She's The Girl All The Bad Guys Want

Orochimaru's Experiment

Chapter 21

Akita didn't sleep for two days after the fight with Gato. She didn't participate in team training and she didn't take any shifts protecting the bridge. Not that Kakashi asked her to, or that it was needed anymore. Just after she... just after Gato died, most of the villagers arrived. They were armed with rudimentary weapons, lead by a renewed Inari, and finally ready to stand up for themselves and take back their home. The remaining thugs were easily subdued and many people started helping the bridge. It would be finished tonight and they were scheduled to leave tomorrow.

Haku and Zabuza left not long after the fight with Gato. Zabuza told Kakashi he intended to go to Gato's and take the money he was promised and then, they would leave. Without a job, they had no reason to stop these people from bettering their town, and he wouldn't take anything more than what they were promised. There was a compassionate look in his eyes, like he understood their struggle in his own way. Kakashi, knowing when to pick and choose his battles, let him go. He had his students and the villagers to think about.

Now, Akita sat on a tree branch, staring out into the forest. She was looking out into the trees, but not seeing it. Maya sat below her at the base of the tree, watching her. She refused to leave her side for anything since the fight with Gato. The longer Akita sat in one place and let her mind wonder, the more her mind went back to the bridge. She saw the men being taken down by Kakashi and Zabuza.

thump-thump.

She didn't know when she started biting her nails. That habit had started sometime in the last twenty-four hours. She just chewed as she thought about those thugs rushing Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto.

Thump-Thump.

Everyone yelling and Gato trying to kill everyone. Akita's eyes were wide as she stared down the trees, reliving Gato.

THUmpTHUmp.

Gato pulling out the gun. She didn't remember pulling out kunai and she didn't realize that she was gripping it so hard that her knuckles were white.

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

"Yo."

Akita swung the kunai as her breath hitched, without even thinking about it. Kakashi caught her wrist before her kunai could connect with his ribs. Looking at him broke Akita's gaze, and she saw the forest once again and became aware of her labored breathing. "Sensei," She whispered, more for her own awareness than anything else.

"Where you been?" Kakashi asked, a gentle smile visible through the mask.

"What do you mean? I've been in this tree all day." Akita gestured to the branch she was sitting on.

"I mean that distant look in your eyes and the fact that you didn't recognize me at first. I know you're body has been here, but your mind hasn't. Where have you been?" Kakashi asked. He spoke gently, but firmly, and Akita could hear in his voice that he would demand an answer if needed. She looked down and pulled her knees in.

"When we thought Zabuza had died, it was terrifying and horrible, but it wasn't our fault. None of us were even going to be the ones to kill him. Before Haku faked it, you were going to kill him. But on that bridge," Akita had to take a breath as her voice cracked. She buried her head further in her knees to hide the tears. "On that bridge, I killed Gato. It was different with Zabuza. You're a Jonin. We all know you've killed before. It's a fact of a shinobi's life. You've been a shinobi for years. You've been through war. Of course you would kill. And of course, we would eventually kill. It's what we're taught at the academy. So why is this so hard?!" She couldn't keep the tears back anymore and broke down into gut wrenching sobs. Kakashi carefully picked her up and jumped down. The last thing he needed was her falling out of the tree and getting hurt in her grief. As Kakashi set her down, Maya worked her muzzle under Akita's face and let her grab on to her.

"The first time I encountered death, I was still a child. You were nine when you lost your mother, I was eight. The difference is, your mother sent you away to protect you and died for you. I found my father after he committed suicide in our home," Kakashi said softly. Akita turned her head slightly to look at him. "After that, I dove into my shinobi studies and completely shut off my emotions. I was a lot like you've become." Kakashi stared down at her, looking her in the eye. When Akita broke eye contact, unable to keep his gaze, Kakashi took a breath. "By the time I was your age, I was a chunin and the war was full blown. One of my team mates sacrificed himself to save me. I was so emotionally stunted by then, killing the enemy hardly made me stutter. But when my team mate, who I hardly considered a friend then, sacrificed himself, it rattled me. I couldn't complete the mission. That death is what made me realize that protecting my team mates is more important than the mission. But that knowledge wasn't enough. My second team mate died later in the war by my own hand. I spent years in a deep depression."

"What did you do?" Akita whispered after a moment.

"I buried myself in liquor and other more... adult... vices. Others have their own ways of coping. Some bury themselves in gambling, their work. A select few go to therapy, and I mean more than the mandatory time that you are going to get to enjoy when we return home. Eventually, you learn to disconnect from the killing so it doesn't affect you so bad. But it never goes away. You simply learn to live with it. It's part of the job."

Akita looked up at him with tears streaking her face. "What if I don't want to live with it?"

They left the next day, after Tazuna declared the bridge would be forever known as the great team seven bridge. He said the town should remember the team of young shinobi who proved themselves and saved their town. Akita couldn't even bring herself to fake any joy or comfort for them. She perpetually looked as if she was seeing ghosts. The trip back to Konoha was a blur for her. She heard her team mates speaking, but couldn't comprehend most of what they were saying. Going through the gates at home was a blur. Once they were checked in, Kakashi told the team to go home and relax. He said that he would take care of the mission report. But when Akita turned to head home, Kakashi grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Not you."

He guided her, keeping a hand on her back or shoulder the entire time, to Lord Hokage's office. Maya stayed by her side, as she always was. On their previous missions, they had simply handed in their mission reports to the chunin working there and that had been it. This time, the mission was more complex, and Kakashi told him that this mission report required an audience with the Hokage. It was all such a blur to Akita. She was hardly aware of walking into the Hokage's office until Hiruzen was in front of her, kneeling.

"Hello, Akita." He had a gentle smile on his. One that Akita had grown familiar with over the years.

"Hello, Lord Hokage." Her voice was quiet and tired. As he stood, he turned to Kakashi.

"We were expecting you back weeks ago. What happened, Kakashi?"

"The official report was just turned in, but this warrants a face-to-face. As we were escorting Tazuna home, we were expecting bandits, but instead a couple rogue-nin attempted an ambush..." Akita zoned out and stared into space as Kakashi gave Hiruzen the mission details. Slowly, the noise drowned out and all she heard was the blood pumping in her ears. Her nails found their way between her teeth again. Everything was foggy and she couldn't focus. It was like being under water.

...a...aki...kita...akita...

"Pup!" Maya's voice snapped Akita back to the present. Akita blinked rapidly and looked around. Hiruzen was kneeling in front of her again, watching her with a very concerned set of eyes.

"Kakashi just finished telling me what happened. You weren't hearing me when I tried to speak to you."

"Sorry, Sir." Akita had trouble looking at him and kept looking at something new in the room.

"Akita, when was the last time you got some sleep?" Hiruzen asked. He noticed the bags under her eyes, the glossiness of her eyes, the slight wobble as she stood. This girl was exhausted. Slow and twitchy, like a stuck hand on a clock, Akita turned to look up at Kakashi.

"How long as it been since... the bridge?" She whispered.

"Three days." Kakashi spoke with an air of nonchalance.

"I have-I... I haven't slept since Gato..." She could barely get the sentence out before she started chewing her nails again.

"Akita, the first time any of us took a life was hard. But this was not your fault. He was trying to murder your team. He had already murdered some of those townsfolk, and would probably murder more if he was left there alive. You did everything right, and you need to hold on to that," Hiruzen tried to comfort her.

"Sir, I know I normally avoid doctors, but before this incident I was considering submitting Akita for mandatory therapy. After this event, and Akita's reaction to it, I'd like to recommend submitting Akita for a 72 hour hold," Kakashi said. Akita spun around to look at him, shocked at what she was hearing.

"You want to lock me up?!" She yelled. Her shock and anger, the first reactionary emotions she was showing since the bridge.

"No, I want you to get some sleep and I want you to find a way to cope. A healthy way to cope. I don't want to find you on the wrong path a few years down the line," Kakashi said as he leaned against the wall, folding into himself.

"I do not need to be locked up for that!" Akita yelled.

"Yes, you do." Akita spun around in shock as Maya spoke. "Even before this, you haven't slept an entire night in years. You only eat because you have to, but you don't enjoy your favorite food anymore. You have no plan for the future, no goals or dreams. You're living a day to day life, that you don't know how to manage. You've forgotten how to have friends. Pup, you need help." Maya looked at Akita, desperation in her eyes.

"You think something is wrong with me?!" Akita couldn't grasp what Maya was saying.

"Akita, you're the one that joked about your compassion being dead," Maya said gently. "You know you need help. You just need to admit it to yourself."

"Akita," She looked over at Hiruzen, scared of what was happening. "So many shinobi go through psych evaluations. Even if we don't have stressful missions, once you become a chunin they are required once a year. I have to agree with Kakashi. He's going to take you to the hospital and they are going to keep you for seventy two hours. I'm also going to order you off missions for two weeks, and I want you to see a therapist at least for the next six months."

"Why?" Akita asked as she started to cry.

"This is not a punishment," Hiruzen said as he reached out to her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "Honestly, I should have at least put you in therapy a long time ago. This is for your own good, Akita."

AN: Woooooo! So, sleep dep and ptsd, anyone? And let me tell you, trying to look up physical symptoms of sleep deprivation is ridiculous. I can find all the psychological symptoms without breaking a sweat, but no one wants to even consider talking about the physical symptoms! So, sorry if you think I got stuff wrong. I've never been awake that long and the internet doesn't want to talk about it!

I'm getting ready for an anime convention next week, and currently binge watching The Ancient Magus Bride. So far, it's wonderful and I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it. Also, there is a Tardis in my living room. I built it out of cardboard for the convention. Yeah, we're gonna have fun going out of town for a few days. It shouldn't delay the next chapter, I am just really excited!

A lovely welcome to TheEggplant1001, and TishaLiz. Keep the love coming, add this story to your alerts so you always know when I post and leave me a review so I know what you loved and what I could improve on!

I hope you all had a safe st. patricks day, a blessed Ostara, and you have a happy Easter.