with the sleeves of their uniform.

"Hmmmm. Interesting," the Detective merely noted, before turning their attention to something else.

That very next day, Chihiro left the necklace in a box, inside the lilac-haired girl's desk.

It seemed that it was only a matter of when. The which seemed like it would be resolved soon.

Chihiro was still a smidge envious.